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1
00:00:00,845 --> 00:00:03,818
- Contrary to popular belief,
the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo
2
00:00:03,885 --> 00:00:04,887
wasn't racist.
3
00:00:04,953 --> 00:00:05,889
It was racial.
4
00:00:05,955 --> 00:00:06,891
There's a difference.
5
00:00:06,957 --> 00:00:07,859
[both giggling]
6
00:00:07,926 --> 00:00:08,928
Mr. Aquino,
7
00:00:08,995 --> 00:00:10,063
passing notes and giggling?
8
00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:12,167
Not on my watch.
9
00:00:12,234 --> 00:00:13,604
"Could the postcolonial
reconstruction
10
00:00:13,671 --> 00:00:15,775
of the American Southwest
be any cooler?"
11
00:00:15,842 --> 00:00:17,746
How dare you be sarcastic
with me!
12
00:00:17,812 --> 00:00:18,781
- Mr. Wallace, it's sincere.
13
00:00:18,848 --> 00:00:19,850
I'm that nerdy.
14
00:00:19,917 --> 00:00:20,985
- How's this for sincere?
15
00:00:21,052 --> 00:00:22,187
Extra reading tonight.
16
00:00:22,254 --> 00:00:23,558
On Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
17
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,760
STUDENT: Oh, man!
[students snickering]
18
00:00:24,826 --> 00:00:26,362
MR. WALLACE: Dissect
the Rosenbergs' timeline
19
00:00:26,429 --> 00:00:28,333
and see how it lines up
with the show The Americans.
20
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,170
Passing notes
is a slippery slope.
21
00:00:30,237 --> 00:00:31,574
CHRISSY AS SKELETON:
[demonic voice] Hi, Teach.
22
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:32,943
You bored me to death!
23
00:00:33,009 --> 00:00:34,245
- Oh, God! Ahh!
24
00:00:34,312 --> 00:00:36,550
Oh, God! Ahh! Oh, God.
[laughter]
25
00:00:36,617 --> 00:00:38,486
- Oh, my God. That was so cool.
26
00:00:38,554 --> 00:00:42,294
- I'm your sub, Mr. Boner,
and I'm hard for history.
27
00:00:42,361 --> 00:00:43,698
- I don't...
- I don't deserve to die.
28
00:00:43,764 --> 00:00:45,434
- Oh, God! Oh, God!
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
29
00:00:45,501 --> 00:00:48,674
- We still good to try that new
WWE-themed ice cream place,
30
00:00:48,741 --> 00:00:49,676
Stone Cold Creamery?
31
00:00:49,743 --> 00:00:51,279
- Gimme a hell yeah!
32
00:00:51,346 --> 00:00:52,448
ARABELLA: Hey. Chrissy, right?
33
00:00:52,515 --> 00:00:53,818
BENNIGAN:
Arabella, don't hurt us!
34
00:00:53,884 --> 00:00:55,855
One of us could be the person
to solve global warming.
35
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,157
- You know my name?
36
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,228
- That skeleton thing you did
was so dank.
37
00:00:59,295 --> 00:01:01,366
Like, such a subversion
of Western hegemony.
38
00:01:01,432 --> 00:01:02,636
- Oh, yeah, that's, uh,
39
00:01:02,702 --> 00:01:04,472
my least favorite kind
of hegemony.
40
00:01:04,539 --> 00:01:06,911
- We're protesting fast fashion
at Camry's later.
41
00:01:06,977 --> 00:01:08,246
- You should come.
- Uh, yeah.
42
00:01:08,313 --> 00:01:09,215
Okay, I'll be there.
43
00:01:09,282 --> 00:01:10,852
- TTYL, Chrissy.
44
00:01:10,919 --> 00:01:12,321
We have to stop at Forever 21.
45
00:01:12,388 --> 00:01:14,626
- I'm gonna hang out with
Arabella and her friends today?
46
00:01:14,693 --> 00:01:16,764
- Sure, she's popular,
but what's the big deal?
47
00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:19,101
- They're somebody.
- People remember their names.
48
00:01:19,168 --> 00:01:21,005
They're not just "new girl."
Oh, God.
49
00:01:21,072 --> 00:01:22,441
What do I wear
to protest fast fashion?
50
00:01:22,509 --> 00:01:23,678
What's slow? A turtleneck?
51
00:01:23,744 --> 00:01:25,347
- You mean after we get
ice cream, right?
52
00:01:25,414 --> 00:01:27,217
The flavors will put you
in a suplex.
53
00:01:27,284 --> 00:01:29,021
- Cool if we reschedule?
- Totally.
54
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,157
- TTYL.
55
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:32,996
- [laughs] LOL, NP...
56
00:01:33,063 --> 00:01:34,733
if "LOL, NP" stood for.
57
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,708
"Losing one's laughter.
Nihilism, pain."
58
00:01:38,774 --> 00:01:41,714
[dramatic music]
59
00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:46,356
♪♪ ♪♪
60
00:01:47,224 --> 00:01:50,364
[clock ticking]
61
00:01:52,234 --> 00:01:54,238
- [slurping]
62
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:58,681
- So, uh, don't forget it's our
weekly deer skinning tonight.
63
00:01:58,748 --> 00:02:01,052
Gonna show you how to remove
soft tissue from the hide.
64
00:02:01,119 --> 00:02:02,454
- Ugh, vom.
65
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:03,824
LAURA: Okay,
can you just put down that book
66
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:04,860
and eat your breakfast?
67
00:02:04,926 --> 00:02:06,497
- It's the novelization
of Parasite.
68
00:02:06,563 --> 00:02:08,433
And breakfast
is a social construct.
69
00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:10,571
- Last week, you wanted
dinosaur-shaped pancakes,
70
00:02:10,638 --> 00:02:12,642
and now you're protesting
the idea of breakfast?
71
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:13,744
- [chuckling] Got it.
- [scoffs]
72
00:02:13,811 --> 00:02:15,213
Some of us are interested
in growth,
73
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,282
not just being a shill.
74
00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:17,752
- I literally support anarchy.
75
00:02:17,819 --> 00:02:19,288
- That outfit is anarchy.
76
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:20,925
- All right, Chrissy,
what has gotten into you?
77
00:02:20,992 --> 00:02:22,194
- Stop calling me that.
78
00:02:22,261 --> 00:02:23,931
My girlfriends call me
Skelli-Trash Bride.
79
00:02:23,998 --> 00:02:26,002
- Wait a minute... you don't have
any friends that are girls.
80
00:02:26,069 --> 00:02:28,440
- I have more of a life outside
of this house than you think.
81
00:02:28,507 --> 00:02:30,511
- Coming from the girl who took
Erwin to the fall dance?
82
00:02:30,578 --> 00:02:32,549
- I'm right here.
- Whatever!
83
00:02:32,615 --> 00:02:34,452
[horn honks]
I'm gonna be late. Bye.
84
00:02:34,519 --> 00:02:36,489
- Wait a minute.
- Who is driving you to school?
85
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,393
- Are they old enough?
- My friend Camry.
86
00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:40,865
And she repeated eighth grade
three times, so yeah.
87
00:02:40,932 --> 00:02:43,103
- Maybe your new friends
like your shitty attitude,
88
00:02:43,169 --> 00:02:44,238
but I don't.
89
00:02:44,305 --> 00:02:45,541
- [demonic voice]
- Don't touch me.
90
00:02:45,608 --> 00:02:47,612
I wanna hang out
with people my own age,
91
00:02:47,679 --> 00:02:51,687
not skin deer with some
ancient, dried out hag.
92
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:52,922
[door slams]
93
00:02:52,989 --> 00:02:54,960
- Oh, by the way, Chrissy took
one of your Wiccan tools
94
00:02:55,027 --> 00:02:56,295
- earlier.
- What?
95
00:02:56,362 --> 00:02:57,932
Why the fuck didn't you say
something sooner?
96
00:02:57,999 --> 00:02:59,068
- Maybe don't shit on me
97
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:00,303
for being someone's
fall dance date.
98
00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:01,339
[slurping]
99
00:03:01,406 --> 00:03:02,909
[door creaks]
100
00:03:02,976 --> 00:03:04,679
- That little fucking brat.
101
00:03:04,746 --> 00:03:06,015
[ominous music]
102
00:03:06,082 --> 00:03:07,151
[tires squeal]
103
00:03:07,217 --> 00:03:08,888
[goat bleats]
104
00:03:08,954 --> 00:03:11,092
And where does she get off
calling me a hag?
105
00:03:11,159 --> 00:03:12,361
I am 34.
106
00:03:12,428 --> 00:03:14,365
Thank you very much.
107
00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:16,235
[goat bleats]
108
00:03:16,302 --> 00:03:18,006
[blade swishes]
109
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:21,212
[baby crying]
110
00:03:21,947 --> 00:03:23,517
Haruch vas divinite!
111
00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:24,720
[mystical whooshing]
112
00:03:24,786 --> 00:03:27,859
[easy listening music playing]
113
00:03:27,926 --> 00:03:29,730
♪♪ ♪♪
114
00:03:29,796 --> 00:03:32,167
- Hey, Laura, I'm joining
a rec softball team.
115
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:33,871
You in? Oh, God. What's this?
116
00:03:33,938 --> 00:03:35,675
- I'm borrowing youth
from this baby.
117
00:03:35,742 --> 00:03:37,879
- So you're taking
this hag thing hard, huh?
118
00:03:37,946 --> 00:03:38,781
- Chrissy took a Wiccan tool
119
00:03:38,848 --> 00:03:40,350
that can conjure
the darkest evils,
120
00:03:40,417 --> 00:03:42,221
and it's all because of those
popular girls.
121
00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:43,724
She's only listening to them,
122
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:46,062
so I have to transform myself
into an actual tween
123
00:03:46,129 --> 00:03:47,164
- to get through to her.
- Oh.
124
00:03:47,231 --> 00:03:48,433
Well, when you put it like that,
125
00:03:48,501 --> 00:03:50,103
this kidnapping
is actually cool and normal.
126
00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:51,205
- Oh, grow up.
127
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:52,441
They're in a state
of deep slumber.
128
00:03:52,509 --> 00:03:54,478
They might as well be
in a spa right now.
129
00:03:54,546 --> 00:03:55,848
This is gonna be painful for me.
130
00:03:55,915 --> 00:03:57,050
Lock the garage door.
131
00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:59,488
No matter how much I beg you,
do not open it.
132
00:03:59,556 --> 00:04:00,892
- All right, but later,
133
00:04:00,958 --> 00:04:02,796
I get to do one weird thing
in the garage.
134
00:04:02,862 --> 00:04:03,831
[door creaks, slams]
135
00:04:03,898 --> 00:04:06,570
LAURA: [screaming]
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!
136
00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:08,473
Erwin, this wasn't worth it!
I'll Let Chrissy die!
137
00:04:08,541 --> 00:04:10,410
Please open the garage!
138
00:04:12,014 --> 00:04:13,249
- Would it kill you to smile?
139
00:04:13,316 --> 00:04:14,719
I promised Chrissy a weekend
140
00:04:14,786 --> 00:04:16,523
of gambling and smoking cigars.
141
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,128
- [speaking language]
142
00:04:19,663 --> 00:04:21,432
- [rumbling]
- Ah, hold up, hold up.
143
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:22,836
I'm getting a text.
144
00:04:22,902 --> 00:04:23,938
[creature screeches]
[flame whooshes]
145
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,075
- "Hey, Dad.
146
00:04:26,142 --> 00:04:27,612
"Can't make this weekend.
147
00:04:27,679 --> 00:04:29,181
Have a crazy school project."
148
00:04:29,248 --> 00:04:30,484
Grimacing emoji.
149
00:04:30,551 --> 00:04:32,589
"Working at Bennigan's." What?
150
00:04:32,655 --> 00:04:35,127
I'm being upstaged
by the fucking yo-yo kid?
151
00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:37,097
Son of a bitch, pulling the ol'
152
00:04:37,164 --> 00:04:39,168
"school project" routine on me?
153
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:40,470
It's code for butt stuff.
154
00:04:40,538 --> 00:04:42,441
Snake with Arms, cadaver.
155
00:04:42,509 --> 00:04:44,311
[tires screeching] [crashing]
156
00:04:44,378 --> 00:04:46,449
DRIVER: Oh, God!
I killed an armadillo!
157
00:04:46,517 --> 00:04:48,854
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
[grumbling] Fucking stairs...
158
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:50,825
[pop] All right, you sick fuck.
159
00:04:50,892 --> 00:04:52,427
- Ahh! Zombie armadillo!
160
00:04:52,495 --> 00:04:54,733
- It's me, the Devil,
in a dead armadillo.
161
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:55,935
- Wait, what do you want
from me?
162
00:04:56,002 --> 00:04:57,505
- Are... are we friends now?
- Where is she?
163
00:04:57,572 --> 00:04:59,976
I heard about your
"school project," perv.
164
00:05:00,043 --> 00:05:01,513
Your pee-pee's getting
the guillotine.
165
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:03,049
- I guess that was her cover.
166
00:05:03,116 --> 00:05:04,553
I haven't seen Chrissy in days.
167
00:05:04,619 --> 00:05:06,189
Ever since she got popular.
168
00:05:06,255 --> 00:05:07,191
- What the f...
169
00:05:07,257 --> 00:05:08,393
When did this happen?
170
00:05:08,459 --> 00:05:10,130
Tell me everything you know,
now!
171
00:05:10,197 --> 00:05:11,432
- This week! What's wrong?
172
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,537
- Popular people
are a menace to society.
173
00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,006
And this is me talking.
174
00:05:15,073 --> 00:05:17,645
I've seen this crap play out
for hundreds of years.
175
00:05:17,712 --> 00:05:19,616
First, she's popular
in middle school.
176
00:05:19,683 --> 00:05:22,589
Then she joins a middle tier
sorority in college.
177
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,024
Before you know it,
she's married
178
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,561
to some dick-nose named Trent
179
00:05:25,628 --> 00:05:27,932
who works in mergers
and acquisitions.
180
00:05:27,999 --> 00:05:29,903
She'll be so wrapped up
in that kind of shit,
181
00:05:29,970 --> 00:05:31,907
she'll lose sight of what's
really important in life.
182
00:05:31,974 --> 00:05:33,944
- Her real friends...
- Universal supremacy!
183
00:05:34,011 --> 00:05:35,848
- There's gotta be something
we can do, right?
184
00:05:35,915 --> 00:05:37,384
- Nah. We can't do shit.
185
00:05:37,451 --> 00:05:38,787
Chrissy's popular now.
186
00:05:38,854 --> 00:05:40,925
She won't listen to anyone
except...
187
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:42,795
a more popular kid.
188
00:05:42,862 --> 00:05:45,133
- You're gonna possess someone
more popular and get her back?
189
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,603
- You kidding? If I possess,
190
00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:47,972
Chrissy will sniff me out.
191
00:05:48,039 --> 00:05:49,609
I got it! You.
192
00:05:49,676 --> 00:05:50,811
- What?
- Only you can help her.
193
00:05:50,878 --> 00:05:52,347
- No, no, no.
- I can't become popular.
194
00:05:52,414 --> 00:05:53,584
I'm more of a wallflower.
195
00:05:53,651 --> 00:05:55,186
- Not just popular,
196
00:05:55,253 --> 00:05:58,159
the kind of kid she doesn't use
as a cover story.
197
00:05:58,226 --> 00:05:59,563
Plus, she seems to like you.
198
00:05:59,629 --> 00:06:01,867
Or she did, at least.
199
00:06:02,802 --> 00:06:03,737
- You know what?
200
00:06:03,804 --> 00:06:06,209
Let's make me
the coolest gosh-darn kid
201
00:06:06,275 --> 00:06:07,477
this town has ever seen.
202
00:06:07,545 --> 00:06:09,415
- Now you're talkin', Benny!
203
00:06:12,555 --> 00:06:13,524
[bell rings]
204
00:06:13,591 --> 00:06:16,429
[upbeat rock music]
205
00:06:16,496 --> 00:06:17,699
- All right, Laura.
206
00:06:17,765 --> 00:06:19,468
You're wiser and hotter
than these morons.
207
00:06:19,536 --> 00:06:20,838
I'll have Chrissy back
before lunch.
208
00:06:20,905 --> 00:06:22,274
SECRETARY EDNA: Just a reminder,
209
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:24,411
Principal Dawkins
is holding a safety assembly
210
00:06:24,478 --> 00:06:25,715
in the theater this afternoon
211
00:06:25,781 --> 00:06:27,552
on the new dangers
of teenager-ness.
212
00:06:27,619 --> 00:06:29,355
Attendance is mandatory.
213
00:06:29,421 --> 00:06:31,493
- Hi. Where can I find
Chrissy Feinberg?
214
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:32,729
I'm her lab partner.
215
00:06:32,795 --> 00:06:33,864
- Why don't you just text her?
216
00:06:33,931 --> 00:06:35,701
- Uh, because cell phones
are brain poison.
217
00:06:35,768 --> 00:06:37,004
Read a book, you dumb idiot.
218
00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:39,074
- Whoa, uncool.
- Weaponizing intelligence?
219
00:06:39,141 --> 00:06:40,945
Not a behavior
I wanna see normalized.
220
00:06:41,012 --> 00:06:43,016
- Are you all right?
- I just feel so gaslit.
221
00:06:43,082 --> 00:06:44,653
- Get away from us,
toxic new girl.
222
00:06:44,719 --> 00:06:46,623
- Aw, wait, come on, come on.
223
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:47,859
I... I didn't mean...
224
00:06:47,926 --> 00:06:49,361
Wait a minute,
why do I give a shit?
225
00:06:49,428 --> 00:06:51,332
[scoffs]
Stupid fuckin' teen spell,
226
00:06:51,399 --> 00:06:53,269
making me all hormonal
and emotional.
227
00:06:53,336 --> 00:06:56,275
[ominous music]
228
00:06:56,342 --> 00:07:03,456
♪♪ ♪♪
229
00:07:06,897 --> 00:07:08,867
- You vape?
- Sometimes.
230
00:07:08,934 --> 00:07:10,538
- You know
it gives you popcorn lung.
231
00:07:10,605 --> 00:07:12,474
- What are you, my mom?
- Uh, me? No...
232
00:07:12,542 --> 00:07:14,579
I'm Abigail Carter-Lange,
new in town,
233
00:07:14,646 --> 00:07:16,717
no discernible past,
so don't bother looking me up.
234
00:07:16,783 --> 00:07:18,988
- Okay?
- So what's the haps, huh?
235
00:07:19,054 --> 00:07:21,459
Where do the, uh, cool kids go
to let loose
236
00:07:21,526 --> 00:07:23,129
and play with
otherworldly artifacts?
237
00:07:23,196 --> 00:07:24,198
- Are you confused?
238
00:07:24,264 --> 00:07:25,501
[stall door opens]
239
00:07:25,568 --> 00:07:27,170
- Is toxic new girl
bothering you?
240
00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:28,239
- No, she just, like...
241
00:07:28,306 --> 00:07:29,976
- Who made those braces, Amtrak?
242
00:07:30,043 --> 00:07:32,515
- Those shoes should come
with a Content Warning.
243
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:33,751
- Let's leave
before toxic new girl
244
00:07:33,817 --> 00:07:35,286
tries to red-pill us.
245
00:07:35,353 --> 00:07:37,492
♪♪ ♪♪
246
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,028
- Well, who made your shoes,
huh?
247
00:07:39,094 --> 00:07:40,096
Amtrak?
248
00:07:40,163 --> 00:07:41,332
Damn it.
249
00:07:41,399 --> 00:07:43,202
[dripping]
250
00:07:43,269 --> 00:07:44,438
[dramatic music]
251
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:45,508
- "Slimm Timm"?
252
00:07:45,574 --> 00:07:47,879
Who the hell is Slimm Timm?
253
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:50,885
♪♪ ♪♪
254
00:07:50,951 --> 00:07:53,489
- All right, first step
in making you cool as shit
255
00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:55,528
was getting you
this cool-as-shit hat.
256
00:07:55,594 --> 00:07:57,565
- I will agree with you, sir,
on this.
257
00:07:57,632 --> 00:07:59,569
- This hat is super cool.
- Keep it on.
258
00:07:59,636 --> 00:08:01,038
I'm gonna pull your hair
to control you.
259
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:02,441
- Ooh, like Ratatouille.
260
00:08:02,508 --> 00:08:04,579
- If you don't shut up, you're
gonna fuck up my whole plan.
261
00:08:04,646 --> 00:08:06,048
- Oh, and... and what is
your plan, sir?
262
00:08:06,115 --> 00:08:07,719
- Let's just say
you're about to look
263
00:08:07,785 --> 00:08:09,856
like the biggest badass
in middle school history.
264
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,025
Now mush.
265
00:08:11,092 --> 00:08:12,996
- Whoa, wait. H-how?
266
00:08:13,062 --> 00:08:14,632
- I started a credible rumor
that you're banging
267
00:08:14,699 --> 00:08:16,035
the hottest teacher in school.
268
00:08:16,102 --> 00:08:17,070
- Wait. You what?
269
00:08:17,137 --> 00:08:18,907
- Miss Rainy,
you are utterly depraved!
270
00:08:18,974 --> 00:08:20,911
- How could you?
- Principal Dawkins,
271
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,715
I swear those photos
aren't real.
272
00:08:22,782 --> 00:08:24,418
Bennigan, please.
Tell the truth.
273
00:08:24,485 --> 00:08:26,623
- Of course. The truth is...
274
00:08:26,690 --> 00:08:27,859
SATAN VOICING BENNIGAN:
That I nailed Ms. Rainy
275
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,196
in ways that would make God cry.
276
00:08:30,263 --> 00:08:31,399
[students exclaiming]
277
00:08:31,465 --> 00:08:32,869
- [gasps] Oh, God.
278
00:08:32,935 --> 00:08:34,171
Please, no! Please, no!
STUDENT: That is so messed up.
279
00:08:34,238 --> 00:08:35,708
- She was my favorite teacher,
and now she's a perv.
280
00:08:35,775 --> 00:08:36,676
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
I don't get it.
281
00:08:36,743 --> 00:08:37,979
Why aren't people
worshipping you?
282
00:08:38,046 --> 00:08:40,551
- You told people
that I slept with a teacher.
283
00:08:40,618 --> 00:08:42,120
- That's cool.
- That's not cool!
284
00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:43,489
It's a heinous crime!
285
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:44,526
Poor Miss Rainy.
286
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:45,494
What are they gonna do to her?
287
00:08:45,561 --> 00:08:46,462
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
288
00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:47,932
All press is good press.
289
00:08:47,999 --> 00:08:50,070
As long as people are talking.
290
00:08:50,136 --> 00:08:52,942
- [keys clacking]
- "Slimm Timm."
291
00:08:53,009 --> 00:08:54,311
[upbeat dance music playing]
292
00:08:54,378 --> 00:08:56,115
KAMERICKLE SPURKLES:
W-w-w-w-w-wowy kazowee,
293
00:08:56,182 --> 00:08:57,217
shizbags!
294
00:08:57,284 --> 00:08:58,252
Aye! Aye!
295
00:08:58,319 --> 00:08:59,254
Kamerickle Spurkles
296
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:00,256
with all the latest tea
297
00:09:00,323 --> 00:09:02,194
on the cray and creepy.
298
00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:04,666
Hold onto yer tables
and piss on this!
299
00:09:04,733 --> 00:09:06,001
Slimm Timm.
300
00:09:06,068 --> 00:09:08,272
Teens across the world
posted stories
301
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,644
of a slender man
who roams the globe
302
00:09:10,711 --> 00:09:14,017
in search of young hearts
to devour.
303
00:09:14,084 --> 00:09:15,120
- How the hell
don't I know this freak?
304
00:09:15,186 --> 00:09:16,489
It's my whole thing.
305
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,558
KAMERICKLE SPURKLES:
The more you believe in him,
306
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,395
the more real he becomes.
307
00:09:19,461 --> 00:09:21,365
- A tulpa. Fuck. Of course.
308
00:09:21,432 --> 00:09:22,702
KAMERICKLE SPURKLES:
Acolytes will often offer him
309
00:09:22,769 --> 00:09:24,204
their weakest member in exchange
310
00:09:24,271 --> 00:09:26,710
for his eternal love
and admiration.
311
00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:28,045
Don't forget to smash Subscribe
312
00:09:28,112 --> 00:09:30,316
for more sick vids
and dank memes.
313
00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:32,688
- Those bitches
are gonna sacrifice Chrissy.
314
00:09:32,755 --> 00:09:34,024
Hey, you, where in this school
315
00:09:34,091 --> 00:09:35,561
do kids go to do dark shit, huh?
316
00:09:35,628 --> 00:09:36,730
Tell me now. Come on.
317
00:09:36,797 --> 00:09:38,299
- That depends
who you're referring to.
318
00:09:38,366 --> 00:09:40,704
Manga girls read guro
under the bleachers.
319
00:09:40,771 --> 00:09:43,009
Then you got the art kids,
total smackheads.
320
00:09:43,075 --> 00:09:44,846
- Okay, okay. Well,
what about the popular girls?
321
00:09:44,913 --> 00:09:46,015
- Always something new
with them.
322
00:09:46,081 --> 00:09:47,552
Just look at their ShitSta page.
323
00:09:47,618 --> 00:09:49,154
They'll post
all their dark shit there.
324
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:50,323
- The fuck is...[scoffs]
325
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,194
Look, if that's some
social media bullshit,
326
00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:53,630
there's no way
Chrissy has one of those.
327
00:09:53,697 --> 00:09:54,632
- Chrissy Feinberg?
328
00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:55,935
Uh, yes, she does.
329
00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:58,072
Her page is growing in numbers
as we speak.
330
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,343
Climbing to the top ten
student body influencers
331
00:10:00,410 --> 00:10:01,746
in just under three days, and...
332
00:10:01,813 --> 00:10:04,719
- Save it for your podcast,
loser, and show me.
333
00:10:04,786 --> 00:10:05,721
She likes free jazz?
334
00:10:05,788 --> 00:10:07,257
Since when?
335
00:10:07,324 --> 00:10:09,729
- Hey, guys, sorry
I haven't posted in forever.
336
00:10:09,796 --> 00:10:11,833
Laura's been sucking the life
out of me.
337
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,770
Can't wait to get
out of the hag's prison
338
00:10:13,837 --> 00:10:16,308
and into my happy place,
hangin' with my girlies.
339
00:10:16,375 --> 00:10:18,045
- [grumbles]
340
00:10:19,281 --> 00:10:20,350
Hey, where is this?
341
00:10:20,416 --> 00:10:21,553
-The old boiler room.
342
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:22,955
It's the tragic and haunted site
343
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:24,291
where they take kids
to get bullied.
344
00:10:24,358 --> 00:10:26,162
Nearly 40 years ago,
they went too far...
345
00:10:26,228 --> 00:10:28,667
- Oh, my God, I'm gonna turn
your ribcage into a lampshade.
346
00:10:28,734 --> 00:10:30,805
Shut up and tell me
where the fuck it is.
347
00:10:30,871 --> 00:10:32,675
BENNIGAN:
Look, I want to get popular
348
00:10:32,742 --> 00:10:34,011
and talk some sense into Chrissy
349
00:10:34,077 --> 00:10:35,213
just as much as you do, sir...
350
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,215
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah.
351
00:10:36,282 --> 00:10:37,652
- But we can't hurt anyone.
- Deal?
352
00:10:37,718 --> 00:10:39,054
- This idea's harmless.
353
00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:40,423
See those cool kids over
there cutting class?
354
00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:41,560
BENNIGAN: Yeah.
SATAN IN ARMADILLO: We're gonna
355
00:10:41,626 --> 00:10:43,095
do one of those viral pranks
356
00:10:43,162 --> 00:10:45,668
that kids love to make you look
like a fuckin' stud.
357
00:10:45,734 --> 00:10:47,270
- Okay.
- And we're gonna do this by...
358
00:10:47,337 --> 00:10:49,776
- On my signal,
a team of Beast Guards
359
00:10:49,843 --> 00:10:51,780
are gonna beat the shit
out of that cool kid.
360
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:53,482
I mean, really decimate the guy.
361
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:56,255
Then I figure you jump out,
strip to your undies,
362
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,794
dive into a kiddie pool
of tapioca pudding,
363
00:10:58,861 --> 00:11:01,600
and you will yell "swag"
or "kazooie."
364
00:11:01,666 --> 00:11:02,668
- Wha... no!
365
00:11:02,735 --> 00:11:04,304
H-how is that a prank to you?
366
00:11:04,371 --> 00:11:06,342
Beating someone
within an inch of their life?
367
00:11:06,408 --> 00:11:07,645
- Holy shit, kid.
368
00:11:07,712 --> 00:11:09,181
You are fuckin' hopeless.
369
00:11:09,248 --> 00:11:12,254
First, it's, "Ew, sex
with teachers is a crime."
370
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,057
- It is.
- Now you're against pranks.
371
00:11:14,124 --> 00:11:17,197
- This isn't the '80s,
Mr. Satan, sir, okay?
372
00:11:17,264 --> 00:11:19,836
Why can't we just get popular
by being like a decent person?
373
00:11:19,903 --> 00:11:21,171
- All right,
you don't wanna listen to me?
374
00:11:21,238 --> 00:11:22,173
Try it. Be decent.
375
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,378
Let's watch you
crash and burn, dipshit.
376
00:11:24,444 --> 00:11:26,382
- Fine. Respectfully, I will.
377
00:11:27,552 --> 00:11:29,622
- What do you want?
- We're ditching class.
378
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,626
- Beat it.
- Hey, I've been there.
379
00:11:31,693 --> 00:11:33,630
Skipping class
is just a way to say,
380
00:11:33,697 --> 00:11:36,101
"Hey. I'm so, so scared,
381
00:11:36,168 --> 00:11:39,474
and in my life, this is
the one thing I can control."
382
00:11:39,542 --> 00:11:41,378
But Brian, hey.
383
00:11:41,445 --> 00:11:43,249
Look at me, bud. Look at me.
384
00:11:43,316 --> 00:11:45,721
You. Are. Valid.
385
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,257
[gentle music]
386
00:11:47,324 --> 00:11:48,660
- [sniffling]
387
00:11:48,727 --> 00:11:50,230
I'm so afraid of the future.
388
00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:52,735
Sometimes I feel invisible,
and this is the only way
389
00:11:52,802 --> 00:11:54,872
- I feel seen.
- Shh, shh, shh. I gotcha.
390
00:11:54,939 --> 00:11:57,845
Ol' Benny Boy Superstar's
gotcha.
391
00:11:57,912 --> 00:12:02,020
- You are the single
coolest kid I've ever met.
392
00:12:02,087 --> 00:12:03,122
Welcome, king.
[students cheering]
393
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,759
STUDENT 1: Yeah! No, he is cool.
394
00:12:04,826 --> 00:12:06,295
STUDENT 2:
Emotional maturity is the tits.
395
00:12:06,362 --> 00:12:09,401
- Holy shit.
- That worked? That worked!
396
00:12:09,468 --> 00:12:12,340
I never thought to just talk
to the popular people.
397
00:12:12,407 --> 00:12:14,946
- Big deal, "kazooie" would've
accomplished the same thing,
398
00:12:15,013 --> 00:12:16,348
but with more sex appeal.
399
00:12:16,415 --> 00:12:18,787
Now for phase two.
400
00:12:18,854 --> 00:12:20,658
You ever see someone
and think, man,
401
00:12:20,724 --> 00:12:22,595
that looks just like
the child version
402
00:12:22,662 --> 00:12:24,031
of somebody I used to nail?
403
00:12:24,097 --> 00:12:25,601
- I... I never thought that.
404
00:12:25,668 --> 00:12:28,573
[suspenseful music]
405
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:35,353
♪♪ ♪♪
406
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,990
ARABELLA:
Skelli-Trash Bride, hurry up
407
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,529
and sit your sacrificial ass
on that pentagram.
408
00:12:39,596 --> 00:12:41,031
- You got it...
- [chuckles] Bish.
409
00:12:41,098 --> 00:12:42,400
- You don't call her bish!
410
00:12:42,467 --> 00:12:44,606
- Sorry. Sage Dragomire.
411
00:12:44,672 --> 00:12:47,210
[eerie whispering]
412
00:12:47,277 --> 00:12:50,116
- I can't believe she chose
dungeons and dipshits over me.
413
00:12:50,183 --> 00:12:52,655
- And as your principal,
I am obligated to speak up
414
00:12:52,722 --> 00:12:54,492
about the latest trend
I'm seeing,
415
00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:56,128
worshipping the occult.
416
00:12:56,195 --> 00:12:57,965
You are not
"the daughters of the witches
417
00:12:58,032 --> 00:12:59,669
"they could not burn," all right?
418
00:12:59,736 --> 00:13:01,138
- You're 12.
- Whoo-ey. [Chuckles]
419
00:13:01,205 --> 00:13:03,543
Wow, popularity
really is a trip.
420
00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:04,946
[chuckles] So what's the plan?
421
00:13:05,013 --> 00:13:07,417
Do I pull Chrissy aside
and we do a heart-to-heart
422
00:13:07,484 --> 00:13:08,720
about how, popular or not,
423
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:10,056
- true friends will...
- No, no.
424
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,127
Get up on stage
and read this speech I wrote.
425
00:13:12,193 --> 00:13:14,197
- "Friends,
as the new popular kid,
426
00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:15,868
"I must warn you
about the scourge
427
00:13:15,934 --> 00:13:17,337
"that is Chrissy Feinberg.
428
00:13:17,404 --> 00:13:18,940
"Her impression
of Charles Barkley
429
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,678
is the most racist thing
I've ever seen"?
430
00:13:20,744 --> 00:13:21,880
Wait, wait, no.
431
00:13:21,946 --> 00:13:23,349
You want to cancel
your own daughter?
432
00:13:23,416 --> 00:13:24,184
- It's for her own good.
433
00:13:24,251 --> 00:13:25,486
- But what about being kind?
434
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,157
That's how we got cool
in the first place.
435
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,096
- I did opiates with Rasputin.
- Don't lecture me about "cool."
436
00:13:30,163 --> 00:13:31,933
Now get up there
and read the damn speech.
437
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,637
- She'll be a pariah.
- Good.
438
00:13:33,704 --> 00:13:36,408
All the more reason for her
to ditch the mortal bullshit
439
00:13:36,475 --> 00:13:39,214
- and make chaos reign with me.
- Wow.
440
00:13:39,281 --> 00:13:41,753
You're so insecure that she
has other people in her life
441
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,124
you'd rather
she be totally alone.
442
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,295
Which means I make you insecure
443
00:13:46,362 --> 00:13:47,965
because I have
a real connection with her,
444
00:13:48,032 --> 00:13:49,602
- and you don't.
- You little fuckin'...
445
00:13:49,669 --> 00:13:50,571
All right, all right. Look.
446
00:13:50,637 --> 00:13:51,873
I'm not gonna mince words here.
447
00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:53,209
Read the speech, or I'll murder
448
00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:54,411
- your whole family.
- [whimpers]
449
00:13:54,478 --> 00:13:55,881
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
Hey, everybody.
450
00:13:55,948 --> 00:13:58,152
The new cool kid Bennigan
should give a speech.
451
00:13:58,219 --> 00:14:00,056
[students cheering]
STUDENTS: Speech! Speech!
452
00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:02,327
- Oh, Slimm Timm, hear my plea.
453
00:14:02,394 --> 00:14:05,133
We call you forth
as witches three.
454
00:14:05,199 --> 00:14:07,203
With tainted blood,
we sacrifice,
455
00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:09,742
to hear your call
as cold as ice.
456
00:14:09,809 --> 00:14:11,880
Please accept this mortal coil,
457
00:14:11,946 --> 00:14:14,117
bone to dust, and soul to soil.
458
00:14:14,184 --> 00:14:17,925
Deus mar varicht.
Deus mar varicht.
459
00:14:17,992 --> 00:14:20,163
- Ugh!
- God, these girls are amateurs.
460
00:14:20,229 --> 00:14:22,133
ARABELLA: Deus mar varicht.
461
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,970
[mystical whooshing]
462
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:26,609
LAURA: Oh, shit, it's working.
463
00:14:26,676 --> 00:14:29,816
[dramatic music]
464
00:14:29,882 --> 00:14:32,988
CHRISSY: [screaming]
465
00:14:33,055 --> 00:14:35,193
[whooshing]
466
00:14:35,259 --> 00:14:37,965
SLIMM TIMM: Yippee-ki-yi-yay...
467
00:14:38,032 --> 00:14:41,405
Here I come.
Here comes Slimm Timm.
468
00:14:41,472 --> 00:14:43,442
Tumm Timmy Tumm.
469
00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:44,746
♪♪ ♪♪
470
00:14:44,812 --> 00:14:46,248
[eerie growling]
471
00:14:46,315 --> 00:14:49,354
- [growls]
- I can growl too, bitch.
472
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,559
♪♪ ♪♪
473
00:14:51,626 --> 00:14:52,795
[grunts]
474
00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:53,830
[blade slashes]
475
00:14:53,897 --> 00:14:55,601
SLIMM TIMM: [groans]
476
00:14:57,805 --> 00:14:59,742
[low humming]
477
00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:06,923
♪♪ ♪♪
478
00:15:17,277 --> 00:15:18,880
- Whoa! Hey.
- [gasps]
479
00:15:18,947 --> 00:15:20,049
- Hey, guys.
480
00:15:20,116 --> 00:15:21,986
Crazy seeing you all round here.
481
00:15:22,053 --> 00:15:23,757
Got lost
looking for the bathroom.
482
00:15:23,824 --> 00:15:24,992
Whazzup?
483
00:15:25,059 --> 00:15:27,030
- What the...
- Where is he, Chrissy?
484
00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:28,332
It didn't work.
485
00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:30,336
We rehearsed
your fake sacrifice all week.
486
00:15:30,403 --> 00:15:31,673
- Fake? ARABELLA: You said
487
00:15:31,739 --> 00:15:33,476
your Wiccan tools could help us
summon Slimm Timm
488
00:15:33,543 --> 00:15:35,146
so we could finally
hold him accountable
489
00:15:35,213 --> 00:15:37,016
for all those young girls
he preyed on.
490
00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:38,419
- I know, I'm sorry.
491
00:15:38,486 --> 00:15:39,989
I-I used my powers
to make me look half-dead.
492
00:15:40,056 --> 00:15:41,391
It should have lured him to me.
493
00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:43,897
- The only thing it lured
was that toxic new girl.
494
00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:45,099
What a waste.
495
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:47,771
See you never, Chrissy.
496
00:15:47,838 --> 00:15:48,940
- [sighing] Hey.
497
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:50,544
So Arabella ditched you, huh?
498
00:15:50,611 --> 00:15:52,213
I guess she really sucks.
[chuckles]
499
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,182
- Sorry, who are you?
500
00:15:53,249 --> 00:15:54,886
- Abigail, from earlier?
501
00:15:54,952 --> 00:15:56,623
- I just wanna be alone
right now.
502
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:57,925
And I'm the one that sucks.
503
00:15:57,992 --> 00:15:58,960
I screwed up.
504
00:15:59,027 --> 00:16:00,029
- That's not true.
505
00:16:00,096 --> 00:16:01,131
Plus, who cares what they think?
506
00:16:01,198 --> 00:16:03,335
I thought I raised you... I...
507
00:16:03,402 --> 00:16:06,208
I thought you'd be cooler
than trying to impress bullies.
508
00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:07,545
Maybe this sounds stupid,
509
00:16:07,611 --> 00:16:09,481
but I moved around so much
growing up
510
00:16:09,549 --> 00:16:11,953
that I never had girlfriends
my own age.
511
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:13,389
So I guess when they noticed me,
512
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:17,030
it felt like it might be my
only chance to have friends.
513
00:16:17,096 --> 00:16:18,700
See ya.
514
00:16:20,002 --> 00:16:21,004
- [sighs]
515
00:16:21,071 --> 00:16:23,710
I really am a fuckin' hag.
516
00:16:25,012 --> 00:16:26,883
Store-bought cloves? Come on.
517
00:16:26,950 --> 00:16:29,054
No one even bothers to forage
their own shit anymore.
518
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,356
Bunch of posers.
519
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,759
It's like, are we trying
to be real witches
520
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:32,828
or make a fucking pie?
521
00:16:32,895 --> 00:16:33,797
[eerie whooshing]
522
00:16:33,864 --> 00:16:34,932
Hmm?
523
00:16:34,999 --> 00:16:38,005
[eerie whispering]
524
00:16:38,072 --> 00:16:39,709
-Oh, fuck.
525
00:16:39,775 --> 00:16:41,546
Where the hell did he go?
526
00:16:41,613 --> 00:16:43,382
Fuck. Fuck. Chrissy!
527
00:16:46,890 --> 00:16:48,158
- Uh... what's up, guys?
528
00:16:48,225 --> 00:16:49,261
[cheers and applause]
STUDENT: We love you, Bennigan!
529
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:52,433
- Hmm. I... I just, uh...
- wanted to say...
530
00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:53,537
STAN IN ARMADILLO:
Stay on the script, you...
531
00:16:53,603 --> 00:16:54,639
- I... I...
532
00:16:54,705 --> 00:16:55,807
SATAN IN ARMADILLO:
Think about your mother.
533
00:16:55,874 --> 00:16:56,976
Think about your father.
534
00:16:57,043 --> 00:16:58,345
I'm gonna kill your family.
535
00:16:58,412 --> 00:16:59,815
- I can't do it.
- SATAN IN ARMADILLO: Ah!
536
00:16:59,882 --> 00:17:02,253
STUDENT: Can't do what?
BENNIGAN: I've had a crazy 48.
537
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,692
I used to think
I was a pretty good person,
538
00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:07,463
that I used to be someone
who cared about his friends.
539
00:17:07,531 --> 00:17:09,502
I was ready to throw
that all away.
540
00:17:09,569 --> 00:17:11,138
Well, I'm done being a pushover.
541
00:17:11,205 --> 00:17:13,042
I'm done lying.
542
00:17:13,108 --> 00:17:14,344
[crowd gasping]
543
00:17:14,411 --> 00:17:15,681
STUDENT 1: You just revealed
an armadillo.
544
00:17:15,747 --> 00:17:17,785
STUDENT 2: Yeah, that doesn't
mean anything to us.
545
00:17:17,851 --> 00:17:19,354
- I'm done taking orders
from you.
546
00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,191
I'd rather Chrissy blow me off
until the end of time
547
00:17:21,258 --> 00:17:22,460
than say those mean things.
548
00:17:22,528 --> 00:17:24,231
- Huh.
- What are you gonna do, twerp?
549
00:17:24,297 --> 00:17:26,268
You're still the same
nerdy bitch, Bennigan.
550
00:17:26,335 --> 00:17:27,638
- Oh, yeah? Well, you forgot
551
00:17:27,705 --> 00:17:29,575
the most important part
of being a nerd.
552
00:17:29,642 --> 00:17:30,544
- What's that?
553
00:17:30,611 --> 00:17:33,315
- Always carry
a writing utensil.
554
00:17:33,382 --> 00:17:34,317
SATAN IN ARMADILLO: [grunts]
555
00:17:34,384 --> 00:17:35,787
[squelching] [gurgling]
556
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:38,225
[crowd gasping]
STUDENT 3: Armadillo murderer!
557
00:17:38,292 --> 00:17:39,729
[crowd booing]
STUDENT 4: Not cool!
558
00:17:39,795 --> 00:17:40,731
- Wait, no, no, no.
559
00:17:40,797 --> 00:17:42,333
I can explain.
560
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,705
That Armadillo did
a Charles Barkley impression,
561
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,676
and it's the most racist thing
I've ever seen.
562
00:17:46,743 --> 00:17:48,178
STUDENT 5: Hell yeah!
STUDENT 6: Very cool!
563
00:17:48,245 --> 00:17:49,548
STUDENT 7: That's my Bennigan!
564
00:17:49,615 --> 00:17:50,951
CAMRY:
We should get Sasquatch next.
565
00:17:51,018 --> 00:17:52,788
I've never seen him wear pants.
566
00:17:52,855 --> 00:17:55,794
[unsettling music]
567
00:17:55,861 --> 00:17:57,163
♪♪ ♪♪
568
00:17:57,230 --> 00:17:58,533
[electricity crackling]
569
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,804
♪♪ ♪♪
570
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,142
[eerie breathing]
571
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:06,214
[sinister laughter]
572
00:18:06,281 --> 00:18:08,620
♪♪ ♪♪
573
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:10,256
- [screams, laughs] OMG!
574
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,526
I totally just screamed.
575
00:18:11,593 --> 00:18:12,561
It's Slimm Timm.
576
00:18:12,628 --> 00:18:13,930
CAMRY: I thought
it was Pete Davidson.
577
00:18:13,997 --> 00:18:16,536
SLIMM TIMM: [roaring]
578
00:18:16,603 --> 00:18:17,403
- Run!
579
00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:18,439
- Strong women don't avoid
580
00:18:18,506 --> 00:18:20,142
tough challenges, Skelli-Trash.
581
00:18:20,209 --> 00:18:21,345
- Get in formation, girls.
582
00:18:21,411 --> 00:18:23,583
It's time
to hold him accountable.
583
00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:26,455
- Whatever.
- Hey, Slimm Timm, over here!
584
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,858
- It's me you want.
- Slimm Timm?
585
00:18:27,925 --> 00:18:29,160
More like Dimm Timm.
586
00:18:29,227 --> 00:18:31,365
You're an ageless being
who exploits tweens.
587
00:18:31,431 --> 00:18:32,868
Literally grow up.
588
00:18:32,935 --> 00:18:34,337
ICAL: Piggybacking off that,
Slimm Timm,
589
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:36,074
have you ever heard
of toxic parasocial
590
00:18:36,141 --> 00:18:37,310
sexual power dynamics?
591
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:43,055
♪♪ ♪♪
592
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,692
- [grunts]
593
00:18:44,759 --> 00:18:46,194
[winces]
594
00:18:46,261 --> 00:18:49,267
SLIMM TIMM: Now you die.
595
00:18:49,334 --> 00:18:51,204
[roaring] ARABELLA: Enough talk.
596
00:18:51,271 --> 00:18:52,875
Time to take action.
597
00:18:52,941 --> 00:18:54,144
- Can someone please help?
598
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:55,814
- This is a contemplative
think piece
599
00:18:55,881 --> 00:18:56,983
for Vulture
600
00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:58,520
that not only enumerates
your crimes,
601
00:18:58,586 --> 00:19:01,224
but puts the media on trial
for their complicit...
602
00:19:01,291 --> 00:19:02,561
- Whoa, nice hit.
603
00:19:02,628 --> 00:19:04,130
If we somehow survive this,
604
00:19:04,197 --> 00:19:05,567
I'm gonna be a social pariah.
605
00:19:05,634 --> 00:19:08,038
- When I was your age,
I had the same fears.
606
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,207
But if you're true to yourself,
607
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:10,777
the right friends
will come along.
608
00:19:10,844 --> 00:19:12,213
- Wait, aren't we both 13?
609
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,883
- Uh, no. I'm 14.
610
00:19:13,950 --> 00:19:16,823
- I shall devour you all.
611
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:17,891
[roaring]
612
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,427
LAURA: Hey. No heavy petting.
613
00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:21,198
[grunts]
614
00:19:21,264 --> 00:19:24,705
- Mortal tools cannot kill
Slimm Timm.
615
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:26,642
- Wait.
- Y'all manifested him, right?
616
00:19:26,709 --> 00:19:28,847
It's like
that Stephen King miniseries.
617
00:19:28,913 --> 00:19:30,149
Just stop believing in him.
618
00:19:30,216 --> 00:19:31,151
I don't believe.
I don't believe.
619
00:19:31,218 --> 00:19:32,286
Ahh, I fucked up!
620
00:19:32,353 --> 00:19:33,422
- He's not Tinkerbell.
621
00:19:33,489 --> 00:19:34,725
The only way to destroy him...
622
00:19:34,792 --> 00:19:36,729
BOTH: Is with the tool
that summoned him.
623
00:19:36,796 --> 00:19:37,965
- Was about to say that.
624
00:19:38,032 --> 00:19:39,100
- Shit. Shit!
625
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:40,403
What the phrase? What was it?
626
00:19:40,469 --> 00:19:42,975
Um, "revi", or, uh, "rembi... ".
627
00:19:43,042 --> 00:19:46,783
- Reverterte.
- Reverterte unde venisti.
628
00:19:46,849 --> 00:19:49,622
SLIMM TIMM: [groaning]
629
00:19:52,326 --> 00:19:53,730
- [grunts]
630
00:19:59,942 --> 00:20:01,411
- That was fucking awesome.
631
00:20:01,478 --> 00:20:03,717
- Accountability
does not equal violence.
632
00:20:03,783 --> 00:20:04,919
- Not cool, Chrissy.
633
00:20:04,985 --> 00:20:07,190
- In some ways,
you're worse than Slimm Timm.
634
00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:08,325
- You're welcome.
635
00:20:08,392 --> 00:20:10,296
- You, uh... you okay?
636
00:20:10,362 --> 00:20:11,499
- I'm fine.
637
00:20:11,566 --> 00:20:13,135
Except I nearly got us both
killed
638
00:20:13,202 --> 00:20:14,972
so I could have somewhere
to sit at lunch.
639
00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:15,974
- You think that's bad?
640
00:20:16,041 --> 00:20:17,511
At Matt Levy's bar mitzvah,
641
00:20:17,578 --> 00:20:19,314
I once drank my own pee
on a dare.
642
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:21,017
[both laughing]
643
00:20:21,084 --> 00:20:23,623
- Hey, um, have you ever been
to Jake's Pizza?
644
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,126
They have the best breadsticks.
645
00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:26,496
We should, uh, go sometime.
646
00:20:26,562 --> 00:20:27,965
- Yeah, that would be...
647
00:20:28,031 --> 00:20:30,202
[watching beeping] Oh, shit.
648
00:20:30,269 --> 00:20:31,672
- Where are you going?
- I forgot!
649
00:20:31,739 --> 00:20:33,275
I'm, uh, babysitting tonight.
650
00:20:33,342 --> 00:20:34,979
And every night! I'm a teen mom!
651
00:20:35,045 --> 00:20:36,148
[laughs] Don't look for me.
652
00:20:36,214 --> 00:20:37,885
- Bye.
653
00:20:37,951 --> 00:20:39,855
Damn, she's fast.
654
00:20:39,922 --> 00:20:42,895
[soft music]
655
00:20:42,961 --> 00:20:44,765
♪♪ ♪♪
656
00:20:44,832 --> 00:20:47,136
[baby fussing]
657
00:20:47,203 --> 00:20:50,376
- Oh, wow, I feel like I've
been asleep for 6,000 years.
658
00:20:50,443 --> 00:20:52,313
I feel fucking great.
659
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:56,021
♪♪ ♪♪
660
00:20:56,087 --> 00:20:58,593
- Hey, Bennigan, way to hold
that racist accountable.
661
00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:01,164
- Bennigan, yo. Yeesh. You okay?
662
00:21:01,231 --> 00:21:03,368
- Yeah. Long story. You?
663
00:21:03,435 --> 00:21:04,872
- Yeah, same.
664
00:21:04,939 --> 00:21:08,580
- Hey, so, uh, normally
I wouldn't say anything,
665
00:21:08,646 --> 00:21:10,851
but you blew me off
all last week,
666
00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:12,654
and that wasn't cool.
667
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,894
- I'm sorry.
- I just got so caught up
668
00:21:15,961 --> 00:21:18,198
- in being popular and...
- No, I get it.
669
00:21:18,265 --> 00:21:19,568
You're trying so hard
to become popular
670
00:21:19,635 --> 00:21:20,704
that before you know it,
671
00:21:20,770 --> 00:21:21,873
you're slaughtering an armadillo
672
00:21:21,939 --> 00:21:23,610
in front of a group
of your peers.
673
00:21:23,676 --> 00:21:25,279
- Huh.
674
00:21:25,346 --> 00:21:26,616
I know we couldn't go earlier,
675
00:21:26,682 --> 00:21:29,387
so I managed to sneak
your favorite.
676
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:32,628
- The Macho Man Candy Savage
flavor?
677
00:21:32,694 --> 00:21:34,532
Ooh, yeah.
678
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,712
[crackling, whooshing]
679
00:21:43,015 --> 00:21:44,384
- [speaking language]
680
00:21:44,450 --> 00:21:46,589
- [groans]
- Bennigan wrecked my shit.
681
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:50,262
- What, so Chrissy could
ice me out of Armageddon?
682
00:21:50,329 --> 00:21:51,398
Pass.
683
00:21:51,464 --> 00:21:53,068
That weirdo cares more about her
684
00:21:53,135 --> 00:21:55,172
than I realized.
685
00:21:55,239 --> 00:21:57,811
That might be,
as the kids say...
686
00:21:57,878 --> 00:21:59,480
problematic.
687
00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:07,230
- [footsteps approaching]
- [slurping softly]
688
00:22:07,296 --> 00:22:08,600
[clanking]
689
00:22:11,839 --> 00:22:14,077
- Look, before you can say
anything, I'm sorry.
690
00:22:14,143 --> 00:22:16,582
You were right.
Those girls were just trouble.
691
00:22:16,649 --> 00:22:18,252
We could spend the weekend
692
00:22:18,318 --> 00:22:20,122
skinning that deer
like you wanted.
693
00:22:20,189 --> 00:22:22,293
- Eh, you should be
with your friends, you know?
694
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:23,530
Go see a movie with Bennigan
695
00:22:23,596 --> 00:22:25,600
or get breadsticks
from Jake's Pizza.
696
00:22:25,667 --> 00:22:27,671
- Does this mean
I'm not grounded?
697
00:22:27,738 --> 00:22:29,508
- Get out of here
before I change my mind.
698
00:22:29,575 --> 00:22:31,311
- Oh, my gosh. Thanks, Mom.
699
00:22:31,378 --> 00:22:33,315
I'll be back later.
700
00:22:33,382 --> 00:22:34,785
ERWIN: [grunts]
701
00:22:34,852 --> 00:22:36,622
At least we still have each o...
702
00:22:37,290 --> 00:22:38,358
Whatever.
703
00:22:38,425 --> 00:22:39,862
"Hey, Erwin, how was your whole
704
00:22:39,929 --> 00:22:42,601
heartwarming comeback saga
with your rec softball league?"
705
00:22:42,668 --> 00:22:44,404
"Good, thanks for asking."
706
00:22:44,470 --> 00:22:45,507
Dick.
707
00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:48,478
[upbeat rock music]
708
00:22:48,546 --> 00:22:55,660
♪♪ ♪♪
47661
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