Original subtitles

Drinks on me!

Chris.

Mmm.

You ever want to jerk off with that hand again,

I suggest you get it off my ass.

I like when you talk dirty.

Keep doing it.

Oh!

Fuckin' bitch!

Fuck you, man!

♪ Who the hell you think you are? ♪

I've got it from here.

Your mother was cleaning your room.

She found the copies of Guns & Ammo under the bed.

I know you have certain urges... it's natural...

but you can't let it get in the way of your gift.

Sir, I don't want to be an electrical engineer, sir.

It's not my passion, sir.

You need to face reality.

You're never gonna do what I do.

- Because I'm a girl. - No.

Because you're too damn smart.

Your brothers, they could slice a man in half

and then go out for ice cream... that's not you.

Which is exactly why I should do what you do.

Instead of them.

I've decided.

I'm signing up.

Go ahead... and I'll make damn sure

that you spend your whole career swabbing toilets.

Someday you'll realize that I'm doing you a favor.

You're not built to do what I do.

We got to disarm that thing.

Before Dragan finds us.

It's too late.

Knife.

JC, I need a weapon.

You're looking at it.

Come on!

No... !

Copy that.

It's Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Good evening, ladies.

Oh, he's so handsome.

♪ 'Cause if you're not ♪

♪ Really here ♪

♪ Then I don't want to be either ♪

♪ I want to be next to you ♪

♪ Black and gold, black and gold ♪

♪ Black and gold ♪

♪ Mmm, mmm ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ I look up into the night sky... ♪

You're late.

And you are as beautiful as I remember.

Hmm.

Go upstairs.

Second room on the right, there's a balcony.

When this turns red,

toss it over the edge.

What does this have to do with rescuing Luis?

Just trust me.

JC.

Hey, Victor.

- Good to see you. - How are you?

I'm good. You know, since my flight out isn't till next week,

I've had the opportunity to explore Bulgaria.

Such a fascinating country.

- Incredible people. - Always turning lemons into lemonade.

It will serve you well.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

It's good to see you, brother.

Oh, word of advice:

Take the role in the musical.

Always listen to the PR people.

And don't forget to thank your father.

- That was lovely. - Yeah!

Yes!

Oh. Go get 'em, baby.

Ooh.

Hi, guys.

Hello.

- Hi. Hi. - Hello. Hello.

My friends.

Are you enjoying my party?

You know, when I was beautiful, beautiful little boy...

I used to love

to sneak into our town's theater

to watch American action movies.

Yeah!

Yes.

And I learned two things:

to speak the proper English...

... and, more importantly,

they taught me how life really works.

Fuckin' truth, truth.

- Truth. - You know, you know.

Absolutely.

You know what I mean.

Two years ago,

I told United Morris Agency

that I would...

finance a movie.

Would you like to see a little taste

of what we've been making?

Yes! Yes!

Roll it. Roll it.

Roll that shit!

I pledge allegiance...

to kicking ass.

This is for freedom, justice,

and the Huckleberry way.

Huck, help me!

Come closer, closer!

Huck!

You can't defeat the Confederacy

and end slavery all by yourself.

Maybe not, but I will have to try.

_

_

_

Fuck yes!

This shit's so hot.

That was close, C-word Jim.

Ah-so, Huck-san.

This summer,

it's time to get Hucked!

A film by Gunnar.

What the fuck?!

Move, move! Move!

You're welcome.

Exciting, huh?

Tom Sawyer like you've never seen her before.

A movie can be exciting, sure.

But it cannot be exciting

without a real movie star.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the muscles from Brussels, Mr. Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Thank you.

_

_

_

_

Jean-Claude, come up, my friend.

Come up.

Jean-Claude! Jean-Claude...

Jean-Claude! Jean-Claude...

No, thank you.

Jean-Claude, yes, yes.

Come up, come up, come up.

No, thank you.

I... I mean it.

Jean-Claude, come up.

No.

Fuck!

What the fuck?! What the...

Get out of the way!

Vanessa... you can come out.

How'd you know I was there?

And what the hell was that ball?

Don't have time to explain.

No, we're supposed to be partners.

You know I don't like it when you just tell me to...

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

This was always my favorite part...

the quiet before the storm.

Oh, uh...

Luis!

Wait. Wait!

It's booby trapped.

He's right.

This platform is calibrated to my exact weight.

If it changes one ounce more, one ounce less,

the mines will explode, and I'll be vaporized.

We need to disarm that thing

before Dragan realizes where we are.

It's too late.

Knife.

Come on.

You had no choice.

- I know. - Okay.

Does it always feel like this?

If you're lucky.

I have a plan.

I jump on, you jump off.

I told you,

this platform is calibrated to my exact weight.

You jump on here, you die.

They gave you a sandwich today.

Did you eat it?

No.

Then we weigh exactly the same amount.

I've been dieting.

Trust me.

Okay.

One...

two...

three.

Huh.

Gracias.

How did you do that?

Vanessa.

Thank God. I'm so sorry.

Someone Tasered me and locked me in the trunk of a car.

Ah!

Filip?

Is that you?

Not this time.

Then who?

I'm you from the future.

And I'm here to correct

a grave error.

No!

A timecop?

Something like that.

If you're really me from the future,

tell me something that, uh, only I would know.

You tried to fill the emptiness with fame.

It didn't work.

You have a big hole in your heart

because you don't think that...

... you will ever be loved.

Will I... be loved?

I hope so.

Aah!

Oh!

- You. - Aah!

There you are.

You killed all my friends.

You sprained my neck, buddy.

And then you tied me to a tree

deep in the woods.

Deep in the woods!

Aah!

Filip, stop.

Oh.

Timecop.

Timecop!

Timepoliceman, technically.

Excuse me?

Uh...

Timecops don't exist.

No.

- Take the shot. - What shot?

I don't have the shot.

But he does.

Oh, shit.

They found the control room.

Get me Meni Mano.

- You okay? - Yeah.

Uh-huh.

- Ooh. - Yeah.

You killed your future self.

Oh.

Huh.

Then I'm a looper.

At least you know how you die.

Oh.

Wait!

Oh.

It's the only way to save my friends

and to save me... from you.

- Oh. - No.

From you!

Aah!

Oh!

He's a timecop.

And now...

Now, that... now, that's Filip now, right?

Congratulations.

I see you've discovered my weather control room.

I spent years developing a drug empire to finance

this device.

And now it's all going to pay off.

The world will be mine.

Give me the chip.

Not a chance.

Of course.

You know, one of the greatest joys of my life

has been to be hunted by a secret agent.

And not just any secret agent, no.

The star of...

Double Impact!

Which is why

I have brought someone

very special to fight you today.

You cannot imagine the expense

of procuring a great henchman.

The search for a disturbed orphan

with the right disability,

the training,

paying for hundreds and hundreds of prosthetic hands!

But it was all worth it for this moment.

In Bulgaria, he is known as Meni Mano,

which is slang for a man who smashes things

with great big stone fists.

But I like to keep things simple.

Let me introduce

Marble Hands.

As they say in American romantic comedies,

he is everything I never knew I always wanted.

If you're a fan, you should know

what happens next, right?

Oh.

Perhaps in your prime, Jean-Claude.

But look around you.

This is the real world.

Good-bye, Mr. Van Damme.

Ooh.

Oh!

Ooh...

Get him!

Meni Mano, get up!

Get up, Meni Mano!

Dim mak?

El toque muerte.

The death touch.

Got to go?

Let me give you a hand.

Hey.

- Not now. - Huh?

She's all right?

Before you came in here, she killed him.

It was her first.

She can never go back now.

Where are you going?

All she ever wanted was to be a part of this world,

and I just want to escape it.

I quit.

Luis, please.

You're a good person.

I can see it on your face.

You don't know anything about me.

Please exit in an orderly fashion.

Exit this way, please.

Krisztina, have you seen Vanessa?

Um, I... I think I saw her walk outside.

Vanessa, wait, wait!

Wait.

You can't blame yourself.

It's just the job.

It's just a job to you.

That's how you justify the things you've done.

But I need more.

I need to know I do this for a reason.

He had a knife.

You're not listening to me.

You never listen to me.

Wait.

The other version of you, the one from the future...

he said you have a hole in your heart,

and he's right.

And I've learned I can't fill that hole.

It's too big.

Vanessa.

Vanessa,

I never ask for nobody's help

in my life.

Nobody.

I need you.

You understand? I need you.

That's not love.

Just let me go.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -