Original subtitles

(Kirby) I consider myself a pretty good judge of what's cool.

Roy G Biv in the house!

(Both) 100 percent no.

No.

(sighs)

(Kirby) But even the best of us can get fooled sometimes.

So even if something seems like the coolest thing ever...

dig deeper. Sometimes, appearances can be deceiving.

No, no! You cannot leave the house like that!

(grunts)

(theme music playing)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

So, yeah.

Take a hike, Picasso.

Hasta la vista , Rembrandt.

And, Van, you gots to Gogh.

(laughs)

Because, to me, comic book art

is just as important as any of those other "master works."

I've never defended anything

the way this man is defending me.

He's the real hero.

(bell rings)

So, your homework for tonight...

-(all groan) -I know, I know. Lame, right?

But I think you're gonna like this one.

Balloons.

Balloons? What about balloons?

Anything you want.

(chuckles)

And then, Mr. G rode away on his motorcycle,

and it wasn't even lunch time yet!

It was maybe the coolest thing I've ever seen.

I have a feeling Mr. Gibsonson is gonna take my art to a whole new level.

I really wanna impress him on this whole balloon thing.

Speaking of new levels, check this out.

I got this ski boot at the locker auctions.

Every time a kid moves away,

whatever he left in his locker

is auctioned off to the highest bidder,

like buried treasure.

I'm not sure some piece of junk

counts as buried treasure.

You kidding me?

This ski boot is a find.

All I need now is another ski boot,

and then I'm off to buy myself a pair of skis.

Wow, Mom, that's a nice top.

And, Dad, are you working out?

You look swole.

Yeah, I guess I am a bit swole.

(quietly) Swole?

You know your father only goes to the gym for the fancy water.

They put cucumber in it.

Start making it here, I won't have to go.

Bring me the recipe, and I'll do it.

I will do that.

What do you want, Dawn?

I need a raise in my allowance.

Might I ask what for?

To pay for dates.

I'm seeing someone. New.

Is that so?

What's his name?

Demarco...

He's awesome and hot,

like me, and super smart,

like me, and...

I just need a raise in my allowance so I can take him out.

It's a new thing. Girls are doing it now.

Well, that is so sweet.

Girl power!

Nice try, but no.

(sighs) You guys don't know what it's like to be in love.

-I mean. -Yeah.

Demarco?

It's her first fake boyfriend.

Our little girl's growing up.

That's amazing. Great job. Great job.

What do you have for me, boys?

Well, I stayed up all night working on this,

but I think you're gonna like it.

Danger's my middle name!

Well, it's also my first name.

(squawks)

Ah! Why?

I just really like the sound.

Sound? What... what sound?

(squawks)

That sound.

Well, they can't all be winners.

Here's mine.

Whoa, whoa...

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Guys, this balloon sculpture is next level!

Really?

-Really? -(Mr. Gibsonson) Check this out.

The crispness of the twist,

The... the symmetry of the inflation.

I mean, awwooga!

Did you just say "awwooga"?

No. No, I... I sneezed.

You know? Like... like ah... achooga!

Gesuuundheit.

-(all laughing) -Gesuuundheit.

Before we start the bidding,

a reminder that all auction proceeds

go to the Breakfast for Dinner Luncheon,

which has been moved to an eleven o'clock brunch

due to a scheduling conflict.

(murmuring)

Now, what is our opening bid

for this tasty, metal cabinet of mystery?

Three dollars.

Three dollars from the gentleman in the hat.

Do I have four?

Four dollars.

Seven.

Ooh, well then, seven dollars,

Going once, going twice...

-Then sold... -(Stevie) Hold up.

Stevie Gunther.

I asked you to call me S-Gizzle, yo.

And I'mma have to bid 20 bucks.

(gasping)

I'm not sure why I'm gasping.

I have over $40 in my pocket. Just saying.

(Principal Mitchell) Still...

if there are no other bids, then...

sold.

But that's a crazy bid!

No locker has ever gone for more than $15.

Look around. No dust, fresh paint,

grease on the hinges.

Homeboy cared about this locker.

It's storage for something special.

Oh my.

(grunts)

Stick to something you know, Fisher.

Like hats or something...

which I also rule at.

S-Gizzle, out.

I'm telling you, Eli, something's really weird about that guy.

"Awwooga!" Nobody says that.

And what type of last name is Gibsonson, anyway?

Your last name is Buckets.

Which I've taught myself to love.

Anyway, do you think you might just be upset

because Mr. G liked my project more than yours?

Oh, come on. That's ridiculous.

Kirby, it's fine.

So what if someone trained specifically

to judge the quality of art says I'm better than you?

Plus, you're better than me at lots of stuff.

Like...

Masking jealousy and coming up with examples.

That guy's acting really funny...

but I'm not laughing.

And I'm gonna find out why.

And coming up with cool exit lines. You're great at that.

Orange you glad I didn't say banana? (laughs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

What the?

Mr. Gibsonson's a clown?

Mr. Gibsonson's a clown!

He can't be a clown.

I'm terrified of clowns,

and I'm not afraid of Mr. G at all.

I wouldn't be saying this if it wasn't true.

Clowns are bad news. Tell him, Fish.

Hey, what do you guys think is in that locker?

Something good?

(whispers) Probably stickers.

Didn't you hear me?

I saw Mr. Gibsonson wearing makeup.

I heard you. I'm just saying,

maybe you were seeing things that weren't really there.

I never see things that aren't really there.

(All) Hey, Kirby! Ha ha! Whoo!

(Fish) I don't know, Kirb.

It's not like you have proof that this guy's a clown.

You guys want proof?

Fine, I'll get you proof.

(Dawn) Mom! Dad!

I deserve a bigger allowance.

I'm, like, the best daughter.

I never ask for anything ever.

You ask us for things all the time.

You are currently asking us for something.

This isn't just about me, you know?

Think about Demarco.

How are we supposed to build a relationship

based on trust and respect

if I can't buy him things?

She's really pushing this fake boyfriend thing pretty hard.

I know. I say we call her bluff.

Yeah.

Okay...

we'll raise your allowance,

-Really? -But first we get to meet this Demarco.

Why?

If you want a bigger allowance to hang out with this boy,

we get to meet him first.

Fine.

Now this is art.

It's just... it's so beautiful.

You know? I mean, I can't tell

where the handkerchief ends and Eli begins.

Hey Mr. G...

quit clowning around.

Kirby, what are you doing?

Proving this guy's a clown.

Don't let his makeup fool you.

They hate being sprayed in the face.

Kirby, everyone hates being sprayed in the face!

I am so sorry for this.

It's not your fault, Eli.

I see it all the time.

Some kid thinks he's the best artist ever

because he drew a chicken in a helmet

and some blob that looks like a booger.

Then somebody better comes along and he just can't handle it.

-Happens every year. -No, that's not it.

-Eli, that's not... -(Mr. Gibsonson) Hey, save it

for the principal's office.

Man, I hate how uncool that made me sound.

Let the bidding begin!

Sold!

Cookies!

Sold!

(laughs)

(Principal Mitchell) Sold!

(sighs)

Oh, come on!

(Principal Mitchell) Now, our last locker.

Shall we start the bidding at...

Ten dollars.

15.

-20. -25.

30.

My, my. It looks like we have quite the bidding war...

$50!

(all gasp)

That's eight dollars more than I have in my pocket.

Gasp earned.

Going once, going twice...

Sold.

To the apparently very wealthy young man.

Sorry, Stevie, but if you don't mind,

I'm gonna go enjoy my new...

fuzzy sweater?

-(laughing) -I knew that locker was junk.

I was just making you waste your money.

(laughs) I have no idea what you're talking about,

because this sweater is awesome.

-(zaps) -Ah!

-(laughing) -(Fish) No big deal.

A little static electricity never hurt anyone.

-(zapping) -Ah!

So, you're Demarco.

(in Brooklyn accent) Yep.

The pleasure's all mine meetin' you folks.

Just so you know, I'm falling super hard for your daughter.

(chuckles)

Look at me.

I'm blushin' like a teenage girl.

Uh-huh.

Well, we're sorry she's not home right now.

Me too.

Hey, you mind if I use the cannoli?

Hm?

You know, the can?

-Mmm. -Oh.

Yeah.

So, that's definitely our daughter dressed as a boy, right?

-Yeah. -Okay

(phone rings)

Hey, Dawn. Where are you?

Demarco's here.

(Dawn) He is? Aw, man. I got held up at school,

so I won't be home for a while.

Tell Demarco I said, "Hey!" And please don't embarrass me.

-(phone clicks) -(toilet flushes)

Ooh, Demarco, you won't believe this,

but, uh, Dawn just called.

Literally one second before you walked back in.

-Mm-hmm. -That's so inconvenient, huh?

-Yeah. -Dang, sure is.

But listen, I should get going, you know?

And don't tell her I said this, okay?

But, uh...

if you folks could find it in your hearts to give Dawn that extra allowance,

I'm sure she'd really appreciate it, you know?

-Mmm, mm-hmm. -Ah, yep.

Not for me,

but she's a liberated woman, your daughter.

Anyway...

Keep it breezy, Mr. and Mrs. Beezy.

Well, at least we still have Kirby.

(bell rings)

If there were a clown in this school,

don't you think that I would know?

It's the truth!

Mr. Gibsonson is far too cool to be a clown.

The man wears a leather jacket. I mean, please.

I know he seems cool, but he's not.

He's a clown!

Clowns are bad. He's bad.

If he's such a bad guy,

then why did he volunteer

to take Eli on a special field trip, hmm?

Field trip?

Mr. G, why are we in Clown Town?

You got a lot of artistic talent, Eli.

And with that in mind,

I'd like you to meet a few friends of mine.

But Mr. Gibsonson, Kirby sprayed you.

Waterproof makeup.

And please...

call me Mr. Giggles.

Are you sure Eli's here?

I'm positive. He checked in on his phone somewhere around here.

Plus, he sent me this text.

"Mr. G is taking me to Clown Town right now.

So scared."

Don't worry. We'll find him.

(static electricity zaps)

(Eli) Stop it! Stop it!

Come on!

(laughing)

Stop it, Denise. You're too much.

Oh, hey, guys. What's up?

Eli, we're here to save you.

You texted me how scared you were.

Oh, that's just auto-correct.

I'm scared so much, my phone just adds that to every text.

Usually, it still makes sense.

So you're not scared?

I mean, I was at first, but...

once you get to know these guys, they're actually really nice.

In fact, Mr. G wants me to join his crew.

As in, be a clown?

(rattling)

You know...

it's kind of offensive when you say it like that,

but yes.

Eli's got a rare gift,

and he needs to be around people who appreciate that.

Don't worry. We can still be friends.

Actually, Eli, you can't.

Clowns can't be friends with plain-faces.

It's in our bylaws.

Thanks for the opportunity, Mr. G, but I can't ditch my friends.

I was afraid you might say that.

(laughter)

(laughing)

See, Clown Town was dying.

We were going extinct.

We needed new blood,

but kids today, they hate clowns!

(chuckles)

But I thought of a way to change that...

by changing their minds! (laughs)

Ha ha.

No way. Eli would never fall for that.

Eli doesn't exist anymore!

(Mr. Gibsonson) Say hello to Elzo...

the clown! (laughs maniacally)

(growls)

(door opens, closes)

Sorry I'm late. The charity dinner...

It's time to end the charade, Dawn.

We're gonna go ahead and raise your allowance,

but only if you come clean and admit that you are Demarco.

Huh?

Come on. I mean, his name is Demarco?

That voice?

(imitates Demarco) Fugetaboutit. Hey, take it sleazy, Mrs. Beezy.

(in Jamaican accent) Yeah, mon. We be jammin'.

-(phone beeps) -(Mom) Your daughter Dawn is so special.

She needs da moneys fo' da women's liberations...

Yo, Mr. and Mrs. Beezy,

I just came over to say thank you for the lovely chat,

but what happened here tonight... I'll never fugetaboutit.

Fugetabout you.

Fugetabout all of yous!

Thanks a lot!

Demarco, wait!

-Eh... wh... eh... -Yeah. Uh-huh.

Elzo, they're all yours.

(laughs maniacally)

Hey, Elzo...

juggle!

(Kirby) Fish, run!

-(static electricity zaps) -Ah!

Come on!

(growls)

Uh, this way!

Eli, you don't have to do this.

This isn't you.

Fight it, Eli! Fight it!

I can't believe I'm gonna die in this stupid sweater.

(static electricity zaps)

Wait. Fish, that's it.

The shock. Rub this on your super hideous sweater.

Finish them, Elzo!

Grrr!

-(screaming) -(zapping)

Whoa. Where am I?

Fish, the puddle!

(zapping)

(groaning)

Okay.

Okay, okay. Uh... let's take it easy, guys.

Hey, look! There's Bozo!

(laughing)

So that was crazy.

I guess we should've believed you, Kirby.

Hey, the school's coolest teacher was a secret clown

trying to trick kids into joining him.

Yeah, I don't think I would have believed me either.

-(chuckles) -And I got carried away

thinking I was a great artist.

I guess I'll just settle for being a good person.

Eli, you are a great artist.

If you weren't, Mr. Gibsonson wouldn't have wanted

to turn you into a clown so badly.

Hey, yo! Fish sticks!

(laughs) Look what I just won.

And someone barfed outside and they wanna use your big, ugly sweater to clean it up.

(laughs)

This sweater?

(zaps)

Awesome.

Hey, how much for that sweater?

I'll pay anything for it.

Demarco!

I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what came over my parents.

-Sometimes they can be so... -Whoa.

Dawn, stop.

We are done-zo.

Done-zo?

I've moved on.

Already? Wh...

Where...

There she is now.

Hey, Kimberly.

(scoffs)

(in Brooklyn accent) I can see why you wanted an upgrade. (scoffs)

Come on, babe. I have some fresh allowance burning a hole in my pocket.

-(theme music playing) -♪ A marker, A marker ♪

(Woman) Number two.

I deserve a bigger allow...

(imitates Demarco) Eh, fugetaboutit.

Take a sleazy, Mrs. Beezy.

I think you went too far with that impression.

I could've pulled back.

My eye!

-Sorry about that. -(Man) Action!

I sneezed. You know, like...

-achooga! -(sneezes)

-(Boy) Bless you. -(Mr. Gibsonson) Just like that.

Gesuuundheit.

(Mr. Gibsonson) Yeah, gesuuundheit to you.