All language subtitles for Hold.Your.Peace.2011.BDRip

Janice.

Hello.

How is our favorite
professional liar this evening?

It's lawyer, dear.

Thank God you teach
history and not spelling.

Mm-hmm Oh.

Anything for me?

Shit.

I know.

It blows goat, right?

Did you know about this?

No, not even a hint.

Not that he would
tell me, that whore.

Careful now, I used
to date that whore.

Two points.

First, I meant that it's not
a surprise he wouldn't tell me

given the circumstances,
and that's

why he's a whore, figuratively.

Not figuratively.

And second, you still carry
a big ol' flame for Max.

No evidence.

Leave the lawyering to me.

You stick to dealing with
your little middle schoolers.

Oh, speaking of,
Lance is coming over

to help me with my lesson plan.

Great.

Let's make my day
that much worse.

If you weren't such
a stick in the mud you

two would get along a
hell of a lot better.

I have no interest
in hanging out

with your little
twinkle teaching buddy.

It's too bad.

He said you're kind of hot.

I don't date 18-year-olds.

He is 25, and you know it.

OK.

I'll take your word for it.

What's wrong now?

David just called,
and he canceled.

Aw, I'm sorry.

You can find another best man.

I know.

It's just not what I needed.

Don't worry about it.

Tell you what.

Here.

Babe.

Make a list of every guy you
think'll make a good best man.

Aw, I have better stuff
to do than that today.

There's no time
like the present.

Yes, sir, Mr.
Drill Sergeant, sir.

Don't be like that.

You'll feel better if you
just take of the problem now,

I promise, my love.

Whatever.

Hey.

I love you.

Now get.

He was so drunk he couldn't find

his way back to the dorm room.

He ended up sleeping
in the common area

with the smelly fat kid.

Awww, poor
smelly fat kid.

I know.

With all the drums.

I'm sorry I thought
that you guys had

some actual work to accomplish.

Oh, we're done.

Um, now we're just telling
stories at your expense.

Awesome.

Aw.

Who's that?

Aw, that's Max.

That's Aiden's
one that got away.

Ooh, dish.

No, they'll be no
dishing of any sort.

I'm sorry,
he's sensitive.

Max is getting married
in a couple months.

Whatever I'm not even going.

You are so still in to him.

See, even he can tell.

For your information I can't go.

I don't have a boyfriend.

That's dumb.

No, he's right.

You've got to have a
better date than the groom.

It's like a rule.

You know what I would do?

What?

I would stop caring what my ex
thought, and I would go anyway.

But we both know you're
still hung up on him.

I am not.

It's understandable.

They were together
for four years.

Real years, or gay years?

Um, real years.

What are gay years?

It's a conversion factor of
four months to a gay year.

That way you can compare them
with straight relationships.

Is this real?

Don't look at me.

What about lesbians?

They just move in
after the second date

and call it forever.

Aw.

Why do I have to have
a best man anyways?

Here.

Put this away please.

I mean it's not even
legal, so why do we have

to conform to the tradition?

Because we'll look
stupid if there's three

guys standing at the alter.

Well, cancel the check.

Babe, don't be like that.

I have one person
left on this list.

So why are we arguing?

Just call him.

Whatever you say.

See, that wasn't
so hard, was it?

Now no more talking.

Let's get some sleep.

We got a lot of
work do tomorrow.

I love you.

Uh-huh.

Mm.

This is Aiden.

Aiden, it's Max.

Max, hey.

How are things?

Good, great.

How
are things with work?

Fine.

Look, I'm
calling about the wedding.

Oh yeah, I think I
read something about

that the gay mafia circular.

Save it.

Look my brother canceled on
me, so I don't have a best man.

Oh.

Maybe you could ask
your dad, or Mark maybe?

I'm trying to ask you.

Me?

Are you sure?

I mean, I'm really
honored everything, but...

Do you really think
I would be asking

you if I had any other option?

OK, I'm going to give
you an A for balls,

but an F minus in buttering up.

Just think about it.

I don't know, Max.

Look, you can stay with
Forrest and I at his lake house.

You won't have to get a
hotel room or anything.

I don't know, I mean I'm
honored and everything.

It's just that We haven't
really spoken since...

Just think about it.

I'm really in a pinch here.

And I could really use
your help right now.

OK, I'll think about.

Call me back. Please.

OK.

Bye.

Jesus Christ.

Hey sexy.

The yoga buddies are back.

Well, if it isn't the little
pink wonder, and Janice.

You're just jealous because
I'm way more flexible than you.

I really did not need that
mental image in my head

- this morning.
- Hush.

Be nice.

Can't.

I'm not a nice mood.

It's 10 o'clock on
Saturday morning.

Why are you such a grumpasaurus?

You know history teachers really

shouldn't make references
to nonexistent dinosaurs.

Prehistory is
archaeology, or biology.

That's not my department

Max called.

O-M-G.

Really?

I thought you weren't going.

I wasn't, but then
he called and asked

me to be his best man.

R-O-F-L.

Can you stop that please?

No, it's cute.

Deal with it.

Hey, hey, hey.

Mama needs her information.

Behave.

Better.

So what you say?

I said I'd think about it.

L-M-A-F-O.

That even make sense.

Max, my point is
you can't invite

your ex to be your best man.

And my point is, I don't
have anyone else to ask.

Well what about Gary or Shawn?

Those are your friends, come on.

Aiden and I were best
friends in high school.

We went to college together.

He's not just my ex.

I just can't believe
you didn't tell me first.

I tried to tell you last
night, and you just waved me off

and told me to just call him.

You need to be more forceful.

You need to be less domineering.

I'm done with this conversation.

Stop being a dramatic,
old queen, really?

I think the main issue is
you're still in love with him.

No, it's just that
I would rather stick

my hand into a running blender.

Oh, be logical.

This coming from you.

I am a math teacher.

God, I fear for today's youth.

Aid, the only reason
not to go is if you

still have feelings for him.

Hmm.

Do you, maybe?

Maybe you?

Maybe.

Mmm.

Fine.

Mm-hmm.

I could pass as a bear, right?

What game are you playing?

As long as you're sure he
won't say yes, I forgive you.

I think he would rather
put his hand in a blender,

than say yes.

Hey.

Yea.

Really?

OK.

OK, bye.

Well?

He said yes.

I love you.

So the man walks up
to the pirate he says, hey,

there's a steering wheel
sticking out of your pants.

And the pirate goes, aargh
it's driving me nuts.

That's an awful joke.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hey.

Yea, I know I'm running.

I know, right.

No.

No, seriously I'm running.

Yeah, Oh uh, is
Aidan dating anyone?

Yes, yes.

He has a boyfriend,
uh and everything.

They, you know, they're happy,
happy like like oysters...

clams, happy like clams.

Just, OK.

His name is, um, I
always forget his name.

It's uh, um, it's
um, it's Brick.

Brick?

Uh, yeah, I will tell him.

Yes.

What the hell was that?

I don't know.

I'm not a very good liar.

That's your department.

That's like the single
worst made up name ever.

You could break up with
this, uh, Brick person.

No, that just makes
me sound like a loser.

You could convince Lance to
go as Brick to the wedding.

No way.

I'll just have to
find somebody else.

In a month?

Easy.

If it's so easy than
why haven't you found

anybody in the past two years?

I'll race you back to the house.

Bitch.

I'm kind of hoping
to settle down.

I'm really not into
the whole dating scene.

Yeah, I'm not all that
excited about it either.

As I see it it's
a necessary evil.

Much better.

Ah.

So, you've ever been any
long term relationships?

No, I haven't been
fortunate enough just yet.

You?

Just one.

We broke up a few years ago.

I'm sorry to hear that.

No problem.

I mean, it happens, right?

Right.

So, you have any hobbies?

Um, golf, mostly.

I like to golf.

I love golf.

Wow.

Do You play a lot?

Um, uh, yes.

No, uh, yes.

Uh, no.

Yeah, once a week, uh
maybe, sometimes twice.

That's quite a bit.

I wish I could do that.

Job keeps me really
busy a lot of the time.

I like your shirt.

Thank you.

So curious, what's
your handicap?

Excuse me.

Ugh.

So how'd the date go?

Mmm, that well?

All right.

So?

OCD.

Oh, no, you didn't.

What can I say?

It is terrible karma to
mess with people like that.

Why should I worry about karma?

You know Max is as hung up
on you, as you are on him.

What makes you say that?

Because I talked to
him today, and you

mentioned you like 1,000 times
more than he mentioned Forrest.

I don't want to talk
about it anymore.

Whatever.

We've moved on, it's fine.

Yeah, sure.

You want me to call Lance
about the wedding yet?

No.

Suite yourself.

Better luck next time.

Smart ass.

So tell me
about yourself.

Oh, there's not a
whole lot to tell.

I was born in Maryland,
and I moved down here

when I was about 23 for a job.

Been here ever since.

Cool.

So what do you
look for in a guy?

Um, the usual, but
could you not be so loud?

Sorry, I can't help but
get the feeling that you're

a little bit uncomfortable.

Well, I'm not exactly out.

I'm kind of new to this, so.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,

we have a homosexual
in our presence.

It's nice meeting you.

Oh, by the way, they
have cherry pie here.

Maybe you can
pretend to eat some.

I'm talking about
short-term stocks,

long-term stocks, blue
chips, short chips, whatever.

I'm exponential.

And the whole stock market, I
mean the company that I ran,

I personally increased
sales over 5%.

Um, if you'd like to we can
just go back to your house

and talk about long-term
stocks, if you'd like.

Let's see.

Hmm.

I'm a Leo.

Rawr.

Are you open minded?

You know what, it's too soon.

It's too soon, I don't
want to freak you out.

I don't want to do that.

You could really use
the work yourself.

I think you'd respond
to heavy training.

Yeah, but who has
the time these days?

There's always time to work out.

Just look.

Come on.

You got to give it 110%.

I'm not sure that's
mathematically possible.

No pain no gain, my friend.

Seriously though, believe it
or not, I used to work retail,

and I was a skinny little bitch!

But now, look at
me. Just look at me.

Yeah, look at you.

I bet you really like
full-length mirrors.

Most guys wish they
could look like me.

That's where my job comes in.

I help guys out like you.

It's like a public service.

Here, I think I got one
of my before pictures.

I can definitely see a change.

No, yeah, I see.

Amazing.

Hey, I've been
looking everywhere for you.

Have you been here
the whole time?

Yeah.

What's the matter?

What can I do to help?

Nothing.

I mean, it's just...
I'm just overwhelmed.

Hey, I know the wedding
can be stressful,

just try not to worry about it.

It's just happening so quick.

Isn't that a good thing?

Well, no, yeah.

I mean, it is but
I... it's just been

a really eventful seven months.

Don't you worry about a thing.

I'll take some time
off and I'll help

Thank you.

Now I'm going to make you
that chocolate martini.

Bet you can use it right now.

Yeah.

If you're a really good boy, you

get some more chocolate later.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

Thank you.

Bigbear69?

No.

Prettyboy18?

No, thanks.

Silverfox64?

No way.

And image.

What the hell's
wrong with people?

Really did not need
to see that today.

OK, how about, no no.

give up.

Janice.

Yes.

I give in.

Call Lance.

See if you can sweet talk
him into going with me.

I would love to.

But you're going to have
to do the convincing.

I was afraid you'd say that.

I'll see if he can
come over tonight?

OK.

Wonderful.

Aiden and
Lance, sitting in a tree.

Uh.

Well, that was good, but
can I ask you all a question?

Sure.

What gives?

Oh, whatever do you mean?

I've eaten over here
like, oh, 100 times,

and have never seen the
two of you so nervous.

Well, I kinda need
to ask a favor of you.

You?

Asking me?

Never mind, this was a mistake.

Don't get your panties
all up in a bunch.

What's up?

OK, you know how Max's wedding
is coming up, and everything.

Somehow he couldn't
find himself a date.

Him?

No, never, what?

Yeah, I'll go with you.

But I have a price.

What?

You have to treat me nice.

No, like a queen.

Even if it kills you.

It might.

Deal.

Not finished.

You also have to do
my taxes this year.

Ohhh.

You drive a hard bargain.

Oh, that's not the only
hard thing I'm known for.

You're such a heathen.

Oh, don't I know it.

It sounds reasonable.

What do you think, Aid?

Fine.

But you have to pretend
your name is Brick.

That's like the single
worse made-up name ever.

Don't look at me.

Janice came up with that jewel.

I panicked.

OK?

It's all right.

Thank you.

Besides, it may be fun.

Yeah.

I haven't done any
acting since high school.

Great, that couldn't
have been too long ago.

Brick, Brick, Lance!

What?

You forgot one.

You forgot one.

Forgot one.

Forgot one, you know...

Ohh.

Forgot one.

Sure did.

Thanks, Janice.

You're welcome.

Go.

It's only for a few days.

What the hell do you
need all that for?

A girl has to be prepared.

A girl, maybe, but
not a little boy princess.

I'm a queen to you, remember?

Right.

So put your royal baggage in
the carriage, your majesty.

Oh, no.

I don't think so.

That's what I have servants for.

Geez, what did he pack in here?

Bricks?

Funny.

I thought so.

Look, if you're
going to try to share

your pissy little mood with
the rest of us, don't bother.

We got four hours
to the lake house.

Boop.

You know you love me.

So, what's your back story?

Um, well I was thinking
that we worked together,

and that I saw him
and our eyes met.

And I just knew we had
to be together, forever.

So romantic.

I know, right?

Sounds great.

Maybe I should hang
out at office buildings.

Sounds like a great way
to meet security guards.

Added bonus, they share
your love of handcuffs.

Party pooper.

Just between you and me, Aiden
and I are into role playing.

Oh!

He likes to be
the security guard,

and I'm the
lost British little school

boy who needs a spanking.

God, kill me now.

At least you don't have to
pretend to be somebody else.

Oh no, that part I like.

It's fun pretending
to be someone else.

Kinky.

Mmm, you know it sugar muffin.

We're all into the kinky.

Are you?

He just loves his little Bricky.

It's Bricky now, is it?

Only to his friends.

Oh, and FYI, my
safe word is, really.

Bring on the fresh towels.

Janice is in the house.

Open.

Suitcase.

- Really?
- Yes.

Oh, OK.

You two lovebirds have
fun now, you hear?

You know it.

And seriously, look after
Aiden for me, would you?

I will.

Brick's on the job.

I'm so sorry about the name.

No, no, it's OK.

If Blanket is
acceptable, anything is.

True

I'm ready for my mission.

Oh Christ.

Wish me luck.

Good luck to both of you.

And Aiden, do us all a
favor and try to have fun.

Looks like this.

- Kisses.
- Muah.

Bye.

Yeah, fun.

Loads of fun.

Let's go, princess.

I'm always leery of directions
that involve the phrase,

turn off the paved road.

Thanks for getting the
luggage, monkey muffin.

I'm guessing you must be Brick.

I...

Max, they're here.

I'm Forrest.

Mmm, Brick.

Well come on in,
get comfortable.

Looks like Aiden could use a
little help with the luggage.

Go on in, meet Max, get settled.

You must be Aiden.

Max told me a lot about you.

I was afraid about that.

Wow, I guess your boyfriend is
not the type to pack lightly.

What was your first clue?

Brick'?

I'm Max, sorry I didn't
mean to startle you.

Oh, no, no, um, no worries.

I just get nervous
in strange places.

Not that this place is strange
at all, it's just old... er.

Uh, but it's lovely.

Can we start over?

- Yeah.
- I'm Brick.

- I'm Max.
- Hi.

Good to meet you.

Um, let me show you to
where you and Aiden will be

sleeping... staying... together.

Aid's room.

Not, where you'll together.

That'd be great.

Did he pack his whole closet?

Apparently.

That's so adorable.

Or a little bit
annoying, depending

on how you look at it.

So just make sure you
pull it a little bit.

Um, the kitchen's
right down to the left.

You can help
yourself to anything

you want in the fridge.

Just make yourself at home.

I really don't mind.

Aiden.

Hey, Max.

Thanks for coming.

Aw, it's good to see you.

It's good to see you too, Aid.

It's been way too long.

Yea, it has.

I'll just leave this
here and go finish dinner.

Oh, um, I'm starving.

Do you need any help?

If you'd like.

Go ahead, I can get us unpacked.

YaY-

So, when did you
start dating teenagers?

Funny.

I could say the same
thing about you and sugar

daddy McSaggy balls out there.

You're just jealous.

Forrest is caring,
compassionate, kind.

Things that you wouldn't
know much about.

Besides, there's only
an eight-year gap.

That's funny that I didn't hear
the word hot in there anywhere.

How are things in bed?

Um, none of you business.

Don't get defensive,
I was just asking.

Lawyers don't ask questions,
they make statements that end

in question marks, remember?

You taught me that one.

You're too easy.

It's been, what, five
minutes and you're

already all flustered.

What are you talking about?

You didn't even unpack this.

Let me help you.

I see he's into feathers.

Or is this yours?

It is not, thank you very much.

And my sex life is
none of your business.

Stop.

En garde.

Quit.

Victory is mine.

Oh yeah?

Mine's bigger.

And I've got more
reach on the thrust.

You may have and this
time, but with puns

that bad it's a hollow victory.

Yeah, well it was either
that, or some sort of variation

on the double-headed theme.

Had to choose.

OK.

On that note, I'm going
to go in the kitchen

with my soon-to-be husband
while you take inventory

of all of your play thingies.

Oh, Max.

Yeah.

It's good to see you again.

You too, Aid.

So Brick, what do
you do for a living?

I'm a secret agent for the CIA.

Really?

I'm kidding.

I'm an algebra teacher.

That's wonderful.

Both of my parents
were teachers.

I never really wanted
to do anything else.

It's more of a
calling, not a career.

Weird.

That's what my mom used to say.

Smart lady.

Well, I work in real estate.

Really?

Ow.

Aiden, are you all right?

Yeah, I hit my leg on
something under the table.

Anyway, I work in
commercial development,

though I'm starting to
dabble in residential.

Isn't that better?

Well it's a bigger business.

Max always liked bigger things.

Ow.

Damn table.

Maybe should move your
chair over to one side?

Yeah, I'll give it a try.

Much better.

I have to go powder my nose.

OK.

So who's up for dessert?

That would be
lovely, darling.

That would
be lovely darling.

Behave yourself, Aid.

I'm offended.

I haven't done anything.

Stop mocking Forrest.

It took him a long time to be OK
with this whole best man thing.

I'm sure he can handle
himself just fine.

Don't you dare do anything.

Here we go.

Uh, this looks amazing.

You are the best cook.

Wow, thanks babe.

Um, I'm going to get the coffee.

Here, let me help.

Stupid leg.

Jesus, that freaking hurt.

I got a bruise.

Oh.

Ouch.

This looks great.

Shit.

I didn't know you
were table challenged.

Go fuck yourself.

Oh, no that's your
job sugar rabbit.

OK, black for Aiden.

Am I right?

I'm sweet
enough as it is.

So Brick, how
do you like your coffee?

Brick, baby.

How do you want your coffee?

Oh, uh, just cream, please.

Cream, huh?

Should have guessed.

Well, what can I say?

You're so adorable, hun.

Hmm.

I'm going to have to
be adorable more often.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, by the way,
Thursday night the guys

are going to take me out for
this bachelor-type party deal.

And I was thinking that
maybe you guys could go

out and make a night of it too.

Oh no, really,
that's not necessary.

No, that's a great idea.

After all, the best man
is supposed to throw

one for him groom, right?

It'll get it set up.

No, really you don't
have to do that.

I insist.

I'll call Janice, get some
of your friends together,

it'll be great.

I'm sorry.

I haven't had this since
I was studying in Italy.

Florence in Italy.

Well thanks,
that's high praise.

Would like some more?

Yes, please.

Well let me get
you a second helping.

Oh, by the way, who's up
for margaritas after this?

Me.

Sounds good to me.

Guess we're having margaritas.

That's the clincher.

Oh, good God.

Don't you just love them?

They're very you.

Aw, thanks.

I'm a bit of a wizard
with the sewing machine.

Did you dig those out of your
little, special bag there?

I was wondering
if you found that.

Hm-hmm.

You could have warned me.

Max was in here when I did.

Sorry, It was Janice's idea.

She uh was hoping
Max would snoop,

and she said you needed to
level the playing field.

That's not anything I ever
had to worry about with Max.

He's always good about
handling himself.

That's why I love him.

You said love.

Like.

You know I meant like.

No, you said love, drunkie-poo.

Oh my God, you're
completely trashed.

Well, if you don't
love Max anymore

then you won't
mind if I do this.

What are you doing?

Winning.

Sorry, I just wanted to see
you if you guys needed anything.

I'll knock next time.

Sorry.

It's OK.

I saw the way he looked at you.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Your friend, Lance,
jumped me last night.

Oh please, he's probably
just being playful.

He had me pinned to the bed
when Max walked into the room.

So, what's the problem?

I mean you do want Max to think
that you're a couple, right?

Ooh.

Unless, of course, you're
ready to admit that

you still love him.

This whole thing
was a horrible idea.

You're such a drama queen.

At least you can admit it.

You know, the first step
in solving the problem

is recognizing
that you have one.

That's for drunks,
not for relationships.

Same difference.

You're a Max-addict.

Tell him how you feel.

You owe it to yourself.

What happened back then anyway?

We got into a
fight, it got nasty.

It's as simple as that.

Uh, you have nasty fights
with people all the time.

It's one of your
defining characteristics.

This time the fight ended
with, I don't love you anymore.

Why the hell would
you say something like that?

I don't know.

I didn't mean it.

I regretted it the second
that it came out of my mouth.

He seems happy with
this Forrest guy.

Maybe that's what
needs to happen.

Who am I to bust in the on the
relationship two years later,

and break up their wedding?

Um, you're the
guy that loves Max.

And that counts for something.

Yeah I'm pretty
sure every asshole

that's wanted to
destroy somebody's life

has come up with some
sort of shit like that.

Oh God, hang up
your f-ing cross.

You make a horrible martyr.

You know you're almost
as stubborn as Max.

Don't get pissy with me.

Did you like Lance's suitcase?

You bitch.

Max was in the room
when I unpacked that.

I'm curious, how did
you know he'd see it.

Um, I am all knowing
and I am all seeing.

OK.

And Max is
a horrible snoop.

I caught him looking through
my bedside drawers once.

It was a safe bet.

How's my pumpkin this morning?

Not right now, darling.

I'm in the middle of something.

Morning, Brick.

Morning, Forrest.

Max.

Good morning, Brick.

There's coffee over there and
there's tea in the cabinet

if you prefer.

I think I'll get coffee.

Rough night?

I think I'll stay away
from tequila from now on.

It makes it hard to look
fabulous first thing

in the morning.

It happens to the best of us.

Did you make those
pajamas yourself?

I did, do you like them?

Yea, they're cute.

Thank you.

Where's Aiden?

Oh, he went to meet
Janice for breakfast.

Well, help yourself to
anything on the table.

Forrest made eggs, sausage,
some turnovers, fruit.

And if you'd like some bacon
to take, it'll take just a sec.

Oh, no, this is great.

I wish I had a boyfriend
who did all this for me.

You hear that, hun?

Yes dear, you're superman.

Never mind, Max.

He's always grumpy first
thing in the morning.

So boys, what's the
activity for the day?

Oh, we don't have
a lot going on,

but we do have Aiden and
Brick's tuxedo fitting

later this afternoon.

Um, why don't we go down to
the lake and play football,

and maybe swim?

Yeah, sounds great.

What do you think, Aiden?

No offense, but I'm not a
fan, and I know Max isn't.

Actually I would love
to go play some football.

You sure you
don't want to join, Aid?

Uh, no, I've actually got some
work to catch up on, thanks.

He's such a party pooper.

He's
such a party pooper.

We'll just get the
neighbor from next door

to take his place.

Oh, that'd be great.

Aiden?

Yes?

I look ridiculous.

Nah, you look great.

This must be some
definition of the word great

I'm not familiar with.

I can't wear it right.

You know, there's a
lot of straight women

who think that a tuxedo is the
sexiest article of clothing

that a man could have.

I'm not trying to
attract straight women,

I'm trying to look cute.

I don't think you get it.

There isn't an article of
clothing in the tuxedo that

requires you to put your
hands up over your head

while it's being removed.

Huh?

I get it.

Should the
occasion arise,

you wouldn't even
have to stop kissing.

I suppose it has potential.

Oh, another added bonus,
studs instead of buttons

means your shirt can be
ripped off in one go.

How do you know so
much about tuxes?

I used to own one.

Wore it out.

Well, you look better in one.

I look like a kid at a funeral.

It's because of your posture.

Try and... try and
look more butch.

Or not.

So are you going to
tell Max you love him,

or just let him get married
off thinking you don't care?

I would stay out of
it, if I were you.

Normally I stay away
from drama like that,

but I have a vested interest.

Yeah, what's that?

Your cuff-links
are in backwards.

I don't think Max appreciates
Forrest as much as I do.

You gotta be kidding.

You've known him for
like five minutes.

I have, like, an
outside perspective.

Besides, Max is way too low
maintenance for Forrest.

The way I see it, we
need to work together.

Work together?

Do I have to spell
it out for you?

Apparently.

Look, you want Max.

I want Forrest.

No.

Oh come on.

I saw the way you
two act together.

Max totally doesn't act
that way with Forrest.

I think you're
reading into things.

Forrest is exactly my type.

And I guarantee you, I'm his.

What makes you think that?

Well, I saw the way
he was looking at me

when we were playing football.

Yeah, what was up what that?

I played on the JV team.

Huh.

Don't look so surprised.

What makes you think
I'd go along with this?

Well, you want Max and
your morally flexible.

You're way off on
your second assumption,

thank you very much.

Oh, I doubt it.

And I just got you to
admit you want Max.

OK, you're smarter
than you look.

I'll choose to take
that as a compliment.

Assuming I would
go along with this,

how do you propose to make
Forrest fall in love with you?

Simple, I'll go to
his bachelor party.

Last I checked you
weren't invited.

Oh, please.

Like that's a problem.

These looks have other
uses besides making

people think I'm stupid.

I didn't say that.

Hello, Forrest.

Oh, hey Brick.

Just doing a little
cooking and baking.

Cookies will be done
in just a second.

Wow, I'm impressed.

Don't be, it's nothing special.

I'm just so excited
about the wedding

I can hardly contain myself.

I got to find
things to stay busy.

You OK?

You seem a bit stressed.

Oh I'm just dreading going
to Max's bachelor party.

Why?

I'll just be a third wheel.

I see what you mean.

But it's OK.

Don't worry about me.

I can survive just
about anything.

You're welcome to stay
here if you'd like.

Oh.

OK I'll just read a
book, or something.

Well you're welcome to go
to my party if you'd like.

Might be less awkward.

Are you sure?

Sure.

I'd be happy to have you.

Plus I promise, you'll
have a good time.

I'd love to, thanks Forrest.

No worries, have a cookie.

Wow, can I take you home?

Thank you.

Glad you like them.

Let's see.

I've never, ooh,
I've never dated Max.

Aiden drink.

Yay.

YaY-

All right, Sam it's your turn.

Something good.

Yeah.

Five of diamonds.

That is give five
drinks to anyone.

Hmm, then I'll give
them all to you, Max.

Thanks, dear.

Yes, nice choice.

Ace.

What does that mean?

Oh, that means you can
order anyone to do anything,

and if they don't they
have to take tequila shots.

Nice, well, that's easy.

Janice.

Kiss me or it's
two shots to you.

Oh, she is not
going to go there.

She is not going to go there.

I guess I have no
choice because I

don't really like tequila.

Uh-huh.

Nope you don't, sweet cheeks.

Nice, I think
you've done that before.

I plead the fifth.

You'll like Shawn,
he's a food critic.

And Gary's a real estate broker.

And his boyfriend, Dave,
is a bit of an ass.

But we tolerate him.

I can't tell you
how much I appreciate

you inviting me along with you.

No worries.

There they are.

Wow.

Looks posh.

Did you expect anything less?

I don't
think I fit in here.

Nonsense, you're with me.

Gentlemen.

There he is.

For you, sir.

And for your lovely friend.

And now to Forrest, who finally
got what he always wanted.

A husband.

You lucky dog.

Congratulations, buddy.

I am really excited
for you and Max.

Thanks, Gary.

But more importantly than
that, who pray-tell is this?

This is Brick.

He's a friend of a friend.

Brick, Gary, Shawn.

That didn't take long.

Enchanted.

Oh, there you are
Dave, come meet Brick.

Glad to meet you.

All right, well I think it's
time for a round of shots,

and I have some waiting for us.

Shots is
all you guys need.

Stripper?

Lord here we go with the shots.

What are we drinking
this time, Gary?

Lemon drops, gentleman.

Ooh, excellent choice.

I used to love these.

How does that old joke go?

Twinkie boys love lemon
drops and sucking lots of...

- To Forrest.
- To Forrest

is how it goes.

Forest

I'm driving.

Always the responsible one.

Give yours to Brick.

Let's get the new guy drunk.

Are you sure?

D- Do you want it, Dave?

No, no.

You go ahead.

Yeah!

Down the hatch.

It begins.

OK, my turn.

King.

Tequila shot for me.

Bottom's up.

Oh, it hurts my throat.

Four.

I give four drinks to Sue.

Just four?

She drinks that
before breakfast.

That's nothing.

Nice.

Good job.

Impressive.

Seven.

Aiden, drink all of it.

Jesus.

Drink it all.

I am having fun.

It's a great party.

After that I decided raving
was not my cup of tea.

Let's do bet.

I bet you would
make an absolutely

adorable little, raver kid.

Oh, no.

No one looks good in
that much glitter.

Trust me, I've tried.

Glitter, glow sticks,
drugs, and STDs.

What's not adorable about that.

Speaking of glitter...

Don't you dare.

Forrest was a drag
queens in college.

That's
not exactly true.

I dressed in drag, once,
for a fraternity event.

He looked awful.

I know you're thinking, this
is a very reasonably attractive

man sitting before us.

But you put a wig on this
man, he is the ugliest bitch

you've ever seen.

There's no
need to be mean, Gary.

Even though it's
pretty damn true.

Was this some kind of like
business school hazing ritual?

Business, hell.

Forrest was a music major.

Really?

It's true.

I was studying to be a composer.

Working nights
impersonating,

wait for it, Dolly Parton.

So, did you ever
do any gender bending?

You know he did.

No, I avoided all that.

I'm surprised.

As femmie as you are, you
could have pulled it off.

I think I would
have been beautiful.

Cheers to that.

Indeed.

Aw, I'm almost empty.

Watch yourself.

Mm.

How about another
round of shots?

Sounds like my kind of guy.

What's your poison?

Um, how about some
cinnamon schnapps?

Definitely.

Perfect.

I'll get them.

Thanks, Dave.

Thank you.

Don't mind him.

So, uh, Brick, what
do you do for a living?

I'm a teacher.

Algebra.

Nice.

Smart too.

Why Forrest has great
taste in friends.

Slow down Casanova.

He's got a boyfriend.

Have a sip, cool off.

I'm not too
surprised, I suppose.

Hey, you can't blame a guy
for trying though, right?

Fair enough.

Oops.

Go get some paper
towels, or something.

Oh, don't worry about it.

He's got to get
started eventually.

What are
you talking about?

He's the stripper, right?

He's Max's friend, you asshole.

Ohhh, I... I thought
only a stripper

would wear those clothes.

Did your whore mommy
buy you those close

for your street walking?

Oh, here I'll pay for them.

Brick.

Oh, Ace.

I believe that means I can
give anything to anyone.

You got it.

And, uh, I'm ready for
round two if you'd like.

Uh, I have a better
idea, for now.

Aidan, kiss the man of honor.

I gotta pee.

Oh, OK, my turn.

Excuse me, guys.

Joker.

Ah you strip.

And now that we've gotten rid
of him, time for some real fun.

Whoa, whoa.

Get off me, Shawn.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm going to find Brick.

Real mature!

Shut up asshole, or I'll
punch you in the face too.

Now sit down.

What the hell was that?

Nothing.

I just didn't think
getting a kiss

from your ex seemed appropriate
two days before your wedding.

Really?

You've been acting
weird all night.

What's up with you?

It's just, nothing.

Don't give me that.

You owe me an explanation.

What's going on?

Oh God, Max.

Tell me.

Please.

Is everything all right?

Excuse me.

Hey.

I'm so sorry.

For what?

I shouldn't have come.

No, I'm sorry.

I should've known Dave would
pull something like that.

It isn't your
fault. People always

seem to react to me that way.

It's ridiculous.

My dad always used to say
I was positively charged.

Negative people come at me.

Wow.

That's geeky.

He was a physicist.

Theoretical.

I'm sure your dad's
a smart guy and all,

but life isn't always
as simple as physics.

He used to tell
me the same thing.

I'm so sorry about your party.

I probably shouldn't
have left that way.

No, it's actually good you did.

You gave me an
excuse to hit Dave.

You hit him?

For me?

Yeah, I guess I did.

I have to admit I
wanted to do it before.

You're really something Forrest.

Come here.

It's going to be okay.

How about we get you home?

Sure.

I'm sticky.

Come on, let's go.

So did you have a good
night flirting with Forrest?

Ow.

Did you say ow?

Good morning to you too.

Is he into
S&M or something?

I had a bad night.

Bad night?

Care to elaborate?

Well, one of Forrest's friends
threw a tray of schnapps at me,

and then called me a hooker.

I'm sorry.

Forrest punched
him after I left.

Did I hear you right?

He's an honest to God real
life knight in shining armor.

Yeah, well don't
get too attached,

he's getting married tomorrow.

I think I'm in love with him.

He's everything I've ever
wanted in a boyfriend.

Look, take my advice.

Just let it go.

Max and Forrest are
getting married,

and there's nothing
anyone can do about it.

That's crap advice
and you know it.

I've seen the way you and
Max look at each other.

Max never looks at
Forrest that way.

I'm going to take a shower.

Oh, no you didn't.

Will you stop that?

I'm trying to take a shower.

I'll stop when you
tell Max how you feel.

I can't.

I missed my chance.

No, seriously I can't.

You don't have the choice.

Yeah I do.

Sure I still have
feelings for him,

but I can't do
anything about it.

End of conversation.

Oh, hold the phone.

Why can't you just be honest?

Forrest is mine.

All you have to do is
tell Max how you feel.

Deal?

And if you don't I'll
just tell everybody

I'm not your boyfriend.

You wouldn't.

God hath no fury
like a queen scorned.

Don't try me.

Deal?

Fine.

Deal.

Do your dirty.

Morning.

Morning, Brick.

Where's Forrest?

Oh, he went to go pick
up his fraternity brother

at the airport.

So how was Forrest's party?

He told you?

Yeah, I'm sorry about Dave.

He's a click.

Come to think of it, that's
probably all Gary was after.

So what's your plan for the day?

Well, you know I've have
done everything I can do.

It's just kind of playing
the waiting game, you know?

What about you?

Oh, me and Janice are
going to go shopping.

How was your party'?

It was all right.

Aiden got...

Aiden, what?

I was just going to
tell your boyfriend

that you had way
too much to drink,

and got all surly last night.

Yes, I did.

Sorry about that, Max.

It's all right.

Just don't let it happen again.

Aiden told me all about it.

He said he need to ask you...

Ask you where the
rehearsal dinner is tonight.

Oh, it's at Hector's.

They have amazing steaks.

It's really good.

Neat.

So, how was your flight?

It was fine.

A/C?

What?

Need some air?

No man, I'm cool.

Sorry about that,
uh, that conversation

we had the other night.

Man, no worries.

It's in the past.

No man, I really am sorry.

It's just I'm a little
freaked out about all this.

It makes me uh, it
makes me uncomfortable.

It's OK, Jack.

New?

Yeah.

Like new hip, like
a hip replacement surgery?

Like that's where you
indicate that your new?

We don't want these for you.

No.

What's this?

I must have them, oh my gosh.

What are the snaps for?

What's this?

It's like, in case you
want to have a quickie.

While you're ice skating?

Tell me about this Forrest guy.

Oh, it's not lust.

Uh-huh.

It, it well it's not all lust.

He's totally dreamy.

Aww.

You know what's ironic?

What, the shirt?

No.

I have never heard
Max say anything

like that about Forrest.

See?

What does he say about Forrest?

Oh, you know the usual.

He's smart, he's successful,
he's funny, blah, blah, blah.

Well, duh.

But that just makes him
sound like an accessory.

Speak of the devil.

Preaching to the choir.

Amen.

Hm-hmm.

So what are
we going to do?

I don't know.

But you got 24 hours
to figure that out.

Uh, no.

Come on, help me, please.

OK.

All right.

I have a plan, but it is
evil, and Aidan will hate me.

I'm in.

OK, I'm going to provoke Max,
but in order for this to work,

you cannot know the details.

OK.

I'll do anything as
long as I get Forrest.

Consider it done.

You two look like
you're up to no good.

Mm-hmm, don't you know it.

Oh come on, I want
a tiara for the wedding.

Aiden?

Aiden.

Sorry.

He's a little scattered
brained sometimes.

Apparently.

You to make a lovely couple.

I'd certainly
like to think so.

Well, not as lovely, of
course, as L-Brick and Aiden

here.

You know when I
first met this one,

he was dancing shirtless
at club Gay-topia.

And he had to beat
him off with a stick.

I'm telling you.

He just...

It wasn't me.

I promise.

His stick.

You get it?

Excuse me a minute, guys.

I'll be right back.

Hm.

I thought it was funny.

I thought you quit.

I did.

I started back when we broke up.

It's a horrible habit.

Sorry.

This is the second
time you've left me.

I just needed some air.

If you needed air
you wouldn't smoke.

You'd pass out from
lack of oxygen.

Go bother somebody else.

I'm not here to fight.

I'm just here to
make sure you're OK.

I'm fine.

Yeah, and the Pope is Jewish.

He does wear a yamaka sometimes.

What's going on?

Why does it matter?

It matters to me.

I really don't think
you'd want to know.

Tell me.

Max.

Please.

I want to know.

I still love you.

I just wish we can
still be together,

and I know I'm being a jerk, and
I know you're with Forrest now.

And I know there's
nothing I can do about it.

I'm sorry.

How dare you.

How could you do this?

Why couldn't you just come
here and be happy for me?

All I wanted was things
between us to be OK.

We used to be best
friends, for God's sakes.

I told you you
wouldn't want to know.

I'm getting married
tomorrow, you asshole.

You're right, you are.

Is this some sort of mean joke?

No.

Where are the cameras?

Am I on TV?

World's most awkward moments?

It's been two years.

Why now?

You break up with me, and
then you want to get together

the night before my wedding?

Actually, it was you
that broke up with me.

Remember?

Oh I remember.

I remember just fine.

I remember you didn't
even give me a chance.

What was I supposed to do?

You took a job somewhere else.

Was I supposed to just pack
up everything and follow you?

It's not that simple.

You weren't even happy for me.

That is not fair.

I was proud of you, but it
meant we couldn't be together.

Why?

Why couldn't we?

I made my reputation
with the firm.

Save it!

I've heard all of this before.

Me too.

I'll save you the re-hash.

You wanted some
long distance thing,

and we both knew that
wasn't going to work out.

And we would have
been miserable.

You missed the point.

Well, enlighten me then.

The point is you wanted me
to give up my career for you,

yet you wouldn't even consider
doing the same for me.

I thought it was
what you wanted.

It was.

It was the best
decision I ever made.

Besides, we fought constantly.

We also made up constantly.

I just wanted to be normal.

Don't you understand, that
is like a normal couple.

We had passion.

We didn't have any goals,
any dreams together.

We couldn't even commit to a
pet, let alone anything else.

Wait, so because I
didn't want to get a dog

means that I didn't
want to commit to you?

You're putting
words into my mouth.

It's unfair.

Not nearly as
unfair as you blaming

me for your choosing to leave.

You know what?

You win.

Whatever you say.

You're right, I'm wrong.

Now if you'll
excuse me, I'm going

to go back into my dinner.

And I suggest you do the same,
and sit with your boyfriend.

Because if you storm
off like this again,

like you did last
night, you're not going

to be welcome at my wedding.

That's that.

Son of a bitch.

Welcome back.

Thank you.

Feeling better?

Much.

Good.

Have some more wine.

Thanks.

Soooo, Jack.

What is it you do?

I'm in the Coast Guard.

You are in the Coast Guard.

He is in the Coast Guard.

Where are you stationed?

Galveston.

You ever been?

I have.

We used to vacation there all
the time when I was a kid.

And Max
and I were planning

on visiting Jack and spending
a few days next summer.

Aren't we, Max.

Yeah.

I'm thinking about going
to San Diego next summer.

With Brick, of course.

No one told me.

It's all right,
sometimes boyfriends don't

tell each other everything.

So, the Coast Guard.

Um, would you say you're an
especially strong swimmer?

I'm a very,
very good swimmer.

He's a very,
very good swimmer.

Morning, Max.

You ready for the big day?

Morning.

Yeah.

How's my darling
boy this morning.

Tired.

It's all right, I didn't
sleep that well either.

Would you like me to
get you some coffee...

Don't bother.

I can get it myself.

I'm not helpless.

Dear, Aiden could use a
refill since you're up.

Aiden couldn't get it himself.

No, that's OK.

I've had quite enough already.

So is everything
ready for this afternoon?

Yeah, the florist
arrives at 4 o'clock,

along with the
tables and chairs,

caterer gets here at 5:00 to set
up for the reception at 6:00.

Wow.

Sounds like you have
everything set up perfectly.

I'm glad someone appreciates it.

I'll get it.

Hello?
Hello and howdydo.

Is Lance there, please.

I'm sorry, who?

Lance.

Lance, is he there please?

Uh, you have the wrong number.

Ohhh, I am so sorry.

I am so sorry.

You have a wonderful day, OK.

Bye now.

No problem.

Hello?

Hello there.

Is Lance present, please?

Wrong number, again.

Did I dial 555-5768?

Yes, but there's no Lance here.

Are you sure?

He's the one running around
with the, um, you know,

he's the femmie one?

Yes, I'm sure.

Wrong number.

No Lance.

Are you sure?

Because my friend,
Janice, told just

told me to call him here
at this number right here.

Yes, I'm sure it's
the wrong number.

OK, then.

You have a really fine day,
and a most wonderful wedding.

OK, bye now.

OK, you too.

Who was it, dear?

Oh, just the wrong
number, twice.

Ah, well, I'm going
to get dressed.

Take my seat.

Thanks, dear.

So how does the weather
look today for the ceremony?

Looks like it's going
to be nice today.

Good.

Hey, Lance, could you
pass me a biscuit'?

Sure, no problem.

Uh, Lance is my middle name.

I went by that in college...

Don't event start with me.

No really, I...

Who the hell are you, Lance!

Some sort of escort?

A call boy?

Did he hire you to
pose as his boyfriend?

No, I... Aiden just didn't
want to come alone, that's all.

Oh, so you make a habit of going

on vacations with strange man.

Leave him alone, you're
upset with me, not with him.

Oh, sure he just
so happens to look

like the perfect little poster
boy for some twink website?

Aiden, how c... I take that back.

I know exactly how you could
do something like this.

I only did it because...

Save it.

I heard enough out
of you last night.

You, though have you no dignity?

How could you go along
with this just pretending

to be somebody's boyfriend, so
they would look less pathetic?

What does that make you, huh?

Well I'll tell you.

A great big fucking whore.

You know what?

Now I remember why
didn't come after you.

Excuse me.

Oh, go run after little escort.

That's enough Max.

Stay out of this.

I've never seen this side of
you before and I don't like it.

You need to calm down.

Don't tell me what to do.

You just sit here
and think about it.

I'm going to go
check on our guests

and make sure they
are all right.

It's OK, Lance.

He's mad at me, not to you.

I should have never
gotten you into this.

Let me try.

Forrest, I'm so sorry.

I never meant for any
of this to happen.

It's all right.

Max is just really stressed
out about the wedding,

it's not your fault.
Do me a favor,

call Janice have her talk
to Max and calm him down.

OK.

Brick'?

Lance?

You OK?

Forrest.

Yeah, it's me.

Forrest, I'm so sorry.

You have nothing
to be sorry about.

Come out and talk to me.

OK.

Come have a seat.

So your real name is Lance.

I'm so sorry.

I only lied about my name.

And about being
Aiden's boyfriend.

But, just those things.

It's OK.

I understand.

I was just going to say that
Lance is a hell of a lot

better name than Brick.

Worse made-up name ever, right?

I didn't really have a
choice, Janice panicked.

Well, it's nice to
finally meet you, Lance.

Glad to meet you too.

Really?

And what was that
supposed to accomplish?

We were trying to help Aiden.

Right.

Why the fuck would
you care anyway?

I care because he lied.

I don't believe
that for a second.

You
know, people break up.

All the time.

And why does it have to be my
fault that he can't move on?

Fair enough.

But, um, but why are you
so angry about Lance then?

Hmm?

You know what?

I don't know.

You still love him.

Well you know what?

Fine.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I do still care
for that stupid bastard.

I knew it.

But you know what?

I found someone so much better,
someone who cares for me,

someone who's genuine.

Um.

Who shows that they
care for me every day.

I...

And
the best part about

it is, I don't ever have to
wonder if he's going to be

with me for another month.

You know?

I'm sorry, Maxie.

Yeah, you, you should be sorry.

Don't let Max
hurt your feelings.

He's actually a pretty nice
guy, once you get to know him.

I feel horrible.

I'm so fake.

All your friends are right.

You're not a fake.

You pretended to be someone
else to help a friend,

that's pretty noble in my book.

It is?

Yeah, it is.

Lance you're a very
special person.

You're kind, generous,
selfless, and you're funny.

And I know you'll find
someone who appreciates you

for everything that you are.

Thank you, that means a lot.

Now it's time for you
to go get fabulous.

Maybe the guy of your dreams
will be at the wedding today.

Maybe.

Aidan?

Aiden?

Just a sec, menu.

Aiden, we both know the only
thing you ever order here

is the buffalo wings,
you're avoiding me.

Maybe I should
try something new.

Look.

I'm really sorry, OK?

I'm not.

It's fine.

I'm sorry about the
way things have turned out.

I...

Can I get you guys
something to drink?

Margarita?

Yes, I will need alcohol.

Ah, margarita, top
shelf, rock, salt.

OK, For you?

Just a tea, please.

All right,
coming right up.

Thank you.

I'm sorry about making
you talk to Max.

For the record, you can't, and
didn't, make me do anything.

OK.

Then, I'm sorry about
telling Max about Lance.

What was that
supposed to accomplish?

It was supposed to
get him mad, and make.

Forrest call off the wedding.

That's kind of a long shot.

But in my defense
it half worked.

If it makes you feel any
better, I feel really guilty.

I even told Max that the
whole Lance thing was my idea.

Well you didn't have to.

He's not going to hate
me any less for it.

No sense in him hating us both.

I think he could tell that
it was me on the phone.

God, you didn't use that
stupid, awful fake voice,

did you?

Maybe.

Just a little.

Mm-hmm.

It doesn't matter,
he doesn't hate you.

I'm sure of that.

How much you willing
to put on this one?

Should I take a first
aid kit, just in case?

That's not fair.

Sorry, I'm just a little bit
bitter about the whole thing.

And stop playing with that.

You don't have
to go to the wedding

if you don't want to.

I'll rent a car, and I will
take Lance back myself.

No, I owe it to Max.

You don't him anything.

All right guys,
here are your drinks.

Mm-mm.

Margarita.

Thank you very much.

And your iced tea.

Thank you.

You guys enjoy.

I don't know, maybe
going to the wedding

will help me move on.

God, gay men have the most
dramatic closure, don't they?

So, you ready?

I guess.

About as ready as
I'm ever going to be.

You look a little nervous.

Not so much nervous
just, uh, uncomfortable.

Oh, sorry.

It's not what everybody thinks.

It's not the... it's
not the gay thing.

It's uh, Max.

Max?

Yeah, I know you're his
best friend and everything,

but I just think
Forrest is really

rushing into all of this.

What do you mean?

I think he's more in love with
the idea of getting married,

than he is actually
in love with Max.

I just don't think
they're a very good match.

I don't think it's
going to work.

But, don't worry, I'm
not going to freak out.

I'm not going to say anything,
make a scene or anything.

I'll keep my mouth shut.

I gave Forrest my word, so.

Let's just get this done.

OK.

See you out there.

All right.

It's such a shame, they
really balance each other out.

It's true.

What's the
matter with you?

Nothing.

I'm fabulous.

Look at it this
way, at least now

I know what you're looking for,
so now I can help you get it.

I don't want it.

I want Forrest.

Aiden has been rubbing
off on you, hasn't he?

The horror, the horror.

Honey, don't quit your day
job, you're a sucky actor.

Yeah, well you're
a sucky wedding guest.

Trying to make off with
one of the grooms, and all.

Keyword, trying-

I failed.

I failed hard.

And they're getting married
in four minutes anyway.

Give or take.

Give or take.

Hey, I have an idea.

Hmm.

Why don't we rent a
romance movie, and we'll

get some ice cream, and
we'll do our very best

sorority girl impersonation.

What do you say?

Hmm?

Sounds good.

Lance, I'm really sorry
I got you into this.

It's OK.

It was an experience.

Things have a way
of working out for the best.

Trust me.

Isn't that right, babe?

You got it, sweet cheeks.

Oh.

Well, I'm glad one of us
got some this weekend.

Max, I...

Look, I know exactly
what you're going to say.

I...

I'm glad you have
Forrest in your life.

Really?

Do you mean that?

Yeah, I do.

I'm glad you found somebody
who makes you happy.

Somebody you can love.

Thanks, Aid.

I'm so sorry about earlier.

Ah, it's all right.

I'm sorry about snapping at
you, and snapping at Lance.

And that whole thing.

It's OK.

So, you ready?

Yeah.

I think I am.

Quit preening.

You look fine.

Fabulous.

You wouldn't know fabulous
if it hit you across the face.

Maybe not.

But neither would you.

OK.

Let's do this.

Dearly beloved
friends and family,

we are gathered here
today to witness,

and celebrate, the commitment
of two very special people,

Forrest and Max.

Marriage is not to
be taken lightly,

it is a sacred bond, and a
spiritual bond between two

people for all eternity.

Now, before we begin
if any among you

believe that these two
should not be joined,

speak now, or forever
hold your peace.

I do.

You do?

I just love weddings.

I do.

Read that already.

No way.

Babe, come see.

Shit.

It's OK.

It's the same thing
as

Really?

Love you.