All language subtitles for S02E12

Let's go!

Angelina keeps hanging on me.

She's kissing me while her
soon to be husband

is standing right there.

This is crazy.

Jen just bounced on his ass.

[laughs]

[no audio]

♪ Here I come ♪

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under
construction.

This might not
have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day,
it'll be lit.

Get the frig out of here,
you crazy.

♪ Here I come ♪♪

♪♪

[snoring]

Oh, honey, what
a crazy evenings.

Mm. I'm ready
to leave Atlantic City.

Well, we're gonna have
breakfastes first
with the familys.

Okay.

And then we'll get out of heres.
And we'll go see Mosies.

Oh! Mosie.

[Pauly]
Even though we had some drama
on this trip,

I will have to say this A.C.
trip was a success.

DJ Pauly D, out.

Yeah, buddy!

♪♪

Did I go home
with you last night?

Yes.

I was rocked.

Yes. [laughing]

[Vinny]
Hey, Ron.

Oh, hey,
peacock.

You can currently tell Ron's
status by his hair.

[Mike]
You sure can.

If he was in a good status,

he'd have a comb-over right now,
all polished up.

[Lauren]
True.

[Jenni]
You all right?

Mm-hmm.

Nope.
Look at his hair.

Good morning, everyone.

Hello.Oh, my God,
it's Angeliners.

Morning, my love.[scattered chuckling]

I think you guys are
like closet swingers.

[Angelina]
Whoa!

This weekend was amazing.
I'm so happy that
I got to be invited.

I'm so thankful to Pauly.

I had an outstanding,
amazing time.

You know what?
I didn't expect

to like your fianceers
here as much as I do.

[Chris]
Thank you, I appreciate that.You know, so...

You guys are really cool too,
all of you. I had a lot of fun.

I love you, bitches.[Deena]
Bye, Jen.

Bye, Vajayjay.Bye.
Bye.

We'll see you at our house.
Wherever we decide to get one.Yeah.

Yep.

This summer
has been amazing.

We started in Vegas, we went
to Seaside, we went to A.C.

So now I feel like we should
keep this party going

and get another
house at the shore.

And, it's just gonna be
a good time, hopefully.

[Deena]
Jen and the baby were supposed
to come here in the morning.

We were supposed
to see the baby, but...

I guess that didn't happen.

I'm at a loss for words.
I don't know.

I don't know what
he's going through, so...

Hopefully they'll
be all right.

Yeah.Or hopefully
he'll be all right.

Yo, guys, I'm out.

[Angelina]
Bye, Ron.[Chris]
Bye.

Lemme roll.
Bye, had a good time.

Bye, nice
meeting you, bro.

Bye.Bye.

See you guys soon.

Heading out, things between me
and Jen didn't work out

the way I wanted to or hoped,

but it was still
a great weekend.

Bye.Bye.

I'll see you, man.

Chris, I'll see you soon.
Bye, Angelina.Bye.

♪♪

I'm able to control myself,
and she's the one that can't.

And it's like, I'm at a point
where I'm expecting

the absolute worst,
but I'm hoping for the best.

♪♪

[elevator]
Going down.

♪ Smile, the effects
last for awhile ♪

[Nicole]
Oh, she got packages.
Should we bring it in?

It's like Christmas
every time...

[Nicole]
Caro.

[Deena]
Hey!

Hey, mom.
How you feeling?

I'm okay.Did you miss me?

Yes.

Did you miss us?No.

So, Deena's been
on bed rest.

I've been worried about her,

so we're gonna
bring her breakfast,

and I'm gonna find out what
the hell happened in A.C.

How you feel?I'm okay.

Are you allowed to walk
from here to there?

Yes.Oh, yeah,
you wanna eat?

Sure.Yes.

[Deena]
After sitting in the house,
not really doing anything,

it's really nice that
Jenni and Nicole came over

and were just getting my mind
off of stuff.

Last week, I had a scare.

But, um-- see,
I get like emotional,

'cause it's, like, scary.

It's okay.

Oh, honey.Oh.

No, like, I just started
bleeding, but I'm fine.

[Nicole]
No, that is scary.

Honestly, the scariest
moment of my life.

I was a nervous wreck,

but Chris, he was like
so calm, thank God.

I just feel bad that you're--
you feel this way.

No, I know.

[Jenni]
I know she's petrified
of losing the baby.

I don't want her this emotional.
It's sad to see.

The baby's fine.

The doctor wanted
to put me on bed rest

until my follow-up appointment,
'cause I'm still spotting.

Um, but, you know, I'm just--
I just think it might be better

for me not
to live in the house.

But, I'll-- like, I would love
to come and visit you guys,

and like, maybe me and Chris
will come down...

[Jenni]
Of course....for a weekend or something.

[Nicole]
I totally get it,
because I was pregnant once.

But like selfish me is like,
"Come on, girl.

You could lay in bed all day."

As long as I see your face,
I'm not gonna miss you.

When Pauly was deejaying,
he was like, "I miss Nicole."

Wah!

How was it?
What I miss?

[chuckles] Vinny and Chris
got really, really close.

Eww.Like, weirdly close.

Angelina's Chris
might be a cuckolder.

They might even want
to have a threesome.

Freaking Angelina--[Jenni]
Eww.

They're like sandwiching her.Sandwiching.

Whoo!Whoo!

It was like a dirty
Staten Island sandwich.

That's disgusting.Like, disgusting. [laughing]

[Jenni]
The whole thing's
just weird to me.

I feel like Angelina and Vinny
are gonna do sex

in the next shore house.

I just don't know if Chris
is gonna be there watching,

or participating.

And I don't even know
if Vinny would or not.

I feel like he's, like,
intrigued by this.I feel like he would.

[Jenni]
I feel like he would
to prove a point.

Vinny's penis is like six
degrees of Kevin Bacon.

What's that mean?

Yeah, I don't know
what that means.

Oh, my God.

I know who Kevin Bacon is,
but why six degrees?

It basically means, no matter
where you go in this world,

Vinny's [bleep]
was part of it.[Nicole] Eww.

I don't know what that has
to do with Kevin Bacon, but...

[Jenni]
Oh, my gosh!

♪♪

Chris, I think
I'm gonna go to

another shore house
with the roomies.

That would be cool, right?Yeah.

Would you come visit?
You had fun in A.C.

I did have fun.
The guys were cool.

Vinny's cool.Yeah, I loved
all of 'em.

You guys actually had,
like, a connection.

I was like, "Wow, I didn't
think that was gonna happen."Yeah, he was cool.

I feel like I'm kind
of jealous about
Chris and Vinny's relationship.

It's like, Chris,
you come in out of nowhere

and you have like this great
relationship with Vinny.

I'm trying to get
Vinny to actually like me

for all these months,
and it's like,

he doesn't
like me for [bleep].

When you were out having
your guys' day,

did you guys talk about
anything, like, serious or no?

Vinny was saying something like,
"You seem like a normal guy.

So why are you gonna
marry Angelina for?"

Why is he asking
you that?

Because he
secretly loves me.

Ah, back to this.And you know what?

I don't blame him for loving me,
because he should love me.

How do we keep coming back
to the same topic?

Maybe you're
in love with him,

'cause every time we talk--
Every time we talk about
something,Chris, shut up.

Eww, gross.
Hell, no.it keeps coming back
to Vinny.

You're an ass.

It's a typical night.

Obviously, me and Chris can
never sit down at a dinner table

without some form of fighting.

I mean, we're, like,
disastrous together.

It's bull[bleep].

♪♪

Oh, my God, how does this work?
Woo-hoo-hoo!

Oh, my God.

I hate those circle things.

[muttering][line ringing]

Ronaldo! Tremestizo!
Where are you?

Just landed. Where are you?

I'm driving to the house right
now and I'm so nervous,

because you [bleep]holes
put me in charge of this

and I don't know if it's
gonna be pretty or not.

I'm usually good with
responsibility.

I have two kids,
they're still alive.

Everything's going good.

But, like, finding
a house and stuff,

like I'm nervous about that.

What, did you look it up blindfolded?

Well, I went on Craigslist.
It could be a murder house.
I don't know.

"The Shining at the Shore"?

I just want our house
to be amazing.

We gotta have fun.

And, it wouldn't be an official
"Jersey Shore" vacation

unless you live
on the water.

You have a boat,
you have a jet ski.

That's how it feels.

Oh, my God,
that's you![Ronnie laughing]

Psycho.

All right, send me the address

and I'll see you in a little bit.

All right, I'll see you
in a little bit. Love you!

All right. Love you, bye.Bye.

Oh, my God, he is the guy
from "Shining."

For sure.

♪♪

Ooh-hoo!

Fancy!

Right when I drive up to the
house, oh, my God, gorgeous!

This house is amazing.
I hope the roomies love it.

Come on, Ducky,
let's go check our "housy" out.

Ooh!

Oh, wow. Wow!

Oh, this is a mansion.

Ducky, do you like
our new house?

He loves it.
He's smiling.

Hi!

Here, you can play
with each other.

Ooh, this is
the girls' room!

Because I found this house.

I did a great job.
Thank you!

[gasps]

Look at that pool!
Oh, my God!

This house is dope.

I'm so proud of myself.
It's so pretty!

I found this house.
It's beautiful.

I killed this [bleep]! But
where's-- where's the beach?

We're not on the ocean.

There's no beach.
The backyard is beautiful.

It goes for miles and miles.
But there's no beach.

Hello?
Where is the beach?

Whoa.
Where's the beach?

Beach!

Where's the beach?
Where's the beach?!

There's no beach.
No waves, no sand, no boats.

[chuckles] [bleep] me.

Ah!
Good job, Nicole.

Where's the beach?!

How's everything
with you and Jen?

It's good.

Ron's one of my best friends,

and I know he's dying inside
with Jen.

Is that before or after she
dragged you in the car?

♪♪

Where's the beach?!

No waves, no sand, no boats.

Ah! Good job, Nicole.

Oh...

I'm stealing this.
And that.

Where's my friends?

[line ringing]

Hello?Ronaldo?

Hello?

Ew, where are you?

Who's this, Nicole?Yeah, you freak.

Well, why are you calling me
from this creepy number?

Because I'm
at the house, bitch!

Where are you?
Come here now.

You wanna go straight
to the beach?

The beach?

Um... it's like right here.
You're gonna love it.

All right, bye.Bye.

[bleep].

Oopsie.

[bleep] my life. [chuckles]

♪♪

[gasps]

I see a car.

Right when I see Ron,
if we lock eyes, I wanna spiral.

We're the Spiral Squad.

[laughing]

[snorts] Cheers.

Oh!

♪ These steps feel better ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪Whoo!

[Nicole]
[gasps] It's happening.

Hello?Hello.

Welcome to my mansion.

You did good.I know!
I killed it.

♪ Welcome back home... ♪

Wow.

I feel like this
is a "home" home.

Yeah, this is nice.
It's so beautif--

Do you wanna
see the backyard?Yeah.

So, the backyard
is gorgeous.

Oh, wow.
This is really nice.

And the beach is,
like, back there.

Beautiful house, check.
Pool, check.

Beach?

[sighs] Oh, Nicole.

Like, back there.

[laughing] Behind the trees?Like, back there!

Over the highway. [laughing]Over there.

Through the woods.The beach...

Where's the beach?It's a very nice house.

Where's the beach?I don't know!

Where's the beach?I don't know
where the beach is.

That clock's wrong.

Do, do.
That time.[beeping]

[bleep] off.[beeping]

Settings... clock.[beeping]

Oh, I hate you.
This is too rich for me.

I don't know how to use this.[beeping]

This house is too bougie.

Like, I have a bougie house,

but I know how to, like,
use my oven and the clock.

What are you doing?
It sounds like you're...

The clock's wrong....setting up a bomb.

[beeping]That's cook time.

Oh! [laughing]Der!

Oh, my God.

Cook time is when it cook--
when you're cooking it.

The kitchen timer
is the time on the--

Just stop.
You're lying.

On the thing.

No, then it's gonna
count down, like a bomb.

No it's not.See?!

[Ronnie laughing]Is it going down?

No, it went up.
It went up.What?

One time, Nicole's like,
"Ron, you know what
I majored in in college."

And I'm just like...
you went to college?

This is a timer.
I need--

Who cooks at home?I need to put the time on.

You or Jionni?I do! But I've never seen this.

An oven? [chuckles]

She's like, "Yeah,
I was gonna be a vet tech."

And I was like,
"Oh, that's right."

[Nicole]
Let's get drunk.

[chuckling]

All right,
I guess I'll make this.

It's our first night
in the house,

and we're not gonna
have all the roomies,

so I feel like we should
take advantage of it.

So, you wanna--I'm getting drunk.

That's what you do
when all the roommates are here.

[blender whirring]

Ron, stop! I think
you fill it too high.

God, you're
like an infant.

[laughing]

[chuckles] Every time.

Come on!
The crumb cake!

Just don't tell Mike.Oh, my God.

"You're gonna
dirty the house

and get the 'Ron Ron Juice'
all over the walls!"

I'm like, "Nicole,
I've been doing this since
you had a poof. Relax."

[Nicole screams]

Ron!

You're so annoying.Think it's ready.

On three--
one, two, three.

Spiral Squad.
We're gonna do some
[bleep] tonight.

Let's do this.
Spiral Squad.Whoo!

Burnin' [bleep] down.

I think we should
go to dinner, get drunk,

and then have Angelina
come when we get back.

I'm super excited
for her to get here.

She's such a good time.

Cheers.
Ron Ron Juice.Cheers.

Shore house.Whoo! I'm scared.

♪ Oh-no ♪

♪ Oh-no ♪

♪ Oh-no, oh-no,
oh-no ♪

♪ Oh-no, oh-no, oh-no ♪

Let's get the
[bleep] out of here.

[vehicle honking]I said-- Oh, my God,
is he beeping?

Oh, hold your horses!

♪ Oh-no, no, no, no, no... ♪

Were you beeping?Were you beeping?

[honking]How dramatic.

[honking]

What are you, my dad?

Oh, I feel drunk.

Lightweight.

♪♪

[Nicole]
Look at all these hos.[Ronnie]
So stupid.

Okay. Thank you.

Hello.
How are you?

Hi, how are you?

Good.
Anything to drink?

A double Tito's
with seltzer, please.

Double Tito's seltzer.

So, honestly, I haven't talked
to Ronnie in a while.

I know a lot went down.

I feel like we need a little
time to, like, be like,

"Bro, are you all right?
What's going on here?"

How's everything
with you and Jen?

It's good.
Right now--
It's better than it was.

Is it?

Yeah.
It is.

Obviously, since
I saw you in Vegas,

a lot of stuff has happened.

But, we've been
good lately, you know?

We've been calm, cordial.

Is that before or after she
dragged you in the car?

[Angelina]
Yes![Vinny]
Yay!

[Mike]
Oh!Yes!

Whoa! Goodness graciouses.
I gave it a 10!

We got a 1.

We got a 1!

♪♪

How's everything
with you and Jen?

It's good.

Is it?

Yeah.
It is.

Is that before or after she
dragged you in the car?

Obviously, since
I saw you in Vegas,

a lot of stuff has happened,
so... it's better than it was.

Why would you stay with her
when she tried to kill you?

Nicole's like my sister,
you know, and I told Nicole,

if you want to know
something that happened

or what you heard about,

just hit me up
and I'll tell you the truth.

They made it seem
worse than it really was.

So, what actually
happened then?

We just got into
an argument over nothing.

She was like,
"Get out the car!

I got out the car,
and I went to go talk to her

and she drove off, thinking that
the door was gonna shut.

And I held on to the door,
and I fell, basically.

And then everyone
just made it seem worse.

Like, everything I did was
literally on TMZ for awhile.

If I [bleep] opened the door,
"Ronnie Opens Door!"

You know, the news
and these magazines,

they only report negative stuff.

They're gonna make it sound so
much more worse

so that people
are more interested.

It's like a car accident,
you know.

People don't want to look, but
they're gonna look, ya know?

It's like, "Oh, [bleep],
I don't want to look..."

I just let people think
what they wanna think,
and it is what it is.

I know what happened,
you know.

Right now,
I'm focused on the baby

and gonna enjoy the vacation
with you guys and go home

and do what I have to do
for myself and the baby.

Everything with Jen will
fall into place eventually.

Well, I don't want to judge
on your relationship,

but I don't think you guys
have a healthy one.

Oh, it's not health-- it wasn't
healthy before, for sure.

So as of right now,
you're still with her?

Yeah, we're still together,
takin' it day by day.
That's all we can do.

Honestly, I love you Ron,
but for the baby's sake,

go to couples therapy,
fix yourselves,

and be a good
parent to your baby.

Be good for the baby.

I just hope,
as a friend,

you and Jen aren't
in the news like that again.

Me too.

And like violent, and like
scary, and-- for your sake,

for the baby's sake,
it's just like-- it's...

Forever insanity....not a good look,
and it's scary, and...

Yeah, I'm the one it,
so I know.I know.

♪ Let go... ♪

Listen, we've dealt with enough
drama this year, you know.

I wanna come in here
and have a good time,

and I want my roommates
to have a good time, you know?

And that's the mentality
that I have.

I wanna dance.
Let's go to the bar.

You ready?
Cab's here.

Thank you, man, appreciate it.
Have a great day.

[woman]
Good night.[Nicole]
Thanks, guys.

[Ronnie]
Thank you.
Bye, good night.

♪♪

That dessert killed me.You're sitting like a dad.

'Cause I'm [bleep] full.

Whoo! I'm excited, whoo!

♪♪

Cheers!

Ooh, Spiral Squad.

We're here to get away from our
problems, so let's have fun,

let's enjoy ourselves,
and let's get drunk.

Spiral Squad is in mode--
is in mode-- is in mode.

Spiral Squad is living
right now.

I'm dancing,
I'm having a good time.

We're taking over this club,
and I feel great.

[phone ringing]

Hello?[Nicole]
Hey, girl!

What are you doing?I'm on my way.
I'm in the cab.

So, don't go to
the house first?

I have all of my stuff,
all my luggage in the cab.

I feel like,
with me and Chris,

we have a lot
of stuff to talk about,

because we are very bad
right now.

But this is my vacation right
now, away from my other life.

Let me give him some space.
Let me get some space.

Hopefully, it will make all this
drama go away for a little bit.

All right, I'll see you
in a little bit.

Spiral time.
See you. Bye.

All right, I love you. Bye.

♪ In the VIP, we'll be screaming
at the top of our lungs ♪

♪ Lung, lungs ♪

♪ We don't ever have
to breathe ♪

♪ 'Cause the music
and the beat is a drug ♪

♪ Drug, drug ♪What was that?

[laughing]♪ And we're never
going to leave ♪

♪ 'Cause you know we got
the keys to the club ♪

♪ Club, club ♪

♪ All we want to do ♪

♪ All we want to do
is make love, love, love ♪♪

Thank you.

[sighs]

Look at my life right now.
Like, only me. Oh!

[dubstep playing]

Come on. Ohh!

Oh, my God!

There's really no cool way

to walk luggage into a club,
especially Teak.

[Nicole]
Angelina is walking into
the club with her luggage.

Bitch, I love her.
She's such a [bleep] mess.

Yes! My God!
[laughter]

I love her.
She gives me life.

[Ronnie]
Angeliner.

Yo, look at my luggage,
girl!

I'm just happy
they're not garbage bags.

I'm ready to party,
get drunk, get wasted.

I'm really excited to turn up
with them tonight.

Let's go.

Wait, what?

[Nicole]
Ron, you have my bag?

Yep.

Thank you!

I'm passing.

[Ronnie laughing]

She passed out?Yeah, she's done.

She died like four hours ago.
She was just in zombie mode.

[Angelina]
Oh! Is this the house?
Whoa, it's huge!

It's like a castle.

We pull up to the house,
and it's beautiful.

Like, Nicole actually
did a really good job.

Let's go, Nicole.

[slurring]
No, stay here.

Come on, mama.
Come on.

Bitch, stay here.

Nicole, we need
to get out of the cab.

[Ronnie]
We're here.
Let's go to bed.

Bitch, you're here!

Yeah, I am!

Come on, let's go.

I'll remember not to be
friends with you.
Thank you.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Come on, let's help you
up the stairs.

Ooh! Come on, girl.

[bleep] you all!
I'm going.

[phone beeping]

[Chris]
Hello.

Hey.

Yes.

What time is it?

I don't know.
Where'd you go?

Someplace in Red Bank.

Oh, yeah? All right.
Call me tomorrow.

Why do you sound like
you're, like, pissed?

I don't know. I was sleeping.
What do you want me to say?

Where?

Where do you think?

At work.

Yes!

Oh, all right. God.

[Angelina]
All right, cranky.

So call me tomorrow.

[yawning]
Okay.

Goodbye, "cranky pants."

Bye.Bye.

♪ It's been a long,
long time coming ♪

♪ This mountain
won't climb itself ♪

♪ Hey, it's one foot in front
of the other and together... ♪

[Ronnie]
Me and Nicole actually
didn't burn down the house.

We didn't kill anybody.
And we made it home alive.

First night, Spiral Squad,
was a success.

♪♪

We should get up,
it's 11:30.Nicole!

What?

You were "drunky pants."

I don't even remember
getting into my bed.

So, waking up this morning,
I'm like,

"Oh, God, I feel like
a bag of [bleep]."

I tried to spoon
with you, Nicole.

Eww! We're not there yet.

I thought maybe
you woke up

and you thought
I was gonna piss
in your bed or something.

Why did this happen?

I love Angeliner, but just
give me a second to regroup.

I was like, "I'm fine.
I'm really not gonna pee
in your bed. I promise."

And I-- And I--

What are you, "Floribama?"

They pee in
each other's beds.

[chuckling]

[Ronnie]
What's up?

Wait, so, they're gonna
get here in an hour.

I want to do, like,
the spread we talked about.

So, I'm super excited
for the roomies to come.

They're gonna walk in to,
like, a gorgeous house,

obviously, that I found.

And it's just gonna be like
a fun, cute party...

that lasts ten days.

Let's do it.

♪♪

Ooh. All right.

Manalapan, here we come.
[chuckling]

Fun little fact,
BDS is from Manalapan.

I know.And the prodigal son
has returned.

I am back, and it's time
to bring greatness back
to the land.

I thought you were
banned from there?

Um, no, no. That was probably
a couple of years ago

that they banned me,
possibly.

♪ This one for my soldiers
in the field, bruh ♪

♪ All my women that kept it
more than real, yuh ♪

♪ Know the streets... ♪

[Angelina]
Well, that was fun last night.

I knew right when
I walked in there

that Nicole was drunk
by her smiling.

Yeah, she was wasted
last night, for real.

And then when she was
sleeping, she scared me

'cause she sleeps with,
like, one eyeball open.

So she's like this?

Why does she sleep
like that?

That's so creepy, though.
I was like, is she all right?

What happened with Chris
last night?

Oh, my God, he was
being an ass[bleep].

I don't know,
I guess all the garbage bags
are going to his head.

[chuckling]
Uh-oh.

Last night I wanted
to [bleep] take a garbage bag
and put it over his head.

You guys fighting before that?
Or you just called him
and he was just like...

We fight.Everybody fights.
I mean, that's a given.

Yeah, but he gets nasty, like,
I think he's too comfortable.

I do love Chris a lot, but,
like, I don't feel like

it's healthy to fight
with somebody this much.

How we gonna, like, last
forever, you know what I mean?

It's a little concerning to me.

[Nicole]
I think we should do
a pool party.

I was just asking her
about Chris.

Oh, yeah.
What happened with that?

You know how like
sometimes when you
become too comfortable,

like, you talk to somebody
a little nasty?

You think you're allowed.
It's like that.

It's called marriage.

[Ronnie, laughing]
Yeah, it's called
being engaged.

[Nicole]
Yeah, it's called
relationships.

No! I mean, like,
I don't want to deal with
that for the rest of my life.

[Ronnie]
Then you gotta tell him that.

You're not fighting over
something huge like that,

you're fighting over
something that's just so minor.

When I'm giving Angelina
relationship advice,

that's when you know your
relationship is [bleep] up.

It's normal to fight.

If you don't fight,
that's not normal.

If you don't fight,
that means you hate
each other...
Yeah.

...and you just
don't give a [bleep].

That's basically
what it comes down--

Ron, don't give Angelina
relationship advice. Stop.

I don't know.
We'll see what happens.

I think you
need to chill.

And you're not even
drunk yet.

Oh.
[Nicole]
Let's get drunk.

[laughing]
You're not even drunk yet!

When are the roomies coming?
I want to do my spread.

♪♪

You excited to see
your girl, Angeliner?

To be honest with ya,
Angelina is fun.

And, also,
she doesn't mess with me.

She messes with, like--
actually, you.

[both chuckling]

Angelina's nervous.
She wants to be hot for Vinny.

For Vinny?

Yeah. She keeps
changing her outfit.

♪ I know that you
want it, baby ♪

♪ And I know that
you want it, daddy ♪

♪ It's gonna drive ya crazy ♪

Oh, yeah.

Maybe they should just bang
and get it over with.

[laughing]

Any time I'm with Angelina
alone, she brings up Vinny.

Do you think Vinny likes me?
He should just confess--

Where are you going,
you [bleep] whore?

He should just confess
his love to me, Nicole.

I hate everyone.
That's why I said,

you should sleep
with him to see.

I'd probably throw up.

You didn't throw up
the first time.

And honestly,
like, it's annoying.

Like, girl, just
bang the kid already,

'cause I don't want
to keep hearing it.

Bang him, punch him in the face,
and let's move on from it.

Could we
make that happen?

We could try.

Yeah, let's have it
our mission.

She constantly
messes with you.All the time.

I think there's
a little crush
going on there.

I think so too.And, I've heard some news
that she's a secret...

Cucker.Cucker in the area.

"Swangers."

Which is, uh...
"Swangers," yeah.

♪ Can't wait to have
Ron-Ron Juice ♪It's happening.

It's happening.♪ Can't wait to have
Ron-Ron Juice ♪

♪♪

Dope!Man!

Yo, look at this house.

A Jersey mansion.
Mansions, kid!

Mansions, kid!

This house is definitely, like,
on some grown-up [bleep],

with, like, landscaping
and people trimming the hedges.

It's like, this is an adult
house. Like, we are adults.

Aaaah!

[screams]

Yay!

[Angelina]
Who is that?

[all cheering]

What's up? "Vitos" is here.

BDS in the house!

And we love
this house, yo.

Yeah, it's so dope.

This is how you get
a shore house.

Who picked
this house out?

I did.I heard you did.

Whoo!Did I kill it?

This is dope!

[Vinny]
Hey, Ron. Oh!

Ron's hair is done nice.

Yes.He's in a good state.

[Vinny]
Ronnie is kinda
like Humpty Dumpty.

He falls, he's shattered.

You got like an eyeball here,
an eyeball there.

And you think this [bleep]

is never gonna be
put back together again,

and then you see him and he's
like perfectly combed over.

This [bleep] is like
a Humpty Dumpty on steroids.

[Angelina]
Mike, look at all
this food for you.

[Nicole]
Yeah, Mike, we made
some foods for you.

You know, I'll be
honest with you, I actually
lost a couple pounds.

You lost five to seven?

Five, seven, yeah.Five to seven.

Good observation.
Five to seven, I did.

[imitating Mike]
"Well, I've been on my diet
for three weeks,

and I lost five to seven."

I'm like, I feel like
he always loses five to seven,

but then he gains 15 to 20.

I'm hoping to stay
on the diet.

So, then, what are we
gonna do with all these?

Oh, but he can
cheat, though.

One cheat day?
One cheat day.

One cheat meal a day.
[laughing]

How's Chris, Angeliners?He's good.

Do you know, there's
a rumor out on the street
about you, right?

Ooh!

Wait, what's the rumor?

That you and Chris

are secret cuckers
out on these streets.

[Ronnie]
Oh, I heard that.Did you hear that too?

I don't even know what
the word "cuckold" means,
nor do I wanna know.

I would cuck you.Yeah.

Would you bang her
and let Chris watch?

Yeah,
I'd cuck Angelina.

Ahh!Ohh!

What's happening?

That's called a swinger.
You are [bleep] swingers.

Chris would probably
give me a pass.

Oh, absolutely.

I think he's a freak
and he just,

like, doesn't
want to tell us.

Oh, he's totally a freak.Oh, everyone knows that.

Well, that's news to me because
when I did that with you,

you were not a freak,
so where would you--

[all]
Ooh!

[Ronnie]
She said you did missionary
and you were boring.

[all shouting]

[Ronnie]
She said you
starfished her.

[laughter]

Angelina...What?

Can you please wash me a dish
and bring it to me? Thank you.

I think Vinny
is totally in love with me

because I remind him
of his mommy.

Vin! I don't know why you don't
pick up the phone, honey.

Annoying! Shut the [bleep] up.
I'll throw a broccoli at you.

We've literally been here
12 minutes, and I'm scared.

We have to pay this bill
and get out

before somebody gets arrested.

And now I'm gonna fight.
Whoo!

[laughing]

♪♪

[Mike]
What are you doing,
unpacking?

[Vinny]
Yeah.

Uh, what are you
in the mood to eat tonight?

Wonder if I'm in
ketosis right now.
Should we check?

Yes, let's check.

I need a little--
I need a little cup.

I am very Keto Guido,
and I have these keto testers,

where you pee on a strip

to see how much ketones
I have in my blood.

But you have
to bring it out here.

We have to make sure
that this is legit.

I'm finishing up my pee.

Listen, I might have
to come in there and--

Be my P.O.?and make sure that this
is actually your urine,

because to be honest,
I'm used to things like this.

If I know the ins and outs of
anything, okay, it's a pee test.

A small trace.

That is keto-- bro.

You are not in ketosis
right now.Bro...

These tests definitely don't
tell if you're pregnant,

but they test
if you are in ketosis.

The darker it is, the more
in ketosis you are.

I don't know if I can call you
the Keto Guido any more.

Bro-- how dare you?You can't even pass a test?

I did pass it.

[whispering]
Lies. Lies!

The waters are very
muddy right now and...

Listen, these tests aren't
always accurate, all right?

[laughing]

The man's not in ketosis.

The proof is in the pudding.
And he's had some pudding, guys.

I gotta test this tomorrow.
[chuckles]

[Nicole]
Ron!

[Ronnie]
Hmm?

[Nicole]
Starving.

[Ronnie]
Put the hot dogs on.

[Mike]
Very impressed with
this spread here, guys.

I'm very impressed with this.

Angelina...What?

Can you please wash me a dish
and bring it to me? Thank you.

Excuse you.

You could do this one,

but just make sure
it's clean, please.

[Angelina]
I think Vinny is totally
in love with me

because I remind him
of his mommy.

I'm from Staten Island,
his mom's from Staten Island.

I'm Italian, his mom's Italian.

I clean his plate,
his mom cleans his plate.

I am basically like
looking at his mom.

Vin! I don't know why you don't
pick up the phone, honey.

[laughter]

Come on, sit next to me,
Angelina.

Since we're gonna, you know...
[trails off]

[Ronnie]
Bang.

[laughter]

Just do it. Just [bleep]!

Angelina wants to go
on the slide with you.

Come on, Angelina, let's--
let's go slide together.

[Mike]
He wants to slide
through that hallway.

Wait, what?

[laughter]Like a hot dog in a bun.

[Nicole]
You're talking
about your vagina.

You're saying you're loose.

Having sex with
Angelina is like...

[rattles]

Oh, my God!

[Angelina]
You broke it, ass[bleep]!

There's a deposit on
this house, by the way.

[Vinny]
Let's go in the pool.

♪♪

[Vinny]
Ooh, this is nice!

Mike, come on.

BDS...

That'll be some
real BDS.

...is the official lifeguard.

Right now, Big Daddy Sitch
is the lifeguard,

but hopefully
they don't need my help,

'cause I'm actually
not jumping in.

[Angelina]
Come on, Nicole,
let's go down the slide.

[both screaming]

Come on, Ron!

[Ronnie]
Oh, [bleep]!
Do a backflip.

I'll do a backflip.

[Mike]
Uh, wha-- what are you doing?

Safety first here.

[bleep]

[Mike]
Ohh!Cool!

Wow.

[Nicole]
I'm a cheerleader, bitch.

[bleep]Yay!

[all]
Ohh!

[Mike]
Ohh. Goodness "graciouses."

I'd have to give that...
I gave it a 10!

Ooh!

I wanna try it.

[Mike]
What the...

Oh, God.

What the [bleep] was that?

Oww!

That was a 5.

Come on, Vin,
do a backflip.

Wait![laughter]

[Mike]
What the hell was that?

Just grab your legs
and you're fine.

No...

[laughter]

Boy.Oh, wow.

[Vinny]
I kinda am realizing

that I'm not a great diver.

We got a 1. We got a 1!

I mean, I'm a guido.
I'll flip someone off, like,

"Yo! What the [bleep]
you lookin' at?"

But, like,
I'm not doing a flip.

[Ronnie]
Now do that thing. Hey...

[laughter]

[Mike]
Wow! Whoa.

That was very unathletic.

Listen, I am embarrassed
for the Keto Guido right now.

Get your [bleep] together!

[Vinny shrieks]

That was a solid 2.

♪♪

[Jenni]
This is insane. Where are we?

We've never given Nicole this
much responsibility before,

so for all I know, we could
end up in Munchkin Land.

I'm a little worried.

Yes, Nicole!

Look at this.

Yeah, girl!

Oh, my God, Nicole!

This house is
[bleep] phenomenal.

I'm home!

[gasps]

Aah! Whoo!

Hi!Whee!

[Mike]
Oh, my God, Jenni!

[Vinny]
Oh, [bleep].My boo is here!

Do you wanna
see our room?

Yeah, show me everything.

Ron gives
the best tours.

Oh, [bleep] you.

[laughing]

I'm really glad
my best friend's here.

Moms gone wild!

Ew, I jizzed.
[sputters]

[Vinny]
All right, what's the plan?

We're gonna go
to Char for dinner.

Oh, my God,
I love that place!Yeah.

All right, I guess
I'll get dressed.

Yeah, let me, like,
blow-dry this really quick.

[blow dryer whirring]

[Ronnie]
You guys missed
the conversation

between Angeliner and Chris
last night.

They're, like, beefin' bad.

Wait a second,
are you saying

Angelina's engagement
might fail?

Right.[Vinny]
No.

I don't believe it.No way!

[Vinny]
Men have battled
with this question

throughout history.

It was written
in the Dead Sea scrolls.

You can't turn a hamster
into a housewife.

So, if Chris
is on his way out,

that means you're
on your way in.Shut up.

Is that when you're
gonna slide into her DM?

Yeah!Yeah, he's gonna
slide into her DM.

♪ I've been waiting for
this moment for so long ♪

Car's here.

Angeliner!

Coming, coming, coming, coming.
Let's go.

♪♪

[Angelina]
Mike's buyin'!

[Nicole]
Mike's paying for it.

I know Mike's excited.

Ooh! Seafood tower.

Angelina, how's your
night going so far, dear?

What the hell?
"Dear"?

Are you flirting?

Oh, he's flirting!No.

You're flirting with me.

I'm saying, how's
your night going, dear?

It's great, babe.

All right. "Dear"
is different than "babe."

No, "babe" is the same
as "dear," by the way.

You guys should [bleep].

Can we watch?Nicole, we're in
a family restaurant.

[Mike]
Angeliners...Yes?

How's, uh, Chris?

[laughter]

[Angelina]
He's good.

He's good?Mm-hmm.

[Vinny]
Oh, my God,
look at that.

[Mike]
Wow!Jenni, look at this.

[Nicole]
That's, like, not the food
that I want.

I'm like Pauly,
I don't like fish.

I'm gettin' drunk.

[Angelina]
So, we show up
to the restaurant.

It's very classy.

And all of a sudden
I turn to my right,

and Nicole is
pounding vodka sodas.

[Nicole, slurring]
I'm gonna get [bleep] up, bitch!

[Angelina laughing]

[Ronnie]
Wow...

[Angelina]
What the hell was that?

Oh, Marone, calm down.

What are you,
a [bleep] cheese maker?

[laughing]
What? A cheeseburger?

I'm losing my speech.
It's happening. I'm stuttering.

[Ronnie]
I'm so, so hungry.

Eww! You lookin'
crazy right now.

[all chuckling]

[slurping]

God, I am--
I'm drunk, bitch.

What do you want from me?

Is there food that,
like, I can eat?

What do you mean?I'm hungry.

[Vinny]
Want some lobster?

I don't eat that!

I'm sorry, I don't
like [bleep] fish.

[all chuckling]

"Dren" has arrived at dinner.

I haven't seen Dren
make an appearance at dinner

in a long time.

Now the vacation
has begun.

Sir? Can she have a--
some sort of chicken?

Or bread?
You gotta eat something.

[slurring] I-I just
want asparagus.

[waiter]
Just asparagus?Yes.

You got it.

I don't know.
I just love asparagus.

Especially when I get drunk,
I just want asparagus.

Whoo!Yeah, girl!

Yes, bitch!

I'll be right back
with that chicken, okay?

Ooh, it's hot. Whoo!

I think it's so good.
I would love asparagus now.

So... I just want asparagus.

[Ronnie, chuckling]
Oh, my God.

Oh, I'd love a pretzel bread.

Are any of them made
from, like, almond flour

or grain-free?

No, thank you.

Calm down, Vinny,
you [bleep] wiener cleaner.

[mouth full]
Why are you so dramatic
on your [bleep] diet?

[chuckling]

[Vinny]
The Snooki Monster is

turning into more
of a gremlin as we speak.

Like, at this point, no one
is safe around the Snooki.

[Nicole]
You look like a troll.

[Mike]
Wow...
[Ronnie]
Ooh!

A troll?Hi, Dren.

Welcome to the party.

[Nicole]
Shut up, bitch.

We've literally been here
12 minutes, and I'm scared.

We have to pay this bill
and get out

before somebody
gets arrested.

Do you want more
than asparagus?

No. Now I'm gonna fight.
Whoo!

[laughing]

♪♪

[Mike]
Is she drinking--
Is that wine or water?

[Nicole]
I'm doing it!

[mocking her]
"I'm doing it!"

Mike, this is me.
This is me!

This is what you get.
This is it.

It's me! I'm doing it.

This is me! Let me live!
This is me!

Yaaagh!

[Vinny]
No one's safe.

[Ronnie, laughing]
"No one's safe."

[laughter]

[Jenni]
This is classic Nicole
right now.

She drinks, drinks,
drinks, boom!

Ready to rage.

And I'm just like,
"Oh, we're back. Let's do this."

I'm sorry, I'm not--

[Vinny]
Perfect.This is it.

[Ronnie, laughing]
"This is it!"

This is what you got.[laughter]

This is what you got,
bitch.

I'm sorry, this is it.
I'm not feeling it.

This is what I love.This is what
you got, bitch.

[Jenni]
I would say we're
out with the Snooki

and in with the Dren.

Now I feel like
we're on vacation.

[Nicole]
I love you so much.

I love you so much.

I will [bleep] you.

[laughing]

Whoa!

[Mike]
All right.

All right,
I'll allow it.

[laughter]

Judges? Judges?

Ten!
[laughing]

[Mike]
Dren is Snookie's alter ego

when she gets drunk.

When Dren joins the party,

there is... there's no telling
what you're gonna get.

What is
happening there?

[laughing]
I don't know.What is happening?

I don't know.Excuse me!

I don't know.What is happening
over there?

Nicole. Nicole.
Nicole, sit down.

[Nicole]
[bleep] off.

[Vinny]
Now the Snookie Monster
is dancing.

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa!

[Ronnie, laughing]
What music is she
listening to?

Come on, girl!

[Vinny]
She's in another...

She's in another realm.
She's in the Matrix right now.

I think it's
that lunar eclipse.

I don't know
what's going on,

but I'm like,
you know what?

We're on vacation.
[bleep] it. Let's go.

[Nicole]
Whoo!

[Mike]
Whoops. We never
come back here again.

[Ronnie, laughing]
Yeah.

Where's the beach?

[laughing]
Yeah, we're at
that point now.

Where's the beach!?

Right there.
Where else would it be?

[Nicole]
Oh, my God. I wanna go
to the beach so bad.

Word. Word. Yes. Yaas!

Times have not changed, at all.

It's like a beautiful disaster.

[clears throat]
Yeah.

[Ronnie laughing]

Stop! Nicole.

Annoying.
Shut the [bleep] up.

I'll throw a broccoli at you!

[Vinny, chuckling]
This is what I went
on vacation for.

I have a feeling
this is gonna be kind of
a theme of the vacation.

Whoo!

Check, please.

All right. Let me just
drink a little bit more,

and then I'll go.
Come on, girls.

[Mike]
I actually wanted
to try the broccoli.