Original subtitles

Good morning, Miss...

-Come here, you pig. -That's a racist insult, Miss.

The Holy Quaternity

I'm bored of him. I can't help it.

Miss, do you think someone will take me for Christmas?

No. Only if you're a good boy.

We've been together six years.

The worst thing is knowing exactly what it'll be like.

He'll undress me, lie me down on my tummy,

caress my back three times and stick his finger inside me.

Every time.

So when he caresses my back three times

l always know what's coming next.

At least he switches fingers. Otherwise it's really boring.

- Boring, boring, boring... - Yeah.

Boring, boring, boring...

- Hi! - Hi.

Johanka is going to sleep here tonight, OK?

Marie doesn't mind?

l don't know.

- Hi, bro. - Who are you writing to?

- Just some pedophile. - He's chating with Anichka.

- He has been for ages. - But she's fifteen.

- Were you in church today? - Yes.

Are you going to sing at midnight Mass this year?

- Why wouldn't I? - I just wondered

- If you still enjoy it. - Of course I do.

Are you chating with Anichka?

Fifteen is a lot better than if she was fourteen, isn't it?

Hold on...

You think they've already...?

What?

You know...

- Are you scared to say it out loud? - No, but...

- Say it, then. - You know what l mean.

No, they haven't slept together yet.

As far as l know.

You should hang out with some real people,

- not those electronic ghosts. - I have real friends, mum.

Can I sleep over at Lukas's place tonight?

- You slept there last night, didn't you? - Mum...

What's the silence for?

lt's not me who's going out with Anichka.

lt's your son, though.

And your other boy is sleeping with the older one, isn't he?

- A great family you've got there. - Thanks.

- Kind of virile huh? - What do you mean?

- It's in your genes, isn't it? - What?

Sowing your oats.

Yeah. I don't do so much sowing these days, though.

-You know what l mean. -Yeah, l do.

What can we do about it?

-l don't know. -Hmm.

So our kids are getting it on and we...

How much?

-Forty-four. -ls that all?

In the second draw the following numbers were drawn:

22, 49, 16, 18, 5, 10 and the bonus number 30.

In the game of Chance the following six numbers

How can you bet on the same numbers for ten years,

when they let you down every week?

That's the whole point. Not changing it.

- Hi. - Hi, girls.

Lt must have been horrible with all that wind today.

Nothing special.

- Supper at our place tonight. - Yes.

-This evening, then! -Bye!

Come here

-Cut it out. -I'll open it.

-Beer? -Yeah.

-Me too. -Not for you.

Tough luck, lad.

-Do you want some? -You bet l do.

You girls are such babes.

You wouldn't say no, would you, you old stud?

-Calm down, Johanka. -But really, look at them.

Not long ago they were just kids, and now...

-And now they're babes. -Aren't they?

- Dad... - What?

You're embarrassing.

Why am l embarrassing? -You are.

You just don't realise it yet. The worst possible combination.

OK, l take after my dad, see?

Being embarrassing is in our genes. You can look forward to it.

-That's enough. -Whose foot was that?

- What? - Nothing, then.

My feet are in my slippers.

Tuck in.

Ondra?

What?

- l love you. - Good night.

Boring, boring, boring.

Boring, boring.

Boring, boring, boring.

- Hi. - Hello.

- The Bahamas, Cuba. Here. - ls the blue bit the sea?

No, that's the area destroyed by the hurricane.

Why don't you send some Americans or Brits? They're closer.

Well.. Even before the hurricane the wiring wasn't great.

So no foreign insurance company will insure anyone for this work, right?

Because it's dangerous?

Come on, guys, it's the Caribbean other'S would jump at the chance.

- What will we say at home? -That won't be a problem.

lt's a work trip.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven...

...twenty-three, twenty four, twenty-five, twenty-six... Aah!

-What are you counting for? -Good.

The urologist told me that if l don't reach twenty-five,

I've got a prostate problem. For sure. Getting old sucks.

-They said they'd be home. -Come on.

Maybe they're next door.

Mum!

- Wait. - Hi!

Jesus, climbing overt his all the time. Come here!

We don't want to disturb you.

Don't take your coat off, we're not staying.

-Come in, sit down. - Hi.

Our genes have arrived.

- Hi, grandma! - Hello.

-We won't stay long. - Of course not.

Marie's been baking again, will you have some?

-Thanks, but we've already eaten. -We're not staying, leave it.

Please give this to my son, OK? He wouldn't take it from me.

Let's go.

What is it? - For a fence.

You're the only ones who don't a fence between you.

-It's a disgrace. -We don't need a fence.

We don't even want a fence between us.

But mother is right.

You need a fence. We couldn't help you out before.

How could we when we didn't have a thing?

As I said, we just couldn't. Now we can help and we're doing so.

-All our lives we saved for a house. -If we can't help out, we won't.

-That goes without saying. -That's what I said.

Dad, it''s kind of you, but well take care of the fence ourselves.

Sure. We can auction Anichka's virginity on the internet, right?

You'll have to hurry, then. Hey, Adam?

No luck again, right?

List of winnings and the jackpot...

I won eighty thousand.

What shall I tell dad? Don't you like any of them?

-What's there to like about a fence. -Yeah, it's hard with my parents.

Are you looking forward to it? - To what?

-That island. -Some island...

Deserted and twice destroyed by a hurricane.

I had a look on the internet, it said it's 27 degrees there.

-Too hot. -At night. Right now.

Why aren’t you taking us with you? With your winnings.

You think we're going on holiday?

-It's a work trip. - Exactly.

-We'll be working all day. -Yeah. And at night?

-When will you return from bowling? -Early. - Late.

-Could Anichka sleep over tonight? -No.

-Thanks. -Thanks.

What about the kids?

If we take you with us, what are they going to do, all alone?

What kids? They're not kids anymore.

No, they're not.

Nice one.

Freezing, hey? We'll get warmed up in a week.

-Hi. -Hello.

Hello.

What's in the picture?

It's got spines for carrying apples on.

A dog?

A mole.

Adios, amigos.

See you, kids.

Right, then.

Come on then.

You go there...

Jesus, that's heavy.

- Now that's a great fence! - Yeah.

Let's go! Let's go!

-You wear socks in bed? -I also wear socks in bed.

You're both pings.

No chocolate one left. Just vanilla.

-As always. -Bon appetit.

This isn't electric wiring. It's an electric chair.

Fuck!

-What are you doing? -Nothing.

It's live.

Do you like Marie as a woman?

Yes. Sure.

But I can control myself.

And you like my wife, don't you?

Yes.

Sure.

But you'll control yourself as well, right?

I’ll try.

Or we could try giving in to our desires.

Both of us, of course.

That's got you interested, huh?

You pimp.

-Marie goes to church every Sunday. - I know.

-You're playing with fire. -Why?

If your God-fearing little lady tries it with me,

she won't ever want to go back.

Well, then, I'm willing to risk it.

Healthy male self-confidence, it's called. Have you got any?

-You're being serious. -Well, have you?

Of course I have.

Cut it out, man! -Ow!

Maybe we'll have an exciting romance here.

Who with? There's nobody here.

Maybe that needn't be an obstacle.

Yes it is.

So when, if not here and now?

What?

As a group?

All four together?

Sure.

Give me ten minutes to fall in love with you, then.

Joking won't get us a foursome. Are you up for it?

Look, even if something comes of it, which it won't,

don't do anything behind my back. OK?

Don't turn onto your side, then.

Nothing on the side, then.

Rule number one: one room all together all the time,

and when we go to sleep keep our hands where l can see, them.

Rule number two: there'll be no falling in love.

Deal.

-The full works, yeah? -Everything.

-Even...? -You can forget about that,

I did that once with Marie and it wasn't much fun.

In that case it’s taboo for you too.

Why?

Isn't it a bit much the way you keep staring at Dita?

You're imagining it.

I don't mind, I'm just wondering if it bothers her.

Do I stare at her?

-Your eyes are all over her. -You think so?

-Can you imagine it? -Can you?

-I ask first. -I know you want to anyway.

You do, too, don't you?

Jealous?

A little. But much less than I'd expect.

You're not jealous at all, are you?

Not of Marie.

I's be happy for her.

Yeah. And for yourself as well, right?

For myself as well, but also for Marie.

Yeah.

Right.

Look, even if it works out,

which it won't, because we know what Marie's like,

I always want to be there, right?

Of course.

You Swear?

I swear.

But why?

Just because you want to be in control or do you want to watch?

I just want to be there.

Like when the doctor's taking a blood sample

I watch where they are putting the needle.

Well, that wasn't the best example, but...

I just want to be there.

-What? -Nothing.

Stop looking at me like that.

-Like what? -Like that.

Come on.

Look!

-Nice! -A nice bit of wood.

Girls...

What?

Why don't you do a striptease for us?

-No chance. -And why not?

Because I've got love handles.

Ondra happens to like your love handles, don't you?

-I only have eyes for you, my love. -Bullshit.

Be honest.

Ondra was just saying today,

and I quote, that he really likes Marie.

-Isn't that right? -Yep. He knows.

We all know that I feel the same about Dita, don't we?

-Really? -Yeah. And I don't mind at all.

You know, Marie, I don't mind either that Ondra likes you.

Far from it.

We only live once.

No... just no. I'm not some hedonist.

No, you aren't. I think you're beautiful.

-What's a hedonist? -That's when...

We wanted to experience something different than...

a fence.

It can't happen like this. Your foursome.

-Our foursome. -Whatever. Ours, then.

Hey, she said ours.

So how should it happen? A foursome. How exactly?

I don't know... More spontaneously.

People have to get used to each other first, don't they?

That won't be a problem.

What are you doing here?

I want a shower.

We've got to get used to each other.

What are you scared of?

That it'll all go wrong. This kind of experiment never works.

But I think it could work out.

Since we all like each other so much.

Sorry to bring it up again, Marie,

but have any of you ever had a foursome?

I'll tear your head off if I find out you have.

I haven't even had a threesome.

-What about you? -He hasn't either, obviously.

What do you mean, "obviously"? Why "obviously"?

And you?

Jesus, you know full well I haven't , why are you testing me?

Me? Are you out of your minds?

Exactly.

That's where we're at.

I've got lots of friends who've been faithful

to their husband for twenty years, and they're fed up.

You've got some sand there.

It's hot.

-She doesn’t want to. -Yes she does, but passively.

Maybe Marie could just watch.

I don't approve of that at all. That would be totally unfair.

-We can just cuddle, then, can't we? -But I will feel really shy.

She said "I will". Did you hear that?

-Meaning? -She said '''I will'.

Cut it out.

I'm shy, too. That's what so nice about it.

Why should we feel shy?

If we're making each other happy.

And sex is happiest, dammit.

Don't curse, please.

-Wait... -Ow.

It's morning, lover boys.

Good morning.

-You've dribbled on me. -Sorry.

I'll give you both a kiss once you've brushed your teeth.

What's that? -My own wife bit me.

Where is she?

-Where is she? -Marie?

Today's Sunday, so she's in church.

Can I do this before I brushed my teeth?

-Hi! -Hi. How are you?

-How are things? -Yeah, fine.

-Good be with you, brother... -Don't blaspheme.

If you don't believe in God, it doesn’t mean you can ignore Him.

It's the same with electricity - a wire may be disconnected,

but you still have to treat it as if it were live.

Are you OK?

I'm starving.

So let's go eat.

I'd like to say something. Something important.

-The honeymoon's over, isn't it? -No, it's not that.

But hear me out, please.

Yesterday was really... Does it hurt?

- A little. -Sorry.

No, it was really...

I'm no good at talking about this stuff.

We don't have to talk about it. I'd say it was nice. Very nice.

-Yeah, but it mustn't become... -A habit, you mean.

Hmm. It has to stay special, like a holiday.

Like Christmas, you mean?

-That's just once a year, though. -Sunday is also a holiday.

You idiots. I know what Marie means.

-Like a holiday, OK? -I've got something to say as well.

We all know that these things never work out, but it has for us.

We really love each other.

That's wonderful. -Yes. Nobody's making a scene,

it's great how you're both handling it.

Compared to you, other guys are jealous, insecure egomaniacs.

-I couldn't have put it better myself. -I really mean it.

-Thanks. -Thanks.

We've experiencing what millions of married couples dream about.

And we should thank our lucky stars for that.

I hope you lit a candle in church.

-Sorry, I'm a jerk. -Yeah, you are.

Your husband can be a jerk, but I like him.

-You see? It's working. -Hey...

Have any of you had a sixsome?

-How does a sixsome happen? -Not by talking about it.

You can't count me out of your sixsome.

-I'm not some... -Hedonist.

What do you think?

-What is it? -It's a fence.

Aha.

Don’t you like it?

What's wrong with it?

It looks like you stole it from a rubbish tip.

So what? We can repaint it.

Imagine what a surprise it'll be for them. Or we can repaint it.

Jesus Christ.

Lights!

Finished!

-Hey... -Yeah?

What's the day today?

I don't know exactly, but one thing I know for sure...

-That... -Today...

-Today is... -A holiday!

Holiday!

-Hi! -Hello.

-They like it, see? -It was obvious they'd like it.

Just like I said.

-Well? -Basically its...

Well, it's...

-Isn't it? -Well, I mean...

Well, well.

We can be glad it's...

-Nice color. -That too.

-Most of all it's got... -Style.

-Cheers. -Here.

Thank you. OK, I've got it.

-Well then? Was it nice? -Yeah.

Did you have a nice time?

We had a lovely time.

What's up?

What do you mean? Nothing. Fine.

Jesus!

-That one's really black. -Grandma's racist.

Who's racist? I'm looking at him and he's black.

-Yeah, all of him. -That's right.

I can't believe my eyes, mum.

Goddamn! What a sex bomb.

Even the priest wouldn't say no to that.

-The priest doesn’t know... -What?

The priest doesn't know the first thing about life.

Why wouldn't he like it? Of course he'd like it.

Going without all his life, so if he got the chance...

Yeah, yeah... Why are you getting so worked up?

-I'm not... -Right...

-Right, girls, let's go, OK? -Is that all?

-I'm a bit tired from the journey. -Does anyone want another drink?

Vitek!

-Hi! -You'll wake the kids. -We just wanted to say good night.

Good night.

Oh oh. What are we playing at?

Conjugal sex, darling.

Surrogate sex.

After twenty years all sex is surrogate, baby.

So that makes me a surrogate baby.

-Maybe the change will do us good. -Definitely.

But if you call me Vitek,

then there'll be no surrogate sex ever again, got that?

God, I'll have to concentrate like mad.

Just stop talking, sweetheart.

-You can call me ''Marie'', I won't mind. -Shut up.

-You know today is? -An inspection?

-An inspection? -Yeah.

-A holiday. -Holiday!

-Why do they close so early? -Because we're their only customers.

-That's true. -Bye.

-Are your parents still up? -Probably watching TV.

Bye!

-Bye! -Good night!

-What time is it? -That's too much.

When were you meant to be home? -At eleven.

-And what's it now? -Ten.

So hurry up then. Off to bed. Eat well. I mean, sleep well.

Good night.

-We have to be more careful. -I am careful. - No you aren't.

We met at the post office and he touched my tummy.

What are you doing touching my wife's tummy?

Look, normal people... great each other in other ways.

And Onda tried to kiss me on the street.

What are you doing kissing my wife on the mouth?

I gave her a hug, it wasn't like that.

Thank you.

Why are you pondering his first?

Do you want to go sledging with me on Saturday?

-Sure. But I can't. -Why not?

Because I'd be braking rule number one.

And what's that?

Nothing behind his back. We can't be alone together.

We won't be alone, the whole children's home will be there.

Why shouldn't they go sledging together?

I won't tolerate them sledging together.

What's rule number two, then?

No falling in love. That's obvious, isn't it?

That's mum.

Thank you.

-Hello there! -Hello.

-Where are the boys? -At the cinema with the girls.

Aha.

The cinema's been closed for two months.

-Really? -Yes.

Sorry, not today...

-Hi, mum. -Good morning.

I said we'd get a tree ourselves this year.

Family traditions shouldn't be broken.

Even if it means you having a heart attack, right?

-I've got something to tell you. -Go on.

I wasn't exactly a saint in my life either, was I?

-I know, that's not news. -You don't know jack.

You didn't live with us for around two years.

-That doesn't mean that... -I'm not dumb.

How to explain it to one who never worked in a textile factory...

You spend all the day climbing pylons,

you see a woman just in the paper shop first thing.

-And she's ugly. -She's not that bad.

I worked night shifts with sixty horny women.

-Please spare me the details,OK? -It wasn't funny,

fighting the temptation. I was under attack.

-Really? -Yes.

Look, what I'm trying to say is...

-I understand, but... -What do you understand?

Family traditions shouldn't be broken, but...

Christ, just be careful, OK?

Careful of what?

Jesus, it's written all over your face.

-What is? -"I love Marie, I'm crazy about her."

Written in big fat letters.

Really? Is it that obvious?

Are you OK, grandpa? Not too tired?

Don't worry. I'm fine.

Hey, dad, we have to tell you something.

I'm embarrassing and I don't realise it?

Well yes, actually.

Vitek is up to something with mum.

We saw them kissing. When they were out sledging.

I forbade them to go sledging. I specifically said "no sledging".

-Is that all you wanted to tell me? -Isn't that enough?

That's hardcore.

You're not going to stand for this, are you?

-But, dad, it's like... -If you let your best friend

mess you about like that, then in my eyes you're not a man.

Don't you want me to explain?

-We just wanted you to know. -So you won't feel embarrassed.

Come on, dad, if you're the only one who doesn’t know...

Thank you.

It's pretty cool of you to take it like that.

Other men would make a scene, and you're cool about it.

-Don’t blame mum, that's all, OK? -For God's sake, "don't blame mum"!

-I don't intend to. -You swear? -I swear.

Because it's not her fault either. It's nobody's fault, dad.

How do you mean?

Sleeping with the same person for twenty years...

Sorry, you've got to admit...

I do understand. I've also slept with the same person for twenty years.

-Yeah, but that's different. -Jesus Christ...

And you should understand that...

-I'm seeing Marie. -Marie?

-Auntie Marie? -Yeah.

But Vitek knows, of course, and dad knows too.

-You've liked swapped or... -We've just spiced things up.

Spiced things up...

One day "'ll explain. Come on, I'm cold. I want a coffee.

Come on.

-Spiced things up? -They've just...

-Do I have to listen to this? -Well, you started it.

-So you think it's fine? -If they can deal with it, yes.

I think it's not fine.

But it's out of love. Just look at them.

-They're embarrassing. -And they don't realise it, huh?

Has it never occurred to you we could spice things up?

-And who with? -I don't know.

Some nice, sexy young couple.

I see you've got it all worked out.

Not really. Has it never occurred to you?

I wouldn't be able to deal with the other guy.

But you could deal with the other girl, huh?

Yeah. I wouldn't have a problem with her.

Of course.

-Why should God understand adultery? -Cool it, sis.

But it wasn't adultery. Can't you explain it to her?

How should I explain it to her?

If you're going to flaunt yourselves tomorrow, I'm not going.

But I'd like to see you sing, Anichka.

Mum would like to see you sing.

No... just no.

OK then.

I understand it's a shock, but why are you crying?

Because it's disgusting.

Is that why you've been crying for an hour and a half?

Don't you find it gross?

When I imagine my mum with your dad...

I find it ridiculous, really.

-It makes me want to puke. -It's not that awful.

What would you do if they were in a plane crush?

Look. When I was fifteen

the thought of my mum and my dad made me want to puke.

If you don't think about it's OK. Just don't think about it.

While we grafted on that fence for two weeks,

they were in God-knows-where...

-What? -What do you think?

-Fuckig like rabbits. -Do you mind...

The most important thing is we have the fence.

When you were God-knows-where I was struggling with the kids.

-And you had your textile factory. -Oh, please!

I was under attack.

You poor thing.

Good Lord.

I also had a kind of commune once.

What commune?

You know what student residences are like.

We all kind of loved each other too.

Hold on, how do you mean? All together?

-Yes. -Good. God...

And you're only telling me now...

-You poor innocent. -... a nice Christmas present.

Don't get all work up Forty-five years...

Exactly, hearing about this after so many years.

-Darling? -What?

Come on...

Don't push me, I'll end up in the water.

Cut it out. People should love each other, shouldn't they?

Yes.

-Come and give me a hand, Honza. -Now you're really going too far.

What is it? An exhibition or something?

Nothing. We've got two Nativity cribs, that's all.

-I was against it. -I thought it was funny. -Me too.

-We have two Marys... -Two Josephs...

-Two baby Jesuses... -Two angels...

-Two donkeys... -Two cows...

-Two sheep... -Six kings...

-The holy sextet. -The holy sextet?

Good Lord, that's funny, isn't it?

It's done!

We went wrong somewhere, that's obvious.

Subtitles ripped by JJD @ 2014