All language subtitles for will.and.grace.s10e01.web.h264.eng
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,353
- "Will and Grace is recorded
2
00:00:05,396 --> 00:00:07,268
in front of
a live studio audience.
3
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,619
- Hi, thank you for coming.
4
00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:12,795
I'm Grace Adler...
I live in the building...
5
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,362
and I'm running for President
6
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,233
of the New York Society
for Interior Designers.
7
00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:18,627
I actually just redecorated
this lobby.
8
00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:21,064
What's your name, again?
- Sharon Timmer.
9
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:24,763
I've lived directly below you
for 19 years.
10
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,679
I took you to Urgent Care
11
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:29,812
that time a spider bit
your neck.
12
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:37,080
Could you move?
I want to get my mail.
13
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,648
- Why'd you let me talk
for so long?
14
00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:41,084
- Hi, Mrs. Timmer.
15
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:43,043
- Your wife is yappy and rude.
16
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,784
- That's why we never have sex.
17
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,138
- Where is Jack?
18
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,096
I bribed him
with five yoga classes
19
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,186
to get him to subtly blend in
and drum up votes.
20
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:04,074
-= www.OpenSubtitles.org =-
21
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:08,546
- Wow!
22
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,766
Who redesigned the lobby
of this building
23
00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:12,637
I don't live in?
24
00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:14,248
Grace Adler, you say?
25
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:17,425
She sounds single and ready
to try too hard.
26
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,733
- I told you to dress like
a serious interior designer.
27
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:24,432
I can see the outline
of your lulu-lemons.
28
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,217
- You know what, Grace?
29
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:30,742
I fulfilled my rear-end
of this bargain, okay?
30
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,744
So I'm going to yoga class...
31
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:35,225
where they encourage us
to hold in our farts
32
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:38,663
and steer clear away
from toxic people, okay?
33
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:41,101
So nama-stay away from me.
34
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:43,146
Hi, Mrs. Timmer!
35
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,769
- Here you go.
36
00:01:57,813 --> 00:02:00,250
You're welcome.
37
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:02,339
Yeah. Yeah, you.
I held the door for you.
38
00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:03,732
You're supposed
to say "thank you."
39
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:05,690
It's called a social contract
when someone...
40
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:08,171
don't walk away!
Don't walk away!
41
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:11,522
I'm teaching you manners,
you frickin' Neanderthal!
42
00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,437
- Will, Will, Will.
- Hmm?
43
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:14,873
- Twitter celebrity sighting.
44
00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:17,137
The West Side Curmudgeon
is here.
45
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:18,616
- I love him!
46
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,662
He hates the things we hate
and Tweets about it!
47
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:23,360
- Should I go over
and fan-girl out on him?
48
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,406
- Oh, I wouldn't.
- Okay, well, we're different.
49
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:30,454
I know who you are.
50
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:31,629
- Okay.
51
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:33,457
- You're the
West Side Curmudgeon.
52
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,633
- It's not a secret,
so you can stop talking
53
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,766
like a drug dealer
on a kids' show.
54
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:40,943
Genius!
55
00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:43,293
You're delivering!
56
00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:46,296
Oh, I... I read your feed
every day.
57
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,342
I mean, we hate
all the same things.
58
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,648
TV and taxis and...
- Chatty redheads?
59
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,302
- Yeah, the worst.
60
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,304
I'm Grace.
61
00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:55,479
- Noah.
62
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:57,481
So, uh, what is this?
- Oh, oh.
63
00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,744
Well, I, um... over here.
64
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:02,660
I am running for President
65
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:05,794
of the New York Society
of Interior Designers.
66
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:08,231
And you have a ton
of followers,
67
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,929
and I would love a shout-out.
68
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,496
- What?
No, I'm not here for the...
69
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,933
I saw a crowd and thought
there'd be appetizers.
70
00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,457
- I so get that.
71
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,372
I was technically
a Scientologist
72
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,678
for, like, a minute
because their welcome center
73
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,550
had great chicken salad.
74
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:25,205
- I... I was in AA for the donuts
75
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,772
but left
because of the camaraderie.
76
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,907
- Are we the same person?
77
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:34,562
- I don't know, did you ex-wife
pound on your door this morning
78
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,303
looking for money?
79
00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:39,349
That's who that was!
80
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,703
Just kidding.
Um, my ex is a man.
81
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,705
I like men.
Oh, not plural.
82
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,316
One at a time.
83
00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:51,883
And... and with a reasonable
amount of time
84
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,711
between them.
85
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,236
But what is reasonable, really?
86
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,889
Oh, chatty redhead.
87
00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,891
Just got that.
88
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:02,981
- Well, uh, see you around
the neighborhood.
89
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,724
Do you mind
if I keep a pamphlet?
90
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,378
- Of course.
91
00:04:08,422 --> 00:04:09,901
Um, spoiler alert, there are
a lot of pictures inside
92
00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:12,556
of me making this face.
93
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,950
- Can't wait.
94
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:17,605
Bye, Grace.
- Bye, Noah.
95
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:20,738
- Hey, can you hold it...
hold the door!
96
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:22,697
How'd it go?
97
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,394
- Oh, so good.
98
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,440
You know when someone has
a dog who hates everyone
99
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:28,311
but it just comes right up
and licks you?
100
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,705
It's like that, but human.
101
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,663
And he asked if he could keep
102
00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:33,969
my pamphlet.
103
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,884
- Maybe he wanted
to keep your pamphlet
104
00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:37,407
to mock you on Twitter.
105
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:38,843
He is
the West Side Curmudgeon.
106
00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,758
- No, Will.
We hit it off.
107
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,587
He took the pamphlet
because my contact information
108
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:46,286
is on there and he probably
wants to ask me out or...
109
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,070
he's already mocked me
on Twitter, hasn't he?
110
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:49,898
- It's a picture
of your pamphlet that says,
111
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,553
"Hi, I'm Grace Adler,
and I'm running for President
112
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,337
of the Dumbest Thing
in New York."
113
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:55,556
- What?
114
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,471
No!
Let me see!
115
00:05:05,696 --> 00:05:08,133
- Grace, is Will here?
116
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,753
- I'll get him.
117
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,367
- Hey, what's up?
118
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,848
- You are not going
119
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:27,979
to believe this.
120
00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:30,852
I just saw my boobs
121
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:34,377
walking down Madison Avenue.
122
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:36,161
That's why the little label
123
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:38,903
on the pill bottle says,
"Do not mix with alcohol."
124
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:43,038
- Hey, I'm serious!
I was on my way to Bergdorf
125
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,909
and I saw a woman coming up
126
00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:47,390
out of a hole in the ground.
127
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:50,045
- The subway.
Continue.
128
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:53,396
- And I looked right
at her chest and I said,
129
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,920
"Hey.
130
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,836
Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?"
131
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,926
And she said,
"I don't think so."
132
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,407
And I said,
"I'm not talking to you.
133
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,931
I'm talking to yous."
134
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:10,500
And she said, "Oh, yeah.
135
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:12,067
"I just got 'em done.
136
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:16,158
They're called
'Karen Walkers.'"
137
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:24,079
- Wow.
138
00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:26,908
I... I got a million questions
and I...
139
00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:29,737
I don't want
to ask any of them.
140
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,129
- And then...
141
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,131
and then she said,
"Oh, oh,
142
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,482
"you look like you got
a pair of Walkers yourself.
143
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,092
"Have you been to see
144
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:40,051
Doctor DiLorenzo too?"
145
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:41,444
And I said,
146
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:45,056
"How dare you insinuate
147
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,145
"that I would go
148
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:50,148
to an Italian doctor."
149
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:59,288
- I don't know
what you want from me.
150
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:02,465
- You're my lawyer!
Stop this guy!
151
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,162
- I don't practice law
anymore.
152
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:06,164
- Potato, potata.
153
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,993
Start focusing
on my tomatoes.
154
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:15,217
You told me that
you would have my back,
155
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:19,090
and I just assumed that that
would include my front, too.
156
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,962
- Okay, okay.
I'll call his office
157
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:23,094
and see if I can get him
to knock off
158
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:25,967
knocking off your knockers.
159
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:32,234
That is such clever wordplay,
she said out of pity
160
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:35,324
as she tried
to get out of the room.
161
00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:40,982
- Will!
162
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,289
I need to go with you and Karen
163
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:45,943
to that plastic surgeon's
office.
164
00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:47,510
- How do you even know?
- I bumped into her
165
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,338
in the hallway and she told me
the whole story,
166
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:51,340
including your attempt
at clever wordplay.
167
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:53,473
Bless your heart.
168
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,259
And while we were waiting
for a tray of brownies to cool,
169
00:07:57,302 --> 00:07:59,566
I told her I'm meeting
Estefan's family from Spain
170
00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:01,829
in a video conference
tomorrow night.
171
00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:03,918
And then we found a box
full of pictures
172
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:07,095
of Estefan's ex-boyfriends
and they're all gorgeous!
173
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:10,402
And Karen was like,
"Honey, you got a problem."
174
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:14,537
- Seriously,
she left one minute ago.
175
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,974
- Will, focus!
I'm in a crisis!
176
00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:23,981
I can't FaceTime
with this face.
177
00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:29,204
- Jack, you don't need
plastic surgery
178
00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:32,207
to have a video conference
with your fiancé's family.
179
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,165
- I am not talking
new cheeks and chin!
180
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:35,515
Just shave off a couple layers.
181
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:38,082
Get a little closer
to my skull.
182
00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:42,043
- I thought "knock off
knocking off your knockers"
183
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:44,262
deserved more love.
184
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:47,396
Now I'm the guy
who talks to himself.
185
00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:49,441
Eh, it's okay.
186
00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,974
- Ha!
187
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:02,106
I found you, Noah Broader.
188
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,892
That's right.
I know your last name.
189
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,329
And I also know that
you wrote one big novel
190
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:09,984
15 years ago
that I pretended to read
191
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:11,376
because the print
was much smaller
192
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,204
than the cover suggested.
193
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:16,381
- Congrats on your five second
Google search.
194
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:18,949
Betty, can I get
a rice pudding?
195
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,560
This crazy woman is paying.
196
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,605
- Not crazy,
totally sane,
197
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:26,130
light stalking,
not paying.
198
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,697
- If you're sitting here,
you're paying.
199
00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:29,481
And a coffee.
Do you want a coffee?
200
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:31,353
It's on you.
201
00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:33,398
- I'm not drinking coffee
with you.
202
00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:35,444
That Tweet was very mean,
203
00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:37,359
especially after the way
you flirted with me.
204
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,317
- Flirted?
You mean when you talked
205
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,145
and I didn't stop you?
206
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:44,061
- And you happened to mention
your angry ex?
207
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:46,237
Okay, I get it.
You're single.
208
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:51,678
That's flirting.
- You don't date much, do you?
209
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:53,593
- And I made you smile.
- No way.
210
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:56,683
I only smile when old people
and nuns fall.
211
00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:00,077
- I made a joke about my pose
212
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,210
in the pamphlet, remember?
213
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,734
- Yeah, and my face looked
like this.
214
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,172
- Just...
215
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,652
take down the Tweet, okay?
216
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,654
- Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
- Seriously?
217
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,351
- Seriously.
218
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:14,962
- Great.
219
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,528
Have a miserable life.
220
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,269
I'm done with you.
- You're going...
221
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:20,184
- I said I'm done!
222
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:22,709
Front door is this way.
- That's what I was trying to...
223
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:25,102
- Done!
224
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,455
- Where have you been?
225
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:32,283
We gotta meet Karen
at that doctor's office
226
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:34,634
- Keep your girdle on, Doreen.
227
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:37,071
I had to pick up
my numbing cream.
228
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:39,073
I'm supposed to put this on
an hour before
229
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:42,293
they laser-blast my face back
to 1990-sexy.
230
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:01,182
- Jack, don't become
one of those gay guys
231
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:02,705
that start getting
everything done
232
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,665
as soon as he turns 40.
- "One of those guys"?
233
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,623
We are the only gay guys
over 40
234
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,625
who haven't at least
gotten our eyes done.
235
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,366
We're about to lose
our membership to the gym
236
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,716
in William-Sonoma.
237
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,587
- Larry hasn't gotten
his eyes done.
238
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,285
He still looks great.
239
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,635
- Larry absolutely
did his eyes.
240
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,203
Joe did his eyes and neck.
241
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:24,161
Rory's done eyes, neck, ears,
242
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,207
nose, head, shoulders,
knees and toes,
243
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,252
knees and toes.
244
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,734
- You're using way too much
of that.
245
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,475
Ooh, it tingles.
246
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:35,390
- God, will you please...
247
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,697
be careful,
you're getting it on your lips.
248
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,829
Don't lick it off.
249
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,396
- Would you relax?
250
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:43,485
It's fine.
251
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:47,794
That's so... that's so weird!
252
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,404
It's like...
253
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:53,713
- "Overuse may cause
extreme facial numbness."
254
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:56,759
How long does it last?
255
00:11:56,803 --> 00:12:00,545
- What?
- How long does it last?
256
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:03,592
- Oh, "how long does it last."
257
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,855
Uh, four hours.
Why?
258
00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,335
I have to call Estefan
259
00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,511
at 7:00 tonight.
260
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,252
- What?
261
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:14,124
- I have to call Estefan
at 7:00 tonight.
262
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:16,779
- What?
263
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,651
- I have to call...
- Oh, you have to call Estefan
264
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:20,870
at 7:00 tonight.
265
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,655
Well, that's 1:00 AM in Spain.
266
00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,440
You're sure he didn't mean
7:00 his time?
267
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,442
'Cause that's right now.
268
00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:29,531
- Oh, thi.
269
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,450
Ah!
My fingers don't work!
270
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,495
My fingers don't work!
271
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:42,239
- "Contact with fingers
and other sensitive areas
272
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:44,328
may cause
an unwanted reaction."
273
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,461
That's good advice
for your love life, too.
274
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,245
- Will, help me!
I gotta make the call!
275
00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:49,812
- Wait, it goes on.
276
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:52,293
"In case of contact
with tongue,
277
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:55,426
eating a banana may reverse
the effects."
278
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,733
- Really?
279
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,475
Holy crap!
I'll just eat a banana!
280
00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:41,864
You thon of a bith.
281
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:52,266
- Seriously,
it's just one Tweet.
282
00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:55,312
- Oh, good, you're back.
You forgot to pay.
283
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:58,054
- Seriously, it could
really hurt my campaign.
284
00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,273
- Then you'd never get
to be President
285
00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,101
of the made-up thing.
286
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,233
- It is not a made-up thing.
287
00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:05,932
It is a society dedicated
to the advancement
288
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,977
of design and beautification
of New York.
289
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,936
- Don't take it personally,
okay?
290
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:12,895
I just think people like you
are ruining the city.
291
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:15,419
Did you know there are
now more cupcake shops
292
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,334
than porno theaters
in my neighborhood?
293
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:20,250
Who wants to live
in that world?
294
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,730
- I do!
295
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:23,253
Porn is gross,
and we are living
296
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:26,822
in the golden age of cupcakes.
297
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,390
- New York doesn't need
"beautification," okay?
298
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:30,826
It needs uglification.
299
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,002
Bring back
Lincoln Plaza Cinemas and...
300
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:34,743
and Little Mike's.
301
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:37,267
- I found a mouse in my soda
at Little Mike's once.
302
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,879
It hadn't finished
drowning yet.
303
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,930
- So you drink around it!
It's New York!
304
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,847
- You know what I think?
305
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,980
I think you are a miserable,
cynical person
306
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:55,938
who finds fault with everything
307
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:58,767
because you're alone in your
sad apartment on Amsterdam,
308
00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:01,291
and your life didn't turn out
the way you wanted it to.
309
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,815
- It's almost as if
I'm a curmudgeon
310
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:06,209
who lives on the West Side.
311
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:10,039
And you follow me
because you're also angry
312
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:11,867
that life didn't turn out
the way you wanted.
313
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,477
- My life is terrific.
- Oh, really?
314
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:16,132
You wanted to be divorced
and alone in your late 40s?
315
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:20,093
- Hey!
I am in my late-mid 40s.
316
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:25,011
And I am not alone.
317
00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:26,969
I live with my gay best friend.
318
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:30,016
- So you have realized
your dream.
319
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,756
- You know what?
You don't know
320
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,236
anything about me,
321
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,369
and if I was better at thinking
322
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,327
of devastating things
in the moment,
323
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,939
I would so destroy you
right now.
324
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:42,028
But they always come to me
ten minutes too late,
325
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,378
so I am done with you.
326
00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:46,032
I know!
327
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:51,211
There really should be
an exit right there.
328
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:13,494
Hello!
329
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:17,193
- Why are you wearing
so much sun block inside?
330
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:19,326
- No, no, wait, wait, wait!
331
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:21,502
- You are nervous,
but they will love you
332
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,112
because I love you.
333
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:24,505
Oh, one tiny thing.
334
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:26,855
My father has very recently
335
00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:29,075
suffered a stroke.
336
00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:34,210
So, please,
do not call attention to it.
337
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,432
Papa, Jack.
338
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,525
- Jack, what are you doing?
339
00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,222
I can't feel my face!
340
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,181
I can't feel my face.
- Oh, yes,
341
00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:51,010
keep mocking my poor papa,
mister funny man.
342
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:53,186
You think you are some kind
of a John Mulaney,
343
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:56,972
but your humor is cruel
like Daniel Tosh.
344
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,365
- No, no!
345
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,106
My face is numb
346
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,890
because I used too much
prescription medicine
347
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,413
because I was gonna get
a cosmetic procedure
348
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,111
so I can be as gorgeous
as your other boyfriend.
349
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:06,547
- Oh!
350
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,331
You can't feel your face
because you used too much
351
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,985
prescription medicine
because you were going to have
352
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,117
a cosmetic procedure
so you can be as gorgeous
353
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,901
as my other boyfriends?
354
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,990
I'm so sorry, Estefan.
355
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,383
- Don't you know?
356
00:17:16,426 --> 00:17:18,080
You are beautiful.
357
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,821
An eternal boy.
358
00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:21,127
You're like Peter Pan,
359
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:24,173
but you look even better
in tights.
360
00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:26,436
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
361
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:34,227
- That was Dr. DiLorenzo's
office.
362
00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:36,229
They will no longer be
using your name
363
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:37,752
for his implants.
364
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,797
They'll now be called
"Ah-oogahs."
365
00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:41,060
- Mm.
366
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:46,326
- So I guess we won.
- Huh.
367
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,632
Normally, ruining
an Italian's business
368
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:51,418
would make my day.
369
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:57,598
But there are still
younger women out there
370
00:17:57,641 --> 00:17:59,774
wearing my best asset.
371
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,297
- Oh, come on, Karen.
372
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:03,560
You're a gorgeous woman
and as... as long
373
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,606
as that contract you signed
in blood holds up
374
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,999
you'll be gorgeous
for eternity.
375
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:11,307
- If you can't trust Satan,
who can you trust?
376
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:16,921
- Eh, getting older sucks.
377
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:19,446
- And we're only getting older.
- Mm.
378
00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:21,883
- Every second,
closer to death.
379
00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:24,320
And now we're closer.
380
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,496
And now we're closer.
381
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,063
And now...
- Okay, another... another way
382
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,760
to look at it is...
383
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:31,806
is right now,
we're the youngest
384
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,722
we'll ever be,
so we might as well enjoy it.
385
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,637
- Oh, that's true, honey.
386
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,769
Plus, who cares
if we're getting older?
387
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,467
We're both filthy ri...
388
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:43,383
I mean, age is only a number.
389
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,652
- You're an awful human being,
390
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,654
and I'll always
be here for you.
391
00:18:53,697 --> 00:18:55,830
- I know that about you.
392
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:03,620
- Okay, I thought of exactly
what I want to say to you.
393
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,797
- Is it nice?
I bet it's nice.
394
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,669
- You're a coward.
395
00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,061
You're afraid of failure,
396
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,151
so you never wrote
another book again.
397
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:13,761
You flirt with me
but then you deny it
398
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:15,371
so you don't have
to be exposed.
399
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:17,765
You lob little insults
at the world
400
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:20,855
and it's all so safe.
401
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:22,944
Look, I know you think
what I do is lame,
402
00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,728
but at least I try.
403
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:26,121
I take something bad
404
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,124
and I try to make it better.
405
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,127
Without that...
without the possibility
406
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,435
for a little joy or beauty
in your life...
407
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,567
what's the point?
408
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:39,700
- Nice monologue.
409
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:40,962
You must have majored
in theater
410
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:43,443
when you were at NYU.
411
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,662
- Just because I memorized it
412
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:47,925
and wrote it down
on this napkin...
413
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:52,191
- That's toilet paper.
Where did you write this?
414
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,417
- Where I find inspiration
is none of your business.
415
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:04,942
Wait, how did you know
I went to NYU?
416
00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:06,596
- What?
You told me.
417
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,903
- No, I didn't.
418
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:11,601
You Googled me.
419
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:15,083
I did not.
- Oh, but you did.
420
00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:18,695
Let me see your search history.
421
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:21,481
- You do not want to see
my search history.
422
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:25,485
Fine.
Fine.
423
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:27,095
I Googled you, all right?
424
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:30,098
But that... that doesn't mean...
it's not because... that...
425
00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:31,578
listen.
426
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:34,145
I had no... this...
427
00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:40,935
Wow.
428
00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:42,458
Do you need to storm out
429
00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:44,460
and gather your thoughts?
430
00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:46,680
The exit's that way.
431
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,249
- Huh.
432
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,207
- "Huh" what?
433
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,775
- Just "huh."
434
00:20:57,081 --> 00:20:59,170
I'll take down the Tweet.
435
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:00,955
- Thank you.
436
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:04,524
- You want a rice pudding?
437
00:21:10,138 --> 00:21:11,835
- Sure.
438
00:21:13,315 --> 00:21:15,970
- Might be a while.
The service is terrible.
439
00:21:17,188 --> 00:21:19,539
- I'm not in a hurry.
439
00:21:20,305 --> 00:21:26,679
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/6vrzt
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
31274