Original subtitles

Enjoy your coffee.

Yo, pop! Guess what?

Don't tell me Marlon got stuck in the trash chute again.

No. I got into that business class I was tellin' you about.

Taught by the man himself Marshall Mehlman.

Isn't he one that sold those junk bonds

and cheated people out of their life savings

and retirements and pensions.

- Yeah! - My boy, I'm so proud of you.

Of course, while I'm in class Marlon's gonna have to

take care of the newsstand.

Hmm, you think that's such a good idea?

Oh, yeah, pop, I mean, Marlon's been actin'

pretty responsible lately.

He even stopped sucking all the flavor

off the lemonheads and putting them back in the box.

Well, if you think he is mature enough to handle it

then I say go ahead.

Hey, Candy, Mike and Ike told me you was a freak.

Yeah, girl, they said you was good and plenty.

Oh, yeah? Well, they told me you was good and fruity.

Ain't nothin' wrong with a little Bit-O-Honey.

Okay, I will scratch your eyes out, what you wanna fight..

[screams]

[squealing]

Well, maybe I could find someone a little bit more mature.

Hey, kid. You need a job?

[theme song]

♪ We're brothers ♪

♪ We're happy and we're singin' and we're colored ♪

♪ Give me high five ♪♪

(male #1) 'Alright, cut and print. Beautiful, guys.'

'Dynamite. That is..'

♪ Girl what you got goin' on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Girl what you got going on tonight? ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ Won't you just chill with me tonight ♪

♪ I got something that you gonna like ♪

♪ I got something.. ♪♪

(Marlon) 'Come on, Shawn. Look, man.'

If I'm gonna be a equal partner in the newsstand..

...you gotta start usin' some of my ideas.

Marlon, we're not gonna use no strippers and sell "Playboy."

Why not?

'Cause it's a stupid idea

that's never gonna work.

Okay, what about prostitutes?

Look, I gotta go to my business class tonight

so you gonna have to lock up.

- Alright. - Alright, now.

Don't let me come back here and find no midget

mud wrestler selling' "Sports Illustrated."

Why, did shorty call?

Congratulations, Marlon.

- I hear you gonna be a partner. - Yeah.

I bet you glad for that bump in pay.

- What are you doin'? - Hey, yes, hey, Dee's right.

I should be gettin' my raise.

Look, Marlon, this ain't about what you should be gettin'.

This is about you showin' some responsibility.

Man, what you talkin' about?

I always wear a condom.

Marlon, the point is, you ain't gettin' no raise, okay?

Now, as a equal partner, you'll share equal profit.

I get 70 percent and you get 30 percent.

Right, just as long as we're equal.

Oh, always, brother.

Greetings, cats and coeds.

Oh, if it isn't little Michael from "Good Times."

All grown up, hmm.

Actually he looks more like Carlton from "Fresh Prince"

out of a garage sale.

- What is that smell? - Yeah.

That smell like stink feet, Afro-Sheen and Polo.

What's the matter? Never seen a college kid before?

Negro, you are 32.

What are you talkin' about my age for?

I've got five driver's licenses that say different.

What kind of class are you takin'?

Oh, it's a college course

my sorority soul sister.

Hope it's hygiene.

No, I'm taking the same course as Shawn

at the school of

[snaps fingers] "bid'ness."

Oh, man, don't tell me you're takin'

Marshall Mehlman's class too.

Oh, yeah. He's my number one idol.

Next to Morris Dick.

Yeah. Oh..

We could sit together. Oh, we can pass notes.

Oh! You can be my study buddy.

TC, the only study buddy you ever had

was Bubba from D Block.

I ain't there to hangout with you.

I'm here to network and expand my business connections.

Oh, then, brother, I got connections.

I'm known in every pawnshop and pool hall

in the tri-state area.

Yeah, for passin' bad checks.

Look, I don't want you sittin' next to me.

I don't want you talkin' to me.

I don't even want people to know that you know me.

Oh-h, okay.

I was gonna give you a ride to class

in my mama's Monte Carlo.

But I guess you can take the bus, hah!

Hold on, "Cooley High." Hey, bro.

Why can't two brothers get together and carpool?

Marlon, lock up.

Hey, don't worry about it.

With me here, everything's gonna run like clockwork.

Well, accordin' to my clock it's time for a break.

You know, Marlon, in all the time I worked here

I can't tell the difference between

your work time and your break time.

Well, I would explain that to you, uh, Bullets..

...but unfortunately I'm on my break.

Hmm.

Oh, you Gods of the heavens

my wretched soul beseeches thee.

Why has thou cast thy darkness

like a shadow upon this weak and mortal flesh?

Marlon, your annoying actress friend is here.

Stacey, what's your problem?

I'm in mourning for my life I tell you, mourning!

Morning? Girl, it's 5 o'clock in the afternoon.

You don't understand.

I have an audition tomorrow

for the Tisch School of the Performing Arts.

Oh, word, that school's kind of big time.

Everybody went there.

Alec Baldwin, Billy Crystal.

- Gary Coleman. Yeah. - Hmm.

"Diff'rent Strokes" was the bomb, yo!

(both) "Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

Yeah, well. Now I may never get to go.

My partner for the audition scene

got a gig on "All My Children."

"All My Children?" Which character? Chad, Brad, Tad?

- Hey! - What?

Don't any of those brothers have normal names

like Dupree or Malachite.

He's a stand-in for Chad.

You made me put down my Danish for that? Whoo.

Marlon, I don't suppose you'd help me with my audition.

Oh, no, Stacey, I ain't no actress.

Well, you don't... you don't need to act.

All you have to do is help me reveal, feed me my lines.

I'm sorry, Stacey, now that I'm a partner in this newsstand

I got to be more responsible.

I gotta be here to make sure things run smoothly. Sorry.

- That's okay. - Okay.

I guess, I'll just have to play mama

to somebody else.

Mama? Well, hello, mama!

It's quittin' time for big daddy.

Hey, mama, uh, we need any kind of special props?

Hey, Dee, let me use your handcuffs.

I need your club.

Yeah, that'll do. Hello, mama!

I suggest...you diversify.

Spreading your 500 over the trifecta

thereby tripling your betting power.

Uh-huh. Alright, baby.

No problems. Hah!

TC, are you takin' bets over the phone?

Uh, what I am doing is financial consulting.

What you're doin' is melting all my fiber optics

with your stink breath.

Shoo!

When I am through with this cause

I can hire somebody to freshen my breath.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just stop funkin' up my phone.

You're lucky, I need a free ride to school

or else you wouldn't even be here.

Oh, see, you're just mad

'cause you got all that homework to do.

No, no, no, Black Alfalfa.

We

Remember? We are study buddies.

Oh, that's right.

You study and I'm the buddy.

Marlon, the scene only works

if you say the lines as written.

But, Stacey, the scene don't make no sense.

And, by the way, when we get to sing

"I Heard It Through The Grapevine."

That's my jam, there. Whoo!

The play is "Raisin In The Sun."

Has nothing to do with The California Raisins.

Well, "Raisin In The Sun" ain't got nothin' on classic plays.

Like "Mama, I Want To Sing."

That was a classic.

♪ Mama ♪

♪ Oh mama ♪

♪ I wanna sing mama ♪

Now, that's acting.

- Hey, what's up, yo! - What's up with you?

Why y'all movin' my furniture around?

Oh, 'cause we got to rehearse

for this audition scene.

Yeah, the scene requires a-a really clean

but rundown apartment.

Well, we don't need clean, it's just a rehearsal.

Hey-hey. Well, hold up.

Y'all ain't rehearsin' in my living room.

- We're studyin'. - Oh, come on, Shawn.

Where else we gonna put the audience?

What audience?

[doorbell ringing]

[knock on door]

- Hey. - Hey, pop!

Alright.

[instrumental music]

Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

[mumbling]

[mumbling]

Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

♪ We're expectin' a change ♪

♪ We're expectin' a change ♪

What the hell are you doin'?

I don't know. I'm doin' whatever you're doin'.

- I'm tryin' to loosen up. - Oh, well..

You know, I can loosen you real good in the bedroom, girl.

Come on.

Come on, Marlon, in-in this scene, I'm..

I'm supposed to be filled with anger and disapproval..

- Boo-yah! - I'm ready.

I always knew Marlon had talent

ever since he play that drumstick

in the Thanksgiving pageant.

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

He never even came out.

He was backstage gettin' busy

with a little breast.

- Shh, quiet. - White meat, brother.

Quiet, shh, quiet now, they are about to start.

Stop. Shh, shh.

[sighs]

Action.

[laughing]

You're makin' an awful pain inside me, son.

Son? Wait a minute.

I didn't know you was supposed to be playin' my mother.

I told you I was gonna be your mama.

I thought you meant hoochie mama.

Did you read the scene?

Well, you know, I-I didn't get a chance to get around to it.

But, hey, I just want to keep it real.

Yeah, well, just read the scene.

[imitating Stacey] Just read the scene.

You're makin' an awful pain inside me, son.

You're makin' somethin' inside me cry.

Well, you know, that's the complain I have

with all the ladies.

[laughing]

Marlon!

[cheering]

- Aah! - Marlon.

That is not the line. Will you just read the line as written?

Come on, man, you're dyin' out there.

I'm just tryin' to provide some laughter.

Yeah, but this isn't "Def Comedy Jam."

It is my audition.

Oh, you wait till I tell to Russell Simmons about that.

Thank you, all, for coming down.

Walter Lee, I come from five generations

of slaves and sharecroppers and--

Then why are you so light-skinned, mama?

[all laughing]

[applause]

[cheering]

And ain't nobody in my family never let nobody..

...give 'em no money that was a way of tellin' them

they wasn't fit to walk the earth.

- We ain't never been that poor. - Oh-kay.

We ain't never been that dead inside.

Marlon!

Stop it with your stupid jokes

You're just a no talent fathead.

Hey, hey, hey. You're goin' off book, missy.

- That's not in the script. - Yeah?

Well, now it's my turn to keep it real, okay?

- I'm out of here. - Oh, come on.

Some people can be so unprofessional.

- God. - Wow!

Come on, mama, I wanna sing. Mama, I wanna act.

Mama, I wanna be breastfed, mama.

[laughing]

Hey, y'all, I think mama's mad at me.

..my man thought she was cute.

(Dee) 'Well, you and Stacey patch things up?'

Oh, come on, now, you know, I'm still on for that audition.

She knows I'm way too important to that scene.

She couldn't find anybody else, huh?

Nah.

Yo, kid, you need to stack these magazines, yo!

Stack magazines? Come on, Shawn, what's..

What's my motivation?

How about my foot in your ass?

- That works for me. - Yeah. Good.

Yo, kid, did you see how I had them laughin'?

They were howlin' at everything I said.

Yeah, they were laughin', alright, only one problem.

- It was a drama. - Hey, look here.

Forget the scene. Point is, I made 'em laugh.

Oh, yeah, they were laughin' at you.

See, but this time I wanted them to. That's the difference.

Yo, kid. I'm an entertainer.

Ah-aa, finally found my callin' baby!

Oh, ho, ho! Snap money, oh, man.

Yo, you know what else is callin'? These magazines.

They're sayin' they need to be stacked.

No, they ain't. You hearin' voices.

Look, Marlon, if you're gonna be my partner

then you gonna have to start taking this job seriously.

Or maybe I don't wanna be your partner.

What are you talkin' about?

To hell with this newsstand. I wanna act.

Come on, kid, you're buggin', man. You can't quit this job.

You walk out every other week and you always wind up

comin', crawlin' right back.

Yeah? Well, not no more.

Look here, Shawn, selling magazines..

That might be a'ight for you, but me..

I'm gonna be on the cover.

Yeah, the cover of "MAD" magazine.

[mumbling]

Come on, kid, be realistic, man. This job is perfect for you.

Where else are you gonna find a job, where they gonna pay you

for sittin' on your butt all day long?

Guys, will one of you get me another brownie?

I'd go myself, but my leg fell asleep.

Alright, bad example.

But you gotta be honest, chief.

Our newsstand is known for bringin'

the finest honeys in town.

Hey, hey, do you boys sell anything for lice?

- Eww. - Yeah, you're right.

How could I ever leave this job?

[Dee snapping fingers]

You know how many people try to become actors and never make it?

- Man! - Phew!

I'm giving you a opportunity to work with me

and build some security for yourself.

How, Shawn? By selling newspapers?

Come on, man. Be real.

Look, Marlon, bein' an actor is not a easy job.

It's hard work. It takes hard work, discipline and focus.

Come on, stop tryin' to talk me out of it.

Look, what's so hard about puttin' on some dark shades

signin' autographs, and havin' orgies?

Oh, well, I guess you got it all figured out, huh, smarty?

Except for one little small thing.

- What? - It's called talent.

Oh, so, what you're tryin' to say? I'm no good?

No, I would never say that. I'd say you stink.

- Oh, so-so now, I stink, huh? - Well, you always stunk.

But now everybody else gonna know about it.

You know what, I got no talk for this man, I got an audition.

Come on, kid, let's stack these magazines.

No, Shawn, you stack the magazines

'cause that's what you're good at.

Hey, what's wrong with you?

For my prison has been extended but a little.

And no bars of iron

will ever again

entrap...my heart.

[audience clapping]

Miss Jackson, that was theworst

since, Sheila E. was in "Krush Groove."

The only line you need to memorize is..

"Do you want paper or plastic?"

Thank you.

[crying]

Moving right along

our next candidate is Stacey Fuller.

Oh, I'm, uh, I'm sorry, Professor Lovejoy

but my partner isn't here yet.

Okay, then we'll wait.

Time's up, thank you.

'Michelle.'

Wai-wait, there he is.

Dazzle me.

- Where the hell have you been? - Let's just do the scene.

Alright, you're sure you know your lines?

[murmuring]

You're makin' an awful pain inside me, son.

You're makin' somethin' inside me wanna cry.

Oh, come on, mama.

Mama, don't cry. Mama, just understand.

This white man's about to come in here

and be able to pay us more money than we've ever had, mama.

And it's important to him.

And I'mma help him.

I'mma put me on his show.

Walter Lee..

I come from five generations of slaves and sharecroppers

and ain't nobody in this family

never let no one give 'em no money

that was a way of tellin' us we wasn't fit to walk the earth.

We ain't never been that poor.

We ain't never been that dead inside.

What is with you all?

I didn't make this world, it was given to me this way.

Hell, yeah, I want some yacht someday.

And you're damn right I wanna put some real pearls

on my wife's neck. What, mama?

Ain't my wife supposed to have real pearls, ma?

Tell me, who decides what woman shall have real pearls

in this world, and who shouldn't?

Mama, I am a man.

And I say my wife should have some pearls on her neck.

[audience clapping]

What are you doin' here?

You didn't go to your brother's audition?

Hell, no, I can always see Marlon

make a fool out of himself.

Besides, I have inventory to do.

I guess somebody gotta take care of the newsstand.

Well, you should be supportin' your brother.

Pop, I gave that boy the perfect opportunity

to make somethin' of himself. What does he do?

He throws it all away to become Denzel Washington.

And you think he should stay in business with you?

That's right.

Sort of like me wantin' you to be

in business with me at the diner?

Exactly.. No, wait, hold up. That's completely different.

That's right, because I encouraged you.

I even loaned you the money for your newsstand.

And by the way, where is this month's payment?

Oh, that's.. It's in the mail.

I'mma keep you there.

Mail? What mail? Pony express?

Come on, pop, you and I both know

that Marlon is gonna fall flat on his face.

That's the same thing your mother said

about you and the newsstand.

She did? I always thought ma was behind me.

Eh-eh. Forget I said that, forget it, forget it.

Look, the point is, it's better to try somethin'

and fall flat on your face than not try it at all.

So, ma really thought I was gonna fail?

Did the word "fail" come out of her mouth?

It ain't about your mama, we're talkin' about Marlon.

And to think, I took her big behind to IHOP brunch

on Mother's Day.

Son, let it go.

That's the last woody, tooty fresh and fruity

that woman's ever gonna get out of me.

- Shawn? - No, hey-hey..

No, no sweat off my back. I'm cool.

And see, son, Marlon has a dream.

And no matter how dumb or unreachable we think it is

we don't have the right to take it from him.

Oh, you think about that.

A-an-and, while you're thinking, un-un-un, get to sweepin'.

- Hey, what's up, kid? - What's up, kid!

- Yo, where's pop? - Oh, he's in the kitchen.

- Hey, wait. Hold on. - What's up?

How did your audition go?

Why, you got some more jokes, Eddie Murphy?

[chuckles]

Look, man, I'm sorry, I know I've been

a little hard on you lately.

Hey, you should be apologizin' to me.

Yeah, I will. Maybe I said a couple of things

I shouldn't have said.

Look, man, I just want you know

no matter what you choose to do in life..

...I always got your back, G.

- Word? - Word. You know how we do it.

Thanks, man.

So, how did Stacey do?

Uh, not too good.

She didn't get the scholarship.

Oh, man, damn, that's too bad.

But I did.

I start in the fall. Yay!

Get off of me, boy.

- Are you serious, man? - Yeah.

Who were the.. Who the hell were the judges?

- What do you mean? - I mean.. Ha ha. I mean..

Congratulations, kid!

I always knew you could do it. All along, I tell you, man.

[screams] Get off me.

Yo, son, the Knicks are playing the Clippers tonight.

Oh, come on, man, I can't believe

their Brant Barry won the Slam Dunk championship.

OP's he's got game. I don't care what you say.

Oh, come on, Shawn, the fix was in.

Can't no white boy dunk like that.

Yo, wanna play some one on one?

Brant, nice dunkin', kid.

I guess white men can jump, huh?

Good shot, OP.

(Shawn) Look up, Marlon, say "Cheese."