All language subtitles for s06e02

Darling, please,
you've kept me waiting

for 45 whole minutes!

This is torture!

Fran: No, sweetie,
torture is five years.

Hi, hubby.

Oh, my God, you look gorgeous.

( Chuckles )
Oh, I'm so glad you like it.

Now let me just take it off. I saved
the box. I'll return it tomorrow.

Wait, wait, wait, you don't have
to do that anymore, remember?

You're a wealthy woman now.

You can buy whatever
your heart desires.

Oh, are you good in the bedroom!

Oh, sweetie, do you realize

how long I've waited
for this moment?

Making love to my husband?

In my house, in my bedroom.

In my 20's.

( laughs )
I'm so funny.

( Fran laughs )

Oh, Max, oh, oh, Maximillian.

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Shef...

Shh!

Shush?

I'm sorry, darling, you were
getting a little too loud.

I'm too loud and now was the
time when you chose to tell me?

Well, perhaps I chose
the wrong moment...

You think?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.

I just wanted our first night in the house
from the island to be very special.

Just a little higher, honey.

You know you're really not
getting into it, darling.

You know, that's because
I keep waiting for the shush.

- I didn't shush you.
- But you were about to.

I had that feeling you
were holding back.

Any minute there was going
to be a big shush coming.

- Shh!
- There it is, there it is!

What are... what are you doing?

You know what?
I can't be with you tonight,

because our relationship
cannot afford one more shush.

So where are you going?

I'm going home to my mother's.

Why don't you just wait till
breakfast? She'll be here.

You know, I cannot believe how this
evening has just disintegrated.

Our first night here.

Boy, you know when we
were on the island, you

were really turned on
by the way I screamed.

In fact, you were so turned
on that you screamed.

Do you remember how we
screamed together?

Do you know how
precious that is?

Darling, it was different then.
We were alone on an island.

Well, we're alone here!
Except for this yenta.

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go, she was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make up
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair,
she was there ♪

♪ That's how
she became the Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father finds
her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are actually
smiling such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran ♪

( glass breaking )

I have a gun!

It's me. That's a lamb chop. Now give
it to me before someone gets hurt.

I know that trick.

What are you doing eating baby lamb
at 2:00 in the morning anyway?

I can't take a pill
on an empty stomach.

- What are you taking pills for?
- Indigestion.

Oh, Ma! Me and Max
had a horrible fight.

And it was on our first night,

when we were really together

as husband and wife
in our very own bedroom.

And I'll tell you,

just to make matters worse...
my God, these are like butter.

So what happened?

Max thinks I'm too loud
in the bedroom.

So eat quieter food.

( Crying ) Oh, Ma, I think my
marriage is falling apart.

I think he's wondering whether I'm
the right person for him or not.

I don't want to go
on and on but...

Did you marinate this
in zesty Italian?

Darling, if you want to have a
successful marriage, try to adjust.

Your father likes to speak Spanish to me
in the bedroom and it drives me crazy.

But meanwhile, I learned how
to say "I have a yellow pencil."

"May I have some extra
cheese on my enchilada?"

- "Where are my...?"
- Ma!

I know, it's very
enlightening to find out

that you can make love
and order from El Pollo Loco.

But can we please
get back to my life?

Look, if you want to have a good
marriage, it's about give and take.

Compromise. That's how you have
a long-lasting relationship.

Oh, Ma, you are so wise.
I love you.

And when it gets a little heated
up, why don't you do what I do?

You stick a hostess
Snowball in your mouth.

It keeps you quiet
for a good 30 seconds.

What do you do
with the rest of the time?

What rest of the time?

Oh, come on, please,
come out here and talk to me.

You've been in there forever.

All right, I'm sorry.

Do you think
I'm too old for bangs?

So what did I do
that was so wrong, eh?

Well, you don't talk
to me nicely.

- My birthday's come and gone...
- To her!

Well, was she right? I mean,
do you think I'm uptight?

- No.
- I won't fire you.

Yep.

But seriously, sir, you know,
marriage is a compromise.

Oh, yes, I know, I know.
And she's

passionate, aggressive,
exciting, and I'm...

Not.

Look, would it kill you just for
once in your life to be on my side?

I'm the one who
hired you in the first place.

I'm the one who lets you
get away with all the

little things you think
I don't know about.

Sometimes I wonder why
I bother keeping you on.

That's the passion.
That's what she wants.

That's the man
she's looking for.

Although I could live
without him.

I was just going out
to get some fresh bagels.

Yeah. Fran, we heard
the fight last night.

It happens your voice carries.

- All the way to your bedroom?
- Yeah, to Michigan.

All right, okay, it's true.

Your father
and I had a little tiff.

But I don't want you kids
to worry about it at all.

I mean, just because
I spent the night at ma's

does not mean that we're
going to be getting a divorce.

Well, then why did
daddy call his attorney?

- What?
- Kidding.

- Oh, Fran!
- Oh, hi, honey.

You know that pre-med student that I told
you about that I'm madly in love with?

Yeah?

Well, I got a date
with him tonight!

Oh! Honey, that's fabulous!

I know, and guess what?
He's Jewish.

Ah! I mean, ah.

I'm not mad
at you anymore, honey.

Where the hell's honey?

Ah!

Hi, sweetie. What's this?

Well, darling,
I heard what you said,

thought I'd try to be a little
more loosey-goosey.

Oh, sweets.

But you know, honey,

saying loosey-goosey

just means you're
not loosey-goosey.

And I wanted you to know that I
heard what you said too and, well,

( murmuring ) I'm going to try
and be a little more demure.

What?

Try and be a little more demure.

What?

I'm going to be more demure.

You know, darling,
I've had a wonderful idea.

What do you say we make arrangements
for the children tonight,

and have the whole
house to ourselves, huh?

That way when we come back
from a business dinner,

we can, er, party-hearty.

Oh, mother.
Just a hint, party-hearty?

Right up there
with loosey-goosey.

Oh, sweetie, you feel so strong.

Makes me feel so... demure.

- What?
- Demure.

Well, Brighton's out,
Maggie's out, oh, and Val,

thank you so much for getting
Gracie out with you tonight.

Oh, honey, it is no problem at all.
I just had to cancel a date.

Oh, no!
You had to cancel a date?

No, I just wanted to hear
what it sounded like.

Wow, Fran, you look gorgeous.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Sweetie, there's the door,
why are you walking that way?

Why are you sitting down? What are
you doing? You're making me nervous.

Fran, my new boyfriend's
coming over.

I thought you were going out.
Already he's here all the time?

Doesn't he have a home?

Fran, what are you saying? You want
me to go over to his apartment?

Can I trust you
at his apartment?

Well, you raised me.

You're going to her house.

What, Val's? She doesn't
even have her own room.

She lives on her parent's couch.

You'll have privacy.
I just got the accordion door.

I get it. You want everybody out of
the house so that you and dad can...

Ugh!

Everyone's a critic.

( Coughing )

Niles.

What are you doing home on your night
off rubbing and coughing like that?

I think I'm coming
down with something.

Oh, you know what
would be perfect for that?

A night at the Waldorf Astoria,
all expenses paid.

Room service, Jacuzzi,
special movies.

Oh, I'm just feeling so awful I don't
think I could make it into the taxi.

Well, how about a limo?

Stretch?

You know, so I can lie down.

Fine. Fine.
Oh, and, Niles, by the way,

you know, when I used to pull
this act with Mr. Sheffield,

I got per diem, too.

I can assure you,
this is not an act.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

What are you doing
all dressed up?

I have a business dinner
with Max.

Didn't you assume that he was going
to be taking his wife along?

Well, it would be pretty hard,
considering she's dead.

Oh, you meant you.

Miss Babcock, you know,
now that Max and I are married,

I think that it would really
be much better for your health

if you would just go out
and get a life.

Make friends,
meet people, move on.

No.

I want him, he's mine, and nobody
is going to take him from me.

And I will tell him
that to his face.

Tell me what?

What a stunner your wife is.

You know she's right, darling,
you are stunning. Very classy.

And don't think your effort to
compromise has gone unnoticed.

Oh, sweetie, I know how important
this evening is to you.

- Do you really?
- Yes.

Because in the past, every time
a writer has had to choose

between me and Andrew Lloyd Webber,
they've always chosen... not me.

Oh, honey. You're a wonderful
producer. Don't doubt yourself.

And, you know, this time Webber's out of
town so he won't even be at the party.

Oh, my God, you might
really have a shot!

That's why it's important we don't take
any souvenirs from Wendell's house.

Honey, that's why I took
my demure purse.

Look, I'm your wife now.

If you want conservative
and classy, you've got it.

Mmm, these are delicious!
You know what,

I'm just going to take a few home so
my mother can recreate it with scrod.

Darling.

All right, already, I told you,
sir, the recipe would suffice.

Thank you.

Darling, I've just been having
a word with Wendell Kent,

and at the risk of sounding
immodest, he loves me!

Oh, of course he does, my darling, and
that's why you're going to get the job.

What's he need with that guy who brought
"Cats" and "Phantom" and "Sunset"...

You know what, I'm going
to shush myself now.

Maxwell, look who I found!

Ah, Wendell, I'd like you
to meet my lovely wife.

Yes, she's already
introduced herself to me.

Oh, Wendell, you misunderstood.

No. No, Wendell.
This is my lovely wife.

- Ah.
- How do you do?

The lady who's making every
woman in the room jealous.

( laughs )

Is that because I'm married
to such a handsome husband?

Actually, it's the way you
look in that dress.

- Especially from the back.
- ( laughs )

Stop it, you're embarrassing me.

Now I can't even look at you.

Oh, honey! Honey! You did it!
Wendell wants you to do his play!

Yes, I know, I know, I know! And I
couldn't have done it without you!

Oh, I always want you by
my side. Now go.

- Why?
- Because I have to.

Oh, I'm with you. I just want
to powder my nose anyway.

Honey, it's a very classy joint.
I'd pick up the lid.

What's the matter, sweetie?

Too uptight to go
in front of me?

Me? Uptight? No. No.

Oh, good.

Oh, honey, you know,

I just wanted to say, if ever
we outgrow the townhouse,

boy this place is the kind of place
we should move into. Man it's...

Get out!

I can't do it! I can't do it, all right?
I admit it, I am uptight.

Now please, I had two
very large martinis. Go.

Okay, okay, yes, I hear you.

Marriage is all
about compromise.

This will just be something that
you'll have to get used to gradually.

No, never. There are certain intimacies
that should never be shared.

But I'm your wife.

Yes, I know, darling, and I love
you very much. But I'm English.

And in my country, people don't
go in front of their wives.

Well, what's it
a law or something?

Yes, it is. Why do you think
Henry VIII had so many wives?

They kept walking in on him.

I'm sorry, but this isn't as if I was
trying to invade your space or something.

- I just want...
- I'm about to explode!

All right!
I'll give you your privacy.

I'm going, okay. Oh!

Hi.

Boy, you never know a person until you
go through their medicine cabinet.

No bromo, no Tagamet,

no little soap balls
from Sheridan Hotel.

Obviously not
a Jewish household.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

Oh, well, this is just
ridiculous. Help!

Shh!

Again? You're shushing me?

I don't want anyone
finding us in here.

Do you know what
they'll think we're doing?

Tinkling?

God, that's worse than thinking
what I thought they'd be thinking.

You know, you either let me call
for help or you learn how

to tinkle in front of your wife.

Those are your choices.
( hisses )

Stop it! You're insane!

I'm insane? I can't scream, you can't go
to the bathroom in front of your wife,

what do you want me to do?

You almost done yet?

Just one more second, darling.

Oh, honey, you should see
the master bedroom suite.

Fran:
Ooh!

Oh, they have that
comforter set that I wanted

and the sales lady said
it didn't come in cane.

Oh, you know, if they have there those
truffles too half-full well, aah!

( Screaming )

Oh, my God!

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

We commit thy servant,
Wendell Kent, to you.

Try and be a little
positive, I mean,

I heard that Wendell left the
rights to his plays to his wife.

I think you still
might have a shot.

You landed on her husband
and crushed him to death.

What kind of shot
do you think I still have?

Don't be such a negative-Ned.

Meanwhile, you're here. I don't see
Andrew Lloyd Webber paying his respects.

He doesn't have to. His wife
didn't crush Wendell to death.

I'm sorry I crushed your writer.

It was a freak accident.
These things happen.

I'm lucky that I walked away
with just this.

It hurts much worse
than it looks.

That's the widow.

We move...

None of this would
have happened if we

weren't trying to change
each other so much.

I don't know about that.

Well, let us just recap,
shall we?

You tried to loosen up, I tried to be
demure, and an innocent man is dead.

Now I just say that we learn to live
with each other exactly the way we are,

or senseless bloodshed
shall continue.

There's practically no one here.

Well, honey, what do you expect?
The man was hardly a saint.

I mean, he cheated on his wife,
stole money from his family...

That's the mother.

Can we go?

( Max laughing )

Oh, good God!

What's he doing?

He's reading the play he
lost to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

- Hey, it sounds hysterical.
- Mm-hmm.

Fran!

- Tell him I'm working!
- No, your his wife now.

Tell him I'm spending.
I'm spending.

Fran, you've got to read this.

This... this play is hysterical.

You're happy? Why?

Because it's a drama. I'd have lost my
shirt if you hadn't fallen on Wendell.

- Really?
- Yes!

( Both laugh )

Both:
May he rest in peace.

( Jazz music playing )