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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:09,966 They just walked out of there. 2 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,644 Yeah, I know, I was sort of sitting next to you. 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,929 The whole Waters family, they just walked right out of there. 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,641 - Again, I was in the room. - How do they always manage that? 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,210 They're good. 6 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:21,691 They're greedy and they'll do it again. 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,922 And next time, we're going to catch them in the act. 8 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,047 How? 9 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,883 - No good? - They always know we're coming. 10 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,689 How do they always know? 11 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,161 They're good, they work at it. 12 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,083 - They're never going to stop. - Well, neither are we. 13 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,767 - Greg. - In the act! 14 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:17,645 The only way we're going to do this, in the act! 15 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,250 You still blocking it? 16 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,569 Yeah, very efficiently hacked. 17 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,561 They must be bloody pleased with themselves. 18 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,130 They must be. 19 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,926 Right, then. 20 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,126 Ah, no. 21 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,851 You go make the arrest. This one's yours, boss. 22 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,046 You've never called me boss before. 23 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,851 No? Well, look what happens when you're good. 24 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,287 You know how most days aren't good days? 25 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,527 - This is a good day. - Not for the Waters family. 26 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,245 Okay, 10 men on the roof. All exits covered. 27 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,129 The bank's closed so we've no hostages to worry about. 28 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,441 Sorry, no, go on, go on. 29 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,488 Um, we've got the tunnel entrance covered 30 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,369 and Davis, Well and Christie are heading up. 31 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,966 - Armed Response aren't mucking around. 32 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,451 Sorry, I'd better get this. 33 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,681 It's him, isn't it? 34 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,882 - I... I have to go. - What? 35 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,485 - You make the arrest. - No way. 36 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,483 Sorry, you'll be fine. I'm cool with this. 37 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,767 Jones will get all the credit if you leave now and you know he will. 38 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,129 Yeah, well... Yeah, it doesn't matter, I'll have to go. 39 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,208 Backup, I need maximum backup. 40 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,645 Baker Street, now. 41 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,691 What's going on? 42 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,410 - This is hard. - What? 43 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,801 Really hard. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. 44 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,568 Do you know any funny stories about John? 45 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:26,921 What? 46 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,730 I need anecdotes. 47 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,006 Didn't go to any trouble, did you? 48 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,208 - Shut up, Mrs Hudson. - I haven't said a word. 49 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,964 You're formulating a question 50 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,407 and it's physically painful watching you think. 51 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,209 I thought it was you playing. 52 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,009 It was me playing. 53 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,165 I am composing. 54 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,924 You were dancing. 55 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,921 - I was road-testing. - You what? 56 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,890 Why are you here? 57 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,201 I'm bringing you your morning tea. 58 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,611 You're not usually awake. 59 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:23,961 You bring me tea in the morning? 60 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:25,885 Where do you think it came from? 61 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,361 I don't know, I just thought it sort of happened. 62 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,044 Your mother has a lot to answer for. 63 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,600 Mmm, I know. I have a list. 64 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,804 Mycroft has a file. 65 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,368 So, it's the big day, then. 66 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,405 What big day? 67 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,925 The wedding. 68 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,604 John and Mary are getting married. 69 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,326 Two people who currently who live together are about to attend church, 70 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,004 have a party, go on a short holiday, 71 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,889 then carry on living together. What's big about that? 72 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,405 It changes people, marriage. 73 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,005 Mmm, no, it doesn't. 74 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,443 Well, you wouldn't understand 'cause you always live alone. 75 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,330 Your husband was executed for double murder, 76 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,164 you're hardly an advert for companionship. 77 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,646 Marriage changes you as a person in ways that you can't imagine. 78 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,085 As does lethal injection. 79 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,607 My best friend, Margaret, she was my chief bridesmaid, 80 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,489 we were going to be best friends forever, 81 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,050 we always said that. 82 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,724 But I hardly saw her after that. 83 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,006 Aren't there usually biscuits? 84 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,411 - I've run out. - Have the shops? 85 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,962 She cried the whole day, saying, "Ooh, it's the end of an era." 86 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,725 I'm sure the shop on the corner is open. 87 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,723 She was probably right, really. 88 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,689 I remember she left early. 89 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,808 I mean, who leaves a wedding early? 90 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:31,520 So sad. 91 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,523 Mmm. Anyway, you've got things to do. 92 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,042 No, not really. I've got plenty of time... 93 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,406 - Biscuits! 94 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,211 I really am going to have a word with your mother. 95 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:42,442 You can if you like, she understands very little. 96 00:06:58,840 --> 00:06:59,966 Right, then. 97 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,731 Into battle. 98 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,885 Congratulations! 99 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,042 Okay, hold it there, I want to get this shot 100 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,565 of the newlyweds. 101 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,641 Ah, just the bride and groom, please. 102 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,245 - Sherlock. - Oh, sorry. 103 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,047 Okay. Three, two, one. 104 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,326 - Cheese. 105 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,842 The famous Mr Holmes. 106 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,888 I'm very pleased to meet you. 107 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,208 - But no sex, okay? - Sorry? 108 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,250 You don't have to look so scared. 109 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,560 I'm only messing. 110 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,484 Bridesmaid, best man, it's a bit traditional. 111 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,526 Is it? 112 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:54,840 But not obligatory. 113 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,121 If that's the sort of thing you're looking for, 114 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,725 the man over there in blue is your best bet. 115 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,485 Recently divorced doctor with a ginger cat, 116 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:04,281 a barn conversion and a history of erectile dysfunction. 117 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,442 Reviewing that information, possibly not your best bet. 118 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:07,761 Yeah, maybe not. 119 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,002 Sorry, there was one more deduction there than I was expecting. 120 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:14,005 Mr Holmes, you're going to be incredibly useful. 121 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,041 Hello, lovely to meet you. 122 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,606 - How are you? - Beautiful, Mary. 123 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:26,681 Thank you. 124 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,600 David. 125 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,007 Mary. Congratulations. 126 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,526 - You look, um, very nice. - Thanks. 127 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,443 John, congratulations. You're a lucky man. 128 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,567 Thank you. 129 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,085 Um, David, this is Sherlock. 130 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,482 - Mmm. - Um, yeah, we've, um... 131 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,485 We've met. 132 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:51,246 So what exactly are my duties as an usher? 133 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,729 Let's talk about Mary first. 134 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,249 - Sorry, what? - Oh, I think you know what. 135 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,687 You went out with her for two years. 136 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,286 Ages ago. We're just good friends now. 137 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,771 Is that a fact? 138 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,161 Whenever she tweets, you respond within five minutes, 139 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,571 regardless of time or current location, 140 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,210 suggesting you have her on text alert. 141 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,770 In all your Facebook photographs of the happy couple, 142 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:11,841 Mary takes centre frame, 143 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,082 whereas John is always partly or entirely excluded. 144 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,049 Wait, you can't assume from that 145 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,646 that I've still got some kind of interest in Mary? 146 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,051 You've volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on 147 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,485 on no less than three separate occasions. 148 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,164 Do you have anything to say in your defence? 149 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,321 I think from now on we'll downgrade you to casual acquaintance, 150 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,244 no more than three planned social encounters a year 151 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,481 and always in John's presence. 152 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,651 I have your contact details. I will be monitoring. 153 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:40,280 They're right about you. You're a bloody psychopath. 154 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,483 High-functioning sociopath. 155 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,210 With your number. 156 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,446 Hello. 157 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,249 Thanks for coming, thank you. 158 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:05,321 Oh. 159 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,890 Yes, um, well done in the service, Archie. 160 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,167 He's really come out of his shell. I don't know how you did it. 161 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:12,765 Um... 162 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,689 Basically, it's a cute smile to the bride's side, 163 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,330 cute smile to the groom's side and then the rings. 164 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,243 - No. - And you have to wear the outfit. 165 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,129 - No. - You really do have to wear the outfit. 166 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,770 - What for? - Grownups like that sort of thing. 167 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,006 Why? 168 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,686 I don't know. I'll ask one. 169 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,002 You're a detective? 170 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:34,321 Yep. 171 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,243 - Have you solved any murders? - Sure, loads. 172 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:37,887 Can I see? 173 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,170 Yeah, all right. 174 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,610 What's all that stuff in his eye? 175 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:50,681 Maggots. 176 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,127 - Cool. - Hmm. 177 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,326 He said you had some pictures for him as a treat. 178 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,607 Er, yes, if he's good. 179 00:11:58,680 --> 00:11:59,727 Beheadings. 180 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:00,801 Lovely little village. 181 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,883 Hmm? What did you say? 182 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:09,281 Hold it. 183 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:12,761 Nice. 184 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,448 - Vol-au-vent? - I'm starving. 185 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,726 - Thanks. - I had to lose so much weight 186 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,882 - to get into this dress. 187 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,602 Mmm. He's nice. 188 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,329 Traces of two leading brands of deodorant, 189 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,526 both advertised for their strength. 190 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,011 Suggestive of a chronic body odour problem 191 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,161 manifesting under stress. 192 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,641 Okay, done there. What about his friend? 193 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,169 Long-term relationship. Compulsive cheat. 194 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,163 - Seriously? - Waterproof cover on the smartphone. 195 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,528 Yet his complexion doesn't indicate outdoor work. 196 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,846 Suggests he's in the habit of taking his phone into the shower with him, 197 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,446 which means he often receives texts and emails he'd rather went unseen. 198 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,204 - Can I keep you? - Do you like solving crimes? 199 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,327 Do you have a vacancy? 200 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,609 - So, Harry? - Uh, no, no show. 201 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,001 Darling, I'm so sorry. 202 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,811 Yeah, it was a bit of a punt asking, I suppose. 203 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,531 Still, free bar, wouldn't have been a good mix. 204 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,644 Oh. God, wow. 205 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,925 - Is that... - He came. 206 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,120 So that's him. 207 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,362 - Major Sholto. - Uh-huh. 208 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,807 If they're such good friends, why does he barely even mention him? 209 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,008 He mentions him all the time to me. Never shuts up about him. 210 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,321 - About him? - Mmm-hmm. 211 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,931 Ugh, I chose this wine. It's bloody awful. 212 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,525 Yes, but it's definitely him that he talks about? 213 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,886 Mmm-hmm. 214 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:42,009 I'm very, very glad to see you, sir. 215 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,885 I know you don't really do this sort of thing. 216 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,531 Well, I do for old friends, Watson. 217 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,204 John. 218 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,930 - It's good to see you. - You, too. 219 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:56,890 Civilian life suiting you, then? 220 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,281 Er, yes, well, I think so, sir. 221 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,646 No more need for the trick cyclist? 222 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,929 No, I go now and then. Sort of a top-up. 223 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,202 Therapy can be very helpful. 224 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,525 Where are you living these days? 225 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,921 Oh, way out in the middle of nowhere. You wouldn't know it. 226 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,328 - You look well. - I've never even heard him say his name. 227 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,004 Well, he's almost a recluse. 228 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,161 - You know, since... - Yes. 229 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,610 I didn't think he'd show up at all. 230 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,728 John says he's the most unsociable man he's ever met. 231 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,928 - He is? He's the most unsociable? - Mmm. 232 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,890 Ah, that's why he's bouncing around him like a puppy. 233 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,165 Oh, Sherlock. 234 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,281 Neither of us were the first, you know. 235 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,567 - Stop smiling. - It's my wedding day. 236 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:13,686 Yes. What? 237 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,281 - Sherlock. - Why are you out of breath? 238 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,081 Filing. 239 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,400 Either I've caught you in a compromising position 240 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,926 or you've been working out again. Favour the latter. 241 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,208 - What do you want? - I need your answer, Mycroft, 242 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,486 as a matter of urgency. 243 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,643 - Answer? - Even at the eleventh hour 244 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,404 it's not too late to know. 245 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,686 Oh, Lord. 246 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,330 Cars can be ordered, 247 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,845 private jets commandeered. 248 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,241 Today. It's today, isn't it? 249 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,884 No, Sherlock, I will not be coming 250 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,611 to the "night do", as you so poetically put it. 251 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,405 What a shame. 252 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,961 Mary and John will be extremely... 253 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,520 Delighted not to have me hanging around. 254 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,011 Oh, I don't know. 255 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,162 There should always be a spectre at the feast. 256 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,250 So, this is it, then? The big day. 257 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,448 I suppose I'll be seeing a lot more of you from now on. 258 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,122 - What do you mean? - It'll be just like old times. 259 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,440 No, I don't understand. 260 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,443 Well, it's the end of an era, isn't it? 261 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,650 John and Mary. Domestic bliss. 262 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,929 No, no, no. I prefer to think of it as the beginning of a new chapter. 263 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:15,761 - What? - Nothing. 264 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,444 I know that silence. What? 265 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,204 Well, I'd better let you get back to it. 266 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,601 You have a big speech or something, don't you? 267 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,962 - What? Fakes. Karaoke. 268 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:25,886 'Mingling, 'MS/croft! 269 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,721 This is what people do, Sherlock. They get married. I warned you. 270 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,290 Don't get involved. 271 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,566 Involved? I'm not involved. 272 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,608 - No. - John asked me to be his best man. 273 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,011 - How could I say no? - Absolutely. 274 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,525 - I'm not involved. - I believe you. 275 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,011 Really, I do. 276 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,880 Have a lovely day and do give the happy couple my best. 277 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,161 I will. 278 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,721 Oh, by the way, Sherlock. 279 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,400 Do you remember Redbeard? 280 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,122 I'm not a child any more, Mycroft. 281 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,964 No, of course you're not. 282 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,448 Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock. 283 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,609 Pray silence for the best man. 284 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,204 Ladies and gentlemen, 285 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,244 family and friends. 286 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,283 And, um... 287 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,646 others. 288 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,843 - Uh... 289 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,530 Also... 290 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,001 - Greg. - Molly. 291 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,286 I just had a thought. 292 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,407 Is that a brain? 293 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,404 What if John asks Sherlock to be his best man? 294 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,448 - Well, he will. He's bound to. - Exactly. 295 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,091 - So? - So, he'll have to make a speech 296 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,161 in front of people. 297 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,002 There will be actual people there actually listening. 298 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,650 Well, what's the worst that could happen? 299 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,442 Helen Louise probably wondered the same. 300 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:20,921 Helen Louise? 301 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,161 Oh, hello, dear. 302 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,891 I was just thinking, if John does ask Sherlock... 303 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,804 What, the speech, clear? I know. It'll be fine. 304 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,801 It's not just the speech, though, is it? 305 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:47,881 Mrs Hudson? 306 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,486 - Oh, no, darling. - You all right? 307 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,244 I was going to see Sherlock and I thought you were... 308 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,402 - No. - ...possibly dying. 309 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:55,766 I'm sorry. 310 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,846 What's wrong? 311 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,811 The telegrams. 312 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,721 - Sorry, what? - Oh, sorry. 313 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,240 The telegrams. 314 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,291 Right, um... 315 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,089 --Mmm. 316 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,530 First things first. 317 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,601 Telegrams. 318 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:19,841 Well, they're not actually telegrams. 319 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,604 We just call them telegrams, I don't know why. 320 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,727 Wedding tradition. 321 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,091 Because we don't have enough of that already, apparently. 322 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:27,961 "To Mr and Mrs Watson. 323 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,441 "So sorry I'm unable to be with you on your special day. 324 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,409 "Good luck and best wishes, Mike Stanford." 325 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,641 - Ah, Mike. - Aw. 326 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,051 "To John and Mary. 327 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,851 "All good wishes for your special clay. With love and many big... 328 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,122 "big squishy cuddles from Stella and Ted." 329 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,886 - "Mary, lots of love..." Oh! 330 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,410 - Yeah? - "...poppet." 331 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,807 "Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from Cam. 332 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,328 "Wish your family could have seen this." 333 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,243 - Hey, hmm? - Yep. 334 00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,651 Um... "Special day." 335 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:04,490 "Very special day." "Love." "Love." "Love." "Love." 336 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,050 "Love." Bit of a theme, you get the general gist. 337 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,406 People are basically fond. 338 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,445 John Watson. 339 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,769 My friend, John Watson. 340 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,446 John. 341 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,608 When John first broached the subject of being best man, I was confused. 342 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,241 - Sherlock? - What was that noise downstairs? 343 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,810 Ah, it was Mrs Hudson laughing. 344 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,848 It sounds like she was torturing an owl. 345 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,649 Yeah, well it was laughter. 346 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,246 Could have been both. 347 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,807 - Busy? - Just occupying myself. 348 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,565 Sometimes it's so hard not smoking. 349 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,850 Mind if I interrupt? 350 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,241 Oh, be my guest. 351 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,328 - Tea? - Ah... 352 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,720 So. 353 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,011 - The big question. - Mmm-hmm? 354 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,206 The best man. 355 00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,249 - The best man? - What do you think? 356 00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,401 Billy Kincaid. 357 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,049 - Sorry, what? - Billy Kincaid, the Camden Garrotter. 358 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,121 Best man I ever knew. 359 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,884 Vast contributions to charity never disclosed. 360 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,406 Personally managed to save three hospitals from closure, 361 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,051 and ran the best and safest children's homes in North England. 362 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,728 Yes, every now and again there would be some garrottings, 363 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,326 but stacking up the lives saved against the garrottings, 364 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,811 - on balance I'd say... - For my wedding. 365 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,125 For me. I need a best man. 366 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,201 Oh, right. 367 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,248 - Maybe not a garrotter. - Gavin? 368 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,049 - Who? - Gavin Lestrade. 369 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:27,168 He's a man and good at it. 370 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,651 It's Greg. 371 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,165 And he's not my best friend. 372 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,290 Oh, Mike Stanford, I see. 373 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:33,930 Well, he's nice, um... 374 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,047 Though I'm not sure how well he'd cope with... 375 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,771 No, Mike's great, but he's not my best friend. 376 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,648 Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest and most important day of my life. 377 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,768 - Well... - No, it is. It is. 378 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,646 And I want to be up there with the two people 379 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,041 that I love and care about 380 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:52,770 - most in the world. - Yes. 381 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,804 - Mary Morstan... - Yes. 382 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:01,607 ...and... 383 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,810 You. 384 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,164 I confess at first I didn't realise he was asking me. 385 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,890 When finally I understood, 386 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:16,009 I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised. 387 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,968 I explained to him that I had never expected this request 388 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,849 and I was a little daunted in the face of it. 389 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,366 Sherlock? 390 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,486 I nonetheless promised that I would do my very best to accomplish a task 391 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,403 which was, for me, as demanding and difficult 392 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,925 as any I had ever contemplated. 393 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,128 Additionally, I thanked him for the trust he placed in me 394 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,965 and indicated that I was, in some ways, 395 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,611 very close to being moved by it. 396 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,050 No, it's getting a bit scary now. 397 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,646 It later transpired that I'd said none of this out aloud. 398 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,011 So, in fact... 399 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,404 - You-you mean... - Yes. 400 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,884 I'm your... best... 401 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,246 - Man. - ...friend? 402 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,841 Yeah, of course you are. 403 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,605 Course you're my best friend. 404 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:30,847 Well, how was that? 405 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,404 Surprisingly Okay- 406 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,166 So you'll have to make a speech, of course. 407 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,487 So... 408 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,491 Done that. Done that. 409 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,411 Done that bit. Done that bit. 410 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:52,841 Done that bit. 411 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,483 I'm afraid, John, I can't congratulate you. 412 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:00,690 All emotions, and in particular love, 413 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,730 stand opposed to the pure cold reason I hold above all things. 414 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,082 A wedding is, in my considered opinion, 415 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,721 nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious 416 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,723 and irrational and sentimental 417 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,007 in this ailing and morally compromised world. 418 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:17,368 Today we honour the deathwatch beetle that is the doom of our society 419 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:21,490 and in time, one feels certain, our entire species. 420 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,922 But anyway, let's talk about John. 421 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,570 Please. 422 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,291 If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures, 423 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,249 it is not out of sentiment or caprice, 424 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,561 it is that he has many fine qualities of his own 425 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,847 that he has overlooked in his obsession with me. 426 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,685 Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness 427 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,047 comes in truth from the extraordinary contrast 428 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:47,804 John so selflessly provides. 429 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,530 It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour 430 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,921 exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. 431 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,082 There is a certain analogy there, I feel. 432 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,605 And contrast is, after all, 433 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,081 God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. 434 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,845 Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy 435 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,651 designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot. 436 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,451 The point I'm trying to make is that I am 437 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:14,324 the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant 438 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,210 and all-round obnoxious arsehole 439 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,363 that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. 440 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,201 I am dismissive of the virtuous, 441 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,567 unaware of the beautiful, 442 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,086 and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. 443 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,082 So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, 444 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,050 it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend. 445 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,967 And certainly not the best friend 446 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,283 of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being 447 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,931 I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. 448 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,326 Aw. 449 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,687 John, I am a ridiculous man. 450 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,808 Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. 451 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,291 But as I am, apparently, your best friend, 452 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,603 I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. 453 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:00,851 Actually, now I can. 454 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,365 Mary, when I say you deserve this man, 455 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,810 it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. 456 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,842 John, you have endured war 457 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:13,920 and injury 458 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,166 and tragic loss. 459 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,324 So sorry again about that last one. 460 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,127 So know this. Today you sit between 461 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:25,166 the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. 462 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,888 In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. 463 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,207 And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down 464 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,487 and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that. 465 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,846 - If I try and hug him, stop me. - Certainly not. 466 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,731 Ah, yes. Now onto some funny stories about John. 467 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,130 What's wrong? What happened? Why are you all doing that? 468 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,326 John? 469 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,366 Oh, Sherlock. 470 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:56,881 Did I do it wrong? 471 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,644 No, you didn't. Come here. 472 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,001 - I haven't finished yet. - Yeah, I know. I know. 473 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,970 - So onto some funny stories... - Can you wait till I sit down? 474 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,321 So onto some funny stories about John. 475 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,366 If you could all just cheer up a bit, that would... 476 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,442 --...be better. 477 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:24,321 On we go. 478 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,485 So for funny stories, one has to look no further than John's blog. 479 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,564 The record of our time together. 480 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,087 Of course, he does tend to romanticise things a bit but then, you know, 481 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,161 he's a romantic. 482 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,484 We've tackled some strange cases. 483 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:40,686 The Hollow Client. 484 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,321 The Poisoned Giant. 485 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:54,801 Get down, John! 486 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:02,726 We've had some frustrating cases. 487 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:09,885 What is that? 488 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,121 A French decathlete found completely out of his mind 489 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,489 surrounded by 1,812 matchboxes, all empty, except this one. 490 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,842 And what's in that one? 491 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,330 The inexplicable. 492 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:28,325 Touching cases. 493 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:31,888 She's going to ring the doorbell. 494 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,403 Oh, no, she's changed her mind. 495 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,926 No, she's going to do it. No, she's leaving. 496 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,208 - She's leaving. - Oh, she's coming back. 497 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:45,250 She's a client, she's boring. I've seen those symptoms before. 498 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:46,401 Hmm? 499 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,041 Oscillation on the pavement always means there's a love affair. 500 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,361 And of course, I have to mention The Elephant in the Room. 501 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:02,527 But we want something very particular for this special day, don't we? 502 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,250 The Bloody Guardsman. 503 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,524 Need to work on your half of the church, Mary. 504 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,408 - Looking a bit thin. - Oh. 505 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:14,481 Orphan's lot. 506 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,528 Friends, that's all I have. Lots of friends. 507 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,080 Schedule the organ music to begin at precisely 11:48." 508 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,288 But the rehearsal's not for another two weeks. Just calm down. 509 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,203 Calm? I am calm, I'm extremely calm. 510 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,442 Let's get back to the reception. Come on. 511 00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,090 John's cousin, top table? 512 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,128 Hmm, hates you. Can't even bear to think about you. 513 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,929 - Seriously? - Second-class post. 514 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:33,526 Cheap card. 515 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:34,965 Bought at a petrol station. Look at the stamp. 516 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,041 Three attempts at licking. 517 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,361 She's obviously unconsciously retaining saliva. 518 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:39,965 Aw, let's stick her by the bogs. 519 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:41,769 - Oh, yes. 520 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:44,321 Who else hates me? 521 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:48,446 Oh, great. Thanks. 522 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,649 "Priceless painting nicked." Looks interesting. 523 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:52,721 - Table four? - Done. 524 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:54,564 "My husband is three people." 525 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,041 - Table five? - Major James Sholto. Who he? 526 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,691 Oh, John's old commanding officer. I don't think he's coming. 527 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,762 - He'll be there. - Well, he needs to RSVP, then. 528 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:02,841 He'll be there. 529 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,367 "My husband is three people." It's interesting. 530 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,125 Says he has three distinct patterns of moles on his skin. 531 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:10,845 Identical triplets. One in half a million births. 532 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:11,967 Solved it without leaving the flat. 533 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:13,087 Now, serviettes. 534 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:15,646 Swan or Sydney Opera House? 535 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:16,767 Where did you learn to do that? 536 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,207 Many unexpected skills required in the field of criminal investigation. 537 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,089 - Fibbing, Sherlock. - I once broke an alibi 538 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,162 by demonstrating the exact severity of... 539 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:24,366 I'm not John. I can tell when you're fibbing. 540 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,885 Okay. I learnt it on YouTube. 541 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,531 Opera House, please. Oh, hang on. I'm buzzing. 542 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:30,766 Hello? 543 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,051 Oh, hi, Beth. 544 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,361 Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not. 545 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,281 Actually, if that's Beth, it's probably for me, too. Hang on. 546 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,045 He knows we don't have a friend called Beth. 547 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:48,406 He's going to figure out that it's code. 548 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,005 - He's YouTubing serviettes. - He's thorough. 549 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,366 - He's terrified. - Of course he's not. 550 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:52,885 Right, you know when you're scared of something, 551 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,928 you start wishing it sooner just to get it all going? 552 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,047 That's what he's doing. 553 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,487 Why would he be scared that we're getting married? 554 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,449 It's not going to change anything. We'll still do stuff. 555 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,807 We need to prove it to him. I told you to find him a new case. 556 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,644 - I'm trying. - You need to run him, okay? 557 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,961 Show him it's still the good old days. 558 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,448 That just sort of happened. 559 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:22,650 Sherlock, um... 560 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,246 mate. 561 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:27,607 I've... 562 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,290 I've smelled 18 different perfumes. 563 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:33,731 I've sampled 564 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:38,006 nine different slices of cake, which all tasted identical. 565 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:39,844 I like the bridesmaids in purple. 566 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,365 - Lilac. - Lilac. 567 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,963 Um, there are no more decisions left to make. 568 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,089 I don't even understand the decisions that we have made. 569 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,208 I'm faking opinions and it's exhausting. 570 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,362 So please, before she comes back... 571 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:54,967 ...pick something. 572 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,727 - Anything, pick one. - Pick what? 573 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,006 A case. 574 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,328 Your inbox is bursting. Just... 575 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,127 get me out of here. 576 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,441 You want to go out on a case? Now? 577 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:08,726 Please. 578 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,241 Sherlock, for me. 579 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:13,964 Don't you worry about anything. I'll get you out of this. 580 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:16,807 Oh. 581 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,690 Dear, Mr Holmes, my name is Bainbridge. 582 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,445 I'm a private in Her Majesty's Household Guard. 583 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,170 I'm writing to you about a personal matter, 584 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,686 one I don't care to bring before my superiors, 585 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,444 it would sound so trivial. 586 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,044 But I think someone 3 stalking me. 587 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,881 I'm used to tourists, it's part of the job. 588 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,724 But this is different. 589 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:37,847 Someone 3 watching me. 590 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,721 He's taking pictures of me every day. 591 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:45,561 I don't want to mention it to the manager 592 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,802 but if? really praying on my mind. 593 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,125 Uniform fetishist. All the nice girls like a soldier. 594 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:56,565 It's sailor. 595 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,325 And Bainbridge thinks his stalker is a bloke. 596 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:00,640 Let's go and investigate. 597 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,480 - Please? - Elite guard. 598 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:03,891 Forty enlisted men and officers. 599 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,327 Why this particular grenadier? Curious. 600 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,289 - Now you're talking. - Okay. 601 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:09,885 --Bye. 602 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:10,961 Uh, we're just going to... 603 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:14,089 I need, um, Sherlock to help me choose some... 604 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:15,971 - Tie. - ...socks. 605 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:17,605 - Why don't we go with socks? - Yeah. 606 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:18,681 I mean, you've got to get the right ones. 607 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,171 Exactly. To go with my... 608 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,401 - Tie. - ...outfit. 609 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,528 Well, it'll take a while, right? 610 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,643 - My coat in there? - Yes. 611 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,524 Just going to take him out for a bit. 612 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:30,965 - Run him. - I know. 613 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,087 You said you'd find him a case. 614 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:34,245 - Coming, Sherlock? - Coming. 615 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:43,726 Taxi! 616 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,688 Company, halt! 617 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:07,402 Right turn! 618 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,329 We're here to see Private Steven Bainbridge. 619 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,368 He's on duty right now, sir. 620 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:13,680 I'll certainly let him know when he's free. 621 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:15,721 And when will that be? 622 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:17,607 Another hour. 623 00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:33,688 You think they give them classes? 624 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:34,761 Classes? 625 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,004 How to resist the temptation to scratch their behinds. 626 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,410 Afferent neurons in the peripheral nervous system. 627 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,125 - Bum itch. - Oh. 628 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,761 So why don't you see him any more? 629 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,525 - Who? - Your previous commander, Sholto. 630 00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:57,888 - Previous commander? - I meant ex. 631 00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,250 "Previous" suggests that I currently have a commander. 632 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:01,731 - Which you don't. - Which I don't. 633 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,165 Of course you don't. 634 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:05,370 He was decorated, wasn't he? 635 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,568 - A war hero. - Not to everyone. 636 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,603 He led a team of crows into battle. 637 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,444 - Crows? - New recruits. 638 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,602 It's standard procedure, break the new boys in, 639 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,364 but it went wrong. 640 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,766 They all died. He was the only survivor. 641 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:21,251 The press and the families gave him hell. 642 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,401 He gets more death threats than you. 643 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,125 Oh, I wouldn't count on that. 644 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,204 Why have you suddenly taken an interest in another human being? 645 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:29,641 I'm chatting. 646 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:35,725 Won't be trying that again. 647 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,962 Changing the subject completely... 648 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:44,166 You know it won't alter anything, right? Me and Mary getting married. 649 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:46,371 We'll still be doing all this. 650 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:47,441 Oh, good. 651 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:48,851 If you were worried. 652 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:50,410 I wasn't worried. 653 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:56,764 The thing about Mary, 654 00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:00,085 she has completely turned my life around. 655 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,529 Changed everything. 656 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,130 But for the record, 657 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:10,091 over the last few years, there are two people who have done that and... 658 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:12,929 the other one is... 659 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,445 a complete dickhead. 660 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:48,484 Can I ask what this is in connection with? 661 00:37:48,720 --> 00:37:52,486 Private Bainbridge contacted us about a personal matter, sir. 662 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,331 Nothing's personal when it concerns my troops. 663 00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,047 - What do you really want? - I'm here on a legitimate enquiry. 664 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:01,680 You press? 665 00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,283 Digging for some bloody royal story or something? 666 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:05,885 No, sir, I'm... 667 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,568 Captain John Watson, Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers... 668 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:09,846 Retired. 669 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,288 You could be a used car salesman now, for all I know. 670 00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:17,651 --Bainbridge? 671 00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:19,722 Gentleman here to see you. 672 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:22,406 Bainbridge! 673 00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:32,560 I know you, don't I? 674 00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:34,287 Hmm? 675 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,889 I've seen you in the papers. 676 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,721 Hanging around with that detective, the one with the silly hat. 677 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,448 What the hell does Bainbridge want with a detective? 678 00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:49,210 I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say. 679 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,851 You're not at liberty to say? He's a soldier in my regiment. 680 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,526 I'll be damned if he's going to get up to cloak-and-dagger nonsense like this. 681 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:55,886 --Sir. 682 00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:57,886 - Sir. - What's going on? 683 00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,883 It's Bainbridge, sir. He's dead. 684 00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:11,049 MY God! 685 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,524 Let me take a look, sir, I'm a doctor. 686 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:16,726 What? 687 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:17,961 Sergeant, arrest this man. 688 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:19,366 What? No, no, I'm a doctor. 689 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:20,771 Oh, you're a doctor now, too? 690 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:22,683 - Sergeant. - Let me examine him, please. 691 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,649 Sir, caught this one snooping around. 692 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:26,925 Is that what this is all about? 693 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,890 Distracting me so that this man could get in here and kill Bainbridge? 694 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:31,485 Kill him with what? Where's the weapon? 695 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:32,721 - What? - Where's the weapon? 696 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,245 Go on, search me, no weapon. 697 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,171 Bainbridge was on parade. He came off duty five minutes ago. 698 00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:38,366 When's this supposed to have happened? 699 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,522 You obviously stabbed him before he got into the shower. 700 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,090 - No. - No? 701 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,208 He's soaking wet and there's still shampoo in his hair. 702 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,089 He got into the shower and then someone stabbed him. 703 00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:47,810 But the cubicle was locked from the inside, sir. 704 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:48,881 I had to break it open. 705 00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:50,405 Must have climbed over the top. 706 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,130 Well, then I'd be soaking wet, too, wouldn't I? 707 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:55,886 Major, please. I'm John Watson, Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. 708 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:57,086 Three years in Afghanistan, 709 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,970 a veteran of Kandahar, Helmand and Barts bloody Hospital! 710 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:01,724 Let me examine this body! 711 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:10,041 Thank you. 712 00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,610 - Suicide? - No. 713 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,490 The weapon again, no knife. 714 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,931 Here we are. There is a wound to the abdomen. 715 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,411 Incredibly fine. 716 00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:24,681 Man stabbed to death. 717 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,647 No murder weapon. Door locked from the inside. 718 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:29,931 Only one way in or out of here. 719 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,206 - Sherlock. - Mmm? 720 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,087 - He's still breathing. - Oh, my God. 721 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:35,491 - What do we do? - Give me your scarf. 722 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,164 - What? - Quickly, now. 723 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,040 - Call an ambulance. - What? 724 00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:40,690 Callao ambulance now! 725 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:42,607 Do it! 726 00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,489 Nurse, press here, hard. 727 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,045 - Nurse? - Yeah, I'm making do. 728 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:47,805 Keep pressure on that wound. 729 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,128 Steven? Steven, stay with me. 730 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,401 Private Bainbridge had just come off guard duty. 731 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,482 He'd stood there for hours, plenty of people watching, 732 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:57,971 nothing apparently wrong. 733 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,691 He came off duty and within minutes was nearly dead 734 00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:04,242 from a wound in his stomach but there was no weapon. 735 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:05,887 Where did it go? 736 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,849 Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to consider this. 737 00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:09,968 A murderer who can walk through walls. 738 00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:11,610 A weapon that can vanish. 739 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,802 But in all of this, there is only one element 740 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,690 which can be said to be truly remarkable. 741 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,811 Would anyone like to make a guess? 742 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:26,887 Come on, come on. There is actually an element of Q&A to all of this. 743 00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,206 Scotland Yard, have you got a theory? 744 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,083 Yeah, you. You're a detective, broadly speaking. Got a theory? 745 00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:38,764 Er, um... 746 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,765 If the blade was propelled through the, um... 747 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,928 grating in the air vent... 748 00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:50,369 Maybe a ballista or a catapult, 749 00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,522 somebody tiny could crawl in there. 750 00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:55,448 So yeah, we're looking for a dwarf. 751 00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,681 - Brilliant. - Really? 752 00:41:57,760 --> 00:41:58,761 No. 753 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,808 - Next. - He stabbed himself. 754 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,531 Hello, who was that? Tom. 755 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:07,921 Got a theory? 756 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:15,490 Um, attempted suicide with a blade made of compacted blood and bone. 757 00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:19,163 Broke after piercing his abdomen, like a meat... 758 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:21,761 dagger. 759 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:23,929 - A meat dagger? - Yes. 760 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,005 Sit down. 761 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:27,641 No. 762 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,930 There was one feature and only one feature of interest 763 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,809 in the whole of this baffling case 764 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,247 and quite frankly, it was the usual. 765 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:37,401 John Watson. 766 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,564 Who, while I was trying to solve the murder, 767 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,404 instead saved a life. 768 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:46,760 There are mysteries worth solving and stories worth telling. 769 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,565 The best and bravest man I know 770 00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:51,529 and on top of that he actually knows how to do stuff. 771 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,762 Except wedding planning and serviettes, he's rubbish at those. 772 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:57,610 The case itself remains the most ingenious 773 00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,887 and brilliantly planned murder or attempted murder 774 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:02,167 I've ever had the pleasure to encounter. 775 00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:05,449 The most perfect locked-room mystery of which I am aware. 776 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:07,765 However, I'm not just here to praise John, 777 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,161 I'm also here embarrass him, so let's move on to some... 778 00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:11,366 No, wait. So how was it done? 779 00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:13,283 - How was what done? - The stabbing. 780 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:17,285 I'm afraid I don't know. 781 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,328 I didn't solve that one, that's... 782 00:43:19,720 --> 00:43:23,122 It can happen sometimes. It's very... Very disappointing. 783 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,042 Embarrassment leads me on to the stag night. 784 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:27,930 Course, there's hours of material here, 785 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,968 but I've cut it down to the really good bits. 786 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:33,251 Murder scenes. 787 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,487 Locations of murders? 788 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:37,846 Mmm, pub crawl, themed. 789 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:39,809 Yeah, but why can't you just do Underground stations? 790 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,005 It lacks the personal touch. 791 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:43,241 We're going to go for a drink in... 792 00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,209 In every street where you've found a corpse. 793 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:46,486 Delightful. 794 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:48,324 - Where do I come in? - Don't want to get ill. 795 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:49,731 That would ruin it, spoil the mood. 796 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,326 You're a graduate chemist, can't you just work it out? 797 00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,084 I like the practical experience. 798 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,325 Meaning you think I like a drink? 799 00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:58,765 - Occasionally. - That I'm a drunk? 800 00:43:58,840 --> 00:43:59,887 No. No! 801 00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:06,049 You look well. 802 00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:09,527 - I am. - How's... 803 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:13,801 Tom? 804 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:15,882 - Not a sociopath. - Still? Good. 805 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,691 And we're having quite a lot of sex. 806 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:21,801 Okay. 807 00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,721 I want you to calculate John's ideal intake and mine 808 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:26,484 to remain in the sweet spot the whole evening. 809 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,207 - Lightheaded good. - Urinating in wardrobes bad. 810 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:31,561 Hmm. 811 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,484 Two, er, beers, please. 812 00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,450 - Pints? - 443.7 millilitres. 813 00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:42,161 Ah... 814 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,130 - What, we're on a schedule? - You'll thank me. 815 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,684 - Cheers. - Cheers. 816 00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:16,404 - Over there. - What? 817 00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,050 Toilets. Any second now, you'll get... 818 00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:19,565 Hang on. Tell me after. I need the loo. 819 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:20,721 Mmm. On schedule. 820 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:22,884 - Eh? - Nothing. Go. 821 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,206 - How long? - Sorry? 822 00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:31,566 Your visit. 823 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,967 If you could estimate approximate volume discharge... 824 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:36,451 Stop talking now. 825 00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:41,561 Oh. 826 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,007 Quick, one more. He mustn't see. 827 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:55,250 There you go. 828 00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,607 Cheers. 829 00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:00,766 I know Ash! 830 00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,165 Don't tell me I don't. 831 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,082 That is enough! That is... 832 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:14,641 Ashton. 833 00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:16,400 I know Ashton! 834 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,051 I have an international reputation. 835 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:29,371 Do you have an international reputation? 836 00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:31,841 No, I don't have an international reputation. 837 00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:32,967 No. 838 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,328 And I can't even remember what for. 839 00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:39,441 It's... 840 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:42,880 crime, something like that. 841 00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:48,406 Oh. 842 00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:50,608 What are you doing back? I thought you were going to be out late? 843 00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:53,206 Ah, Hudders. What time is it? 844 00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,363 You've only been out two hours. 845 00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:09,041 Am I a vegetable? 846 00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:12,326 You or the... 847 00:47:13,240 --> 00:47:14,446 Funny. 848 00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:16,525 - Thank you. - Come on. 849 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,046 - No, you're not a vegetable. - It's your go. 850 00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:22,284 Uh... 851 00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:23,646 Am I human? 852 00:47:24,720 --> 00:47:25,801 Sometimes. 853 00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:27,609 Can't have sometimes. Has to be, um... 854 00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:28,727 Yes, you're human. 855 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,041 Yes, I know. And am I man? 856 00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:33,091 - Yep. - Ta ll? 857 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,011 Not as tall as people think. 858 00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:37,445 Hmm. Nice? 859 00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,290 - Ish. - Clever? 860 00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,249 - I'd say so. - You would. 861 00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:44,521 Am I important? 862 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,090 To some people. 863 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,731 Do "people" like me? 864 00:47:49,720 --> 00:47:51,051 Er, no, they don't. 865 00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,646 You tend to rub them up the wrong way. 866 00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:55,165 - Okay. 867 00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:56,926 Am I the current King of England? 868 00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,331 We... 869 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:01,803 You know we don't have a king. 870 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,086 - Don't we? - No. 871 00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:04,321 Your go. 872 00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:13,321 I don't mind. 873 00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,165 Am I a woman? 874 00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:19,487 What? 875 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:21,047 Yes. 876 00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,851 Am I pretty? 877 00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:26,441 This. 878 00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:31,364 Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, 879 00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:32,965 influences and role models. 880 00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:36,362 Yeah, but am I a pretty lady? 881 00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,368 I don't know who you are. I don't know who you're supposed to be. 882 00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:42,601 You picked the name! 883 00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,286 Yeah, but I picked it at random from the papers. 884 00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,450 You're not really getting the hang of this game, are you, Sherlock? 885 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,410 So I am human, I'm not as tall as people think I am. 886 00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:53,847 I'm... I'm nice-ish. 887 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:56,607 Clever. Important to some people. 888 00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,201 But I tend to rub them up the wrong way. 889 00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:02,606 - Got it. - Go on, then. 890 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:03,841 I'm you, aren't I? 891 00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:05,607 Client! 892 00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:06,887 Client. 893 00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:09,324 - Hello. - Hello. 894 00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:10,401 Come. 895 00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:12,483 Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes? 896 00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:19,606 I don't a lot. 897 00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:23,730 I mean, I don't date all that much and... 898 00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:27,489 He seemed nice, you know? 899 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:30,006 We seemed to automatically connect. 900 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:32,768 We had one night, dinner. 901 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:38,122 Such interesting conversation, it was lovely. 902 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:39,884 To be honest, 903 00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:43,726 I'd love to have gone further but I thought, 904 00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:46,327 "No, this is special. 905 00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:49,649 "Let's take it slowly. Exchange numbers." 906 00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:51,961 He said he'd get in touch and then... 907 00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,849 Maybe he wasn't quite 908 00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,443 as keen as I was but I... 909 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:07,920 I just thought at least he'd call to say that we were finished. 910 00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:17,370 I went round there. 911 00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:20,163 To his flat. No trace of him. 912 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:24,364 Mr Holmes, I honestly think 913 00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:29,080 I had dinner with a ghost. 914 00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:34,561 Mr Holmes? 915 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,570 With a ghost, Mr Holmes! 916 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:43,570 Boring. Boring. Boring. No! 917 00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:46,211 Fascinating. 918 00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,084 John, John, wake up. 919 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,047 Apologise about my, you know... 920 00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:54,006 Rude. Rude! 921 00:50:55,600 --> 00:51:00,367 I checked with the landlord and the man who lived there died. 922 00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:02,361 Heart attack. 923 00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:07,124 And there we are having dinner one week on. 924 00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,490 And I found this thing online, 925 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,528 sort of chat room thing, 926 00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,967 for girls who think they're dating men from the spirit world. 927 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,091 Don't worry. I'll find him in 10 minutes. 928 00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:21,641 What's your dog's name? 929 00:51:21,720 --> 00:51:23,290 Yeah, I'll be there if you want... 930 00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:24,725 John, wake up. 931 00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:26,165 Meant to... 932 00:51:26,240 --> 00:51:28,481 You... The game is something... 933 00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,243 - Oh. - Yeah, that, that. 934 00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:33,806 Okay. 935 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:43,890 Oh, it's nice. 936 00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:46,651 Nice place. 937 00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:52,721 - See any-thing? - Hmm? 938 00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:55,484 Any clues, Mr Holmes? 939 00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:57,560 Oh, er... 940 00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,450 I'm just going to whip this out. 941 00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:29,201 Mmm-hmm. 942 00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:38,281 - You all right? - Hmm? 943 00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:39,725 - Yeah, he's clueing. - What? 944 00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:41,006 He's... Hmm? 945 00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:42,923 He's clueing for looks. 946 00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:55,131 Mr Holmes? 947 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,569 - Mr Holmes? - I'm calling the police. 948 00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:03,766 Oh, no. 949 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:05,450 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 950 00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:06,760 This is a famous detective. 951 00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:09,525 It's Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson. 952 00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:10,960 What do you think you're doing? 953 00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:15,291 Don't compromise the integrity of the... 954 00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:22,651 Crime scene. 955 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,202 Yeah, that. 956 00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:53,282 - Wakey, wakey! - Oh, my God. 957 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:55,887 Greg? Is that Greg? 958 00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:57,121 Get up, I'm going to put you two in a taxi. 959 00:53:57,520 --> 00:54:00,091 Managed to square things with the desk sergeant. 960 00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:02,600 What a couple of lightweights. 961 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,409 You couldn't even make it to closing time. 962 00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,404 - Can you whisper? - Not really! 963 00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:11,686 Come on. 964 00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:27,561 Well, thanks for, you know, 965 00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:30,608 - an evening. - It was awful. 966 00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:32,045 - Yep. - Oh. 967 00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,088 I was going to pretend but... 968 00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:35,400 It was, truly. 969 00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:37,562 - That woman Tessa... - What? 970 00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,211 Dated a ghost, most interesting case for months. 971 00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:42,248 What a wasted opportunity. 972 00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:44,326 Okay. 973 00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:53,281 - How are you feeling? - Mmm. 974 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,645 It's just like old times, having you back here. 975 00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:00,289 I thought I'd make your favourite. 976 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,203 - One last time. - Oh. 977 00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,647 Don't sound so final about it. 978 00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:05,721 I will be visiting, you know. 979 00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:08,201 Oh, I've heard that one before. 980 00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:09,281 No, it's different now, though, isn't it? 981 00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:11,044 It's different to when we thought we'd lost him. 982 00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,487 Well, marriage changes everything, John. 983 00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:15,246 - Does it? - Yeah. 984 00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:17,402 You might not think it but it does. 985 00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:19,403 It's a different phase in your life. 986 00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:22,405 You meet new people 'cause you're a couple. 987 00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:26,288 And then you just let your old friends slip away. 988 00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:28,249 It won't be like that. 989 00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:31,051 Well, if you've found the right one, the person that you click with, 990 00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:32,690 it's the best thing in the world. 991 00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:34,524 Well, I have. I know I have. 992 00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,762 Oh, I'm sure. She's lovely. 993 00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:38,205 Yeah, I think so. 994 00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:40,489 - What about you? - Me? 995 00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:43,803 Did you think you'd found the right one when you married Mr Hudson? 996 00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,884 No. It was just a whirlwind thing for us. 997 00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:48,201 I knew it wouldn't work 998 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:50,248 - but I just got sort of swept along. - Right. 999 00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,289 And then we moved to Florida. 1000 00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,090 We had a fantastic time 1001 00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:56,288 but of course, I didn't know what he was up to. 1002 00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:58,044 - The drugs. - Drugs? 1003 00:55:58,400 --> 00:55:59,447 He was running, um... 1004 00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:01,450 Oh, God, what do you call it? 1005 00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:03,250 Um, a... 1006 00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:04,727 cartel. 1007 00:56:05,240 --> 00:56:08,130 - And got in with a really bad crowd. - Right. 1008 00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,601 And then I found out about all the other women. 1009 00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:12,409 I didn't have a clue. 1010 00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:16,887 So when he was actually arrested for blowing someone's head off, 1011 00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:20,328 it was quite a relief, to be honest. 1012 00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:23,201 Right. 1013 00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:25,928 It was purely physical between me and Frank. 1014 00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:27,844 We couldn't keep our hands off each other. 1015 00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,006 And, um, there was one night... 1016 00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:32,844 Oh, is that Sherlock? 1017 00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:33,921 Is it? 1018 00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:37,770 No, it's Sherlock. 1019 00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:58,281 There are going to be others. 1020 00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,203 - Others? - Victims. Women. 1021 00:57:01,120 --> 00:57:02,963 Most ghosts tend to haunt a single house. 1022 00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:05,407 This ghost, however, is willing to commute. Look. 1023 00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:29,485 Mmm... not you. 1024 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,651 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 1025 00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:34,809 Not you. Not you. 1026 00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,886 Not you. Not you. Not you. 1027 00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,926 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 1028 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,445 Not you. Not you. Not you. 1029 00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:48,681 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you, you, you or you. Or you. 1030 00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:51,923 Or you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 1031 00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:55,122 Not you. Not you. 1032 00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,163 - Hi. - Gail. 1033 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:12,401 Charlotte. 1034 00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:14,961 Robyn. 1035 00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:19,841 Vicky. 1036 00:58:28,520 --> 00:58:29,646 How did you meet? 1037 00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:31,051 Came up to me in a pub. 1038 00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:32,531 Same gym as me. 1039 00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:33,965 We just got chatting on the bus. 1040 00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:35,041 Online. 1041 00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:36,845 - Name? - Told you. 1042 00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:38,001 His name. 1043 00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:39,650 - Oscar. - Mike. 1044 00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:40,881 Terry. 1045 00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:43,088 Urn, Love Monkey. 1046 00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:46,202 - Your place? - His place. 1047 00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:48,681 Address? 1048 00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:54,331 Nothing happened. 1049 00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:57,131 It was just very romantic. 1050 00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:59,601 Four women in four nights. He must have something special. 1051 00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,603 - He was very charming. - Innocent. 1052 00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:02,887 He was sweet. 1053 00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:04,565 - He a lovely... - You okay? 1054 00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:08,001 Let your food go cold. 1055 00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:09,411 Mrs Hudson will play hell. 1056 00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:10,970 Not now, John. 1057 00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:16,447 - Sorry about that. 1058 00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:17,851 He had a lovely manner. 1059 00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:20,603 Different names, different addresses. 1060 00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:23,408 - Describe him. - Short blond hair. 1061 00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:24,766 Dark hair. Long. 1062 00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:26,490 Ginger. I like gingers. 1063 00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:27,607 Couldn't tell. 1064 00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:29,606 He had a mask on. 1065 00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:33,609 He's stealing the identity of corpses, 1066 00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,762 getting their names from the obituary columns. 1067 00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:38,046 All single men. 1068 00:59:38,360 --> 00:59:39,646 He's using the dead man's flat 1069 00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:41,324 under the assumption it'll be empty for a while. 1070 00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:43,601 Free love nest. 1071 00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:45,609 - I feel sick. - It's gruesome. 1072 00:59:45,680 --> 00:59:47,489 - That's awful. - Clever. 1073 00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:48,561 Bastard. 1074 00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:55,170 Hello, Tessa. 1075 00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:58,246 Meanwhile, back to business. No one wants to use a dead man's home. 1076 00:59:59,960 --> 01:00:05,091 At least not until it's been cleared, so he disguises himself, 1077 01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,367 steals the man's home, steals his identity. 1078 01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:08,885 But only for one night. 1079 01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:11,568 - And he's gone. - He's not a ghost, John. 1080 01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:13,927 He's a mayfly. He lives for a day. 1081 01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:19,011 So what was it he was looking for? 1082 01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:20,241 Job? 1083 01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:21,446 - Gardener. - Cook. 1084 01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:22,965 - Private nurse. - I do security work. 1085 01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:24,327 Maid. 1086 01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:27,484 Obvious. You all work for the same person. 1087 01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:43,969 No, no. Not the same employer. 1088 01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,690 Damn! Come on, we can do this. 1089 01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:47,566 Ideal night out? 1090 01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:49,449 - Clay pigeon shooting. - Line dancing. 1091 01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:51,729 - Pictures. - Wine in front of the telly. 1092 01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:53,241 Dungeon. 1093 01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:57,124 - Makeup? - Clarins. 1094 01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:58,850 - No7. - Maybelline. 1095 01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:01,083 - Nothing special. - Whatever's cheap. 1096 01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:02,921 Perfume? 1097 01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:04,490 - Chanel. - Chanel. 1098 01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:06,250 - Chanel. - Chanel. 1099 01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:07,487 Estée Lauder. 1100 01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:09,967 Ideal man? 1101 01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:12,129 - George Clooney. - Oh, no. 1102 01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:13,247 Home-loving. 1103 01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:14,601 He'd have to like cuddling. 1104 01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:16,247 Caring. 1105 01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:17,521 Ten things. 1106 01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,602 One, someone who isn't competitive with other men. 1107 01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:24,848 Two, someone who isn't constantly trying to define himself by his masculinity. 1108 01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,122 There's a unifying factor, there has to be. 1109 01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,771 None of you reported anything stolen. 1110 01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:35,005 Security guard, gardener, cook, 1111 01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:37,050 maid, private nurse. 1112 01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:38,565 He's romancing his way up the pecking order, 1113 01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:40,449 somebody's pecking order. Come on, think. 1114 01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:41,806 Unless... 1115 01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,084 Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? 1116 01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,241 No. 1117 01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:48,411 - Gotcha. - What do you mean? 1118 01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:50,767 Everyone has secrets and they all replied too quickly. 1119 01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:52,366 - Got to go. - See you. 1120 01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:53,646 - No, wait. - Bye-bye. 1121 01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:56,291 Sorry, sexy, some secrets have to stay secret. 1122 01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:58,165 Enjoy the wedding. 1123 01:01:58,240 --> 01:01:59,321 Yeah. 1124 01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:02,642 Why? Why would he date all of those women 1125 01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:03,926 and not return their calls? 1126 01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:05,241 You're missing the obvious, mate. 1127 01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:07,325 - Am I? - He's a man. 1128 01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,009 Why would he change his identity? 1129 01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:11,446 Maybe he's married. 1130 01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:14,721 Oh. 1131 01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:16,040 Married. 1132 01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:17,880 Obvious, really. 1133 01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:21,043 Our mayfly man was trying to escape the suffocating chains of domesticity 1134 01:02:21,120 --> 01:02:22,770 and instead of endless nights in watching the telly 1135 01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:24,444 or going to barbeques with the awful, dreadful, 1136 01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:25,806 boring people he couldn't stand, 1137 01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:28,121 he used his wits, cleverness and powers of disguise 1138 01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:29,201 to play the field. 1139 01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:30,281 He was... 1140 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,570 On second thoughts, 1141 01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:37,608 I probably should have told you about The Elephant in the Room. 1142 01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,208 However, it does help to further illustrate 1143 01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:42,442 how invaluable John is to me. 1144 01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:45,806 I can read a crime scene the way he can understand a human being. 1145 01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:47,484 I used to think that's what made me special. 1146 01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:49,881 Quite frankly, I still do. But a word to the wise. 1147 01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:52,964 Should any of you require the services of either of us, 1148 01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:54,849 I will solve your murder 1149 01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,491 but it takes John Watson to save your life. 1150 01:02:57,720 --> 01:02:58,767 Trust me on that. I should know. 1151 01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:01,411 He's saved mine so many times and in so many ways. 1152 01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:05,200 This blog 1153 01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:10,884 is the story of two men and their frankly ridiculous adventures. 1154 01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:14,484 --Of murder, mystery and mayhem. 1155 01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:18,809 But from now on, there's a new story. 1156 01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:21,930 A bigger adventure. 1157 01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:25,444 Ladies and gentlemen, 1158 01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:28,046 pray charge your glasses and be upstanding. 1159 01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:33,526 Today begin the adventures of Mary Elizabeth Watson 1160 01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:35,284 and John Hamish Watson. 1161 01:03:36,560 --> 01:03:39,291 The two reasons why every single one of us is... 1162 01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:59,448 What did you say? 1163 01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:01,881 You said, 1164 01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:05,009 "John Hamish Watson." 1165 01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:07,321 You said that, you said Hamish. 1166 01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:10,487 This is a famous detective, it's Sherlock Holmes 1167 01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:12,608 and his partner, John Hamish Watson. 1168 01:04:12,680 --> 01:04:15,365 How did you know? 1169 01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:17,727 How did you know his middle name? 1170 01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:19,404 Never tells anyone, he hates it. 1171 01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:24,970 John H Watson? 1172 01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:27,081 Yep. 1173 01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:35,165 - Henry? - Shut up. 1174 01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:37,849 - Humphrey? - Shut up. 1175 01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:42,920 - 'Higgins? - Go away! 1176 01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:46,007 Took him years to confide in me. 1177 01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:50,325 That's my birth certificate. 1178 01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:51,481 Yep. 1179 01:04:56,640 --> 01:04:58,244 And the woman, she knew. 1180 01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:03,445 Hamish. 1181 01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:05,090 John Hamish Watson. 1182 01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:08,130 Just if you were looking for baby names. 1183 01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:10,364 God knows where she is. 1184 01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:16,848 Out of my head, I am busy! 1185 01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:20,681 There's only one time that name's been made public. 1186 01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:22,922 Does it have to be on the invitation? 1187 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:24,490 It's your name. 1188 01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:26,609 - It's traditional. - It's funny. 1189 01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:31,323 Enjoy the wedding. 1190 01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:36,880 Enjoy the wedding. 1191 01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:38,371 The wedding! 1192 01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:39,441 You knew about the wedding. 1193 01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:41,841 More importantly, you'd seen the wedding invitation. 1194 01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:43,844 Now, barely a hundred people had seen that invitation. 1195 01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:45,888 The Mayfly Man only saw five women. 1196 01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:47,485 For one person to be in both groups... 1197 01:05:48,920 --> 01:05:50,126 could be a coincidence. 1198 01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:51,884 Oh, Sherlock. 1199 01:05:52,280 --> 01:05:54,044 What do we say about coincidence? 1200 01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:55,610 The universe is rarely so lazy. 1201 01:05:55,680 --> 01:05:57,682 So, the balance of probability is... 1202 01:05:57,760 --> 01:05:58,761 Someone went to great lengths 1203 01:05:58,840 --> 01:05:59,887 to find out something about this wedding. 1204 01:05:59,960 --> 01:06:02,804 - What great lengths? - They lied. Assumed false identities. 1205 01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:04,882 - Which suggests? - Criminal intent. 1206 01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:07,486 - Also suggests... - Intelligence. Planning. 1207 01:06:07,560 --> 01:06:09,881 Clearly. But more importantly... 1208 01:06:11,880 --> 01:06:12,927 The Mayfly Man. 1209 01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:15,365 The Mayfly Man is... 1210 01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:17,329 ...here today. 1211 01:06:17,680 --> 01:06:18,806 Ooh, sorry, I... 1212 01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:22,761 Another glass, sir? 1213 01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:24,041 Thank you, yes. Thank you, yes. 1214 01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:27,127 Something is going to happen, right here. 1215 01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:31,326 Now, where were we? 1216 01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:32,447 Could be any second. 1217 01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:37,486 You have control of the room. 1218 01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:40,162 Ah, yes, raising glasses and standing up. 1219 01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:42,210 Very good, thank you. 1220 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:43,645 Don't lose it. 1221 01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:45,690 And down again. 1222 01:06:54,160 --> 01:06:57,687 Ladies and gentlemen, people tell you not to milk a good speech. 1223 01:06:57,760 --> 01:06:59,728 Get off early, leave them laughing. 1224 01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:05,287 Wise advice I'll certainly try to bear in mind but for now... 1225 01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:09,322 Part two! Part two is more action-based. 1226 01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:12,722 I'm going to walk around, shake things up a bit. 1227 01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,160 Who'd go to a wedding? That's the question. 1228 01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:20,484 Who would bother to go to any lengths to get themselves to a wedding? 1229 01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:24,209 Well, everyone. 1230 01:07:24,280 --> 01:07:25,884 Weddings are great! Love a wedding. 1231 01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:27,769 - What's he doing? - Something's wrong. 1232 01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:29,285 And John's great, too. 1233 01:07:29,360 --> 01:07:31,931 I haven't said that enough, barely scratched the surface. 1234 01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:36,847 I could go on all night about the depth and complexity of his... 1235 01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:39,321 - jumpers. - ...jumpers, and he can cook... 1236 01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:42,165 Does a thing, 1237 01:07:42,520 --> 01:07:45,285 thing with peas... once. 1238 01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:47,010 Might not be peas, might not be him. 1239 01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:50,050 But he's got a great singing voice or somebody does... 1240 01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:52,643 Too many, too many, too many, too many! 1241 01:07:53,640 --> 01:07:55,483 Sorry, too many jokes about John. 1242 01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:57,891 Now, uh... 1243 01:07:58,280 --> 01:07:59,361 Criminal intent. 1244 01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:01,090 Where was I? Ah, yes. 1245 01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:02,969 Extraordinary lengths. 1246 01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:04,610 Speech! Speech. 1247 01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:06,367 Let's talk about... 1248 01:08:06,440 --> 01:08:08,886 All of which is suggestive of... 1249 01:08:10,480 --> 01:08:11,481 - Murder. 1250 01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:14,131 Sorry, did I say "murder"? I meant to say "marriage". 1251 01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:15,884 But, you know, they're... 1252 01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:18,322 quite similar procedures, when you think about it, 1253 01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:22,610 the participants tend to know each other and it's over when one of them's dead. 1254 01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:24,489 In fairness, murder is a lot quicker, though. 1255 01:08:24,560 --> 01:08:26,324 Janine, what about this one? Acceptably hot? 1256 01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:28,967 More importantly, his girlfriend's wearing brand-new, uncomfortable underwear 1257 01:08:29,040 --> 01:08:31,407 and hasn't bothered to pick this thread off of the top of his jacket 1258 01:08:31,480 --> 01:08:33,164 or point out the grease smudge on the back of his neck. 1259 01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:35,925 Currently, he's going home alone. Also, he's a comics and sci-fi geek, 1260 01:08:36,000 --> 01:08:38,128 they're always tremendously grateful when you put the hours in. 1261 01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:40,521 --Geoff, the gents. 1262 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:43,162 - The loos, now, please. - Greg. 1263 01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:44,241 - The loos, please. 1264 01:08:44,320 --> 01:08:46,926 - Why? - Oh, I don't know, maybe it's your turn. 1265 01:08:47,360 --> 01:08:49,124 Yeah, actually, now you mention it... 1266 01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:51,966 Sherlock, any chance of an end date 1267 01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:53,724 for this speech? Gotta cut the cake. 1268 01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:56,248 Oh! Ladies and gentlemen, 1269 01:08:56,320 --> 01:08:58,687 can't stand it when I finally get the chance to speak for once, 1270 01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:01,286 - Vatican Cameos. - What did he say? What does that mean? 1271 01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,729 Battle stations, someone's going to die. 1272 01:09:03,800 --> 01:09:04,926 What? 1273 01:09:06,080 --> 01:09:07,127 Narrow it down. 1274 01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:09,006 Narrow it down. 1275 01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:11,964 Narrow it down. 1276 01:09:12,040 --> 01:09:13,804 No! 1277 01:09:13,880 --> 01:09:16,406 No! Not you, not you. 1278 01:09:17,440 --> 01:09:18,441 You. 1279 01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:21,330 It's always you. 1280 01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:23,607 John Watson, you keep me right. 1281 01:09:25,600 --> 01:09:28,001 - What do I do? - You've already done it. 1282 01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:31,163 Don't solve the murder, save the life. 1283 01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:33,004 Sorry. 1284 01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:35,242 Off-piste a bit, back now, phew! 1285 01:09:35,560 --> 01:09:38,131 Let's play a game. Let's play Murder. 1286 01:09:39,360 --> 01:09:41,010 Sherlock! 1287 01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:44,402 Imagine someone's going to get murdered at a wedding. 1288 01:09:44,480 --> 01:09:45,720 Who exactly would you pick? 1289 01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:47,928 I think you're a popular choice at the moment, dear. 1290 01:09:48,040 --> 01:09:50,247 If someone could move Mrs Hudson's glass just slightly out of reach, 1291 01:09:50,320 --> 01:09:51,924 that would be lovely. 1292 01:09:52,000 --> 01:09:55,766 More importantly, who could you only kill at a wedding? 1293 01:09:57,800 --> 01:09:59,290 Most people you can kill any old place. 1294 01:09:59,400 --> 01:10:01,164 As a mental exercise, I have often planned 1295 01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:02,765 the murder of friends and colleagues. 1296 01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:06,526 Now, John I'd poison. Sloppy eater, dead easy. 1297 01:10:06,600 --> 01:10:09,126 I've given him chemicals and compounds that way, he's never even noticed. 1298 01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:10,770 He missed a whole Wednesday once, didn't have a clue. 1299 01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:11,887 Lestrade's so easy to kill, 1300 01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:13,450 it's a miracle no one's succumbed to the temptation. 1301 01:10:13,520 --> 01:10:14,726 I've got a pair of keys to my brother's house, 1302 01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:16,484 I could easily break in there and asphyxiate him... 1303 01:10:16,560 --> 01:10:18,050 If the whim arose. 1304 01:10:18,120 --> 01:10:20,009 He's pissed, isn't he? Ow! 1305 01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:23,926 So, once again, who could you only kill here? 1306 01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:25,641 Clearly, it's a rare opportunity, 1307 01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:27,290 so it's someone who doesn't get out much. 1308 01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:29,045 Someone for whom a planned social encounter 1309 01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:31,646 known about months in advance is an exception. 1310 01:10:31,720 --> 01:10:33,802 Has to be a unique opportunity. 1311 01:10:35,120 --> 01:10:37,487 And since killing someone in public is difficult, 1312 01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:39,449 killing them in private isn't an option. 1313 01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:42,649 Someone who lives in an inaccessible or unknown location, then. 1314 01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:44,643 Someone private, perhaps, 1315 01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:47,048 obsessed with personal security... 1316 01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:49,923 --Possibly someone under threat. 1317 01:10:54,600 --> 01:10:55,806 Major James Sholto, who he? 1318 01:10:55,880 --> 01:10:57,769 - I don't think he's coming. - He'll be there. 1319 01:10:57,840 --> 01:10:59,763 - Where are you living these days? - Oh, 1320 01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:01,126 way out in the middle of nowhere. 1321 01:11:01,800 --> 01:11:03,290 The press and the family's giving him hell, 1322 01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:04,600 he gets more death threats than you. 1323 01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:08,685 Oh, a recluse? 1324 01:11:09,400 --> 01:11:10,731 Small household staff. 1325 01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:12,848 - Job? - Gardener, cook, private nurse, maid. 1326 01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:14,729 High turnover for additional security. 1327 01:11:14,800 --> 01:11:15,801 I do security work. 1328 01:11:15,880 --> 01:11:17,723 Probably all signed confidentiality agreements. 1329 01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:19,211 Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? 1330 01:11:19,280 --> 01:11:21,203 - No. - There's another question that remains, 1331 01:11:21,280 --> 01:11:22,964 however, rather a big one, a huge one. 1332 01:11:23,040 --> 01:11:24,963 How would you do it? How do you kill someone in public? 1333 01:11:25,040 --> 01:11:26,246 There has to be a way. 1334 01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:28,527 - This has been planned. - Mr Holmes, Mr Holmes! 1335 01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:29,931 Oh, hello again, Archie. What's your theory? 1336 01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:31,729 Get this right and there's a headless nun in it for you. 1337 01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:33,086 The invisible man could do it. 1338 01:11:33,160 --> 01:11:34,525 The who, the what, the when, the why, the where? 1339 01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:35,965 The invisible man with the invisible knife, 1340 01:11:36,560 --> 01:11:38,130 the one who tried to kill the guardsman. 1341 01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:57,921 Bainbridge? Bainbridge! 1342 01:12:05,240 --> 01:12:08,130 Oh, not just planned, planned and rehearsed. 1343 01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:13,126 Ladies and gentlemen, there will now be a short interlude. 1344 01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:14,770 To the bride and groom! 1345 01:12:16,560 --> 01:12:18,801 To the bride and the groom. 1346 01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:20,681 Major Sholto's going to be murdered. 1347 01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:22,330 I don't know how or by whom but it's going to happen. 1348 01:12:23,160 --> 01:12:26,084 Excuse me, coming through, consulting. 1349 01:12:26,160 --> 01:12:27,844 - Stay here. - Please be careful. 1350 01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:29,968 Excuse me, coming through. 1351 01:12:30,040 --> 01:12:31,883 Excuse me. 1352 01:12:32,600 --> 01:12:35,763 Sorry, one moment. Oh, I'm so sorry. 1353 01:12:35,920 --> 01:12:38,048 What's happening? What's going on? 1354 01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:04,126 How can you not remember which room? You remember everything! 1355 01:13:04,200 --> 01:13:06,248 - I have to delete something! - 207! 1356 01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:15,971 Major Sholto? 1357 01:13:16,040 --> 01:13:17,246 Major Sholto? 1358 01:13:18,920 --> 01:13:20,206 Major Sholto! 1359 01:13:20,280 --> 01:13:22,089 If someone's about to make an attempt on my life, 1360 01:13:22,160 --> 01:13:24,561 it won't be the first time. I'm ready. 1361 01:13:24,640 --> 01:13:26,324 Major, let us in! 1362 01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:27,925 - Kick the door down. - I really wouldn't. 1363 01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:32,407 I have a gun in my hand and a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes. 1364 01:13:32,480 --> 01:13:34,164 You're not safe in there. Whoever's after you, 1365 01:13:34,240 --> 01:13:35,810 we know that a locked room doesn't stop him. 1366 01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:37,928 The invisible man with the invisible knife? 1367 01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:39,411 I don't know how he does it so I can't stop him 1368 01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:40,561 and that means he'll do it again. 1369 01:13:40,640 --> 01:13:41,641 Solve it, then. 1370 01:13:41,760 --> 01:13:43,444 I... I'm sorry? 1371 01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:46,649 You're the famous Mr Holmes. Solve the case, on you go. 1372 01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:49,202 Tell me how he did it and I'll open the door. 1373 01:13:49,280 --> 01:13:53,080 Please, this is no time for games. Just let us in, you're in danger! 1374 01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:54,650 So are you, so long as you're here. 1375 01:13:54,720 --> 01:13:56,370 Please, leave me. 1376 01:13:57,680 --> 01:14:00,923 Despite my reputation, I really don't approve of collateral damage. 1377 01:14:01,280 --> 01:14:02,850 - Solve it. - Sorry? 1378 01:14:02,920 --> 01:14:04,160 Solve it and he'll open the door, like he said. 1379 01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:05,765 I couldn't solve it before, how can I solve it now? 1380 01:14:05,840 --> 01:14:07,490 - Because it matters now! - What are you talking about? 1381 01:14:07,560 --> 01:14:09,210 What's she talking about? Get your wife under control. 1382 01:14:09,280 --> 01:14:10,327 She's right. 1383 01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:12,721 - Oh, you've changed. - No, she is. Shut up. 1384 01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:15,087 You are not a puzzle solver, you never have been. 1385 01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:17,561 You're a drama queen. Now, there is a man in there about to die, 1386 01:14:17,640 --> 01:14:19,244 the game is on, solve it! 1387 01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:36,401 --Bainbridge? 1388 01:14:39,520 --> 01:14:40,521 Bainbridge! 1389 01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:44,201 Though, in fairness, 1390 01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:45,566 - he's a drama queen, too. - Yeah, I know. 1391 01:14:45,640 --> 01:14:47,722 Major Sholto, no one's coming to kill you. 1392 01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:50,121 I'm afraid you've already been killed several hours ago. 1393 01:14:51,480 --> 01:14:53,562 - What did you say? - Don't take off your belt. 1394 01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:55,127 My belt? 1395 01:14:55,440 --> 01:14:56,441 His belt, yes. 1396 01:14:56,520 --> 01:14:58,648 Bainbridge was stabbed hours before we even saw him, 1397 01:14:58,720 --> 01:15:00,290 - but it was through his belt. 1398 01:15:00,360 --> 01:15:01,964 Tight belt, worn high on the waist. 1399 01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:04,008 Very easy to push a small blade through the fabric, 1400 01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:05,241 and you wouldn't even feel it. 1401 01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:07,243 The belt would bind the flesh together 1402 01:15:07,320 --> 01:15:08,321 - when it was tight. - Exactly. 1403 01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:10,368 - And when you took it off... - Delayed action stabbing. 1404 01:15:10,440 --> 01:15:12,602 All the time in the world to create an alibi. 1405 01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:13,761 Major Sholto! 1406 01:15:13,960 --> 01:15:15,121 So... 1407 01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:20,407 I was to be killed by my uniform. 1408 01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:22,810 How appropriate. 1409 01:15:25,800 --> 01:15:28,849 He solved the case, Major, you're supposed to open the door now. 1410 01:15:28,920 --> 01:15:29,921 A deal is a deal. 1411 01:15:30,200 --> 01:15:32,009 I'm not even supposed to have this any more. 1412 01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:34,208 They gave me special dispensation to keep it. 1413 01:15:34,840 --> 01:15:37,002 I couldn't imagine life out of this uniform, 1414 01:15:37,080 --> 01:15:39,367 I suppose, given the circumstances, I don't have to. 1415 01:15:42,520 --> 01:15:46,206 When so many want you dead, it hardly seems good manners to argue. 1416 01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:54,608 Whatever you're doing in there, James, stop it right now. 1417 01:15:54,680 --> 01:15:56,125 I will kick this door down. 1418 01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:58,646 Mr Holmes, you and I are similar, I think. 1419 01:15:58,720 --> 01:16:00,165 Yes, I think we are. 1420 01:16:00,240 --> 01:16:02,004 There's a proper time to die, isn't there? 1421 01:16:02,080 --> 01:16:03,081 Of course there is. 1422 01:16:03,160 --> 01:16:05,288 And one should embrace it when it comes. 1423 01:16:07,200 --> 01:16:08,201 Like a soldier. 1424 01:16:08,280 --> 01:16:11,011 Of course one should but not at John's wedding! 1425 01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:16,247 We wouldn't do that, would we, you and me? 1426 01:16:16,800 --> 01:16:20,600 We would never do that to John Watson. 1427 01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:27,282 - I'm going to break it down. - Wait, wait, you won't have to. 1428 01:16:27,360 --> 01:16:28,441 Hmm? 1429 01:16:34,560 --> 01:16:36,881 I believe I am in need of medical attention. 1430 01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:39,729 I believe I'm your doctor. 1431 01:16:56,680 --> 01:16:58,444 Yeah, pretty good, just... 1432 01:16:58,520 --> 01:17:01,330 - Hold your nerve when you're turning. - Why do we have to rehearse? 1433 01:17:01,400 --> 01:17:03,846 Because we are about to dance together in public 1434 01:17:03,920 --> 01:17:05,160 and your skills are appalling. 1435 01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:09,004 - Well, you're a good teacher. - Hmm. 1436 01:17:09,080 --> 01:17:10,491 And you're a brilliant dancer. 1437 01:17:11,240 --> 01:17:14,130 - I'll let you in on something, Janine. - Go on, then. 1438 01:17:14,480 --> 01:17:16,960 - I love dancing. I've always loved it. - Seriously? 1439 01:17:17,040 --> 01:17:18,041 Watch out. 1440 01:17:22,640 --> 01:17:23,846 Oh! 1441 01:17:23,920 --> 01:17:25,684 That rarely comes up in crime work 1442 01:17:25,760 --> 01:17:27,410 but, you know, I live in hope of the right case. 1443 01:17:28,040 --> 01:17:29,804 I wish you weren't... 1444 01:17:31,280 --> 01:17:33,009 whatever it is you are. 1445 01:17:33,560 --> 01:17:34,925 - I know. - Well! 1446 01:17:35,240 --> 01:17:36,730 Glad to see you've pulled, Sherlock, 1447 01:17:36,800 --> 01:17:38,643 what with murderers running riot at my wedding. 1448 01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:41,485 One murder... One nearly murderer. He loves to exaggerate. 1449 01:17:41,560 --> 01:17:42,641 You should try living with him. 1450 01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:44,207 Sherlock. 1451 01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:48,129 - Got him for you. - Ah! The photographer, excellent. 1452 01:17:48,360 --> 01:17:51,409 Thank you. Um, may I have a look at your camera? 1453 01:17:52,160 --> 01:17:54,811 Uh, what's this about? I was halfway home. 1454 01:17:55,160 --> 01:17:56,491 - You should have driven faster. 1455 01:17:57,480 --> 01:18:00,370 Ah, yes. Yes! Very good! 1456 01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:03,725 There, you see? Perfect. 1457 01:18:03,800 --> 01:18:06,041 What is? You going to tell us? 1458 01:18:06,560 --> 01:18:07,766 Try looking yourself. 1459 01:18:08,320 --> 01:18:09,845 Who? For what? 1460 01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:12,685 Is the murderer in these photographs? 1461 01:18:12,760 --> 01:18:15,331 It's not what's in the photographs, it's what's not in them. 1462 01:18:15,400 --> 01:18:16,526 Not in any of them. 1463 01:18:16,600 --> 01:18:19,809 Sherlock, the showing-off thing, we've discussed it before. 1464 01:18:22,000 --> 01:18:25,641 There is always a man at a wedding who is not in any photograph, 1465 01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:27,404 who can go anywhere, 1466 01:18:27,480 --> 01:18:30,006 even carry an equipment bag around with him if he likes. 1467 01:18:30,280 --> 01:18:32,521 And you never even see his face. 1468 01:18:32,600 --> 01:18:33,647 You only ever see... 1469 01:18:42,400 --> 01:18:43,640 the camera. 1470 01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:45,051 What are you doing? What is this? 1471 01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:47,851 Jonathan Small, today's substitute wedding photographer, 1472 01:18:47,920 --> 01:18:50,127 known to us as the Mayfly Man. 1473 01:18:50,640 --> 01:18:54,247 His brother was one of the raw recruits killed in that incursion. 1474 01:18:54,800 --> 01:18:56,370 Johnny sought revenge on Sholto, 1475 01:18:56,440 --> 01:19:00,047 worked his way through Sholto's staff, found what he needed. 1476 01:19:00,560 --> 01:19:02,449 An invitation to a wedding. 1477 01:19:02,520 --> 01:19:05,205 The one time Silo/to would have to be out in public. 1478 01:19:05,280 --> 01:19:07,089 So, he made his plan 1479 01:19:07,360 --> 01:19:09,408 and rehearsed the murder, 1480 01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:13,010 making sure of every last detail. 1481 01:19:26,440 --> 01:19:29,444 Brilliant, ruthless and almost certainly a monomaniac. 1482 01:19:29,520 --> 01:19:31,727 Though, in fairness, his photographs are actually quite good. 1483 01:19:32,040 --> 01:19:33,326 Everything you need's on that. 1484 01:19:33,720 --> 01:19:36,166 You probably ought to arrest him or something. 1485 01:19:37,600 --> 01:19:39,568 - Do you always carry handcuffs? - Down, girl. 1486 01:19:39,640 --> 01:19:40,641 Come on, quick. 1487 01:19:41,200 --> 01:19:42,850 It's not me you should be arresting, Mr Holmes. 1488 01:19:42,920 --> 01:19:45,526 Oh, I don't do the arresting, I just farm that out. 1489 01:19:45,600 --> 01:19:47,602 Sholto, he's the killer, not me. 1490 01:19:48,640 --> 01:19:50,130 I should have killed him quicker. 1491 01:19:52,920 --> 01:19:55,048 I shouldn't have tried to be clever. 1492 01:19:55,720 --> 01:19:57,722 You should have driven faster. 1493 01:20:07,320 --> 01:20:08,481 Right. 1494 01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:13,805 Really? 1495 01:21:16,680 --> 01:21:19,081 Whoo! Yeah! 1496 01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:21,683 Whoo! 1497 01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:29,321 Ladies and gentlemen, just one last thing 1498 01:21:29,400 --> 01:21:31,004 before the evening begins properly. 1499 01:21:31,080 --> 01:21:34,721 Apologies for earlier, a crisis arose and was dealt with. 1500 01:21:35,560 --> 01:21:38,882 More importantly, however, today we saw two people make vows. 1501 01:21:38,960 --> 01:21:41,770 I have never made a vow in my life and after tonight I never will again. 1502 01:21:41,840 --> 01:21:46,289 So, here in front of you all, my first and last vow. 1503 01:21:47,160 --> 01:21:48,525 Mary and John... 1504 01:21:49,840 --> 01:21:52,366 Whatever it takes, whatever happens, 1505 01:21:53,280 --> 01:21:57,888 from now on, I swear I will always be there, always, 1506 01:21:57,960 --> 01:21:59,724 for all three of you. 1507 01:21:59,800 --> 01:22:02,326 Uh, I'm sorry, I mean two of you. All two of you. 1508 01:22:02,400 --> 01:22:04,164 Both of you, in fact, I just miscounted. 1509 01:22:04,240 --> 01:22:07,722 Anyway, it's time for dancing. Play the music again, please. Thank you. 1510 01:22:07,800 --> 01:22:09,962 Okay everybody, just dance. Don't be shy. 1511 01:22:10,080 --> 01:22:12,128 - Dancing, please! Very good! 1512 01:22:12,560 --> 01:22:14,722 Sorry, that was one more deduction than I was really expecting. 1513 01:22:14,800 --> 01:22:16,529 - Deduction? - Increased appetite. 1514 01:22:16,600 --> 01:22:18,568 - I'm starving! - Change of taste perception. 1515 01:22:18,640 --> 01:22:20,847 Ugh, I chose this wine. It's bloody awful! 1516 01:22:20,920 --> 01:22:23,730 You were sick this morning. You assumed it was just wedding nerves. 1517 01:22:23,800 --> 01:22:25,723 You got angry with me when I mentioned it to you. 1518 01:22:25,800 --> 01:22:27,325 All the signs are there. 1519 01:22:27,520 --> 01:22:28,601 The signs? 1520 01:22:30,080 --> 01:22:32,162 - The signs of three. - What? 1521 01:22:32,840 --> 01:22:34,842 Mary, I think you should do a pregnancy test. 1522 01:22:37,240 --> 01:22:39,288 The statistics for the first trimester are... 1523 01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:40,441 Shut up! 1524 01:22:41,520 --> 01:22:43,727 - Just shut up. - Sorry. 1525 01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:47,327 How did he notice before me? I'm a bloody doctor. 1526 01:22:47,400 --> 01:22:48,765 - It's your day off. - It's your day off! 1527 01:22:48,840 --> 01:22:50,001 - Stop panicking. - I'm not panicking. 1528 01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:51,411 I'm pregnant, I'm panicking. 1529 01:22:51,480 --> 01:22:53,448 Don't panic. None of you panic. 1530 01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:56,050 Absolutely no reason to panic. 1531 01:22:56,520 --> 01:22:58,727 - Oh, and you'd know, of course? - Yes, I would. 1532 01:22:58,800 --> 01:23:00,211 You're already the best parents in the world, 1533 01:23:00,280 --> 01:23:01,486 look at all the practice you've had. 1534 01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:02,561 The practice? 1535 01:23:02,640 --> 01:23:03,801 Well, you're hardly going to need me around 1536 01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:05,723 now that you've got a real baby on the way. 1537 01:23:14,080 --> 01:23:15,923 - Are you all right? - Yeah! 1538 01:23:22,960 --> 01:23:24,246 - Dance! - Hmm? 1539 01:23:24,320 --> 01:23:26,402 Both of you now, go, dance. We can't just stand here, 1540 01:23:26,480 --> 01:23:27,606 people will wonder what we're talking about. 1541 01:23:28,160 --> 01:23:29,969 - Right. - What about you? 1542 01:23:30,040 --> 01:23:31,565 Well, we can't all three dance, there are limits. 1543 01:23:31,640 --> 01:23:33,802 - Yes, there are. 1544 01:23:33,880 --> 01:23:35,211 Come on, husband, let's go. 1545 01:23:35,440 --> 01:23:37,044 - This isn't a waltz, is it? - No. 1546 01:23:37,480 --> 01:23:38,970 Don't worry, Mary, I have been tutoring him. 1547 01:23:39,040 --> 01:23:40,929 He did, you know. Baker Street, behind closed curtains. 1548 01:23:41,000 --> 01:23:44,402 Mrs Hudson came in one time. Don't know how those rumours started. 113650