Original subtitles

I am unhappy, Mr. Buckets.

I can't imagine why. (laughs nervously)

(clattering)

So, the pitching machine, that was my fault.

But I've never actually

been specifically told not to do that...

and that broken pot, that's... that's more of like

a one-in-a-million fluke.

No responsibility for your actions.

Mr. Buckets, I am placing you on zero-tolerance probation.

If you break just one more rule,

your Saturdays belong to me for the rest of the year.

What? But I told you, it wasn't my...

All right, fine, I just won't get in trouble again.

-(scribbling) -You're currently drawing

an insulting picture of me.

That is also not my fault.

(theme music playing)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

As you know, there has been an increase in mischief,

and mischief-related behavior

in our once proud school hallways.

Hey, guys, what's going on?

We're getting a hall monitor.

What about the honor system?

It turns out the honor system was a failed experiment

and hippie garbage... proposed of course

by our misguided guidance counselor, Mr. Harris.

(ethereal music playing)

You're fired.

I don't want to see you again in my life.

Get a job, hippie.

"Eli the Hall Monitor."

I knew this day would come.

Seriously?

Yeah, I've been unofficially monitoring the halls

as a hobby for years.

Speed violation.

And that's a bingo.

We need harsher and swifter rule enforcement for all of you,

even though we all know most of the recent trouble

can be traced back to a single source.

(wild west music plays)

So, with that in mind, I am proud to introduce

the school's new hall monitor:

Gregory, the robot.

Back away, troublemakers.

Demerits will be issued. (beeps)

Oh, come on! A robot?

Just smile and nod, bud.

It was only a matter of time.

The robots will be ruling us all soon.

-(yelps) -Do not touch Gregory.

Demerit issued. (beeps)

Voice mimicry, facial recognition,

and the latest in rule-enforcement technology.

Gregory will ensure that every single one of you is

in strict accordance with even the most minor school rules,

even though, once again, most of the recent

trouble can be traced back to a single source.

(overlapping chatter)

Oh, come on!

This is seriously not my fault!

(beeps, whirs)

Do you realize how perfect this is, Belinda?

I know! 71 degrees, low humidity,

mild winds out of the south-southwest.

This is picnic weather!

No.

I mean, do you realize how perfect it is that

Kirby is just one wrong move away from permanent Saturday detention?

Do you know what we could do with all of that Kirby-free time?

Don't you dare say "picnic".

(chuckles)

Okay, so I got this big bowl of guac,

which is actually just cat food and food coloring,

and then we add a sign that says,

"Enjoy the guac. Love, Kirby" and then voila!

Instant Saturday detention for the rest of Kirby's life.

I can't get in trouble!

I'm on the verge of getting

"My child has a spotless record" bumper sticker.

You can't buy one of those, Dawn.

I've tried.

We're not gonna get in trouble, Belinda.

That's what the sign is for.

(Principal Mitchell) Unclaimed guac?

-Oh, you don't want that yet. -Don't be silly.

It's always guac o'clock.

And this is exactly the kind of horse-play

and monkeyshines that will no longer be tolerated.

Chewing of gum is forbidden. (beeps)

Demerit issued. (beeps)

Dress code violation.

Shirt untucked.

Demerit issued. (beeps)

Dress code violation.

Shirt too tucked.

Demerit issued. (beeps)

(groans)

Thanks, Kirby.

I can't believe I'm getting blamed

for this whole robot hall monitor thing.

It's like I have a target on my back or something.

I'm telling you, I got this!

(blows hard)

What happened?

Did I hit the target?

(sighs)

Well, you do tend to cause a lot of trouble in the halls.

And in class...

and in the cafeteria...

also at my house.

By the way, you can't come over this weekend.

Hey, I'm the victim here!

Principal Mitchell knows I can't get in any more trouble,

but he brings in a robot

just begging to be messed with.

Life is so unfair.

You don't want to mess with any robots, Kirb.

Trust me, the robot apocalypse is coming,

and when it does, you wanna be on their good side.

Observe.

Hey, Gregory!

My man! What's going on?

Keep walking.

-Okie dokie. -(beeps)

(whirring)

Demerit issued.

Stupid job-stealing robot.

Nice red eyes, dummy.

Littering.

(beeps)

Oh! (giggles)

I'm sorry. I never litter.

I never drop anything on purpose...

a ball, a topic of conversation.

At a party, people ask me to drop a beat, and I won't do it.

Demerit issued. (beeps)

What?

Come on!

I have a spotless record,

which will soon be reflected

on my spotless record bumper sticker.

Back talk detected.

Demerit issued. (beeps)

Gregory, this has gone on long enough!

Being the hall monitor isn't about issuing demerits.

It's about using good judgment,

and kindness, and...

Additional back talk detected.

Demerit issued. (beeps)

Oh, come on! He was just...

(sighs, inhales)

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

You seem like a reasonable...

-Assault in progress. -"Assault"?

-I'll have you know I... -(Gregory's camera clicks)

Photo taken as evidence.

This is exactly why we should have human hall monitors!

That's it!

I'm giving you a citizen's demerit.

That's not a thing.

Demerit issued.

-(screams) -(crashing)

So yeah, everybody at school kinda hates me,

but at least I didn't get in trouble

by that stupid robot today.

That's somethin', right?

(camera clicks) Kirby buckets.

Aiding and abetting theft of Gregory.

Demerit issued. (beeps)

You know, in a lot of ways, this is kinda your fault.

You guys kidnapped Gregory?

I'm sorry! We panicked!

I've just never been around that many demerits before.

And I have a bumper sticker on the line, Kirby!

A bumper sticker!

Hey, Gregory, um, I just want you to know

that I had nothing to do with this, okay?

Some of my best friends are machines.

See?

(metal guitar riff)

I don't ask about your robot,

you don't ask about mine.

Guys, we need to do something quick!

As soon as Mitchell finds out that the robot's gone,

he's gonna think that I did it!

Who knows? Maybe he won't even realize it's missing.

(phones vibrate, beep, ring)

Students of Forest Hills,

our beloved robot hall monitor, Gregory,

has been kidnapped.

For information leading to his safe return,

or the capture of his kidnappers,

I am offering a bounty of $10,000...

in Mitchell bucks,

redeemable at school-sponsored bake sales,

my personal app store,

or for anything with a purple tag

at my cousin Ramone's garage sale next weekend.

Come in tightly. Come in tight.

And if you want to collect the bounty,

I suggest you start at Kirby Buckets' house,

because I am, like, 99% sure he did it.

(knocking)

(Dawn) Kirby, I know he's in there!

Hide him!

Unhand Gregory.

Hey, Dawn.

Fancy seeing you here.

Don't play that.

What are you doing here?

I... am also here to bust Kirby.

I am so onto you, Buckets!

(Gregory beeps)

-What was that? -What was what?

Uh, look, Dawn, I've already checked

the bathroom, and trust me, you do not wanna go in there.

It was me.

I am not proud of what happened in there.

Ew. Gross.

I think we should check the rest of the house.

I know you're behind this, and when I bust you,

you're gonna have a lot more than Saturday detentions to worry about.

You'll probably get expelled enough to go to a boarding school,

and instead of Kirby-free Saturdays,

it'll be Kirby-free every days,

and the long, painful road that has been my life

will have been worth it.

Okay. Good to know, Dawn. Bye.

Okay, I've got a plan.

What if we take this box-of-batteries out back

and hit it with hammers until there's nothing but scrap metal?

I mean, we'd need to find a new hall monitor,

but I'm sure a very qualified

human candidate would come forward.

Talking about me.

Humans, am I right?

You can't live with them, you can't live without

the ones named "Fish."

Hey, do you need anything? Are you thirsty?

Hey, that's my water!

Gregory is our guest.

You should treat him with kindness.

One: He's not a guest,

he's a job-stealing pile of wires.

Two: He can't drink

because he's a job-stealing pile of wires!

-You know, I'm sick and tired of... -Guys, cut it out!

You're gonna...

(short circuiting, popping)

(powers down)

-What did you guys do? -I...

(powers up)

Memory corrupted.

Reboot successful.

Hello. Where am I?

Uh... you're in my bedroom.

How did I get...

(Kirby's voice) in my bedroom?

(both chuckle)

That's actually sort of a funny story.

You, uh...

Take Gregory to Mr. Spiner.

Wait, Mr. Spiner?

You don't think he means...

Spi-borg.

He prefers "Mr. Spiner."

Yeah, didn't he used to be

the school's computer science teacher?

He was, but I heard he went crazy trying

to turn himself into a half-robot.

I heard he experimented on any kids that

come too close to his house.

(Eli) We can't go there!

Do you know what'll happen to us?

(scary music plays)

(whirring)

Whoa!

(screams)

Wait...

maybe he can turn me into a half-robot.

I'd be the best of both worlds.

Worshiped by men and robots!

Plus, I've always wanted a super strong robot hand.

I think we should take Gregory back.

I don't know. I think we're just better off destroying him.

In the end, it's kinder this way.

Aim for the face.

Don't destroy Gregory.

Gregory can help Kirby never get demerits again.

-Wait, no more demerits? How? -You'll see.

You'll see. Take Gregory to Mr. Spiner.

(sighs) Okay.

-Let's take him back. -Yes!

So, you were definitely in Kirby's room

to bust him, right?

Bust him and dust him. (laughs nervously)

-Why? -(Gregory beeps)

Principal Mitchell... I found your robot.

Dawn, please.

Everyone knows how terrible you are.

You don't have to prove it.

Sorry, loser.

This hunk of junk is going back to Principal Mitchell,

and... you know what happens then.

(chuckles)

Kirby Buckets, I hereby forgive you.

Also, you now have cool wings to fly...

like a hawk.

Now, allow me to sing you a theme song

as you fly away to glory.

(metal guitar riff)

♪ Kirby Buckets ♪

♪ You live inside the heart of every man ♪

♪ Oh, how I wish ♪

♪ I was you-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo ♪

(screams)

I don't know what you're imagining right now,

but it's definitely not what's going to happen.

Accessing Dawn's cell phone. (beeps)

What? What? What's he doing?

Calling Gabe Michaels.

-(Gregory rings) -Oh, no, no, no!

Do not call him!

-He's the cutest guy in school! -(Gregory clicks)

-(Gabe) Hello? -(imitates Dawn) Hi. Gabe?

This is Dawn Buckets.

You're an athlete, right?

I'm calling because I have the worst case

of athlete's foot on my big, gross feet.

Also diarrhea.

-(all laugh) -Goodbye.

(hitting Gregory)

-What have you done? -(continues hitting Gregory)

-Ugh! -(laughter)

You know what, robot?

I'm startin' to like you.

Broken taillight.

Bet you didn't catch that.

Some monitor you are.

Hey, so what's Spiner got that's gonna keep me out of trouble?

Is it a memory eraser? Invisibility device?

You'll see.

Almost there.

Hey, let me run a few ideas past you guys.

So, would you be more or less likely to worship me

if I had this for a hand?

Less likely because you'd be a traitor to the human race,

but more likely to make pancakes.

Gregory likes it. (beeps)

Thank you, Gregory.

-Let's go. -(laughs)

Ms. Buckets, care to explain why my robot catchers have

no robot to catch?

You spend your whole life...

trying to look cool...

and trying to cover up every possible physical flaw...

and now, Gabe Michaels thinks...

that I have big, gross, athlete's-foot feet.

(whispers) Don't forget diarrhea.

I just want to say whatever these no-good hooligans did,

at least we can all rest assured that

my record is still 100% clean.

When do those bumper stickers get distributed?

I don't have time for this nonsense.

Where is my robot?

No idea.

They said something about some Spi-borg person, if that helps.

Oh, yes.

It helps.

(snaps)

Home, sweet home.

(Eli) You think those bars on the windows are

to keep people out or keep people in?

I don't know what you're talking about.

-It seems fine to... -(growls)

Aah! I regret everything!

(sighs) All right.

Let's go around this way.

Whoa, this place is creepy.

(buzzing)

Whoa.

-(gasps) -Wow.

(robotically) Welcome to my lair.

(screams)

(beeps)

Gregory?

Gregory!

Come on, man. You are embarrassing Gregory.

Oh! Thank you. Thank you for bringing him back.

And I'm sorry if I scared you.

I like to pretend.

Um, so Gregory promised me something about, uh,

never getting in trouble again, so...

Gregory may have lied.

I programmed Gregory to say whatever he needs to get home.

Should've destroyed him.

Just sayin'.

So wait, you're not a super crazy cyborg-obsessed weirdo?

Uh, no. I'm just a normal,

everyday guy... who got fired

from his teaching job because be built a robot to slow dance with.

So graceful,

like an electric swan.

-Wow. -Mitchell said I had to reprogram him,

and when I refused, he fired me.

That robot was built with school materials

and is therefore school property.

-Boys. -(Gregory) No, stop!

Robot brothers, help Gregory.

(hums)

(beeps)

(whirs)

The robot uprising.

It has begun!

(whirring)

(buzzes)

(whirs)

(scoffs)

(crashes)

I am defeated.

Just kidding.

By the way, you three are in a lot of trouble.

Wait, all this is my fault, right?

If I wasn't getting in trouble all the time,

then you wouldn't have needed

a hall monitor in the first place.

So, just expel me.

Leave Eli and Fish out of this

and let Gregory stay here.

Because without me at school, you wouldn't need him anyway.

That won't be necessary, Kirby.

I know the real reason you got Gregory.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Every semester, the superintendent wants

you to hand out a certain number of punishments.

You're short, so you needed a robot

to help so you didn't have to fake the numbers

like you did last semester.

How did you know about that?

I monitor everything.

-(ringing) Calling superintendent. -Stop. Stop!

Fine. No expulsions... but I'm keeping the robot.

Uh, sorry... cheaters don't get robots,

and I'm putting you on citizen's probation.

Okay, well, that... that's not a thing, but fine.

Spi-borg can keep his garbage robot.

Let's go.

Wait, so this wasn't my fault the whole entire time?

Why didn't you tell me?

I guess part of me wanted you to take some responsibility.

Plus, I forgot.

Thank you boys so much for saving Gregory.

I don't know how to repay you.

Normally I'd say super cool robot arm,

but if that's what the robot uprising

is gonna look like, count me out.

That was not the real robot uprising.

Wait, so... so it is still happening?

Tell me when!

I don't know, but you may want

to stay inside on the date of October...

(powers down)

Battery's dead.

What... what...

October what?

(yells) October what?

(Dawn) Gabe, wait!

I promise I don't have athlete's foot,

and I certainly don't have diarrhea.

(whistle)

Watch your language, sister...

'cause I came to this hallway to do two things:

kick butt and chew bubblegum.

Bubble gum's not allowed in this hallway.

Hyah!

-(whistles) -Whistle all you want!

They discontinued the bumper stickers!

-(whistles) -Who cares, Eli?

Honestly, I don't care!

(emphatically) I don't care!

I... I... I don't care!

I really don't care!

Kirby Bucket list.

Blugh!

(pops)

-Sorry. -(laughter)

Califor-nee-ya.

-Right? Bless you. -(sneezes)

(Man) Well...

Back to one hippie robot.

(laughs) Uh-oh.

(Man) Cut! Very good!