Original subtitles

The door's open, come in.

All I ask is an actor just to stand

on his two feet, and look what happens.

- How much film we got left? - Thirty seconds.

There's a mic shadow there, now, get rid of the mic shadow.

Ya see it?

Frank's a little off his Mark, have him move to the right.

A little right, frank, a little to the right.

He's moving to the left. Can't you see

he's moving to the left? Have him move to the right.

Hold it! Hold it!

Elliott, it's going fine. Take it easy.

Please, I can't see the second gun. Now, where's the second gun?

Well, it's on the table behind the bowl.

All right, so it's on the table behind the bowl,

and I want to see it, will you show it to...

I want to see it! Will you please

show me the gun, please?

Show me the second gun.

Fade out four.

Camera one, trouble here.

We've lost camera one.

We've lost camera one?

What else can happen?

Everything is happening to me tonight.

Everything is happening to me.

All right. You go to camera two.

Camera two is covering the door.

Let three cover the door.

Two move in. Three move back.

Two move in...

All right. Go to the black. Stand by three. Take three.

- Three's on. - Go to film.

All right. Now, this is the big close-up of the door.

Now, watch those marks. Watch them very carefully, now.

Dolly in closer.

Dolly in closer three.

Closer, a little bit closer.

- A little closer... - Closer.

- Closer. - Closer.

Hold it!

Ahh!

All right. Fade three, up on four.

Fade three, up four.

We're 30 seconds over.

All right. Forget the credits.

Go to the last card.

All right, bring up the theme music.

- Dump the credits. - Resolve fill up.

- Roll, please. - Can you file that, honey?

Five, four, three,

two, one, stop.

Listen, I'm sorry about that spill, boss.

- Ah, forget it. - Everything else okay?

Oh, fine, fine. Listen. Thanks a lot, everybody.

Mr. Nash, what about that other show?

I'll talk about it Tuesday, Lucille, do you mind?

- Great show, Mr. Nash. - Thank you.

Doctor's here.

All right.

- Hello, Brad. - Ed.

Any messages?

The agency called.

"Sensational show, congratulations."

How's the pulse?

Come on. How is it?

Bully, Jim dandy.

If you'd just been running six or eight miles uphill

carrying a small anvil, I'd say it was about normal.

Now, what's that?

Vitamin shot.

Turn it up.

The new scripts are back from Mel.

Set meeting for Monday, rehearsals call Tuesday.

Your wife called.

She loves you, and that...

Hold it still!

Now, what are you using, knitting needles?

That'll be all, Mrs. Spence.

Oh, some man called twice.

He wouldn't leave a message.

Oh?

Oh, well thank you.

- I see. - Good night.

Yes, good night, Mrs. Spence.

Now, wait a minute, aren't you going to take my blood pressure?

What for? I know what it'll be.

I'll only get discouraged.

That's what I like about you, Brad, you always give me such a lift.

How about giving a guy a little bit of advice, occasionally.

You had my advice.

You chose to ignore it.

From now on, the best I can offer is my best wishes.

Oh, thanks.

You have televisionitis; Also known

as the Madison Avenue heebie-jeebies,

induced by an over application of work

and an under application of common horse sense.

Good night, Elliott.

Say, Brad.

Brad, there are 14 columns of doctors

in the yellow pages of the phone book.

I just might choose one of them one day.

Bless you, my boy.

Ben, have a cab waiting.

I'm picking my wife up at the theater.

- Elliott? - Huh?

Elliott, I watched you tonight in that control booth.

You're a bundle of nerves.

It frightened me.

Now, I'm going to talk to you like a Dutch agent, and I'm laying

down the law.

From now on, you will not write

and direct on the same show.

Oh, yes I will.

Elliott, please.

Look, I'm laying down the law.

Why do you want to beat yourself like this for?

For what reason, huh?

For, for sentimental reasons, let's say, huh?

I'm sentimental about money.

Uh, that reminds me. What about that advance?

- Advance? What advance? - What do you mean what advance?

The one for the movie script. The one for Hitchcock.

Elliott, you haven't even started that.

He doesn't know it, does he?

Look, it's all in my head, it's right here in my head.

Now, suppose you just go get the advance, huh?

I don't know what's with you these days.

- All you think about is money. - Yeah.

You know, with what you make right now, everybody should do so good.

And on top of that, Nell, god bless her,

working in the show, what do you do with it?

Just get the advance.

Just get the advance.

I'll have a cab at the side entrance.

Hello?

Yes, this...

This is...

Yeah, I was expecting you to call, Mr. Shelby.

How much is it this time?

Look, where do you expect me to get that kind of money?

What do you think I am?

Look. Listen.

Mr. Shelby, I'm even trying to sell my home, now.

Wait a minute! I'm trying to sell my home.

I can't do that overnight.

Look, you've got to give me time here.

Look, you've gotta give me time.

Elliott...

Sh, sh, sh, sh!

It's down to 105.

Down to?

What are you trying to do?

- I think we hit a pigeon! - What?

A pigeon, I think we smacked it.

Well, back up. See if it's hurt.

Huh?

Back up. Will you back up?

See if maybe we can give it first aid.

- A pigeon? - Yeah, a pigeon.

Come on. Back up. Back up.

I can't back up on a one-way street for no pigeon.

Why did you have to go hit a pigeon for?

He was crossing against the light.

Where ya go...

All right, all right, all right.

Don't be so impatient.

Go on. What are ya gapin' at?

He doesn't seem to be hurt. He's just in a state of shock.

I gotta keep him warm, though.

So what are you, a self-appointed hot water bottle?

Well, you wouldn't want the little fellow to die, would ya?

Hey, uh, stop at a fruit stand, will ya, driver?

I want to get the pigeon some peanuts.

Kooks.

Why do I always get kooks?

♪ Why do I feel like a feather ♪

♪ Why do I sing in a crowd ♪

♪ Why, when it's clear lovely weather ♪

♪ Why is my head in a cloud ♪

♪ It's that uncontrollable something ♪

♪ Makes a tiger coo like a dove ♪

♪ That uncontrollable something ♪

♪ Called love, love ♪

♪ Why when we're cuddling closer ♪

♪ Like this ♪

♪ Why do I try to resist ♪

♪ Like this ♪

♪ Why when I'm telling you "no, sir" ♪

♪ Like this ♪

♪ Why do I hope you insist ♪

♪ It's that undeniable something ♪

♪ Makes the moonlight fit like a glove ♪

♪ That undefinable something ♪

♪ Called love ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ Love, love, love, love, love ♪

♪ It's unbelievable ♪

♪ Inconceivable ♪

♪ Undeniable, undefinable ♪

♪ Uncontrollable something ♪

♪ Called love ♪

Hi, darling!

Who's your friend?

Oh, that's a pigeon.

Are you any pigeon I know?

- See you in a minute. - All right.

Thank you.

He's thirsty.

And then I said, "will you please say

somewhere in the article that, of course,

I'm terribly excited about my career,

but my principle interests are in my husband and my home."

You know what he said?

- What? - He said it was corny.

Well, the stuff about the home is a little corny.

What's corny?

Do you ever think of selling the house, now?

Selling our wonderful house?

Elliott, we haven't even finished remodeling.

Yeah, I know. Nobody ever seems to finish.

Oh, honey.

I'm surprised at you.

We're building for the future.

Elliott, think what it means when things go bad.

Yeah, I know, but if things go bad,

it would be better not to have the house

and be stuck with just money.

- Oh. - Hold still, honey.

Elliott, I don't... Ouch!

- I'm sorry. - My hide, Elliott.

I'm sorry, darling.

You just seem so tense and nervous, Elliott.

What's the matter, Elliott?

There's nothing the matter, dear.

Oh, Elliott.

We're such lucky people to do what we're doing.

- To have what we have. - Yeah.

Now, all we have to do is just sit back and relax,

and enjoy it.

Mm!

Ah, Elliott?

What?

Let's go home.

I'll relax you.

♪ Uncontrollable something ♪

♪ Called love ♪

♪ love ♪

Elliott?

Hurry up!

- ♪ Da da da ♪ - coming!

♪ Da da ♪

I had to find a warm place for my pigeon.

Elliott, smell... Lilies of the valley.

Mmm, makes me feel like a bride.

Come to think about it, I always feel like a bride.

You suppose there's something wrong with me?

- No. - No?

♪ It's that uncontrollable something ♪

♪ Makes the moonlight... ♪

Hi, there!

Harlow?

A little late, aren't you? Where ya been?

Oh, hi.

Harlow, what are you doing here?

Oh, just passing by.

I thought you might like to play a little game of cards.

Oh, you did? Well, thank you very mu...

No, I don't feel like cards tonight, Harlow.

- No. - How's our little Nell?

Oh, I'm just...

Well, if you'll excuse me.

Oh, Elliott, why don't you fix Harlow a drink before he goes?

Oh, Harlow doesn't want a drink, it's almost 1:00.

Oh, I'd love it. I'd love one.

- Goodnight, Harlow. - Good night, little Nell.

What, are you playing, spin the bottle?

You just did that.

You know, the great mistake of my life was introducing you

to this character?

How do you put up with him?

Well, I manage.

Oh, Elliott, now, don't be too long.

You need your rest.

Yeah.

- You want a short one, huh? - No, no, no.

Fill 'er up. Lots of soda.

Say, anyone ever tell you you're a very lucky guy?

Yeah, yeah, you did, at least 90 times.

Harlow, why don't you get yourself a wife of your own,

then you'll have someplace to go nights.

Oh, I'm not lonely, but in case you decide

to become a bachelor again, I don't want you

to worry about a thing.

Nell knows where she can turn.

Oh, that's spoken like a true friend.

Suppose we drink a toast to good fellowship?

Then you can go home. Huh, Harlow?

Oh, fine.

I always thought theatrical people had a sense of humor.

Oh, by the way, I caught your show tonight.

Hey, there now.

Pretty bad, huh?

No, except for a few glaring mistakes in criminology.

You TV boys don't seem to appreciate the fine points of homicide,

if you don't mind my saying so.

Oh, no, no. Not at all.

We learned a long time ago

it's just about impossible to please lawyers;

especially when they're district attorneys.

Seriously, though, your murderer committed some real boo-boos.

If my office was prosecuting, I'd have him

in the electric chair before the first commercial.

Come on. Drink up, Harlow. Let's go. Drink up.

Well, look at it. Look at it.

Here you have an intelligent murderer

committing the so-called perfect crime.

How does he go about it?

He takes the .38 and plugs the victim

right in the stomach.

Elliott...

It's pretty messy, huh?

Messy, and not even always fatal.

Here or here, never the midsection.

Yeah, I'll make a note of that.

On top of that, where does the body fall?

On the nice, clean carpet.

What did your murderer intend to do with the blood stain on the rug?

Harlow, it was only a TV show.

Nobody was murdered, only an actor.

Just trying to be helpful.

Maybe you ought to consult me before you write one of these things?

I could give you a lot of pointers.

Hey, maybe you can, Harlow.

You know, as a matter of f...

Do you mind if I pick your legal brain for just a minute?

What's a friend for? Shoot.

All right.

Well, there's this script.

Now, it's about this man.

We'll call him, oh, Mr. X.

Now, he's in New York for this convention.

He's going to make a speech there, you know?

And he's up in his hotel suite

dictating the speech to the hotel stenographer,

but she's a very refined type, though, you know?

If I were casting her, I'd probably choose

a pretty, school teacher-type.

School teacher?

Yeah.

So... well, uh,

after the uh, dictation is over, you know,

and the stenographer is about to leave,

she is just about going out the door

when she looks up at Mr. X, and she gives him

one of those kind of a, you know,

kind of a, well, provocative, you know, smile.

Then hands him a card and says, "now look.

If there's anything more I can do for you, you just...

Why don't you give me a ring?"

Because, you see, after 6:00, then I work for myself.

You follow me?

I think I'm ahead of ya.

Yeah.

So, Mr. X, he has dinner by himself,

and then he decides he's going to take

this girl up on the offer.

So that's it.

I mean, 30 minutes later,

she's right up there in the hotel suite.

Ready for a dictation.

Yeah.

Uh, so he starts to pour this bottle of champagne...

Now, hold it, hold it.

- Where did the champagne come from? - Room service.

So while she's taking dictation they're drinking champagne?

Yeah, yeah. That's right.

So he starts to pour the second bottle of champagne...

- A second bottle? - Yeah, they're fast drinkers.

And he starts to pour the second bottle of champagne,

and the door busts open, and in comes two men.

One of them is a photographer.

A newspaper man.

No, no, no. Blackmailers.

Well, the photographer, he disappears right away,

but the other guy comes over to him.

He says, "look, buddy," he says, "for 10,000 bucks

I can keep that picture out of the scandal magazines."

$10,000 for what?

It's not a very damaging picture, drinking a glass

of champagne with a stenographer?

Well, she's only wearing a, you know, and a bra.

I must have been dozing, but when did the school teacher

shed her dress?

Oh, when he opened the bottle of champagne.

You know, it kind of, you know, spilled on her dress

so she had to hang it up in the bathroom

to let it dry out.

Have you told Nell about this?

Well, what's Nell got to do with it?

You can tell me. I'm your fr...

I'm not talking about myself.

It's a character.

It's a character in the script.

Now, this Mr. X, he figures that the $10,000

is only the beginning, so he steps

to the telephone to call the police.

- Absolutely, right. - Now wait a minute.

The blackmailer says, "now, look here, buddy.

You call the police, and those pictures

will appear in the magazines anyway."

Now, here's what I want to ask you.

Now, will the police protect the victim

of a blackmail scheme, hmm?

I mean, will they keep the pictures out of the magazines?

Well, they try to.

Sometimes they succeed.

Oh, sometimes, huh?

Yeah.

It appears that this Mr. X is in a bit of a spot, huh?

Nasty thing, blackmail.

You can't even take it off your income tax.

Well, what does he do?

Well, he has three alternatives.

He can go on shelling out for the rest of his life,

he could go to the police, or he could figure

some way of knocking the blackmailer off.

Which one fits your plot best?

Harlow?

Huh?

Elliott's got to relax.

Oh, okay, okay.

Harlow, listen, thanks. You've been a big help.

Mm, anytime, anytime at all.

Good night, little Nell.

Good night.

Night, Elliott.

Night.

♪ It's an uncontrollable something ♪

♪ Makes a tiger coo like a dove ♪

Good morning, sir. Your maid is here.

Hello, maid.

How do you feel this morning?

Well, terrible.

Elliott, you're not still tense?

No, I'm just a little seasick, that's all.

From what?

Hey, honey, could we get rid of these shower curtains,

maybe burn 'em or something?

Why? They're cute, honey.

All these boats going up and down.

Well, I can't stand to look at them.

It makes my stomach go up and down.

Well, there it goes. I knew that would happen.

- Elliott, did you say something? - Shower's off!

Again?

Yeah.

This is getting to be a habit.

What could it be this time?

You know, water around here is scarcer than on the Sahara desert.

Well, I'll have to call Mr. Olson.

No, I've got a better idea than that.

How about selling this house and moving back to town?

Elliott, I told you last night.

You know how much money we might be able to get

for this place if we sold it?

40... 40,000, maybe $45,000.

Elliott, what do we need the money for?

You wouldn't know what to do with it, anyway.

Oh, I could think of something.

Yeah. Like what?

- Huh? - Oh, nothing.

Elliott, we bought this house so you'd have

a quiet, peaceful place to write in.

Now, let's not have anymore silly talk, okay?

Okay.

Those darn birds.

Quiet!

Oh.

Can I vacuum in here, Mr. Nash?

- Oh, Matilda, please. - What is it?

Just wondering if it's okay to do the living room?

Oh, not now, Matilda. Mr. Nash is writing.

Okay. I'll finish upstairs.

Honey, I'm sorry.

Does she have to shout like that?

Dear, she can't help it.

She lives with her mother, and her mother's deaf.

Well, don't keep any secrets from her.

Tell her I’m not her mother.

I will, dear, I'll take care of it. Now, go back to work, hmm?

I asked you to be quiet, didn't I?

All right.

Ah.

Will you please go back to New York?

I know you can't fly yet,

but this is a great day to take a walk.

All right.

Here, Herman.

Good morning, Mr. Nash.

Hello, miss Chandler.

- Feeding the pigeon? - Oh, sure.

He's an old friend of mine.

- Does he bite? - No, no.

Now, what can I do for you?

Oh, I, uh, showed the house yesterday.

I think I've got a buyer for it.

The mcgruders, charming people, filthy rich.

His wife drinks, poor dear,

and they want a nice little house where her nurse

can take care of her unobtrusively.

Yeah, well,

unfortunately, I'm afraid Mrs. Mcgruder

will have to find someplace else

to do her drinking, because my wife won't sell.

But they'll go $50,000.

Oh?

- You mean $50,000 cash? - On the line.

Of course, maybe you're one

of those fortunates who doesn't need money?

Oh, sure. Yeah, I'm one of those fortunates, all right.

My wife happens to like this place.

I just can't talk her into selling it, that's all.

Oh. Well, you'll just have to work harder, Mr. Nash.

Get in there and pitch.

And pitch?

You know something? For three weeks I've been lousing up the plumbing.

I've done everything except put a bomb in it.

- Do you think that discourages her? - Oh, no.

She just calls the plumber.

Yeah, he's getting rich, and I can't take a bath.

- Hello, Mrs. Chandler. - Hello.

Elliott, what do you suppose Mr. Olson

found in the plumbing? A sponge.

Well, it must have slipped down the drain.

Uh-uh, somebody shoved it down there, Mr. Nash.

- Well, how about that. - Now, who do you suppose

would do a thing like that?

Come on, Mr. Olson. I'll give you a check.

- Bye, miss Chandler. - Bye.

Something else is slipping down the drain, Mr. Nash:

50,000 bucks.

Well, I'll just have to find the Mcgruders another place.

Look, could you stall it for maybe a couple of days?

I'll think of something.

Better think fast, Mr. Nash.

Yeah, fine.

Oh!

Matilda!

Matilda, come here and look at this!

Now, watch this. Look here!

Look at that.

Well, that sure takes the Berry off the bush.

Well, Mr. Olson can fix it.

Shew!

See if he can fix the toaster, too.

What's the matter with the toaster?

Nothing, 'cept when you turn it on,

the icebox defrosts.

Well, that's convenient.

Elliott, what are you doing?

Oh, well, you see the floor plug over there

blew out and I was going to plug it in over here,

but the wire just... I don't know.

This whole place is just falling apart.

My beautiful lamp!

Well, that's what you got to expect

in an old house like this.

Hello.

Hello?

Now, that's funny.

That's the third or fourth time this week.

What?

Well, I pick it up and no one answers,

and then I hear a click like they've hung up.

Well, you see? There's another thing.

Well, I'm going to report this now.

No. I'll do it, honey.

- I'll do it. - All right, dear.

The whole top.

Oh.

Oh.

Hello, Shelby?

Was that you on the phone just now?

Yeah.

I thought I told you not to call here?

There's been a change in plans, Mr. Nash.

I hate to keep pestering you like this.

I know you don't like it either.

So let's lump everything into one final payment.

Let's say, uh, 25 g's.

Look, what are you talking about? I didn't have 10 yesterday.

Where would I get 25 today?

First it was, first it was 2,000, and then it was 5...

What are you trying to do to me?

I've just been looking at some pictures

of your wife, Mr. Nash.

Of course, maybe you'd like to have them published.

I don't think it'd be good for her career.

A girl getting her first big break on Broadway.

I don't hear you talking, Mr. Nash.

Well, I'm thinking.

How much time will you give me?

No rush.

- Let's say Thursday. - Thursday?

What do you mean, Thursday? Do you realize this...

Uh, Thursday will be all right.

- Elliott! - Yeah. Okay.

Fine. I'll call you tonight.

Tonight.

- Elliott, it's here! - What's here?

That surprise I told you about. Do you remember?

It's outside in the garden. Now, close your eyes tight.

Don't look. You promise?

Yeah.

Oh, we have to get this door fixed.

- Come on. - Yeah.

Here.

Keep 'em closed.

Now, don't you dare peek.

There. Now, open your eyes.

Well, say something.

What is it?

It's a gazebo.

It's a what?

A gazebo.

Well, what does it do?

Nothing, honey. It's a summer house.

I bought it at an auction

on an old estate out in westport,

and nobody wanted the gazebo.

Nobody except my wife.

Honey, I stole it.

I practically stole it for only $1,200.

You stole it? Well, for heaven's sakes,

give it back before we're arrested.

Oh, Elliott.

I bought it for you.

I thought you'd love it.

You can do your writing in here.

I'm going to... Look. Put it right there

in the middle, right there.

You mean right there next to the birds?

Oh, that's great. That's just great.

Oh, Elliott. I'm disappointed.

I went to so much trouble.

- Okay, I'll send it back. - No, no. Don't do that!

No.

Anything you do is all right with me.

I love you.

Well, why shouldn't I love your gazebo?

Oh, darling!

Oh, it'll be so simple to install.

Install?

Well, we have to have a cement foundation, naturally.

Oh, naturally.

Mr. Thorpe is doing the contracting.

Mr. Thorpe?

Hello, there.

Mr. Thorpe, would you please explain to Mr. Nash about the foundation work?

Well, sir, all we do is dig

a little hole, and pour a little cement,

and lay a little flagstone,

and there she is.

Yeah, well, how much do all these little things add up to?

Well, sir, for a gazebo that size,

the whole thing oughtn't run you more than...

Oh, well, let's see.

36 divided into 40...

Six-seven hundred.

Well, that's wonderful!

The whole thing for only $1900.

Why, it must have cost five times that amount

when it was built in England, 18th century.

I have all the papers.

They claim George the fourth dallied in it

with his mistresses.

Mm-hmm.

Well, for 1,900 bucks, we ought to get in

some pretty good dallying.

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, Elliott!

I was talking to the wife about that dallying.

She said maybe we ought to get one of them gazebos.

Nope, nope, no.

Hi, Elliott! How's it going?

Hey, before you bother to get out, Nell's just left for the theater.

- Just passing by, chum. - Hmm.

Hey, how come you're always just passing by?

This place is two miles out of your way.

Say, what's that thing?

A hunk of the old Brooklyn bridge?

That's a gazebo.

That's $1,900 worth of gazebo.

Bargain!

Well, how's the murderer today?

Knock off that blackmailer, yet?

Oh, no.

No.

Well, just make sure he disposes of the body

in a professional manner.

That's where most murderers fall right on their faces.

I had a fellow a couple of months ago

decided to heat up his wife in a furnace.

Unfortunately, he didn't know that false teeth wouldn't burn.

By the way, does your hero get away with it?

Oh, I don't know, yet.

I don't know.

Well, see you later.

You know what that thing looks like?

A monument in a cemetery.

Yes, sir.

In cement work,

it's the mixture that counts.

The mixture, Mr. Nash.

And don't you let nobody tell you different.

Yeah. That's very interesting.

Now, how long does it take cement to harden?

Well, now, that depends.

That just depends.

Can I freshen that up for ya a little bit?

No, no, no, no, no.

Well, well, just a little one just to...

A little bit won't hurt.

- Yeah. - That's fine.

Now, about that cement in the gazebo;

that should harden pretty fast, shouldn't it?

That should harden in 24 hours.

But you could walk on that in five.

- Well, what do ya know? - Yes.

And I'll tell you something else, Mr. Nash.

When I set that there gazebo

on that foundation,

she gonna stand for a hundred years,

maybe two hundred.

Oh, that's fine.

That's um... Oh, that's fine.

I, uh, I like a feeling of permanency about things.

You know?

I do myself.

When do you start to pour, Mr. Thorpe?

Let's see.

Wednesday, storm drain,

Thursday...

Oh, I'd say Saturday.

Saturday?

Uh, it couldn't start Friday? Could you?

You see, I'm kind of anxious to see it set up out there, you know?

Well, you understand.

Huh?

Mr. Nash,

for nice folk like you,

Mrs. Acriman's cesspool is just going to have to wait.

Fine. That's just fine.

- I really appreciate it. - That's all right.

Shelby?

This is Elliott Nash.

I'll have the money for ya Thursday night.

You come by here and pick it up.

No, no. You come here.

I'll call you Thursday, and give you more details.

- No stalling? - No, there'll be no stalling.

Everything will be ready for you, everything.

Okay.

Honey, this is Thursday.

Did you give me your grey suit for the cleaners?

Um, uh, I think I did.

Yes. I believe I did.

I seem to have forgotten something.

Oh, well. I'll probably remember

the first time I step out on that stage.

Honey, are you nervous?

Huh? No, no.

Why should I be? Hmm?

Well, goodnight.

Uh, what time you getting home?

The same time as usual, why?

Well, n-no reason except that I...

Sometimes you have to rush to catch the 11:10.

No. Not tonight, dear. I'm having an interview.

Good.

I mean, uh, I-I'll be waiting for you.

Take it easy, huh, dear?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, Nell.

Hmm?

I didn't kiss you goodnight.

- Yes you did, dear. - Huh?

Well, just in case I didn't...

We've had a pretty easy time of it,

haven't we, now, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Nothing or nobody has ever rocked the boat.

- Nobody ever will. - No.

You know, I hope you don't think I take our marriage for granted

like some people do.

I've been so grateful, Nell,

so very grateful for every moment that we've had together.

Oh, honey.

I'm gonna to cry.

You know, marriage makes a guy

a little tongue-tied sometimes, and I thought

I'd just like to spell it out for you.

I love you, Nell.

I love you.

I am going to cry.

No, no. Come on.

You haven't got time for that.

You run along now, huh?

Goodnight, dear.

Yeah. Goodnight.

- Oh. - Oh.

Oh, I'll fix that, honey. I'm sorry.

I'll fix it. I'll fix it right away.

- Goodnight, dear. - Goodnight.

Now, you be careful on the way to the station.

- You hear me? - Mm-hmm.

Herman, you stay there.

You stay there.

I've been waiting to hear from you, Mr. Nash.

All right. Now, listen.

You take the 9:20 from grand central.

You get off at pine woods.

Now, when you get there, you get a taxi cab,

and have him take you to the old town road,

and when you get to the old town road,

you dismiss the cab,

and you walk up the pathway.

You should get here at exactly 10:00.

All right, now, one thing I want to make very clear to ya.

I want every picture you've got of my wife.

You understand?

You'll get them, and the negatives.

Ten o'clock.

- Good evening, Eddie. - Oh, miss Nash.

Someone here to see you.

- Oh? - A man.

Thank you.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Nell.

I got your message and stayed in town.

Oh, that's nice of you.

Trouble?

Well, that's what I wanted to ask you about.

Harlow, you've known Elliott a long time, haven't you?

Oh, yes.

Have you noticed anything different about him lately;

sort of nervous, and erratic?

No more than usual.

What's he been up to?

Oh, it's nothing you can put your finger on, it's just...

He stuffed sponges down the plumbing.

He does what?

Yeah, and then he fools around with the electric wiring.

He takes screws out of the door knobs.

Yeah. Well, what for?

Trying to sabotage the house so I'll agree to sell it.

Oh, really?

Oh, I don't mind that so much.

It's just that...

Harlow, why would a man buy a shovel

and a pair of hip boots and hide 'em?

Well, maybe he's going fishing?

In a miner's hat? He bought that, too,

with a light in front.

With a...

Yes.

Maybe he's going fishing at night?

He's hates fishing. You know that.

Yes.

Maybe he's been working too hard lately?

Oh, I'm worried about him.

I really am.

Harlow, do you think that...

That Elliott should see a doctor?

Head doctor?

Yes.

Oh, no, no, no.

I don't think so.

He's a little whacky, but all writers are whacky.

It's normal with them.

Maybe he's working on a script,

experimenting with props and things?

- You think so? - Oh, sure.

I wouldn't worry about him;

not for a while, anyway.

Well... to work.

- Thanks for listening, Harlow. - Sure. Any time.

Umm... oh, yeah.

Now, I'm going to see how much time.

8:30.

Yeah.

Now it's an hour and a half.

Now, oh yes, schedule, the schedule.

I have time to see the schedule.

Let's see, now.

Number one, take tranquilizer.

Take tranquilizer.

I better take two.

Number two, open door.

Right.

Yeah.

Oh, no!

Number three, check gun.

Check gun.

Goodnight, Mr. Nash!

Uh, I thought you'd gone?

I forgot my bag!

Anything more I can do for ya, Mr. Nash?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Well, goodnight, again.

See you tomorrow!

Goodnight.

Number four, keep calm.

Whew!

Yeah. All right.

Number five, uh, plastic cover.

Yeah.

Here's the plastic cover.

Take the ropes out, and lay one here,

and that's the middle one.

Got to have a middle one.

There.

That's fine.

Yeah.

Now, man here.

No, no, no. Wait.

It's going to have to move over this way.

Yeah. That's it.

So he... He can come in.

Bang!

Ooh!

Right.

Uh, now.

Oh, yeah, the shovel.

The shovel.

I need the shovel.

That's it.

That's it, now.

Shelby?

Is that you?

Oh, Herman.

Shh! Outside, Herman!

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

Ooh!

Now...

The door's open.

Come in.

Oh, no! Come back!

Back... back up, back up, back up.

Now, now... Now.

No. This way.

Let's see here.

No.

Oh, I'll sue that store, so help me.

Oh, um, yes.

Yes. Yes.

Oh, no.

Hello?

Hello?

No.

Who's out... Who's out there?

It's me, Mr. Nash, Sam Thorpe.

Can I see you for a minute, Mr. Nash?

Oh... oh, just a minute!

- Good evening, Mr. Thorpe. - Hello, there.

I hope I’m not disturbing ya.

No, no, no.

As a matter of fact, I wasn't doing a thing.

Well, I just came over to...

What's the hat for?

Uh, oh, the lights went out.

- It did? - Mm-hmm.

I could have sworn I saw a light in there a minute ago.

Well, you see, it just happened, you see?

As a matter of fact, I was looking for the fuse box just when you uh-

Oh, well maybe I can help you with that?

No. As a matter of fact, I just found it.

Well, what can I do for ya?

Well, I just came over to check on the foundations.

The foundations are fine. They're just fine.

Like, hoot they are.

One of those stupid men of mine left a big hole

down there in one end.

It's all right, though. I filled it in.

You didn't?

- You did? - Yeah.

And wait'll I find out the one that left

this brand new shovel out there to rust.

That's it.

Somebody's going to get fired.

Good night, Mr. Nash.

Oh, not now Herman.

Please, not now, not now.

Having trouble there, Mr. Nash.

No.

No trouble at all, Mr. Thorpe.

All right.

Hello?

Long distance?

Oh, operator, I can't talk now.

Yoo-hoo!

Anybody home?

Mrs. Chandler?

Oh, what happened? The electricity go out?

Yes, well, could we step outside, please?

Do you mind if I close the door?

I've got to keep Herman inside.

- Herman? - Yes, that's my pigeon.

Can I do something for you?

Oh, I've got the Mcgruders out in the car.

- Okay to bring them in? - No!

Uh, I-I’m... I'm very busy.

Well, they only want to look around.

It'll only take a second.

- You haven't got company, have you? - Yes. No.

As a matter of fact... I tell you what.

Why don't you come back tomorrow?

Okay.

Boy, is she plastered.

Uh, coming! Coming!

Hello...

Hello?

Operator, I told you I can't talk to any...

Who?

Alfred Hitchcock?

Yeah.

Yeah. Put him on, operator.

Please?

Hitch?

Elliott Nash, here.

Uh, hi. Yeah.

Oh, the script is coming along just fine.

Uh, hitch?

Uh, I have a bit of a problem here,

and perhaps you might be able to help me out?

Well, this murderer, he has a corpse,

and through a rather peculiar set of circumstances,

he's stuck without a shovel to Bury it.

Um, ha ha ha!

Yeah!

It's a scream. Isn't it, hitch?

Yeah, I thought you'd kinda like that.

Well, what does he do?

Oh, yes. We've got a fireplace.

I-I mean, there's a fireplace.

Hitch. Hitch, you're a genius.

I'll use it.

I mean, we'll use it.

Yeah.

Thanks, hitch.

Thanks a lot. Bye.

Oh, good ole hitch.

Watch those blocks.

Keep her steady.

For you.

Harlow?

Lower her down.

That's it, now.

Come on. On your feet, Nell.

To the gazebo; Long may it stand.

Ahh!

Come on, drink up everybody. Drink up!

Honey, watch it, you know what champagne does to you.

No, no, not today... Not today it won't.

This is one of the greatest days of my life.

Yes, sir.

A little bit of old England

comes to Connecticut.

A sort of hands across the sea, as they say.

Yes.

To England, and Connecticut,

and Alfred Hitchcock.

Why Alfred Hitchcock?

Uh, well, he's English, isn't he?

Yeah. I think that he would appreciate the gazebo.

As a matter of fact, I'm quite sure he would.

Hey, Herman!

Herman! Come on.

Come on, Herman.

It's for you, my fine feathered friend.

Elliott, Elliott, must we have that?

That? Why, it's symbolic.

It's sort of the 18th century on hi-fi.

You're a little hi-fi yourself, dear.

I love you, too.

What?

Here. How's that? One hand, Harlow. Huh?

- That's fine. - Pretty good, huh?

- That's perfect. - Take it, take it.

Thank you. Thank you.

Congratulations, Mr. Thorpe.

Thank you, sir.

She does look pretty good

standing out there, doesn't she, huh?

She sure does.

Hey, how about joining us in a glass of champagne, huh, Mr. Thorpe?

Well, I don't usually drink and work,

but today is such a special occasion.

- Thank you. - Why, sure.

Thank you, Nell.

That's history standing out there, Sam.

Yes, sir.

And you contributed to it.

To history, the gazebo,

and what lies beneath it.

What, uh, lies beneath it?

The good, rich soil of the U.S. of a.

Right.

Right.

Funny thing about that hole out there last night.

What hole was that?

When I came to check the foundation.

Somebody had dug a hole about six feet long out there.

I had to fill it in.

Drink up, Sam, drink up.

And that shovel I took away didn't even belong to us.

Wup, wup, oops!

Sorry, Sam! I'm very sorry!

Oh, oh, my god! It's going to rain!

Watch out! Everybody get inside.

Whoo!

- Oh! - Oh!

This here rain ain't going to do

this gazebo no good at all, at all.

Mmm, I love the rain.

It makes everything smell so fresh.

I got a cold one here.

Good, dear.

Now, where's your glass, Harlow?

Uh, in a minute.

First, though, I'd like to have

a couple of words with Nell, uh, in private.

Uh, you don't mind. Do you?

Oh, I certainly do, what can you say to her

that you can't say in front of me, huh?

Nothing that I know of.

Go ahead, Harlow.

All right.

Cheers.

Nell, do you know a man named Dan Shelby?

Wrong way.

What did you say?

Dan Shelby, ever hear of him?

Shelby?

Uh, Shelby?

No, no.

The name doesn't seem to ring a bell.

What is this all about, Harlow?

Well, for some years, Shelby was assistant

to a man named costaires, a photographer

who specialized in shots for girly magazines, nudes.

Well, recently Mr. Shelby departed the premises

taking with him a complete file of photographs.

Quite a few of these young ladies

are now happily and wealthily married.

Well, briefly Mr. Shelby has been putting the bite

on them, blackmail, getting as much as $10,000

to keep these, uh, art studies under wraps.

Well, what's that got to do with us?

Well, I can answer that, dear.

I was one of those girls, one of those art studies.

Wasn't I, Harlow?

Well, they found your name on a list in his hotel room.

Oh, Elliott.

I'm sorry I never told you before,

but it isn't as terrible as it sounds.

I was only 18 at the time, and hungry,

and I was told the studies were going to be used

by professional artists, not for publication,

so I took the job, and when I was told

the pictures were going to be printed,

I went back to Mr. Costaires

and I asked him please not to use them.

He was very sweet to me, and I promised to pay back

every cent of the modeling fee, which I did

as soon as I got my first part.

Oh, Elliott.

You're not disappointed in me?

Mm-mmm.

No, I'm just sorry I didn't get to see the pictures.

So am I.

They weren't half bad.

Oh.

You're certainly an ideal subject for blackmail:

Brand new star on Broadway.

I'm surprised Shelby never called you.

Oh, he did.

- He did? - Mm-hmm.

He came to the theater about two months ago,

and he brought the pictures, and he threatened to publish them

unless I paid him $10,000 in cash.

Well, what did you do?

Well, I laughed in his face.

Wouldn't you?

Oh, yes. I-I... Uh...

Still, it would have been quite a story

for the scandal sheets.

Oh, yeah, it would have,

but you know what woulda happened then?

You couldn't buy standing room

in that theater for the next five years.

I dared him to do it.

Oh, good girl.

I suppose they're going to print the list of names anyhow?

No, no, we'll keep 'em all quiet;

except for one name.

That one'll have to come out in the open.

Well, which name?

The murderer.

Murderer?

I forgot to mention, Mr. Dan Shelby

was knocked off last night.

Ah, somewhat painfully I hope?

No, just one clean shot square in the pump.

Was he taken for a ride

or was his body found in a dark alley?

Nothing so dramatic.

No, he was murdered in bed in his hotel on west 49th street.

So long.

Oh, I'll see you out.

Bye, Elliott.

Be right back, dear.

Well, who the hell's out there?

Oh, who's this, Anne?

Anne?

This is Elliott.

Yeah.

Yes, I know, it's been a long time, but uh, well yeah.

How's Pete? Have you seen him today?

Oh, at breakfast?

Oh, that's just fine.

No, no, no, no, I just wanted to find out where...

Or how... How he is.

Yes.

No, no. That's all, Anne.

Yes. That's all.

Bye! Bye, Anne.

Uh, hello? Aunt sue?

Elliott here.

Yes.

It's your nephew, Elliott.

Yeah.

Uh, how are you, aunt sue?

Oh, fine.

How's uncle George?

You haven't seen him since last night?

Oh?

He went to Philadelphia?

Well, did you talk to him on the phone today?

You did?

Oh, fine.

Anything wrong, dear?

No. No, no, no, no.

It's uncle George.

He just went to Philadelphia.

Just... you know?

- Well, good for him. - Yeah.

Oh, aunt sue?

Now, listen.

If uncle George should call,

why, you just give him my very best.

No, I am not loaded, aunt sue.

No. All right.

Goodbye, aunt sue.

Goodbye.

- Elliott? - What?

Elliott, where are your shower curtains?

What?

Dear, your shower curtains; what happened to them?

Uh, oh, I gave 'em away.

Oh, Elliott, I knew you hated those shower curtains,

but isn't it kind of...

You what?

What?

No. Wait. Now, Elliott.

Now, let's just start from the beginning.

I came out, and I said,

"Elliott, what happened to your shower curtains?

Yes, and I said, "I gave them away."

Yes, that... That's what you said,

and uh, who, by chance, did you give them to?

- A man. - A man?

I gave them to a man. He came to the door.

He said he was from Hungarian relief,

and I... As a matter of fact, I gave him

a pair of trousers with the shower curtains.

Oh, well, he must have been delighted, huh?

He was. He was. He was.

I didn't know, dear, that the Hungarians

were so short on shower curtains.

Yeah, the shortest thing in the world they are on.

Is that so? Honey, you didn't

start celebrating the gazebo last night, by chance?

Certainly, I did not.

- I did not. - All right, dear.

Well, it's stopped raining.

You want to get some fresh air?

Yeah, I will, in a minute.

In a minute, honey, huh?

All right. All right, dear.

All right.

Matilda!

- Matilda? - What?

Mr. Nash and I are going to have tea in the gazebo.

Okie-doke.

Oh, no.

No. Hey, Nell, honey.

But honey...

Here, I told you it was all right.

- Look, it's solid as can be. - Oh, don't do that.

Please, don't do that.

Why?

Well, there might still be some soft spots.

Oh, honey, don't be silly.

Matilda, would you bring it up here?

I'll get the tea.

What? Wait. Put it down real easy, please?

Easy... that's it.

Hi, Mr. Nash.

I was a little worried about that rain.

I came to shore up the foundations.

Oh, no, no.

Not today, Mr. Thorpe, not today.

Uh, some other time, hmm?

Some other time, fellows?

No time like the present, Mr. Nash.

But we're about to have tea... You know, tea?

Mr. Nash, I like to stand behind my work.

Well, suppose we stand behind it tomorrow, hmm?

All right, but if she starts to crumble,

don't blame me.

Crumble?

You... you told me this thing would last for 200 years.

Not if it rains, Mr. Nash.

Well, did you expect a 200 year dry spell?

Uh.

Come on, boys.

I'm sorry, fellows, but anytime to... Tomorrow.

Hey, when I was a kid, I could hang by my heels.

Hello, uh, Harlow.

Hello, there.

There's an awful lot of shouting out here, dear.

What's the excitement?

Well, that was just Harlow going by.

- Here, let me help you. - Thank you.

There you go.

Thank you, Matilda.

- What's that? - Oh, it's a knife.

Well, I know it's a knife, dear. What are you going to do?

Well, I was going to use it to cut the...

Um, actually, it's nothing, dear.

- Come on. Let's go inside, huh? - Why, Elliott?

Well, it's just that I'm too uncomfortable

to eat out here, and besides,

the whole place is going to fall down.

Oh, honey, it is not.

What do you mean it is not?

Mr. Thorpe said the whole place is crumbling.

Oh, he called me about that, dear.

All we need are four or five little pieces

of wood to just put on the outside here

to frame this; If it doesn't rain

in a couple of hours, dear, it'll be all right.

Don't go so close over there, though.

Honey, you seem so worried.

- It's just that the rain- - now, you sit down.

Dear, are you stuck with a plot?

- Huh? - Yes. Yes.

Well, you want to tell me about it? Maybe I can help?

No, no, I'll work something out, something.

Elliott, you act like you're hiding something.

You're not, are you? Because I'll find out.

I have before.

Well, j-j-j... It's nothing, nothing, nothing.

All right.

To begin with, something pretty kooky

happened around here last night.

What do you mean, kooky?

Well, if giving your bathroom shower curtains

to Hungarian relief isn't kooky,

I'd like to know what is.

And that hole out here under the gazebo.

A hole, and a shovel...

Now, what is a shovel doing here, and...

I don't...

Elliott?

Hmm?

You buried something under the gazebo;

something you never wanted to see again.

The shower curtains!

Huh?

Yes.

You're kidding?

Yes. It's the shower curtains.

It really was?

Oh, Elliott.

Oh.

Elliott?

You are going to the theater with me.

- Aren't you? - Yes, honey.

But don't wear that old sweater.

- I won't. - Is Matilda in the kitchen?

Yeah, she's around here somewhere.

Elliott?

Hmm?

The gazebo.

Well, what about it?

Well, it needs something.

Yeah, like what?

I don't know.

It's so cold and bare.

It's so dead-looking.

Isn't it? Hmm?

Yeah, now that you mention it.

Elliott, what would you say if we put masses of flowers around the base,

something tall?

Lilies!

That's what it needs.

Honey, if I plant them, would you water them?

Ah, sure. Why not?

Then we could flood light it at night, huh?

Oh, yes. Then it would be

practically in the room with us then.

Where did I put that seed catalogue?

That's really something. Isn't it?

What?

Yes, it is, isn't it?

The Mcgruders drove by, and they just

fell in love with it.

Oh, that's fine. That's fine.

What's more, they are upping their price to $60,000.

60?

60,000?

Look. They got a deal.

They, they got a deal.

- What? - Yeah.

What about your wife?

What about her?

Oh, now honey, I just sold the house.

Now, uh, for $60,000. Now, I know how you feel...

- You did? - I know how you feel about it,

honey, but please don't let's argue.

- No, Elliott, I think it's wonderful. - Does that mean you don't mind?

No.

- Oh, darling. - What?

I've been awfully selfish.

You're a city boy, and with $60,000,

we can really live in the city.

Oh, thank you, Nell. Thank you.

- How long in escrow? - What do you mean, how long?

Two days, two hours, anytime.

I'll open some champagne, and we'll celebrate, hmm?

I have your check right here.

Good.

There's your deposit, $1,000,

and if you'll just sign this right here.

All right.

Thank you.

By the way, what made you

change your mind?

Well, I'll tell you if you promise never

to tell my husband.

It's that gazebo out there.

I made a terrible mistake.

It's absolutely hideous,

and it just ruined the view.

You know something? The Mcgruders feel the same way.

- Oh, really? - That's why they're moving it

down to the other end of the garden.

- Oh. - Where it stands now,

they are putting in a swimming pool.

Oh, a swimming pool; That'd be nice.

Yep.

They start digging on the day you move out.

I'm glad they liked you, too.

- Hi, there! - Well...

Hope you don't mind my barging in like this,

but lieutenant Jenkins down at headquarters asked me to.

Well, rather I asked him.

Harlow, what are you talking about?

Well, I thought you'd rather be questioned

by me than some police officer.

Questioned about what?

Now, this is just routine.

I want you to understand that,

but every name on Shelby's list,

they all have a cast-iron alibi

for the night of the murder.

Oh, and I haven't.

Is that what you mean?

I'm sure you have. That's why I'm here.

All right, Mr. District attorney,

I'll take the stand.

I swear to tell the truth, so help me I will.

What do you want to know?

Dan Shelby was murdered at approximately 9:30

last night.

Where were you at the time?

What time is it now?

9:28.

Well, there's your answer.

Mm-hmm.

You may step down.

Thank you.

You know, I don't think very much of your sense of humor, Harlow.

Oh, Elliott, Harlow said it was just routine.

- Oh, sure, routine, yeah. - That's all.

They still haven't found the murder weapon.

Until they do, well...

I presume you were home last night, right?

Yes. Right.

- You can prove that, of course? - Yes, of course I can prove it.

- How? - I can prove it by Matilda.

She left late.

Fine. What time was that?

It was about 8:30.

Oh.

It's only 35 minutes by train.

You still could have come into town.

Well, Mr. Thorpe saw me.

Well, fine. When?

It, uh, a little after 10:00.

I'm afraid that still doesn't quite clear you.

You could have been back by then.

Anybody else?

Uh, no.

I can't think of anybody else.

I can't think of anybody...

Well, don't look so depressed.

Maybe you're wrong about the time

Mr. Thorpe saw you?

Maybe...

Mr. Thorpe...

Well, what about him?

He said something about a hole

in the foundation,

and a shovel, and you told me

Elliott bought a shovel and a miner's hat.

Yeah.

When did you tell him that?

Now, I just mentioned...

You're on the wrong track, Harlow.

All Elliott did was Bury his shower curtains

under the gazebo.

Oh.

He did what with shower curtains?

It's a private joke, Harlow.

Something you wouldn't understand.

Well, you must admit it is a little difficult.

What do you mean, "a little difficult"?

There's no law that says a man can't Bury his shower curtains.

Is there?

- No. - Well...

Just the same, I'd hate to have to explain that

to lieutenant Jenkins.

Why? What would he say?

Yeah. What would he say?

Probably that something was wrapped up in them.

Possibly the murder weapon.

You know, I get the strangest feeling, Harlow,

that you're trying to involve me in something.

I'm just trying to establish your alibi.

Why would I want to involve you?

Well, I'll tell you why.

To trump up a lot of fake evidence against me;

sort of get rid of me for about 10 to 20 years,

sort of clear the field as it were.

Oh, now you're being silly.

Am I being silly?

Just ask Harlow. Ask him.

Okay, the questioning is now over, fini.

Oh, no. No, no.

Now, wait just a minute, Harlow. You let Elliott talk.

Now, go ahead, Elliott, just clear yourself.

- Go ahead, honey. - Darling, it's all right.

Now, ask him anything you want to.

Go ahead, Harlow.

Okay, if I don't,

somebody else will.

That's right.

Now, you own a gun.

- Don't you? - A gun?

Yes, he has a gun, and he has a permit for it.

Yes. I have a gun.

All right. Where's the gun, now?

It's uh, where it...

Let's see, I guess it's where it always is.

It's in the left-hand drawer of the desk.

That's right. Isn't it, Elliott?

Yeah. That's where it is.

- Is it there now? - Yeah, I guess so.

Matilda is working tonight. I'll just call her.

- You can talk to her yourself. - Honey, you don't have to.

Can we do it in the morning, dear?

Elliott, it has to be so.

Uh, what caliber is your gun, Elliott?

Let's see.

Uh, .38 is the caliber.

- Shelby was shot with a .38. - Oh?

Harlow, you've gone just a little bit too far.

Yeah.

Hello!

Oh, Matilda.

This is Mrs. Nash.

Mr. Edison would like to ask you something.

Just a minute.

Hello, Matilda?

Hello!

Yeah? What?

Matilda, would you look in the left-hand drawer

of Mr. Nash's desk, please, and tell me

what you find there?

Left-hand?

Uh, wait a minute.

Nothing but a piece of paper.

One, take tranquilizer.

What?

Two, open door.

Uh, n-not that one.

Not that one! No.

It's the left-hand drawer, Matilda.

Oh, okay.

Just some more papers.

All right, she says nothing there, but some...

- I heard. - Some papers.

- Anything else, Matilda? - Nope.

- Well, thank you. - You're welcome!

Well, it looks like you've misplaced your gun.

Well...

Where do you suppose it might be?

I don't know.

Well, it's certainly not under the gazebo.

Yeah.

Then you wouldn't have any objection

if lieutenant Jenkins took it in his head

to dig around under there tomorrow?

No. Let him dig.

- Boy, will he be surprised. - Now, just a minute.

Nobody's going to go digging under my gaze...

I'll get it.

Hello?

Yes. He's here.

It's for you, it's lieutenant Jenkins.

Edison here, yes.

Lieutenant?

You did?

When?

Where?

I see.

On top or underneath?

Uh-huh?

Yeah, well, wait for me. I'll be right down.

They found the murder weapon.

Yeah.

In a trash can on 6th Avenue.

There was one identifiable fingerprint

on the barrel.

Wh... whose?

An obscene little gentleman

known as Joe the black.

Joe the who?

The black, for blackmailer.

One of Shelby's partners, an old hand at the racket.

From all we can gather, it was Shelby

who supplied the list, and Joe who made

the collections.

So he was the one who... Who...

Who made the collection. Mm-hmm?

Obviously, he's also the one who knocked off Shelby.

Now, all we have to do is find him.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I gave you

such a bad time, Elliott.

- Oh. - It's amazing, isn't it?

How an innocent man could look so guilty?

Let that be a lesson to you, Harlow.

Bye, now.

Shower curtains under the gazebo?

Well, that was a lot of turmoil about nothing.

Joe the black...

Hmm.

Hmm, well, how do you like that,

Joe the black?

Why? Did you ever hear of him?

No. Not before tonight.

Well, I imagine they'll catch up

with him pretty fast.

They usually do.

Not with the head start he's got.

Yes?

Ready on stage, Mrs. Nash.

Oh, coming!

Honey, are you going to wait for me?

You bet I will.

Say, you couldn't manage to sprain your ankle

in this next number, could you?

- Hmm? - Well, you know, so we could

maybe get home a little early tonight.

Elliott?

This will be the fastest two acts in the history

of show business.

Good evening, Mrs. Nash.

Hey, is it raining outside?

No, I just took a little dip in the east river.

Rain?

Uh-oh.

Oh.

Hey, Eddie?

Yes, Mr. Nash.

Will you tell my wife I'll be in the bar across the alley?

Yes, Mr. Nash.

Checked it out through ballistics, lieutenant.

It's the gun that killed Shelby all right.

No question of it.

The only question is why.

Well, that's not too tough to figure.

Between the two of them, Joe the black and Dan Shelby

had collected close to $100,000.

Ah, Joe decided he'd prefer a one-way split,

and like the rat he is, he blasted his pal Shelby,

and flew.

There's one funny thing, though.

Joe bought a ticket on the plane for Miami last night.

What's funny about that?

He didn't use it.

Mr. Nash said he'd meet you in the bar across the alley.

- Oh, good. - It's raining pretty hard.

- I think you better take this. - Oh, is it?

All right, thank you, Eddie.

- Good night. - Good night, Mrs. Nash.

Mrs. Nash?

Yes?

Police officers.

Your husband still inside?

What do you want him for?

Just to ask a few questions.

Where is he?

Oh, he went home.

Okay, Mrs. Nash. We'll ask you.

Well, do you want to go to my dressing room?

No, I think it'll be better

if we go down to police headquarters.

Mmm, all right.

- Look out for the puddle, there. - All right.

Oh, my!

Eastside highway Boston post road.

Well, that's a long way around to police headquarters.

May I see your identification again?

Sure.

Well, nice to see we belong to the same lodge.

No, not anymore. They black-balled me.

Tell me, Mr. Uh...

Just call me Duke, huh?

Oh, how do you do?

Uh, this is my friend, Louis the louse.

Mr. Louse.

Mmm.

Where are we going?

We're giving you a lift home, Mrs. Nash.

- Oh, yeah? - And when we get there,

you and your husband are going to be real nice hosts

and show us what you did with our good pal,

Joe the black, who is now dead.

What?

Now, let's not be stupid, huh?

We tailed Joe to your place last night.

He went in, but he didn't come out.

Louis here thought he heard a gunshot.

I said it was a backfire.

Anyway, we bet two bits on it.

Now, wouldn't you like to settle it for us, huh?

Oh...

Okay. Plenty of time.

Excuse me.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Charlie, what's with my wife?

Are they rewriting the show in there or something?

Your wife?

Well, she left right after the last curtain.

What?

Still had her make-up on.

She was supposed to meet me here.

Well, she's gone.

Give me a beer, al.

Oh, hello?

Hello, darling.

Where are you?

What do you mean, where am I? Didn't you get my message?

Oh, yes, of course, darling.

I thought you had gone home.

I left word I'd meet you in the bar.

Didn't Eddie tell ya?

That's right, dear.

Eddie told me.

Well, what'd you go home for?

Because I thought you'd be here, sweet.

Darling, are you all right?

Uh-huh.

Of course not, darling.

Why should I be?

Goodbye, dear.

Was that casual enough for you?

When's he coming home? Hmm?

He's not, he's staying in town for the night

so you gentlemen might as well leave right now.

Yeah, yeah, as soon as you give us Joe.

Look, Mr. Duke, you're being a very foolhardy person.

All I'd have to do right now is to let loose with one good scream.

Do you know what would happen then?

Yeah, the louse puts a slug in your head.

Oh.

Maybe I should explain something, Mrs. Nash.

You see, our interest in Joe isn't entirely sentimental.

You see, Joe was planning to skip town last night

with the partnership assets,

a briefcase with a hundred g's inside.

Now, you wouldn't just have happened

to see that briefcase, huh?

No, I didn't see a briefcase, and I didn't see Mr. Joe;

neither did my husband.

Your husband knocked him off.

Don't be silly.

My husband is the kind of a man that takes cheese from mousetraps

so the mice don't get hurt.

I didn't say he knocked off a mouse.

I said he knocked off Joe.

Now, where's the briefcase?

Louis, let's have some coffee, and make it good and hot.

Mr. Nash, do you ever have boiling coffee

poured in your ear through a funnel?

I lay eight to five you don't like it.

Now, you wanna talk?

Louis?

Put the water on.

Mr. Olson's got to fix that.

Put it on!

Oh, I wouldn't advise that, Mr. Louse.

Put it on!

I told you I didn't advise it.

Let me try my treatment

on her just once, Duke.

I'll make her talk.

Yeah, and I guess we'll have to. You don't mind if I don't watch.

I'm kind of squeamish about these things.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, now, look.

For the last and final time, Mrs. Nash,

what happened to Joe?

Where's the brief...

That thing out there, where...

Where was it last night?

On a truck in the driveway.

When you cased the joint this morning, what'd you say they were doing?

Pouring cement.

Now, don't...

Don't go away, Mrs. Nash.

Oh, no.

Hey, look!

Well?

It's Joe, all right.

He's stiff.

See if he's got the dough on him.

Hurry up!

He's got a grip like a lobster.

He won't turn loose.

He always was a tight-fisted...

It's the cement. We'll have to bust it off 'em.

Come on, let's take him over into the light.

Hello? Hello?

Hello! Hello!

Oh!

Good night, Mrs. Nash.

Nell?

Nell!

Elliott!

Elliott, help!

- Nell? - Elliott!

- Nell, what happened to ya? - Untie me.

- Untie me, Elliott. - Wait a minute, honey.

- Wait a minute, dear. - Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

Nell!

What in the world happened to you, honey?

- There were two men... - Two men?

- And they came from the theater. - Two men?

They followed me out of the...

Elliott!

Elliott?

Elliott?

Ell... elliott!

Oh!

What... elliott.

Oh.

Oh, no!

Elliott! Elliott!

Elliott! Elliott!

Elliott, where are you?

Oh!

That's... uh...

Why, why, why?

No, no, no.

So it's only temporary.

I will not have him in my deep freeze!

Oh, Elliott, how could you do such a thing?

I just don't understand, and you, of all people;

a man who assists wounded pigeons.

All right. So I made a mistake.

- A mistake? - Yeah.

Elliott, you killed a man.

No. Shh! Please, don't remind me.

I'm aware of what I did.

By the way, where is Mr. Black now? What have you done with him?

- Oh, what's the difference? - Well, I want to know.

I don't want to go stepping on him or anything, where is he?

Well, I put him in the guest house.

- The guest house? - Yeah.

Elliott, you know I haven't cleaned in there in ages.

Oh!

No, I don't think he's going to mind.

Now, listen. There's only one thing...

Nell, there's only one thing to do, now.

We got to get a hold of Mr. Thorpe.

He's gotta come here, and he's got to straighten up

that gazebo, and then we got to take Joe

and put him back where he belongs.

Honey, we can't do that. They're going to dig there.

- Who's going to dig there? - The Mcgruders.

They're putting in a swimming pool.

What do you mean a swimming pool? You didn't tell me that.

Well, you didn't tell me you had converted

the gazebo into Grant's tomb.

I don't feel a bit good.

Honey, couldn't you call Hitchcock again?

No. No, honey.

- No. - No?

Ah!

I wished this had happened in Los Angeles.

For heaven's sakes, why?

They're always finding bodies out there.

They don't think anything of it.

You know what you've got to do now, don't you?

You've got to pick up that phone and call the police.

Do you know how many years

I'm liable to get for this?

Anything less than 20 is going

to be like a bonus to me.

Oh, not if you confess.

They'll be on your side.

- Please? - You know something, honey?

I have learned one thing.

I will never, as long as I live,

ever again write another murder mystery play.

The only thing I will ever write from now...

What am I saying?

The only thing I'll ever be doing from now on

is making brooms.

Oh, please don't say that!

Yes.

I can see it, now.

We're at grand central station saying goodbye,

and I want to put my arms around you,

but I can't because I'm handcuffed

to a detective,

and there you stand looking at me

through the gate, alone,

and then you turn and walk away, alone.

And then you come home, alone.

And then the first stinker that calls you is Harlow!

Elliott!

I don't trust him, honey.

I have never trusted him since the first moment I met him.

- Darling, darling? - What?

I want you to know something.

Every day, sometime, when I wake up

or before I go to bed... Maybe even driving

to the station... I say a prayer

of thanks for our life together.

Oh, honey. I never forget.

I never will.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I wrecked our boat, darling.

- I'm so sorry, I’m... - Oh, it doesn't matter.

But pick up that phone.

Make a phone call before it's too late.

All right.

Oh.

It's too late.

Oh, Elliott.

It's all right. It's all right.

Parker, check the front.

Bob, you and Max search the grounds.

You find anything, give me a blast.

Bring 'em along.

I'm sorry, I can't apologize for the intrusion.

This is lieutenant Jenkins, doctor Weiner,

our police surgeon, and sergeant Drucker.

These men you might know.

The police picked them up at the airport.

Is this the house?

Yeah.

You left it in this room?

- Yeah. - Where?

Right there.

Take 'em away.

All right, Mr. Nash. Where's the body?

- Well, it's... - What body?

How dare you accuse my husband!

It's all right, honey. It's all right.

Yes. What is it?

Elliott, as a friend,

a sympathetic friend,

I advise you to cooperate with the police.

I'll just bet you do.

Look, you were being blackmailed by Dan Shelby, weren't ya?

That's right. That's... Yes.

Well unfortunately, that's not grounds for murder.

What are you talking about?

I was only trying to protect my wife.

And in the process you happened to Bury

a man named Joe the black.

Uh-uh. No, no, no.

I buried a murderer named Joe the black.

There's a big difference there.

- You admit it? - That's-yes.

I-I admit it.

Where'd you Bury him?

- In the gazebo. - The what?

The ga-it's the summer house out there.

Gazebo... that's g-a-z-e-b-o.

Well, that checks.

Then when the boys dug him up, you put him away again, huh?

- That's right. - Where this time?

Well then, I put him in the guest house.

Hey, lieutenant.

We found him in a room over the garage

wrapped in shower curtains.

Well, I guess that settles it.

Yeah.

Where's the gun, Elliott?

There.

- One bullet fired. - Yeah?

You ready to make a statement, Mr. Nash?

- All right. - Take it down.

Let's go back to Thursday night.

About what time did Joe the black get here?

Yeah, well, I know it was 10:00,

and the room was quite dark.

Uh, mister, could I... May I borrow

that chair just a second here?

You see, I had this chair over here,

and the door was open, but he knocked.

I said, "come in!"

And he came in,

and I raised the gun up like this.

And I just about... I...

Well?

I plead the fifth amendment.

- You what? - I plead the fifth amendment

on the grounds it'll intend to incriminate me.

Elliott! You're out of your mind!

I plead the fifth amendment, and I refuse to answer

on the grounds it'll tend to incriminate me.

- Elliott, you can't do that! - Oh, yes he can.

Haven't you watched the congressional record probes?

He can do whatever he wants to do.

- That's right. Yeah. - Elliott, are you all right?

I refuse to answer on the grounds it'll tend to incriminate me.

Elliott!

He's flipped. He's ripped his buttons!

What are you trying to pull?

I refuse to answer on the grounds it'll tend to incriminate me.

You said you killed him!

I didn't say that! You said that!

You stood right there and told us!

Now, wait a minute! I said I buried him.

I didn't say I killed him.

Well, if you didn't kill him, why did you Bury him?

Because he was dead.

Can you think of a better reason than that?

Maybe I've flipped.

How did you know he was dead?

Because I took his pulse.

After you shot him?

Who shot him? I didn't say that.

You don't have to, Mr. Nash.

Now, have them run this through ballistics.

Have 'em check it against the bullet they found in the body.

The man's dead. We know that much,

and a bullet was fired from that gun.

Take me to that stiff.

Elliott, you didn't kill him?

- No. - How did you know?

When I was telling him what happened,

I look up here, and I see Herman, and he's pecking at this book,

and then I see the bullet hole.

- Look! See? - You missed him!

Yeah, of course I did, the bullet hit

up here, and the guy was standing right here.

Oh, darling! You never were a good shot.

I'm gonna find that bullet. It's up here somewhere.

Then what killed him?

It's pretty obvious what killed him.

We found this in his fist.

Apparently, he couldn't get it to his nose in time.

- What is it? - It's a capsule of amyl nitrate.

Bad heart cases carry them in cases of emergency.

A heart attack?

Very thoughtful murderer.

He saved the state a lot of money.

Something's screwy around here, very screwy.

Okay to take him to autopsy?

Yeah.

I still say there's something screwy.

Yeah. But do we have a case?

Look, I've got a .38 with a missing bullet, right?

- Yeah? - You show me that bullet,

and I'll show you a case.

Here it is.

Oh, you're gonna to show it to them?

Are you kidding?

If they knew I took a shot

at Joe the black, even though I missed him,

they'd say that he died of fright.

And that Jenkins out there'd hang me,

but as long as I have this, honey, I'm a free man.

- You see? - Oh, darling!

Honey, hold it. Honey, wait a minute.

Hold it. I dropped it.

I dropped the bullet.

Hurry up and find it, dear.

Look, look, look over there, and I'll just,

I don't see it. I don't see it.

Herman, drop that bullet!

Herman, it's not a peanut!

Herman, Herman. Come back here!

Herman! Please?

Don't drop it. Herman?

- That's not a peanut, Herman. - Herman, Herman!

- That's not a peanut. - Look here, Herman, here!

- Herman? - Herman, just drop it!

- Herman? - What's going on, here?

Uh, well my, uh, pigeon he got a hold of a bad peanut.

- What? - Herman?

Oh, Herman!

Herman, Herman.

Please, Herman?

Herman, please come back.

Look, Nash, there are still a few things I'd like to know.

Will you answer some questions?

Is he always like this?

All right, you didn't shoot Joe,

but you buried him. Why?

Because I didn't want the story of wife to come out.

What about the gun, huh? Where's that missing bullet?

Oh! Oh, Herman!

- Herman! - Herman, Herman!

Will you stay still for a minute?

Help him, help him get that pigeon.

No! Please! Nobody touch him!

Please? Please?

He's in a very delicate condition.

- There he is. - Elliott?

Oh, please don't touch him. I'll get him.

- I'll get him. Do you mind? - I'll get him.

Let me get him, please?

Oh!

He's flying!

He's flying!

There he is.

Oh!

Well, where were we, lieutenant?

No place. Exactly no place at all.

Now, it seems to me the only thing I can

be held for is burying a body without a permit.

Now, how many years can I get for that?

Just plead insanity, Mr. Nash.

We'd be afraid to hold ya.

Oh, he's circling around.

Well, now that all the excitement's over,

how about a little game of cards, hmm?

Harlow, if you don't mind, it's been a long day,

and Elliott's got to relax.

Go home!

Let's hope that pigeon keeps his mouth shut

over city hall, hmm?

Pigeons!