All language subtitles for Todd.And.The.Book.Of.Pure.Evil.The.End.Of.The.End.2017.720p.WEB-DL.5.1.H264.700MB

This is the story of
a town called Crowley Heights,

which was founded by Satanists
back in the 1960s

when Satan was still cool.

It all started at Crowley High,
where high school stoner

Todd Smith lusted after
hottie Jenny Kolinsky.

The metal dudes convinced Todd
to use the Book of Pure Evil

to win her heart
and get in those panties.

But instead, Todd was possessed
by the power of pure evil.

He was defeated by Jenny
and Todd's best dude, Curtis,

but the book flew away
before they could destroy it.

Todd, with the help of Jenny
and Curtis,

along with science
nerd Hannah,

and strong, handsome, sexy
Jimmy the Janitor...

that's me...

fought off the power
of pure evil week after week.

Along the way, Todd learned
he was destined to be

the Pure Evil One
who would destroy the world

with the power of
the Book of Pure Evil.

But someone else wished to be
the Pure Evil One:

Crowley High School guidance
counsellor Atticus P. Murphy,

who cut off his father's head
to seize control of

the Satanic society
that founded Crowley Heights.

The metal dudes found out Todd
had to lose his virginity

in order to become
the Pure Evil One,

so they set him up
with hot metal chick Nikki,

who turned out to be
my old girlfriend.

And then, she turned out
to be the metal dudes

all supernaturally combined
into one.

With the help of his newest
and dumbest minion yet,

Elliot Everwood,

Atticus used
the Book of Pure Evil

to become a man-goat

and challenge Todd
to an epic battle

at the Crowley High
Semi-Formal.

The metal dudes forced
Todd to use the book

to become the
Pure Evil One,

and he almost destroyed
the world.

But Jenny professed
her love for him,

so he trapped Atticus
in the book

and sent it away where
no one could find it.

Everything ended awesome,
until they found out

that somehow
it killed Hannah.

Curtis blamed Todd
for Hannah's death,

and the gang
broke up.

With the book gone, I was
free to leave the school

for the first time in
16 years.

So, I decided to
see the world.

The end.

But was it really the end?

Deep below the Crowley Heights
Retirement Home,

something was stirring.

What is it that
you seek?

The Demon Cube
of True Pain?

The Unholy Grail
of Sumatra?

The spillings of
a boy wizard?

A plate of bad dates?

You know what I want.

Then you know the price.

Do I ever!

Let me just get
my mouth wet.

Ew, just take it.

Finally, I, Elliot Everwood,

after travelling far and wide
chasing every clue,

spending every last cent
of my trust fund

and countless blow jobs
have found

the Book of Pure Evil.

♪ Oh, I got me a heart
full of sorrow ♪

♪ Ever since
I sent the book away ♪

♪ Hard to look forward
to tomorrow ♪

♪ Going to feel
exactly like I do today ♪

♪ Oh, I sure ain't feeling
very metal ♪

♪ Got the guilts,
because of Hannah B. ♪

♪ I sure do miss
Jenny and Curtis ♪

♪ But they're much better off
without me ♪

♪ Things are really, really
really fucked up ♪

♪ Really, really, really
fucked up ♪

♪ Oh, my life has gotten
awfully quiet ♪

♪ I think I might be feeling
kind of bored ♪

♪ I sure do miss fighting evil

♪ Spilling blood
and breaking down doors ♪

♪ Oh, I sure do hate
that Todd Smith ♪

♪ He doggone ruined my life

♪ Not sure how he did it

♪ That shit rooster killed
my future wife ♪

♪ We're feeling really, really
really fucked up ♪

♪ Really, really, really
fucked up ♪

Yup.

"Reditus Meus, Dominus Domino,

ad Mihi."
Ugh!

Aah!

Holy motherfucking,
whore-porking shit-fucker.

Hey, Mr. M.
Welcome back.

I feel so slimy.

Let me help
with that.

So soft.

How does this feel?

Um, weird.

Oh, Mr. M.,
there's nothing weird about

a young boy bathing
a naked man.

Relax.

I'm quite capable
of un-sliming myself.

Shh, shh, you're
babbling incoherently.

So, what was it like
being inside the book?

I bet it was
pretty neat.

Neat?

You're asking me
if being trapped

inside the Book of Pure Evil
was neat?

Maybe the wolf wasn't so bad.

The important thing is
you're home, Mr. M.

Safe and sound.

Now we can get to work
on re-establishing

our Satanic society
that will bring forth

a new and glorious age
of Satanism.

A society in which you will be
the exalted leader

and I your faithful servant.

Yeah.

Here's the thing, Elliot:

I've been to the world
beyond the book,

and it's changed me.

From this day forward,
Atticus P. Murphy, Jr.

Will be a good
man, a kind man.

A... not evil man.

What are you
saying, Mr. M?

I'm saying that
I hereby denounce Satanism.

No! Mr. M.,
you can't.

Do you know what I had to do
to find that book?

No idea.
See you.

You can't leave now.
I need you, Mr. M.

Satan needs you.

Satan can
go fuck himself.

You don't mean that.

You're still babbling
incoherently.

Just think it over,
Mr. M., okay?

And call me, you have
my cell number.

No, wait, I have
a new number.

I'll just text it
to you.

Who will be my
evil leader now?

That's weird.
The thread from the vest

goes all the way back to
the book.

Probably means nothing.

Ow.

Hey, Jenny.

Sorry I haven't
talked to you

since the funeral.

No, it's okay, Todd.

I've been sort of
avoiding you, too.

So, um,

how does it feel
to be pure evil?

It's surprisingly no different
than before.

I don't know
if that's good or bad,

but at least
the Book of Pure Evil

is gone for good,
so it doesn't really matter.

Yeah.

Now that we're not
fighting evil anymore,

life has become very...
boring.

Well, maybe we can start
focusing on...

other things.

Like us.

I mean, it felt like
there was almost an "us"

at the semi-formal,
and then...

So much has happened to us all,
Todd.

I think we just need some time
to...

Whoa, that's weird.

Totally weird.

Curtis hasn't played with
dolls since Grade 7.

Look at it, Todd.

It's supposed to
be Hannah.

Oh, great.

Now my best friend
has gone bat-shit crazy.

Like I don't feel
guilty enough.

Poor Curtis,
he's obviously grieving.

Have you talked to him
since the funeral?

No.

I still think he blames me
for what happened to Hannah.

Maybe he's ready
to forgive you?

Hey, Curtis.

Whoa!

Ow.

Sorry, Jenny.

That finger wasn't
meant for you.

Ah, back to being
a guidance counsellor,

which is
what I used to be.

And will be again,
starting now.

Jimmy the Janitor?

But you're a
janitor, Jimmy.

Well, if it isn't my old
nemesis, Atticus Murphy.

I thought you were trapped
inside the book.

I got out.

And just for the record,
I'm not your nemesis.

That's the metal dudes.
Mine was more Todd,

and before that, kind of my dad
and Minion Number One.

Where were we?

It's like this, dude.

After being trapped
in the school for 16 years,

I thought it was time to explore
the modern world, all right?

But the modern world
is too complicated

and too scary for
this dude.

Hey, did you know you need
a high school diploma

to get a decent job anywhere
but Crowley High?

I didn't ask for
your life story.

I just want to know
why are you in my office

and sitting in
my chair?

And wearing my
sweater vest!

Look, just because you
have a fancy "dipoma"

doesn't mean you're a better
guidance counsellor than me.

Of course it does,
and it's "diploma."

Oh, wait.

It actually does say
"dipoma."

Hmm.

I never noticed they
misspelled "guidance," too.

And "counsellor."

Let me help you, Atticus.

As a guidance counsellor,
which is what you were,

let me tell you that you have to
stop trying to kill the students

at Crowley High.

I assure you,
those days are over.

You are looking
at a changed man, a gentler man.

I'm the only one who can help
these stupid little shits

with their
stupid little problems.

Now, get out of
my office,

you toilet-scrubber.

Well played, Jimmy.

Well played.

I guess I'll be
on my way,

now that there's
no place for me anymore

at Crowley High.

The janitor position
hasn't been filled yet.

You want me to be
a janitor?

A janitor!

Is the pay any good?

Dude, it pays more than
this job.

Hand me that box
of urinal cakes.

I can't believe
how long it's taken

to find a new
cheerleading squad.

I have a feeling
we're going to have

a long and substantial
career together.

Got to
find Mr. M.

Huh?

Must turn Mr. M.
Back to evil.

Must show him that evil is good.

Nice sweater.

Argh!

Eat my yarn.

I was only being
half-sarcastic.

I'm coming for
you, Mr. M.

I'm fucking coming!

Oh, blow-up doll Hannah,
I know you're not real,

but you're the realest thing
I have to the real Hannah.

So, I guess that makes you
the new real Hannah,

'cause the old real
Hannah is gone.

Whoa, so confused.

Here, eat your corn chips.
You're skin and bones.

Do we really have
to do this?

He's our friend
and he needs us.

Curtis, we have to talk.

You can talk to me,
Jenny.

I'm not talking to the dude
who killed my girlfriend.

Come on, dude.
It was an accident.

None of us even know
how Hannah died.

You can't hate me
forever, can you?

I'm not talking
to you, dude,

and yes, I can hate you forever
and I will... forever.

So, you are
talking to me.

Let's smoke a taco bong
and be friends again.

Jenny, tell Todd
that I can hear him

but I choose
not to hear him,

and that as much as
I'd really like

to smoke a taco bong,

I refuse to smoke it
with him.

Tell him
I'll smoke it later,

by myself.

Ow, ow!

Uh, what's the matter
with your arm?

I don't have Hannah
to maintain it anymore,

so it's falling apart.

She used to be so good at
lubricating my joints,

and then you killed her.

How many times am I
supposed to say "I'm sorry"?

I don't think
you even said it once.

Well, you never gave me
the chance.

Oh, you mean now?
Oh, okay.

Curtis, I'm so sorry
that somehow,

when I sent
the book away,

it had something to do with
killing Hannah.

I never meant to hurt her
or anyone.

You got to believe
me, dude.

You're killing her
again!

Oh, shit.
Hold on.

This time, I'll
save her, dude.

I promise.

Now you're having sex
with her?

No wonder you're
the Pure Evil One.

It's because your evil
is so pure.

Curtis,
that is not Hannah.

That is
an icky sex doll.

Don't call my sex doll
a sex doll.

I mean, don't call
my Hannah a Hannah.

No, I mean, don't
sex doll my Hannah.

Icky sex doll,
sticky-icky...

You get a hold
of yourself.

Dudes, it's time to forgive
and get the gang back together.

What do you
say, dude?

All right, but I'm not
talking to you.

You just did.

Stop messing with my
mind, Todd.

I was only being
half-sarcastic.

Wanda, what happened?

Some sweater-vest douchebag
dismembered my squad

with razor-sharp yarn.

Sweater vest?

Atticus
Murphy, Jr?

He must have found some way
to escape

being trapped
in the book.

The book is back.

I don't get it.
How can the book be back?

I used all my power
to banish it

forever.

It doesn't matter.

We find Atticus,
we find the book.

You want to
find Atticus,

you should check
the girls' shit shack.

Jimmy, when did
you get back?

This morning.
I'm the new guidance counsellor.

So far, I think I'm doing
a pretty good job.

Uh, my squad
was sliced and diced

by a polyester-fibre psychopath.

Well, cut me some
slack, all right?

It's my first day.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

All right, Atticus.
You can do this.

For now at least, until you
return to your true destiny:

guidance counselling.

Okay, here goes.

Ack, who am I kidding?
I can't do this.

What have I become?

Is giving up a life of evil
really worth

cleaning up
teenage bowel movements?

What was that?

Huh? Hello?

Oh, Mr. M., how it
saddens me to see you like this.

This is so beneath you.

Oh, Elliot.

The bottom of my barrel
is bottomless.

You're no
toilet-scrubber, Mr. M.

You are evil.

You know it,
I know it, we know it.

How many times do I have to
tell you, Elliot?

I have forsaken evil.

Lies, lies, lies!

You shouldn't be in here,
Elliot.

This is the girls' washroom,
you know?

Where they do their
number twos.

Lies, lies, lies!

Mr. M., remember the
Book of Pure Evil?

It's all you ever wanted.
It can make you evil again.

No, I won't read
it again.

Atticus?

Todd!

My new favourite
teenage delinquent.

Elliot, is that you?

Oh, hey, guys.

Sorry to disappoint you,
but Mr. M. is mine.

So, you can all
just, uh...

fuck off!

Oh, well, Atticus is
doomed, we tried.

Save your former
guidance counsellor.

And why would we do that?

You tried to kill us
at the semi-formal.

Only because
you hurt my feelings.

All I ever wanted was
to be your friend

and help out once
in a while.

Looks like you're doing
a great job, buddy.

Mr. M., you want
to help them?

They're the enemy.

You betrayer!

I worshipped you, Mr. M.,
but the whole time

you just wanted to be
friends with them.

Now I will destroy
your precious friends.

You showed me how good
it was to be evil, Mr. M.,

and now I'll show you
just how good I can be.

Um, I mean good
at being evil.

Not so fast, Elliot.

Hannah!

You're alive!

I didn't kill you.

But I will.

Yoink.

No!

Just like old times.

You haven't seen
the last of me,

because I'm not dead.

Yep, he's dead.

I'm not so sure.

Okay, now I'm sure.

You're alive!

Did I miss something?

Hannah died.

Now she's back
to life.

Sounds like
one crazy cliff-hanger.

I don't really remember
anything,

except dying at
the semi-formal

and then saving you
from Elliot today.

Everything else
is like a blurry dream.

I have a bad feeling
about all this.

The Book of Pure Evil is back,
and so is Atticus.

And who knows why Hannah
is back from the dead?

All that matters
is that Hannah is alive.

If the book coming back
has something to do with it,

then fine: bring it on.

Yeah.
Bring it on.

Woo-hoo.

Hey, gang of kids.

Just because we
saved your life

doesn't mean we've
forgiven you, Atticus.

But you don't understand.

Over there, in the land
beyond the book,

I saw what pure
evil really was.

I had an epiphany:
if I ever were to escape,

I would pledge my life
to fighting evil

and keeping those who fight evil
safe, and that means you.

Nice speech, just stay
away from us, buddy.

She called me "buddy."
I'm back in!

It was a figure of speech,
chief.

"Chief"? I'm the head
of the gang now?

Get out of here!

I'm getting mixed messages.

Out.

Well, I don't know
what happened,

but I guess I did
somehow kill you, Hannah.

I didn't mean it,
but I'm sorry anyhow.

That's okay, Todd.

I'm back now,
for whatever reason.

We'll get to the bottom
of what happened.

Together.

Aw,
how sweet.

Barf.

You assholes.

Have you been there
the whole time?

We're very stealthy.

Looks like everything
is back to normal;

only now,

something
is different.

Now we can get
in the school.

Which means your life
is going to suck donkey balls,

losers.

It doesn't matter if I'm
the Pure Evil One

and that the book
is back.

I'm not going to destroy
the world for you or anyone.

Old news, loser.

There's a new
Pure Evil One

in Crowley Heights.

And this one
is going to destroy

you and your gang

before destroying
the world.

The recordings
of Drs. Williams and Williams,

tape number 221.

The Hannah Project is
continuing, but inconclusive.

Each subsequent subject
contains more DNA of the book

than the previous.

Todd.

Todd?

Huh?

What?

Todd.

T-T-Todd.

Todd,

you know you want me.

Yes, yes, I do.

But I've found someone else.

Pizza
face, pizza face.

Pizza face.

Really original, guys.
I get it.

I have acne.
I've heard it before,

and for your information,

it's caused by an increase
of testosterone,

which means that
I got bigger balls

than any of you!

What's his problem?

I doubt he's got bigger balls
than me.

I've got testicular
elephantiasis.

Ignore him.
Let's just eat our pizza face.

Yeah, it's pizza,
and the face.

Come on!

Stupid thing.

Okay, um...

Huh.

You're getting very sleepy.

No, I'm not.

Are you sure
this is going to work?

If you do it wrong,
you'll fry her brain.

Atticus did this to me
and brought back

all my repressed memories
of Todd cutting off my arm

with a table saw.

And then you tried to kill
me, see? Brain fry.

Shut up, Todd.
Let him try it.

Let's start with
something simple.

What's your name?

Even I know that one.

Hannah, Hannah D.
Williams.

Don't you mean
Hannah B. Williams?

Way to go, Curtis.
You've totally fried her brain.

I don't know what
I'm doing wrong.

I am getting very
sleep... Ooh.

All this cleaning up is really
cutting into my "me" time.

It has
begun anew.

Corn chips?

Anew.

The nerve of
those guys.

I'm the one who has to clean
that glass.

Get out.

Okay, it's been a while.
How do we do this again?

Maybe Hannah can give us
a science-y explanation

of what happened.

Um, it looks like
their face is melted off?

Thanks, Hannah.
Real science-y.

Hmm, even I'm
not impressed.

This has to have
something to do with

the new Pure Evil One
in Crowley Heights.

Those metal dudes are just
fucking with you, Todd.

This is classic
book activity.

Some jerk used the book,

and now he's melting off
people's faces.

But I just don't
get it.

If I'm the all-powerful
Pure Evil One,

then when I sent the book away
it should have gone away

forever.

Just where did you
send it away

forever?

Oh, dude,
I'm a genius.

I sent it away
to this imaginary,

made-up place that no one
could ever find.

And just what is the name of
this imaginary place?

Timbuktu.

Um, Timbuktu is
a real place.

What?

But it sounds
so made up.

It's located in

the West African nation
of Mali.

Well, at least you're still
geography-y.

Genius, Todd,
genius.

No time to dwell on
your incredible deep stupidity.

The book is back
on the loose,

and we're the only ones
who can stop it.

Yeah, that's great
and all,

but I've got other
stuff to do.

Have fun.

Hannah?

Wait!

Uh, Jenny?

The book is back and our
lives are in danger.

Doesn't that turn
you on?

Whoa.

You've been totally hands-off
since the semi-formal,

and now you want
to get sexy?

I don't know
what it is.

Maybe it's the danger.

The fact that we could die
at any moment.

It was so boring
with the book gone, but now...

Where's your boner?

You always have a boner
when I'm around.

Hannah, where are
you going?

The gang needs you.
I need you.

Is this about
the inflatable sex doll?

Because I swear,
she never touched me.

I don't know, Curtis.
It's just...

I feel like it's time
I did something else.

Oh, I get it.

You're going to go do
something science-y

behind the scenes
to help out.

No, Curtis.

I'm not doing anything
science-y.

I'm not interested
in science-y anymore.

Not even pseudo-science-y?

I'm tired of being
the same old Hannah.

I want to try
something new.

But I like the
same old Hannah.

I died, Curtis,
but somehow I came back.

I don't want to waste
a second chance

by doing the same
old things.

I never had a chance to be
a regular teenage girl

because we were always
fighting the book.

Now, I have
my chance.

You have an inflatable
sex doll?

I did, but Todd
killed her.

She looked just
like you.

Ugh!

Dissension in the gang.

Maybe this is my
way back in.

Something is wrong
with my dick, Jimmy.

It doesn't seem to be
working right.

You know, when I'm horny.

You got a bad case
of limp dick, huh?

Brutal.

Has this ever happened
to you before?

Well, there was this one time
I banged this chick...

You know, an old chick,
I may add.

Not hip-replacement old,
but old old.

I called her Old Sexy.

Anyways, we'd been hauling
on the bong,

then hauling on
each other's junk

and taking breaks
to eat tapioca pudding

for, like, three
days straight.

Finally, I gak for the
23rd time

and my dong is raw.
Like, real raw.

And she wants to go again
because, you know,

old chicks know
their time is up soon,

and I'm, like, "I don't know."
But then I look down?

Bam! Another boner.

But I was worried
for at least eight seconds.

Well, the timing
totally sucks.

I finally have a girlfriend
who expects me to,

you know, do awesome
things to her.

Well, you got to keep
your woman happy.

That's what I'm saying.
So, what could it be?

Maybe you injured it.

Have you recently switched to
a new jerking-off technique?

There's other ways
to jerk off?

Well, that's
another conversation.

All right, look. Let's check out
the old handbook.

Any changes in your life?
Diet, exercise?

Are you smoking
enough dope?

Any weird dreams?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Am I interrupting
anything important?

What do you want, Atticus?

I'm here to clean my office.
I mean, your office.

I don't want to talk about
my dick in front of this dick.

Believe me, Todd,
my days of fixating

on your penis
are long gone.

And hardly a memory.

Well, I did have a dream

where I'm being chased by
some kind of shadow demon.

All right.
Being chased, being chased.

Okay, here's something.

"Your dream may represent
some form of inferiority."

I could have told him that
without the use of a handbook.

That doesn't make sense, Jimmy.

I mean, who could I
feel inferior to?

The new Pure
Evil One?

There's a new
Pure Evil One?

Maybe.

Those metal dudes told me

that there's a new Pure
Evil One in town.

That's it, man, your
wang doesn't work

because there's this other
dude walking around school

with an even
bigger knob.

Don't let his cock
make you hate your schlong.

Love your penis
and you can beat this guy.

Come on.

You can
love your penis.

Like I love
your penis.

Come on, dude.
Don't fail me now.

Just think of Jenny.

Hot Jenny.
Oh, sexy Jenny.

Jenny with a
J-J?

J.

Maybe it would help
if I smoked a J.

Okay, this still
isn't helping.

Ugh. Concentrate, dude.

Jenny, Jenny...

You are so hot
when you're evil.

Especially pure evil.

Oh, Jenny, I so want
to get it up for you.

Ah!

I did it!
It's hard.

You
know you want me.

No!

Can't deny it forever,
little dude.

Time to face
your true destiny.

Limp-dicked loser.

So, how's your
relationship going?

It's awesome.

Yours?

Totally awesome.
So much sex.

Yeah, tell me about it.
Between Jenny's smoking body

and my perfectly
functioning erection,

we're sex maniacs.

And even then, there's
not enough time,

because you're having
sex all the time.

And you wish there was
more time to have sex,

but there's not enough time
to have sex,

because you're trying
to have sex,

but your parts
are all sore.

Oh, I can't keep up
the charade any longer.

I'm not getting any.

Hannah is all weird
and distant.

I'm not getting any,
either.

Jenny is
all over me,

but my wang
won't wong.

Little dude?

Interested in
purchasing some porn?

No, wait.

That would be like throwing
money down the drain.

Ha-ha, I get it.

Because I can't get
an erection anymore, right?

Whoa.

Your dick may be extinguished,
but your brain is on fire.

Loser.

All right, assholes.

I'm only going to
say this once.

Stay out of my dreams.

Yeah, that's my turf.

Dozens of Hannah
clones were created,

each more evil than the last,
but none proved successful.

Test Subject B was released
into the community

to see if she would become
the true Pure Evil One.

You kids really need
to do something about this.

Not that I'm telling you
how to do your job,

unless you want me to give you
guidance or counselling, or...

Just go, Atticus.

You didn't let me finish.

Guidance counselling.

You're not a guidance counsellor
anymore, Atticus.

You're just a janitor.

You've got a real mean streak
in you, Jenny Kolinsky.

Nobody understands
me, nobody!

Atticus is right.

We're not on our game.

We need to forget
everything else

and focus on finding
the book.

The book is just gonna
keep coming back

no matter how many times
we find it.

What we gotta do is figure out
who this new Pure Evil One is

and obliterate his ass.

Obliterate?

Awesome word.

Yeah, really awesome.

You okay, Hannah?

You don't look well.

Um, it's my,
uh, stomach.

Must have been that tuna fish
sandwich I had this morning.

Sorry to hear
that, sweetie.

And you don't need
to say "tuna fish,"

because there's
no other type of tuna.

Here.

Have some of
my turkey bird sandwich.

Um, I got to go.
It's my stomach.

Just wait here
and I'll be right back.

Poor kid.

She's been through
so much.

First she died;
now she's got the shits.

Mm-mmm.

What if I am the new
Pure Evil One?

Have I always
been pure evil?

Am I even me?

Help me.

Oh, poop.

I am sorry.

No, no!

We can't wait for Hannah.
Let's go fight evil.

This shouldn't be
too tough.

Anyone got a giant tube
of zit cream?

What do we do, Todd?

I have no
fucking idea.

That puss-faced kid must be
the new Pure Evil One.

He's melting off people's faces
just like in my nightmare.

I don't know, Todd.
That's Gavin McClintoch.

Hardly Pure Evil One
material.

He doesn't look like
he's enjoying himself.

Help me!

Todd, the lockers!

The lockers
aren't melting.

Curtis, pull off
the locker doors.

One for each of us.

Come on, guys.
Use the lockers as a shield.

Box him in.

Ow, ow,
ow! Ow, it burns.

Ow, that's
hurting! Ow.

Ow, ow, ow!

Yeah! Suck it,
new Pure Evil One.

There can only be one
Pure Evil One, and that's me.

Except I'm not
really pure evil,

even if that is my
supposed destiny.

Because I'm my own
dude who's not evil.

Do you really think this guy
was the new Pure Evil One?

She's right, Todd.

That was pretty easy.

Tell me what
you know.

Who's the new
Pure Evil One?

Hmm, how strange.

I've somehow retained
all the memories

of my previous self.

And yet, something
is different.

I feel more evil.

♪ It wasn't long ago
I held prestige ♪

♪ Now I'm treated like
I have a disease ♪

♪ Throbbing pain
in my balls ♪

♪ I hope it's not
an inguinal hernia ♪

♪ I'm a sh-sh-shadow
in the dark ♪

♪ These little goblins
got me whipped ♪

♪ Their crazy problems
I can't fix ♪

♪ Oh, how I miss
stroking my mop ♪

♪ And by "mop"
I don't mean "cock" ♪

♪ I'm a sh-sh-shadow
in the dark ♪

♪ Once was a time
you wanted me ♪

♪ Your heavy-metal fantasy

♪ Now I slide my hand
into your pants ♪

♪ It doesn't move
it doesn't dance ♪

♪ You're a sh-sh-shadow
in the dark ♪

♪ Now I'm not the dude
I used to be ♪

♪ But I love you
unconditionally ♪

♪ Bigger evil
has complications ♪

♪ You might want to try
female masturbation ♪

♪ I'm a sh-sh-shadow
in the dark ♪

♪ Something about you
ain't the same ♪

♪ Since you died
and came back again ♪

♪ I gaze at you
a thousand-mile stare ♪

♪ My penis is a torpedo
in the air ♪

♪ You're a sh-sh-shumpthing
in the dark ♪

♪ No time to ponder
your wiener ♪

♪ So confused
I'm lost and beleaguered ♪

♪ Strange thoughts
inside my mind ♪

♪ Whispering
"Stop being kind" ♪

♪ I'm a sh-sh-shadow
in the dark ♪

♪ Oh, where, oh, where
do those emotions go ♪

♪ Are they tossed out into

♪ The cold, cold snow

♪ Or do they simply

♪ Just lie awake

♪ Like a certain book

♪ That we all hate

♪ The more you learn

♪ The less you know

We're no closer
to figuring out

who the new
Pure Evil One is.

I guess we just wait for
the book to show up again.

Wow.

The new Pure Evil One
could be anyone.

Like that guy.

Or that guy.

Or her.

Hey! He's mine, bitch.

Get your own
Pure Evil One.

Whoa.
Jenny, uh...

I don't know what
came over me.

Hannah?

Psst.

Hannah?

There's something different
about you, little dudette.

I...

...don't know what you're
talking about.

You smell different.

And you're not a
loser anymore.

Loser.

You don't know
the third of it.

You seem like
the kind of girl who's...

Searching for something.

Maybe.

Well, to get it,
you're going to need our help.

Ugh.

What am I supposed to do
with this?

Mm-hmm.

Todd, I've been looking
for you everywhere.

I even tried
a classroom.

I can't go out there.

Anyone could be
the new Pure Evil One.

Stop it.

You're clearly losing your shit
to paranoia.

I'm not being paranoid
if I'm right.

Right about what?

Right about everything.

Oh, for fuck's sake, Todd,
get it together!

Be a man and stand up
for yourself.

Do that and maybe you'll
actually get a boner again.

Maybe you're the one
who stole my boner.

It's too much pressure.

"Don't destroy
the world, Todd."

"Let's fight the
book, Todd."

"Why don't you have
a boner, Todd?"

What are you
getting at?

Maybe you're the new
Pure Evil One.

First you steal my boner,
then you destroy the world!

I am so done
with this.

I've been keeping this

for when you stop
feeling sorry for yourself

and decide to be
a hero again.

But that doesn't look like
it's going to happen.

Jenny, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.

You just don't understand
what I'm going through.

Hannah?

How long have you been
under there?

A while.

I like to hide under desks
when I'm sad.

You're sad, too?

I did die, apparently.

Oh, yeah, right.

That sucks.

It really does.

So, you heard everything
between me and Jenny?

Yeah, kind of hard
to ignore.

So, you know
about my...

Boner, or lack thereof?

Poor boner.

You know, Todd,
ever since I died,

no one really understands
what I'm going through.

Curtis tries,
but it didn't happen to him

so there's no way for him
to get it.

I feel like
I'm all alone.

Lost.

Do you know what
I mean?

Yeah, I actually do.

And sometimes,
I just wish

I had someone to be with who
feels the same way that I do,

even if it's about
something else.

I just want someone
to lean on.

Hannah, what are you
doing? I'm with Jenny.

Can she give you
what you want?

Ahh.

Mmm.

There you go.

Hey, Jenny.

Are you okay?

Todd is being weird.

So is Hannah.

Boy, relationships
are tough, huh?

We have a lot
in common.

No, we don't.

For you see, Jenny,

you and I are like a pair of
unhappy housewives

waiting patiently for
our crazy-ass husbands

to get their shit together
and come home to us,

their arms filled with roses
and chocolates and corn chips

and...

You know what?

I'm tired of always having to
worry about Todd's feelings.

I have feelings
too, you know.

Well, maybe you're being
too hard on him.

I mean, he is the
Pure Evil One,

and there's another
Pure Evil One who's out there

looking to obliterate
his ass.

That's got to be
hard to deal with.

Yeah, I guess so.

And maybe you're being
too hard on Hannah.

I mean, she
did die

and has no memory
of how she un-died,

and that's gotta be hard
to deal with, too.

You know what?
You're right, Jenny.

We should be there
for our loved ones,

no matter what kind of
crazy assholes or bitches

they may be.

Yeah, let's
go tell them.

Let's go tell them...

How much we care
about them?

Yeah.

What the fuck?

Argh.

Jenny!

Jenny, wait!

Uh, huge boner.
Ow, ow, ow.

Okay, Curtis.
You can do this.

Hannah, I understand things
have been weird for you

ever since you died, and things
haven't been perfect between us.

As much as it hurts me
that you made out with Todd,

it's not like it isn't something
I haven't dreamed about doing.

Again.

Let's just put this
whole sordid mess behind us

and start over, hmm?

Fuck that.

What?

It's time I get myself
a real man.

A man who can
destroy the world.

But you can't
mean that.

Hannah!

Darn it.

Hannah, you forget your...

Science kit.

Now, if they slip
and I pick them up,

they'll have to let me
back in the gang.

An ingenious plan.

Jenny, it wasn't
what it looked like.

Oh, really?

Oh, good, 'cause I thought I saw
a boner in your pants

and Hannah's tongue
in your mouth.

Uh, okay, it was what
it looked like,

but I've been under
a lot of stress lately

and I've got a bad case
of paranoia

and I have no control over
my own dick.

I know that's hard for you
to understand that,

because you're a chick
without a dick.

Worst excuse ever, Todd.

Maybe you're lying
to yourself.

Maybe you never had
feelings for me.

Maybe you were just interested
in the chase,

and now that you've got me,
you want to throw me away

like a piece
of trash!

Well, I am not trash, mister.
I am not trash!

No, no, that's
totally not it.

If you were able to give me
a boner, I would obliterate you.

Sexually, that is.

Not only did you betray me;
you betrayed your best friend.

You really are
pure evil, Todd.

A pure evil asshole.

Yeah?

Well, you try being
the Pure Evil One.

It's not as easy
as it looks.

Stupid dong!

Always getting me
in trouble.

Ow!

Dude, I am so sorry.

Forget it, Todd.

First you kill my girlfriend,
then you make out with her.

You're lucky I'm a lover,
not a fighter,

because if I were a fighter,
I would fight you, dude.

I don't know if I would win
the fight

'cause I'm not really
much of a fighter.

I'm more of a biter
than a puncher.

Plus I'm not really in
the best of shape.

Plus I am slightly overweight
from all the corn chips

and turkey bird sandwiches,
but a man has to eat, Todd.

Curtis, you're losing
your train of thought.

Stop interrupting!

You're like an
evil locomotive

chugging down the tracks
of my life, Todd.

Now you've gone and made me
forget what I was gonna say.

Being the Pure Evil One
has turned you into...

I know, I know.
An asshole.

No, a real asshole.

That's right,
I went there.

Todd?

I think you're
peachy keen.

Wow. A compliment from
an even bigger asshole.

Thanks, but no thanks.

To be good...
or not to be good?

That is the question.

To be bad or to
be not bad?

That's another question.

Actually, they're both the same
question, but nevertheless,

they're still valid questions
which must be asked,

which is why I'm
asking them.

But what is the answer?

Ah, that cruel and callous
answer.

How you elude me!

I've been bad my
whole life,

even when I was
pretending to be good.

'Tis not a natural
fit for thee,

but to be truly, purely,
non-pretendingly good,

where does it
get me?

On my knees, scrubbing
stinky toilets!

Ah! There's the rub.

Well, screw you, rub!
I'm going...

No, I cannot.

I must not return to
my old wicked ways.

Sure, it was fun
for a while.

But all fun must end,
and end it did for thee.

Alone, unloved, demoted.

No friends, no gang,
no rhyme or reason.

But to embrace goodness
is to embrace love,

and I do love those kids.

How I love them so!

But now, their tight little
nucleus has been ripped asunder

by the gods of
chaos, dissension

and uncontrollable
teenage hormones!

Ah!

Another rub,

but this rub is
a kind rub.

Forsooth, I know
thy mission!

To rub them back
together as one,

so they may yet again become
a formidable gang of kids!

It's so fucking worth
it to be good!

Man, this totally sucks.

I lost my babe, my buddy,
and my boner.

What I wouldn't do
for a joint.

Hey, Todd.

Care to join me?

I shouldn't be around
you, Hannah.

You're a bad influence.

Thank you, you're
so sweet!

So, you wanna
get wasted?

When did you start
smoking dope?

There's a lot of things
you don't know about me.

Come on, don't be a pussy.
You know you want it.

It'll ease your
troubled mind.

My troubled mind could
definitely use some easing.

Ahhh...

Dozens of Hannah
clones were created,

each more evil than
the last.

But none proved successful.

Test Subject B was released
into the community

to see if she would become
the true Pure Evil One.

Holy titty-nipples!

I'm dating the
Pure Evil One?

Time is quickly
running out.

My husband is onto me.

I must come up with
a new plan.

Jimmy, we have
a problem.

There is dissension
among the gang.

Let's see what the old
dictionary has to say here.

"Dissen..."

Di-sen... D-I... E-N, wait.

D-I-S-S-E-N-S-I...
Oh, fuck it!

Fuck the dictionary!

Fuck the... fuck
the dictionary!

Hey, that's school property
you're destroying.

I have devised a plan to get
them back together,

and it involves kidnapping.

In exactly 18 minutes, you will
corner Jenny at this location,

then place a sack
over her head.

Oh, yeah! I've put my sack on
a girl's face plenty of times.

Simultaneously, I will corner
Curtis at this location.

Then, place a sack over
his head.

Then, we'll bring them back
to this office

and brainwash them into getting
the gang back together.

It's a fool-proof plan.

Probably one of my
all-time greats.

We could do that, but
we could also do this.

Will Jenny Kolinsky
and Curtis Weaver

please report to the guidance
counsellor's office?

So, I spent three hours working
on this diagram for nothing.

You just fucked
my diagram!

Oh, what kind of
weed is this?

It's super strong.

I got it from
some friends.

I had so much
promise, Hannah.

I was gonna be
a heavy metal god.

A real one,

not some demonically possessed
one that killed people,

until that book came along
and destroyed my life.

You know what
you need to do?

You need to get your hands
on the book again.

And once you have it,
you can send it away.

But not to Timbuktu.

Gee, Hannah, that sounds
like a bad idea,

and I'm kind of an
expert on bad ideas.

And besides, I'd have to
go find the book.

The book that
destroyed my life.

All you need to do is feel it
deep inside your pants.

I can't feel anything down
there, that's the problem!

Shh, relax.

Feel it,

deep inside your pants.

Loser.

Did you just call
me a loser?

Concentrate, Todd!

Feel it deep inside
your pants, Todd.

Deep.

Deep...

♪ An ancient prophecy

♪ Foretold a chosen one

♪ The one of pure evil

♪ Will bring the
world to us ♪

Whoa, it worked!

So, what do we
do now?

This! Yoink!

Hey, what's going on?

What are you assholes
doing here?

What's so funny?

Ha-ha, you've been duped,
little dude.

Say hello to the new
Pure Evil One.

Loser!

Hannah?

Hey, kids, have
a seat.

Ha!

Ah, I've gone blind!
Blind, I tells ya!

Uh, don't think we need
the sacks, dude.

They're already here.

But I stitched them
together by hand.

I even personalized them.

Oh, thank God,
it was only a dream.

What the hell's
going on here?

Can I keep
this sack?

Kids, I know I'm
not perfect.

I admit I have
a few flaws,

and I've made a few
teensy mistakes,

but you must believe
me when I say this.

Todd is in danger!

Todd's always in danger.

True, but this time,
it's grave danger!

Have you ever
been betrayed

by someone you cared
about, Atticus?

Well, my father did force me
to have sex with a wolf.

Then, you should know
it hurts, a lot.

Hmm.

Oh, look, Jenny, when a dude
thinks with his dick,

he's not thinking
with his brain.

He's thinking with
his lower head.

His dick head.

That's proven science.

I can't listen to any
more of this bullshit.

Are you coming, Curtis?

Uh...

Curtis?

Alright, stop twisting my
arm! I'll tell you!

Hannah's a clone.

Her science-y parents made
a whole pile of Hannahs

and, well, they're
kind of evil.

You're right!

She has to be
a clone.

The real Hannah could
never give Todd a boner!

Yeah, and come
to think of it,

there were all those weird
pods in that secret lab

under the
retirement home.

I bet the clones
are in there.

You're telling us
this now?

I've had a lot on
my mind.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
I'm confused.

Did you say you
fucked a wolf?

To the retirement home!

Hannah?

Hannah!

Let me out
of here!

Looks like your
time has come.

Loser.

We've been looking for
the real Pure Evil One

for many, many years.

Why me?

Why am I the
Pure Evil One?

Do you even
have to ask?

Haven't you always felt

like you're different
than everyone else?

That no one
understands you?

That you're a... loser?

Doesn't everyone feel like
that sometimes?

Not like you.

Well, there have been
others here and there

over the past few
thousand years.

But they all turned
out to be losers.

Ha, I got
to admit,

I really thought you could
do it, little dude,

but you failed miserably!

Just like everyone
else, until now.

Hannah E. Williams,
at your service.

"Hannah E"?

The E is for evil,
heh-heh!

She's the only one with the
balls to destroy the world.

Actually, I don't
have balls.

I don't even have
a vagina.

Whoa.

Get away from
him, you bitch!

Your evil master plan
has come to an end,

you hot piece
of science-y ass.

We know you're not the real
Hannah but an imposter Hannah.

Oh, my God!

Where's your vagina?

Ugh, you are so simple-minded.

Hannah B. Williams was just
as much of an imposter,

if not more!

Look around you.

Each one of these pods
contains a Hannah clone,

each one a failure to
clone the Pure Evil One

from the DNA of the Book
of Pure Evil itself!

Losers one and all,
except for...

Me! The final clone,
Hannah E. Williams.

I am the purest
of pure evil!

Did Hannah B. Williams
have a vagina?

Not that it matters, really.
I'm just curious.

Looks like there's a lot more
than five more clones down here.

There's an F,
and it keeps going.

Wouldn't it make sense
if these ones

were the newer and
better clones?

Uh...

Shut up, bitch-face!

Keep them busy until I can suck
out Todd's Pure Evil power

and transfer it to myself.

Wait, what?

What does this
thing do?

Joke's on you,
little dude.

She's not the new
Pure Evil One.

Not yet, loser.

You see, my evil
scientist parents

worked with the
Satanic Society

to create a Pure Evil One
from the book itself,

so they didn't
have to wait

for the real Pure Evil
One to show up.

But all they succeeded in
doing was creating a vessel

that could contain the
power of pure evil!

I'm not following.

Shh! If we don't listen
to this exposition,

we'll never know what's
going on here.

So, I built this machine to suck
out the power of pure evil

from inside you, and
stick it into me!

Thus transforming me
into the Pure Evil One.

That was our secret
plan all along.

So, does this mean I won't
be pure evil anymore?

Yes!

It is I who will
be pure evil!

Awesome! Then, I'll
destroy the world.

Not awesome.

Seriously, does anyone get
what she's talking about?

I think we just have to stop her
from doing whatever she's doing.

We can totally
do that!

We're the gang!
Let's save Todd!

Whoa!

It's you.

You bet your sweet ass.

And how sweet it was.

Run!

Ahhh!

Ha!

Huh?

You remember our little date
25 year ago, Atticus?

Not an ideal date.

You were supposed to fight me,
Atticus, not submit to me.

No wonder your father lost
respect for you.

Really?

That explains so much.

Atticus, just don't be
yourself for once,

and stand up
to that wolf!

I can't do it!

Cowardice... too strong!

You can do
it, Atticus.

No one should let a big
dog push them around.

I need more... convincing.

Anyone else got words
of encouragement?

That wolf is totally
gonna rape him again.

You can so totally beat up
that huge supernatural wolf.

If Jimmy thinks I can
do it, then I shall!

I won't submit
this time!

Shit-rooster!

Argh!

Ugh, what the fuck
is with that mop?

I did it.

I faced down the wolf!

I've never felt so
free!

Not free!

Ahhhh!

Whoa, whoa, wait.

Nikki, I know you're deep down
inside those dudes somewhere.

Not a chance!

She ain't coming back.

Not for you, loser.

Look, I still love
you, Nikki.

Come back and let's run
away together,

far from the Book
of Pure Evil.

Just stop hurting
my friends.

No!

Not this time, bitch!

Got to fight the
pull, dudes.

Fight through love!

Jimmy.

Nikki!

Did you mean what
you said?

Does a turkey bird
have a feathered cock?

Come here, baby.

Mmm!

You don't care that I'm
also three dudes?

Yeah, and a fucking
awesome wolf.

I just won the lottery.

Mmm!

Yummy.

A little to the
left, yes! Yes!

Eat shit and die from
eating shit, Hannah E!

That was a lot easier than
I thought it would be.

Let's wrap this
up, kids.

Is it too late?

Am I still pure evil?

We saved you just
in time.

Evil Hannah is dead.

Not so fast!

Feast your eyes on
Hannah F. Williams!

Oh, that's pretty hot.

Do I want to know what
the F stands for?

Freak?

Fair maiden?

Flabbergasted? Oh,
wait, that's just me.

The F stands for
"I'm gonna fuck you up!"

That starts with an I,
doesn't it?

Stand back, kids.

This is a job
for a janitor.

Which is
what I am!

Time to clean
up this mess.

Ha!

Arrrgh!

No offense, dude,

but you're a
shitty janitor.

Hi-ya!

Ah! Get 'em, Nikki!

Todd, you have to get
out of here.

We can't risk this
new Hannah

stealing what's left of
your pure evil power.

No... must fight.

You're too weak
to fight!

Can't leave... my friends.

You have to run away
to save the world, Todd!

That's your real destiny.

Flee, Todd! Flee!

Argh, I'm punching!

I'm punching!
Now I'm kicking!

Now I'm... whoa!

Ouch.

It's too late.

Enough of Todd's pure evil power
has been sucked into the book.

Now all I have to do is get
into the machine

and have the power
transferred into me!

I'm gonna fuck
you up!

Pure evil or not,
I've got to help my friends.

Somehow.

I know that voice!

Argh!

I'm sorry, Hannah.

What?

Well, we all knew
that was coming.

Oh, that's
pretty hot.

Da-da?

Brax! Holy shit, dude.
You've grown!

Whoa!

Ugh, big boy, ease up!

Da-da! Da-da!

I missed you
too, buddy.

Ahh!

Ha!

Stupid book!

Ugh!

I told you I don't
have a vagina!

But you got eyes,
motherfucker!

Ugh, so much blood.

Get ready for Hannah I!

The I stands for
"I'm gonna fuck you up!"

Get some new material.

I just flew into town, and boy,
are my arms... deadly!

Whoa!

Curtis, use your arm!

Ow! Ooh! Eeh!

It shorted out!

Don't worry, it's
Atticus time.

Eat mug in sock, bitch.

Oh!

Yum!

Brax attack!

Ugh!

And we're fucked.

I guess this is it, baby.

At least we got a chance
to be in love again,

one last time.

If this is gonna be the end of
the world, at least I can say...

I love you,
Jennifer Kolinsky.

And I love you,
Toddrick Smith.

Now my dead girlfriend's
clone is gonna eat us.

Todd, stop poking me.

What?

Todd, your boner is back!

My boner is back!

His boner is back!

I'm not gonna die before I get
a chance to use this boner!

Brax, toss me.

Ugh!

Whoaaa!

Whoa!

Destroy the pods!

Yah!

I'll take care of this
one, Brax.

Whoa!

Whoa! Ahhh!

Todd?

I'm fine.

Todd!

I'm not just fine.

I'm fucking awesome.

Awesome! Yeah!

Hey, guys?

Rowr!

Wait!

This one's different.

No, I'm not, Curtis.

I remember everything.

I remember cheating on you
with Todd.

I remember trying to kill
the whole gang.

I remember wanting to
destroy the world.

You should just put me
out of my misery.

You need to hear this.

This is the final recording
of Dr. Williams.

Just Dr. Cynthia Williams.

I'm leaving Dr.
Bob Williams.

I realized he's an
evil man,

and this has all been
a huge mistake.

And he just can't pleasure
me anymore.

I can't change
what I've done,

but I can try to
fix it.

I've made one
last clone,

but this time, without the
DNA of pure evil.

She'll be my real
daughter, Hannah.

I'm going to destroy all
the evil clones.

We're going to run away
and be a real family,

just her and me.
Tonight, we'll...

Cynthia! What
are you doing?

Bob! No,
you can't stop me.

Is it because I just can't
pleasure you anymore?

Minions, get her!

And turn off that cassette
recorder.

Yes,
your evil-ness.

But which button
do I press?

Just do it!

Let go!

How do I turn
it off? Do I...

Don't
touch that!

What if I push two
of them together?

These two buttons?

No, that's the
volume, dumbass!

Haven't you ever seen
a cassette recorder before?

What are
you saying?

Which button do I press,
this button?

No!

Or this button, or this
button, or this button

Stop it! Which button
is it, Cynthia!

No! I'll
never tell!

I'm just
gonna smash it, then.

So, I'm not evil?

Not a bit, Hannah.

So, I can be back
in the gang?

Eh, why not?

We let that
asshole back in.

Really? I'm a
gang member?

I think you've
proven yourself.

Wait. What about her?

Yeah, what's
stopping you

from splitting into
the metal dudes again?

Don't worry.

The power of true love
will keep me in this form.

So, no wolf?

Damn it.

I was gonna ride that dude
around and feed him beer.

But someone, or something, will
inevitably take their place.

When that day comes,
we'll be ready.

It's good to have you back,
Hannah.

But I can't help but wonder
how you're the only good Hannah.

Hannah B. Williams seemed
pretty goody-two-shoes.

Oh, Hannah B. did cheat
on tests.

And she liked to torture
small animals

when people weren't looking.

Do you have a vagina?

Big time!

Well, not big-big.

I totally have one,
not that I'd have half of one.

Maybe it is big.

I've never compared it
to others.

♪ Life is good

♪ My dick is back

♪ I'm so fucking awesome

♪ In the sack

♪ I guess I can't
complain ♪

♪ Life's okay

♪ Let's leave it at
that ♪

♪ Todd is so-so in
the sack ♪

♪ Eh, I guess I
can't complain ♪

♪ Except for the fact
that the book is back ♪

♪ Again and again
and again ♪

♪ Yes life is good

♪ My girl is back

♪ And I'm happy
to say ♪

♪ She's not an
evil skank ♪

♪ I guess I can't
complain ♪

♪ Yes life is good

♪ I know who I am

♪ I've got myself
a sweet loving man ♪

Hey, I'm a man!

♪ I guess I can't
complain ♪

♪ Except for the fact

♪ That the book
is back ♪

♪ Again and again
and again ♪

But what about me?
Atticus P. Murphy.

I'm ready to
pound some ass.

Dude, we've been
over this.

Oh, right.

♪ To kick some
motherfucking ass ♪

♪ Except for the fact
that the book is back ♪

♪ Again and again
and again ♪

♪ But we will never
surrender ♪

♪ We are the great
defenders ♪

♪ Kicking evil
in the nuts ♪

♪ With very mixed results

♪ This is our destiny

♪ This is our destiny

♪ This is our destiny

Arrrrgh!

Ahhh!

And destiny doesn't suck.

I just wanted to see boobs!

Hooooly,
you finish it!