All language subtitles for The.Wayans.Bros.S05E16_English

Hey, boys, take a look at
this
and tell me what you think?

What's that, pop?

Well, since this is
the first year

of black history month

I made a collage of all
the famous black people

that ate in my diner.

Oh, wow.

Uh, pop, if this supposed
to be for black history month

why you got a picture of
a little Puerto Rican girl?

Fool, that's Prince.

Hey, guess what?

I just heard this building
got bought by Arnold Crump.

The big real estate mogul.

- Arnold Crump?
- 'Umm-hmm.'

Oh, my God,
I just read his book,
um

"You didn't like me
when I was in high
school

but now I'm rich.
How you like me now,
biatch?

Ah, well, all I know

is I wanna make
a big impression on him.

Well, Dee, all you gotta do
is give him a hug.

You'll make two really
big impressions on him.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy
and we're singin' ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite.'

[hip hop music]

[music continues]

[hip hop music]

Move your feet, man.

[speaking Spanish]

Look, hey, hey, look, Shawn,
I know he's a millionaire

but, negro,
he ain't givin' you no money.

Crump could open up a lot
of doors for me, alright?

Oh, word, he's a locksmith too?

- Oh, shh. There he is.
- What? Oh, oh, yeah, okay.

So, this is the
Niedermeyer building, huh?

This place is filthy.

Make a note.

Fire the janitor.

Well, let me go patrol
this building again.

I guess I'm gonna have
to work through lunch

but I'm used to missing lunch.

Yeah. Especially since
you have four breakfasts.

Uh, how you doin', Mr.
Crump?
I'm Shawn Williams.

I-I'm the owner of
this
newsstand right
here.

This is all my property
right here.

Nice to meet you.

How you doin'?
Nice to meet you.

Don't worry,
I'm his brother, Marlon.

Pleasure to meet you.
What's up, baby, you alright?

Good to meet you. Represent.
Represent. Represent.

- Put it in the sky.
- Please, please stop that.

I'm just sayin'
what's up to him.

So, uh, do you, uh, carry
the "Wall Street Journal?"

[scoffs]
Does the
President
like ugly women?

We got the
"Wall Street Journal,"
boom.

We got "Fortune" magazine, boom.

We got "Better Homes
And Gardens," boom.

I read in your book that
you're raising a lot of
flowers.

So, I see you've
done
your homework.

Yeah, right. You know, I did
a little homework myself.

Bam!

"Ass" magazine.

Yeah, I read in "Playboy,"
you like freaks.

Uh, thanks,
but, uh, no
thanks.

No, no, no.

No charge.

It's on the house.

Well, that's bad
business,
giving away magazines.

Actually, I see it more as a,
an investment in our
friendship.

Very good.

You know, an
enterprising
young man like you

will be running
this building one
day.

- You really think so?
- Well, sure.

When I started out,
I was just like you.

You were black?

Man, money do change you.

No, I mean,
I had a small
business

and a lot of drive.

Uh, not to
mention
you was married

to a billionaire's daughter.

- You really did read my book.
- From cover to cover.

As a matter of fact,
it inspired me to come up

with a couple of ideas
for the lobby.

I would love to run them past
you if you ever get a moment.

Right. Uh, come up later
this afternoon to my
office.

Make a note of that.

Thank you very much.
Nice to meet you, man.

Hey, take it easy.
Keep it real.

- 'Stop it, man.'
- What?

Hey, looks like you really
impressed the old boy.

So, what's your ideas?

Well, to start.

I wanna get rid of some of this
dead weight and useless space.

Come on, Shawn. You can't
fire your baby brother.

Why don't you have a seat?

- Mr. Crump will be with you.
- Okay.

Man.

Look at this.

Whoo, baby.

Oh, this is the life.

Hey, Bob..

...get me 5000 shares
of Murray's wave grease.

Make it snappy.

And call that Puff Daddy cat.

I want him to give me a new
beat
for my answer machine.

I'm not home right now.
Leave me a message.

♪ Uh-ha uh-ha ♪

- Mr. Williams.
- Mr. Crump.

You're just the man
I was looking for.

I was, I was just,
um, making sure--

That's quite
alright,
it shows
ambition.

Sit down.
What is this, uh, great
idea?

- Uh, yeah--
- Now, no pressure.

- You've got two minutes.
- Okay, alright.

Well, um, well, as you know

um, the lobby
has a lot of useless space.

And useless space
means lost revenue.

- True, true.
- So.

I drew up this prospectus..

...that can show you how to..

...maximize the useless space
and earn profit.

Sorry 'bout the jelly stains.

I was goin' over it
during breakfast.

Well, I'll-I'll look this
over
and get back to you.

Okay, great.
Thank you very much.

- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.

Alright, take care,
ah, as a matter of fact

you know,
here's my telephone number..

...uh, just in case you wanna
get in contact with me.

That's my home phone,
my cell phone

and my pager number, okay?

Alright, take care.

Oh, oh, no, actually..

...uh, just in case
those don't work

here's my pay-phone number
in the lobby.

That's my e-mail address
and my social security number.

- 'Alright.'
- Fine, fine.

If you know some Indians, you
can always send a smoke
signal--

- Smoke signal.
- You know, never mind.

I'll pretty much, I'll get it.

- 'We'll get you.'
- Alright. Take care.

I don't wanna
get on your nerves.

Thank you. Thank you.

(Shawn)
'Bye.'

Bye-bye.

If you got a bird, you could
tie a message to its foot..

...with a rock around it.

I'm sure I'll, you know,
will shoot it down.

- 'I, I bet we can find
you.'
- Find the address.

- 'Thank you.'
- Thank you.

Yo, I wish y'all was there,
I wish y'all could've heard
me.

I had this man gassed, yo.

He was salivating over my ideas.

I knew you could do it, son.
What did you tell him?

Well, basically I told him
that the lobby..

...has a lot of useless space.

And he should put up
some readin' tables

some computers, a gift shop.

Did you tell him
about the lap dance booths?

No, I left that genius idea
up to you.

Well, Shawn, it sounds
like you two really hit it
off.

Oh, Dee, that meetin'
went mad smooth.

I'm happy. I'm happy.

(Shawn)
'Hey, Mr. Crump, how you
doin'?'

Oh, well, I'd better go patrol

the entire building again.

What's goin' on, Mr. Crump?

Shawn, just the
man
I wanted to see.

I ran your
prospectus
by my people.

They loved it
and they drew up some
plans.

- Really?
- Oh, that's just the
beginning.

From your prospectus, we came up

with a multimedia
cyber-coffee
complex.

And because it was your idea,
I want you to run it for me.

And it's true. Here,
take a look at our new
baby.

Now, see, we're gonna put
the gift shop right over
here.

And then I
thought,
uh, right in here

we'd put the-the cyber-cafe.

Maybe a little coffee
counter
up here, huh?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You like that?

And then the reading
room
up in this area.

That's, that's so smart.

Oh, my goodness.
Get out of the way, son.

Hey, uh, uh, pop!

This, this is just so exciting.

You came up with all
this yourself, son?

That's right,
fruit stripe gum
shirt.

You have a very creative son.

He's got the makings
of a fine businessman.

Oh, you know,
you don't only have

one creative son, pop,
you have two.

You know,
I had my people draw up

some retrospectives myself.

And, uh..

...voila.

Behold, lap dance land.

- Lap dance land?
- Yeah, see.

And this room,
this is the high roller room.

This is where you have
y-your high rollers

with beautiful women
for a $100 minimum.

And then you got
the broke-ass brother room.

That's where a bunch of
cockeyed girls dance for
change.

But, see, they think
they're making double.

It's so, so, beautiful.

I mean, this is beautiful.

But there's one thing I just
can't understand about this.

You know, I don't...I don't
seem
to be able to find the diner.

- That's because it's not
there.
- What?

(Shawn)
What do you mean
it's not there?

Well, Shawn, it was your idea
to get rid of useless space.

That diner is the most
useless
thing in the building.

- It's history.
- Wait, no..

[hip hop music]

[instrumental music]

I can't believe you're
tryin'
to get rid of my diner.

I'll have you know
I have been

in the Niedermeyer buildin'
for over 15 years.

Yes, I'm surprised
you lasted this
long.

You were cited for over 16

health code violations
this year.

Hey, that's pretty good, pop.
It's down from 40.

Mr. Crump, there gotta
be some kinda mistake, man.

My father's diner
is a very popular place.

- Yes, with roaches.
- Not only with the roaches.

A lot of people
call this place home.

Uh, Shawn, that's 'cause
they're homeless, brother.

Will you shut up, stupid?

Look, your lease
comes up in a
month.

With Shawn's brilliant
plan,
there's just no room

for your run-down diner
in our new improved
lobby.

I'm sorry.

Run-down? It's cutting edge!

Remember I used to give afro
wig
away with every burger, son?

Yeah. I really liked
those nappy meals, pops.

Hey, pop, man.
I-I'm really
sorry.

I mean, I had no
idea
that my plans

were gonna affect
your diner like
that.

I mean...y-you understand.

Oh, I understand, alright.

My son stabbed me in the back.

Your brother wouldn't
have done that.

That's right. I'd stab you
right in your front.

- Come on, son.
- Yeah, come on, father.

[speaking Spanish]

[speaking Spanish]

Solamente.

[hip hop music]

Mr. Crump, uh,
can I talk to you for a
second?

Sure, Shawn. I've always
got time for my new point man.

You want me to go?

Uh, no necess-ito leave-o.

I had four years of Spanish.

Uh, Mr. Crump, let me get
straight to the point.

Um..

...is there any way
that my father's diner

could stay in the lobby?

Listen, Shawn,
you are a smart businessman.

When you have something
that's dead weight

t-that's wasted space

that's no use to anybody

or anything,
what do you do with it?

Will you leave Marlon
out of this?

We're talking
about my pop's diner.

The answer is, you replace it

with something that works.

Look, Mr. Crump,
I know my father's diner

is not the trendiest place
on Earth..

...but it got me
to junior college.

Junior college.

Huh.

Did you graduate?

No, I just went to pick my
boy
junior up from college.

But it was the money from
the diner that paid for the
gas.

Mr. Crump, man, that's my pops.
I gotta stick by him.

Well, that's admirable, Shawn

but this is a great
opportunity for you.

I know, I know,
and that's why I came
up

with this new prospectus
that includes the diner

and the cyber-cafe.

Wow, this is really good work.

There's only one problem.

- What's that?
- I liked your other one
better.

This is prime
Manhattan real estate.

Look, Shawn, you have got to
get over putting your feelings

for your family
ahead of good business.

Mr. Crump, I didn't
wanna
have to go here..

...but I'm to play hardball.

If you squeeze my
father's
diner out of the lobby..

...I'm not gonna
run your
business.

Huh.

And now where am I gonna
find someone

who didn't graduate
from junior college?

You want a new job?

Si, gracias.

Sell-out.

Why would you give her a job?

She look like the lady
that killed Selena.

[instrumental music]

Have a mighty fine day.

Shh.

That Shawn ain't nothin'
but a traitor.

If I had known this was gonna
happen, I would have sold him

to that infertile couple.

Now, come on, pop,
you know, Shawn would never

do anything to
really
try and hurt you.

Besides he's up there right
now
in Mr. Crump's office

trying to
straighten
everything out.

Well, I hope so.

Pops, you don't have anything
to worry about.

But if he can't,
could I have this booth?

'Cause I need
a new dining room set.

- Hey, pops.
- Oh.

(Pops)
'What's the word, son?'

Tried to talk to him,
he wouldn't budge, man.

- Oh.
- I'm sorry.

If it makes you
feel
any better

I'm not gonna be
managing this
place.

What, now you're
out of a job?

Who am I gonna mooch off of?

Uh, don't worry
about that, pop?

I-I'll find another place
for the newsstand.

Hey, but look at the bright
side, at least you'll be
able

to spend more time with ma.

You hate me, don't you?

Well, I guess it's just
the end of an era.

What do you mean, Pops?

Earlier, this used to be
the hangout

for the musicians
and the writers

from the Harlem Renaissance.

Look at this scrapbook.

Oh! Is this Josephine Baker?

Yep, Josephine Baker
and her band used to play here

all the time
before I bought this place.

Dizzy Gillespie, Miles Davis,
Dick Gregory.

Dick Gregory?
Was he a porno star?

No, Dick Gregory
was a political comedian.

He opened the door
for Richard Pryor

who opened the door
for Eddie Murphy.

I wish they would have shut the
door before Carrot Top got in.

Who's this guy?

Willie Johnson.

- What's he famous for?
- He still owe me $5.

Anyway, when I took over,
I had a chance to meet

Maya Angelou, Muhammad Ali,
Stokely Carmichael.

Wow, pop, this place
is practically a landmark.

I can't believe you met
all these people.

Yep, I met 'em all.

But they wouldn't
take all this mess.

They fought for what
they believed in.

They wouldn't be here. They'd
be
out marchin' and protestin'.

People don't wanna
do that anymore.

Pop, we don't have to.
We got everything.

We got Def Jam, BET, Enyce.

Shoot, they even got
black Barbie dolls

with hot comb burns.

Well, this is too depressin'

I'm gonna go home
and make love to your mama.

I'll prove to
myself
I'm still a man.

Anybody's got any Dramamine?

I got some in my purse.

- You boys lock up.
- Alright, then.

You know what, Marlon?
Pops is right.

People don't fight
for anything anymore.

What you talkin' about?

You ain't been
watchin'
"Jerry Springer?"

I'm not talkin'
about pregnant transvestites.

I'm talkin' about people
fightin' for somethin'

that they believe in.

You know what?
Pops gave me an idea.

You're gonna fight Mike Tyson?

Let's just calm
down.
Keep it calm.

Keep it calm.
Keep it calm.

- Dee, Dee.
- What?

Oh, Pops, hi.

Come here.
Split the way, split the
way.

[giggles]
Hey.

What's goin' on here?

Well, pops, me and Shawn
just staged a protest.

We got all your customers,
well, the healthy ones.

The others are gettin'
their stomach pumped

from your pigeon pot pie.

Pops, Shawn said to jot down
it was too important

to our people to be destroyed.
Isn't that wonderful?

- Step back! Step back!
- Come on!

Don't crowd on me.
Don't crowd on me.

- So where is Shawn?
- Oh, I don't know.

He told me to stall everybody
until he got here.

Marlon, aren't you supposed
to be bringin' some
activists?

Hey, hold on, um...coco leche,
I tried.

I tried Al Sharpton.

He was busy gettin'
his hair relaxed.

That's gonna take five hours.
Then he said he gotta eat.

You know, that's gonna take
another five hours.

Then I tried
the Black Panthers.

But it's kinda hard
to catch a cab like this.

Taxi! Taxi!

- Come on, stop alright.
- Here they come.

What is this? What is this?
What's going on here?

[indistinct arguing]

Start knockin' that diner down.

Dee, you gotta
do somethin'
now.

Uh, uh, Mr. Crump..

...I have to take a moment

to give you
my inspection report.

I inspected the toilets.

I changed the
cakes
on the toilet
stools.

I inspected the,
uh..
You know the, uh--

- Good. Good. Good.
- Okay. Uh-huh.

Now just stand back
or you're fired.

Now, Pops, I can't lose no
job.
I can't lose it.

I'm sorry, I can't.

Oh, come on, Mr. Crump.

Let's talk man to man.

I'm not a millionaire like you.

But that diner was my dream.

I worked my hands
to the bones to make it
work.

You gotta be compassionate.

Well, how would you like
it
if it happened to your
father?

It did. I evicted him last
year.
He got over it.

[crowd sulking]

Well, only have
one thing left to
do.

Break my foot up in your ass.

No, no!

- No, no, Pops, don't go
there.
- Get him, pops.

Marlon!
Marlon, do somethin'. Go.

Alright, back up! Back up!

Back Up!
Nobody touchin' this diner.

I said back up, man.
Back up.

It's loaded, it's loaded.

I will ketchup her to death.

I got a list of demands.

I wanna, I wanna,
I wanna case of hot sauce.

The good kind, Louisiana.

Don't you get me that tobasco
that white people use.

'They ain't got no flavor.'

I want, I want Master P

to stop makin' 'em
damn movies, you hear me?

You tell 'em,
you tell 'em I said..

I wanna know..

...how much is
twelve times six?

Okay, I wanna know..

...who killed
Jane F Kennedy? Huh?

Okay, and I want Chris Rock..

...to stop doin'
that damn "Pootie Tang."

I want them to stop
bombin' the Mexicans in Iraq.

- Fool, let her go.
- Okay.

Sorry, pop, I tried.

I'm sorry, son.
You did your
best.

I'm sorry, everybody,
I guess your kids will never
see

where Langston Hughes
wrote his first poem.

Oh, no, that's a dream..

This is the end.

Goodbye, diner.

[crying]
Goodbye, diner.
I don't wanna let you go,
diner.

It's okay. It's okay.

Diner!

Diner. Diner.

Look, you gonna, come
on.
Oh, oh..

- Now, you'll pay for it.
- I'm sorry, pop.

Let's go.
Let's get on with it.

Don't look, don't look.

(Shawn)
'Stop!'

Stop right there, John Goodman.

This document proclaims

Pops diner, an official landmark

based on its
historical
significance

to the city of New York.

What, let me see that.

That's fancy white talk for..

...peace out.

[crowd cheering]

Shawn, you're are a sab.

I thought you were
a good business man.

He is a good business man.

- But he's a better son.
- That's my dad.

Well, there's nothing else
I can do.

Let's go demolish
that senior citizen's home.

(Dee)
Oh, yeah!

[crowd cheering]

Call me sometime.

And don't forget the ketchup.

Bye my little hostage.

Everybody, free food

at pops diner.

Hell, no, ain't no
free food at my diner.

You trying to run me
out of business in here.

Hey, yo, wait a minute..

Oh, you know, actually..

...um, just in case
those don't work

here's my pay-phone number
in the lobby.

That's my email address
and my social security number.

- Alright?
- Fine. Fine.

Oh, I got one more number
for you.

And that is my favorite
Broadway number.

[scatting]

Just joking.

Little corporate joke.

(Shawn)
Look up, Marlon. Say cheese.