Original subtitles

GILES: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer--

All right. You want to fry a witch? I'll give you a witch.

Before thee, let the unclean thing crawl!

WILLOW: She's a perfectly normal girl.

-Then she's a rat. -Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies.

-Can-- Can we not do this now? -Forget it ever happened.

Forget.

What is wrong with you?

I know you used that spell on me.

I will go a month without doing any magic.

-Go a week. -Fine. That's easy.

When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black, the spell will be cast.

TARA: I don't think this is gonna work.

WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me?

I'm placing an order.

Oh, no, no. I'm not making any more girls.

Sure you are. Here's your specs.

So, you guys wanna team up and take over Sunnydale?

Okay. Okay.

WARREN: The trio versus the Slayer.

We're like super-villains. (diabolical laugh)

I can't do this without you. You can.

That's why I'm going.

I'm headed back to England,

and I plan to stay.

We have to talk.

About what?

We kissed, Buffy.

I'm sure we can work something out.

A deal of some sort. Anything you want.

BUFFY: I always wanted a pony.

Oh. You weren't really speaking to me, were you?

My bad. Well, as long as I'm here--

MAN: Lady! BUFFY: Wow. A mugging.

Haven't gotten one of those in a while.

Usually it's blood, and with the horror--

just a good old-fashioned mugging.

Kinda sweet, actually.

Oh, well, probably not for you.

Here. Go. Now.

Not too sweet for you, either, huh?

Well, come on. Rush me. It'll be funny.

-(Spike yells) -No!

-(frustrated sigh) -Ow!

-What the hell are you doing? -I thought they were demons.

Way to go with the keen observy-ness, Jessica Fletcher.

-Remind me not to help you. -More often?

Hey, a little sympathy for the man with the migraine here, can we?

Well, that's what you get for attacking a human.

Yeah. You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head,

they'd at least make it so I could attack criminals and that sort.

Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten.

You just have to get your rocks off fightin' demons.

There are other ways.

And to that, an extreme "see you later."

Buffy.

(sighs) Spike, it's late, okay?

Can we just finish this another time?

Oh, so you wanna jump right to the kissing, then, eh?

I am not kissing you, Spike. Once was--

-Twice. -But not again.

You're a tease. You know that, Slayer?

Get a fella's motor revvin', let the tension marinate a couple of days,

then bam-- crown yourself the ice queen.

You need a few more metaphors for that little mix?

It's only a matter of time before you realize I'm the only one here for you, pet.

You got no one else!

(squeaking)

What's the matter, Amy?

You lonely?

Oh, we need to get you a nice companion rat

that you can love, play with, and grow attached to

until one day they leave you for no good reason.

Won't that be fun?

Relax, Amy, I'm just kidding.

I swear, if I could figure out how to turn you back--

Any way.

(speaking foreign word)

(speaking foreign language)

(screams)

(theme music playing)

Dude, what are you doing?

We're not breaking into Langley here. It's Sunnydale.

Well, you never know what new stuff they have.

Better safe than--

Okay, the security system here is a guy named Rusty.

-Now get up. -Whoa, head rush. Cool.

Guys, come on. All right? Quit jerkin' around.

See, that's cool. How come he gets to play

with all the cool stuff?

Because I'm allergic to methane

and you're still afraid of hot things.

I know.

Besides, the tank kept making both of us tip over, remember?

-Got it. -It's beautiful.

Boys, congratulations. Phase one of the plan is now complete.

-Let's get the hell outta here. -RUSTY: What are you boys doing?

Um, we're with a tour group.

The get-the-freeze-ray tour group.

-Must have gotten separated. -Museum closed five hours ago.

Really? Uh-huh.

Huh. Guess we just lost track of time,

and should probably just get the freeze ray out of here now.

'Cause we love the learnin', Rusty.

Museums, libraries, Disney Hall of Presidents.

Not boring. But more to the point-- good-bye.

Dude, that is so cool!

The freeze ray totally worked. Yeah, uh, not exactly.

So there's a kink or two. It's just a prototype. I mean, soon we'll have--

Hey, that's really neato and stuff,

but in the meantime, you know, ow!

-Be a bigger wuss. -Can we just go back to the lair?

Because I can't really feel my fingers.

Yeah, yeah, come on.

-Is he gonna, like-- -He'll be fine.

Yeah, he'll defrost in a couple days. No harm, no foul.

Won't he tell on us? And say what?

"Two guys and a mime took me out with their freeze ray"?

Isn't likely. Come on.

(door opens)

Hey. Here's some hot chocolate. You want--

No, thanks.

I'm still kinda queasy.

Okay. Maybe later.

(siren)

Hey, no. It-It's okay.

It's-- It's just a siren.

It's o-- it's all right. Okay? You okay?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Just, you know--

(whispering) Everything feels weird.

I mean, it's like-- I felt like I was in that cage for weeks.

But it can still be okay. Right?

I-I can still get into the swing of things, like...

prom's coming up.

I was so hoping Larry would ask me.

We would make such a splash at--

Oh. Oh, God.

(sighs) He hasn't asked someone else, has he?

Uh, Amy...

three things we have to talk about.

One, Larry's gay. Two, Larry's dead.

And three, high school's... kinda over.

How long was I in the cage?

How long?

Willow?

Hey. How you doin'?

Oh, um, okay.

Yeah? Yeah. Not parades and cotton candy, but okay.

Wil, um, can I talk to you about something? Of course.

Right. Okay, um...

you know how we all make choices,

and sometimes they're good,

and sometimes they're... less good.

Uh-huh.

Well, lately I haven't-- (door opens)

Oh, Tara, hey--

BUFFY: Amy? The whole school?

By a giant snake thing? Okay, still adjusting.

-Hi, Buffy. -Hi.

-How've you been? -Rat. You?

-Dead. -Oh.

Well, I should let you guys catch up. I can--

No, no, no, no. Stay. Do you have any cookies?

Uh, yeah. Wh-what kind?

Any kind. Not cheese.

Um, sure. In the-the kitchen. I'll just get 'em.

No, no. I'll grab 'em.

Okay, well, um, at least, you know, let me make up the couch for you.

It's late. You should stay here. Everybody does.

Thank you.

Wow! I know.

Is she gonna be okay?

Don't know. She's kinda freaked out. But then, I would be too.

Wow.

Yeah, I-- I just realized I could.

Thought of the right thing and--

It's nice having another magically-inclined friend around.

So, what were you gonna tell me? You were sounding all serious.

Huh? Oh, it's nothing.

I mean, the whole Amy-rat-Amy thing,

no way I'm topping that.

(man speaking on TV)

Hey. How you doin'? You need anything? (TV shuts off)

No, thanks. Good cookies.

-Sorry about your mom. -Thanks.

It's crazy, all the things that have happened since I went away.

-No kidding. -Snyder got eaten by a snake,

the high school got destroyed.

Oh, Gatorade has a new flavor. Blue.

See? Head spinning.

People getting frozen, Willow's dating girls...

and did you hear about Tom and Nicole?

-People are getting frozen? -(TV on)

In critical yet stable condition as local authorities continue their investigation

into the robbery that left one man frozen solid.

-Live from the museum, Brian Morris, K-OUS. -Weird.

(siren blaring)

Oh. Excuse me. Excuse me. Thanks.

Anything can happen. I'm not sure what it is.

Careful. (clinking)

-Wait here, wait here. -(chattering)

-Great. -Well, well, well, look who decided to show up.

What are you doing here, Spike?

Well, you know a man was frozen alive in there. A little compassion, love.

Uh, you know, as long as we're both here, you might as well tag along.

I mean, as a team we could-- Yeah, that never really ends well, does it?

It did the other night.

You really seem awfully fixated on a couple of kisses, Spike.

And you seem awfully quick to forget about 'em.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I'm-I'm sorry if you thought that it meant more.

But?

But when I kissed you,

you know I was thinking about Giles, right?

You know, I always wondered about you two.

What?

Oh, gross, Spike!

He left, I was depressed,

ergo, vulnerability and bad kissing decisions.

But that's all that it was. You have to let it go.

-Did it work? -What?

You convince yourself?

Please stop.

A man can change.

You're not a man. You're a thing.

Stop walking away. Don't touch me!

(yelling)

You're a thing.

An evil, disgusting thing.

Look at all the goodies.

(screams) That's right. You should scream.

Creature of the night here, yeah? Some people forget that.

-Please. -She thinks I'm housebroken.

-She forgot who she's dealing with. -Anything you want--

Just 'cause she's confused about where she fits in, I'm supposed to be too?

'Cause I'm not.

I know what I am. I'm dangerous. I'm evil.

I-I-I'm sure you're not evil.

Yes, I am. I am a killer.

That's what I do. I kill.

And, yeah, maybe it's been a long time, but...

it's not like you forget how.

You just do it, and now I can again, all right?

So, here goes.

(screams) This might hurt a little. (growls)

(yells)

(panting) What the hell is going on?

Good God, that's a lot of shake.

I mean, I know part of our big movie and milk shake fun day,

but, good God, that's a lot of shake!

Helps to wash down the Raisinets.

Promise me that you will eat something green tonight.

Leafy green, not Gummi green. (giggles)

Movie was fun.

Yeah. It was ironic when all those cute inner-city kids...

taught their coach a valuable lesson.

You know that I will always be there for you, right?

There-There's actually more of a lead-in when I practiced that at home.

I know. It's just,

I wanted you to know that...

my moving out had nothing to do with you, and I'm-- I will never stop loving you.

I know.

(sighs) Do you think you'll ever get back together?

I wish I knew.

But you still love her. Very much. I just--

Sometimes... other things get in the way.

I know.

She's been doing a lot better lately though.

She's been really good about being careful a-about stuff.

Well, good.

Great. That's-That's great.

Here. Says the guard's definitely gonna live.

He's all thawed out. Says they used hair dryers. Huh.

Everything slowed down. His nervous system, circulatory system.

-He's still unconscious. -(whimpering)

-Anya? -It's such a pain.

The text I wanted-- Giles took it with him.

He has this thing that owning a book makes it, like, his property.

What should we do? Should we call him?

It's like the middle of last night there.

Maybe it's tomorrow. Anyone remember how that works?

It's okay. No one freak. We'll just do it another way.

I don't think we need to resort to-- I mean--

Oh. Hey. Cool.

All right, back to basics.

A little old-fashioned, state-of-the-art hacker action.

That's great, Wil. I haven't seen you do that in a long time.

I-I don't remember that part.

It's quicker. It'll just take me a sec to go through the files.

Okay, internal police report.

A diamond was stolen from the museum last night.

A big one, on loan from the British Museum.

They're withholding information to smoke out the criminals.

Oh, it's pretty. There's a picture.

Well, is it a supernatural diamond?

You know, like, healing powers or-- or good-lucky?

Maybe it's cursed.

Diamonds are excellent for cursing.

We'll keep checking, shall we?

Well, you know, I am kinda beat,

and I bet you that's tiring, that... thing you're doing there.

Guys, I'm fine. What's the deal with--

Oh, for crying out loud! This is bizarre.

You're all la-la-la with the magic and the not talking,

like everything's normal, when we all know that Tara up and left you,

and now everyone's scared to say anything to you.

Except me.

Is this that thing I do that you were commenting-- (whispers) Uh-huh.

Guys, it's okay. It's hard...

but, it-it's better this way.

Little things just started taking over. Things that didn't matter.

But we saw them differently, so they got blown out of proportion.

And this time away will help us sort through things.

Really. Now, let's just keep working on this.

I don't want to leave Amy alone in the house so long.

Amy. Is she-- How is she adjusting?

It's hard to say.

It's a lot to take in.

I keep expecting her to do, like, ratty stuff.

You know, licking her hands clean,

shredding newspaper, leaving little pellets in the corner.

Let's definitely not leave her alone in the house too long.

-I didn't know it'd be so sparkly. -And so big.

Yes, gentlemen, it turns out size is everything.

No offense, man.

It makes colors with the light.

All right. I think we've finished the first part.

Now it's time for phase two. Is the van fired up? Check.

Hello? It's called knocking.

Knock knock, robot boy. You need to look at my chip.

Is that, like, British slang or something? 'Cause we're not--

In my head. The chip in my head.

We're kind of in the middle of something.

Well, you can play holodeck another time. Right now, I'm in charge.

Yeah, what are you gonna do if we don't especially feel like maybe playing your--

What are-- wait, what are you doing?

Examine my chip or else Mr. Fett here is the first to die.

Hey! All-- All right. Let's not-- Let's not do anything crazy here.

That's a limited edition, 1979, mint condition Boba Fett.

WARREN: All right, dude, chill.

You can still make it right. You know you don't wanna do this.

What I want is answers, nimrod.

Right. But you don't want to hurt the Fett,

because, man, you're not comin' back from that!

You know, you don't just do that and walk away.

-That right? Let's find out. -One sec-- One second.

Dudes, I think that's Spike. Of course it is, and he's evil.

Completely capable of removing that head. I'm gonna help him out.

Are you sure we can trust him? I mean, we all have heads too.

See, we help him, and he owes us one.

See, we get Spike on our side, we get info on Buffy.

And maybe-- maybe we can even find a way to keep her out of phase two.

-Jonathan's right. Can we trust him? -Of course not.

But alliances aren't about trust.

See, he needs us, we need him. Well, that's how these things work.

I think we're ready. Agreed? Agreed.

Do what you need to do.

I think we can work something out.

I'll take a look at your chip. It'll be a deal.

We scratch your back, you scratch--

I'm not scratching your anything.

You do what I tell you. That's the deal. Deal?

-Deal. -Then let's go.

(gasps) It's okay, it's okay. It'll be fine.

-Amy? -Oh, God, you're back!

I thought you said you wouldn't be gone that long.

-I wasn't. I mean, I thought I was-- -Let's go somewhere.

-Don't you want to go see your dad? -No. Can't.

Not yet. Too many questions.

About where you were?

No. About how I got there.

I wish there was a way that I could make him forget about the last three years.

Oh, well, hey, I can help you with that.

Only you might want to sew your name into your clothes first or something.

No. I just don't wanna deal with him right now.

I think I would be... bored.

-Well-- -Come on. Let's get outta here.

Well, what do you want to do?

I don't know. Something fun.

Anything not involving a big wheel.

Or maybe... you'd rather sit home all night,

alone, like in high school.

No. No, you know what? I can have fun.

Heck, I-I deserve some fun.

-Yeah, you do. -I can party.

Not like I owe anyone anything. I am totally free.

So, let's make with the fun.

(beeping)

You're English, right?

Yeah?

I've seen every episode of Dr. Who.

Not Red Dwar though, 'cause, um--

'Cause it's not out yet on DVD.

Right. It's not out yet on... DVD.

-Warren! -Here I am. Here.

Bloody hell. Get on with it, then.

Help me out here, Spock. I don't speak loser.

Okay. Right. Well, um, your chip works fine. Yeah.

-There's gotta be something wrong-- -No, no, listen.

I don't know what that thing does. I'd like to.

-Hey. -But whatever it is, it works fine.

There's no deterioration of the signal. It still is coming through

in a steady pulse, which it's supposed to.

If you're lying to me-- No. It's all right here.

I mean, it is. It's really not that hard to figure out if you just-- What?

You tell anyone about this-- I won't. I-I promise.

Who would I tell? I don't even know what this is about.

It's about the rules having changed.

Everything's different now.

Nothing wrong with me. Something wrong with her.

Hello? We're home.

Looks like no one's here.

Well, I'm sure they'll be back soon.

Um, I know Willow and Buffy were meeting up with Xander to do some research.

Well, then I-I should probably get back.

Or you can stay and wait for them.

Then you can get a chance to catch up with... everyone.

Yeah, I-I don't think that's such a great idea.

Okay. Your call.

I have the TV to keep me company till they get back.

(TV on)

You notice how it's been getting dark so much earlier these days?

Ha. Talking cat.

Fine. I'll stay, but just until they get back.

And only to make sure that you are not alone.

This has nothing to do with... anyone else.

Sure. Cool. Up to you.

* Low country wars

* Oh, there's a demon

* She's drinkin' and thinkin' and runnin' away *

I know. Xander engaged. I couldn't believe it either.

It's just so weird.

So, what's she like?

A thousand-year-old capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia.

Well, that's so his type. * I'm losing or am I winning?

* I'm getting caught in the corners *

* Of her vermilion borders

-Hey. -Hey.

* She's moving backwards and forwards *

Hey.

* And she's ugly when she's insecure *

-* That makes her beautiful -Well, let's go, then.

We're gonna go dance. Do you wanna come?

Oh, uh, no. You go.

-I-I'll keep an eye on our drinks. -Okay.

I mean, because if you want something a little more your style--

I'm sure we can swing that.

No. Really. No.

Hi. Brie. Willow.

Nice, um, top.

-No. Thanks, but no. -Are you sure?

-I'm not-- Sh-sh-- I'm still-- -It's cool.

Oh. Uh, sorry.

-MAN: So, uh, are we gonna go? -Yes. You're gonna be okay?

Yeah, go. I'm all kinds of good.

* I'm losing

* Or am I winning?

* I'm getting caught in the corners *

* Of her vermilion borders

* She's moving backwards and forwards *

* And she's ugly when she's inse-- *

No use looking at me like that.

It's the gullet for you, mister.

Hey. Sorry. I kind of got caught up.

No. It's okay.

You know, if rats could dance,

they probably wouldn't gnaw so much.

Hey, come on. We're just gettin' started.

I think I'm gonna sit this one out. MAN: Uh-uh.

You can't just work us up like that and then just-- Hey!

-I think she said no. -Well, nobody asked you, Ellen.

-You wanna dance? -That's all.

Nice, slow, relaxing dance.

Gee. I think I do feel more relaxed.

XANDER: Aha! I got it!

Here's our villain right here.

What?

That's a D&D manual, sweetie.

No, but it--

-Oh. -Let's face it.

We're not gonna find this thing because it doesn't exist.

There's no such thing as a frost monster who eats diamonds.

Well, maybe he doesn't eat them.

You know, maybe he just... thinks they're pretty.

-We suck. -We need new brains.

-What's up with Willow? -Out with Amy, I guess.

Great. Someone to do more magic with.

But at least she's not all cooped up and crying. That's forward momentum.

I know that I don't know everything that happened with her and Tara, but it--

Tara thinks Willow is doing too much magic, and she's not the only one.

I know. But I think she'll be fine, you know?

It's-- It's Willow, she of the level head.

Well, those are the ones you have to watch out for the most. Responsible types.

Right. She might go crazy and start alphabetizing everything.

I'm serious. Responsible people are always so concerned

with being good all the time that when they finally get a taste of being bad,

they can't get enough-- It's like all kablooey.

-That's not true. -Okay, not kablooey. More like bam!

It's human nature, Buff.

Wil's getting a taste of something powerful, way bigger than her.

Yeah, and she was getting out of control with it before Tara left,

-and now that she's gone-- -XANDER: It's gotta be seductive just giving in to it,

going totally wild.

-We need to keep an eye on her. -Okay.

Okay. We'll-- we'll keep an eye.

But we can't assume that everybody's getting seduced. You know, sometimes--

(phone rings)

-Hello, Magic Box. -Slayer.

-Spike? -Meet me at the cemetery.

Twenty minutes. Come alone.

-Spike? -(sighs)

Bloody hell. Yes, it's me.

-You're calling me on the phone? -Just be there.

Why, are you helping again?

You have a lead on this frost monster thingie?

Something like that, yeah.

Thought you might be up for a little grunt work.

What? No. No-No grunting.

I was talking shop, love, but if you got other ideas, you, me,

cozy little tomb with a view--

So, what did Captain Peroxide want?

Nothing. He just, you know, wanted to see if I--

I wanted to patrol for the-the monster.

But I-I told him that I... would not.

BUFFY: I'm telling you. I think there's something about this thing.

I don't know, Buff. It seems like we've been through every book.

Yeah, even the ones that weren't so boring you wanted to kill yourself.

We have those? I'm just saying, all the things that have happened lately--

Okay, the-- the bank robbery, the jewelry heist.

-Exploding lint. -Is it me or do these things seem really--

Lame?

Well, I was gonna go with unusual, but yeah.

I don't know. I'll do a quick patrol tonight,

and after a good night's sleep, we can solve this tomorrow.

Optimism. I remember optimism.

-That's because you're like a thousand. -Good night, guys.

Night. Night.

Slayer.

And so my night is now complete.

You never showed. Sorry. Little busy actually doing stuff.

You shouldn't be so flip, love.

What are you gonna do, walk behind me to death?

I'm just saying things might be a little different.

You ought to be careful. Enough.

Get out of my way. Or what?

(panting) Oh, the pain, the pain...

is gone.

Guess what I just found out.

Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart.

How?

Don't you get it? Don't you see?

You came back wrong.

It's a trick. You did something to the chip. It's a trick.

It's no trick. It's not me. It's you.

Just you, in fact. That's the funny part. You're the one that's changed.

That's why this doesn't hurt me.

Came back a little less human than you were.

You're wrong.

Then how come you're so spooked, love? And why can I--

do that?

You're wrong.

* What is wrong here?

* What is wrong here? *

* What is wrong with you?

* What is wrong here?

* What is wrong here? *

* Where is your head?

You know, this music isn't quite--

* Because I don't wanna be I don't wanna be alone *

* No, no, no * I don't wanna go

* I don't wanna go it alo-o-one * * Alo-o-one

* Every time I see you, I can't find the words to say *

* I just wanna turn and run away *

* I can't find the time or place *

* To say what I need to sa-a-ay *

* I just wanna run away

* I just wanna run

(chuckling) Oh, poor, little, lost girl.

She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love.

Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot.

Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire.

Where the hell do you fit in?

Your job is to kill the Slayer,

but all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes.

-I'm in love with you. -You're in love with pain.

Admit it. You like me

because you enjoy getting beat down.

So really, who's screwed up? Hello. Vampire.

I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side.

What's your excuse?

* I can't find the time and place *

* To say what I need to sa-a-ay *

* I just wanna run away

So we've kind of played this scene.

Yeah. Return.

* What is wrong with you?

* What is wrong here?

I-- I just keep thinking there's gotta be someplace, like, bigger than this.

Besides, it's way too early to go home yet.

I wasn't planning on hurting you... much.

You haven't even come close to hurting me.

Afraid to give me the chance?

You afraid I'm gonna--

(zipper unzipping)

(grunting)

(inaudible)

Grr! Arrgh!