Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[humming]

Hey, boys, somebody just left me three tickets

for tonight's hockey game.

- You wanna go? - Nah, pop.

You know brothers don't go to no hockey game.

Why not?

Let me put to you like this.

A bunch of drunk white dude with sticks..

...swingin' at a black puck.

[chuckles]

- Oh. - No, thank you.

What about you, Marlon? You wanna go?

Uh, sorry, vomit shirt.

Can't make it, I got a acting seminar tonight.

What seminar?

It's for the, uh..

...Infinite Fellowship Institute.

Oh, yeah, Shawn, you have one of their donation cans around here.

- Oh, yeah. - No, no, no.

This can is for the United Negro Fund. Whoo!

Hey! Hey, man, what are you doing?

What? I'm a Negro.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, Dee, check out the pamphlet.

Oh, "Join us for a five part program

that guarantees to bring out your best performance."

- 'Oh.' - Ohh, best performance?

Ooh! I remember my best performance.

Christmas of '82.

Me and your mama... 48 times in one night.

Bang bang bang!

Bang bang bang bang bang bang!

Hey, hey, hey. Come on, Pop stop!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey.

I think I remember that year.

Yeah, that was the Christmas the whole house

smelled like smoked salmon.

(Dee) Oh.

Nasty, man.

And Pop, I'm talking about

acting, alright?

Well after the 37th time

I was doing a little acting myself.

Bang bang bang..

I'm just ready to prove y'all here

that I can be a serious actor.

Marlon, can I give you some advice?

Stick to what you know, okay?

You don't see Pop giving fashion tips.

Hey, look here, it'd just be nice to get

a little bit of support from my family, alright?

Well, son, we don't want you get bamboozled.

Bamboozled? I don't even drink!

Hey, hey, no, he means

he doesn't want anybody to take advantage of you.

Take advantage of me? Who told you that?

Leroy and 'em?

Nah, see, that was a camping trip.

They put something in my milk, Dee.

D-don't tell..

- Keep that story. - Excuse me.

Ain't nobody gonna take advantage of me.

Uh, sir, can I have change for this 20?

Oh, sure. How would you like that?

Oh, three tens and a five.

Three tens and a five. There you go, brother.

- Thanks, homie. - Alright.

- Three tens and a five. Hey! - Hey, man. come back here!

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys.'

'Dynamite.'

[instrumental music]

Focus.

Focus. Focus.

How can we not focus with them big ass words

written on the board?

When we learn to focus our brain waves

we get in touch with our auras.

Aura what?

We learn to focus.

We learn to be in touch with our inner selves.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second.

How all this is gonna help my acting?

Well, what's your biggest problem as an actor?

All the ladies trying to rip my clothes off and see my loins.

We can't help you if you're not going to tell the truth.

I just have a hard times remembering my lines.

Ah-ha, this is a common problem

for many thespians.

And straight people too.

Let's not disseminate over here.

See here.

Read Joseph, the Butlers lines to yourself.

Cool.

Now, close the script.

Recite from memory what you've read.

Page 1.

Go ahead.

That's it. Page 1.

Oh.

Okay.

Read the lines again.

'This time..'

...focus...on the words.

'Become one with...the page.'

'Picture yourself saying this.'

Focus on the words.

'Control your breathing.'

[inhale and exhales]

Now, close the script.

Recite Joseph, the Butlers lines.

I didn't mean to kill Miss Willis.

I didn't mean to kill Miss Willis.

I swear, I didn't kill Miss Willis.

It wasn't me.

I worked for that woman for 25 years.

Yes.

She hired me when no one else would.

- Right. - Not even Ms. Daisy to hire me.

No.

- She was good to me. - Oh.

She only beat me four times a day.

Ohh.

I picked.. I picked the corn..

...I picked the cotton

and I picked the toe jam outta her feet.

She even got me first class tickets on the Amistad boat.

I'm innocent..

[applause]

[instrumental music]

Peace and blessings to you

and the tacky one.

Yo, what's going on?

Oh, nothing. Just cleaned up a little bit.

Cleaned and waxed the floors

and then I vacuumed.

I don't know if the folk up North

done told you this but..

...we is free now.

Yeah, son, what's with all the cleaning?

You trying to cover up something?

No, Mrs. Bliss just said that a cluttered home

leads to a cluttered mind.

I don't think you happen to think to worry about

your mind being cluttered, son.

There's a lot of space up there.

[microwave dings]

Hey, boy, I hope you ain't drying your drawers

in the microwave again.

Nope, I made you guys dinner.

(Pops) Hey. Alright, well.

Here you go.

- What's in it? - What's in it, son?

Oh, just some long grain rice.

Some cracked wheat and some tofu.

Hm-mm.

[munching]

Mmm.

Not bad. Tastes like chicken.

When did you start eating healthy?

Well, ever since Mrs. Bliss said

"Your mind and your body is your temple.

And you are what you eat."

Yeah? If that's the case, then you're a six foot booger.

Sick in here, y'all!

Ha ha ha.

I'm telling you right now, you can laugh all you want

but I learned more last week in that seminar

than I did in all six of my years at high school.

Well, son, this seminar has seemed to help you

getting your life in order.

You're cooking, you're cleaning..

I wanna sign your mama up.

Pop, do you know Mrs. Bliss said that

I'm the best dramatic actor in the class?

Oh, Marlon, those people would tell you anything

to get your loot, they're like preachers.

Don't listen to your brother.

You're a good actor.

Now, loan me $5. He he he.

Hey, yo, Pop, have you heard from Marlon?

He was supposed to be back last night.

No, what's the matter, son. You worried?

Yeah, man.

The last time he was missing, we found him dehydrated

in the 25 cent movie booth.

Well, I wouldn't worry, son.

The seminar has done nothing but good for him.

- 'Mm-hm.' - He's more responsible lately.

- 'I don't know, Pop.' - 'Yeah.'

I got a parcel for S. Williams.

Hey, ain't that Webster?

No, Pop, that's Gary Coleman.

And watch what you call him. You might get punched in your eye.

Punch me in my eye?

I'll put him on my knee and give him a different stroke.

Shh. Hey, hey. What's up, Garry, man?

Hey, what are you doing delivering packages, man?

Hey, brothers got to pay the bills.

Oh, I hear that.

Hey, besides I'm just doing this till my agent calls.

- 'Oh' - 'Ohh.'

- Oh, is that your agent? - No, that's my other job.

I'm the bouncer at the daycare camp.

- Whoa! - Here's your package.

- Whoa! - Sign here.

Alright, bro. Do your thing, man.

- You're doing alright. - Alright, thank you.

- Alright, man. - Yeah.

- Take care man. Peace. - See you.

Alright.

Yo, I hope this is that, uh

"When Animals Attack" video, man.

I can't wait to see that white dude

get stomped by them Elks.

[giggling]

Alright. Alright. Okay.

- Okay, let's see. Alright. - Yeah.

Peace and blessings.

I'm the actor formerly known as Marlon.

But now, I go by the name of..

...Ecstasy.

What?

That's right, you heard me, Ecstasy.

I won't be returning to your greedy and selfish ways of life.

For I have found peace, tranquility and lots of pudding

here with my new family.

A family that believes in me.

Oh, my goodness.

Goodness is gracious, oh big, brown breasted one.

I'm at 51 North Bingham Drive.

It's secret location, so please don't try to find me.

I will be here until the comet comes to pick us up.

Can I blink now?

Hey, Marlon's acting has gotten better.

He must be up for a part on Star Trek.

No, Pop, Marlon just joined a cult.

[instrumental music]

Man, this is all my fault.

I mean, all because I didn't believe I him

he joined a cult.

Don't blame yourself, son.

Yeah, but I called him stupid, pop, and I laughed at him.

Well, maybe it is your fault.

Let's call the cops and get him out of there.

Well, the police can't do anything unless

they are forcing him to stay there against his will.

Well, I tell you one thing, I saw this movie about

a cop one time with Pam Weir.

Man, she had a honey blonde afro wig on about that big.

Uh-huh.

And she had a jacket on, she tore it off

and she started dancing, grabbed her brassiere

threw it into the woods and she was..

[babbling]

- You finished? - 'Yeah.'

What's the point?

The point is, as long as he stays in there

the harder it is to bring him out of there.

- 'Mm.' - I'm going to get my brother.

Oh, and I'm gonna go with you. Come on, Dee.

Let's go kick some cult ass.

[sitar music]

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa..

It is now time to collect the sacred offerings.

Ah, the keys to your Lexus. Good choice, brother.

Oh, what have we.. A Rolex, lovely.

And what does our newest member have to offer?

Sister, I already gave you all my worldly possessions.

I gave you my paycheck, my booty magazines

and my Scooby Doo lunch box.

Can I have my Shaggy thermos back?

- No. - Zoinks.

What's that on your finger, chief?

Oh, uh, this is given to me by

my great, great, great grand father.

Oh.

Yes, it seems a bit flawed but...it will do nicely.

- Resume your prayers. - Yes, yes, sister.

Come, come, children, it's time to detail the sacred Lexus.

Look, I can't believe they're praying to a dead dog.

I can't believe he gave away our family heirloom.

I should've never sold it to him.

[whispering ] Marlon.

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.

Ecstasy.

Mama say something?

He thinks the stuffed dog

with orange turban just spoke to him.

That gives me an idea.

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.

'Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.'

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.

-Ma ma se, ma ma sa-- - Ecstasy.

Stand up, my child.

Yes, mama.

Am I the chosen one?

Yes.

- Am I the golden child? - 'Yes.'

Am I the leader of the divine--

- Oh, shut up, stupid. - Yes, mama.

- Listen to what I'm saying. - Yes, mama.

It is time to go, young grasshopper.

You mean, the comet has come to take us away?

Yes. We double parked outside.

Now, let's go before the cops put a boot on it.

Wait, mama, I gotta go get my black baggies.

No, no, no, there's no time for that.

- Enough! - Ohh!

Remove these disbelievers!

We ain't going anywhere without Marlon.

My name is not Marlon.

It's Ecstasy, and I'm not going anywhere.

That's right.

Fool, your name is Marlon just like that

ugly Jackson boy that nobody remembers.

Don't make me take off my rope!

No, no, no, wait, Pop. Chill, man.

Remember you ain't got no drawers on.

- Oh, I don't care. - Sir.

Violence is not the answer.

- I'll tear your behind up too. - Oh.

You must go through me first.

What is it about white girls

that make brothers lose their mind?

Marlon, how did they get you like this?

Did they use drugs?

Oh, no.

You got my son on the pipe?

Didn't you look at the commercial, son?

Just say no.

We don't use drugs, sir..

...or alcohol.

I'll have you to know, young lady, I have..

...rum-flavored tic-tacs in my mouth.

Well, be that as it may

Brother Ecstasy is free to leave whenever he likes.

Well, he wants to go now.

- Come on. - No, I don't.

Marlon, don't make me pull you by this little bang.

- Now, come on. - I said, I do not wanna go.

- Ah. - I know what's best for me.

Hey, you said the same thing when you tried to use

Vicks VapoRub as a lubricant.

Oh, it gave me such a fresh tingly sensation.

It was like a York Peppermint Pattie.

Now, if I prove to you all

that this place is good for my mind

body and soul..

...will you then leave?

And how do you plan on doing that?

A test.

Me, against the three of you.

Perfect.

Hey, there's nothing that you could do that we can't.

A test? Get the pencils and papers out, brother. Let's go.

The first test is of physical tolerance.

You must walk across these hot coals.

Are you crazy?

These shoes cost me $7, each.

This test is done without your shoes.

Well, that's, that's better.

- Yeah. - I think.

Brother Ecstasy, would you like to go first?

Yes, Sister Bliss.

Marlon, stop!

- You're gonna get hurt. - No, he won't, Dee.

I've seen the special on National Geographic once.

They had a bunch of naked bush women doing it.

Do they burn their feet?

I wasn't looking at their feet.

Brother Ecstasy, are you ready?

Yes, mistress, I am.

[Dee gasping]

You're right. Those must be fake coal.

[cheering and applause]

Now, which one of you three is brave enough to attempt this?

Phew. If that fool can do it.

- I know, I can do it.. - Yeah, good, Pop.

Give me the shoe. Give me the shoe.

I don't want anybody stealing my shoes.

Go on! You can do it. Go on! Go on!

This ain't nothin'.

Oh, for heaven sake..

Just say "Go".

- Say, "Go." - Go!

You want some hot coal? I've got nails in my feet.

I use to barbe.. I've been barbecuing

for the last 50 years.

I know about some hot coals.

[Indian classical music]

Somebody smell popcorn?

[babbling]

(Shawn) 'You can make it, Pop. Come on.'

[screaming]

- Get away from me! - Ahh!

Yo, man, why is your toe nail shaped so weird?

It look like five Christmas lights.

The next test is of mental dexterity.

Mental dexterity?

Speak English.

Uh, I think I'm gonna take this test, pop.

What's up?

You must find the square root

of this number.

First one to get the correct answer wins. Ready? Go!

No problem, uh..

Nine times two carry..

- I'm finished, mistress. - Brilliant!

[applause]

I was, I was gonna put the same thing

but my-my chalk ran out of ink.

Are you ready to give up?

No, as a matter of fact, I'm not.

I got my own little test.

Watch this, Pop.

Let's fight.

Come on. What's up?

- What's up? - I'm sorry.

We do not practice fighting here.

Only peace and tranquility.

[chuckles] Sounds like a little biyatch move to me.

Hoo!

Mistress...may I?

Well, just this once.

Kick his ass!

Come on, you gay milk dud, what's up?

What's up? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Whoo.. - Whoo! Oh, whoo.

- Whoo-o-o! - I'll go Billy Blanks?

[screaming]

Hyah, hyah, hyah! Hyah-hyah!

[screaming]

Never mind, Dee.

I ain't never messing with that angry eggplant.

You go ahead. Your turn.

What am I suppose to do?

I hope it's a pie eating contest.

The final test is of agility.

- Damn. - Yeah.

You must demonstrate the divine position.

Now, what's that?

This.

Oh.

If I could do that I'd never leave the house.

[applause]

Looks like Brother Ecstasy wins again.

Now that I've proven to you that I do belong here..

Can you three please leave?

Thank you.

I'm really gonna miss you, Marlon.

I mean, Ecstasy.

Peace and blessings.

Peace and blessings to you and yours.

Peace and blessings.

I'm gonna miss you too, son.

You call home, but not too late, okay?

Yes, sir. Peace and blessings to you and your white shoes.

May you get Griffin polish so they always shine brightly.

Peace and blessings, yes.

Peace and blessings, yes.

Well, kid, I guess this is your new home now.

Yes, that's right.

Hey, look, man..

...I just wanna let you know, it's not that

I didn't believe in you, it's just..

...I just didn't want you to stop being my funny

little brother, that's all.

I know.

Peace and blessings to you and your goatee.

Yes.

[bell dings]

Hey, lunch time.

- Let's eat. - No, no.

That's time for prayer.

Come on, let's go, y'all.

This is, this is his new family now.

Yeah.

I guess we'll see you on holidays huh, Marlon?

Well, actually

once he becomes a divine deacon

there is not interaction with outsiders.

Sister Bliss, not even on holidays?

Oh, we don't believe in holidays.

No Christmas. No Thanksgiving. No birthdays.

What about Vale-Valentine's day?

Oh, there will be no need for physical love

once your ceremonial castration takes place.

Castration? Wait, wait, wait hold on.

First, you take my ring, now you're gonna try

to take my jewels? Oh, hell, no, man.

Give my damn ring back. I'm outta here.

I'm sorry, all donations are non-refundable.

Hey, look, you freaks! The comet's here.

- The comet! - The comet. I got shotgun.

- I have shotgun.. - Not you, stupid.

Get your ring back. Go, get your ring. Yeah, get the ring.

- Get the ring. - Let's go, let's go.

- Get the ring. Get the ring. - 'Let's go. Let's go.'

'Get the dog. Ah, get the dog. Get the dog.'

[instrumental music]

[panting]

(Shawn) 'Come on, Pop, hurry up.'