Original subtitles

My name is Sami Malik.

I like to think I'm a fairly simple fellow.

All I've really wanted in life are two things.

To achieve absolute greatness.

And two win over the world's greatest girl.

It's not too much to ask for.

As for the greatness bit, well, that's because of my father.

That's him, in the Banyan tree.

The world's most glorious tiger hunter.

This is how I always see him in my dreams.

Papa?

Have you seen the tiger yet?

Now, maybe I didn't see everything.

But Papa, I want to see the tiger!

Later, son, later. Okay?

But there has never been any question in my mind...

that my father...

my father was a great man.

The greatest man in the village.

And everyone loved him.

If you step over there, you might be more dry, Ruby?

Your father is amazing

Everyone loved him.

I loved him.

And that's how I remember my father.

His polished rifle on his shoulder,

hero to everyone.

All I have left now, is this legacy really.

He died when I was eight.

Not long before he passed,

my father took out his polished rifle,

his hunting jacket,

and nearly everything else that made him who he was,

and sold them.

All so I could go to the best British school in India.

How can I ever live up to a man like that?

Listen to me, Sami.

To be a great tiger hunter,

you must become the tiger.

You must know how he feels, how he thinks.

Only then can you anticipate his every move.

But Papa, if I become the tiger, won't I be hunted myself?

Every man hunts himself, son.

For starters,

I received my Masters in engineering.

Okay, I'll solder this to this

and have it ready for you by five.

But I can't afford to pay for this.

No charge.

Unless you have any of those superior homemade samosas?

I see your father in you, Sami.

Thank you, Sami.

Mr. Hashmi, I can't possibly do this for free again,

- I'll get fired. - Oh, no, not free, not free.

Papa, will we still get to hear the cricket match?

But Papa, I have only one week to live.

Oh, come on!

Papa said, "You are just like your father."

Come, come.

The villagers who loved him

have always been good to me,

but it will take more than goodness

to live up to my father.

America.

It's 1979,

and tiger hunting has been taken over

by shameless poachers.

Nowadays, America is where you find greatness.

The great American cowboys,

the big American lifestyle,

the latest high-tech innovations,

the famous American road to success.

I've written to America

to offer my engineering services.

All I need now, is for America to write me back.

Well, there is one more thing.

Ruby.

* Clouds dissolve...

I'm so sorry Sami,

my scooter's somehow broken down again.

Can you give me a ride home?

I've only wanted to marry her my whole life.

No big deal.

* Everything's So clear to me... *

I can see Gemini, Taurus...

And Aquarius.

* ...My heart has Taught me how to sing *

* A little bird Has taken flight *

Hey Sami? My cycle is also broken.

* I'm looking Into the face of love *

* Love's looking back...

The trouble is Ruby's father.

Climb that wall, soldier! Hup to it!

Double time! Hup, hup, hup, hup!

General Iqbal.

He will only allow Ruby to marry a successful man.

But four days ago opportunity arrived.

Graydian Technologies of Chicago was hiring new engineers.

And they wanted me!

The entire village helped pay for my ticket.

Your necklace. But you had that since Vino Auntie passed away.

We sold our radio's.

We'd rather hear about your great adventures

in America,

than cricket matches which are actually fixed.

A neighboring village sent one of their boys

to America to become doctor,

now we will rub you into their faces.

Your yellow moped.

It was always breaking down.

But, you looked so good on it.

My father wants me to marry a man in America.

So you better take this and go.

And when you see Aquarius up in the night sky...

you'll know what to think of.

Why must you go, beta?

When everything you need is here?

Mommy, Papa sacrificed everything

so I can go out and make something of myself.

Engineers here don't become great,

they just look upset and angry all the time.

That's how all Indians look, beta.

Mommy.

- But then you must take this. - What's this?

Documents which you'll need later.

Take a look at them when you're more settled in.

- Come closer. - What are you doing?

Putting your father's ring into your jacket.

If you get into trouble,

promise me you will sell it.

I can't possibly do this.

Take it.

Don't get into trouble and start drinking.

Then you'll go in the hell fire and it'll all be my fault.

* America

* Way to liberty

* America

* Hard working people

* America

* Everybody's got a dream

Welcome to the United States of America.

You have 30 days to fill out this work visa

as a record of permanent employment

or America will kindly ask you to leave, son.

Thirty days? I only need one.

Next!

* Everybody come together

* Every woman child and man

* Everybody come together

* Enjoy the band

* Yeah Sha la la la la-la la *

* Sha la la la la-la la

* Sha la la la la-la la

I'm sorry, Mr. Milk... Mack.

- Malik. - Mullick.

We've had some restructuring since we sent this letter.

But I've travelled 8,000 miles to get here.

I'm carrying not only my suitcase,

but also some very great expectations--

I understand your disappointment.

Lucky for you we have a temporary draftsman job

down in the basement.

Draftsman? No, no, no, no. I'm a highly skilled engineer.

Also, I must have permanent employment

or America will kindly ask me to leave.

What can I say?

We've had to do some belt tightening around here.

Then you'll have to unbuckle your belt.

That would be inappropriate.

This is America?

The pavements must be littered with engineering jobs

I'll just have to go out there and pound it. The pavement.

* Would you like a kebab?

- * Yes I would like... - Excuse me?

- Hey! - Yes?

I-- I want... I-- your wallet.

I need your wallet!

- Give it to me! - Is this a mugging?

Yeah.

But, I've done everything right. It-- I'm wearing bright colors,

it's day time,

I'm walking with a purpose, I have a commanding presence.

I know I'm not travelling in a group,

but I haven't made any friends yet.

* I don't know What I'm gonna do *

* We played a game Of switch-a-roo *

* Walked a mile In Another man's boots *

* Should've worn More comfortable shoes *

What kind of country is this? They just throw money away.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-ah! Don't do it, bhai!

If you take even one coin, little children start screaming

and mommy say big pianos will fall on their head

because you are stealing their hopes and dreams.

I am Babu Rahman.

I came here from Pakistan one year ago.

Sami Malik.

Six hours ago, I'm Indian.

Ah! Better samosas, worse cricket.

It's crazy how same we are.

Where are you staying, bhai?

Uh, well, I'm in a bit of a transition right now.

I knew it! We are both in luck.

I am needing another room mate to pay rent

and you are home... free.

- Homeless? - Yes!

Okay. Let us go.

I have no money for rent.

Ah! Why talk about money?

When you get employment, you pay.

Why are you helping me?

Because when I came here no one helped me. Groovy, yeah?

Groovy, yeah.

Hey, bro? Before we go...

you wanna grab a doobie?

- Sorry? - Just a precaution.

Our apartment is strictly drug free.

Hugs not drugs, right?

Hey Pete.

This is Pete.

Land of the free, home of the brave,

and doors waiting, Babu's tikka masala.

Ready?

Come Sami, meet your new comrades. Brothers this is Sami.

This is Siddesh, an electrical engineer by trade

but right now, first class taxi driver.

I'm also watching cartoons for rest and recuperation.

This is Rehan, also an electrical engineer

- but right now, uh-- - Professional washer of dishes

and buffer of supermarket floors.

This is Abdullah, a telecommunications engineer,

but right now working at Larry's Gas and Snacks.

It' not so bad.

Uh, this is Kareem, a mechanical engineer,

but right now professional walker of dogs.

I also love American kittens, they're not bald or diseased.

Although he looks like he's from Bangalore,

he's actually just black.

This is Parag, he's a hooker.

- A gigolo - Yes, gigolo.

and I am a wallet.

- You mean valet? - Why, yes wallet.

It's nice to meet you... all.

Oh! And this is Mary Tyler Moore, my fiancée.

She told me I'm going to make it after all.

So, right away I fell in love. No touching, okay?

* On a little bed of straw

* Lay with Lady Marjorie Daw... *

So many of these men have technical degrees

and... yet they are working

as taxi drivers and dish washers.

I know, this is a great country.

There's no shame in any kind of job you do.

Rehan? I take one Rehan egg now,

I'll give you one Babu egg later, okay?

Okay, no problem.

How many people actually live here?

Uh, 11. Maybe 13.

Thirteen?

And every man here have cousins.

And cousins' cousins.

Where does everyone sleep?

Otto!

Okay.

Thank you for your consideration.

Have no fear, the North African is here.

- You are late. - Sorry--

Now all the jobs will be stolen.

Sorry. Sorry, sorry. Okay.

- Take off those pants. - Yes, I know.

Never heard that before, right?

- This a curry stain? - No.

Hmm-mmm.

I was hungry.

Uh, can someone tell me what's happening here?

- Oh! - Job fair.

- Job fair? - Uh!

Quick! Jump into these pants.

- Do it! - Oh, yes!

Ah! How do I look?

* He's so more than a shaker

* Straight to the top

* Nobody gonna hold him down

* Never gonna stop...

So Sami, what brings you here?

Ambition, honor, even love.

Wait, no. Uh, the bus.

* My religion

* Money's my middle name...

Sorry I'm late.

No, what-- What are you doing?

I'm scheduled for the one o'clock spot!

Well, Air India,

It's a decent airline.

The food is uh...

it can be an adventure in your stomach but...

Did you put on deodorant?

Uh, no. I'm sorry, sorry...

It was a hectic day.

Second leg. Right.

- Okay. - Up, up, up.

- Are you okay? - He don't fit.

I beg you, please don't make me. It hurts.

Just stay still.

It will fit if you relax!

Yeah, there we go.

You meant here-here.

My feet.

I like to walk.

Give me the jacket! Give it to--

I'm versed in, uh, control engineering

and the modeling of dynamic systems...

...integrated circuitry, augmentation engineering...

C'mon, give it to me!

- ...megatronics, biotronics... - Oh, no!

...capacitors, conductors, diodes...

Don't touch--

...but, of course, quantum mechanics, hello?

Your sleeve is falling off.

So, about that job...

Papa.

Funny. I can feel the tiger.

It's fury and warm, sticky. It's kind of wet.

That feels nice, aunty.

Just a little lower.

Okay. Oh!

This is disturbing.

Hello?

Sami? India calling.

Ask them to send money.

- Hello? - Hello, Sami!

It's me, ammi.

Ammi.

I can hear you, no need to yell across the ocean.

I miss you, beta.

And... And I have a surprise for you.

Hey, Sami! Congratulations, top class engineer!

Hey! Say something. Look, say something.

Where are you living?

Have they given you a new house?

Not exactly.

The engineering job at Graydian, it's....

Sami, hush, hush.

There's someone who wants to talk to you.

Hello? Sami?

Ruby?

Hi!

How's everything?

I don't know if I'll survive on this.

I haven't eaten, I haven't slept.

I've counted and named every animal in your courtyard.

I didn't want to miss a call from my special friend.

I feel certain you will survive.

It's not the same without you here, Sami.

How are you?

Yeah, yeah. I'm great. I mean, I've just been so busy.

I had some really big important projects and...

You should see the company, it's this open atmosphere

there's lots of collaboration, the CEO is such a character.

I think he really respects me, and, your father would love it.

I didn't know that, Sami. How wonderful.

Congratulations!

Well, my father is planning a trip to America,

to meet with some potential suitors.

Sami? Did you hear me?

You're coming to America?

Well, right now, it's California, Florida, Texas,

but I'm sure he'll be up for coming to Chicago if...

a certain someone were to invite us?

Shall I pass the phone onto my father?

Maybe you could say hello to him--

Your father? Ah... Oh, no, no, no, no. I...

I'm sorry, I just... I'm so busy with work

I should probably get going.

Oh.

Okay, I know you're very busy.

- Bye, Sami. - Bye.

Who is Ruby?

- Ruby. - Ruby?

It's only when a man becomes a sheep,

does the tiger reveal it's stripes.

They always come back.

Well, I am willing to begin at the beginning

to get to the end.

Great. Follow me.

So, remember. This is a temporary position,

but things can always open up upstairs,

if you don't underperform.

Oh, I intend to over-perform, at all times,

until the temporary becomes permanentarary.

- Is that a word? - No, I just made it up.

- Don't do that. - Okay.

This is the commercial

and industrial microwave division.

You name it...

- Uh... - We nuke it!

And if you can't, maybe we still nuke it.

Learn out motto. Attention, denizens,

this is Same-eye May-leak.

Draftsman.

Hey.

Great, and I look forward to speaking with you

about future opportunities.

Hello.

Same-eye.

Care to join me on our lovely rooftop?

I believe it's about time for my scheduled bomb break.

No, thank you. I should get to work. Nice to meet you.

Got ya!

What?

Oh, sorry. It's, uh, just a little hobby.

I like to take photo's of the profoundly depressed.

Alex.

Sami.

Are you also a draftsman?

Me? No, no.

I'm just killing time here until I'm, uh, struck by death.

Or genius. Whichever comes first.

Oh, and, uh... As if by magic, there you are. Here.

Seems a bit off. My head is right at the bottom.

Exactly. That's my style!

Oppression, suppression, repression.

Look. See how the surrounding space weighs down the subject?

Yes, I feel it.

Alex, can I assume you've been here for a while?

Yeah.

Feels like I've been here... since I was born.

So, can you give me any advice

on how to succeed at Graydian Technologies,

I need to become an engineer fast!

Nobody in the history of this company

has ever asked me how to succeed at Graydian.

What the hell!

This is Graydian's microwave division.

Also known as the "Oh, man, we might get screwed" division.

How so?

They've been commissioned by Baldwin & Company

to design a microwave that can properly heat frozen food.

That is without...

blowing up loud, of course.

Projects due in three weeks.

Who's that?

That's... Kenneth.

He's a senior engineer and...

Pretty much the golden boy of the office.

That, is just crazy, Big Mac,

cause my skin is clearly more bronze.

Good to see you both, and I mean it.

A lot of work to do, Baldwin Project, yada, yada, yada.

All right, here's the part you're missing.

Talent, it's only ten percent of the job.

Thirty percent is hard work,

and the last 70 is really just being accepted.

That's 110 percent.

See, when you say nerdy things like that,

it's hard to be accepted, all right?

You're a draftsman,

if you wanna fit in the right circle,

you've gotta talk the talk.

You are blind, muchacho.

Pirates are gonna sink the red ship.

Hey, come on! Did you see the sack Bumpy tried yesterday?

- ...huge mistake. - Hey, man, amigo,

Foster's gotta be swinging for the fences.

- Pirates? - Yeah. The Pittsburg Pirates.

You wanna play Graydian major leagues,

you're gonna have to speak major league baseball

and these office guys here, they even have their own team.

And they really get into it.

I never really liked baseball. Glove, really? I mean it's so--

Baseball. Pirates. Got it.

Look, you are a nice dude.

These guys, they're professional Americans,

the born CEOs.

We're talking about a lifetime of schmoozing about things like

golf, ethnic foods,

days of the week, the Winter Olympics.

I want to be a professional American.

...specializes in south Indian curry.

Piranha has wee-tish skin, I am possessing wee-tish skin, also.

No, you're more the color of old oatmeal.

You're too kind.

What's going on?

Oh. Sorry, bhai, but I found this envelope in your jacket.

Envelope?

My envelope? In my jacket?

Yeah, and there was this letter also.

"Dear Sami,

Now that you are settled and have a good job, it is time.

Here are the photos of choices for your future wife...

whose parents have shown interest."

Give this to me! Give them to me!

No! Not that one.

She's not there.

Stay away from my stuff.

Lay it on Babu, bhai.

I really should not lay it on Babu.

- I am 1-800-B-A-B-U. - I'm fine!

I don't have a chance, Babu.

That's why Ruby's photo isn't here.

Not only will I lose my visa if I don't get promoted soon,

but, there is this girl...

who can draw a perfect anatomical human heart.

She always knows the difference

between the Big and the Little Dipper.

She's beautiful.

* Clouds dissolve into the sun

* There's nothing But blue above *

* Everything's so clear to me

* Since my heart has Taught me how to sing... *

I will never be successful enough to marry that girl.

I have something that will make you feel so all-so-feely-good.

This is the General Lee.

From the TV show Dukes of Hazzard.

- Ah-ha? - In my village,

they would say, "In America,

even the man who sweeps the streets has a car."

I'm saving up now to make that dream mine.

So for you, be patient.

There are men up there

who haven't even had a girl sneeze on them.

Babu, that was a private conversation!

Now I will go call mommy.

- Come. - What? No, no--

Babu!

Hello?

Is this the lovely Huma?

Who is this please?

This is Babu. I am a great friend of your son.

- He's feeling a little sad. - I'll protect him!

Is he drinking alcohol?

- Is he with... prostitutes? - He's okay.

He's not with prostitutes--

- Ammi? - Sami?

Are you all right?

Yes, yes, it's fine, ammi.

I just need to know why Ruby is not among my 100 future wives?

The villagers are saying

her father's looking for a man with a castle in Houston.

Are you serious? Is it serious?

I mean, he's a doctor,

- so, I mean to say... - It's very serious.

Talk to her, Sami.

Just married, Marianne and Bob are so excited

with all their wedding gifts

that they've decided to eat their first meal in.

Marianne is cooking an old family recipe in a new way.

She uses the same ingredients

but now she'll be cooking with her new microwave oven.

Ah, the microwave oven.

Clearly the delightful American secret to good food,

marital bliss and the utmost happiness for everyone.

What a lie!

What they don't tell you is that nobody has yet made

a microwave that properly heats frozen food.

And while Graydian struggled with high radiation levels,

Ruby was being courted by doctors across America.

I had to become an engineer, and fast!

Ah, I know what this is.

It's a television.

- No. - It's a fish tank?

Time machine?

No. This is a microwave oven.

Right now, we are trying to properly heat frozen food,

but if we increase the power, there's too much radiation.

And what's great is that

Graydian's model keeps exploding.

- That's a great thing? - Yea, for me it is.

See, if I can figure it out,

they'll have no choice but to promote me as an engineer.

Okay.

Time machine?

* Whip me with seconds

* Till I'm blind with pain

* I'm breaking free From you, baby *

* From all these chains

* I'm so tired

* All I wanna do

* Is lay down

* In your arms

If you change the radius of the magnetron

will it have any effect on the load required?

Then you'd also have to adjust the magnetic strength

- to achieve the correct-- - No, no, no, no.

Maybe the problem is the wave length itself.

But perhaps for different types of food

you should use different types of energy.

Hey. Hey, hey, what are you doing?

We were just checking it out.

Okay, well, no more checking it out. This is my project.

Okay.

Let's go.

We have feelings.

Kenneth, hi. I have some ideas I wanted to show you.

I really think if we adjusted the magnetron we could...

Winston? How long have you been here?

Hmmm, 23 months.

- Twenty-three months? - No.

Thirty-three months.

Thirty-three months?

My God, Winston is the future white me.

I can't possibly do that.

I have to become a professional American.

It makes no difference if you're wearing

a hunting jacket or a monkey costume,

as long as you get yourself into the tigers' den.

* Touch down

* I have the faculties...

Hey, Alex,

thank you for showing me the ropes round here, I owe you.

Lunch tomorrow? You, me, burgers?

He makes burgers?

So... anyone here notice how much torque

is involved in figure skating?

An I'm really excited about the Winter Olympics.

* ...tigers' den

* it's gone

Why are so many baseball terms related to food?

High cheese, a pickle, a meatball, a rhubarb.

See, no explosion.

Hmm. The outside's a little warm,

the inside's a little... frozen...

but, you know, I like crunch.

To keep it from exploding I had to reduce the power.

It's a work in progress.

Oh, my god, what is my roommate doing to you?

- Alex, Babu. Babu, Alex. - Hi.

Axel, do you want to try some of Babu's famous chicken tikka?

I have no idea what that is but...

Yes please.

Oh, us too, okay?

I'll take mine Indian hot.

And I'll have mine veg.

Hmm.

This is the best Indian food I've ever had,

I mean, it's the only Indian food I've ever had.

My father had a roadside restaurant outside of Lahore.

People would come for miles to taste his tikka.

I think I'll be chasing this tikka for a long time.

My father also left me some very big shoes to fill.

You know what they say,

"If you put your mind to it you can do anything."

Sami bhai, you will fill those shoes.

- What about you Alex? - How big are your father's feet?

Oh, they're pretty big.

He's the owner and CEO

of Graydian Technologies.

I'm sorry. I, uh... normally get that reaction.

You are Mr. Womack's son?

What are you doing in the basement drafting?

You should be on the top floor smoking cigars

and getting complimentary foot massages.

I'm just not the "climb the ladder at work" kinda guy.

I-- I just wanna be happy with how my day went, you know?

What makes your day go good?

Well? No? Good?

I'm really into social documentary photography but, uh,

I don't know, my dad thinks that's a lost cause so...

You're still living with your parents?

That's very Indian of you, huh?

Alex?

In your social documentary photography,

do you only make sad heart-wrenching art

or do you also do documenting of happy people?

- I guess I do both. - Then come, I am needing

to be documented in front of something

that'll make me oh so happy.

Come! Come, let's go! Come on.

Come on!

This is him. The General.

The car that carried Bo and Luke out of danger

when the jewel thieves came to town and tried to frame them,

when the pool hustlers came to town and tried to frame them,

and when the vending machine bandits came to town

- and tried to frame them-- - I think we got it.

All right!

- One, two, three. - Cheese!

Come, Sami, get in the car

we'll take a picture inside The General.

Yeah, I really don't think we should--

The owner's a friend of mine, he won't mind.

Yeah.

You need some help?

Looking good! Good, good view right here.

Thank you, Alex. I've been meaning to document this

to send it home to my family.

Hey!

Get out of the car, man, told you before!

I'm still happy, Alex,

take the picture. Take the picture, guys.

- This is your friend? - You are dead meat!

- Wait till I get there! - Take the picture, guys.

You wait till I get there, you guys are dead meat!

We gotta get him out of the car. Get out of the car!

- Let's go! - Take the picture!

- Okay, go, go, go. - Did you get it?

- You got it? - We got it, we got it!

Move! We gotta go now! Go! Go!

Go! Go!

Okay, okay.

I'm sorry, guys,

- I don't know what came over me. - Yeah!

Seems like quite a bit of fuss over a car!

No, it's oh-so-much more!

I'm having dreams about my General

and you're having nightmares about yours.

Wait.

What are you talking about, a... a General?

Sami has to convince big scary general,

father of the girl he loves,

that he is a big success and worth it,

but General father is shopping for another man.

A man with a castle and a moat

who lives in a city called Houseton.

I'm pretty sure a moat wasn't mentioned.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's probably just a house.

My dad calls our house "his castle" too,

you know, the whole "a man's house is his castle", and all?

You must have a really big house.

Ooh, wow! You weren't kidding!

It really does look like a castle.

Yeah. A castle I can't get out of.

Oh.

I'm not allowed to complain, am I?

- No, definitely not. - No, never.

- Fair enough. - Take a picture of me and Sami

- in front of your house. - Why?

Because it's fun.

It's all right to have fun sometimes.

- Smile. Yeah. - Ready?

- Yeah. - One, two, three, cheese.

Cheese!

- Back to back. - Yeah, back to back.

Ready?

On three. Samosa!

- One, two, three. - Samosa!

You stay, you stay, stay. Put your hand here and one here.

- Ooh. Yeah! - Okay, all right.

Let's do this one nicely--

This is a husbandly pose for Sami.

There you go. One, two, three.

Sami and his castle.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- No, no, no, no. - No, what?

I can't let Ruby and her father think that this is my castle.

I--

Yeah, I may be desperate and unsuccessful

- but I am not a liar. - Sami, relax.

This is what we call "buying time".

You just send the photo to your girl,

Admiral Daddy, and by the time you can get married

you'll have a place of your own.

You know what the Americans say, "Fake it till you make it",

Fake it till you make it, Sami

- No! No! - Come on.

- Come on, Sami. - No! No, no, no, no.

* Precious store He's here too soon *

* Crashing down Our favorite groove... *

Tacos, amigos, muchachos?

Currently, there is one power source here

in the back of the capacitor, but if we...

...right over here we have one side of the microwave

at 0.33UF...

...so we change the radius here

and put it more towards the back of the capacitor,

we've now completed

a more even distribution throughout the microwave.

It's like a radio.

You need to adjust the wave amplifier.

That could help. That could really help!

Yeah, I thought you were a gigolo?

I am a gigolo.

Don't you tell anybody any different.

Come on, Sami, hombre.

This is just like cricket.

It's just like cricket.

That's what I'm talking about, hombre!

I'm telling you guys, it is the Cubs' year

and if it's not this year, it will--

Kenneth, before you go,

I forgot to show you these.

Uh, just some designs I have, but, uh....

Think of the right direction for the Baldwin Project.

Uh, it's very interesting.

And I'll definitely take a look at it

and bumped it up to the big man if it works.

- Great. - Oh, hey, Sami?

Feel like joining us at O'Malley's for some brews?

Brewskies? Ah, does O'Malley's have tea?

Yeah, I'm sure they do, I bet it's delicious.

* ...we'll find a way

* I can fill fill fill fill Fill this house of dreams *

* I see...

Sami?

Sami?

The dream has come true.

Come, step onto my General Lee.

Really nice, Babu, really nice.

- Well? - What do you think?

You've seen the exhaust pipe, right?

Yeah, the dealer told me they'll impound the car

if I can't get the smoke fixed but you can fix it, right, bhai?

- Right? - Yeah sure, I'll take a look.

I just have to work out some final details of my design.

Kenneth finally took my last draft. I'm so close!

Come with me for a joyous ride.

It's Sunday.

Maybe later, Babu.

It's Sunday.

No!

* Build, build, build, build Build this house of dreams... *

Sami, this telegram came for you earlier.

Go ahead.

"Dear Mr. Malik Received photos. Stop.

Looking impressive. Stop

Ruby and I fly to see you Saturday. Stop

Nice castle.

General Iqbal."

I've never been to a castle.

Are you going to the castle? Can I come?

Are there horses?

Sami bhai!

What are you doing? Huh?

You sent that photo of me to Ruby's father?

You left the address on the table

- for Alex and I to send. - That's not why I left it there!

Trying to help out a brother.

Well now, a brother's in trouble.

Ruby is coming here. Yeah!

She's expecting me to be an engineer

and to have a castle!

Sami bhai, Alex's castle can be yours someday.

It's only a small pretend.

This is, this is a big pretend!

I'm not doing it.

Kenneth wants to work on these right way. Sound good?

Okay, great.

- These are my designs! - Okay. So?

So?

Kenneth stole my designs!

My ideas!

This is my chance to get a permanent job around here.

Man, nobody here is your friend, okay?

Well, except for me, but...

Did you really think they were your friends?

Dude!

Listen to me. Look.

Let's go out for a few hours

and play some pong or something--

I'm going to fix this.

Look. Kenneth is chief engineer.

He's probably a future partner.

You, are a draftsman.

You're not going to become engineer overnight.

That's just... the lay of the land, my friend.

Well, I'm not going to make the land lay.

Lie.

Hey, Linda. Thank God, it's Friday.

- Taco guy! - Taco guy!

Sami. Hombre. What's doing?

I just received the designs you asked me to draft.

Okay.

So, you going to say something or explain?

Listen, man, we are in the middle of a meeting--

I worked on these designs for weeks.

I've been over performing, learning about baseball terms

going across town for your tacos,

you could've at least given me credit.

Credit? Ken, what is he talking about?

It's just something he's drafting, it's nothing.

It's everything.

I need a promotion. And I know you want to become partner--

Hey, I don't need you, to be partner.

What did you not give him credit for?

I gave him credit!

I told the big man where all the ideas came from.

I gave you credit. I was gonna tell ya.

He said you were king for the day.

And that was Wednesday of last week, but hey.

Washington's birthday

always ends up on a Monday somehow, right?

Hey, kid...

sometimes it's a "dog eat dog world" around here,

and sometimes

it just works out this way.

That was a good design,

even though I think it's probably still gonna explode.

No, there's a few bugs in it

but I don' think it's going to explode.

Even then, you got what you're gonna get.

The boss wants engineers to finish it.

It just doesn't sound right, man.

You need to be upfront with her, let her know where you're at.

I am desperate now, Alex.

Can't you feel my suppression, oppression, depression?

Kind of.

As of right now, Ruby and her father

are touring America

deciding who will marry the love of my life.

Please, Alex.

Please is when you ask for more cookies, okay?

Please isn't "can I steal your parents house for an evening

so a scary General from the Indian army

will me marry his daughter, I mean."

Not steal, borrow. Can we say borrow?

Alex, you've seen my roommates, you've met my roommates.

You are the only person who can help me. I need you.

Let's do it!

Okay, let's go.

If you begin to doubt your reach,

remember the tiger can jump 20 feet.

You don't get out through the door!

- Why'd you bring them? - This is my tiger.

Trust me, they'll want to see it.

Well...

my folks are at the Engineers' Dinner Club tonight

so we've got this place to ourselves for a few hours.

Let's quickly transform the house,

make it look like a successful Indian man lives here,

and impress the scary General.

In Three's Compan they did this all in 30 minutes.

It doesn't smell like an Indian man lives here.

* Rolling thunder

* Going on down the coast

* I wanna live a little Before I'm toast *

* I can't stay here

* I'm already gone

* Sound of an engine Like a victory song *

* People say you're crazy

* If you stray Too far from home *

* Small town talk Is just leaving me cold *

* I'm gonna find my goal...

Wow, I would marry you right now

if I wasn't already betrothed to Mary Tyler Moore.

Thank you.

Okay, they're here! Um, who are you?

I'm Babu, this is Alex, I think you already--

No, no, no, no, in this situation.

Oh. Um, well of course, I'm your personal chef.

Perfect. You?

- He's the butler. - What?

You have a problem with being

- a brown man's butler? - No, it's not that--

You open the door, you go to the living room,

I'm going to the kitchen.

* We're gonna Make it after all *

Ah, really, Babu?

Sir!

Why is it so dark in here?

Yes. Uh, Alex, can you find the light?

I mean, get the light, my butler.

Yes, of course.

- Sami. - Ruby.

- Hi. - Hi.

How are your travels?

Good. Really good. It's... Good to see you.

Good.

You must--

You are so annoying.

Dazzle me.

Alex... Prepare to dazzle.

It's nothing really.

Just the humble abode of a successful engineer.

Hmm. But you've barely been here a month?

Things happen quickly here.

Especially if you put your mind to it.

You certainly seem to have put yours to it.

Was it you who slued this beast?

Well, no. Yes.

I found him prowling in the backyard.

There's bears in Chicago?

There's a few stragglers here and there.

From Canada.

The butler should only speak when spoken to.

- Is this glass for alcohol? - No-- Alcohol?

Tiny glasses for tiny milk and tiny cookies and such.

Collectors' item, yeah.

Everything for everything. Only in America.

"Pour me another glass. You're still ugly."

Alex, I think it's time to see what the chef is up to.

Of course, Your Lordship. Right this way, General.

That's a lot of milk you've got there.

Yeah, it's... to make sure I have strong bones.

I feel like we haven't had a chance to talk.

I know, I'm sorry. I've been...

really trying to make sure your father felt comfortable...

And you know, at work I'm...

I'm leading this big project where we're trying to take

a microwave and reduce the radiation waves....

You look beautiful, as always.

Thanks.

You look, uh...

Different.

Um... I need to show you something.

Come.

Sir, this is not a new invention

but this particular design is mine.

These samosas are delicious.

And your contraption has heated them perfectly.

Our boss is a top class engineer.

I have no doubt, like you're a top class cook?

General, would you mind if I took Ruby upstairs

to talk for a few minutes?

You have my permission to woo her.

Papa.

But you know, Sami beta,

on military training exercises

we do not use live ammunition.

You catch my float?

Yes, sir, of course. Ruby?

You have my permission to woo me.

Good.

Now I can question these men about their military history.

Do you know General Lee?

Which brigade?

Dukes, the Hazzards of.

- Okay, keep walking. - Okay.

- Forward. Keep going. - Okay.

Right there, stop. Now turn around.

- Grass. - Okay.

Now lay down.

Okay.

What is going on here?

- Just trust me. - Okay.

- Keep your eyes closed. - Okay.

Okay.

* ...Everything's so clear to me... *

Open your eyes.

* Since my heart Has taught me how to sing... *

The Indian night sky.

It's so beautiful.

* And the flowers Are in bloom tonight... *

Taurus.

Gemini.

Aquarius.

Hmmm.

* I'm looking Into the face of love *

* Love's looking back at me...

Ruby, I have to tell you something.

Hmm?

I need to tell you the truth.

It's okay, I know.

You know?

Yes.

Why else would a brand new moped keep breaking down

and all of a sudden be magically repaired again?

Your moped?

Yes, right.

I miss our little trips.

I miss you, Sami.

I wish we didn't have to share our adventures

over the telephone.

* Since my heart Has taught me how to sing... *

Yeah, it's much better like this.

* A little bird Has taken flight... *

You-hoo, dinner is served.

Babu.

Do we have to?

- We have to. - Really?

- Ah, ten more seconds. - Okay.

Oh, no, no, no, that's enough for me.

I need to leave room for the sweet dish.

Are you jiving me, partner?

Uh, no, no. Uh, partner is cowboy talk.

Uh, cowboys in America do not jive--

I really think--

No, no, leave him, Sami.

Unlike your butler, your chef...

is a good man. He's as good a man as I now see you are.

To tell you the truth...

I did not think you had the success in you.

Papa!

I'm being honest.

When the village pooled money to send him to America,

I refused to donate.

And now I see I've missed out on... a great investment.

This house,

your career...

Sami... Now you are a man.

I thought you will be washing dishes.

But now look at you.

They often say that, uh...

"Greatness skips a generation."

But you are an exception to the rule.

Sami, you are just like your father.

He would be so proud of you.

A tiger's son is always born with stripes.

You'll make me proud, my son.

I think this moment calls for a little honesty.

General Iqbal...

Ruby.

- This is not my house. - Oh, dear.

This is his house.

The butler?

I don't own a house.

I share a small apartment with 13 roommates,

sometimes more if their aunts and uncles are coming to visit.

You mean you've been lying to us?

I'll just go reheat the chicken.

This is all an... act?

I don't have a permanent job.

I'm a temporary draftsman at his father's company.

The butler's father has a company?

Sami...

You left India...

You left me.

To do this?

I needed to buy time.

And I needed to impress your father.

Until all of this becomes real.

But it's me who you're marrying, Sami.

Not my father.

And the one thing I wanted in a husband

was someone who I could share the same values with.

I wanted to become a man of prestige, and honor...

That's what you deserve.

But all I needed was my best friend back, Sami.

I just wanted you to be you.

The Sami that...

that I know.

Come on, Papa... let's go.

Your father would be so ashamed of you.

Ruby, please?

Okay, Ruby!

Ruby, please, try to understand!

What's happening?

You guys are back early.

Alex, who are these people and... what is that smell?

Say hey, Sami.

- You know this man? - He's a draftsman.

- From the basement. - An employee, in my house?

- Goodbye, Sami. - No, Ruby--

What the hell was that?

It's okay.

I mean, not really.

Look, we, we're just having a dinner party,

it's no big deal.

Uncle Tommy and Aunt Agatha!

Uncle Tommy and Aunt Agatha turned brown.

Nobody move.

I don't feel safe.

- Sir, I can explain. - Stop talking.

Operator, yes, I'd like to report intruders.

Whoa! Dad, what are you doing?

We're going to have a sincere conversation

about your choice in friends

and life and work!

No, not you, operator.

It went ding.

And then it went boom.

Hate to say I told you so, Sami, but....

Do-- do you have a corner piece?

- Right here. - Thank you.

It's been hours, and Babu's still detained.

That is not good on perspired visa.

Mr. Molluck.

You are now officially on double probation.

There is double probation?

I have been informed you committed an infraction

on our CEO's private property.

Luckily for you,

Mr. Womack's son pleaded your case.

There are certain ways of doing things here, Mr. Mollick.

If you want your temporary position

to become something more...

I suggest you learn them.

Can you tell me, where is Alex now?

Have you seen my butler around here?

Hey, it's the man who speaks with microwaves.

- So you got transferred, huh? - Yeah.

My dad had a big talking with me and...

uh, he put me on the corporate track and...

eventually I'll become leader of this empire.

Thank you for saving my job.

Sure. And... no offense, friend, but, uh...

I think we both need to chill.

Alone. For a bit.

Right. I understand.

Have you heard from Ruby at all?

I can't get hold of her.

She's going to California.

Probably going to find a man who's a real person.

Well... can't always get what you want.

A little pointed, but true.

It's a song. Rolling Stones?

Well, the Stones speak the truth.

Babu! Hey, are you okay?

What happened?

I'm sorry, Babu.

I miss my valet shift.

The country club has asked me to go away.

That is wrong.

That is so wrong.

I'm probably going to be fired myself.

Land of opportunity.

You can do anything if you put your mind to it.

That's a load of crap.

I'm sorry, Babu.

I didn't mean that. I know you have the General Lee.

It's a majestic car.

He is impounded.

In one week...

he'll be crushed into tiny little pieces.

They will not extend my visa.

I will have to go back.

I will never be able to find another job here.

You can't fly away, Babu.

If anyone deserves to be here, you do.

Do you know what I told you about the street sweeper?

In America even the street sweeper has a car.

It's more than that.

In restaurants here...

they call you a hombre.

Nobody comes and steals your food.

And they queue up in lines here, even when they drive.

And it doesn't matter how little you make...

they still smile at you on the streets.

But still I have to leave.

I'm so sorry, Babu.

You know what, Sami?

Ruby is right for you.

You know how I know that?

How?

Because even though she goes to a top British school...

she still wears little braids in her hair.

Arrogant girls don't wear little braids in their hair.

So, I suppose this is when

I should see the best in something, huh?

Always to be patient.

No, Sami bhai...

today we just be sad.

Babu! Come quickly.

I cannot, I am still being sad.

Come with me.

- I have to show you something. - My boots!

* This is my destiny

* My true reality...

Look.

The great mythical street sweeper.

He lives.

He drives.

A Dodge Colt.

But... Ah, it's still something.

It is something.

Hello?

Hello, ammi.

Hello, beta.

How are you?

Listen, I have to tell you something.

I know everything.

You do?

Ruby told her mother.

And she told her cousin's sister.

And she told her brother's wife's aunty,

and the brother's wife's aunty told Mrs. Banjera, who told me.

I'm sorry, ammi.

I let you down.

I let the village down.

I let Ruby down, everyone really.

I had this great tiger hunter for a father

and this is what he gets for a son.

Oh, Sami.

Your father only ever killed one tiger.

What?

That's it. One tiger.

But, everyone remembers him as the great tiger hunter.

He was.

He shot that one tiger that helped protect his village.

But everyone kept calling him this...

because he was always a hero for them,

always around for them.

Besides, not many people had a gun.

I wanted to be great.

I wanted to be just like him.

But, you already were like him,

remember?

Even when you were here in the repair shop...

I see your father in you, Sami.

You know?

Both of you had a different idea of greatness.

Do you think the villagers loved him

when he was hidden in the jungle?

Or when he was dancing with them in the streets?

Grandma... is this a time for crying or for dancing?

- Dancing? - Oh...

Show them your moves, come on.

Your father is amazing.

Whatever you do in life, remember this.

The success comes not from what you hunt...

but who you hunt with.

I've gather you here,

in the privacy of this very small dining area,

'cause I have come to realize...

that there's tremendous potential,

right here in this room.

Gentlemen,

it is time to put our collective heads together

and create a microwave that cooks food perfectly,

and somehow does not explode.

Are you up for the task?

- Let's do this boys. - Yeah.

Okay.

That's right! Let's begin.

It is not possible, we need to increase

the microwave energy to produce more heat.

Then there will be too much radiation.

What we need here is a lightbulb moment.

- Or, how about just a lightbulb? - What?

An infrared one, to create more heating power.

I cleaned my bowels.

Bowls.

Bowels. That's what I said.

Radiation is within limit now.

But, it looks like it's barely defrosting.

Shit!

We need to find an additional heating source

with lower radiation.

Or, something that won't overload the power.

I hate cold pizza.

Then warm it up with...

* Ground control To Major Tom... *

We need your hairdryer.

I'll explain later.

But your hair is not wet!

I'm excited.

Okay.

Ooh... It's hot!

All right.

Is it perfectly hot?

This is some perfectly hot jive turkey.

Yes!

Nope.

What do you mean?

I mean, that much ain't gonna cut it for this Charger.

This car is disgustingly decrepit.

It makes your junkyard look bad.

Come on, this is more than fair.

If my crusher wasn't malfunctioning,

this Charger would be pulverized by now.

You're in luck, with your equipment malfunction?

Because you happen to be talking to an engineer.

Wow, don't you love Paris in the fall?

And you are?

I'm Sami...

and this is Rehan, Siddesh,

Kareem, Parag, Vikram, Abdullah, and Winston.

Are you sure you didn't leave anyone out?

Mr. Womack is in a meeting with--

With Mr. Baldwin. He needs to see us.

Nobody knocks.

What's happening?

Frank, what the--

I, uh...

Mr. Malik.

Hello. I'm Sami.

And this is Siddesh, Vikram,

Rehan, Abdullah, Parag, Kareem, and Winston.

All of them very talented engineers.

How wonderful...

to have Siddesh,

Vikram, Rehan, Abdullah,

Parag, Kareem, and Winston with us.

- Not bad. - Right now,

I'm just not sure this is the time for everyone--

It is lunch time, isn't it?

Let me call my secretary, I'm sure we can reschedule this.

Frank, before you turn them out

let's at least have a little lunch.

Sure.

What have we got to lose?

After all,

I haven't gotten any good news from your chief engineer today.

Mr. Malik, you were saying?

Mr. Baldwin,

please enjoy a perfectly heated and evenly cooked TV dinner

thanks to convection and radiant heat

from a new microwave oven prototype

designed by the team you see here.

I can never tell if this meat is chicken or turkey.

I'm sure it's one of them.

Now I don't know what kind of contraption

you people have going with the hairdryer, but...

this TV dinner is perfectly heated.

And for once this brownie does not taste rubbery.

I'd say as long as there's no danger of explosion...

we have ourselves a new contract.

It's not going to explode, is it, Kenneth?

I don't think it will.

From an engineering stand point it makes perfect sense.

It makes perfect sense.

Well, what are you waiting for, Frank?

- Aren't you hungry? - I'm famished.

* People

* Got the power...

Have you got any, uh, Eric Clapton?

No, but I have, uh...

The Village People's and the Donna Summer's?

Uh, no.

I'll just take two of those fried triangles.

Uh... That's my....

Okay.

General Lee!

I missed you.

What? How did you do this?

No one can keep the General behind bars.

And, uh...

It's time you got in the samosa and tikka masala business.

People are hungry.

And you have something no one else in Chicago has.

This is a food mobile?

Yes, it's a food mobile.

To go along with your Babu mobile.

I am speakless.

Me too.

You're a good bhai. Really, Babu.

My mostly good news:

Baldwin has agreed to take the project to the next stage...

I'm curious what you are expecting from all this?

Only that those talented engineers

get the opportunities they deserve.

What about you?

I only wish to live up to my father's example.

And if there's a way to do that here at Graydian,

I'll be excited to hear about it.

You were lead on the project, I imagine there's...

a position for you that's more in line with your skills...

Dear Ruby,

Sometimes the only reason you miss something

is you were looking in the wrong direction.

Hey. What-- What are you doing here?

I'm going to California.

If I make it to Ruby's hotel in time,

I might be able to convince her to give me a second chance.

Maybe that's why I can never see Aquarius.

No matter how hard I looked.

* Ooh baby baby It's a wild... *

What do you say to the girl

who knows every constellation in the skies?

* Hard to get by Just up on a smile *

* Ooh baby baby It's a wild... *

I might tell her this:

It may not be what I planned,

but I found something here.

* Like a child girl

* You know I've seen a lot Of what the world can do... *

I 'm no longer pretending.

I 'm just trying to be the man you always knew I should be.

* Sad girl

* Don't be a bad girl...

There may always be somebody above me,

and I don't know how high I'll climb in my future,

but I've learned that it doesn't have to be a future

about dog eat dog at all.

It's about dog helping dog.

About just being happy with how you spent your day.

Because here, there is a way to be nothing,

but to also have, and to be, more than most.

Hey, Babu!

Oh, hey. There you go. Where's your money?

- Tomorrow! - How many?

It's a strange thing

being the son of the world's greatest tiger hunter.

* La-la-la-la-la-la

* La-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la *

* Baby I love you...

Learning to find greatness

in how you live the little moments.

* Hope you make a lot Of nice friends out there *

* But just remember there's A lot of bad and beware... *

I have found good here.

* Baby baby It's a wild world *

And maybe I can never give you much else...

but if you join me,

we can experience that good, together.

* It's a wild world

* And I always remember you Like a child girl *

* Ooh baby baby It's a wild world *

* And it's hard to get by Just upon a smile *

* Ooh baby baby It's a wild world *

* And I'll always remember you Like a child girl *

* Hey, baby

* Reach out and take my hand

* I said, baby

* Just reach out And take my hand *

* Let's go to that windy city

* Good old Chicago land

Come on. Hey, what's up?

* And it's the heart Of America *

* The face by the lake

* It's my kind of town

* A city on the lake

* So come on

* Just reach out And take my hand *

* We'll all go To that windy city *

* Good old Chicago land