Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

10, nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three, two, one.

This is an important bust.

We need it after Slater fucked up that raid

at the strip club.

Say hi, Gary.

Hi, Gary.

First drug raid, Gary?

Yeah.

We're coming up!

I'll make the announcement when we get inside!

Police, search warrant, don't move, show me your hands!

Lab says that goopy shit from the van

is a monster of a compound.

So what?

Do you shoot it, slurp it, or sniff it?

Well, we're about to find out.

Let's assume it's very fucking potent

and highly addictive!

Well we all saw what it did to that girl.

Let's roll out!

Listen up.

Get down means get fucking down.

10-26 means crime in progress,

and 29-9 means erase the fucking tape.

Hey, you stay with me.

Running out, going in!

Police, search warrant!

Police, search warrant!

- Police! - Police, search warrant!

Police, police!

- Search warrant! - Coming up on your left.

- Search warrant! - Don't fucking shoot!

- Search warrant! - We're taking the lead!

Get the fuck back!

- Low to the left! - Damn it!

Where are these fucks?

Oursler, Slater, check in.

- Search warrant! - We're seeing planes here.

These guys could be heavier-armed than we thought.

Keep this channel clear,

you fucking professional!

All are welcome.

All are watching.

Finally, followers,

tonight is the night you've been waiting for.

Track my signal.

- The signal is the stimulant. - Clear!

- The signal is the sedative. - Clear!

The signal is salvation.

What the hell is that smell?

- Forever starts right now. - Birkhorn, don't move!

Hands in the air, motherfucker.

Fuck.

Oh, those fucking eyes.

Hey, I know this guy.

He owns the video store on my block.

This is Brayberry, we founds some

of that goopy shit from the videotape.

We've also got a 419, could be self-inflicted.

- Police, first squad! - Police!

Are you gonna keep crying, Slater,

or are you gonna find me some drugs in there?

Police, search warrant!

Slater, we've got bodies!

Maybe get another tac unit on standby.

This is a crime scene, do not touch anything.

Don't fuck with my scene, Slater!

Slater, let's keep moving.

Got a lot of building to clear.

We'll take the upper level.

Hey, I don't think that girl

from the videotape is in here.

It's an information superhighway that spans the globe,

and it is called internet,

or just the net to frequent users.

Today millions of Americans have personal computers

and can access the net for a modest monthly fee.

I think I'll stick to my telephone for now.

And in local news, a number of Westerville residents

have come forward with stories of a mysterious figure

they're calling the Rat Man.

Sounds like a superhero, Camille.

That is no superhero I'd want to meet, Mark.

Eyewitnesses have said that this man or man-animal hybrid

lives in the sewers and comes out at night,

but if you shine a light directly at it,

it suddenly disappears.

Channel Six's Holly Marciano has more.

Is he an urban legend?

Or is there really a creature of unknown origin

lurking within the sewers?

I was just out here taking a walk at night

and I heard it making noises down there.

And it looked up at me like a...

A fucking clown.

This amateur sketch resembles what many of you say

the Rat Man looks like.

Almost everyone has come up with their own theories

and explanations for the image.

Yeah, my theory is the dude's from the fucking prison

in Athens for like the criminally insane.

That's where my cousin went.

Yeah, her crazy-ass cousin was in there,

so he's like an escaped mental case.

Oh, and he lives in the sewer so that nobody can find him.

Well, I believe it's a sign from Jesus.

It's time for sinners and elitists

to get what's coming to them.

Mm-hm.

So tell me, where did you first see him?

Right there.

Behind me, that's where I saw him.

Right there.

Okay, we're done.

Thank you for your service.

Fucking last time I need to be in this forest.

We could have picked an easier path, you know.

There are no paths.

Yeah.

So do you want more B-roll of the forest?

No, we have all kinds of footage

of the forest and the mouth of the drain.

Jesus, Barry, what, what does he want us to do,

walk through raw sewage?

No, I'm not being dramatic, I just...

Yeah.

Yep, no problem.

Okay.

Looking a little stressed.

You wanna get a drink afterwards?

- Jeff? - Yeah?

- Fuck you. - Copy that.

This is the remarkable story of the Rat Man,

- Westerville's very own... - He said he might want it

from inside the drain, though, right?

Yeah.

I mean, it's a health hazard, look at it.

Where is it?

That guy's creepy.

Yeah, let's get out of his eye line.

This is the remarkable story of the Rat Man,

Westerville's very own Loch Ness monster.

It's a mystery that can only be told

inside the cavernous tunnels beneath our feet.

I'm Holly Marciano, Channel Six News.

Construction?

- Let's go again. - Yeah, going again.

Hang on, just gotta get focus.

And, all right.

This is the remarkable story of the Rat Man,

Westerville's very own Loch Ness monster.

- It's a myst... - Uh, the hell is that?

Are you even, what are you doing?

No, no, no, there's someone there.

- Seriously. - Oh my god.

I don't have the time for these shenanigans,

can you with me about something else?

Gimme a sec, Holly, just hold on.

Hello?

Excuse me.

Oh man, are you fucking kidding?

What is it?

I don't know.

Ah.

Yeah, it's just a bunch of junk.

You think kids live down here?

I don't know if you'd call this living,

but yeah, I mean, it's possible.

Jesus Christ.

You know, we are the richest country in the world

and we treat people like this.

It's shameful.

We should record more of this.

Right, evidence of what it's like

to actually live down here.

Wow, you are really selling this, Holly.

Don't be a dick.

I'm serious, this is a good story.

Don't you have an AA meeting?

Fuck, I don't want to sit around

and talk about my fucking drinking problem, okay?

Don't you want to do something

that will make a difference, Jeff?

That will like, I don't know, help people?

Help you get your Pulitzer, right?

This is what we're talking about.

Holly!

- Holly! - Come!

I need your light.

Ah, fuck.

Come on.

What are you doing?

What?

What's going on?

I think someone's here.

Come on.

Holy shit.

Check, look behind you, check.

This must be where he lives.

Okay, so let's,

I don't think we should be messing with this right now.

We don't have to mess with anything,

just get some footage.

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff...

Let's get the fuck out of here.

- Just calm down, calm down. - No, no, no, no.

Take a deep breath.

I'm not, fuck.

fuck, is that him?

It's okay, just take a deep breath, all right?

We didn't come this far to get nothing.

Just take a deep breath, let me get your camera.

It's okay.

Okay.

- Give me a sec. - Okay, good?

Yeah, just give me a sec.

Okay.

I'm ready, do you see him?

Yeah.

Just relax.

Hi.

Hello.

We didn't mean to scare you.

We're, we're friends, we just...

We wanna ask you just a couple of questions.

Is that okay?

Okay, I'm gonna come a little bit closer.

Okay, okay.

Can I ask you what your name is?

Bill.

Bill.

It's really nice to meet you, Bill.

I'm Holly, and that's Jeff.

Do you have a last name, Bill?

Are there other people that live down here with you?

Raatma.

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

Did you say Rat Man?

Are, are you the Rat Man, Bill?

Okay, uh...

Thank you.

I'm going to leave you my business card,

- right here. - Holly!

I'd love to follow up...

Holly, Holly...

Holly?

Holly!

Fuck this, I'm out, I'm out of here.

What...

What the...

Oh my god!

What?

What, I don't know

what you want with...

There are...

There are people that can help you,

that can get you on your feet, okay?

I'm actually doing a story on you.

To show people that...

That you're just, you're just...

You're normal, just you need some help,

and I can help you.

Okay, I can...

If you just let me, I can help you, okay?

Just let me help you.

- How? - And I can help...

How would you help?

I wanted to tell their stories.

I would tell their stories to the public.

- Oh. - I would help you.

That's a very generous offer,

but we're gonna tell our own story.

- Jeff? - Holly?

- Jeff, Jeff? - Holly!

Jeff!

Stop, stop!

No, turn that light off, you're scaring him.

Come on.

Come on.

That's it, come on.

In the name of Raatma.

No, no!

Please, no, no!

Help me, please, no!

- Please, no! - I thought you were

gonna do one of your little news stories on us.

No, please.

Now you might not realize it yet,

but you are witnessing the beginning of a new era.

Only the righteous shall rise.

Your friend wasn't worthy, but you, who knows?

For all of your sins, you could be saved.

No!

No, please, please!

No!

- No, please! - Give me that.

It's time to see if you're welcome in the new world.

It's not for me to answer evil for evil.

We leave that to the wrath of our new god.

Please, no, god!

Why, God?

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Now I am very glad to have our wonderful coworker

Holly Marciano with us following her incredible rescue

after she got trapped in a storm drain.

Okay, come on.

Come on, give me your hand.

Gripping stuff.

And as I'm sure our viewers are by now aware,

we are very sad to report that cameraman Jeff Wohl

has yet to be found.

But Holly, we are so happy to have you back.

Thank you, Mark, it's good to be back.

It's the first day of fall,

and there's no better way to kick off the season

than with Westerville's 94th annual pumpkin festival.

People are already lining up to Raatma the hay rides,

apple Raatma, and of course,

to see who will be crowned the festival's largest Raatma.

Okay, why don't we cut to commercial...

Jesus fucking Christ!

And in sports news,

Ohio state plays the Indiana Hoosiers tomorrow night.

Good luck to our Buckeyes.

I'm Holly Marciano, Channel Six News.

Hail Raatma.

These super labs can be booby-trapped,

proceed with caution.

Could be no one left alive in here.

You feeling in over your head, Nash?

Mind your own fucking head, Slater.

I've got people, there's people in here.

Blue Team, we've got more DBs.

Room full of bodies.

Fuck me, I'm calling for backup.

No, not yet, let's find the others.

Hey Slater, what's your 10-20?

Fuck if I know.

Oursler and I got fucking separated.

Could be these bitches are barricaded or got tipped off.

Stay where you are.

You know, if this thing ever makes the news,

and they ask for an interview,

I can do it, I got a face for TV.

So with these memorial videos,

isn't it usually just like home movies?

We record our services from time to time.

You haven't yet met the family of the deceased, have you?

They are, well, the main point is

we never question the request of the client.

Grief is a personal matter.

If the bereaved family wants to include footage

of the wake in their memorial video, we are happy to oblige.

I assume they're paying extra for this.

That also, yes.

Hand me the battery.

I've got it to program for the cameras as well,

so make sure you keep this in CD mode,

otherwise you'll eject a tape

in the middle of someone's eulogy.

- Ready to go? - Yeah, I parked out front.

The wake's going to begin at nine, so I would suggest

- you open the doors... - Yeah, I already know.

- Why's the casket crooked? - Hm?

I didn't place it like that.

You know I didn't go near it.

Maybe I bumped it.

Whatever.

Oh, Jesus, that's heavy.

Well he was a big boy.

Parts of him that were left, anyway.

Ronald, he's joking, right?

The deceased was in a severe accident.

It is a closed casket wake.

- Yeah, I knew that, but... - Don't worry.

I was more or less able to get him back

into his original shape.

Pity about his face and head.

But the family wanted him to put back together,

and aside from that top part, I'd say it's pretty good work.

But don't take my word for it,

why don't you have a look for yourself?

You're gonna do great, Hailey.

I'll be in early tomorrow morning to relieve you,

so if anything serious comes up, give me a call.

And if it doesn't, don't wake me up.

Yes, I was just about to switch out the tapes,

but I feel dumb recording myself just sitting here.

I'm standing.

Call me if anything serious came up.

Nothing happening, it's not serious.

It's a wake, he's not going anywhere.

Maybe they got caught in the storm,

or maybe nobody liked the guy.

Okay, okay, sorry.

Hey Sharon, it's me.

I know it's late, but if you're up,

give me a call it the funeral home.

No one's here and I'm working all night,

and I had a quick question for you.

Bye.

Hello?

I mean, Jensen Funeral Home.

Hey, Sharon, yeah.

Your mom still saves the newspaper, right?

No, I...

No, that's fine.

Listen, would you mind checking the obituary page

in the last few issues for a guy named Andrew Edwards?

This is weird, but I'm supposed

to be hosting his wake tonight, and I...

Something like that.

Basically, just in the past week.

Yeah.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

Bye.

Shit, shit.

It's crooked?

I am fucking telling you he's alive in there.

He fucking moved, I heard it.

I promise you, he is very dead, Hailey.

If you can't handle one under-attended wake...

Hang on, here's Tim.

Hailey, kid, I assure you that body in that casket

is not capable of moving.

All those stories about people waking up

are just urban legends.

It's just gas is escaping

or one of the other hundred chemical processes

that can happen with embalmed remains in the first 96.

We talked about this.

Gas is escaping.

It's just you there, right?

So go crack the lid and take a peek.

Seriously, I mean it, Ronnie and I will stay on the line

and you'll see it's just a person's remains.

Might look a little gross,

but that's all it is, and you'll feel better.

Hailey?

No, you're right.

It's just the remains settling, I know that.

Sorry, Tim.

It's okay, kid.

But don't call here again tonight or Ron will fire you.

Goodnight.

This is Andrew's wake, no?

Yes, yes.

My gosh, I am so sorry, wait one second.

We had a power outage, so...

We met with a man before, an old fellow.

He's not here tonight?

Oh, you must mean Ronald, he's the manager.

He'll be in tomorrow for the funeral services itself,

but I was given the responsibility of the wake.

Doesn't matter.

Of course, I understand very few could make it up

in this storm.

There's a tornado watch, something like this.

I listen to the weather.

May I?

My gosh, yes.

Here.

Are you family, or...

Thank you very much.

Oh, do you need anything else?

No, I paid my respects in full.

Janssen Funeral Home.

Hey, sorry, I totally passed out.

Don't sweat it, it's cool.

No one showed up to this wake tonight.

It's been kind of creepy,

so I wanted to know the deal with the dead guy,

but someone finally visited, so now it's not as strange.

Really, someone showed up?

What were they like?

Why?

I went and flipped through the Tribune

for Andrew Edwards like you said,

but I didn't need to look in the obituaries.

He was on the front page.

What?

Andrew Edwards is the name of the guy

who jumped off the roof of that church down in Haysburg.

You heard about that, right?

He was on the roof for an hour shouting crazy gibberish,

and then he hit the concrete steps

right as families were beginning to show up for...

Hello, Sharon?

Hello?

What?

Mr. Edwards?

Mr. Edwards, you've been in an accident, okay?

And there was...

There's some kind of a mistake at the morgue...

He can't see me.

Petro, we're on the move, where are you?

We're fucking lost in here.

Oh god, there's that smell again.

It's worse than dead bodies.

This is not the same staircase.

Watch your step, there's something on the floor.

What the fuck is that?

Petro, where the fuck are you?

We've got another 419, definitely not self-inflicted.

We don't need more tech, we need a gravedigger!

We're gonna need more than just one gravedigger.

This is gonna get nastier.

Petro!

Oursler!

Fucking radio isn't working.

Petro, Oursler!

All officers check in right fucking now!

With radio interference, this channel is not stable.

We have to find an exit right now.

All are welcome.

All are watching.

Finally, followers,

tonight is the night you've been waiting for.

Track my signal.

The signal is the stimulant.

The signal is the sedative.

The signal is salvation.

Forever starts right now.

Hello.

Hello.

Hey!

Hello.

I, I thought you promised no one would get hurt.

Oh, Gary.

Someone always gets hurt.

What the fuck is going on in there?

If you cannot clear the fucking place,

then get the fuck out of there now!

Forever starts right now.

Is Spivy here with you, Nash?

He got separated.

Haven't laid eyes on him.

I want to get the fuck out of here.

Spivy?

Spivy.

Spivy, Oursler!

Spivy?

Spivy!

Fucking hate this place.

Spivy, come in.

Brayberry.

Fisher.

Fucking anybody, come in!

Try not to lose your head, Slater.

Attention!

Oh god!

No, no.

No.

No.

No.

God, no, please.

I'm rolling.

Okay, ready?

You can go.

Happy shall he be that taketh and dashest

thy little ones against the stone.

Yep, cool.

America is plagued by a black cancer

that has been allowed to rot this once great land

from within for far too long.

We, the last decent men of America,

are the true patriots who have given blood oaths

to defend our way of life.

We will take back America.

Its rapists will be put down in the gutter.

We will put boots to them and squash this mongrel horde

like the rats they are.

We, the First Patriots Movement Militia, are coming for you.

Our time of mass cleansing is at hand.

And with this weapon

that Christ himself in his infinite wisdom

has seen fit to bestow upon us,

we have become likened unto a righteous fist of justice

that will smite the wickedness from the face of this earth!

- Yeah! - The United States

- of Fuckdom will fall! - Yeah!

By god!

Bob, what do I, I got it on standby.

Now do I just press the button?

Press the red button.

Just press it, okay.

I don't wanna press, I don't wanna fuck it up.

Let's go, let's go, let's go, roll, roll, roll!

Business, business time.

Jesus fuck!

Thanks for the puddle, Steve.

Do you copy, we got a dash on this building.

Looks like a security entrance to the east side.

Employee parking lot, and it's not open today,

but guarantee on the day it's gonna be open.

Copy that.

I'm looking at...

Got one security camera.

Two security camera, three, four.

We got definitely two X-ray analyzers in the lobby,

and maybe a retinal scan.

I'll try to get some codes, but if I don't, shit, guys.

That was final.

- Good job, good job. - Good job.

Okay.

We can maybe walk the beast in,

but I don't think they're open until well after sun's out.

Does the front of the building even get sunlight?

If we miss our weather window now,

we're not gonna get sunlight for a few months, Bob.

No, no, no, no, we have to go now.

Maybe a bit drastic.

We have to go in there and hit them up

when the building's full up, okay?

Hell yeah.

They got a daycare.

They got a daycare.

Okay, um, pull out.

Oh shit, front door it is.

You know, at least the street runs past there, right?

Oh, hang on a moment here, Commandant, the...

Via loading dock.

Oh, it's the maintenance entrance,

my cousin can get us the passcode.

Oh, nice, and the sun is there most of the day, too.

Well, gentlemen, this is where we roll in

and we detonate the abomination.

Good shot.

Tower one to eagle's nest.

Go for eagle's nest.

Package has landed.

Copy that, tower one.

Hope you weren't waiting long.

Work as much, but there's plenty of it.

Greg.

Gotta say, you boys don't fool around.

I'm very impressed with the security here.

Dam right, we're tight as a fucking drum, all right?

Shut the fuck up, Jimmy, you're out of order.

My bad, sorry, Commandant.

Well trained soldiers you got there, Greg.

It's Air Commandant when we're in uniform.

Copy that, Air Commandant.

Now your unit may be a well-regulated militia.

But you ain't nowhere near well armed enough

for the very necessary fight you've got coming your way.

My god, this is making my fucking dick hard.

This is making all our dicks hard.

Yeah, Bob, I can see it from here.

This will be more than enough

to hold off whatever authorities come at you after the op.

Now if those Waco numbnuts

would have had half this hardware on hand,

ATF would still be out there getting chewed up.

Bet you these were just drinking up

- that fucking Iraqi blood, huh? - Oh fuck yeah!

Fucking Desert Storm!

Oy, desert buttfuck, Talon!

No one at the police station

saw you taking any of this stuff?

Nope.

How's that?

We got friends everywhere.

You know it.

Especially with a grease stain like Clinton

in the White House.

Lots of cops are ready for you patriots

to take the feds down, hard.

Could you say something, Air Commandant,

about how momentous this moment is for the cause?

With the weapons and all.

Cut.

This is but a earthly arsenal.

Well met, fellow warrior.

This man here...

This man heard Wu Tan's clarion call to action

and he did his part.

He hath armed us for conflict sure to come

after the heroic act that we have all given blood oath

to undertake.

We will topple the Patrick V. McNamara Federal Building

in the infested cesspit of Detroit, Michigan.

- Fuck yeah. - Fucking right.

And you're certain the weapon works?

The creature?

Of course.

So you tested it?

Someone turn off that fucking bell!

- There. - Please, no.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Jimmy.

Bucket.

Come on, take that bit.

Don't get any on you,

you don't know what that shit's gonna do to your scent.

Yeah, drain him.

Come on, bitch.

Yeah, here we go.

That's probably good enough.

Pretty cool eyes.

This one looks pretty cool.

Kinda evil looking.

Oh shit, those coyotes?

Yeah.

Okay, let's do this.

Good girl.

Good girl.

Okay, Phoebe, this is the good stuff.

This is to redeem the soul of the goddamn US of A.

- Oh yeah. - You understand me?

Okay, get this for posterity, can you focus this?

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay, let's get that.

- Got it? - Let's do this, yeah.

Creature blood going in, three, two, one.

Say something, Air Commandant,

on what we're doing here.

Well, uh, I got to thinking, Bob,

that it would probably be a good idea

to test the ultimate weapon before we're fully committed

and running the mission.

Smart, really smart.

What's taking him so...

Oh shit.

Shit, here we go, here we go, here we go.

Run, boy, the sun is coming up!

Everyone down, down!

What in the actual fuck?

- Jimmy! - What?

It's probably blocked by the tree or something!

Get in there, don't be such a fucking...

Fucking Christ.

First martyrs of the cause, baby!

- It happened, it worked! - It's gone!

- What'd you say? - It's gone!

- What? - Phoebe!

- It's gone! - It works!

Fuck you!

Yeah!

This fucking smoke!

All right, I give the go-ahead, and...

And fucking boom!

Um...

Fuck, Chuck, one second.

- Fuck. - Sorry, sorry.

They have to all go down at the same time,

- otherwise these fucking... - Sensor's just not

fucking going, Greg, I don't know what's going on.

Well then you go and you get the part tomorrow.

Guess what, we're going the day after now.

Fuck!

Nothing can be left to chance,

we are stepping onto the world stage here.

God in his infinite wisdom has given us a boon for the ages.

A metaphysical super weapon, living destruction.

I will not let Christ the King down.

We must do his good work with honor!

Yes, sir.

Well it looks like it's one more day

until the fall of the unholy American Empire.

But tonight,

tonight we will send off proper.

We will cleanse ourselves before the retribution.

We will get cork high and bottle deep!

We're gonna get fucking wasted.

Yeah!

All right, yeah!

- Fucking... - Commandant's private stash!

Oh, get it!

You gonna go piss?

- A piss? - You taking a piss?

Are you gonna come watch me take a piss?

Yeah, you want me to film it,

- you fucking perv? - Yeah, fucking go ahead.

Hey, we're going to the pissing hole!

- No, never rest, only pee! - Yeah.

- Never rest, only pee! - Only pee.

Holy, ah, I tell you.

Fucking...

Let me tell you, these were fucking,

these are $12.

Oh, Jessie, what the fuck?

- I'll get, I'll get you. - Oh shit!

I know how to use this.

Oy, oy, oy, you're good.

Bob, we need you, Bob!

- You need a drink, Bob. - Bob's out!

- You need a drink. - Bob!

Give it to him.

Your camera is your mask.

- Camera is my mask? - Why don't you have a drink?

You're wearing a literal mask.

- You have to have... - I will have a drink.

- A drink. - I've been working hard.

- Oh, you first. - You know what?

You're sick.

Ow, ow.

There he is.

Fucking fuck.

Fucking pussy.

Steve.

Steve.

Where's the fucking monster?

Let's fuck with him, man.

- What? - Let's fuck with him.

You don't...

You don't wanna piss on him?

The fuck, Bob, what the fuck is wrong with you, man?

The fuck is wrong with you?

Bob, just go back to the fucking party, man, okay?

Let me do my thing, you go, get the fuck out of here.

The fuck?

Pussy, I fucking knew you'd pussy out, you little bitch.

Fucking Steve.

Welcome to romance hour.

Oh, oh, wow.

Give him a kiss.

- What? - Kiss him!

You fucking dare me?

Fucking do it!

Fucking French him!

Oh my god.

Give me that fucking thing.

No, no, no, no, no.

Bob!

Oh god!

You sick fuck!

Is that you?

- What the fuck? - Go, go, go!

- Wait, who the fuck... - Who's that with Bart?

- I don't know. - Who's on fucking duty?

- Who's on duty? - It's supposed to be me.

- I'm sorry! - What the fuck?

I'm sorry, Commandant, I'll fix it!

- Oh, fuck. - Go!

- What are you doing? - I'll fix it!

Who the fuck is that, who the fuck is that?

The fuck is that thing?

Is that Terry?

- Is that Terry? - Terry?

- Who is that? - Terry's fucking dead!

Oh my god.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Terry's fucking dead.

Do not fire until I give the order!

Who, who are we missing?

- Um... - Who?

- Fucking Reed. - Steve.

Steve was on desk last night.

Has anyone seen him?

Steve, is that you, boy?

What the fuck!

Stop, wait!

Wait, stop, stop, fucking wait!

Fucking wait,

take your hands off the trigger!

Fucking...

Judas fucking Priest!

- Greg? - Steve!

Steve, no, stop, stop, you fucking idiot!

You're covered in vampire blood!

Stop moving, no, no, no, no!

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve!

Come on, Greg.

Mother fuck.

Fuck, fuck this evil abomination.

We are gonna go in there

and we're gonna take this creature down.

We don't get in there before sundown,

we're not gonna be able to do nothing noways.

This fucking thing's unstoppable at night, come on.

Well then lock and fucking load then.

Move in!

Dude, what the fuck was that, what the fuck?

Over here, come here.

Fuck!

- Oh shit, fuck. - What?

Fuck.

Fucking thing, holy shit.

Go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Clear!

Whoa, whoa!

Oh fuck!

Oh god!

Oh my god, Tom!

What the fuck!

Jesus Christ!

I think we got him.

Shit.

Get up there!

Shit!

- Greg! - My leg, my leg!

Fuck!

No, no, no!

Shit!

My leg!

Okay, okay, okay.

Christ is king, Christ is king, Christ.

Christ is king, Christ is king, Christ is king,

Christ, Christ is king.

Christ is king, Christ is king, Christ, Christ is king.

Christ is king, Christ is king, Christ is king,

Christ, Christ, Christ is king, Christ is king.

Christ is king, Christ is king.

Christ is king!

Jesus fucking Christ!

Get me out of here, god damn it!

God can't help you now, Slater.

Didn't you see that last videotape?

I saw you in that last tape.

Slater's got some explaining to do.

We've got some explaining to do.

Fucking untie me!

We're lost in here with fucking junkies.

You still think this is a drug ring?

It's our videotapes that are the villain.

Our videotapes are gonna fuck you up.

It's more like a trance.

Are you telling me that Spivy

is in a fucking trance!

No, Spivy's dead.

What the fuck is all of this?

This is a far out fetish film cult

of bootleggers pushing that untouched, untouchable,

nastiest of the nasties.

Snuffing and fluffing, cannibals, animals.

Girls in white suits fucking shit up!

We deal in contraband content, strictly VHS.

Definitely illegal.

Oh my god, I didn't think we'd get busted

by our own useless unit.

Are you ready for your closeup?

What the fuck did you just say?

We are the final girls.

You're our final kill.

Some help here, Nash?

My camera's fucking stuck!

This tape's gonna be our best one yet.

Fans are gonna go crazy.

What should we call it?

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull