Original subtitles

Hey, boys, take a look at this and tell me what you think?

What's that, pop?

Well, since this is the first year

of black history month

I made a collage of all the famous black people

that ate in my diner.

Oh, wow.

Uh, pop, if this supposed to be for black history month

why you got a picture of a little Puerto Rican girl?

Fool, that's Prince.

Hey, guess what?

I just heard this building got bought by Arnold Crump.

The big real estate mogul.

- Arnold Crump? - 'Umm-hmm.'

Oh, my God, I just read his book, um

"You didn't like me when I was in high school

but now I'm rich. How you like me now, biatch?

Ah, well, all I know

is I wanna make a big impression on him.

Well, Dee, all you gotta do is give him a hug.

You'll make two really big impressions on him.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite.'

[hip hop music]

[music continues]

[hip hop music]

Move your feet, man.

[speaking Spanish]

Look, hey, hey, look, Shawn, I know he's a millionaire

but, negro, he ain't givin' you no money.

Crump could open up a lot of doors for me, alright?

Oh, word, he's a locksmith too?

- Oh, shh. There he is. - What? Oh, oh, yeah, okay.

So, this is the Niedermeyer building, huh?

This place is filthy.

Make a note.

Fire the janitor.

Well, let me go patrol this building again.

I guess I'm gonna have to work through lunch

but I'm used to missing lunch.

Yeah. Especially since you have four breakfasts.

Uh, how you doin', Mr. Crump? I'm Shawn Williams.

I-I'm the owner of this newsstand right here.

This is all my property right here.

Nice to meet you.

How you doin'? Nice to meet you.

Don't worry, I'm his brother, Marlon.

Pleasure to meet you. What's up, baby, you alright?

Good to meet you. Represent. Represent. Represent.

- Put it in the sky. - Please, please stop that.

I'm just sayin' what's up to him.

So, uh, do you, uh, carry the "Wall Street Journal?"

[scoffs] Does the President like ugly women?

We got the "Wall Street Journal," boom.

We got "Fortune" magazine, boom.

We got "Better Homes And Gardens," boom.

I read in your book that you're raising a lot of flowers.

So, I see you've done your homework.

Yeah, right. You know, I did a little homework myself.

Bam!

"Ass" magazine.

Yeah, I read in "Playboy," you like freaks.

Uh, thanks, but, uh, no thanks.

No, no, no.

No charge.

It's on the house.

Well, that's bad business, giving away magazines.

Actually, I see it more as a, an investment in our friendship.

Very good.

You know, an enterprising young man like you

will be running this building one day.

- You really think so? - Well, sure.

When I started out, I was just like you.

You were black?

Man, money do change you.

No, I mean, I had a small business

and a lot of drive.

Uh, not to mention you was married

to a billionaire's daughter.

- You really did read my book. - From cover to cover.

As a matter of fact, it inspired me to come up

with a couple of ideas for the lobby.

I would love to run them past you if you ever get a moment.

Right. Uh, come up later this afternoon to my office.

Make a note of that.

Thank you very much. Nice to meet you, man.

Hey, take it easy. Keep it real.

- 'Stop it, man.' - What?

Hey, looks like you really impressed the old boy.

So, what's your ideas?

Well, to start.

I wanna get rid of some of this dead weight and useless space.

Come on, Shawn. You can't fire your baby brother.

Why don't you have a seat?

- Mr. Crump will be with you. - Okay.

Man.

Look at this.

Whoo, baby.

Oh, this is the life.

Hey, Bob..

...get me 5000 shares of Murray's wave grease.

Make it snappy.

And call that Puff Daddy cat.

I want him to give me a new beat for my answer machine.

I'm not home right now. Leave me a message.

♪ Uh-ha uh-ha ♪

- Mr. Williams. - Mr. Crump.

You're just the man I was looking for.

I was, I was just, um, making sure--

That's quite alright, it shows ambition.

Sit down. What is this, uh, great idea?

- Uh, yeah-- - Now, no pressure.

- You've got two minutes. - Okay, alright.

Well, um, well, as you know

um, the lobby has a lot of useless space.

And useless space means lost revenue.

- True, true. - So.

I drew up this prospectus..

...that can show you how to..

...maximize the useless space and earn profit.

Sorry 'bout the jelly stains.

I was goin' over it during breakfast.

Well, I'll-I'll look this over and get back to you.

Okay, great. Thank you very much.

- Thank you so much. - You're welcome.

Alright, take care, ah, as a matter of fact

you know, here's my telephone number..

...uh, just in case you wanna get in contact with me.

That's my home phone, my cell phone

and my pager number, okay?

Alright, take care.

Oh, oh, no, actually..

...uh, just in case those don't work

here's my pay-phone number in the lobby.

That's my e-mail address and my social security number.

- 'Alright.' - Fine, fine.

If you know some Indians, you can always send a smoke signal--

- Smoke signal. - You know, never mind.

I'll pretty much, I'll get it.

- 'We'll get you.' - Alright. Take care.

I don't wanna get on your nerves.

Thank you. Thank you.

(Shawn) 'Bye.'

Bye-bye.

If you got a bird, you could tie a message to its foot..

...with a rock around it.

I'm sure I'll, you know, will shoot it down.

- 'I, I bet we can find you.' - Find the address.

- 'Thank you.' - Thank you.

Yo, I wish y'all was there, I wish y'all could've heard me.

I had this man gassed, yo.

He was salivating over my ideas.

I knew you could do it, son. What did you tell him?

Well, basically I told him that the lobby..

...has a lot of useless space.

And he should put up some readin' tables

some computers, a gift shop.

Did you tell him about the lap dance booths?

No, I left that genius idea up to you.

Well, Shawn, it sounds like you two really hit it off.

Oh, Dee, that meetin' went mad smooth.

I'm happy. I'm happy.

(Shawn) 'Hey, Mr. Crump, how you doin'?'

Oh, well, I'd better go patrol

the entire building again.

What's goin' on, Mr. Crump?

Shawn, just the man I wanted to see.

I ran your prospectus by my people.

They loved it and they drew up some plans.

- Really? - Oh, that's just the beginning.

From your prospectus, we came up

with a multimedia cyber-coffee complex.

And because it was your idea, I want you to run it for me.

And it's true. Here, take a look at our new baby.

Now, see, we're gonna put the gift shop right over here.

And then I thought, uh, right in here

we'd put the-the cyber-cafe.

Maybe a little coffee counter up here, huh?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You like that?

And then the reading room up in this area.

That's, that's so smart.

Oh, my goodness. Get out of the way, son.

Hey, uh, uh, pop!

This, this is just so exciting.

You came up with all this yourself, son?

That's right, fruit stripe gum shirt.

You have a very creative son.

He's got the makings of a fine businessman.

Oh, you know, you don't only have

one creative son, pop, you have two.

You know, I had my people draw up

some retrospectives myself.

And, uh..

...voila.

Behold, lap dance land.

- Lap dance land? - Yeah, see.

And this room, this is the high roller room.

This is where you have y-your high rollers

with beautiful women for a $100 minimum.

And then you got the broke-ass brother room.

That's where a bunch of cockeyed girls dance for change.

But, see, they think they're making double.

It's so, so, beautiful.

I mean, this is beautiful.

But there's one thing I just can't understand about this.

You know, I don't...I don't seem to be able to find the diner.

- That's because it's not there. - What?

(Shawn) What do you mean it's not there?

Well, Shawn, it was your idea to get rid of useless space.

That diner is the most useless thing in the building.

- It's history. - Wait, no..

[hip hop music]

[instrumental music]

I can't believe you're tryin' to get rid of my diner.

I'll have you know I have been

in the Niedermeyer buildin' for over 15 years.

Yes, I'm surprised you lasted this long.

You were cited for over 16

health code violations this year.

Hey, that's pretty good, pop. It's down from 40.

Mr. Crump, there gotta be some kinda mistake, man.

My father's diner is a very popular place.

- Yes, with roaches. - Not only with the roaches.

A lot of people call this place home.

Uh, Shawn, that's 'cause they're homeless, brother.

Will you shut up, stupid?

Look, your lease comes up in a month.

With Shawn's brilliant plan, there's just no room

for your run-down diner in our new improved lobby.

I'm sorry.

Run-down? It's cutting edge!

Remember I used to give afro wig away with every burger, son?

Yeah. I really liked those nappy meals, pops.

Hey, pop, man. I-I'm really sorry.

I mean, I had no idea that my plans

were gonna affect your diner like that.

I mean...y-you understand.

Oh, I understand, alright.

My son stabbed me in the back.

Your brother wouldn't have done that.

That's right. I'd stab you right in your front.

- Come on, son. - Yeah, come on, father.

[speaking Spanish]

[speaking Spanish]

Solamente.

[hip hop music]

Mr. Crump, uh, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure, Shawn. I've always got time for my new point man.

You want me to go?

Uh, no necess-ito leave-o.

I had four years of Spanish.

Uh, Mr. Crump, let me get straight to the point.

Um..

...is there any way that my father's diner

could stay in the lobby?

Listen, Shawn, you are a smart businessman.

When you have something that's dead weight

t-that's wasted space

that's no use to anybody

or anything, what do you do with it?

Will you leave Marlon out of this?

We're talking about my pop's diner.

The answer is, you replace it

with something that works.

Look, Mr. Crump, I know my father's diner

is not the trendiest place on Earth..

...but it got me to junior college.

Junior college.

Huh.

Did you graduate?

No, I just went to pick my boy junior up from college.

But it was the money from the diner that paid for the gas.

Mr. Crump, man, that's my pops. I gotta stick by him.

Well, that's admirable, Shawn

but this is a great opportunity for you.

I know, I know, and that's why I came up

with this new prospectus that includes the diner

and the cyber-cafe.

Wow, this is really good work.

There's only one problem.

- What's that? - I liked your other one better.

This is prime Manhattan real estate.

Look, Shawn, you have got to get over putting your feelings

for your family ahead of good business.

Mr. Crump, I didn't wanna have to go here..

...but I'm to play hardball.

If you squeeze my father's diner out of the lobby..

...I'm not gonna run your business.

Huh.

And now where am I gonna find someone

who didn't graduate from junior college?

You want a new job?

Si, gracias.

Sell-out.

Why would you give her a job?

She look like the lady that killed Selena.

[instrumental music]

Have a mighty fine day.

Shh.

That Shawn ain't nothin' but a traitor.

If I had known this was gonna happen, I would have sold him

to that infertile couple.

Now, come on, pop, you know, Shawn would never

do anything to really try and hurt you.

Besides he's up there right now in Mr. Crump's office

trying to straighten everything out.

Well, I hope so.

Pops, you don't have anything to worry about.

But if he can't, could I have this booth?

'Cause I need a new dining room set.

- Hey, pops. - Oh.

(Pops) 'What's the word, son?'

Tried to talk to him, he wouldn't budge, man.

- Oh. - I'm sorry.

If it makes you feel any better

I'm not gonna be managing this place.

What, now you're out of a job?

Who am I gonna mooch off of?

Uh, don't worry about that, pop?

I-I'll find another place for the newsstand.

Hey, but look at the bright side, at least you'll be able

to spend more time with ma.

You hate me, don't you?

Well, I guess it's just the end of an era.

What do you mean, Pops?

Earlier, this used to be the hangout

for the musicians and the writers

from the Harlem Renaissance.

Look at this scrapbook.

Oh! Is this Josephine Baker?

Yep, Josephine Baker and her band used to play here

all the time before I bought this place.

Dizzy Gillespie, Miles Davis, Dick Gregory.

Dick Gregory? Was he a porno star?

No, Dick Gregory was a political comedian.

He opened the door for Richard Pryor

who opened the door for Eddie Murphy.

I wish they would have shut the door before Carrot Top got in.

Who's this guy?

Willie Johnson.

- What's he famous for? - He still owe me $5.

Anyway, when I took over, I had a chance to meet

Maya Angelou, Muhammad Ali, Stokely Carmichael.

Wow, pop, this place is practically a landmark.

I can't believe you met all these people.

Yep, I met 'em all.

But they wouldn't take all this mess.

They fought for what they believed in.

They wouldn't be here. They'd be out marchin' and protestin'.

People don't wanna do that anymore.

Pop, we don't have to. We got everything.

We got Def Jam, BET, Enyce.

Shoot, they even got black Barbie dolls

with hot comb burns.

Well, this is too depressin'

I'm gonna go home and make love to your mama.

I'll prove to myself I'm still a man.

Anybody's got any Dramamine?

I got some in my purse.

- You boys lock up. - Alright, then.

You know what, Marlon? Pops is right.

People don't fight for anything anymore.

What you talkin' about?

You ain't been watchin' "Jerry Springer?"

I'm not talkin' about pregnant transvestites.

I'm talkin' about people fightin' for somethin'

that they believe in.

You know what? Pops gave me an idea.

You're gonna fight Mike Tyson?

Let's just calm down. Keep it calm.

Keep it calm. Keep it calm.

- Dee, Dee. - What?

Oh, Pops, hi.

Come here. Split the way, split the way.

[giggles] Hey.

What's goin' on here?

Well, pops, me and Shawn just staged a protest.

We got all your customers, well, the healthy ones.

The others are gettin' their stomach pumped

from your pigeon pot pie.

Pops, Shawn said to jot down it was too important

to our people to be destroyed. Isn't that wonderful?

- Step back! Step back! - Come on!

Don't crowd on me. Don't crowd on me.

- So where is Shawn? - Oh, I don't know.

He told me to stall everybody until he got here.

Marlon, aren't you supposed to be bringin' some activists?

Hey, hold on, um...coco leche, I tried.

I tried Al Sharpton.

He was busy gettin' his hair relaxed.

That's gonna take five hours. Then he said he gotta eat.

You know, that's gonna take another five hours.

Then I tried the Black Panthers.

But it's kinda hard to catch a cab like this.

Taxi! Taxi!

- Come on, stop alright. - Here they come.

What is this? What is this? What's going on here?

[indistinct arguing]

Start knockin' that diner down.

Dee, you gotta do somethin' now.

Uh, uh, Mr. Crump..

...I have to take a moment

to give you my inspection report.

I inspected the toilets.

I changed the cakes on the toilet stools.

I inspected the, uh.. You know the, uh--

- Good. Good. Good. - Okay. Uh-huh.

Now just stand back or you're fired.

Now, Pops, I can't lose no job. I can't lose it.

I'm sorry, I can't.

Oh, come on, Mr. Crump.

Let's talk man to man.

I'm not a millionaire like you.

But that diner was my dream.

I worked my hands to the bones to make it work.

You gotta be compassionate.

Well, how would you like it if it happened to your father?

It did. I evicted him last year. He got over it.

[crowd sulking]

Well, only have one thing left to do.

Break my foot up in your ass.

No, no!

- No, no, Pops, don't go there. - Get him, pops.

Marlon! Marlon, do somethin'. Go.

Alright, back up! Back up!

Back Up! Nobody touchin' this diner.

I said back up, man. Back up.

It's loaded, it's loaded.

I will ketchup her to death.

I got a list of demands.

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna case of hot sauce.

The good kind, Louisiana.

Don't you get me that tobasco that white people use.

'They ain't got no flavor.'

I want, I want Master P

to stop makin' 'em damn movies, you hear me?

You tell 'em, you tell 'em I said..

I wanna know..

...how much is twelve times six?

Okay, I wanna know..

...who killed Jane F Kennedy? Huh?

Okay, and I want Chris Rock..

...to stop doin' that damn "Pootie Tang."

I want them to stop bombin' the Mexicans in Iraq.

- Fool, let her go. - Okay.

Sorry, pop, I tried.

I'm sorry, son. You did your best.

I'm sorry, everybody, I guess your kids will never see

where Langston Hughes wrote his first poem.

Oh, no, that's a dream..

This is the end.

Goodbye, diner.

[crying] Goodbye, diner. I don't wanna let you go, diner.

It's okay. It's okay.

Diner!

Diner. Diner.

Look, you gonna, come on. Oh, oh..

- Now, you'll pay for it. - I'm sorry, pop.

Let's go. Let's get on with it.

Don't look, don't look.

(Shawn) 'Stop!'

Stop right there, John Goodman.

This document proclaims

Pops diner, an official landmark

based on its historical significance

to the city of New York.

What, let me see that.

That's fancy white talk for..

...peace out.

[crowd cheering]

Shawn, you're are a sab.

I thought you were a good business man.

He is a good business man.

- But he's a better son. - That's my dad.

Well, there's nothing else I can do.

Let's go demolish that senior citizen's home.

(Dee) Oh, yeah!

[crowd cheering]

Call me sometime.

And don't forget the ketchup.

Bye my little hostage.

Everybody, free food

at pops diner.

Hell, no, ain't no free food at my diner.

You trying to run me out of business in here.

Hey, yo, wait a minute..

Oh, you know, actually..

...um, just in case those don't work

here's my pay-phone number in the lobby.

That's my email address and my social security number.

- Alright? - Fine. Fine.

Oh, I got one more number for you.

And that is my favorite Broadway number.

[scatting]

Just joking.

Little corporate joke.

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon. Say cheese.