Original subtitles

- Engine 24, Rescue 42, 35112 Mott Street.

Man hit by truck in his garage.

- Engine 24 responding.

- Hurry, he's bleeding badly.

- Uh, dispatch said he was hit by a truck.

- He was.

all: Oh.

- That's--we thought you meant a truck, truck.

- I said toy truck on the phone.

- With dispatch, you gotta speak real slow.

- And who threw the toy truck? - Diego threw the truck.

- Is Diego your son? - No, that's Diego.

- Oh! - Oh, my gosh!

- Hi, Diego. - Hi.

- So cute. Congratulations.

Hey, what kind of monkey is Diego anyway?

- A capuchin. - No, thanks, I'm fine.

Had a couple of cups earlier. What kind of monkey is Diego?

- A capuchin.

- Oh, boy. No, thank you. I'm fine.

- And why did Diego throw the toy truck?

- He's been cranky lately.

You never know what's gonna set him off.

Sometimes it's a guy with a dumb face

and beady eyes.

- Lucky there's none of them around here.

- What?

- Hello. Whee, whoo, boo.

- Oh, it's not locked.

Oops, oh, he's actually coming out.

Hey, buddy, you're okay. He looks mad.

Oh, ow!

Oh, hey! Oh!

Ha-ha!

Oh!

- Dispatch, I got a firefighter down.

Hit by a car... - Ow!

- And a truck... - Ah!

- And a plane... - Ow!

- And, ooh, the shoe missed. - Ow!

- This quiche I made is the bomb.

- Ooh. - Oh, yeah?

- Looks like it has gobs of cheese in it, guys.

- It does. You gotta try it.

It's noice. - Mmm, this is noice.

- Here, let me get into that.

Ooh, no-ho-ho-hoice! - Mm-hmm.

- I could eat gobs of this. - Mm-hmm.

- Heyo! - Hey.

- I just got all my shifts covered for the next two weeks,

so now I can go to Fuego Fest.

- Noice. Who you going with?

- My new boyfriend, Miles. - Miles Longpeter?

- That's his name. Don't wear it out.

- Wait, who's playing at Fuego Fest this year?

- Tarzan Milkshake, Cornshaver,

Bingbingbingbing Dingdingding,

Dense Baby, L'il Ridonkadonk. - Whoa, that is gobs o' bands.

- Why do you keep saying "gobs"?

- I'm working on my brain, Granny.

I got this new word of the day app

from "Brainy AF" magazine.

Basically, they give you a word each day

that you're supposed to use.

Today's word is "gobs," G-O-B-S.

And it means "a lot," so I'm trying to use it

gobs of times.

- Well, I look forward to hearing more of your new words.

- Thanks, I get one every day, so...

- Oh, speaking of ridonkadonk,

Lucy, you gotta try the quiche I made.

It's noice. - It is noice.

- Okay.

Oh, shit. That is ridonkadonk.

- Right? Come on, Andy.

You gotta try it out. It's noice.

- Noice.

- Man, what is wrong with you? Cap worked hard on that quiche.

- Well, you were snoring like a motorcycle last night,

so I didn't get an ounce of sleep.

- Earplugs, kid.

I use 'em so I don't wake myself up.

- I had earplugs. They just don't work.

- I go earplugs and head under the pillow.

- Well, a few stations have a snore room

for the loud snorers, and I think we should

invest in one 'cause I can't take this much longer, Cap.

- He can, like, barely talk, he's so tired.

- What are you talking about? I'm talking at my normal--

- Holy crap, I'm starving.

I've been on the phone all morning.

Hey, quiche. - Yeah, get in there.

- Look at this. - Uh-huh.

Yeah, it's noice, isn't it?

- That is noice. - Noice.

- So listen, I just got off the phone

with the city health department.

Turns out the guy with the monkey

was an exotic pets dealer.

He smuggled the monkey into the country,

and they think it has simian flu.

- Oh, noice.

Oh, wait, is that bad? - Well, it can be.

The guy got sick in the ER, so they had to quarantine him.

Now they want me to consider a 14-day quarantine for us.

- At home or in the station?

- They'd prefer we contain it in the station,

but it depends on who had

direct contact with the monkey.

So did any of you touch the monkey?

- Uh...

- Ah, damn it, of course you did.

You guys can't stay away from furry things.

That's why I hate animals. Animals carry disease.

- Cats don't.

- Cat scratch fever, and they give pink eye.

- Pink eye, what are you talking about?

Whose side are you on? - What are the sides?

- More importantly, what kind of exposure

did you guys have? Any sneezing or coughing?

Close talking, spittle?

- Does everybody eating off the same fork count?

- Shit. - Okay, you know what?

I think you're overreacting, Chief.

Quarantine's expensive.

Tons of overtime, plus we have to divert manpower

to other stations. Not worth it.

- Well, hold on, guys. This could be kind of cool.

Like a slumber party or something, you know?

- You literally sleep here

every time you walk into the station.

- This is a different circumstance.

We'll be together, like, doing all the stuff

that we want to do.

We can make forts with the pillows.

- It would be a two-week paid station vacation.

- No, we are not doing this.

I have a hairdressing appointment at the salon

that I had to make three months in advance.

I'm the captain of this crew.

You and I need to confer privately.

- No need.

Based on the information,

I'm putting us in quarantine.

- Oh, come on.

Ugh, damn it!

- This is great 'cause I'm able to work on this novel

that I've been talking about for so long now.

- Bro, nobody reads books anymore.

Welcome to the 20th century. - Okay.

- I'm gonna do 300 squats every day of quarantine

so I come out of here with an ass

like Captain America, baby.

- Yeah. - Ooh.

- And I guess I'm gonna learn how to bake bread.

- As long as it doesn't make you grumpy.

People are no fun when they are grumpy.

- Is that a new word, Ike? - Yeah, "grumpy."

- Huh. - G-R-U-M-P-Y.

It means not fun to be around,

just, like, always in a bad mood.

Like, "I'm grumpy." - Yeah, I know what it means.

Can I see the app real quick? - Yeah, check it out.

- All right. - It's on "grumpy" right now.

- Oh, yeah, the word of the day app.

Huh, it's at elementary school level.

- What?

Wow, kids are smart nowadays, huh?

- Hmm, you know what?

I'm actually gonna upgrade you to middle school

so you can get oodles smarter, okay?

- Oh, oodles. - Yeah.

- Not a word, but okay. - Hey, guys.

There isn't a lot about simian flu in humans,

but Checkipedia says symptoms

include fever, cough, and sneezing.

It's airborne, so coughing and sneezing

are the main way it spreads. - Huh.

- Hey, I heard that people get the tension of quarantine out

by doing primal screams. Should we try one?

- Yeah, sure, why not? - Oh, yeah.

- Okay, three, two, one.

- What the hell's going on in here?

- Just some primal scream therapy.

- Well, warn me next time, would you?

Oh! - Whoa.

- Hey, look at this stuff people are dropping off.

Look, we got video games, DVDs, three trays of lasagna.

- Give me some lasagna! - She loves lasagna.

- Oh, look at this!

This is the new Reba McEntire CD.

She does a duet on here with Leigh Weigh,

gives me goose bumps. - You always have goose bumps.

You're like a supermarket turkey.

- You know what?

You have to get over being mad at me.

- Maybe I will when the McConky quarantine's over.

- Ah, whatever.

Hey, who wants to play tetherball?

- I do, and I'm gonna kick your ass.

- All right, okay, all right, you made your point.

- Have some of that, Warden.

- Whoa, Cap, doesn't sound

like you're being too cordial over there.

- Come on, just serve. Let's go.

- Hey, you know what would be fun?

Maybe we can do a sideburn growing competition

where the person who grows the weakest sideburns

over the quarantine has to buy everybody drinks

once this is done? - In.

- Cordially in. - I guess I better be in.

- I'm in too. - You sure about that, Chiefy?

You've only got, like, 12 hair holes

in your entire face.

Okay, come on, let's go.

- Whoa, sick vest, babe.

Hopefully I can get out of here pretty soon

and I can make it to Fuego Fest.

- I gave your pass to my pal Slocko.

- Maybe I can still go. - Yeah, but probably not.

Hey, mushrooms are kicking in right now.

I need to roll. Later, girl!

Slocko, did you shit your pants already?

- Bye.

Man, Miles just gave away my pass to Fuego Fest.

- Who's Miles?

- My boyfriend, Miles Longpeter.

- Miles Longpeter?

There's something about that name

that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

- Doesn't sound like he's being too cordial either.

- Hey, is Reba McEntire playing that Fuego Festival?

- I don't think she could make it this year.

- I saw her at Rebapalooza in 2003.

She was awesome. - Oh, she played Rebapalooza?

- Yeah, yeah, she was the headliner.

- Oh, check this out.

Males over 40 are the least likely

to catch simian flu from a monkey or another human.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, young people

are more susceptible to this than older people?

I'm out of here.

- Hey, hey, no, no, no, okay. You're not going anywhere.

- Oh, you want another shot at the title?

- Yeah, I want a piece. Come on, let's go.

- All right, this one is for my hairdo.

Good book.

- Hey, Captain. - What's up?

- You respect the chain of command

in the station, right? - Yeah.

That's why I'm allowing myself to be imprisoned

even though you imposed this on us without consulting me.

- Well, your chief needs a bed.

- You see the sign on the door? Captain's Quarters.

You have a sign like that. It says "Chief's Office."

Go sleep there.

You can have all the wild sex dreams

about Reba McEntire that your heart desires.

- Do not sully the name of Reba McEntire.

That woman is a national treasure.

Now, move over. There's plenty of room.

You got a nice bed here. Come on.

Oh. - Whoa!

Are you kidding?

- Hey, what are you doing? Get off my side.

- Does that happen every time? - Get over to your side.

What are you doing?

- How does my sister do it? - Just move over.

- I am moved over.

- You got the whole side of the bed over there.

- It's hard because gravity's pulling me.

- How's that? - It's great.

FYI, Terry, I still like to sleep in the nude.

Here.

Can you put those over there? - Ugh.

- Okay.

- FYI, I like to eat a sandwich before I go to bed.

And this is my favorite-- pastrami, pickles, cheese,

mustard, onions.

This is the combo that makes me the most gaseous,

and while I'm sleeping, I'll sweat it out.

Mmm, want a bite? - No, thanks.

- Are you gonna turn the light out?

- Are you gonna eat in the dark?

- Yeah, I know where my mouth is.

- It wouldn't be so bad

if he didn't sleep with his eyes open.

- I can't take 14 nights of this.

- Okay, Terry, you want a war?

I'll give you a war you won't believe.

- Morning.

Did you get any sleep last night?

- Not a wink. What is it, day eight or nine?

- Pretty sure it's only day eight.

- We gotta get that snore room ready for Granny,

or I'm gonna die.

- I'll help.

- Yeah! - Whoo!

Snorage room.

- Dude, look at this photo of Station 24

from, like, 100 years ago.

I'm pretty sure that is my

great-great-great-grandfather Luigi Penisi.

- Oh, Luigi. - This is cool.

I'm gonna go hang this up in the briefing room.

- Okay.

Snorage.

- Oh, thank you, ladies.

I am attempting a new character here,

so give me a "whoop, whoop" if you like it.

- Whoop, whoop! Whoop, whoop!

- I am going to attempt to dance for you

every single day, so hit me up on Cashmo.

- "Attempt," that's one of your new words?

- Uh-huh, I'm attempting to use it gobs of times.

- Congratulations, man. - Hey, check it out, boys.

I'm getting better.

Should start calling me Breddie Penisi.

Thank you.

I'll be here all week and next week too.

- Smells awesome, Cap. I'm attempted to take a bite.

- Dude, that's not how you-- - No, no, no, I know.

I'm not gonna actually take a bite.

It's for later. I get it.

- Snore room is good to go. - Oh, that's great.

I hope you have fun sleeping in there.

- No, it's not for me.

- It's not? - Hi, boo.

- Hey, bae!

- Hey, what's good, Chiefy?

- More gifts from the outside world.

- Oh. - It's new stuff?

- Yeah. - Wow.

Your left sideburn is weak.

- What?

- The right side of my face is where all my T is.

- What does that mean? - You know what it means.

I still have my right nut, so all my testosterone

is on my right side, hence the good right sideburn

and the weak left one.

- Chief, use this time to brush up

on your biology, man.

- Hey, um, if you wanted to have some phone sex,

I could sneak away.

- Oh, Tentwiper's taking the stage right now!

I gotta roll. Later, girl.

- Lucy again? - Yeah, dude, I know.

She's so fucking annoying. - Okay.

- More Molly? Sure!

- Ugh. - Another PlayStation 5?

- Whoa! - Body powder.

- Yeah, it's good for the crotch.

- Oh, tons of lasagna. - Huh?

- Yeah, I could go for some lasagna.

- Yeah. - What's this bad boy?

- She's so sad. - Ooh, "lukid" dream mask.

- Are you--lucid dream mask. - Lucid dream mask.

That's what I said. Shut up, Andy.

- I've heard of those things.

They do, like, sensory stimulation

so you can manipulate your dreams.

Like, you can download all kinds

of different scenarios and even celebrities.

- Oh, like boat ride with Sir Patrick Stewart.

- Sure, if that's your thing.

- Ooh, I could rake leaves with Keanu Reeves.

- Heyo, here's new simian flu info.

They've discovered the group that's the lowest at risk,

Italian men under 5'9". - Say what, now?

- It says, "The density of their T levels

"packed into their smaller bodies

provides the best immunity." - That makes total sense.

- Oh, yeah. - I'm going home.

Take it eas'. - No, no, no, no, no.

You're not going anywhere. - Do not tell me what to do.

You made this call without consulting me,

and now you're sleeping in my bed.

Meanwhile, as an Italian man just slightly over 40

and just a hair under 5'9", I'm the least at risk.

It's day three here, and no one is even sick.

Ugh, sorry. - Whoa.

- What? What?

It's allergy season! Stop!

- We gotta put you in double quarantine.

- You're being grumpy! Grumpy!

Ah, guys! - Sorry, dude.

- G-R-U-M--

- Well, looks like I'll be sleeping

in the bunk room.

- Ugh.

- Just had to get my sammy.

You're getting used to it now, right?

- Oh.

- Oh. - Come on.

Never get used to that. - Oh.

Thanks for warming it up for me.

- Oh, that's all right. You just take your time.

I'm gonna try out this lucid dreamer mask.

I'm gonna control my dreams tonight.

- Dreamer mask? - Oh, yeah.

You remember this thing? Look.

Sports, nature, history, and, of course, sex.

Oh, by the way, I downloaded Reba McEntire.

- What?

Oh, yeah.

- Come on. Really?

- No, it's good. You get used to it, right?

- Oh, you're right, Reba. I am "shexshually generoush."

Do me a favor and just say "citrus."

"Shitrush."

Your "accshent ish sho shilly."

You wanna shit on my face? - Oh, come on.

- Oh, sit on my face. - Shut up. God.

- Oh, I didn't understand you 'cause of your "accshent."

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Hey, Andy, getting some good work done in here?

There's some nice weather rolling in out there.

- What do you want me to do about it?

- Okay, well, tell you what.

Maybe I'll go grab some sandwiches.

I'll come back later, and you could let me read

some of what you're writing.

- We're gonna make a new rule.

When I'm in here

and you hear me typing

or whatever the fuck you hear me doing,

that means I'm working.

That means don't come in!

You think you can handle that, Terry?

- What did you just say to me?

- Sorry, Chief.

Oh, I'm just--I'm just so sleep-deprived,

I don't know what's happening! I'm so sorry!

- Toilet duty! - I'm sorry!

I'm losing it, man.

- Wonder what kind of food they have

in the B and C shift fridge.

- Don't even think about it, Luce.

Never touch another shift's fridge.

- Whatever.

Bet you there's some good shit in here.

- Lucy. - What?

- Back up. Back up.

Back, back, back, back, back, back, back.

We gotta get rid of Granny.

His snoring is killing me.

- What'd you have in mind?

- I think we put him in double quarantine.

- How? - We gotta get him to sneeze.

And then I'll take care of the rest.

- What does take care of the rest mean?

- I'm just at the beginning of this process, okay?

- What's the matter?

- I just got off the phone with the health department.

Diego the monkey's dead, and they don't know why.

They're extending our quarantine...indefinitely.

- Damn it!

- My whole crew is going nuts,

and my hair situation is bullshit.

Eddie?

- Everybody wake up! - What--what is it?

- Eddie's gone. He broke quarantine.

- Get it! Get it!

Get it! Go on, girl!

Yeah, hit that thing!

- Yes!

- Psst! Hey, Myawani!

Hey, over here! At the picture!

Myawani, hey!

Pepper!

- What? - Pepper.

- You're speaking too softly.

- Pepper!

Hey, shut up-a you face-a!

I'm-a trying to take a photo. - Sorry, Cap.

- I'm-a gonna be a big-a Hollywood-a star-a someday.

- Pepper.

- Lucy, Lucy! Break it!

- Damn lock!

Damn Fuego Fest!

Damn Slocko!

Here's Myawani!

- Oh!

Whoo, give it to me!

- Lasagna? - What the fuck?

Open the other one! - Yes, yes, yes!

- Yes, yes, yes, yes!

- Great hit!

- Brie! - Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, snap.

- Breddie Penisi. - Yes!

- Oh, God.

- Pepper.

- Mmm.

- Granny's got the fever.

- But it was just one sneeze!

- Hey, better safe than sorry, okay?

- Oh, salutations.

Are you desisting your pervicacity

and acquitting me? - Sorry, what?

- Am I emancipated,

or am I still immured sempiternally?

Yea or nay?

- Ike, what happened to you in here?

- Oh, I upgraded my word of the day

to graduate level, so... - Oh.

- Sorry, buddy, double quarantine.

- No way! - Hey.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on here?

- Oh, Granny's sick,

so I'm putting him in quarantine with Ike.

- Hi, hi, hi.

- Hey!

- Eddie, you better not have gotten your hair done.

- Look at my sideburns.

Does it look like I got my hair done?

No, I went and got CPAP masks for my snorers.

- Oh.

- Noise-canceling headphones for Lucy and Andy.

- Noice. - Hey, thanks.

- Toilet paper for everybody except me

because I've got a bidet.

Some Progaine for your prepubescent-ass left sideburn.

And a little medium ash brown for the kid.

- Eddie, that was irresponsible.

- I did it for my crew,

and I wore my SCBA the whole time.

- Oh.

- Cap, what was it like out there?

Lucy, it was more wonderful

than you could possibly imagine.

I felt the warm sun on my face.

It smelled like black cottonwoods were in bloom.

- Hey, that was the city health department.

The test results came back negative.

Simian flu was a false alarm.

Quarantine is over!

- We're back. - Oh.

- By the way, while I was out there in the real world,

I went home, and I fed my cat.

Andy, she's got pink eye.

- Told you. - Wait a minute.

That's extremely contagious, you guys.

We should probably quarantine.

- I'm serious. We should quarantine again.

- Good night, everyone!

- Nighty-night!

- Good night. - Good night.

- God.

- No, no, no, don't itch it. Don't itch it. Don't itch it.

- Right, right, sorry, sorry.

- Night. - Good night.

Oh!

What the hell? I set it to Reba.

- Hey, Terry, I uploaded my photo to the mask.

Enjoy.

- Eddie! - Oh.

- Ugh.