Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Good morning, everybody.

- Hi, Dee. - 'Why are you so happy, Dee?'

You got rid of those razor bumps?

[laughing]

No. It's just a beautiful day.

Beautiful day? What you smoking?

It's 30 degrees below zero out there.

I got body parts stiffenin' up for all the wrong reasons.

[chuckles] How about some breakfast, Dee?

I got your usual, the doughnut omelet.

No, thank you, Pop, I'm trying to keep my hourglass figure.

(Pops) 'Ooh!'

You look like you're a couple of hours too late.

[laughing]

That is funny.

- You guys are so crazy. - Hey.

- Damn. - Wow.

I ain't never seen Dee that happy before.

I mean, she's practically floating.

You know that ain't easy for somebody her size.

I mean, all that ass weighing her down and all.

Hey, yo, pop, you think Dee is drinking on the job?

No, you can always tell a closet drinker

by the way their hands shake.

[clattering]

Arthritis acting up again.

Hey, I know why Dee is happy.

The McRib sandwich is back.

- I don't think so. - For real.

Actually, if I didn't know better

I think Dee hooked up with a man.

A man?

Dee?

I think you're the one drinking on the job.

Oh, my God! Would you look at this?

Dee is kissing.

Hold on a second, I see tongue.

Hey, yo, man, I think Dee hired a male prostitute.

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.'

'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite.'

[theme music]

Please, Dee, people are watching.

[chuckles] Look, just 'cause you're a dentist

don't mean you can't give me no sugar.

[laughing]

Shawn, Dee snapped.

Dee! Dee!

- Girl, what's wrong with you? - What?

You can't be grabbing on no man like that.

Look, I know you ain't had none in a while, butdamn!

- Get out of here. - Marlon's right, Dee.

You're still on probation from the last time.

[laughing] Oh, stop it.

You all stop clowning around.

This is Kenny.

Kenny, this is Shawn.

- Pops and Marlon Williams. - How you doing, man?

Nice to meet you, what's up, baby? You aight?

Oh, stop it, leave him..

Hey, listen, man, we cool?

Yeah, Dee's, Dee's told me a lot about you.

- Really? - Yeah.

That's funny, Al Cowlings.

'Cause she hasn't mentioned a word about you, brah.

- What the deal? - 'Yeah.'

How did you guys meet?

Oh, we met when I filled her cavity.

Filled her cavity? Ew!

You're tellin' us a little bit too much.

Not me.

It's not like that, it's not like that.

Kenny is my dentist.

- A dentist? - Yes.

Ooh! A sadiddy.

Well, I've got an appointment.

Hmm. Okay. So I'll see you later?

- Peace out, A.C. - Uh, nice meeting you all.

Tell O.J. I said what's up?

- Mm. - Dee, you're embarrassin' me.

Oh-h-h.

- That's enough. - Okay.

♪ Dee and Kenny ♪

♪ Kissing in a tree ♪

♪ K-I-S ♪

♪ F-I B-G ♪♪

So, Dee, how long

have you and Kenny been keeping company?

Oh, just a few weeks.

But they've been the best few weeks of my life.

I bet the doctor has teared it up, huh, Dee?

Numbin' it up with a little bit of Novocaine.

(Pops) Get on back to work.

- Go on back to work. - What's wrong with..

Oh.

Dee, that Kenny is kinda sweet on you.

Yeah. I like him too.

Well, he seemed like a nice fella.

Oh, Kenny is a gentleman.

He's kind, he's thoughtful.

He's a good listener.

Just a little somethin' missin'.

Missin'?

You mean like..

...missin' missin'?

You know they got a pump for that, right?

Dee, you're a young woman in your prime.

You don't have to settle for half a man.

Of course, that depends on which half.

(Dee) 'Oh, stop.'

No, not that.

I mean, he's really shy.

I just wish he were a little more aggressive.

So, Dee, why don't you just make the first move?

Oh, no. I'm tired of doin' that.

I always make the first move and then the second move

and the third move..

Then they make the fourth move to the door.

[laughs]

I just wish just once that

somebody else could take control.

Well, Dee, we're happy you found someone.

And I'm sure when you've straighten everythin' out

you and Kenny will be together for a long, long time.

- You think so? - I know so!

- Thanks, Pops. - Oh, I know.

You don't see romances like yours anymore.

- Alright. - Alright.

- I give it a week. - But you said that--

I know, I was trying to protect her feelings.

You just heard her say that she wants someone more aggres-sive.

Dee need to go get with Ike Turner.

[laughs]

Hey, y'all, look, it's obvious that Kenny likes Dee a lot.

Now, I think that the brother is just a little uptight.

I think me and you could loosen him up with a little pep talk.

Hey! That's a good idea.

But you guys be kinda easy with him.

I think he kinda...soft.

Hey, look here, brother.

Couple of days with me and Shawn

and he'll be smackin' it, flippin' it

and rubbin' it down.

♪ It's our home away from home ♪♪

(Marlon) 'In Spanish..'

[speaking in foreign language]

"Junkin Yo Trunk."

I have some old clothes in the back of my trunk.

No, no, no.

Chill. Not that kinda junk.

That kind.

(Kenny) Wow! Did you see that?

Yeah, pretty nice, huh? Pow!

No, I mean, that overbite. Youch!

Hey, would you excuse us for a second? Heh.

Shawn, this is a waste of time, man.

Look, Dee should just face the facts

and renew her subscription to "Playgirl."

Look, Marlon, don't give up on this guy yet, okay?

- We're doing this for Dee. - Come on, uh..

Come on, man. Just, just be patient.

- Aight? - Alright.

Hey, Kenny, come here.

Have a seat, brah.

(Kenny) 'You know, I don't think'

Dee would approve of me going to a club like this.

Well, you know, I-I don't think you're married.

And, you know, I wouldn't worry about it, man.

If Dee was here, she'd want you to have a good time.

Here you go, doc.

- Drink it. - Oh, what is it?

Uh, it's a little Cisco and some Thunderbird

and a little bit of Night Train to take off the edge.

It's called the ghetto iced tea.

Guys, I'm not much of a drinker.

Oh, come on, man, a little bit

of Night Train ain't never hurt nobody.

Come on, man, drink.

My throat is a little parched.

That's your business just drink.

(Shawn and Marlon) Tot! Tot! Take it to the head.

(in unison) Take it to the head. Take it to the head. Take it to the

...to the head. Take it to the head.

Whoo!

Take it to the head!

'Take it to the head!'

- 'Yeah.' - Hey! Hey! Hey!

(Kenny) 'Whoo!'

Yeah! Alright!

Ghetto iced tea for everybody.

Come on, hold up. I think you need to slow down, doc.

Doc? Are you really a doctor?

That's right. I'm a den-tist.

Oh! Well, doc, do you have a card?

Because I think I might need a filling.

Ooh.

(Kenny) No problem.

Why don't you come by for a free drilling?

Whoo!

Yo, man, this dude's a pig.

- Oh. - Hey, hey, hey, girl.

My shirt got wet.

Yeah, I know, and it's cold in here too.

- Oh, I'm so sorry. - I'm not.

Here, let me wipe that off for you, girl.

Why don't you take my shirt?

And you let me buy you a drink.

Thanks, doc.

I'll have a sex on the beach.

Hey, yo, we'd better get him out of here, man

before he gets hisself into trouble.

- Yeah, I hear you. - Kenny, come on, let's bounce.

- Come on, doc. - But I want to stay.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Too bad.

Now get on out of here, ya pervert.

Hey, girl, you know I'm a doctor too.

[laughing] You ain't no doctor.

Well, I can still give you a mammogram.

Man, that Kenny don't know how to handle no liquor.

No, man, tell me about it.

He kept kissing on the cab driver

and calling him Dee.

Yeah, but he got us a free ride.

Hey, do what you got to do, brother.

Oh, man, I can't wait to tell Dee

all the fun we had, Shawn. Who-o-o!

Wait, wait, wait. Slow down, okay?

Now you know how jealous Dee gets

if she finds out we took Kenny out to a club

she's gonna get mad, don't tell her.

Hey, guys, have you seen Kenny?

He didn't answer his phone all night.

And he's not upstairs in his office.

Oh, well, um..

Now that's because he's probably like really exhausted

from, uh, hanging out at, uh, uh, Coney Island with us.

- You took him to Coney Island? - Yeah.

Yeah, Dee, and, Dee, girl, girl

he talked about you all night long.

I mean, Dee, he spent eight hours on your booty alone.

[laughing] Oh, stop.

- Wow. That was nice of you. - Oh, well, you know.

You know, he doesn't get out much.

- Oh. - I could tell.

Thank you.

Oh, Kenny, you look terrible, what happened to you?

I got sick from all those ghetto iced teas

the guys gave me.

It, it wasn't iced tea remember, uh, Kenny

it-it was bad lemonade from Coney Island.

Coney Island?

- Coney Island, yeah, man. - Right. Right.

Coney Island.

Oh, Kenny, you poor thing.

Well, I'mma come over tonight

and take good care of you, okay, baby?

Mm.

- Doc. Hi, it's me. - Do I know you?

[chuckles] Yeah, remember last night.

Well, here. I bought you back your shirt.

Shirt? Kenny, who's this woman?

- Honestly, I don't know her. - Oh.

[chuckles] You remember me.

Sex on the beach.

Well, I guess it was kinda dark.

Wait, here, maybe this will remind you.

Remember now?

I'm Miss Junk in the Trunk

you know, from the club.

Oh, you took him to a club last night

and then you lied to me about it?

- Uh-huh. - Ha?

[laughs] Oh, now I remember.

See, I-I spilled a drink on her

when she was sitting on my lap.

Oh, you're embarrassed from me to kiss you in public

but you let this..

...sit on your lap.

Honestly, Dee, nothing happened.

Dee, he was completely innoce--

- Shut up! - Yes, ma'am.

Then why did you lie to me about it?

- Yeah, Kenny, I am shocked. - Shut up.

What you hit me like that for?

- Dee. - No, no, no!

That's alright, don't matter. We're finished.

- Uh.. - 'Junk in your trunk. Hmph!'

[instrumental music]

Come on, Dee, come on.

Now I know that Shawn and Marlon

and...Kenny lied to you.

But I've seen this fella Kenny, he's into you.

- You don't wanna lose that. - Of course, I don't.

But I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again.

He's just like all the others. Tch.

Dee, things happen in every relationship

that's why you've got to remember to forgive and forget.

Saved a lot of marriages, including mine.

- Really? - Yes.

I caught mom's hand in the cookie jar.

She would sneak out every night and get her feel.

Yes, then she'd sneak back in bed

pretend nothing happened.

Pops, I didn't know your wife cheated on you.

What? I'm talking about cookies.

She cheated on her diet.

Oh, I am so sorry, Pop.

My mind must be elsewhere.

- Well.. - Mm.

The point is, I forgave her

and you've got to forgive Kenny.

[instrumental music]

[knock on door]

Hey, guys, uh, what was so important

that I had to rush up here?

Yo, check it out, Kenny.

Me and Marlon was tryin' to come up with a way

to get you and Dee back together.

No, I might as well admit it's over.

A woman like Dee is too good for me.

Come on, Kenny, man, don't give up yet.

Dee is craving romance.

Marlon's right, man, and if we can find a way

for you to romance her, I think you can get back with her.

Look, I don't know the first thing about romance

I wouldn't know what to say.

What would be your normal MacDaddy lines

to a regular girl?

Just pretend I'm Dee.

Yeah, Kenny, I can..

[laughs]

- Oh you.. - Stop.

Yeah, you gon' push your game on me..

Uh, Dee, I..

...really think you're nice.

Who are you? Bryant Gumbel?

[imitates Bryant] Dee, I think you're really nice.

Come on, man.

You got to be more aggressive, man.

Dee! I'd...kill for you.

- Hey, man. - Slow down, O.J.

Look, man, I think this is gonna be harder than I thought.

Maybe there's some kind of way where

where we could put the words in your mouth for you or something.

You mean, like a ventriloquist, huh?

- Yeah, something like that. - 'Mm-hmm.'

Without me having to put my hand up your butt.

[instrumental music]

Hey, y'all, I'm telling you, Kenny, man.

This thing is guaranteed to bring you two back together.

Now, Marlon, come on. Marlon, let's go over our plan.

Okay. Hey, Shawn, you know how I feel like.

I feel like Bobby Brown in the "Prerogative" video.

Huh. Hustle. Dance.

Okay, back to the plan.

I hid a microphone right here in the lapel

of this cheap old Kmart jacket, right?

And I got a speaker hidden in these big, old

Bobby Womack shades you got on.

Look, only address me by my secret code name

Agent 69 aka..

...Freaky Deaky.

Anyway, brah, this is how it's gonna work.

I'm gonna feed you a bunch of smooth lines

and you're gonna repeat after us.

Okay? Simple.

Alright, now look, Dee should be here any minute.

If you need us, we're gonna be right out

there in the newsstand listening in.

- Good luck, Jim. - Alright, thanks.

- What's my name? - Freaky Deaky.

That's my boy.

Look, I-I don't know if this is gonna work.

Sure it will.

I've made French cuisine.

And when Dee tastes my French fried French bread

with French mustard

you're gonna get a French kiss.

Let's set the mood.

[instrumental music]

Ooh.

Voila.

Testing, testing. One, two. One, two.

Testing.

[shouting] Can you hear me?

I hear you loud and clear!

Hey, man, what's wrong with you?

Come in there and kick you in your glasses.

Ooh.

Shawn, you need to get some of your lines from here.

- They got some good stuff. - Man, peace out.

I don't need to get none of my MacDaddy lines

from this booty magazine.

[whispers] Oh, she's comin', she's comin'.

Kenny, the rhino is charging.

Fat Albert has left the junkyard

and he's headed your way, way, way.

So what is this emergency, Pops?

Hello, Dee.

Oh, it's you.

- Hold on, Dee. - Hold on, Dee.

- It's not me. - It's not me.

It hasn't been me since...you left my life.

(Kenny on microphone) I haven't been me since you left my life.

I never heard you talk like that before.

I never knew what life would be like..

...without you in my arms.

[whispers] Oh, Shawn.

...without you in my arms.

So sit your booty down.

So sit your booty down here

and let my, let me, let me

feast my eyes on your beauty.

Ow, ow, watch it, you clumsy ox.

- Hey, watch it, you clumsy ox. - What?

Uh, uh, I mean, uh..

Uh, I-I meant you..

Chocolate fox.

Chocolate fox.

Sometimes, I get a little, uh, tongue-tied.

Oh.

Bonjour, madame. Monsieur.

Would you like a glass of wine?

Vino du blanc.

I've tasted them both.

Exquisite.

I don't know if you need to be drinking, Kenny.

(Shawn on microphone) 'You're right, Dee.'

'I don't need to drink wine 'cause..'

'...I'm already intoxicated by your beauty.'

'See, I've been shy up until this point'

'but, girl, now I need to tell you how I feel.'

Excuse me?

That's right..

...from the first time I saw you..

From the, from the minute I-I first saw you, I wanted

wanted to wrap myself up in you.

Your lips, you hair

the scent of your skin.

Well, you don't smell so bad yourself.

Give me a kiss, big boy.

Hey, wait a minute, lady, you got the wrong idea.

Wait, lady, you got the wrong idea.

Wait for what, I mean, wrong idea about what?

Get out of here, you ghetto Ms. Butterworth.

Hey, Marlon. Marlon.

Marlon, pick up the microphone

and say somethin' romantic.

Make up your mind, would you?

Why are you playing with my emotions?

"Hey, let me warm your..

"...hot cheeks with a good hard spanking

and lick you from head to toe."

Oh, baby, let me warm your cheeks

with a good hard spanking..

...and lick you from head to toe.

Kenny..

...you're into some weird stuff there.

I like it.

And then we could dress up in diapers

and, and talk like babies, huh?

Uh-uh. No, no, it's okay.

It's alright.

- Uh, Dee, Dee, Dee, wait. - What?

- Wait for what? - Wait. Uh..

Change my diaper.

- Well, this isn't right. - No, it's not.

What the hell's wrong with you, man?

I-I do want to get back together

that's how I feel.

These haven't been my words.

Shawn and Marlon have been feeding me lines through these.

What the hell is going on here..

(Dee on microphone) 'Trick glasses.'

Dee, those are the kind that are special

you know, they got a little hearing aid in 'em.

Young man, there's no shame because you can't hear.

Oh. No, don't give me that.

Shawn, Marlon, I know you're around here.

- Shawn? - Hello, there.

Hi, Dee.

I should've known you two were behind this

tryin' and make a fool out of me, huh?

Look, Dee, we was just tryin' to get you and Kenny back together.

By putting a bunch of stupid words in his mouth?

And you, Kenny, I don't understand.

Look, Dee, I didn't mean to deceive you

I just, I just, didn't wanna lose you.

You don't wanna lose me, then tell me howyou feel.

Alright, I'll tell you.

I..

I love you dammit.

You better go, girl.

Wait a minute. I see tongue.

Oh-h-h!

See little love birds. I have a magnifique

No, thanks, Pops.

Dee and I are going back to my place.

I think I can cook up something myself.

Macaroni.

And dessert we can work on together.

- Ooh. - Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Chocolate mousse, ha!

Uh, you guys didn't tell him to say that, did you?

Hell no.

Hey, yo, Kenny, you straight on the Jimmy hen?

- I'm straight, brah. - 'Aight!'

- Thanks for everything. - Oh, man!

I got a big pot of fresh pig knuckles.

I don't want 'em to go to waste.

Why don't you boys come on into the diner

and I'll serve 'em up to you?

Peace out, Cream of Wheat man.

Go back to your box.

Hey, look here, y'all go on, help pop, with them feed.

I'm gonna stay here and read some more of my magazine.

Here it comes..

"From the moment I saw you

"I was hooked on your beauty.

"Girl, I wanted to strip you naked

and have my way with you on a leopard-skin rug."

Sounds good to me.

[instrumental music]

Tot! Tot! Take it to the head!

Take it to the head! Tot! Tot!

Take it to the head! Take it to the head!

Take it to the head! Whoo!

Take it to the head!

'Take it to the head!'

- Yeah! - Hey, hey, hey.

Yeah! alright!

Ghetto iced tea for everybody.

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say cheese.