Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

- Dee. - Hmm?

I brought you a little snack.

It's my latest celebrity sandwich.

I call this bad boy the "Don King."

Now, what's in it, Pops?

Nothin' but baloney and tongue.

And a little hair. Ugh!

Well, it ain't mine. My hair ain't that curly.

Go get me something.

[cash register rings]

Thank you.

Hey, what's up, Ted?

What, they put up another one of your ads?

Yeah, yeah, my campaign for chewy gums starts this week.

I wanted a few extra copies.

You know that, uh, little character, Chewy Gumstick?

- 'Yeah.' - He's mine.

"Chewy gum. It's flavorlicious?"

"Flavorlicious?"

Ted, that is whack!

You know, what you should do?

You should add a little character to Chewy

you have him go like this.

I'm Chewy Gumstick.

Bite me!

Better yet, uh, Chewy Gum, uh

the flavor lasts all night long.

- Mmm. - Okay.

- That's not bad, Shawn. - Really?

You always were kinda clever in school.

When you weren't jolly stomping me for my lunch money.

We've got an opening as a junior exec.

If you want, I can get you an interview.

Hey, thanks, Ted. But, um, no thanks.

I got my own business now and you know, I make up my own hours

and don't have to put up with no office politics.

Anything else will be takin' a step back.

I don't know, it's how I got started.

- And I make a 100 grand a year. - When do I start?

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male 1) 'Alright cut and print. Beautiful, guys! Dynamite!'

'That is..'

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Thank you. That's a beautiful wig.

What'll you have, Dee?

Uh, Pops, I think I'm gonna try

that "Michael Jackson Sandwich."

Oh, I'm sorry, Dee, you see, that's only available

on the kid's menu.

Uh, besides, I'm out of white bread.

Oh..

Break open the champagne, Pops!

I went on that job interview

and I got the J-O-B.

[all cheering]

That's my boy, that's my man.

Alright. All good. Alright.

Shawn, you're gonna be makin'

all that paper on that new job.

- Oh, yes, brother. - You're gonna make two moneys.

Oh, yeah, but you know, pop

it's not about the money.

This is just a chance for me

to use my creative ability.

Well, I wish I had your creative ability.

I can't figure out what to put on my Snoop Doggy hotdog.

How about some handcuffs?

Hey, pop, you could use two little onion rings.

Onion rings in hotdogs.

I think, I'll try it, come on, Pops.

Hey, hey, watch it, Dee.

Them cheap shoes ain't got no grip.

Alright now, listen, kid.

Tonight, I'm gonna be working upstairs and I'm gonna need

somebody to take care of the newsstand.

- Alright. - Somebody hardworkin'.

Responsible and intelligent.

And till I find that person

I guess, you're gonna be the man in charge.

Ha-ha-ha.

Aye, kid, I can't do this job all by myself, man.

I'm gonna need some help.

Well, then hire somebody to help you out.

Take applications, give interviews.

Just make sure you take your time

and find the right person.

Do all the things I didn't do.

Alright. Eh, Shawn, don't worry.

I'mma search until I find him.

I'mma search high and low.'

I'mma search far and wide.

Speakin' of wide..

Eh, Dupree, you want a job?

I don't know, kid. I'm still collecting disability.

Now I'll be bout it, bout it, you wanna pay me

under the table, you understand me?

Hey, you know your big ass can't fit under no table.

[instrumental music]

"Sparkle Cola."

It tastes better going down than comin' up.

Ew, that's disgusting.

[intercom buzzing]

(female 1 on intercom) 'There's a tacky man and a guy'

'who looks like a crack head out here.'

(Shawn on intercom) 'Oh, that's my, um, father and my brother, send them in.'

Ooh! This is impressive!

This is big time.

- Can I have these Post-its? - Go ahead, pop.

So this is where you been spendin' all your time, huh?

Alright, who you knockin' boots with, huh?

It's the white girl, huh?

I can tell, she got that little "Jungle Fever" look in her.

Look at her, look at her.

Oh, McDingo, spank me!

You ain't going back! You ain't going back, huh.

Hey, you know, son, when you're exhausted

nothin' gets you goin' again like a big healthy breakfast.

- What is that? - My light fluffy pancakes.

Can I have this pen?

Aye, Marlon, put that down, man.

Yo, man, put that down, Marlon.

- Aye! - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- That's my, that's.. Marlon. - Chill!

That's my slogan for the Sparkle Cola campaign.

"Sparkle Cola, it'll make your tongue go.."

...we-e-e-e!"

You stayed up all night for that?

I wrote that one at 4:00 in the mornin'.

Obviously.

(female 1 on intercom) 'Mr. Morgan is on his way in.'

Okay, y'all gotta go. I gotta--

Oh, why? You ashamed of us?

Why? Uh-uh, 'cause we're black?

Come on, get outta here, man!

- Get outta here. - You don't need these, do you?

- Howdy do. - Hey, what's up, Ted?

How you feelin', baby? Cool, word up, son.

- Good to see you, baby. - I'll see you later.

Oh, it's good to see Pops and Marlon again.

Yeah.

They're not gonna be

up here a lot, are they?

Nah, they just got the pancakes.

What happened? Burning the midnight oil?

Yeah, man, I've been killin' myself

tryin' to come up with a slogan

for the Sparkle Cola campaign.

Okay, I'm ready. Dazzle me.

Okay.

Picture this, alright?

Sparkle Cola.

Put some sparkle in your life.

[clicking tongue]

Uh, uh, okay, okay, uh..

Sparkle Cola!

- Aha! - It's the sparkly thing!

Oh!

Tsk, tsk, tsk..

Um..

Uh, uh..

Uh, uh, how about this? Um..

Ung, ung, ung..

Well, well, hang on, just let me do this, uh..

Sparkle Cola!

S-s-s-s-s-s..

It'll tickle that little weird thing

in the back of your..

...in-in your throat.

Not dazzled.

Just keep workin' on it, Shawn.

Well, well, how about this?

Sparkle Cola.

Get your drink on.

"Get your drink on?"

Yes!

That is exactly what I'm lookin' for!

That is great, Shawn!

- Primo. - Eh, man, alright.

Uh, now that you've nailed Sparkle

uh, you get to come up with a new slogan for..

...Murphy's briefs.

I already got it.

- Hmm? - Murphy's.

The brand name drawers that'll cover upall yours.

- Uh, keep workin' on it. - Uh, wait, how about this?

Uh, um, uh, Murphy's!

Uh, the underwear that make you laugh like this.

[laughing]

- Keep workin'. - Uh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

How-how about this? How about this?

Murphy's! Uh, a wedgie never felt so good!

[instrumental music]

Uh, what do you think you're doin', Free Willy?

Man, your pops just gave me some of this Bryan gumbo gumbo.

Man, you need to try it out, man.

- Bryan gumbo gumbo? - Yes, mom.

It look good.

It ain't got no flavor.

Exactly.

But it put me right where I needed to be!

Okay.

Yeah, well, you need to be..

...organizing the magazines.

Now come on, get to work, man.

But I already did that, Marlon.

- Uh, uh, uh, uh. - I mean, Mr. Williams.

Ah! That's a good walrus.

[imitating walrus]

- Skinny jerk. - Hey, I heard that!

And I'm docking you a candy bar.

- But.. - Uh, anything else? Huh?

Eh, what's the nutty professor doin' around here?

I hired him.

Marlon, you can't go around hiring your friends, man.

Now after you, Dupree's the most lazy, irresponsible guy I know.

- He works for candy. - Keep up the good work.

That's what I'm saying, brah.

So, what's up? How's everythin' goin' upstairs?

Phat, kid, I nailed that Sparkle Cola account.

Oh, that's good. That's my son.

You know, at the rate I'm goin'

I'mma be gettin' a promotion in no time.

Oh, I can't wait to spend your money, baby.

Oh..

(Marlon) 'Hey, there goes your boy, Ted, right there.'

Yeah, he's with the big boss, Mr. Peterman.

Act cool, act cool.

It was a monster idea, Ted.

Sparkle Cola. Get your drink on. I love it.

Keep comin' up with slogans like that

and you'll be a partner in no time.

Hey, Shawn.

Wait, I thought you said he liked your idea?

That was my idea.

Oo-o-o-o-h!

[instrumental music]

(Shawn) 'Yitadee!'

- How're things at work, son? - Okay, I guess.

Hey, pop, let me get the, um

"Ike and Tina Turner Black Eyed Peas"

and a side a "Nat King coleslaw."

Yo.

You would think that a big time junior executive like yourself

will be havin' lunch in a fancy restaurant.

- Nah, I'd rather eat here. - I don't even eat here.

Something gotta be wrong.

Well, pop, it's like this.

I came up with this really cool slogan at work today

and Ted took credit for it.

Now I'm frustrated, man. I don't know what to do.

Hmm, something like that happened to me once, son.

Move over, I'll tell you about it.

Oh-oh, I smell a long boring story

with no point comin'.

You know, actually, this one isn't that long.

When I first started, see

I had a little luncheonette in Kentucky.

Folks came from all over town

to sample my secret recipe

for fried chicken with eleven herbs and spices.

One day a man came in a white suit.

He bought a bucket of PFC.

Pops Fried Chicken.

Word?

So Colonel Sanders ripped off your recipe?

No, I ripped off his.

He sued my black a-a-a-s-s-s.

He put me out of work.

That's why I'm stuck in this broken down hell hole today.

- So what's your point? - Huh?

What's your point?

He stood up for himself.

And that's what you need to do with Ted.

Now, what do you want for desert?

Uh, I'm trying to decide between, uh

"Dennis Rodman fruitcake"

and "The pudding formerly known as Prince."

- You wanted to talk to me? - Uh, yeah, uh, Ted.

Uh, listen, um..

I was in lobby this afternoon and I overheard Mr. Peterman

congratulating you on my idea.

I knew you had a monster idea for Sparkle Cola

so I gave it directly to Mr. P.

Yeah, but, um..

You

And your problem is?

You

Hey, I take credit for everything.

You'll get your chance, Shawn.

When I move up, you'll move up with me.

Then it'll be your turn to take credit for other people's ideas.

Huh, so it's like that, huh?

- Dog eat dog. - That's right.

And you're wearin' Alpo underwear.

You can't cut it, just go back downstairs

and peddle your papers.

Oh, I can cut it. Hey, just call me O.J.

We'll see.

You've got 24 hours to come up with a new jingle

for Ozmo vacuum cleaners.

Go.

[instrumental music]

Where were you, mister, hmm?

I was up worried sick about you.

Where were you? Where were you, Shawn?

I'm talking to you, mister.

I had to work late, okay?

You couldn't call, huh? What, there's no phones?

Oh, let me guess. Your finger's broken, huh?

Listen to me, don't you turn your back on me, mister.

You can be so inconsiderate.

Do you realize I stayed up all night

slaving over a hot stove making you supper, huh?

Now your cuppa noodles is cold.

You're supposed to add water, stupid.

I'm-I'm stupid?

I'm stupid now? Huh?

You trying to sabotage me? You're trying to kill me?

So I'm stupid now.

This morning I was phat. Now I'm stupid, huh?

Huh?

You brute. You brute. Ugh!

Watch your mouth.

Yes, daddy.

I'll be a good girl from now on.

Yo, G, I needed that laugh.

After the day I've been havin'.

Man, I'm so tired, kid.

I never worked this hard before in my life.

Hey, you should just do what I do, close up early.

I'm serious, kid. I'm stressin', G.

I gotta come up with this slogan for Ted

by tomorrow mornin'.

Alright, let me hear what you got.

Okay, check it out.

Groom your room, with Ozmo.

[imitating buzzer] Umm-umm.

Okay.

Put a hurt on your dirt.

Hated it!

H-how about this? How about this?

Ozmo. Yitadee!

He-he-he!

Boo!

A-a-a-a-h!

♪ Eh eh eh eh ♪

♪ Eh eh eh-h-h eh eh ♪♪

[laughing]

Whoa, man! Yitadee?

What you stealin' from Pops now?

Yeah, man, I'm desperate, Marlon.

I don't have any more ideas. I'm burned out.

- Maybe, you could help me. - Alright, alright.

I'll help you out. God, quit beggin'!

- Okay. - Alright.

Check it out.

Think.

What's the first thing that pops into your head

when you hear the word..

...Ozmo?

I'm horny.

Okay, what is the second thing?

I'm still horny.

You know how it is when you wake up in the middle of the night.

Boy, you havin' 'em dreams. Woo-hoo-hoo.

I don't even know why I'm working so hard.

I mean, anything I come up with

Ted's gonna take the credit for it, anyway.

Shawn, just use that to your advantage, black.

Look, see, all you gotta do

is give Ted your whack slogans

let him pitch those to Mr. Peterman

and he'll get shot down.

- That's pretty good, stupid. - Thank you, dummy.

Yeah.

Hey and then, I'll give it to him so late

that he don't have a chance to look at it.

Exactly.

Oh, man, word up, G.

Eh, but then, what you gotta do is

you gotta hit Mr. Peterman

with your brilliant ideas.

And that's the problem.

I ain't got any brilliant ideas.

Shawn, Shawn, not yet.

See what you need is little bit of inspiration.

See, now watch.

I'm gonna plug this little bad boy in.

There.

I want you to...hold, look at it.

Look at it, hold it, that's it.

Feel it, touch it.

Spank it. Pull it by the hair.

- Will you come on, now. - Sorry, it's the dreams.

Alright, we gonna turn this bad boy on.

[whirring]

Man!

That thing really sucks!

Marlon, that's it, G.

That's gonna be the new slogan.

Oh, yeah, that's-that's good, man, that's dough.

Yo, when you're, uh, finished with this

you think I can have it?

[instrumental music]

Shawn. Where were you?

I needed those slogans last night.

I'm sorry, I was workin' on 'em at home.

Now here they are. Sure you'll love 'em.

I have no choice now, do I?

Good morning, everyone!

I don't need to tell you what happens

if we loose the Ozmo account.

We're still hurting from the Crystal Pepsi campaign.

[laughing]

Now, what have we got?

Ted?

Mr. Peterman.

Well I..

I believe I have come up with the perfect jingle..

...that'll keep Ozmo with us.

It's, uh, something you just can't get out of your head.

It's-it's a primo monster!

Hit it, Ms. Brenin.

[keyboard music]

♪ Groom your room with Ozmo ♪♪

Think that was just my warm up pitch.

But, uh, this next one, uh..

♪ Ozmo vacuums ♪

♪ Get your cleanin' freak on yeah mama ♪♪

Another curve ball.

But, uh, this next one's going

right down the middle of the plate.

[keyboard music]

♪ Ozmo the vacuum that makes you go yitadee ♪

All the kids were sayin' it.

Yitadee!

For cryin' out loud, Ted.

Do we need to send you back to Betty Ford?

Where the hell did he come up with somethin' like yitadee?

Oh, yeah!

The only person I've heard say yitadee

is that moron fry cook in that lousy diner downstairs.

The diner downstairs? Hey..

Ted, sit down.

You-you thought these were my ideas?

These are Shawn's. They're his.

Oh, come on, Ted, man.

You're embarrassing yourself, man.

Now, Mr. Peterman, I do have an idea

I'd like to share with you, if you don't mind.

Have a seat.

Ms. Brenin, you can stop touching your organ.

Mr. Peterman.

Through my research I found

that people don't want jingles.

They're tired of 'em.

People want the real deal.

When I plug in my Ozmo vacuum..

...what does it do?

It sucks!

Ozmo vacuums really suck..

...dirt.

Primo, I love it.

You got a bright future in this business, Williams.

Ted, I want you to go clean out Shawn's new office.

Okey-dokey and where would that be?

Your old office.

Be out in an hour, you're fired.

Fired?

Sure.

You're the man with fresh ideas.

Ted's played out. Congratulations.

You're on the team.

Wait a minute. Hold up.

I don't know if I wanna be on this team.

Oh, sure you do.

You've only been here one week

and already you're being promoted.

You keep this up and you'll have my job in a month.

Wait a minute, that's not funny.

Look, um, Mr. Peterman

I don't wanna take anybody's job.

And I don't know if I wanna be on any team where

everybody stabbin' each other in the back to get ahead.

Look, that's how you succeed in this business.

That's not true, I know a lot of people that succeeded

without cuttin' each other's throat to get where they at.

Eh, look, the bottom line is..

...this job ain't for me.

I'm out.

I'm still getting paid for this week, right?

[instrumental music]

Here you go, son. My latest celebrity entree.

I call this one the "Eric Estrada toastada."

- And why do you call it that? - Because it come with chips.

And it's really greasy and cheesy.

Excuse me. What did you say?

Oh! No, wa-wa-wa-wait! You know who he favors?

- That's Eric Estrada. - No! What?

Mr-Mr. Estrada.

I was just joking about that cheese and that grease.

Heh-heh-heh.

You know, you're my hero.

That's why I named a sandwich after you.

I even know your theme song.

♪ Di-di-di di-di-di di-di-di di-di-di ♪♪

Go get 'em, Mr. Chips.

I'm sorry, Officer Poncherello.

But, uh, Pops has a habit of puttin'

his own foot in his mouth.

Let me taste that.

Urgh!

Tastes like he put his foot in the toastada.

You're gonna be hearing from my lawyers.

Oh, Mr. Eric Estrada.

Oh, it's Mr. Colonel Sanders all over again.

Oh, please, Mr. Estrada!

I listen to you, I watch your TV show.

That new Spanish station. Dolly do de dada.

What is the name of it?

[speaking Spanish]

That's what I'm talkin' about!

Eh, papi, he's so cute!

[indistinct chattering]

[instrumental music]

Well, kid.

I know, there's gonna be other opportunities.

Watch, I'm gonna be out there again.

I'mma get paid.

I know man, I feel you, baby.

I know you are. I know you are.

Yo, man, eh, what happened to Dupree, man?

How did he take gettin' fired?

Not too bad, he said he has something else lined up.

- 'What?' - I love it. It's primo.

Tell me that slogan again.

Sparkle Cola. It puts me right where I need to be.

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon. Say cheese.