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1
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,040
-Hello!
-Greetings!
2
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,520
Thank you so much. Thank you.
3
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,600
JEREMY: Thanks, everybody.
4
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,440
Good noises.
5
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,320
JEREMY: Thank you.
Thank you, everyone.
6
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:19,880
Welcome! And in
this incredible show...
7
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,840
JEREMY:
Richard reads a map...
8
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,520
James wears a hat...
9
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,960
And I remember how old I am.
10
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,800
I'm 57.
11
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,000
-Brilliant stuff.
12
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,280
A brilliant show.
A good one.
13
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:38,480
Now, that smorgasbord
14
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,280
of nail-biting action
is all to come,
15
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,920
but we start with our feet
firmly on the ground.
16
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:47,280
You see, us three agree on,
well, almost nothing, really,
17
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:51,240
but we do agree that all
medium-sized SUVs
18
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,000
are dreary and drab
and rubbish.
19
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,720
Yes, but, and we were talking
about this the other day,
20
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,720
they are incredibly popular.
21
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,240
And we were arguing over
which ones we'd buy,
22
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,920
if we absolutely had to.
23
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,680
Yeah, and needless to say,
we couldn't agree.
24
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,040
No, it got quite heated.
25
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:08,360
It did get
very heated indeed.
26
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,600
So we decided
we should settle it
27
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:13,560
by taking The Grand Tour
this week to Canada.
28
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,080
No, we didn't.
29
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,040
JEREMY: This was
the meeting point we chose.
30
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,520
The Area 27 race track.
31
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:33,680
It was designed by F1 star
Jacques Villeneuve.
32
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,440
And it's a bit of
a hidden gem.
33
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,080
And I'd be driving
round it in this:
34
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,600
the new Alfa Romeo Stelvio.
35
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,960
There is no way in hell that
I would buy one of these
36
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,400
because the saloon
on which it's based
37
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,200
is faster, cheaper,
more economical
38
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:01,600
and nicer to drive,
39
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,720
but if I had to have
an SUV...
40
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,200
This is what I'd choose.
41
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,200
At this point, May arrived
42
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,080
in the supercharged
V6 Range Rover Velar.
43
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,040
Well, you've done that wrong.
44
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,080
-No, I haven't.
-Mm.
45
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,560
Look, in the first season
of The Grand Tour ,
46
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,600
we did a big test of three
large off-roaders.
47
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,320
You had a Range Rover
and you went:
48
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,040
"You'd be mad not to have
a Range Rover,
49
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,440
the Range Rover
is literally the best."
50
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,240
So you can't then stand there
and say that it isn't.
51
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,920
What I meant when
I said you'd got it wrong,
well, I meant two things.
52
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,160
One: you've picked
the wrong one -
you should have had an Alfa,
53
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,440
and two:
it's the wrong colour.
54
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,160
I saw one of those
in London
55
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,880
the other day
and it was silver,
56
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,880
and it's one of the
best-looking cars
I've ever seen.
57
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,440
It is a very good-looking
car, yes, I agree.
58
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,120
Really good-looking.
That's just hideous.
59
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:54,240
That looks like it's got a
glovebox full of K and MDF...
60
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,560
What, building materials?
61
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,080
No, not MDF. What do I mean?
What is it? I don't know.
62
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,520
DIRECTOR: MDMA.
-MDMA. Director
knew that, weirdly.
63
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,920
Anyway, never mind that.
64
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,800
What that is is a Range Rover
65
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,840
that sits between the Evoque
and the Range Rover Sport.
66
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,000
I thought the Disco
sat there.
67
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,600
No, that sits over
to one side.
68
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:18,080
No, the Discovery Sport sits
between the Evoque and the...
69
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,800
-No, wait.
-No, the Discovery Sport...
70
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,200
-Hang on, you've got Evoque.
-Yes.
71
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,320
Discovery Sport off
to one side.
72
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,600
-No, it isn't.
-Yes, it is.
73
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,560
-Because that's the serious
off-roady bit, not the...
74
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:29,800
It's not serious!
75
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,960
JEREMY: Before we had a
chance to get to the bottom
76
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,480
of Land Rover's very
complicated line-up,
77
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,280
Richard Hammond
arrived in a Porsche Macan.
78
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,560
Wow, Hammond, that is modern.
79
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:41,880
Yeah, that's where
you're wrong.
80
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,160
He's making a habit of that.
81
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,040
This is the new Porsche Macan
Turbo Performance Pack.
82
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,520
You get 40 horsepower
more than the standard Turbo,
83
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,040
so it makes 434 in total.
84
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,160
-Yeah, in there, yes.
85
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,000
And you managed
to make it move?
86
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,960
-505!
87
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,040
Italian horses.
88
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,000
Which, let's face it,
a flock of Italian horses
89
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,880
could go from
Shire to Shetland.
90
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,480
-These are German horses--
91
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,160
-442.
-443.
92
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,560
Oh, right. One more.
93
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,800
Well, it's too many
for a car on stilts.
94
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,000
-This isn't!
95
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,640
What do you mean?
Of course it's high!
96
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,840
It looks like somebody's
startled it!
97
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,200
It's an SUV!
98
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,480
JEREMY: At this point,
99
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,320
we decided to get on
with testing
100
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:32,840
the "S" part of our SUVs,
the sporty bit.
101
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,000
We began by sending
a BMW M3 sport saloon
102
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,400
round the track to get
a benchmark time.
103
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,360
It's a really,
really good race track.
104
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,480
"Good race track"
is like saying "fun fair",
105
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,680
it's just a contradiction.
106
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,440
James, I think most
of our viewers would
disagree with you on that.
107
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,720
I dunno.
108
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,280
-Here it comes.
-Here it is, and...
109
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,880
Two minutes 26 seconds,
110
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,600
and James May will
now fail to match that
111
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,560
in his Range Rover Velar.
112
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,000
JEREMY: James was
soon ready to go,
113
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,240
but there was a problem.
114
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:28,640
Can you hear me in the BMW?
115
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,480
Could we have the brown
BMW get off the track?
116
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,840
DIRECTOR: Saying
the key isn't in the car.
117
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,720
-I don't know.
118
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,800
Because if it was keyless,
if somebody got out
119
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,440
with the key
and it was running--
120
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,680
-No, no, cos they stop.
-No, they don't.
121
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:42,880
What?
122
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,000
Course they don't,
cos otherwise it'd
just stop on the motorway.
123
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,280
What they won't
do is restart.
124
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:49,440
All the while this is going on,
I'm forgetting the track.
125
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,240
You go down here
and you go left,
126
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,760
and then it's a fog.
127
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,280
Who has the key?
128
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,280
Come on, one of you
has been near the BMW.
129
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,840
Where's the key? Have you
checked your pockets?
130
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,080
With the key nowhere
to be found,
131
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,520
there was only one solution.
132
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,120
Ditch the health and safety
and get on with it anyway.
133
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,480
And he's off!
134
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,960
Right, compared
with Pinky and Perky
135
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,520
I have the least power,
the least torque,
136
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:30,800
I have the least impressive
0-60 time and top speed,
137
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,200
but I do have the mostest
number of gears at eight,
138
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,760
so that's nice and confusing.
139
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,760
What happens here? No idea.
140
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:45,560
You know, one of
the reasons why that thing
is gonna be very slow
141
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,360
is because of
who's driving it.
142
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,960
Yeah, it's cause and effect.
143
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,120
Now in bigger Range Rovers
the power is split 50-50
144
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,400
between the front
and rear wheels.
145
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,920
On this one, it's biased
more towards the back
146
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,920
which is, of course,
very sporty.
147
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,280
But it will put some
to the front
148
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,640
when you're off-road,
and you need traction, or...
149
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,680
Oh, God.
150
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,200
When I cock it up.
151
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,080
JEREMY: Do you know
what he did last weekend?
152
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:15,520
He took his girlfriend across
London to the Victoria
and Albert Museum
153
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,760
to look at
an exhibition of plywood.
154
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,440
How good was that?
155
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,760
JEREMY: Next up,
Richard "Lucky" Hammond.
156
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,760
His wife's already telephoned
him this morning,
157
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,080
said if he goes round the
corner with any tyre squeal,
she's divorcing him.
158
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,480
Three, two, one. Go!
159
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,920
RICHARD: And we're away.
160
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,920
Whoa!
161
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,960
Minding the BMW on arriving
at this first turn.
162
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,880
No tyre squeal.
163
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,440
This is the only
one of the three
164
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,600
that has a proper
dual-clutch gearbox.
165
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,160
the other two are just
old-school slushmatics.
166
00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:00,240
So it does change
like a race car.
167
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,480
Ooh, did you hear that?
168
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,240
- Nice little sporty noise.
- JEREMY: Yeah.
169
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,440
There is no doubt this thing
can talk the talk.
170
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,880
It's got dry sump,
active aero,
171
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,240
but it's all wrapped up
in the wrong body.
172
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,560
Huge amount of lean,
I mean...
173
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,840
Scrabbling for grip.
174
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,920
Those squeals from the tyres
are in protest, not for joy.
175
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:31,640
Hammond breaking
his record, completing
a lap without a crash.
176
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:35,600
JEREMY: Finally, it was
the turn of the Stelvio.
177
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,840
Three, two, one. Go!
178
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,760
Oh, well, that's
just a flying start.
179
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,960
And he's hit the BMW.
180
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,880
The twin turbo-charged
V6 engine in this thing...
181
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,920
Well, it's a masterpiece,
there's no other word.
182
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,000
The body's made
from aluminium.
183
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,800
The prop shaft is made
from carbon fibre.
184
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,960
This has all the ingredients
of a full-on racer.
185
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,760
And it is quick. Easily
the quickest car here.
186
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,160
0-60, 3.9 seconds.
187
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,680
Top speed, 177.
188
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,080
In an SUV!
189
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,440
In a straight line, it would
leave even the M3 for dead.
190
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,760
But this circuit
isn't a straight line.
191
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,600
Which causes a few problems.
192
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,800
Oh, chief among which
is the steering.
193
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,960
It's as fast as the steering
you get in the saloon car
194
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,120
and it is too quick
in a car of this type.
195
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,600
It... hell!
196
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,720
See what I mean?
197
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,720
Tiniest little movement of
the wheel and it's darting
all over the place.
198
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,960
Couple that to the wobbly
long travel suspension
199
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,000
and it all gets
a bit haywire.
200
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,640
Whoa!
201
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,680
-That was rubbish!
202
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,640
And across the line.
203
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,920
JEREMY: After that fast
but messy lap,
204
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,320
it was time to review
the times.
205
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,480
BMW, two minutes 26.
206
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,240
Range Rover,
three minutes two.
207
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:29,240
Porsche, 2.46, you're
only 20 seconds slower
than the M3.
208
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:33,120
Alfa Romeo, 2.40.
209
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,920
Six seconds faster
than the Porsche Turbo
210
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,680
which proves, conclusively,
211
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:44,280
that the most sporty of three
completely un-sporty vehicles
212
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,120
is the Alfa Romeo.
213
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,240
-Yes.
-Right.
214
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,960
Onwards, to the next
part of our test.
215
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,840
JEREMY: Which was to find out
how utilitarian they are.
216
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,000
We're gonna do this
by seeing which one of us
217
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:05,080
can get the most
amount of dogs in
the boot of our car.
218
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,000
Hammond, you idiot.
219
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,160
What are they?
220
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,400
If you say "dog" in Canada,
these are what you get.
221
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,000
-Newfoundlands!
-Hammond, they're enormous.
222
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,440
JAMES: They're not dogs,
they're cattle.
223
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,240
Yep...
224
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,720
JAMES: Oh, they're
having sex behind you.
225
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:24,360
Oh, there's dog sex. There's
actual dog sex going on.
226
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,160
-Dog sex. We don't
need to see this.
-Maybe we should...
227
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:31,520
In a brief break from
the mating, we got on
with the test.
228
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,760
Up you go! Come on!
Come on!
229
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,560
Up! In the car! Come on,
it's a new Range Rover!
Come on, dog!
230
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:44,000
Right. Erm, there's...
No. No.
231
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:48,240
I've got...
Up we go. In we go.
232
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,960
JAMES: The dog has
never been in a car and
doesn't want to go in one.
233
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,640
Right. Sit.
234
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,440
Getting another dog.
235
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,320
Dog beer.
236
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,560
Ow.
237
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,440
Yes! Stay.
238
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:19,080
Ahem! The Alfa Romeo,
not only the sportiest
vehicle,
239
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,280
but, as you can see,
perfectly capable
240
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,560
of handling a brace of dogs.
241
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,040
Oh.
242
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,440
Yeah, the problem is,
you know electric
tailgates...
243
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,080
If they sense anything,
they'll open.
244
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,360
-Yes, that's what's...
245
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:42,280
-So you can't
actually close...
246
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,400
Oh! Biggest dog here is in.
247
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,440
Yeah, but you try closing,
OK, close your boot, then.
248
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,400
Go on, then.
249
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,280
You see, it won't close
cos it's electric.
250
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,520
All we've established,
then, so far
251
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,960
is that these cars are
nowhere near as fast
252
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,320
as an ordinary car
around a race track.
253
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:05,080
That you cannot put
a medium-sized dog in them
254
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,080
because of
the electric tailgate
255
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,680
and you'll damage
them cos they've all
got painted rear ends
256
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:11,960
and carpeted boot floors.
257
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,920
And that concludes another
important test. I'm sorry!
258
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,920
JEREMY: We then
went for a short drive
259
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,400
to the location
for our third test.
260
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:29,280
How well our cars
worked as vehicles.
261
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,240
Now to do this,
we are going to see
262
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,480
whether our cars
are better than a horse.
263
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,360
And here comes the horse now.
264
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,440
It's being ridden by someone
called Meinie Kampf.
265
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,640
-It's Maddie.
266
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,080
It's Maddie.
267
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,280
Yes, Maddie,
Meinie's something
completely different.
268
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,240
Do you know, my Range Rover
is better than that horse
in every single way.
269
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,640
-Yes, it is.
270
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:54,960
-Well, yes it is,
271
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,840
because it doesn't
jig around a bit when
you're trying to get in it.
272
00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,200
It doesn't set off on its own
at maximum speed.
273
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,600
It doesn't veer off to one
side to eat something
274
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,400
or sniff another
Range Rover's arse.
275
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,600
Yes, good.
Thing is, though, we're
trying to find out now
276
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,280
whether our cars
are faster than
this horse in this arena.
277
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,560
This is barrel racing.
278
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,120
A sport for cowboy girls,
279
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,720
the idea is that you
ride round three barrels
as fast as possible...
280
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,920
..while wearing
Wrangler jeans.
281
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:41,280
Her time was 22.69 seconds.
That's what she did it in.
282
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,240
I shall now go and
beat it in my Porsche.
283
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,840
Well, this is what roads look
like where Hammond lives.
284
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,800
All of this is
like his garden.
285
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,600
Broken tractor,
knackered old caravan...
286
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:53,960
JAMES: Rusty fence...
287
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,920
It's as if we've come
to Hammond's house.
288
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,040
RICHARD: Soon,
I was in position and
preparing for the off.
289
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,160
Right, to do this
I need Sport Plus...
290
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,120
Firm suspension...
291
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,520
No ride height...
292
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,000
Traction control off...
293
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:14,560
OK, in three, two, one... Go!
294
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,280
And we're off!
295
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:20,200
Barrel racing, so, I've gotta
get round this one first
of all, on my right.
296
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,680
I'm already going
much faster than the horse.
297
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:26,960
Left now.
298
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,840
What?
299
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,400
-He's stuck.
300
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,320
A four-wheel drive overload!
301
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,120
What?
302
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,400
Oh, it's gone into
limp home mode!
303
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,720
JEREMY: This is the most
lamentable spectacle!
304
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,480
HAMMOND: Can I do it again?
305
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:52,920
No,
don't let him do it again.
306
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,520
JEREMY: No,
you can't have another go.
307
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,480
That was your time,
and it was 48.7 seconds,
308
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:02,160
which means that car,
it's not even half
as good as a horse.
309
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,400
Next, it was May's
turn in the Velar.
310
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,600
Three, two, one, go!
311
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,920
He's not lost.
Actually, I really did
think he'd be lost.
312
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,280
-Oh, God, he's gonna beat me.
-Come on.
313
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,280
HAMMOND: Oh, no! Look,
he can't find the fence.
314
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,120
What is he...
He can't find the fence!
315
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,640
What the hell is this?
316
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:34,840
Come on.
317
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,520
What's the time?
Please tell me he's
quicker than you.
318
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,160
40.78.
319
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,000
-Would you like to jump off
the back here?
-Yes.
320
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,640
JEREMY: Finally,
it was my turn,
321
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,960
and I'd had a brilliant idea.
322
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,440
This is what
those two didn't realise.
323
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,960
Use the handbrake,
fight the turnaround
on the up.
324
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,040
In three, two, one, go.
325
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,680
There it is!
326
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,520
Ready for the handbrake?
327
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,360
Here it comes!
328
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,600
Oh.
329
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,120
He's gone to put
the handbrake on,
330
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,120
but it's an electronic
handbrake so it
just stops dead.
331
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,680
The electric handbrake
is as useless as
the electric tailgate!
332
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,680
Oh, no!
333
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,440
No, I'm in limp home!
334
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:35,120
Service ATV system,
everything has failed!
335
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,920
Virtually parked.
336
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,160
This is it flat out.
337
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,040
Foot hard down,
barely moving.
338
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,440
That looks utterly feeble.
339
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,680
He's still not out.
And... He's out.
340
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,880
Damn you!
341
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,320
-You did it...
342
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,640
-Yes.
-...in...
343
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,080
Yes.
344
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,640
...45.44!
345
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,320
-So James May
was the fastest?
-Yes.
346
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,680
-And then I was
the second fastest?
-Yes.
347
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,520
And, with that
test completed,
348
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,040
it was time
for our conclusion.
349
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,240
We've proved that
SUVs are no good
350
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,520
at sport or utility stuff.
351
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,200
And that if you
want a vehicle,
352
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,160
you're better off
with a horse.
353
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,320
And with that,
back to the tent.
354
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,440
-Hang on.
-It was important work.
355
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:35,120
Thing is, we thought that
we'd finished at that point,
356
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,000
but Mr Willman
had other ideas,
357
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,400
so we're gonna be
picking that up later on.
358
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,640
Yes, we shall.
359
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:46,520
However, now it's time to
step in a dog turd of chat
360
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,800
on Conversation Street.
361
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,680
Ow. Aargh. Ow.
362
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,440
JAMES: Ooh. Ow. Ow. Ooh.
363
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,040
-It was a good day, that.
364
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:01,640
Now, I wanna stick, if I may,
for a minute or two, on SUVs
365
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,680
because 25 percent
of all new cars
366
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,800
sold in Britain
these days are SUVs.
367
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,960
And the thing is, I was
working out the other day
368
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,440
why so many people buy them.
369
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,800
And I've worked it out.
370
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,760
See, if you were in
a hatchback or a saloon
371
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,080
and you see an SUV -
which is larger -
coming towards you,
372
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,800
you think, "If we
have an accident,
373
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,040
"I'm gonna come off worse.
374
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,880
"So I'd better
have one, too."
375
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,200
They're like nuclear weapons.
376
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,880
Once one person's got one,
everyone's gotta have one.
377
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,680
Next thing you know,
Kim Jong-Un's got one,
and then it's all a disaster.
378
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,080
But the fact remains,
everybody has them or not,
379
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,280
they are really silly.
380
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,480
The moment we asked
that Alfa and that Porsche
381
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,960
to do a tiny bit of
off-roading
382
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,240
in that horse arena,
383
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,800
they just panicked
and gave up and went
into limp home mode.
384
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,960
I actually think they
might have too much
electronic stuff on them.
385
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,560
They do. The four-wheel-drive
system's all idiotic,
386
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,320
and then the handbrake,
that doesn't work,
and the tailgate.
387
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:52,000
I mean, how do you actually
load a dog into a car?
388
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,640
I dunno. I mean, you can't...
389
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,840
If you put your hand in
to hold the dog back,
390
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,280
then it's gonna
detect your arm.
391
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,920
You'd have to go
round and hold
the dog against the seat.
392
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,320
But then you can't
close the boot.
393
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,600
I know. And also,
while you're walking round,
394
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,560
the dog's left on its own in
a boot with an open tailgate.
395
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,400
What you're doing is
asking a dog to stay alone
396
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,240
in a room
that's getting smaller.
397
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,880
It's not gonna do it,
it's gonna run away.
398
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,960
There is no solution to this
that I can think of.
399
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,640
There is a way to do it.
400
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,760
You'd have to put
your dog in the boot,
401
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,360
shoot it with
a tranquiliser dart,
402
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,880
so that it went out
for a bit.
403
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,400
Well, yes, James,
you could do that
404
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,840
or you could buy a car with
a manually closing boot lid.
405
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,280
Yeah, which would be cheaper,
lighter, faster and easier.
406
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:36,200
So, that's covered that.
Don't buy SUVs,
they're stupid.
407
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,240
But we have got
more on them later on.
408
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,000
I've got a bit
of conversation.
409
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,680
-Is it about iambic
pentameters?
-No.
410
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,400
-No.
411
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,120
-No.
412
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,160
-It's about vans.
413
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,760
-Yes.
414
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,840
Because I borrowed
a transit van the other day
415
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,320
and the amazing
thing about it is,
416
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,840
it's got all the equipment
you'd expect on a posh car,
417
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:59,240
including those
sensing headlights
that dip automatically.
418
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,600
So when they see lights
coming the other way,
they automatically dip,
419
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,800
but they also dip if they
see a reflective road sign.
420
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,360
Oh, I know,
that's unbelievable,
421
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,800
cos it blinds you,
cos they've dipped.
422
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,360
And now you can't
see where you're going,
423
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,400
as you approach
a sign warning you
of a hazard ahead
424
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,360
which you then can't see.
No, they are stupid.
425
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,360
Here comes a really
dangerous right-hand bend.
426
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,280
-I'll just turn the lights
off so you can't see it.
-They do do that.
427
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,320
But apart from that,
I have to say,
428
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:22,960
the Ford Transit van
long wheel-base,
429
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,320
is absolutely brilliant.
430
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,280
Much better than any SUV
and half the price.
431
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,600
And the amazing thing is,
you can get absolutely
tonnes in the back of it.
432
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,880
Well, yeah, James.
It's a van. It's kinda
what it's for.
433
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,960
The one problem
with it was, I found,
434
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,400
is that when you load a van,
you have to get out.
435
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,720
You don't step out,
you sort of do
a little jump...
436
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,720
No, I don't do
a little jump. I just...
437
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,880
You do a little jump,
but what I didn't think of
438
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,040
was that I had
my big parka on,
439
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,400
and as I jumped out,
the hood caught on the roof
440
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,760
and I actually hanged
myself pretty much as I...
441
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,280
If you actually
had hung yourself,
442
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,760
we'd have put out
a press release
443
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,800
saying that you'd died
in an autoerotic accident.
444
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,160
-Yeah, we would.
-Thank you.
445
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,560
-Did you have an orange
in your mouth?
-No, I didn't.
446
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,880
You would have done
in our version of events.
447
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,560
You'd have been
wearing a fur-lined
anorak and nothing else.
448
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,920
When you were
found by police.
449
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,440
Bet you wish
you hadn't started
that conversation now.
450
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,720
Now, we get quite
a few letters asking us
451
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,640
why we never review
anything made by Tesla.
452
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,280
Mm, very simple, actually.
453
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:26,400
Many years ago, I gave
a firm but fair review
454
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,800
to the Roadster -
picture of that one there.
455
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,120
-Yep, and Tesla sued.
-Yes, they did.
456
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,160
And they lost. And then they
appealed and they lost that.
457
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,840
Which is all fine,
but being sued is
a massive pain in the arse.
458
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,800
It keeps you awake
at night, really stressy.
459
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,840
So I thought I will never,
ever review another
Tesla as long as I live,
460
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,400
I shall simply ignore them.
461
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:50,080
However, Tesla is
on the brink of becoming
a mainstream manufacturer.
462
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,000
They reckon that
by the end of this year,
463
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,400
they'll be bigger than Volvo.
464
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,280
Mm. So I couldn't really
ignore them any more.
465
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,640
Which is why I decided to
test the new Model X, OK?
466
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:04,480
Because I thought
this might actually be
an SUV we all like.
467
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,560
JEREMY: With its
bobby-dazzler back doors,
468
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,280
this doesn't look like
a normal family SUV,
469
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:15,960
it looks better.
470
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,200
Especially on the inside.
471
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,840
And it's more practical, too.
472
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:29,080
Because you have
seating for seven,
473
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:33,160
a boot at the back that's big
enough for an owl sanctuary,
474
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,800
and then another boot
at the front,
475
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:40,280
because, of course,
it's electric
so there's no engine.
476
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,320
Most of all, though,
I'm intrigued by this car
477
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:48,680
because it represents a whole
new way of thinking about...
478
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:51,920
What a car actually is.
479
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:58,800
Take this enormous
command and control
screen as an example.
480
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,240
It does all the usual stuff:
481
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,400
navigation, music,
connectivity and so on,
482
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,560
and so much more besides.
483
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,680
For example, if I want, I can
turn it into a sketchpad.
484
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,360
Then I can just draw
pretty patterns
485
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,840
and so on as I go along.
486
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:18,040
Or, if I'm bored with being
in -
487
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,960
there you are,
Swindon, which I am,
488
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,440
I can change it
so that I become...
489
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,960
On Mars! Look at that,
I'm actually on Mars.
490
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,280
I mean, I'm not there,
obviously,
491
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,600
but it says I am
and that's fun!
492
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,360
Ooh, and this is a good one.
493
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:38,440
If you don't want to see
the car you're driving
depicted on the screen,
494
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,480
you can change it
so that it becomes...
495
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,480
Bond's Lotus.
496
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,480
That is actually quite funny.
497
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,200
Of course,
you may think all of this
498
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,920
might be a bit of
a distraction when
you're driving.
499
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,200
Ah, well, now, you see,
that's the thing.
500
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,160
Because if I pull
this lever here twice...
501
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,320
I get a bong to tell me
I've engaged the autopilot,
502
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,600
which means I'm not driving.
503
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,800
It is.
504
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,720
Seriously,
it's doing it all by itself.
505
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:20,800
Legally, cars aren't allowed
to drive around by themselves
506
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,280
but this is getting
awfully close
507
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,600
because it's reading
the white lines in the road
508
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,920
and then simply
sticking between them.
509
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,320
Then if I want to
change lanes,
510
00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:32,320
I don't have to bother
with any of that mirror,
signal, manoeuvre nonsense,
511
00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,400
you just put
the indicator on...
512
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,200
And if it's safe
to pull out, it does.
513
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:42,280
Put the indicator on
to pull back into
the central lane and...
514
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,680
That's just astonishing!
515
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,280
All of this means
that I can drive along
516
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:55,120
writing important messages
on my sketchpad.
517
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:59,280
Because I know that if
the car in front slows down,
I'll slow down.
518
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:00,800
If it speeds up,
I'll speed up.
519
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,560
If the traffic stops,
I'll stop.
520
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,600
Honestly, this is...
521
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,560
the most relaxing thing
I've ever driven.
522
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,840
Cos all I have to do
is sit here.
523
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,240
Unless, of course, I can't
be bothered to do even that.
524
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,480
OK, the car is over there
525
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:23,200
and I literally can't be
arsed to walk to it.
526
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,720
So, take out my phone,
put it in summon mode,
527
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,560
connecting to vehicle and...
528
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:29,840
Here we go.
529
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,520
Look at that!
530
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,320
I mean, it can't extricate
itself from a parking space
531
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:47,880
or come to you from
the other side of town,
532
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,520
so it is only a gimmick.
533
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,520
But what's wrong
with a gimmick?
534
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:53,720
That's brilliant!
535
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,960
And... Stop!
536
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,960
But what's it like if
you do actually drive it?
537
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:15,760
Well, because it's electric,
it's quiet, obviously.
538
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,920
Eerily quiet.
539
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:22,560
Stupidly quiet. Too quiet,
as they say in the movies.
540
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:29,200
It's also heavy because
of its massive battery pack.
541
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,760
However, because
it's mounted under the floor,
542
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,280
the centre of gravity
is very low down.
543
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,880
And because you've got one
electric motor at the front
running the front wheels
544
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,880
and one at the back
driving the back wheels...
545
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,120
..the car feels
nimble and agile.
546
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:53,640
Feels good.
547
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,600
So, you're thinking it's
a fun-filled family car
548
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:04,200
with show-off doors
and lots of stuff
to excite your inner child,
549
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,760
but that there's
nothing here for
the enthusiastic motorist.
550
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,000
Hm...
551
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,920
Not so fast
on that one...
552
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,680
Because what I'm gonna do now
553
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:18,120
is drag race this family SUV
554
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:22,360
against a mid-engine,
V10-powered
555
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,440
600 horsepower Audi R8.
556
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,240
Right, before I do this
557
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,280
I'm going to engage what's
called "Ludicrous Mode".
558
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,320
There we are.
Hold on, I've got a choice.
559
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,040
"Do you wanna do this?"
"No, I want my Mommy."
560
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,520
"Yes, bring it on!"
There we are.
561
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:46,720
And then, because
I have the mental age
of a nine-year-old,
562
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,440
I'm going to use
the warp speed graphic.
563
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:51,880
And there it is!
564
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,600
Right, good. I'm ready.
565
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,440
Sweet Jesus!
566
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,760
That really is
properly ludicrous!
567
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,040
A hundred miles an hour!
568
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,200
105, 110...
569
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:30,920
112,
the Audi's coming!
570
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:33,760
But not fast enough!
571
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,920
That is astonishing!
572
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,640
Small wonder
this thing is fitted
573
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,840
with my favourite mode of
them all - celebration mode.
574
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,680
There we are. All I have to
do now is put it in park,
575
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:54,080
get out and lock the doors.
576
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,160
Watch this.
577
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:00,440
♪ MOZART:
Marriage Of Figaro Overture
578
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:27,080
So, this may be
a two-and-a-half tonne,
579
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,920
seven-seater PlayStation,
580
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,240
but it'll do 0-60
in 3.1 seconds
581
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:39,000
and has a top speed of 155.
582
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:44,040
So it really does seem
to be all things to all men.
583
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,640
It's serious
and light-hearted.
584
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,880
It's sensible and daft.
585
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,160
It doesn't feel
like anything else.
586
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:54,960
It doesn't go
like anything else.
587
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,240
It's fabulous.
588
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,400
There are, however,
some drawbacks.
589
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:06,280
But before talking
about those,
590
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:09,240
Mr Willman said I should
fill the remaining six seats
591
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,800
with a team of lawyers.
592
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,520
First thing I wanna
talk about is range,
593
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,720
because Tesla say this will
do 351 miles between charges.
594
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:27,000
But, in my experience,
electric cars
never do the range...
595
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,760
How extensive is
your experience, Jeremy?
596
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,240
How many electric cars
have you driven?
597
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,120
-Two.
-Ah.
598
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,480
Both of them
failed to do the range
599
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,120
that the manufacturer
said they would do.
600
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,880
Cos it depends
on temperature,
601
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:40,680
it depends on a million
things, and anyway--
602
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:44,520
As you've said, legally
we need to make very clear,
it depends.
603
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,160
It depends on the conditions.
604
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,320
Most people are not driving
like a maniac like you.
605
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,520
I'm not.
I'm doing 34 miles an hour.
606
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,320
At the moment.
607
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,480
So that we're clear,
we completely accept
608
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:59,840
that this car
can do 351 miles
between charges, don't we?
609
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:01,600
I don't know,
I haven't tried it.
610
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,800
I think we should accept that
if that's what Tesla says
611
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,760
and we don't have any
evidence to the contrary.
612
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,720
What, you just take what
a car manufacturer
says as being gospel?
613
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,640
Vauxhall says its cars
are exciting.
614
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,280
I wouldn't wish to contradict
them on television
615
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,400
unless we had strong
evidence to the contrary.
616
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,440
Suggesting a claim by
the manufacturer is untrue
617
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,520
is not where we're going
to go today, is it?
618
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,720
All right, then. Batteries.
619
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,680
We on this show
have some experience
620
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,840
of electrical fires
in a crash.
621
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,400
And this has the same sort of
batteries that the Rimac had.
622
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,160
Yeah, that was in
a crash, wasn't it?
623
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,640
Drove off an edge and
rolled down two hillsides.
624
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,200
You're saying Richard Hammond
was too small to see over
the steering wheel?
625
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:40,760
I'm not saying anything,
626
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,320
I'm just saying that
that was a crash.
627
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,040
What people don't understand
628
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,440
is that if you crash
an electrical car,
629
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,640
and it has
lithium-ion batteries,
it could catch fire.
630
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,640
And often,
the fire brigade will turn up
631
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:52,960
and they've only
got water on board,
632
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,200
so as you're sitting there,
on fire,
633
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,080
you're then
being electrocuted.
634
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,640
It's just something
that's worth
bearing in mind, isn't it?
635
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,360
I think we should
make it clear
636
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,240
that we're not suggesting
that these cars
637
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:04,680
have any inherent defect.
638
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,320
I mean, look what
happened with Samsung
with their batteries.
639
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,480
We're not gonna start
defaming Samsung, are we?
640
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,400
I think the battery
is a good analogy
641
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,640
for libel law
and reviews generally,
642
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,880
in that it has
to be balanced.
643
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,920
You must have
the positive and
you must have the negative.
644
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:21,840
Shall we bear that in mind?
645
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,760
What we should bear in mind
is that - what I've just
written on the screen.
646
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,840
I know an area
we need to discuss.
647
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:33,080
I think the biggest drawback
with this car, actually,
is the width of it.
648
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,120
It's so wide, 79 inches,
649
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,440
that it won't actually
go across Albert Bridge
in London.
650
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,040
It really won't go
across the bridge
651
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:43,120
or do you mean it won't go
through a width restriction,
a road narrowing?
652
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:44,880
Right, so I have to say
653
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,840
this is too wide
to fit through
654
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,480
the width restriction
at the start,
655
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,760
and indeed finish,
of Albert Bridge?
656
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,040
That's perfect.
657
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,120
There is, however,
one advantage to this size.
658
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,520
Especially in
a supermarket car park
659
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,040
when your Model X
is full of lawyers.
660
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:08,960
- It can be interpreted--
-No, no. Listen.
661
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,880
Mean what you say, say what
you mean, that's the law.
662
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,960
Just stay there, all right?
Stay there.
663
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,920
OK. Got the phone.
Summon mode, forwards.
664
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,840
I'm sorry, that never
ceases to amaze me.
665
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,840
Little bit more,
little bit more...
666
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,760
And... Stop!
667
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,240
Right, now they can't
open the doors -
668
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:39,680
they're trapped -
669
00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:41,480
which means
they can't interfere
670
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,960
when I tell you this car's
really big drawback.
671
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,280
It's £156,000.
672
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,760
JEREMY: There is...
a lot to like on that.
673
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,400
-Yeah.
-There's a lot to like.
674
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,960
Thing is, though,
675
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:05,080
is that an SUV
that we all like?
676
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,400
No. Not at that price.
677
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:07,960
No, 156 is silly.
678
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,400
I do love some
of the gimmicks.
679
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,640
Yeah, now, on that, I have
to say, you know the summon
facility it's got on it?
680
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,760
That didn't always work.
681
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,600
And then there was
the business on the motorway
682
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,000
where it checks
for traffic coming behind
before moving lanes.
683
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:21,440
How'd you find that?
684
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,840
Well, I can't say.
685
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,160
So I got a lawyer
to write this for me.
686
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,440
It's my honest belief
that a driverless system
687
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,480
does not always
behave as you'd expect
688
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,000
and when it doesn't,
it can be discomforting.
689
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,160
Discomforting?
690
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,840
However,
I acknowledge and accept
691
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,880
that a number of external
factors can reasonably result
692
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,840
in a driverless car's
decision to deactivate
self-driving,
693
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:48,920
including,
but not limited to,
694
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:52,280
other cars on the road
unexpectedly accelerating.
695
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:53,680
-So...
-No.
696
00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:55,640
-No, just...
697
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,560
For the avoidance
of any doubt,
698
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,400
these personal observations
about driverless cars
699
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:01,640
are my honest opinion
700
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,400
and should not be
regarded as any statement
701
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,760
about the general safety,
roadworthiness
or mechanical effectiveness
702
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,640
of this specific car
or any other Tesla vehicle.
703
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:13,520
It is bloody fast, though,
isn't it?
704
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:14,800
-It really was!
-Really fast!
705
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:16,520
We actually put it round
the Eboladrome.
706
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,080
It did a 1.29.06,
which is the same
as a five-litre Mustang.
707
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,880
-It is quick.
708
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,480
But anyway, we must
park the Tesla now
709
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,000
and move on to
Celebrity Face Off!
710
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:43,400
Another important question,
and it's this.
711
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:47,600
Who is the world's fastest
golfing enthusiast?
712
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,360
Well, to find out,
would you please welcome
713
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,120
Rory McIlroy
and Paris Hilton!
714
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,960
JEREMY: Look at this!
715
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,960
That is a surprise!
716
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,600
Hello, chap, how are you?
Have a seat.
717
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,480
Paris, lovely to see you,
how are you?
718
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,720
-Great.
-Have a seat!
719
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,240
We're not messing around.
720
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,560
We are not
messing around this week.
721
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,960
Now, you are both
golf enthusiasts.
722
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,560
You obviously are, cos you're
heavyweight golfing champion
of the world.
723
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,640
-Sorta need to be, yeah.
724
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,520
You, more of a surprise,
but your family, of course,
725
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:28,040
does own 50 golf tracks,
doesn't it?
726
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,440
Yes.
727
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,080
Or was it courses?
Courses, that's what it is.
728
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,080
Fifty golf-- So you play
quite a bit of golf.
729
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:37,320
I'm not as good a golfer
as him, obviously.
730
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:38,920
As him? No, that figures.
731
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:42,920
But I have been playing since
I was around four years old.
732
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:46,240
The one area of golf
I really genuinely love
are the golf carts.
733
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:47,920
Me too.
734
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,840
I don't think I've ever
got out of a fully
functioning golf cart.
735
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:53,120
In my life, ever.
736
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:54,680
Cos I've always crashed them.
737
00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:56,160
I don't know what it is
that makes you think
738
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,720
"Right, I'm going
to go a million."
739
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,520
You would like my golf cart
because I've got
the restrictor taken off it
740
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,160
so it goes about
50 miles an hour.
741
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:03,680
-You're kidding.
-No, it does.
742
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:06,360
-That's sick.
-How much damage
could I do with that?
743
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:07,960
-You could do a lot.
744
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,200
I love the golf carts.
745
00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:10,680
Actually,
when I was a little girl,
746
00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,280
my grandfather has
747
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:14,760
a Rolls Royce golf cart
and a Bentley one.
748
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,600
So my sister and I decided
that we wanted to race them.
749
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,920
So we're going around
the pond on the golf course
750
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,960
and going so fast,
751
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,080
I smashed the Rolls
into this huge rock.
752
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:29,200
The entire thing was smashed,
it was totalled.
753
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:31,040
We were so scared,
we just ran away.
754
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:32,960
And then later
my grandpa's like,
755
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,240
"Where's the Rolls? I wanna
go golfing right now."
756
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,880
Stolen. Stolen is the answer.
That's what I always say.
757
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,680
Someone went
and had a joyride in it.
758
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:44,480
I know one thing
I wanted to talk
about is golfing slang.
759
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,280
-OK.
-Cos apparently
760
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,760
there's quite a bit of,
well, it's quite rude.
761
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,080
Are you familiar with this?
762
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,240
There's a Richard Hammond,
I know that.
763
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:53,640
There's a Richard Hammond,
which means
764
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:55,160
straight down
the middle like a rocket,
765
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,560
then veers off into
the rough at the last minute.
766
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,800
Jamie Oliver, you really
wanna smack it but you can't.
767
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,520
I actually like Jamie Oliver,
make that quite plain.
768
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,080
This is not me, this is
just golfing people.
769
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:18,360
Ryanair. OK in the air
but landed miles from
where you wanted it to be.
770
00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:21,400
Right, shall we
get on to cars?
771
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,440
Cos this is another thing
you two have in common.
772
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:27,240
Genuinely an astonishing
collection of cars
that you both have.
773
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,200
You started, at the age
of 17, with a BMW.
774
00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:32,160
Yeah, I had a 1 Series
was my first car.
775
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,240
-Not very well, no.
776
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,600
I thought I was cool
having a BMW at that age,
777
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,880
just passed my test.
778
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,760
Tried to do some
handbrake turns in
the golf club car park
779
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,120
and that didn't go so well.
780
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,960
Nearly actually drove it
through the front door
of the golf club.
781
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,320
Hit a big, high kerb,
bent the steering axle
782
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,080
and I literally had
to drive it like this
783
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,240
to keep it straight for
the five miles I went home.
784
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:55,760
And I got back to my parents
785
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,600
and I said I had to swerve
to miss a fox and hit a kerb.
786
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:02,360
But, any girls watching,
they will have
been impressed.
787
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:03,680
We've argued this many times.
788
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:05,720
When a girl sees a guy
do a handbrake turn,
789
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,440
it's like when a peacock
does that feather thing.
790
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,120
You say
you're not interested,
791
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,480
but you are, aren't you?
792
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,600
-I think it's pretty hot.
-There you go.
793
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:16,800
First honest girl
I've ever met.
794
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:21,040
So that was your 1 Series,
and then you moved up
quickly, age 19, I think?
795
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,560
I won my first professional
golf tournament at 19
796
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,920
and I always thought
the image of success
was a Ferrari,
797
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,000
so I bought a Ferrari at 19.
798
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,400
How the hell
did you insure it?
799
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:36,880
The premium was quite high.
800
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,520
-Make it live for us.
-25 grand a year.
801
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:43,640
You need to win
a lot of golf.
802
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,800
Yeah, you do, yeah, yeah.
803
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:47,760
And did that kindle
a love of Ferraris?
804
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,160
It did, yeah. And
I always knew that
you've loved Ferraris
805
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:52,920
and the reason that
I have the cars that
I have at the minute,
806
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:56,240
I saw you test drive
the F12 that I have.
807
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,680
Oh, the F12?
That's a scary car.
808
00:41:58,720 --> 00:42:00,160
-Yeah.
809
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,160
That's a really,
that's almost too fast.
810
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:03,720
And didn't you get
a LaFerrari?
811
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:04,920
I've got a LaFerrari, yeah.
812
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,920
No, cos why did you go for a
LaFerrari and not a P1,
813
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,160
which I proved on this show
was better?
814
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,400
I would have killed myself
in a P1, I think.
815
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,360
The P1 is nuts,
but they are brilliant.
816
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,400
-I mean,
the LaFerrari is also...
-It's incredible.
817
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,240
I haven't taken
the LaFerrari on a track
818
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,280
like what we obviously
did today,
819
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,080
and I don't know
if I'd want to.
820
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,360
I'd be so scared
of flipping it or rolling it.
821
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,200
That's where it belongs,
on a track.
822
00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:30,680
-I know, I just...
I'm scared.
823
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:32,400
That's an impressive
car collection.
824
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,080
Well, not really
a collection,
825
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:35,840
but two really
super-fast Ferraris.
826
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,080
But yours is not far behind,
cos you've got a McLaren.
827
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:39,840
Yes.
828
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,480
-I love it.
829
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:44,160
I think it's just such
a sexy car.
830
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,040
It is. And then, and
I really hate to say this,
831
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,520
my favourite car in the whole
wide world, you also own.
832
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:53,120
Which is slightly
murderous, actually,
is the word I'm looking for.
833
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,800
You've got a Lexus LFA.
834
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,200
I actually got the second one
they ever made.
835
00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,600
-So I was so excited.
836
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:00,760
And just driving
on the street,
837
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:02,400
no one had ever
seen it before
838
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,400
so they looked at it
like a UFO or something.
839
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:05,560
That is definitely
a head-turner.
840
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,360
Didn't you drive
a Bentley every day?
841
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,520
Yes, I actually had
a Bentley custom-made
842
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:14,000
so it's all baby pink
with crystals on it.
843
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:15,360
-Oh, wow, that's...
-There you go.
844
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,880
It's very pink. I used
to drive it all the time,
845
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,280
but when I drive it,
it's literally like
Mickey Mouse at Disneyland.
846
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,120
People are pulling over
on the freeway.
847
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,600
-I wonder why.
-Taking selfies.
848
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,360
It causes, like,
accidents almost,
849
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,840
so I try to keep it
at home now.
850
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,760
Anyway, listen. You obviously
came to do your laps.
851
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,720
There's no snow this week,
which is good,
but it's still quite greasy.
852
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,560
-It was icy.
-Yeah, it was
a little greasy.
853
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,800
Icy and greasy, so we're
not gonna be looking
for a record time today.
854
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,600
And you were seriously
pushing it, by all accounts.
855
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,960
I was. I love driving fast.
856
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,960
And I love when there's
no cops around
to pull me over, so it's...
857
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:56,880
Exactly. Well, anybody
wanna see an outtake
of Paris trying really hard?
858
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,280
Let's have a look.
This is the last corner,
859
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,120
which you've
gotta slow down for.
860
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,680
Which we obviously never told
the poor girl, here we go.
861
00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,520
Shit!
862
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,600
That's a properly big one,
and well done.
863
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:15,000
-Thanks.
864
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:18,120
You did have
a problem, apparently,
with that last corner?
865
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,520
Because I just wanted
to go so fast at the end
866
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:22,840
and then just
making that right...
867
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,400
You've gotta slow
right down to get round.
868
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:26,920
I thought I was
gonna flip over,
869
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:28,520
I was actually really
scared at that point.
870
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,480
Would anybody like
to see Paris's actual lap?
871
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,080
AUDIENCE: Yes!
872
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,760
Let's play the tape!
873
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,640
JEREMY: Yep,
that's an aggressive start.
874
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,040
Let's go!
875
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,240
OK, the first S.
876
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:47,160
Ooh, beautifully done,
keeping it very tidy.
877
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,600
I like to brake there.
878
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:53,720
Was that left foot braking?
Probably not.
That's panic braking.
879
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:55,480
Ooh, I say,
that's the tail out, there.
880
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,080
On to the difficult bit.
881
00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:59,520
And how are we
gonna handle this?
882
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:04,080
First right,
wide, but nicely held.
883
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,600
And completely off the track.
884
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,640
But that's OK,
back on it again now.
885
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,480
rocks!
886
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:11,720
The what
887
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:15,680
Ooh, that's some
family-friendly words there.
888
00:45:15,720 --> 00:45:18,680
Through the gravel cell,
still looking tidy,
889
00:45:18,720 --> 00:45:21,520
not necessarily the wrong
thing to do, keeping it tidy.
890
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,880
Ooh, that's wild.
891
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,240
And now trying
to get in shape,
892
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,160
ready to go back
on the tarmac.
893
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,440
I bet this was slippery, too.
894
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:29,880
Ooh, no, you've done
that beautifully.
895
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,800
And then...
896
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,080
Right, now,
round the final left
897
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,520
and on to the straight
flat out.
898
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,240
Let's do it!
899
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,720
Now, this isn't your
tricky bit. This is now.
900
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:43,200
You've gotta start braking...
901
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:44,880
Now.
902
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:47,360
And do you?
903
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:51,760
Oh, yeah. That's heavy,
that was probably
too much braking,
904
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,880
but there we are,
anyway, you've made it
across the line.
905
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:55,360
Nicely done.
906
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,400
Good.
907
00:45:58,440 --> 00:45:59,640
Looks good.
908
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,360
So what do you reckon,
then, now you've seen that?
909
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,000
Are you feeling nervous?
910
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,320
-Yeah.
911
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:07,920
Anyone wanna see Rory's lap?
912
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:09,360
PARIS: Yeah!
AUDIENCE: Yes!
913
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,280
Let's see if you chose
the wrong sport.
914
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:12,600
Here we go.
915
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,200
Right, and we are underway.
916
00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:20,960
Third, fourth..
Brake at the 50 board.
917
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,240
JEREMY: This is a man
who's been listening to
the instructors, haven't you?
918
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,440
You can tell,
that's nicely done.
919
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,760
Listening to the instructors
is always the key, really.
920
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,920
Most men think, "I can
go better than they do.
921
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:33,520
I know more than they do."
922
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,600
Right and... Holding it on.
923
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,480
Yeah, are we gonna
take the Paris line?
924
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,240
No, we're gonna stick
on the actual track.
925
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,200
Ah, little bit. Don't let it
get too sideways, Rory!
926
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,640
Yep, that's beautifully
held through there.
927
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,560
Smooth power application,
yep.
928
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,560
More of it.
Should have done this,
you're in the wrong sport.
929
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,080
Ah, I dunno.
930
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:57,560
No, this is looking
very good indeed.
931
00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,480
Are we gonna be able
to control it here?
932
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,000
Very nice in,
keeping it to the right.
933
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,080
Which puts you in the right
place for that left.
934
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,800
You've managed to keep
two tyres on the track,
so that's all right.
935
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:08,240
And off we go.
936
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,280
OK, come on,
lift a little, turn in!
937
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:13,640
Probably not flat
through there today.
938
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,240
It's too slippery, too icy.
939
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:17,000
RORY: Here's the corner
we were having trouble with.
940
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,400
JEREMY: This is the tricky
one, the last corner.
941
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:22,480
Ooh, bit of understeer
but just keeping it...
942
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:23,880
Oh, no!
943
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,440
Just about made it
across the line!
944
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,240
Oh, yeah.
945
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,160
So there we are.
946
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,520
Right, so just so you know,
947
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:39,280
I've got some times
we've had.
948
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,440
Fastest so far 1:17,
Kevin Pietersen.
949
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:45,600
Slowest, Dynamo,
last week, 1.39.3.
950
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:48,000
But the track was
two feet deep in snow
951
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:49,640
so he has got an excuse.
952
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,080
-Oh, my goodness.
-He does.
953
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:52,920
Got your times here.
954
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,920
Paris Hilton...
955
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,600
1.25.8.
956
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,640
So that puts you - have
a round of applause for that.
957
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,040
You're faster than two people
you've never heard of:
958
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:11,280
Alfie Boe and Bill Bailey
are both, well, round
about that sort of time, OK?
959
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:15,720
1.25.8, that's the time
you've gotta beat
on a greasy track, Rory.
960
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:19,600
One...
961
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,960
21...
962
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,720
-Ooh.
-...point 9.
963
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,520
That is a very good time.
964
00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:28,400
Very good time.
965
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:32,160
Faster than Hugh Bonneville.
966
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:35,360
-There you go.
-Faster than Hugh Bonneville,
and he was on a dry track.
967
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,320
So that was extremely good.
968
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,080
-I can't thank you enough
for coming, I really can't.
-Thank you for having us.
969
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,000
Pleasure to have you here.
Ladies and gentlemen,
970
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:46,480
Paris Hilton, and the world's
fastest golfing enthusiast,
Rory McIlroy!
971
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,320
Now. Now.
972
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:57,080
Earlier on,
we were in Canada,
973
00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,480
where we proved that
medium-sized SUVs
974
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,760
are useless at everything.
975
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:06,400
But Mr Willman said the tests
we'd done were idiotic.
976
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:09,240
Yeah, he said people actually
buy them to go canoeing
977
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,400
and hiking
and mountain biking,
978
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:14,440
and he then also said
that we could only come home
979
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:17,360
once we'd completed
one more challenge.
980
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:35,200
JAMES: Why are we
towing speedboats?
981
00:49:35,240 --> 00:49:36,480
Never mind that, James.
982
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:39,320
Why have you bought
a brown speedboat?
983
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,400
Er, it's orange.
984
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:43,240
Never mind James's
brown speed boat,
985
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,400
where's your Alfa Romeo?
986
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,880
It was stolen.
987
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,640
-No, it wasn't.
- It was!
988
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,920
I came out of the hotel this
morning, it was just gone.
Literally gone.
989
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:56,360
You know Canada is number one
in the world for car theft?
990
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:57,680
No, it isn't.
991
00:49:57,720 --> 00:49:59,800
So what I've done
is I've replaced it
992
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:02,880
with this Ford F150
pickup truck,
993
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,760
which is the best-selling
vehicle, not just in Canada,
994
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,040
but the entire world.
995
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:11,760
Yeah, but the fact is
you've replaced your Alfa
996
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,240
because we were told
to tow speedboats
997
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,800
and you can't fit
a towbar to a Stelvio.
998
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:21,320
The problem is that they've
routed the exhaust
999
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:22,680
on the Stelvio in such a way
1000
00:50:22,720 --> 00:50:25,160
that you can't, actually, as
Hammond says, fit a towbar.
1001
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,480
I think the thing is,
1002
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:31,480
that in Italy it's unmanly
and undignified
to tow something.
1003
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,080
I mean, why would
they tow something?
1004
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:35,280
It just slows you down.
1005
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,240
Soon, we arrived
at the start point
1006
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,360
for Mr Willman's challenge.
1007
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,920
Which was precisely
in the middle of nowhere.
1008
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,320
JEREMY: James...
1009
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:51,720
This is a skip.
1010
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:53,640
No, it's just all stuff
that was thrown in.
1011
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:55,760
Literally thrown in, yeah.
1012
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:58,560
-It's all boat stuff.
1013
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,600
Well, that's probably
something to do with boating.
1014
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:02,080
It isn't anything
to do with boating!
1015
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:03,960
This is an oar
and a boat suit and...
1016
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,080
-Looking for bears.
1017
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:07,440
Why?
1018
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,360
Because one of the
things I don't wanna be
is eaten by a bear.
1019
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:12,640
I wouldn't worry about
being eaten by one.
1020
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:14,000
Well, I do.
1021
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:15,480
Well,
they do far worse than that.
1022
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,240
-Hang on, hang on,
we have a message,
1023
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,120
and it's from Mr Willman.
1024
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,920
"Each of your cars
has been fitted with
a satellite compass
1025
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:25,880
which will direct you
to the finish line.
1026
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:30,040
Whoever arrives first can
claim to have the best SUV."
1027
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:31,320
Well, that's me.
1028
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:33,360
Well, apart from
you haven't got an SUV.
1029
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,080
It's got a twin
turbo-charged V6 -
1030
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:36,400
same as the Alfa.
1031
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:38,120
Four-wheel drive,
same as the Alfa.
1032
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:40,520
It's exactly the same colour.
1033
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:43,600
JEREMY: With all that
cleared up... the race began.
1034
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:45,960
-Ah!
1035
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:47,680
Right, where are we
now? There.
1036
00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:51,680
My compass thing
says I've gotta go
in that direction
1037
00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:53,800
for 5.1 kilometres.
1038
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:56,960
How hard can that be?
1039
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:04,760
Come on, little Porsche,
this is your chance to show
your off-road credentials.
1040
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:07,800
The Porsche is the only one
with a proper four-wheel
drive system for this.
1041
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:10,200
It can divert all of its
power to the front wheels
1042
00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:12,720
so it can scrabble its way
out of trouble like a dog,
1043
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,440
pulling itself
with its front legs.
1044
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:20,720
Right. Typical of those two,
just roar off
being brilliant.
1045
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,040
Let's have a look
at the map first.
1046
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:28,360
Might just go
straight up here.
1047
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:30,440
Through these nettles.
1048
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,840
What are they,
Christmas trees?
I don't know what they are.
1049
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:39,800
If you really want
to go off-road,
1050
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:41,600
you need a real off-roader.
1051
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:45,680
A Range Rover,
a Land Cruiser, a Raptor.
1052
00:52:45,720 --> 00:52:47,960
There's no point messing
around with a little SUV.
1053
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:49,240
It's not gonna go anywhere.
1054
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaking of which...
1055
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:57,800
RICHARD: Oh, I'm stuck.
1056
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:00,000
I'm going backwards now.
1057
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:09,200
So I'm going west-northwest.
That's high terrain...
1058
00:53:09,240 --> 00:53:11,720
That's very high,
I want to avoid that.
I should try to...
1059
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:16,440
Come on, come on.
1060
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:25,000
Four-wheel drive overload,
rear-wheel drive only.
1061
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:26,680
Reduce engine load.
1062
00:53:26,720 --> 00:53:28,360
It doesn't work!
1063
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:30,600
I need another route.
1064
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:34,320
RICHARD: James, meanwhile,
had sorted out his route
1065
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,800
and was now
sorting out his car.
1066
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:40,640
I'm putting my
response system
in grass, gravel and snow.
1067
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:42,160
It has just started snowing.
1068
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:43,480
-I also have--
1069
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:45,520
Who the hell is that?
1070
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:47,520
It's Hammond, look,
he's got exactly nowhere.
1071
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:50,240
What a spanner.
1072
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:52,880
Anyway.
1073
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:55,880
JEREMY: With both
my colleagues still
on the start line,
1074
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:58,320
I was winning by miles.
1075
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,320
This is a very narrow
little path, this one.
1076
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,280
I don't want to be
making a mess... Oh, hello.
1077
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:07,560
Right.
1078
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:10,880
What that is
is a fallen-down tree.
1079
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,520
How the hell do you
reverse a trailer?
1080
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:18,760
So if I turn the steering
wheel this way...
1081
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,760
This way.
1082
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,120
Yeah, I've got it,
I've got it.
1083
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:30,320
This is a bit... No, not...
1084
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,640
Oh, shit, no! Ooh, God!
1085
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:39,800
Boat is still attached,
correct.
1086
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:42,400
Direction, roughly right.
1087
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,440
Everything's excellent.
1088
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:47,760
Plenty of power,
this is good.
1089
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,080
Right,
arrow's pointing that way.
1090
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:57,280
Now we're making progress.
1091
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:02,400
I want to go...
If I turn into the...
1092
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,120
No, this way.
1093
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,120
Oh, Christ, that's not right.
1094
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:13,920
JEREMY: Having carefully
unhitched the trailer...
1095
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:16,080
Right.
1096
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,280
I was soon turned round
and back on the move
1097
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,400
looking for another route.
1098
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:27,320
Trailers definitely
have an intelligence.
1099
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:29,760
They have a mind of their own
and it's a vindictive mind.
1100
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:31,480
It wants you to fail.
1101
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:36,760
JEREMY: And, thanks
to its vindictiveness,
1102
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,680
all of my lead in this
important race was gone.
1103
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:46,840
Quite ballsy of
Land Rover, really,
1104
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:51,600
to build a car that doesn't
have a low-ratio gearbox.
1105
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,960
But there is a lot of
electronically-controlled
stuff.
1106
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,760
The central diff,
for example - it just
locked for me then.
1107
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:59,560
I can feel it
working stuff out,
1108
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:01,880
finding the grip
on different wheels.
1109
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,200
And it works: look at that.
1110
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,360
My off-road work
is exceptional.
1111
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,880
How long before James May
says keep your thumbs
out of the steering wheel?
1112
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,400
It's all he knows
about off-roading.
1113
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:22,400
Thumbs outside
the steering wheel
in case it kicks.
1114
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:27,080
Mud ruts selected.
1115
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:29,880
Just because it's gone
a bit slippery.
1116
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:33,800
JAMES: But then,
I too hit a dead end.
1117
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:35,040
Oh, cock.
1118
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:39,160
Right, trailer reversing tip,
1119
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:43,360
if I look in the mirror
and I say I want
the boat to go that side,
1120
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,360
I lift that hand.
1121
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,640
So you look in the mirror.
So I'll do that...
1122
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:56,320
Right,
well, I am getting closer
1123
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:57,960
according to
my electronic compass.
1124
00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,320
This is looking good.
1125
00:57:00,720 --> 00:57:02,720
I've just gotta hope
they don't find this track.
1126
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:08,760
To be honest, in the Raptor,
I didn't need a track.
1127
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:11,960
I'm not a fan of
pickup trucks
1128
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,240
and I will kill you
if you ever tell
Richard Hammond this,
1129
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:15,840
but this is impressive.
1130
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:19,560
It's just drumming its
fingers coming along here.
1131
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:22,440
I mean, if I'd have asked it
to tow a battleship,
1132
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:26,240
maybe it would be
struggling a bit,
but a speedboat? Pah.
1133
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:34,120
Yes! Well done you,
little car!
1134
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,880
Do you know,
I'm gonna win this.
1135
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:41,200
Oh, hang on a minute.
1136
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,880
This thing's telling me,
it must be the other
side of the lake.
1137
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:50,520
I can see a flag.
1138
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:52,000
There's a flag. It's there.
1139
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:54,920
Clearly,
it would be impossible
1140
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:57,960
to drive the Macan
round the shoreline.
1141
00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:02,280
So I needed
to break out the map
and find another route.
1142
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:04,160
A track, a track, a track.
There will be one.
1143
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:07,800
Oh...
Oh, good.
1144
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,760
JEREMY:
Why've you stopped here?
Finish line's over there.
1145
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,920
Yes, I know, I'm just
working out how to get there!
1146
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:17,680
You just drive round the
outside, look, on the beach.
1147
00:58:17,720 --> 00:58:19,320
I can't do that.
1148
00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:21,080
That's cos you're
in the wrong car.
1149
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,720
-No, you're in the wrong car.
-I'm not in the wrong car!
1150
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,360
You are!
1151
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:28,400
JEREMY: Rather
than have a pointless
debate about this,
1152
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:33,920
I decided to let
the Raptor do the talking.
1153
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:36,560
Here we go. Oh, yep.
1154
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,200
JAMES:
Meanwhile, very far back,
1155
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:41,840
in a blizzard, on a hill,
1156
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:44,280
the Velar's electronics,
predictably,
1157
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:46,360
were starting to struggle.
1158
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:50,280
Right, no traction launch.
Activate.
1159
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,240
Doesn't like it.
1160
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:55,920
Oh, no!
1161
00:58:57,160 --> 00:59:00,040
I've gotta be honest,
I'm a bit disappointed.
1162
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,480
I'm using absolutely
everything on here.
1163
00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:06,880
No.
1164
00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:11,720
Come on. There you go.
1165
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:17,240
Oh! What's that big bump?
1166
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:19,520
This beach is woodier
than I thought.
1167
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:23,480
But the speedboat is still
upright, and that's good.
1168
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:25,800
And round we go.
1169
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:30,920
Ooh. Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
1170
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:33,320
No! Bloody hell!
1171
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:37,480
Distance, reducing.
1172
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:40,520
Hill descent control
is automatically on.
1173
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:43,360
Controlling the speed
with my thumb.
1174
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:47,480
It's excellent at going down
hills, this Range Rover.
1175
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:49,200
Not so sure
about it going up them.
1176
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:53,080
JEREMY: Having righted
the boat with no help
from any of the film crew...
1177
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:58,240
I was back on the move.
1178
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:02,080
Stop just dithering about.
1179
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:05,120
Ooh, God!
1180
01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:12,440
Found it.
1181
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:16,120
This is what we need.
1182
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,560
Proper track.
It's farther from the lake,
I'll have further to go
1183
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:20,920
but I can get a move on.
1184
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:22,680
Now we've got
a race on our hands.
1185
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:26,600
JAMES: Eventually,
I arrived at the lake,
1186
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:28,840
but I wasn't worried
about how far back I was
1187
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:32,080
because I'd had an idea.
1188
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:35,400
That message from Mr Willman,
1189
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:38,680
it said the first person
to get to the finishing
line, didn't it?
1190
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:40,360
-Yes.
1191
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:43,080
The first person. Didn't
say anything about the car.
1192
01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:47,560
So why don't I just unload
the boat and boat across?
1193
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:50,680
JEREMY: Meanwhile,
I'd left the difficult beach
through a wood
1194
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:56,000
and was on a track
with a problem.
1195
01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:59,080
My vindictive trailer has now
decided to have a puncture.
1196
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:06,000
Well, I'm going to pay
it back by not stopping
cos I haven't got time.
1197
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:10,800
JEREMY: I didn't even stop
when the vindictive trailer
decided to be on fire.
1198
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:22,760
Oh, I'm gonna
lose that outboard.
1199
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:30,920
Boat suit.
1200
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:40,520
One wheel on my wagon
and I'm still rolling along.
1201
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:43,880
This is good.
This is very good.
1202
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:45,720
But then...
1203
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:47,360
Bloody hell.
1204
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:49,720
No! I'm in another dead end!
1205
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:52,880
There was only
one thing for it:
1206
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:55,400
another manual
three-point turn.
1207
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:06,440
This steel's just so
warm and comfortable!
1208
01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:13,240
Whoa! Come on!
1209
01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:15,760
Drifting my boat.
1210
01:02:29,320 --> 01:02:30,920
I'm 57.
1211
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,800
No! No, no!
1212
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:46,240
Come on, come on, come on.
1213
01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:48,920
Right.
1214
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:52,040
JAMES: Meanwhile, I was
ready for the final charge.
1215
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:53,640
Goodbye, losers.
1216
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:56,520
Ignition, start!
1217
01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:06,520
Oh, cock.
1218
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:11,400
I'm just going
as fast as I dare.
1219
01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:17,760
Speed... speed power.
1220
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:22,440
JAMES: With the other
two heading for failure,
1221
01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:24,960
I got HMS Orange started
1222
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:28,360
and was cruising
to an easy win.
1223
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:29,880
This is just brilliant.
1224
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:31,720
Full throttle!
1225
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:44,280
Oh, cock.
1226
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,240
The boat is beginning
to behave oddly!
1227
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:51,360
There is a bit
of water coming in,
but it's not very far.
1228
01:03:57,680 --> 01:03:59,200
Come on!
1229
01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:05,120
There's the flag!
1230
01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:10,960
Oh, really?
1231
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:12,720
Los-er!
1232
01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:15,440
Oh, God.
1233
01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:17,880
-Well, hang on a minute.
1234
01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:19,320
Where's your boat?
1235
01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,400
-It's there.
-No, it's not.
1236
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:23,720
It's just some bits of boat!
1237
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:26,200
It's a boat jigsaw.
1238
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:28,960
So you're finishing this race
without your car,
1239
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:31,800
without your trailer or
the boat that was on it...
1240
01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:34,080
-I have got the boat!
-You've got
some bits of boat.
1241
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:36,200
-You're claiming
to be the winner.
-Listen.
1242
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:38,640
You've come second,
you're taking it badly.
1243
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:40,560
I think it doesn't matter
1244
01:04:40,600 --> 01:04:43,760
because an even
more interesting race
1245
01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:46,560
is developing out on
the water as we speak.
1246
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:50,800
Handling is affected
by water ingress!
1247
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:52,800
It's getting closer
to my kneecaps!
1248
01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:55,640
Oh, Canadian flag, come on!
1249
01:04:55,680 --> 01:05:00,160
Will he make it to the
finish point before he sinks?
1250
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:02,800
-That's got some tension
in it, hasn't it?
-I know!
1251
01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:04,800
There's no tension here,
this is done.
1252
01:05:04,840 --> 01:05:06,920
-Oh, yeah,
this is very tense.
-But we'll give you more.
1253
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:08,680
You two! Help!
1254
01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:11,680
Come and rescue!
I'm going down!
1255
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:13,880
My boat's smashed
to pieces, James,
1256
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:15,440
I can't help you with that.
1257
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:19,600
My boat's, look,
it'll take me ages.
It's all the way over there!
1258
01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:21,520
It's going down!
1259
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:24,480
I'd have to move mine
out of the way...
1260
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:27,120
And then I'd have
to walk up there,
along those rocks...
1261
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:30,360
It's gone! Oh, Jesus, ah!
1262
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:32,000
It's so cold!
1263
01:05:32,040 --> 01:05:34,800
JEREMY: Look, he's going...
-Argh, you bastard!
1264
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:36,360
JEREMY: Have you ever seen...
1265
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:38,480
Argh! My testicles
are retreating!
1266
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:40,360
We don't need to know that!
1267
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:42,360
-Oh, no!
1268
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:44,520
-Ooh!
-Oh! Oh!
1269
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:46,400
That hurt me just watching!
1270
01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:48,720
I've got a runny nose
thinking of it.
1271
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:50,000
My bits just shrivelled!
1272
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:54,080
-That was a cold, cold day.
1273
01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:56,640
-I wouldn't want to be
in that water.
1274
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:59,560
-You couldn't help.
-l really wouldn't.
1275
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:06,760
What that film proves is
that if you want to buy
a Range Rover Velar
1276
01:06:06,800 --> 01:06:08,840
or a Stelvio or a Macan,
1277
01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:11,280
you're better off
with a Ford Raptor.
1278
01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:15,440
Yeah, not only that,
the Raptor is actually
nearly half the price.
1279
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:18,440
Yes, but you can't
buy a Raptor in Britain.
1280
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:20,720
And so, on that terrible
disappointment,
1281
01:06:20,760 --> 01:06:23,600
for you lot, at least,
it's time to end.
1282
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:25,440
Thank you so much
for watching, goodbye!
93653
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