Original subtitles

[laughing]

Hey, man, what you got there, a gat?

Come here, my virgin little brother.

The time has come for you to learn that the key

to understandin' women is not to focus so much

on the physical, but to stimulate..

...the mental.

I guess, what's-what's-what's all this?

Ha ha ha. Aside, aside, grasshopper.

There are three main ingredients to titillate a women's senses.

Mm-hmm.

For the ears, a Barry White tape.

Well, why not a CD?

'Cause his voice is so deep, he make the CD skip.

Oh.

For the nose we have scented candles.

Black love. I like it, brother.

Oh, yeah, brother. Oh, yeah, brother.

And for the taste,voila.

A very expensive bottle of wine.

Oh, see now I can't afford that. Mm-mm.

She better be happy with a 40 ounce and a paper bag.

No, I just said the bottle.

See, you could fill it with ripple if you want.

That's good. So what you got for touch?

For touch, I got a little something special.

Alright! Like this.

Go on. Try it.

[theme music]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singing ♪

♪ And we're colored ♪

♪ Give me a high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys.'

'Dynamite. That is..'

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

- Gimme some of that. - Hey!

I'm glad you find it funny.

You're two hours late again.

You're fired.

Ha-ha. Laugh at that.

Aw, that's so cute.

Look at the fatty little babe.

Look at the fatty little baby.

You fatty little babe.

[mumbling]

Yo, this time I'm not playin'.

Oh, no. I'm not playin'.

You gonna have to go back to breastfeeding

'cause you can't afford milk.

That's right, little baby

'cause you ain't gonna have no jobby-wobby.

Yeah, little jobby-wobby.

Come on, G, you can't fire me.

You gotta give me at least two weeks notice, Shawn.

Yeah, you know what, you're right, I'm-I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm right.

You know what, take a two week vacation.

- Oh, thanks. - Hey, with no pay.

And then when you come back, you're fired.

Oh, come on, Shawn, you can't fire me, man, we're brothers.

We came out the same place, remember?

Boop!

Look, I'll help you find a job in the wanted ads, okay?

Check it out.

Crash test dummy.

Oh, here's another one.

The pussy cat theater is lookin' for a new towel boy.

Been there, done that.

Stop being so cold. Why don't you just forgive him?

If he can't count on family, who can he count on?

Yeah! You know what, pop? Forget him anyway.

Shoot, I'd rather work for you.

Fool, you ain't workin' for me.

Come on, man, you look.

Brothers don't fire brothers, man.

We gotta stick together as a people.

Look, you better give me back my damn job or else.

Or else, what?

Or else, I'm gonna find another one.

I'll just be a proctologist.

Whole lot of openings for that one.

Hey, pop, is that Uncle Nate getting out of that taxi?

What the hell is he doin' here? He is supposed to be in Florida.

Hey! What you know good, big brother.

Wassup, Uncle Nate? What's happening?

Hey, pop it, baby. Oh, man.

- Wassup, man? - How's my favorite nephew?

- How you doin', baby? - Yeah.

What's it been? Four-five years, brah?

Man, you ain't changed a bit.

Neither did them clothes.

Aye, what happened to 'em big platform

shoes with the goldfish in 'em?

Man, them bad boys sprung

a leak and the fish died.

- But I'm still sharp. - Oh, yeah.

But give me the spin, come on, yeah!

(Shawn) 'Uncle Nate, what brings you back to New York?'

Warrants.

You know me, I'm just kiddin'.

I'll tell you why he's back.

He wanna borrow some money.

No, no, no, there you go again.

I didn't come here to borrow no money

I just came here to prove

to you that I can be a success.

And it's only gonna cost you $3000.

You see, you see. You haven't changed.

You only see him when he wanna borrow something.

- And you never get it back. - Oh, come on, man.

This time I got an idea that's gonna make up for everything.

I wanna buy a truck and start a delivery business.

Come on, man, Please, man, I need this.

Come on, pop. I believe him, man.

Look, he-he gettin' all misty-eyed.

(Marlon) That's it, babe, let it out.

Come on, pop, look at the little face.

'Look at it, pop, come on, what do you say?'

I say, forget it. I'm saving for a pizza oven.

Fine, fine, that's just fine. You just wait and see.

I'm gonna make it with or without the help of my family.

Well, make it without.

- Thanks for tryin', guys. - Oh, you got it, baby.

I guess I'll go on over to the YMCA.

Man, I can't believe pop did that to him.

Yeah, to his own baby brother.

You're still fired, Marlon.

Hey, it was worth a shot, hold on.

Hey, Uncle Nate.

Hey, Uncle Nate, sorry about Pops, man, he's trippin'.

Man, I'm 48 and he still

treat me like I'm 41.

Well, you can still prove yourself to him.

I mean, you can earn the money yourself.

Well, Uncle Nate, shoot, you can always

go down to the fertility bank and make a deposit.

Shoot, that's how I got these Jordans.

I'm thinkin' 'bout gettin' me a BMW next week.

So you think you guys could let me borrow $3000?

Man, what you smokin'?

I ain't got three cent.

Somebody just fired me.

Well, don't worry, Uncle Nate, I got an idea.

Check this out.

(Shawn) 'Alright, kid, so you straight with the plan?'

Yes, I'm straight with the plan for the thousandth time.

We're gonna fake a fight, then we're gonna make up

to show pop how brothers supposed really get along, okay.

- Pretty good, stupid. - Thank you.

Okay.

Hey, is that my shirt?

Yeah, you never wear it.

Boy, you better take my shirt off.

- No, man. - 'Take my shirt off.'

- It's cold in here-- - Take my shirt off.

- No! - Hey, hey.

No! No! No!

Aye!

[knocking on door]

- Oh, okay, that's pop. - Alright.

Alright, remember. Now we like each other.

- Okay. - We like each other.

We're fine. Okay, we're cool.

- Okay. We're cool. - We're cool.

- Alright. - Alright.

- Are you alright, man? - I see--

- Messy, messy, messy. - Thanks for inviting me over.

I would have brought your mama, but she's havin' her back waxed

and you know how long that takes.

Yeah.

Pop, yeah, we just invited you over

'cause we cooked you your favorite meal.

- Ow! - And, uh.. Ooh!

(Shawn) 'Marlon's gonna serve it to you.'

Why I gotta serve it? Look, I fried the baloney.

Well, I popped the middle one, it bubbled.

Okay, and stirred the Kool-Aid.

Fried baloney and Kool-Aid.

Just stand back. I get it myself.

No, no! Pop, pop, pop! You're a guest.

Let Marlon's lazy, no job-havin' behind get it.

Oh, that's low, man, why y'all call me lazy and no job-havin'?

You know I'm broke, man.

That hurts my feelin', no, I'm, we ain't cool, man.

Hey. Hey.

Oh, oh!

Man, why you treating me so bad..

...brother?

Oh, I'm so sorry for that, Marlon.

I would never mistreat my family blood

ever, ever, ever again.

Something just came over me like the chills.

You can have your job back, brother.

Oh, Lord...have mercy.

You gonna bless me with a angel of employment.

Thank you, brother.

You are the best brother

any brother could ever have.

Will you two stop it?

I've seen better acting on "Homeboys From Outer Space."

Whatever do you mean, pop?

I know what you boys are tryin' to do.

And I must admit I've been

kinda harsh on your uncle.

Well, good, so that means you gonna lend him the money?

Yes, I am gonna lend him the money.

- Good lookin' out, pop. - That's a good man, pop.

- Word up. - Represent.

- Oh! - Oh!

I've been thinking about it myself.

Maybe he'll come through this time.

And I can get my pizza oven next year.

Oh! That's a good man, pop.

- You did alright, man. - That's how you represent.

Let me go find Nate, and I'll tell him.

I'll see you boys.

Oh, pop, you don't want this?

Nah.

[Pops singing]

Alright, pop.

♪ I ain't got no job ♪

♪ I ain't got no food ♪

♪ Give me 25 cent ♪

♪ And I'll dance for you nude ♪

♪ Oh blues ♪

♪ I got my brother some other blue ♪

♪ Ah ♪♪

Say, girl.

And I work real hard too.

- Dee? - Yeah?

As a tenant of this building, I demand you do somethin'

about Tracy Chaplips over here.

♪ Tried to talk to a girl she was a witch ♪

♪ I'm glad she left ♪

♪ 'Cause her weed made me itch ♪♪

♪ Oh.. ♪♪

Sorry, Marlon, but we can't have no panhandling.

Oh, I wasn't panhandlin', I was beggin'.

(Dee) 'Oh, alright.'

(Shawn) 'Hey, pop.'

Hey, thanks again for hookin' Uncle Nate up, man.

- You represent it. - Thank you, son.

Yeah, I heard what you did for your brother.

I think it's wonderful.

Well, thanks, the only problem is

he's four hours late.

Did he say he wanted money for a truck, or the track?

Oh, Pops, don't go there now. You have to have faith.

I have to tell about the time he sold

a pit-bull to a blind man

for a seein' eye dog.

The other man's blind with no feet.

[horn blaring]

Hey, hey, y'all, look what I've got.

- Go on, check it out, bro. - See, pop.

I told you not to worry.

I don't believe this.

He bought a lunch wagon.

Oh, man, Uncle Nate, I didn't know

you was buyin' a catering truck.

Me neither, but when I got down to that auto auction

nobody was biddin' on that little honey.

So I picked it up for a song.

It better be the big payback.

Hey, I'll pay you back faster than Mark Fuhrman

can run through hollow.

My little naive brother, you just ignit.

Ignit!

Runnin' a restaurant is like a science.

Lot of things you have to learn.

How to turn the customers' leftovers..

...into chili?

I thought that chili tasted familiar.

Hey, you know, I know

I got a lot to learn about food.

But I got a feelin' about thisbusiness.

Ha ha. And you better be lookin' over your shoulder.

'Cause I just might be gainin' on you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just make sure that check

is dated first of the month.

You got it. I'll see you later.

I'm gonna get started right now.

- 'Alright, peace, man.' - Alright, man.'

See, pop. Don't you feel better about yourself?

I'd feel better when that check is the bank

and he's on the other side of town.

Yeah, let me get ready for the lunch rush.

[horn blaring]

Hey, uh, Pops.

I don't think you gonna have to worry about that lunch crowd.

- Check it out. - I don't believe this.

He parked that wagon directly across the street from me.

He's tryin' to steal my customers.

Oh, now relax. Come on, pop. Relax.

- Relax! - Come on, relax.

This is war. Dan-dan-dan-dan-dan.

I don't believe this. Dan-dan-dan-dan-dan.

I got his dan-dan-dan-dan-dan.

[instrumental music]

I can't believe this.

The truck that I bought is takin' away my customers.

Well, I'm sure there's a perfectly

good reason for that.

Yeah, I mean, like, you did go up on your prices now.

- That's not why. - Mm.

My brother's a backstabbin' snake.

Hi, peoples.

Hey, pop. Can I borrow some sugar and some, uh, mustard?

Yeah. Go ahead. Get all you want.

Good lookin' out, baby.

What do you want 'em for?

I got a job at Uncle Nate.

That's right, I got me a G-O-B.

You need a G-E-D.

Look, I'm the new vice president

in charge of...condiments.

- Put that down. - 'What?'

Are you out of your mind?

Hey, Marlon, Marlon, come on, man.

What? Didn't you get the sugar?

Oh, a school bus just broke down in front of the truck

and kids are jumpin' up for sweets.

There is the serpent himself.

What possessed you to park that stinkin'

damn roach coach in front of my damn diner.

'Cause I wanted to show you what a success I could be.

- Well, show me across town. - Why?

I got a prime location across the street.

What's a little competition amongst businessmen?

Did I mention..

...that everything's a dollar cheaper across at my place.

A dollar cheaper?

Oh,suki, suki

Ooh-hoo-hoo!

Oh, that's beautiful.

First you get my brain dead son to steal from me.

Then you chase my only customer outta here.

Get outta my diner!

- So can we borrow the stuff? - No!

Why not? Ain't like you usin' it.

Ain't like you got any customers.

- What are you doin'? - Alright, alright, alright.

Marlon, I can't believe you.

You tryin' to put your own father outta business.

Well, maybe, I wouldn't have..

...if you ain't fire me.

Shoot, besides

Uncle Nate is a much better boss.

Ain't that right? He even lets me read the magazines.

- What magazines? - Well, didn't you see?

Marlon talked me into puttin' a newsstand

in front of the truck.

Now we're making money hand over fist.

Now I'm about to make foot over ass.

Run, Uncle Nate. Run! Run!

- Go long! - Hey!

Go! Go! Go!

I can't believe that, Pops.

First they try to ruin your business and now

they're tryin' to take mine.

That's it, I know a couple of guys

who'll take care of them and that wagon for $50.

No, pop.

I know a better way.

'Let's go undercover.'

We're gonna beat them at their own game.

[instrumental music]

How do you do, cutie pie?

Mm. What's up, brown sugar?

Hey, Pop, he really does cook better than you.

Not better, just different.

Yeah, well, only difference is, it's better.

What is he doing that I'm not?

Taste it.

(both) Real meat.

That sneaky rat!

Oh, here they come. Hide your face. Hide you face.

How's everything, gentlemen?

Well, mighty fine.

But it's not as good as the guy

across the street over yonder.

Marlon, if I didn't know any better

I'd swear these two were spies.

(Marlon) 'Ah-ha!'

Industrial espio-manage-toi.

Just as I suspected.

I think they're tryin' to steal

your recipe for pickled pig feet.

No. I think they're over here lookin' for a job.

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

I want my money and I want it now.

Yeah or else we take the truck back.

Well..

...I was gonna pay you tonight

but since you're over here early..

...bam!

- Ha...ha...ha.. - Here's your $3000.

Plus interest.

Lick on it, lick on it, pop. Lick on it, lick on it.

Count that, count that money.

Lick it again.

How dare you pay me this money back?

You ain't gettin' away that easy.

I'm gonna...I'm gonna..

(Nate) You're gonna what?

I'm gonna get my sugar and my hot sauce back.

Oh, no, you ain't. No you won't!

- Where is my hot sauce? - Yo, yo! Get outta my kitchen!

[shouting]

[shouting continues]

[shouting continues]

[horn blaring]

(Pops) Hey, wait. We're moving!

[Marlon screaming]

Ah!

[crashing]

- Help, Dee! - Help, please.

Lord, I will never

steal again.

[instrumental music]

Come on, you guys. Let's cheer up.

You all should be grateful we're alive.

- Come on. - Yeah.

Thank God the tires wedged up against pop's meatloaf.

Or else we would have taken out at the whole lobby.

Look at this place. Look at my diner!

I don't think I'll ever get it back together again.

Hey, bro, take it easy.

My insurance company said they gonna pay for everything.

- 'Ooh!' - In-insurance?

- 'Yeah.' - Ah! Oh, God!

Oh, my neck!

Ah! Oh, my neck!

I got whiplash.

Ah, I'm suin' for work man's comp disability.

I'm havin' a seizure!

[indistinct chatter]

Come on, Marlon.

I can't believe, you got insurance, Nate.

That's probably the brightest thing

you've ever done in your life.

Shoot, the only reason I got insurance

so I can do everything the way you do it.

I don't have no insurance.

They took it away after the last mysterious fire.

That was no mysterious fire.

I remember all the rags

and the gasoline you had around--

Shh! Shh! Shh!

Now see, pop. Uncle Nate was just trying to be like you.

Yeah, don't you get it?

You always gave me money

but you never believed in me.

All I wanted was for you to keep the faith.

Well, I must admit you gave me a run for my money.

See, pop. Come on, man.

You can forgive your little brother.

Look at that face.

Yeah, but the-the good news is..

...there's enough insurance money left

for you to get that pizza oven.

What're you tryin' to say? You gonna buy me a pizza oven?

The least I could do for my big brother.

See, I guess, it ain't so bad that the truck got totaled.

And these powdered donuts are pretty good.

Powdered donuts?

I never ordered any powdered donuts.

Oh, you-you're eatin' plaster.

Well, you better put plaster on everything you serve.

These are good.

- Hey, big brother. - Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry I messed up on you.

And when I get that truck fixed

I'm takin' it down to the Jersey Shore.

Well, don't you move too far.

Family gotta live close to each other.

But the other side of Jersey will be fine.

What? What?

[instrumental music]

That's so beautiful.

- Okay, alright, alright. - Hold me.

Marlon, you can have your job back.

You can have your job back! You can have your job back!

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

(Shawn) 'Look up, Marlon. Say cheese.'