Original subtitles

We are live at the Niedermeyer building

where we're waiting to see if the charges

of improper use of campaign funds

will deter city councilman Ted McKay

from seeking a fourth term.

..eh, girl.

you forgot your eyelashes, your green contacts

and your baby over my house.

Come get 'em girl.

Hey, uh, excuse me, please, lookie here.

Kesha, you left your house arrest bracelet

at the crib, okay.

Please, please, come by pick it up.

And look, you said, you-you better bring back my VCR.

You did say "Borrow," girl.

- Yo, yo.. Come on.. - Hey, what's up!

[indistinct chattering]

Yo, y'all better call, brother.

- Yo, come here to Williams'. - Follow me.

- Yo, give me a call sometime. - 'Yo, man. Yo. Eh, yo.'

Hey, girl, you gotta minute? You gotta minute?

Give me your number.

Why don't you give me your number?

Why don't you give me your number?

Why don't you give me your number?

'Why don't you give me your number?'

Oo-o-h, McKay is having a press conference today.

Yeah, that McKay still haven't fixed that pothole outside.

Every time I hit it my eight-track

skip to the next song.

Not only that but that McKay's

shadier than a Death Row contract.

Oo-o-h, and everybody knows

he cheats on his wife with prostitutes.

Oh, come on, now, Dee.

Come on, there ain't no evidence of that.

No, I know it's true.

My hair dresser told me.

Hah, is this the same hair dresser

that said you look like Angela Bassett?

Yes.

In what movie, "How Stella Got Her Boobs Back?"

(female #1) Oh, here he comes. Here he comes.

(Dee) 'Oh, here he is, here he is.'

Mr. Mckay, come on.

[booing]

Do you have a statement?

(Marlon) 'How cheesy. How cheesy.'

I have a statement to make.

My fellow New Yorkers

I am pleased to announce that once again

I'm throwing my hat into

[laughing]

Oh, how about I throw your hat into that pothole outside.

Oh, my.

[indistinct chattering]

I want to bring to this neighborhood

the same improvements that I brought

to Times Square.

You ruined Times Square. You turned it to a theme park.

Yeah, they don't even show those good movies anymore

like "Dr. Do Me A Little."

Or-or "The Nutty Molester."

Well, forget about all that.

You chased all the small businessmen out.

Well, we-we-we just have to create

more jobs, don't you know.

Yeah, good ones, firemen, teachers.

Lap dancers.

Why don't you do something for a change?

You know, instead of shaking hands

'and kissing babies.'

- And babysitters. - Oh.

Sir, I don't think you understand

how city government works.

Sure he does.

He's been getting out of jury duty

for the past 20 years.

Well, if you know so much, sir

why don't you run?

- Well, I-I.. - 'Yeah?.'

Why not? Pops! Pops!

(all) Pops! Pops! Pops! Pops! Pops! Pops!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait--

(all) Pops! Pops! Pops!

This press conference is over!

(all) Pops! Pops! Pops!

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful guys, dynamite.'

[hip hop music]

[music continues]

[hip hop music]

Me, a politician?

Umm-umm, I'm just a ordinary Joe who's running a diner.

Yeah, but, Pops, that's the great thing about you.

You're not a politician.

I think you got a good chance to beat McKay.

(Shawn) Yeah, pop. I mean, come on, now.

Marion Berry got elected.

And you only got a liquor problem.

Besides, you ain't got nothin' to worry about.

We got you back. I'll be your campaign manager.

And Dee'd be my secret service

and Marlon be my press secretary?

A press secretary?

Man, why I gotta do all the ironin'?

Shawn, you have no campaigning experience.

Yes, I do, I helped Jesse Jackson

when he ran for president.

What did you do for Jesse?

Oh, I got him a rhyming dictionary. Oh..

(imitating Jesse) It's an abomination

called segregation

I recommend sexual relation.

So you could all feel jubilation all over the nation.

Keep hope alive.

Well, I'm not gonna run

and nothing can change my mind.

Well, I'm surprised you turned down

a $70,000 a year job.

Hmm, $70,000?

Who am I to deny the will of the people?

That's a lot of bow ties.

[Dee laughing]

[hip hop music]

[chuckles]

Look at you, pops.

You look like the Cream of Wheat man

'on the fourth of July.'

Hey, look what I did, I printed "Vote for Pops"

on the back of these massage parlor flyers.

That's genius, son.

But, pops, from now on you have to remember

to support massage parlors.

Shoot, I've been supporting massage parlor

ever since your mama went through the change.

[chuckles]

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

Pops, I came up with the perfect campaign commercial.

Tanqueray, bring your ass and shake it, girl.

Do your thing.

[beatboxing]

♪ Pop that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Pop that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Shake that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Bring that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Pop that pop to pop ♪

♪ Pop that pop to pop ♪

♪ Bring that booty to the pop ♪

♪ Bring it around up and down ♪

♪ Shake it up shake it ♪

♪ Move it to the left move it to the right ♪

♪ Move it to the left move it to the right ♪

♪ Shake it so hard you bust a leg ♪

♪ Shake it so hard you bust a leg ♪

♪ Now stop is there a cop ♪

♪ Move that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Shake that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Shake that booty booty booty ♪♪

Hey! What is going on in here?

Girl, pull on your clothes.

- Dee, what are you doin'? - What's wrong with her?

We're havin' a strategy meeting.

Come over here, strategy.

Come over, girl, sit down.

Well, good news.

Pops is leading in the polls.

- Hey! - Yeah!

Oh, snap, yo, according to this

Pops and McKay is running neck and neck.

Ye-a-ah. Now speaking of necking.

My manicurist said that McKay has been seen

with a different woman each day of the week.

- Mm-hmm. - Eight different women?

Yo, he keep that up, he gonna catch a DVD, yo.

Hey, yo, pop, look, I got an idea.

Why don't we catch McKay with one of these women?

And then take pictures of him.

That way we can blow his whole campaign

out of the water.

No, son.

I don't wanna run a dirty campaign.

I wanna run it honestly and with integrity.

Oh, in that case I'll tell Tanqueray to go home.

If you do, you're out of my will.

Shut up.

Okay, McKay's commercial is coming on.

[instrumental "Yankee Doodle"]

(male #2 on TV) Councilman Ted McKay has cut the welfare rolls

filled our potholes and lowered crime.

He's a much honored three-term member

of the New York City Council.

And his opponent Pops Williams is a fry cook

with a questionable military discharge

and alcohol problem.

And a pending sexual harassment suit.

Who do you want?

This man?

Or this man?

Hope you didn't want the fry.

Yi-ta-dee!

Vote McKay. Your man for city council.

No, pop, he's running a negative campaign commercial.

This is terrible.

Oh, Lordy Lord, I'm doomed. I'm doomed.

Tanqueray, cheer Pops up please.

[beatboxing]

♪ Shake that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Move that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Move it up and move it down ♪

♪ Shake it up shake it to ground ♪

♪ Shake it to the ground.. ♪♪

[hip hop music]

Oh, there it is. There it is.

I'm here to answer the, uh, charges of my opponent.

Specially a sexual harassment charge.

Starting with you, you little fine

sweet thing, pretty legs you've got.

- I'd like to curl your hair. - Ha-ha.

Mr. Williams, you need to address

the questionable discharge in the army?

Yes. Uh, in the army I had a questionable discharge.

Well, the whole troop did.

But a shot of penicillin cleared it right up.

Uh, how do you respond to the drinking charge?

Yes, I like to had me a little taste every now and then.

But we all do.

I don't get drunk and get behind the wheel of a car.

Hell, I used to pass out before I get to the door.

What about the ptomaine poisoning incident?

Now that was an accident.

I always turn my refrigerator off

in the daytime to conserve energy

for this magnificent town of ours.

That's right. Eh, pop.

Tell 'em how much water you save

by not washing your pot.

Tell 'em. Come on, pop.

S-s-sh! Shh!

Aren't you afraid of committing political suicide

by being so honest?

People are tired

of politicians who lie and cheat.

I'm giving them another choice.

And that's all I gotta say.

Arrivederci, auf wiedersehen, adios

Bye-bye.

I'm pretty proud of Pops, man.

He's handling a clean campaign. That's good.

He's not getting into a little gutter fight with McKay.

I know, he's smart, he's confident.

He's gonna get his butt kicked.

Yeah, I know.

You heard him, man, he wants to run a clean campaign.

That doesn't mean we have to.

- You sure? - Hah.

Why are we smiling?

Now, lookie here. I got the polaroid.

Now, Tanqueray, are you sure McKay is gonna be here?

Honey, the way he was coming on to me.

I know he can't wait to get his hands on some of this.

- Ah-ah, ah-ah.. - Hey-eh..

Oh, you should keep shaking like that, girl.

Trust me, he'll be here.

'Now look, here's what you gotta do.'

You gotta get him in a compromising position.

Then we're gonna take a photo, alright?

- Right, now, uh.. - 'Mmm.'

Why don't you get naked so we can make sure

the lightning is cool in here?

Marlon, will you cut it out, man?

- Why? - I mean..

Unless you cool with that.

Ha-ha. I don't think so.

- Oh, oh. - We was just checkin'.

Oh, so what's wrong, we just, you know

do, like, a little rehearsal?

We can make believe I'm, uh...I'm McKay.

And you be you.

(imitating McKay) Now, come here, brown sugar.

[knocking on door]

Alright, Marlon, that's him. Come on, come on.

Thank God.

Just the side! Side.

- Hi! - Hello there.

I.. I hope I'm not late, Tangynika.

- Tanqueray. - Huh?

- Like...the liquor. - Oh-oh!

- Let me take your jacket. - Oh, sure, sure, sure thing.

Huh, nice place you got here.

Make yourself comfortable.

Ooh! Got anything to drink?

I'm sure I do somewhere.

Now if I were a wine bottle, where would I be?

[McKay sighs]

These your kids?

Uh, no, those are two boys

I sponsor in Ethiopia.

Damn, they're ugly.

- Why don't I pour, huh? - Okay.

Uh, great. Oh, good, good, good, good.

Okay.

One for me

and one for you.

- Here we go. - You look tense.

- Oh-ho. - Let me loosen you up.

- Have any surprises for me? - Oh, yeah.

- You can't see any of them yet. - Uh-oh!

Oh, I got you.. Oh! Yes, yes.

You know, uh, I have been little naughty today.

I-I probably deserve a good spanking.

[chuckles]

Ooh! Yes! Oh!

Wow! You're fast.

Ooh, this is.. Oh, yes, mm-hmm.

- Ah! - Oh! Yes.

Yes, yes, I stole my bicycle

and-and I-I wore my older sister's underpants.

Oh, yes. Yes!

Oh, please. Yes, Tan, Tanqueray

I..

[hip hop music]

Pops, can you do me a favor

and please stop worrying about the debate questions, man?

Once people see these photos of McKay, he's finished.

I don't wanna see those photos.

Maybe this one.

Look, I said I'm not gonna run a negative campaign.

So might as well just get started

practicing these debate questions

Okay, here we go. Here's the first question.

What should we do about hazardous waste dumpings?

Well, I used the dump mine off the Triborough Bridge.

Good answer, pop. Damn good.

Shut up, stupid. You can't say that.

You have to say something like, uh..

[imitating Pops] I'll take that useless waste

and I'll grind it up into fertilizer.

Shawn, it's easier just to dump it off the bridge.

He's right, how am I gonna remember

all those answers anyway?

Don't worry about it, I'll just write it

on the index card, okay?

Now the next question is gonna be on illegal immigration.

[hip hop music]

Alright, Pops.

- Pop? - Mm-hmm.

What about the police presence in the community?

Police never gave me any presents.

Maybe only in the white neighborhoods.

Pop, just read the cards, please?

"We should think of them as our friends not our enemies.

I won't be happy until I see one on every street corner."

Okay, good, alright. Now, here's the last one.

What is your position on using tax dollars

to restore the Statue of Liberty?

Oh, gee, son, I have never been to the Statue of Liberty.

Uh?

Alright.

Don't worry about it, okay?

I wrote a really nice speech about it

and the voters gonna love you, all you gotta do

is stick to the cards, alright?

I can't believe you never been to the Statue of Liberty.

Don't you know that's the world's tallest building?

That's where they shot "King Kong."

[hip hop music]

Now, pop, you knew you was gonna be on TV, right?

- Yeah. - Why you wearin' that suit?

You look like a airplane seat.

In case of emergency, the tacky bow tie

can be used as a floatation device.

[chuckles]

Oh, what you talking about? This is my lucky suit.

I wore this suit on my first date with your mama.

- Bang, bang, bang-- - Oh, hey..

- Hey, come on, man? - Who's daddy now?

Oh, that's ma he talkin' about. Uh, my bad.

Uh, hey, listen, now you ready

to go out there and put McKay away?

- Oh. I guess so, son. - Alright.

- Oh-oh. - What happened?

- Oh-oh. Oh-oh. - What happened?

- What's going on? - Forgot your gat?

I don't know where my.. I don't know where my cards are.

Did I give 'em to you?

No, you didn't give it to me.

I must have left 'em on the snack table.

- Boy, go get 'em. - Alright, no problem.

Hey, there, little dress big ass, where you going?

Aah!

Calm down. You're nervous, man.

You're shaking more than a white rapper at the Apollo.

'Just relax, man.'

Now check it out, all you gotta do

is nail this debate.

And I'm telling you, pop

you're in there, you are in there, okay?

You can do it.

Come on, froggy.

Oh, here's the cards, pop.

- Well, thanks, son. - Alright.

- Yo, wish me luck, man. - Good luck, man, good luck.

Do your thing, pop.

Mr. Williams, you won the coin toss.

Uh, by the way, could I have my coin back?

It was a quarter.

- And we're on the air. - Oh!

In five, four

three, two..

Welcome to the debate for city councilman

with our candidates McKay..

...and Williams.

Yi-ta-dee!

Mr. Williams gets the first question.

What would you do about the large number

of drug dealers in our city?

"We should think of them as our friends..

"...not our enemies.

I won't be happy until I see one on every street corner."

- Excuse me? - You mixed up the cards, man.

And, oh, yeah, they don't make enough money either.

Mr. McKay, would you like to respond?

Uh, no, I think I'll let him hang himself.

Uh, spe-speak, speak for himself.

Mr. Williams, what should we do

with this city's homeless people?

"I'd take that useless waste

andgrind into fertilizer."

(female #2) 'Oh.'

Okay, uh, Councilman McKay?

Oh, what can I say I'm flabbergasted.

Stay away from dairy products.

Uh, Mr. Williams, an-and-and please

consider your answer before you speak.

"Recently the Manhattan Madam

"was indicted on 18 counts

"of prostitution.

"Should our law enforcement be spending so much time

on a victimless crime?"

Well, let me tell you something about her.

"She may be old and weathered.

"But is this how we treat someone who has greeted tourists

and sailors all these years?"

He gave the wrong answer, he gave the answer to

the Statue of Liberty question.

"Tell me there's isn't a man here

"who hasn't gotten some joy

"by going up into her and rusty all insides.

"It's one of New York's truly great bargains.

"Just a few dollars for a memory

that lasts a lifetime."

- Pop, the cards are mixed up. - Are you sure?

I thought that was a good answer.

[indistinct chattering]

This man is an imbecile.

Now, wait, just a minute, name calling is totally unnecessary.

Well, from the way you're dressed

I guess you'd think mirrors

were unnecessary too, huh?

Hey, yo, pop, hey, don't take that

from Johnny Carson, strike back.

I could come back at you.

When I'm running a clean campaign.

Oh, well, speaking of clean

why don't you go back and clean that roach motel

you call a diner.

Hey-hey-hey, pop, don't let baggy face

talk about your roaches like that.

Hey, it's those two ugly kids from Ethiopia.

Now, wait just a minute.

- Nobody call my boys ugly. - Yeah.

Oh, really? Or wh-what are you gonna do?

You gonna hit me?

I wouldn't dirty my hand.

Shawn, Marlon, show everybody the pictures.

Gladly.

Bam! You see that thing, huh? You see that?

Yeah, look at that. Look at that.

- Bam! - What the..

Yeah, what the.. That's you, see.

(Marlon) 'Oh, mommy, spank me, as I stole the bicycle, yeah.'

Look at that, that's me, you.

And that's my nipple right there

You see, you're caught now.

Now, Ross Perot

what do you think of those photos?

Look, I don't have to stand here

and take these lies from you people.

As Abraham Lincoln once said

"You can fool some of the people some of the time

but you can't fool all of the people all of the time."

Yeah, shut up, as George Jefferson once said

"Screw you, honky!"

[babbling]

[laughing]

Yeah, pop. Way to go. Way to go..

[indistinct chattering]

[hip hop music]

Hey!

I just came from party headquarters.

It's a landslide.

[screaming]

♪ I'm the new city councilman ♪

♪ I'm the new city councilman ♪

♪ He's the new city councilman ♪♪

- [indistinct]. - Pops?

- 'Huh?' - You lost.

I demand a recount. A recount.

Pops, give it up.

Oh, man. I guess it's my fault.

Told him not to wear the white shoes.

I tried to run a clean campaign, but I ended up

just as sleazy and low-down as the rest of them.

I should have never shown those pictures.

All the exit poll said that everybody voted for him

because of the, uh, photos.

- What? - 'Yeah.'

They said looking at McKay messing with that stripper

made him look presidential.

Well, how many votes did I get anyway?

Three.

Three?

Wait a minute there's four of us.

- 'Oh!' - Marlon, did you vote?

Yeah. But I voted for McKay.

[Dee gasping]

Why did you do that?

Negro, I saw the debate.

How many, how many of you vote that I whip his ass?

- Yeah. - Wait, hold on, hold it.

- Get him, pop. - Tanqueray!

- 'Huh?' - O-o-oh.

Cheer pops up. Cheer pops up.

♪ Pop that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Pop that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Pop that booty booty booty ♪

♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Beat that ta ta ta ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Come low low low low ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Bring that booty na na na ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Move it on up and hit the ground ♪

♪ Booty booty booty booty ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ You're so cutie cutie cutie ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Bang bang bang pop pop ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪♪