Original subtitles

(Kirby) Look eggnog, snow, and Santa are nice,

but let's be honest. Christmas is all about the presents.

Sometimes, you get exactly what you want.

(whisper) Yes! Perfect!

My brand new electronic volumizing hair brush.

-I'm gonna look so good. -(grinding sound)

(screams)

(Kirby) But you have to be careful what you wish for.

Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

(Kirby) Because you just might get it.

They couldn't wait three more days.

(chuckles)

(theme music playing)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

I'm telling you, Kirby,

Santa is definitely a vampire.

How else do you explain that he only travels at night?

Plus, I have it on good authority

that vampires love milk and cookies.

Eli, do you really believe that?

Well, now that you say it like that, I don't.

Hey, what's going on with you, man?

You've been in a bad mood all week.

I'm sorry, it's just... it's really tough being an artist around Christmas.

Everybody expects me to make them things.

I mean, I gotta make cards for all my relatives,

the decorations for Mister Krause's room,

-ornaments for Gil's tree, -(Animations) Hey! Me!

Then my parents want me to make them homemade wrapping paper

'cause they don't think store bought is jolly enough.

I don't know how I'm gonna get all of it done.

Mister Buckets, you pulled a bait and switch on me.

You baited me with the promise of an elf that could make discipline cool,

and then you switched it with this garbage elf.

It's not... that bad.

Fix it.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

Fa-la-la.

(electric guitar rock riff)

Great. Just what I needed, more work.

Wait.

You're coming to my holiday party tonight, right?

I'm gonna try.

Fish went all out on this thing.

Yeah. It's gonna have everything.

12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, ten...

Lords a-leaping. I get it.

No! Ten different types of eggnog.

What kind of party has lords a-leaping.

(Belinda) "Celebrate the holiday by bringing your Dawnation."

Like donation. Get it?

"All gifts will go to the less fortunate."

Aw, Dawn, it's so nice of you to give back like this.

You're really embracing the true meaning of christmas.

Belinda, the true meaning of christmas

is to get as many gifts as you possibly can.

I'm keeping everything.

But, I thought you said, "it was going to the less fortunate."

I am less fortunate than a lot of people

like Beyonce, for example.

Dawn, as your best friend, I feel it's my responsibility to...

are those matching outfits?

They sure are.

Objection withdrawn.

(French horn plays poorly)

Mom.

Mom.

Mom!

Oh, sorry.

Couldn't hear you over the holiday magic

wafting from this French horn.

How about we, uh, skip all the cards this year. Save some paper.

I mean, christmas is hard enough on trees as it is.

No, I'm sorry.

Do you know what everyone's favorite holiday tradition is?

Yeah. Watching Dawn get infuriated by tinsel.

(grunts) (yells)

Stupid tinsel!

Yeah, sure.

But everyone's second favorite holiday tradition

is your christmas cards.

They really do mean a lot to the whole family, Kirb.

Guess who just got back from a trip down memory lane.

I did.

Courtesy of one of Kirby's old cards.

(Dad) "Stashing through the snow."

I love that one.

That's good, right?

You know, I was actually thinking of growing a mustache

before I got this little doozie of a wake-up call.

Hey, baby bro.

So, I'm putting together this little Christmas charity event,

and it would be so great if you could make some signs.

Could you do that?

Seriously?

It's for the less fortunate.

It's for the less fortunate, Kirb.

Kirb, it's for the less fortunate.

(sigh)

Bawk! Hey.

When you're done with that... bawk!

Remember you promised you'd draw me a real leg for Christmas.

Turns out, this one's just a drum stick.

Is that so?

Bawk!

The chicken speaks the truth.

This horn has tormented us long enough.

We'll tell her it was stolen.

Do me a favor.

Say you got a look at the guy, and draw a picture of him. Great.

Thank you.

(phone beeps)

(Kirby) You are missing a great party.

Man, I wish I never learned how to draw. (echo)

Ehh.

Dawn? What did you do to my room?

Whoa!

Huh?

Horn to be wild?

Finally! You're up!

Do you know how long it's been since we hung out?

Answer: too long.

Okay, Dawn, where's all my stuff? Where's my art?

By art, do you mean heart?

Because I'm pretty sure you know half your heart belongs to me, bestie.

Get it off!

Sibling, you just threw our "sib bling!" We have fun.

All right, but hurry up and get ready, so we can hang out before school.

Mmm. You hear that bacon sizzling?

That is the sound of mother nature's drum roll

getting you ready to show that little Maggie Stern

that there is only one French hornist in Forest Hills,

and his name is Kirby Buckets.

What? Ka-pow!

What are you talking about?

And since when do you say "ka-pow?"

I hope you're acting strange because you were up all night studying sheet music.

Okay. I'm gonna go back up to my room and keep drawing.

-(Dad) Drawing? -Dad?

You've never drawn anything in your life.

What are you talking about? I draw cartoon characters all the time.

Ehh.

What's going on?

See? What did I tell ya?

The only thing we draw in this house, is attention to my mustache.

(screams)

Oh, no.

I can't draw!

No, this can't be happening. This can't be happening!

It's no use, Kirby.

What's going on? Why are all of you guys ghosts?

Because your wish came true.

You never learned to draw, and that includes us.

Instead, you put all your creative energy

into the french horn.

Or as the french call it, "le poo-poo."

Uh, wait. Do ghosts feel pain?

No!

What's the point of being the world's greatest stunt chicken now?

(Dad) Who you talking to, Kirb?

Oh, you know. The walls.

Are you okay?

If not, do me a favor and channel it into that French horn. (tongue click)

what are you talking about? I don't even know how to play the French horn. See?

(plays "Deck The Halls")

-(Mom) (laughs) -(Dad) Nice.

Now that is what concert-ready sounds like.

Speaking of concert-ready, I gotta hit the mustache spa.

Keep this baby looking tight for Kirby's big night.

And that's when I learned that Christmas trees

are really government listening devices.

You know, this combo of sweat pants and overalls is perfect.

Comfort, function, and zero effort.

And really...

Also super absorbent.

(laughs)

You've gotta be kidding me.

Without you to challenge and inspire them,

Eli believes every crazy thing he reads online.

And Fish? Well, Fish just never learned to care.

Or do laundry, apparently.

Well, friends or not, I'm gonna need some help.

Hey, Fish, Eli. It's me, Kirby.

Kirby Buckets.

Ha! Yeah, like that's a real name.

Who sent you? C.I.A.? F.B.I.?

(loudly) Lunch lady Helen?

(blows raspberry)

I'm on to ya, Helen!

Boys, boys, boys! Please!

You know how I feel about yelling.

It upsets my stomach.

(Eli and Fish) Sorry, Principle Jenkins.

Principle Jenkins?

The road to trouble starts with trouble, boys.

(Jenkins) You don't want to end up at the troubled school.

I'm scared of going there, and I'm a full grown man.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go to my office, and watch cartoons.

Whoa, that's the maddest I've ever seen him.

What do you want?

I'm in a pretty big jam,

and I think you two are the only ones who can help me.

(burp)

well, I'm awake now, so whatever.

Okay, "Kirby," we'll help you.

First...

We need to know we can trust you.

Donations, donations, donations, please!

Put a smile on your face

by putting one on the face of someone less fortunate.

It's pointless, you know.

No one's gonna give to your lousy little charity

because deep down, people are cowards

with rotting little maggot hearts.

When will children learn that Santa will never understand them?

No one will understand them.

Wait a minute.

Why should I rely on people to give back

when I have more than enough possessions of my own?

I should just give all of my stuff to the less fortunate.

I can't believe I've been so selfish.

(crying) I'm sorry, guys!

I'm gonna do better!

I, Kirby Buckets, hereby denounce the puppet government

and the alien overlords who pull their strings.

I agree that the government conspired to fake the moon landing,

prevent cats from speaking,

and hide the fact that Abraham Lincoln was a robot.

And?

And Fish should be allowed to sleep in his sweat-veralls.

Okay, we can trust you. How can we help?

I made a really stupid wish that I never heard how to draw,

and I need to find a way to undo that wish.

Look, you wanna know how to undo a wish?

It's easy, because wishes aren't real!

If they were, these sweat-veralls would have one of those flaps in the back

so you could go to the bathroom.

No, Fish. Wishes are real.

And lucky for you, I've read a lot of online literature about how to undo them.

'Scuse me. Nope, sorry.

Which one's the wish bone?

Woop.

I'm still onto you, helen!

I'm telling you. It's wish upon a scar.

Pass.

You wanna bite off my lucky fingernail?

Pass.

Hard pass.

(grunt)

I really thought it would work this time!

Well, we tried everything.

Nothing worked.

Maybe I'm just stuck here forever.

On the plus side, though, these smoothies are delicious.

That's what the government wants me to think.

I can't believe we've never come here before.

It kinda makes me wanna start going out and doing things again.

(joints crack)

Nah.

Seriously?

You were good at drawing?

Too good, actually.

Everybody wanted me to draw stuff for them.

I just got so busy with work for other people

that it just stopped being fun.

Well, that's your problem.

Gil, what happened to you?

I fell...

In love with this wheelchair I found on the side of the road.

Anyway, if you made that wish because drawing stopped being fun,

then to reverse it, you need to have fun drawing again.

I've been behind the snacks listening this whole time.

Of course! Why didn't I think of that?

It's wish reversal 101.

(Dangerbird) He's right!

Now hurry up and find the fun,

so I can feel the pain again.

Ah! (cries) oh!

Bees! They're doing nothing!

(laughs)

All right. Then looks like I have to find the fun in drawing.

Kirby "Horn to be Wild" Buckets.

I can't believe you didn't show up for the holiday concert.

Maggie Stern was delightful.

Where were you to knock that little priss off her pedestal?

I went to the mustache spa, Kirby.

I sprang for the commodore package.

Totally worth it, I know, but still!

Sorry. I guess I just, kinda forgot.

This is the last straw, Kirb.

We can't ignore the signs any longer.

The... the crazy drawings. The messed up hair.

Talking to walls, not hanging out with your best friend, Dawn.

Acting like you don't play the French horn like a boss.

There's only one explanation.

You are troubled.

And you've left us with no choice.

No choice but to do what?

We've enrolled you

in Headmaster Mitchell's school for troubled boys.

Hello, boy I've never met.

I'm Headmaster Mitchell,

and these are two of my troubled boys.

Say hello, troubled boys.

See?

They know better than to open their troubled little mouths.

-But... -And soon...

You will, too.

You've made the right choice.

Headmaster Mitchell's school for troubled boys

is a no-funny business institution.

We also have a zero-tolerance policy on horseplay,

shenanigans, hijinks, and the wearing of baggy pants.

Kirby should be finished packing any minute now.

I saw that. Put it back.

You're so troubled.

Okay, just have fun with this.

Have fun with this very quickly.

Oh, look. I'm-a drawin' (laughs)

why'd I think that'd be fun.

Draw me, Kirby.

What could be more fun than drawing three butts?

It's like a roller coaster for your pen.

(Tri-butt) Nope. Nope. Just a little bit back.

Eh-eh. Eh-eh. Oh, boy. Uh.

I was wrong. You've turned me into a monster!

Oooh.

(groans)

What's the point?

This is never gonna wor...

Wait a minute.

Turned into a monster.

(smash)

What are you guys doing here?

We're breaking you out.

We know Mitchell's here to take you away.

Stand back.

(grunts)

Whoa. (sniffs)

Ugh, this rope smells awful.

It's made from my old sweat-veralls.

I'm putting an effort into my appearance now.

I also trimmed my lucky fingernail.

Again, good to know.

Now, this is what christmas is all about.

I just consider myself so blessed

that I've been given so much to bestow upon the less fortunate,

and if everything goes well, I'll head home owning nothing at all.

Charity's a sick joke.

You give, someone takes,

but none of it matters. It's like...

Trying to empty a bottomless pit to fill another.

You know what you need?

This adorable stuffed rabbit with a monocle and top hat. What do you think?

It's cute.

Fine.

The first time I ever really had fun drawing was Christmas.

Nine years ago,

Dawn got so made that one of my presents was slightly larger than hers that

in my head, she just turned into a monster.

I drew what I imagined, and it was pretty great.

But school's over. Why are we here?

Because in order to have fun drawing, I need to be inspired.

And that means...

It's time to unleash the beast.

(chuckles)

Oh, you don't have a cell phone?

Well, take mine.

And I think I have some change, too.

Change is an illusion.

K-dawg!

Where have you...

You're right. I should have complimented you on your shoes today.

I'm sorry, and they're very nice.

Kirby told us you smell.

I do. Like sandalwood.

He gave me a perfume last week just because.

But don't worry. I gave it away to the less fortunate.

Smelling good, dave!

This isn't working. She's too nice.

We have to enact alpha contingency protocol.

(yells)

(shrieks)

This snow globe was my favorite thing ever.

Thank you, Kirby.

For teaching me to... let it go.

What a great lesson.

No, no, no. No, get angry. Get...

(Mitchell) Well...

There's my little trouble maker.

Come on, Kirby. It's time to go.

What? No. Whoa...

Wait, what's going on?

Kirby has some issues he needs to deal with,

so we're sending him some place that can help him.

But you can't do that. Kirby is my best friend.

My everything.

I'm sorry. He left us no choice.

Let. Go. Of. My. Brother!

(Dawn) (shrieks)

Bingo.

(shrieks) He's my brother! He's my brother!

(shrieks) (roars)

(shrieks and roars)

Whoa.

(shrieks and roars)

He's my brother! (roars)

Now this, is trouble.

(Dawn) (shrieks)

That's a terrible drawing, but you kinda nailed her.

-(laughs) -(shrieks and roars)

Ooh, ah, what happened?

Looks like you got hit in the head with a French horn.

The thief who stole it must have broken back in and put it up there.

It's a christmas miracle!

Oh, Dawn! Oh, you're the best! We did it! We did it! Thank you! Thank you!

Ew, gross! Get off me!

Kirby, are you okay?

Yeah. I'm great.

Only one way to know for sure.

(grunts)

Yep. It's me.

-Bawk bawk bawk bawk. -Yiah!

(shrieks)

(theme music plays)

-♪ Hey ♪ -(all) Whoa!

♪ Hey ♪

(Mom) Were you speaking to him or yourself?

I was speaking to that edge of the couch,

which is who I address when I'm speaking to him.

(laughing)

Fair question. Fair question.