Original subtitles

( Birds squawking )

( gunshots )

( birds chirping )

Jacques, you are my guest today.

Yes.

You are a school teacher, you like nature

you are a keen talk-show viewer

and you collect Russian watches from the 70's.

Yes, exactly.

You are 54 years old.

Yes, that is true.

- You are a widower. - Yes.

Do you believe in God?

If you mean an old guy with a beard

who lives in the clouds...

no.

Okay.

What are your goals in life?

To be happy. That's the main thing.

Also, I have a special project that I'm quite keen on.

I would like to start my own line of sports clothes.

Interesting.

Please tell us a little bit about the dessert that you have chosen.

We are all very impatient and--

and very much listening.

Uh, yes, I have chosen the Strawberry Charlotte.

And tell us in a few words why you have chosen the Strawberry Charlotte.

Well, it is a very simple cake

and very easy to make.

- Um... - What the fuck?

And the ingredients are-- are very inexpensive

and they are not

so gross to touch.

- Very well. - This is no good, cut.

Dennis, why do you keep scratching yourself?

It's getting worse and worse.

-( bell ringing) - What, what?

You've been scratching yourself like a dog

for the last three days, what's up?

Oh, it's-- it's nothing.

It's just a few rashes, it'll go away.

- Rashes from what? - Ugh!

You know, I thinks it's an eczema breakout or something,

but it's actually kind of all over, it's itching like hell.

But-- but you can't see it on camera, can you?

Oh, we can see it on camera, it's gross.

How do you expect to make people want to cook?

- You look like a leper! - I don't know,

it's actually probably the costume I think.

You know, Suzy changed the detergent from what she normally uses so

I guess I have sensitive skin

and I've had a bit of allergic reaction.

So, I don't know, that's all.

I have asked her to go back to the old stuff and she said no

There you go, I don't know,

I don't like to tell, but that's what happened.

All right, listen,

we're gonna finish like this for the rest of the day.

We don't really have a choice, so just...

I mean, go see a specialist. Don't stay like this.

Yeah, yeah, I promise, I will do it.

- Well, okay, let's go. - Okay.

Put your head back on.

Got it. Yeah. I'm ready.

You know I was thinking of something.

What if I grab your arms from behind

but really discreetly

as soon as I see you starting to itch

and then maybe I can hold them there and that'll help.

Yeah, yeah, Jacques.

You know, thanks a lot but, uh,

you just focus on being a guest, all right?

I-- this is complicated enough as it is.

Okay, let's go again people right away.

Denis, whenever you're ready.

Yeah, okay, I'm ready. All right, let's...

Okay.

So, the Strawberry Charlotte...

( country music )

What are those sticky things in the tummy for, daddy?

Nothing at all.

That's why I'm takin' it all out, honey. I already told you about this.

It's the same for all the animals. The insides serve no purpose.

Yeah. Ah!

( birds chirping )

( footsteps approaching )

Reality!

Don't touch that, it's disgusting.

Now go wash your hands we're about to eat.

Okay.

You're a real pain.

I did not change detergents.

How many times do I need to tell you?

You know I'm right. Honey, don't think I'm an idiot.

It smells different. I noticed the smell on the first day.

You're completely crazy, you have a real problem.

Yeah, I have a problem, I'll show you.

I don't think you realize! Look. See?

Rashes all over my arms. Rashes everywhere.

I mean, look.

See? It itches so much I can't sleep at night.

Look at what your shitty detergent is doing to me. All right?

I'm being eaten all over.

You see?

But there's nothing at all.

What are you talking about? There's nothing there.

Nothing there?

Look at this. You see?

I-- I mean, all of my skin is covered in bumps.

All that so you can save a couple bucks

on a pack of detergent.

And look at the result.

I can't even wear a T-shirt anymore because of you.

Everything okay here?

What's the matter?

You know the matter is that this bitch won't listen to me

- and go back to our old detergent. - This bitch?

Yeah, that's what I said, yeah. Bitch.

Okay, listen to me, this is going to be very simple.

From now on, you can wash your own stupid costume,

- is that what you want? - Sure, yeah. Whatever, fine.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Yeah?

- Yeah. - Well, good luck.

Okay fine, I'll do my own laundry.

It's no big deal.

Um, oh, yeah.

Uh, we got some letters for you.

- Mainly complaints. - About what?

Well, about you scratching yourself.

Apparently, it doesn't look good and the fans are not happy.

Okay, okay, I get it. Uh, I'll go and see a specialist.

Hey!

I was real careful not to film your hands earlier.

And after a while, I-- I had the idea

to zoom in on your face as much as possible

and it really worked.

We couldn't see you scratching yourself.

- All we would see was your head. - That's nice.

But, uh, there are three other cameras.

Forget it. It was a nice thought anyway, but thanks.

Also, I wanted to ask.

You started off as an actor, didn't you?

- Nope, not at all. - No. Shit.

Wait. Why? What difference does that make?

No, I was just thinking, as I'm about to make a movie, uh,

I'm gonna have loads of little parts to fill so

as you came across great on camera, close-ups, you know,

I was thinking maybe suggesting, but I guess not.

- Well, no. - Okay. No problem.

There you go.

Yeah. See you tomorrow then.

( crickets chirping )

Why was there a videotape inside the hog?

What are you talkin' about, darling?

Well, I saw a videotape come out earlier,

when daddy was emptying the insides.

Stop talking nonsense.

Come on, eat.

But it's true. I saw it.

No. Listen.

There can't be videotapes inside the tummy of animals, darling.

It simply is impossible.

Reality, my sweetie pie,

listen to me.

How could a hog swallow a videotape?

It's much too big, it wouldn't go down,

it's just not possible.

Well, maybe that's what killed him.

He choked on the tape and tried to swallow it,

but it got stuck in his throat.

No, he died because I shot him, honey.

And even if he did swallow the tape,

it would've been completely crushed up by his chewing it, you see?

I mean, He wouldn't have swallowed it in one piece.

Think about it.

Well, I don't know how it's possible,

but I saw it.

I'm not crazy.

- I think you're just tired. - Mm.

Come on, it's time for you to go to bed.

- Come with mommy. - ( sighs )

Come on.

Think about it, honey.

( instrumental music )

( mother reading ) "After having dinner with her parents

the little girl quietly brushed her teeth

looking at herself in the mirror

thinking back on her day."

"She put on her favorite pajamas

got into her cozy, little bed

convinced she had seen that tape

come out of the tummy of the hog.

That night the little girl had funny nightmares."

That's it.

I like this book.

I know.

It's time for you to go to bed.

It's late.

Goodnight.

I saw that tape.

( sighs heavily )

( speaking French )

Mr. Marshall says that you must reduce your consumption of film

or else you'll go over budget.

You tell him that it is very tricky to film children.

Reality's only 7,

it's the first time she's been in a movie.

I have to adapt to her rhythms.

( apeaking French )

He's asking why the camera's still rolling

for such a crappy shot?

I was simply waiting for her to fall asleep.

I think she was struggling to fall asleep

because of the lights and the presence of the crew,

and it's not a crappy shot it's a crucial moment.

She gently falls asleep

and her nightmare begins.

( speaking French )

( door closes )

There you go.

She falls asleep.

For real.

( speaking French )

( faint ticking )

( door closes )

( speaking French )

"Waves." "Waves."

What'd he say?

- He said, less film. - Oh.

Tell him to go fuck himself. I'll film as much as I want.

( speaking French )

- Okay. -( knock on door)

You asked for me, sir? For the rug?

It's too late, buddy. I've already cleaned it myself.

Please, shut the door, I have an appointment.

( door opens, closes )

Okay. Wow!

Okay.

( telephone ringing )

Oui, Bob Marshall

( instrumental music )

Oh.

Yes.

( instrumental music )

( music continues )

( dog barking )

( dog barking )

Yes?

Are you the old person that lives in this house?

Yes.

Why should I give a shit?

- And then what? - That's it.

That's when I woke up

and then I took out my notebook and I wrote it all down

and to be honest with you, I don't know what to think about it.

What bothers you about this dream?

The military Jeep?

The bouquet of flowers?

Or is it that you're dressed as a woman, tell me.

None of that.

It's just the presence of an old man in my dreams.

I'm not used to dreaming about old people.

I mean, I never do that.

What does it mean?

It's really worrying me.

I don't think it means anything.

For me to be honest, what worries me, Henri,

is the length of your dream.

Really? The length?

Let's say it's not really finished.

It's a very short dream.

You've got me used to more depth.

Well, yeah, I just woke up. It's not my fault.

Why do you think you woke up?

In your opinion.

( Jason screaming )

Try to stay focused, Henri.

Answer my question.

Why did you wake up?

I just woke up. There's no reason.

Are you at least sure you had this dream?

( screaming continues )

Think about what I just said.

- I'll be back in a second. - ( Jason wailing )

( sighs )

( screaming )

Okay.

Henri, we still have 10 minutes.

I'm good. I think we had enough for today.

I think, I bored you enough as it is.

What are you talking about?

Sit down, will you? We have to finish the session.

No. I'd rather go.

And I'll come back to you when I have a more finished dream for you next time.

I can tell you're not interested in me at all today.

- ( click ) - ( screaming )

( click )

( screaming )

- Ah. - ( clicks off)

( screaming )

Man: Well, okay. You can get dressed again.

I've seen what I wanted to see.

Ah, what is it?

That's exactly what I thought.

It is indeed an eczema attack,

but on the inside.

- On the inside? - Yes.

On the inside...

of your head.

- What does that mean? - Well,

it means a lot of unpleasant things

that I'm just gonna keep to myself.

If you wanted a doctor's note, you came to the wrong place.

You can not play me for an idiot.

Oh, uh... What?

Get out of my office now. All right?

- You've wasted enough of my time. - You are horrible.

Yes, I know. Thank you for reminding me.

Now get out, don't come back.

You should be ashamed.

Yeah, exactly I am ashamed.

I can't go to the pool anymore.

People keep looking at me like I am gonna contaminate the water.

Of course I'm ashamed. Look at me.

I'm sick and you know it. You've gotta help me.

I can't keep scratching myself forever,

I'm gonna go crazy.

Just stop acting right now,

because you're not believable for a second.

You don't have anything and you know that very well.

So get the hell out of here, or I am gonna file a complaint.

Goodbye.

( groaning )

( screaming )

( wailing )

( groaning )

- ( tape rewinding ) - ( wailing )

( groaning )

( applause )

( knocking )

Eh.

Jacques, now that our audience knows you a little bit better

why don't you tell them

about the dessert that you have chosen.

We are all very impatient and--

- and very much listening. - Uh, yes.

I have chosen the Strawberry Charlotte.

The Strawberry Charlotte, in a few words,

tell us about the Strawberry Charlotte.

Uh, yes. Well, um...

it's a very simple cake and easy to make.

Can you hurry, sugar pie?

We're leaving in five minutes.

- Okay. All right. - ...are cheap and, uh,

and they're not too gross to touch...

( click )

( flies buzzing )

( door closes )

( car horn honking )

Come on, Reality, move it.

We're late.

( Horn honking )

( engine starting )

( people chattering )

( mixed chatter)

Oh! Fuck!

( groaning )

God dammit!

( groaning )

Oh, fuck!

Do we have a First-Aid kit?

Okay. Fuck!

- It hurts like hell. - What the fuck were you thinking?

Argh, I really hurt myself.

- ( cell phone ringing ) - Just wait, all right?

Don't move just a second.

Hello?

Um. I just spoke to Denis on the phone.

- Yeah, what's up with him? - He's not getting better.

He can't come in today. And he didn't sound good at all.

He was crying.

What a fucking pain in the ass.

Apparently, he's itching twice as much today.

Good morning, this is your captain speaking.

The leper is not coming in today.

Let's pack it up, people. This day's over.

Shit.

Hey, hi.

What?

Yeah, we don't know each other. I'm the camera three operator.

Yeah? Yeah.

No-- no-- I was just wondering.

Do you think you could do the same scream that you did earlier?

You know when you hurt yourself.

Aah! Could you do the same...

Scream, exact the same scream again?

No, I don't think so.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Too bad.

You know, I really hurt myself.

Are you stupid or somethin'?

I was just asking. I thought your screaming was great.

Whatever.

Moron.

I'm sorry.

So, before we look in detail

at its digestive system,

there's something really important we need to understand.

Now, the hog

is an omnivorous animal.

Does anybody know what omnivorous means?

Uh, I do. Uh, I know, ma'am.

Okay, Serge, tell us.

Omnivore, that means he'll eat everything.

Good. Okay everything.

But what does everything mean?

Can you give us some examples?

Uh, well, he can eat salad for example?

Okay good, salad. Uh, what else?

- Rotten fruit. - Good. Rotten fruit.

- Uh, and? - Mushrooms.

Good. Mushrooms.

Now, some of those are what are known as plants.

But what else does it eat?

Oh, oh, um...

He also eats other animals, too.

Exactly. Animals.

Okay, so this is really important to remember.

Everybody take your pens.

- Good, and I want you to write-- - Teacher.

Yes, Reality.

A hog can also swallow a videotape without damaging it.

( all laughing )

But it's true.

Toy: Whoo-hoo!

( groaning )

( groaning )

(groaning )

( children chattering )

What are you doing here?

Nothing.

( groaning )

( grunting )

( groaning )

( grunting )

( grunting )

( groaning on recorder)

( grunting on recorder)

You know you are not allowed in any classroom

during recess, right?

You broke the rules. I'm very upset.

Sorry, Mr. Superintendent.

I promise that I won't do it again.

What was on that tape you wanted to watch?

It's a videotape I found.

It could be that there is nothing on it.

I just wanted to check.

Let me see it.

No. You'll take it away.

I just wanna see what's written on it.

Give me the tape.

There's nothing written on it.

Well, I still wanna see it.

No!

You'll keep it.

And then I'll never get to see what's on it.

Reality, give me the tape or I'm gonna call your parents.

If you call my parents...

...then I'll tell everyone you dress up like a woman.

Wha-- Wha--

Me?

( scoffs )

Are you kidding?

I saw you.

Driving a military jeep.

Dressed like a woman.

No, you didn't.

( groaning on recorder)

( speaking French )

( groaning on recorder)

( speaking French )

Okay.

( snorts )

( instrumental music )

( applause )

( speaking French )

( grunting )

( coughs)

( seagulls squawking )

( speaking French )

( clears throat )

Hello.

( instrumental music )

( engine turns over )

( car beeps )

( tires screeching )

There you go. Enjoy the movie.

What kind of movie is it?

Is it funny or more romantic?

I'm not allowed to answer that kind of question, ma'am.

- You'll see. - Uh-huh.

Can you move along, please. You're holding up the line.

Okay.

- Okay. -Hmm.

Hey.

( speaking French )

"Waves." "Waves."

( speaking French )

Excuse me. Uh, when does this movie come out?

Waves?

It's already out, sir. It's playing now.

Can you move aside please,

you're blocking the other customers.

Uh, we're gonna change the tickets

because we're going to watch it instead.

Is that possible?

I'm sorry, it started 45 minutes ago.

Yes. It's all right. It's good.

Doesn't matter. Can we change the tickets?

- As you wish. - ( speaking French )

Please move along.

Thank you.

- Next. - ( speaking French )

( dramatic music )

( speaking French )

(groaning )

Shh!

( groaning )

( high-pitch whistling )

( grunting )

( screaming )

( grunts)

I'm sorry. Listen to me, you can't watch this.

Uh, this film doesn't exist yet.

I am the director, It's my film.

I just finished the script and you can't watch it now.

Man: Move!

This film doesn't really exist yet!

We haven't shot it yet.

So, you can go and see another movie.

Thank you.

- Go. - The groans are bad.

They're gonna to be better when I will work on it.

So, thank you, can we stop the--

Get out!

- The screening? - Move it.

- Go! - Please.

The groans are-- are bad.

You don't understand.

Get the fuck out of the way!

I have to work on it.

This movie doesn't really exists.

Move it.

I'm tryin' to watch the fucking movie.

( speaking French )

( telephone ringing )

Oui, Bob Marshall

Hello, Bob?

Hello? Hello, Bob?

( pig grunts )

(gunshot)

( screams, speaking French )

Ah, yes.

Ha! Okay.

( instrumental music )

( groans )

( gunshots )

Excuse me. Hi.

Hello.

I need to borrow your rifle, just for a minute.

I'm doing research for sounds, I'm making movies.

( sniffs )

You can take this one.

It's an old thing, I don't use it much.

Be careful though. It's loaded.

Okay.

Hey!

You're going to be late for work.

( speaking French )

Who was that guy, daddy?

- Where? - Well, there. Outside.

You were talking to somebody.

I wasn't talking to anybody.

Go back to sleep, sugar pie.

But I wasn't sleeping.

( alarm clock beeping )

What is that?

That must be my alarm clock.

Well, turn it off! It's unbearable!

( beeping continues )

Hey! Hey!

What are you doing?

Where are going with that?

I'm going to watch the tape.

Not now.

That isn't the plan.

For now, you're sleeping.

But I'm sick of sleeping!

I want to know what's on the tape!

Shh, shh, shh. You're going to wake your parents up.

Now come on, go back to bed.

( sighs )

I'm the one who makes the decisions, right?

I am so sick of this movie.

This sucks! What a pain.

I set my alarm on purpose.

Why can't I watch the tape?

Just be a little patient. Trust me.

Come on, go back to sleep.

Nobody's gonna want to watch this scene where I'm sleeping.

Nobody cares.

It's for the suspense.

Close your eyes. Sleep.

There you go. I'm sleeping.

Great movie.

Man: Jacques, you are my guest today.

Jacques: Yes.

You are a school teacher. You like nature.

You are an avid viewer of talk shows

and you collect Russian watches from the '70s.

Yes. Exactly.

You are 54 years old.

Yes, that's the truth.

You are a widower.

Yes.

Do you believe in God?

Hmm? Yes.

- Yes. - Mm-hmm.

So, what should we begin with?

In-- In your opinion?

Maybe we could wash the strawberries.

Personally, that's my favorite part.

Well, um, okay. Let's start.

Do you have any special technique?

- Yes. - ( object crunches )

I put the strawberries in a damp cloth

and then I rub them ever so gently.

( alarm rings )

( instrumental music )

( clears throat ) Jason, wake up!

Hey! Wake up, man. We've got work to do!

- Jason! - What's going on with him?

I don't know, he just fell.

Hey everyone, I'm here!

I'm ready to shoot this, so let's...

Wake up! Hey, man, it's not nap time.

- We got work to do. - Jason?

- ( sighs) - Wake up!

- Sorry. - Up.

Hey! Hey, come on, wake up.

Sir! ( snaps fingers )

Hello.

( whistles )

Hey!

Woo-hoo.

Sir! Hey come on, wake up!

( speaking French )

Sir? Sir?

- Come on, wake up. - Woo-hoo.

Hey.

Sir? Sir?

( speaking French )

Come on, wake up.

What's-- What's happening? I'm-- I'm confused.

It is indeed an eczema attack, but on the inside.

On the inside of your head.

( speaking French )

( groans )

Hey, come on, wake up. Sir?

( static )

( high-pitch ambience )

Come on. Wake up.

Ha! ( exhales )

What's the matter, dude?

Are you okay?

( speaking French )

Man: Hey, come on, wake up.

Sir?

Oh. Okay.

We need to talk. Uh, I think we're the same person.

What?

I've been having some weird dreams where I'm you.

I-- I don't know, I know it doesn't make any sense but...

I think we are the same person. I don't know why.

( engine turn over)

( tires screech )

( instrumental music )

( snoring )

( loud clank )

( speaking French )

Mr. Marshall says it is very poorly filmed.

And he wants to know why you chose this angle.

Because it's beautiful.

Bob wants to know what's on the tape.

He has to be patient.

Bob is wondering if you know what's on the tape.

I know perfectly well what's on the tape,

but I'm not going to tell him before he finds out himself.

It'd ruin the surprise. He has to be patient.

( sighs )

( sighs )

( speaking French )

( speaking French )

( sighs )

( instrumental music )

Hello?

Bob says you are a genius.

( laughs )

You like it?

I don't know how to tell you, I'm flabbergasted.

It's not finished.

No, but right now I'm speechless.

My brain is in my socks as they say.

- ( clears throat ) - ( knocking on door)

( screams, whimpers )

( giggles )

Hello, Bob?

( scoffs ) There you go. That's all for today.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, Zog!

( speaking French )

- What'd he say? - He said you're a fucking genius.

Yeah.

( engine revving )

( instrumental music )

( speaking French )

( exhales )

Yes!

( laughs )

( instrumental music )

Man: So, do you have a special technique?

Yes, I put the strawberries in a damp cloth

and then I rub them ever so gently.

That way, you don't damage the skin.

You could show us. It would be easier.

Gladly.

What's happened? I'm confused.

It is indeed an eczema attack,

but on the inside.

On the inside of your head.

( instrumental music )

( music continues )