Original subtitles

♪ When the moon hits your eye ♪

♪ like a big pizza pie, that's amore ♪

♪ When the world seems to shine ♪

♪ like you've had too much wine ♪

♪ that's amore ♪

♪ Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪

♪ ting-a-ling-a-ling and you'll sing ♪

♪ vita bella ♪

♪ hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay ♪

♪ tippy-tippy-tay like a gay tarantella ♪

♪ When the stars make you drool... ♪

- Timothy! Come wash up for supper.

Your father will be home soon.

In a minute, mom!

♪ With a cloud at your feet, you're in love ♪

mama! Dust devils!

- ♪ bells will ring ♪ - ♪ ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪

- ♪ ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪ - ♪ and you'll sing ♪

♪ vita bella ♪

- ♪ vita bell... Vita bella ♪

- ♪ hearts will play ♪ - ♪ tippy-tippy-tay ♪

♪ tippy-tippy-tay ♪

all: ♪ like a gay tarantella ♪

♪ when the... ♪

♪ when you walk... ♪

Timmy.

Timmy! Timmy!

Timmy!

Timmy!

- mommy? Please don't be afraid.

- Timmy! Oh, my god, where are you?

Timmy?

Mommy, please don't be afraid.

Take my hand, mommy.

You don't have to be afraid.

Oh, honey, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.

Maria?

Maria?

Maria.

You're awful quiet today, mr. President.

Oh, come on, guys.

And for the umpteenth time,

ike.

Came here to be with friends, not subordinates.

Right, and you're supposed to be relaxing, ike.

So what is it? Korea? Mccarthy?

Mamie won't let you eat off tv trays?

No, it's just a little question I have.

So why is it I can land 150,000 soldiers in normandy...

but I can't put one lousy ball in one lousy hole?

I'd give anything for that answer.

Mm.

And they say you're not a deep thinker.

Ah, they're probably right.

Uh-oh.

Looks like you're "mr. President" again.

We need to speak, mr. President.

It's urgent.

Excuse me, fellas.

There's been an incursion into u.S. Airspace.

Vehicle was shot down by an interceptor

just north of edwards air force base.

Was it the russians?

We don't think so, sir.

Then excuse me, fellas.

Ugh, I'm telling you.

Bet it was the duck that they served from the hunt.

Bit into some buckshot and cracked a tooth.

That was two nights ago.

Why is this the first I'm hearing about it?

Well, I didn't want to, uh,

spoil the dinner and worry you.

There's a doctor at the base.

I'm sure he can put a cap on it.

So you're driving to an air force base

to see a dentist.

- If I go into... If I go into town

for any kind of medical procedure,

it'll set off the press,

and you know how those boys are.

What's going on, ike?

Who are you going to see?

Now, don't look at me as if

I have no right to ask you that.

We both know not all of your secrets

have to do with national security.

I'm just gonna go see a man with a drill.

That's all.

One year in office, and you still can't lie

to save your life.

I suppose I should be proud of you.

I'll see you tomorrow.

We still can't identify the vehicle.

It's not one of ours, that much we know.

We have managed to locate a body.

A body?

Was pretty messed up in the crash.

Can't tell what it is.

Sir, if I may,

there's still a concern about radiation.

Mother of god.

Show me.

Looks like a child.

Get it back to the base.

Is this site secure?

Nothing's getting in or out.

We have two king 40s on their way from edwards

to haul this thing away.

Well, we can safely say it's not the russians

or the chinese or the boy scouts of america.

No, sir.

And now we have ourselves a new question.

Why?

Why is it here?

Sir!

You need to see this!

It's okay.

It's... it's okay.

It's okay. We're here to help.

Who are you?

Can you tell me your name?

My name...

Is amelia.

Amelia?

Amelia earhart.

Our plane was approaching howland island.

We were having trouble with our rdf.

We couldn't get a signal. It was very weak.

I told fred we must have blown a fuse,

but he said it was working, so.

- keep going, amelia. It's important.

We maintained our heading,

but howland island, it just wasn't there.

There was just ocean.

We couldn't understand it.

And then all our instruments, they went...

they went crazy.

All of the dials, they were just...

Just spinning.

We couldn't make sense of anything.

We were going down.

And then everything went white.

It was like we flew into the sun.

And that's all.

Well, that's all I remember.

And those marks on your body,

how did you get those?

- Needles. - Needles?

- Needles. I don't like needles.

I don't trust them, but they insisted.

They said that it was important,

that it wouldn't hurt, but it did.

Sometimes they took my blood; Sometimes they...

Put things inside me.

Who?

Amelia, who did this to you?

Where am I?

You're in an american air force base

in california, miss earhart.

You're safe here.

My name is dwight eisenhower,

and I'm the president of the united states.

- You're a liar. Franklin roosevelt is president.

What am I doing here?

What am I doing here? What's going on?

Where's fred?

Where's fred? I want to talk to fred.

Please, I want to talk to him.

Please, please, I want to talk to fred.

Fred!

Where's fred? No, please. No.

Fred! I want to talk to fred!

I want to talk to fred!

You're not americans! You're not american!

Fred! You're not americans!

I'm fine, I'm fine.

No, get it away from me!

Please, no more, no more!

What'd you find out?

Miss earhart's fingerprints are still on file with the fbi,

but it's gonna take at least a day

to get a comparison.

I think we both know what the results will be.

Sir, amelia earhart disappeared in 1937.

Nearly 20 years ago.

She'd be almost 60.

Mamie used to keep a photo of her in her office.

She worshipped the woman.

I saw that photo practically every day.

That... that's amelia earhart.

She's sedated, mr. President.

Whatever she needs, she gets.

Understood.

Uh, there's something else, sir.

While you were speaking to her, we got back

a preliminary serum analysis.

And?

The patient, uh,

she's two months pregnant.

How's that even possible?

Never mind.

The body they recovered from the crash site,

have they started on it yet?

They're about to, sir.

Mr. President, they're starting.

- there's nothing here. No internal organs at all.

It's like some kind of shell.

What does that mean?

How can it be empty?

What was that?

Give me the lamp.

Be careful, tom.

Wait.

Somebody get in here!

Mr. President.

Somebody get in there and help that man!

Mr. President, I need you to follow me.

Hold your fire!

Lower your weapons.

Whoever you are,

wherever you come from,

I implore you...

Stop what you're doing.

Stop?

Whatever it is that you want,

I'm sure we can come to an understanding.

Reach an agreement.

I have the power to do that.

I'm the president of the united states.

And this world, it's been trying

to destroy itself for as long as I can remember,

and we don't need any more help,

so I'm asking you,

stop the killing

and just listen to me.

Mr. President,

it is you who will listen to us.

- Um, I don't think so. Is it on the menu?

I don't see it, no, but you probably wouldn't.

It's super high end, the kind of thing

the owner would have hidden in the back

for those in the know.

How about niizawa super 7?

Not if it's not on the menu.

Sorry.

I... I did a term in japan this year,

and I, uh, got a little spoiled with the sake.

Just bring me a bottle of tatsuriki,

but wait until my friends arrive to serve it.

I don't want it losing its chill.

There she is!

God, you're so beautiful.

- I've missed you. - You look so good.

Mm!

- Hey! Where's jamie? - Parking the car.

Oh, thank you.

- There she is. - There she is.

Wow. Also looking stunning.

Hi!

- Hi. - You look beautiful.

Oh, thank you, guys.

God. Hi.

- Hello. - Yeah, well, thank you.

We did it.

And what is this?

It's not the best, but it's the best they got.

Okay.

- Thank you. - To summer.

- All: To summer. - Cheers.

Cheers.

- Mmm. - Mmm.

Guys.

- It's so good to see you guys. - Right?

The gang is back together.

It's the first summer all together since college started.

- Ugh. - Ugh. I blame myself.

Why did I say yes to those stupid internships?

Wasting my summers away getting coffee

for douchebag facebook execs

and congressmen with 16-year-old girlfriends.

- Ew. - I blame cal too.

Seriously, though, guys, I missed you so much.

This year's been so stressful... Applying to med schools

while going back and forth from home

to help my mom with my dad.

Ah, yeah. How is he?

- Cancer sucks. - I'm so sorry, kenny.

- It's fine. No sad stuff tonight.

Yes.

What's everyone's update?

Uh, y...

We're fucking.

Okay, we are more than fucking. We are dating.

- Oh, what? - What?

Kendall, honey, come on.

You didn't know?

- Um, troy took my virginity. - And how was it?

I mean, yeah, it was terrible,

but I thought that was due to lack of experience,

not lack of interest in vagina.

We didn't act on it until we got to princeton

and we roomed together.

Those dorms were small.

First, you know,

you jack off at the same time, but in the dark,

and then you just start doing it together,

and before you know it, you're late for your

great thinkers of enlightenment class

because you have your best friend's dick in your mouth.

- Whoa, whoa, wait, wait. Do your parents know?

I thought orthodox jews weren't down with the gays.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

We, uh, we hired cal to be our shabbos goy

since we've both been home from school

so I can sneak him into the house.

Shabbos goy?

Oh, so, um.

You know, jews aren't allowed to use any electronics

during the sabbath, so you hire a gentile

to turn lights off and on or turn the stove on or...

- Drive to the store. - No.

My shabbos goy.

- But you have sex on Saturday. - Yes.

That doesn't seem kosher.

Yeah, well, I only bottom on Saturday.

That way, he's the only one doing any work.

Oh, my gosh.

That's cute. Hmm.

You okay?

Something isn't right about you.

Yeah, you said no sad stuff tonight.

I didn't mean it like that.

- I met a guy. - Mm.

Most wonderful guy.

He's brilliant, and we were, like,

already in love, you know, on our first date,

and, um, it was perfect.

Um, but then we got home,

and we fooled around...

Micropenis?

- No. - Definitely not.

Um, but he, uh... He didn't have a condom,

so, like, we didn't have sex, so he just went down on me,

and then just jerked off on my tits.

Uh, but when his... His stuff, like, hit my skin,

it felt like, uh, acid.

Fuck!

You're allergic to his man juice?

Seminal plasma hypersensitivity.

She has a reaction to the proteins in his semen.

God, is there something she could take for that?

Like, take a benadryl before they bang or something?

No, there's nothing we can do.

- Ugh. - No.

Hey, this sucks, but I promise you,

we are gonna make sure that by the end of this summer,

you'll totally forget about this dude

and his venomous jizz.

This summer is going to be party!

- Party! - Whoo!

- Party, baby. - Come on.

Cheers.

You guys, we're an hour into our summer reunion,

and you're already all more interested in your phones?

Put them away.

All right, mom.

Do you feel that?

That tension that comes up inside

when you think about putting your phones away?

It's called "nomophobia,"

as in "no mobile phone phobia."

that is not a real thing.

It is, and it's a leading cause

of anxiety in young people.

It's why I joined the luddite club at harvard.

I'm cured of the curse of technology.

Yeah, okay.

I was taking a class called 50 years of technology,

all about how the human race

has had more technological advances

in the last 50 years

than in the previous 20,000 combined.

Well, the truth is that if we took someone

from the second century b.C., and we drop him

in the 14th century a.D., well,

they're gonna adapt pretty quickly.

All right, and you ask someone from the 1970s

to live in 2021, they're gonna have a nervous breakdown.

See, guys, we've advanced technologically

far faster than, well,

our brains or our emotions can adapt.

He was brilliant,

so I asked if I could pick his brain after class.

He was so calm and centered and anxiety-free.

He explained that it was because

he wasn't a slave to technology.

He didn't have a computer or a smartphone

- or even the internet. - Hold up.

Is this why we could only call you on a landline?

Yes... I'm a proud member of the luddite club.

Yeah, the original luddites

were 19th-century english textile workers

who would destroy their textile machinery

as a protest to all the machines

that they thought could do the work

that humans should be doing.

So you're saying you don't use any tech at all?

I mean, I have to write my papers on a computer,

but I do all my research at the library,

and all my teachers know I can't be contacted through email.

- Okay, kendall, I love you. Shut up. I respect you.

But that adam guy must have a 10-inch dick,

because that is the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

Technology is awesome.

You wanna be a doctor.

What would medicine be without robotic surgeries

or mri machines?

- Or hd video, gps. Uber fucking eats.

Okay, look, I know we can't avoid it forever,

but you have to believe me.

It's the biggest relief to be free from it,

just for a little while.

Do you remember that camping trip

our parents took us on when we were all, like, eight?

All: Yeah.

And no phones or ipads or anything allowed?

Wasn't that the most fun we've all had together?

Yes, it was fun.

Let's at least do this camping trip like that.

Just see how good it feels... Not a full break,

just a vacation from it.

Mm, at least I won't be checking my phone

to see if he's texted me.

Can we get one of those bedouin tents in joshua tree?

Ooh, glamping.

So are we all in?

To a, uh, luddite summer?

All: To a luddite summer!

Okay. I'm all set. Let's go.

We can go when you take your phone out of your pocket.

- What? - Huh?

What's in your pocket?

- I don't have my... - What do you have in there?

- Nothing. - Huh? Huh? Huh?

Okay, all right, okay, fine.

I know you so well, babe.

Yeah, but, like...

fuck.

♪ Wall to wall ♪

♪ and they're stepping lightly ♪

you guys!

Oh!

- Sweet. - Wow!

- Oh. - Oh, wow!

All night.

♪ Back to back ♪

♪ sacroiliac ♪

♪ spineless movement ♪

♪ and a wild attack ♪

♪ Face to face ♪

♪ sightless solitude ♪

♪ and it's finger popping ♪

♪ 24-hour shopping ♪

♪ in rapture ♪

Almost there.

Are you sure we're going the right way?

I feel like we're not going the right way.

Yes. It's right around...

this wasn't here before.

From the looks of it, babe,

this has been here since god was a child.

No, no, no, it... this was...

There was a pond here yesterday.

Yeah, I think we just got turned around or something.

I told you we shouldn't be following him.

You know he has a shit sense of direction.

But I like the view.

I can hear you fuckers.

Uh, you guys, I think we should go back.

If we go right up here...

Oh, my...

oh, my god, what is that smell?

It smells like something died.

Can we not do this right now?

What the fuck?

- Someone mutilated them. - How?

I mean, look... look at them.

There aren't any pools of blood.

- Kendall, don't. - Kendall.

This is a really bad idea.

If they were cut with a saw or a knife,

there'd be blood everywhere.

- No, no, no, no, no! - Come on!

Kendall, come on!

- okay, come on, guys. It's gonna be dark soon.

- The road is... - A road without lights

is still safer than sleeping here

with the bovine butcher on the loose, so.

I still don't understand, like, how.

They were mooing!

Those half fucking cows were fucking mooing.

- Come on! - Hurry up!

Maybe it was just, like, the wind

whistling through their carcasses or something.

How far to the next town?

An hour at least.

- Oh, my god, cal! - I'm sorry!

I can't see a damn thing! I hate driving at night.

- Well, then why are you? - I can't; It's Saturday.

Okay, well, let one of us drive then.

Be my guest.

- Cal, cal, why are you braking? - I'm not doing anything.

- I don't know. I don't know what's happening.

- What the fuck? - Oh, my god.

- I'm not doing anything. - Cal, did you turn the car off?

- No, I didn't! - What are you doing?

Wait, guys... do you hear that?

All the crickets stopped.

- Oh, my god. - What the hell is that?

Is it a helicopter?

Oh, jesus.

Where's it going?

Fuckin'...

- go. Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

- Guys, it won't start! - Go now! Call for help!

We don't have phones, kendall!

The... the car does!

- Come on, come on. - What is that?

- Come on! - Come on.

- Help! - No, no, no, no, no!

No!

Hey.

- Hmm. Hmm. - You okay?

- Yeah, I don't know. - What was that?

There was a light.

I didn't imagine that.

Wait.

Where's jamie?

Oh, my god, jamie! Oh, my god, jamie!

How did you get out of the car?

- I didn't. - Her pulse is racing.

- She's... - She's leaving with us.

- Come on. - Let's go. You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

We need to get the fuck out of here.

- Come on. - Yeah.

- You're driving. - So?

It's Saturday.

We were all put in different seats.

What the fuck? You're right.

- How is that possible? - I don't care!

I just wanna go home.

It wasn't drugs.

Nobody was high.

Well, I don't know, it sure sounds

like hallucination.

I mean, mooing half cows?

Sure no one decided to spike the kool-aid?

Hey, what about your friend nino?

- He seems like the type. - His name is cal.

And what the hell does that mean?

It's just the way you talk about him.

You know, he's always on.

I mean, he has to show off to demonstrate his power.

I never said any of that.

I remember seeing this tv show when I was a kid

that talked about lost time.

It had something to do with alien abduction,

but I can't remember everything.

Can't I just borrow my parents' computer

and google it just this once?

Yeah, I mean, sure, as long as you're okay saying

that you only believe in something

as long as it's convenient for you.

It's a slippery slope, kenny.

All right, look, you should eat something.

Uh, leafy greens, lean protein.

No drunk food.

Not sure my stomach is up for that.

I'm feeling a little queasy.

Well, you gotta stay hydrated.

What about some soup?

Yeah, I can, uh, I can send you some ramen

from that place that...

kendall?

Hello?

Kendall?

Uh, I feel like shit.

I've been puking all afternoon.

Me too.

Did we not cook that bacon enough?

Mm-mm, no, if it was food poisoning,

we would've felt better after we threw up.

I've only felt like this one other time,

and I was 19, remember?

You think we're pregnant?

That's not possible.

I mean, it's technically possible.

Adam and I have a lot of sex.

But I'm on the pill.

And, uh, the only guy I've been with lately

almost killed me with his cum.

I'm not saying that it's likely;

I'm just saying that this

is what it feels like when you are.

Adam thinks maybe the boys dosed us with something.

Do you think they had sex with us or something

and we don't remember?

No, no, absolutely not.

Okay, um, I'm coming over,

but I'm gonna stop by the drug store first.

See you in a few.

Oh, baby.

Baby, when's the last time I ate your ass?

I don't know, like, a week ago?

I think I have giardia again.

What the fuck is giardia?

It's when you eat ass...

My ass is always spotless.

And you get infected with invisible microbes

or some shit.

It's very common; I got it once senior year of high school.

When you were on the down-low with the quarterback,

you ate the quarterback's ass?

Often, yes.

And vice versa.

But yes.

I got giardia from kyle,

and I felt so sick and so nauseous for weeks.

And I had to take a test from our family's doctor,

and it came back positive for giardia.

What did you do?

Well, I was mortified.

I lied and I said that

I ate some unwashed fecal fruit or some shit.

What'd you have to take?

Flagyl.

Awful, but it went away after a week.

Okay.

- Mm. - I love you.

I love you.

- Uh. - What?

- Oh, my god. - What?

- Troy? - Oh, my god.

- What's wrong? - I don't feel so good.

It's not possible.

Give me your phone.

Just give it to me.

Jesus, what are you looking up?

- Alien abductions. - Pfft.

Don't give me that look.

When all reasonable explanations have been eliminated...

you decide it's aliens? Hmm?

There has to be a rational

- explanation for this. - Like what?

I secretly have two uteruses

my ob-gyn hasn't noticed until now?

I've developed the ability to asexually reproduce?

There have been stories about this kind of thing for decades.

Some of them seem pretty credible.

There's so much information out there.

Stories about lost time

and alien experimentation on humans.

Betty and barney hill in 1961.

You know, some people think amelia earhart was abducted.

"close encounters" was not a documentary, kendall.

Hey, guys.

Guys, we've been puking all day.

I keep craving weird shit

like vanilla yogurt with barbecue chips,

but when I eat it, I can't keep it down.

How's your chest?

Like I've been punched in the tits by tyson.

What? No! It's not possible.

What?

I need you guys to do something for me.

This is so dumb.

Men can't get pregnant!

Just shut up.

Something's happening on mine.

- Holy shit. What does that mean?

It means all four of us are pregnant.