Original subtitles

(Kirby) There's no secret here.

The official food of this group of friends?

Pizza.

(crunching)

We might like it different ways...

One giant step for Fish's stomach.

(crunching)

And some of those ways might be completely unacceptable.

I am who I am.

(crunching)

But the truth about pizza is, like a good friend, you can always count on it...

-(eerie music playing) -until it betrays you

and turns your life into a living stuffed-crust nightmare.

(theme music playing)

(Man) ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

Nope. No, no.

These are a couple of wild animals that can't be trusted.

You know what? It's fine.

We'll go next year.

Mom, it's fine. It's just one night.

I mean, you can leave us alone for five hours.

And I'm too old for a babysitter.

And I really wanna go out.

It's one of those cool barbecue restaurants

where the waiters are mean to you on purpose.

It's just like eating with my dad,

but, you know... fun.

I promise, Mom, I'll keep an eye on Kirby.

Like a responsible big sister.

Yeah, and I'm probably just gonna watch

a little Big Bald Oaf and then hit the hay early.

Okay.

"Responsible big sister?"

"Hit the hay?"

What kids talk like this?

I'll tell you what kind... Liars.

-Liars talk like this. You're lying. -(Dad) Okay.

I am making the decision as head of the household.

Right.

As assistant head of the household.

We are going out.

Kids, this is your one chance to prove that we can leave you alone in the future.

-So here are the rules... -You hear that, Kirb?

We got some rules to break!

No friends can come over.

Totally breakable.

No Pay-Per-Play movies

and I want the dishes done by the time I get home.

Broken and brokener.

Don't touch my drone and don't shake my ant farm.

It makes them angry, especially Ian.

He's been in a mood.

(clucks) You're getting shaken, Ian.

You're getting shaken hard.

(Dad) And please... don't leave the house, okay?

I'm gonna say this one time.

Do not... touch... my Cheese Tibbies.

(intense music playing)

Actually, that's one I totally agree with.

You don't touch another person's Tibbies!

My Cheese Tibbies.

-(intense music playing) -(growling)

(door slams)

Okay, coast is clear.

Finally!

Let's do this thing.

What happened to the "No friends can come over" rule?

They didn't say anything about friends that were already here.

We're breakin' it!

(screams)

(Dawn) Well, have a lousy night. I'm going out.

Whoa, what happened to the "Don't leave the house" rule?

Some things are more important than Mom and Dad's rules.

Like getting revenge on a girl

who stole your dress from the girl's locker room,

making you go through the rest of the day

wearing the soccer ball bag.

(overlapping laughter)

Revenge is coming, Rebecca.

It's coming hard.

You guys ready for the first official meeting

of the best new secret society in Forest Hills?

Yes, but I gotta go to the bathroom first.

I'll meet you guys downstairs.

(Eli) It's just number one!

But don't time me.

(rock music playing)

I thought you said that these were awesome secret society robes...

Is that a blood stain?

They're my Uncle Carl's boxing robes.

He was not a good boxer.

So, when do we get to play with your dad's drone?

(sighs) We don't.

I can't get caught breaking any of my parents' rules

or else we won't be able to have any more adult-free nights like this.

So, Brotherhood of the Bros, shall we begin?

(All) We bros. We tight.

We never get in fights.

Bros.

We are gathered here tonight in secret.

for a club based on friendship...

-(Both) Bros. -...for a club based on truth.

-(Both) Bros. -And more importantly...

a club based on...

(All) Pizza!

Three ingredients.

Each ingredient representing each bro.

Dough.

Sauce.

Cheese.

Now, bros, we shall select from the provider.

Bring forth the Rack of 'Za.

(dramatic music playing)

God of Bros, thank you for making this wise choice.

The choice of...

"Spaghetti Freddy's Pizza Circus."

You have the gross bag to leave on Rebecca's porch?

Ew. What's in this anyway?

It smells disgusting.

I have a cousin who works at the zoo.

Animals do gross things.

Let's just leave it at that.

I just wish I could see Rebecca's dumb face

when she opens it.

-Dawn? -Rebecca!

I'm so glad you're here!

I was gonna call and apologize about taking your dress.

I was changing after gym and I grabbed yours instead of mine.

I have the same one!

Anyway, come in and I'll get your dress for you.

Just give it to me at school.

Are you sure?

My mom bought, like, a million cupcakes so...

Dawn and I would love a million cupcakes!

Thank you so much!

So?

Yeah, we can come in for a little bit.

Oops, you dropped your bag!

I did.

And now for the best part of any secret society...

the initiation.

-(buzzing) -(spy music playing)

Each bro must make it to the other side of the room

without touching the string.

I eat string like this for breakfast!

No, really.

(retching)

Eli, you're up.

They don't call me Lord of the Strings for nothing.

(doorbell)

Ooh, pizza!

Hey, Kirb, Fish! My main men!

Hey... Pizza Guy.

Hey, Pizza Guy was my father's name, okay?

Just call me Wayne.

So no hat tonight, huh, Fisher?

Uh... no. Guess not.

Cool.

So we got one XL pie divided three ways:

we got jalapeño-pineapple for the Kirb,

Sausalito Meat Express hold the chicken for the Fishman,

and extra cheese no sauce for Eli, on account of his heartburn.

That's $19.79.

-(Kirby) Here's a $20. -(chuckles)

Oh, right. The tip. Uh... you got any more money?

Yeah, sorry. We don't have any more money to tip you with.

-(intense music playing) -"Sorry?"

I see how it is.

Just a loser pizza guy, right?

"Who cares about tipping him? He's a loser!"

Well, I care. Big time.

So now I got a tip for you:

You better watch your backs, because it's about time somebody

delivered a lesson to you kids.

-Okie dokie. -We'll keep that in mind.

(both laugh)

I fought the string...

and the string won.

(both chuckle)

You didn't tip the pizza guy?

How is he supposed to know that you appreciated his service?

Relax, Eli. It'll be fine, Eli. It's not like...

-(banging) -(clanking)

Oh, no.

Marinara.

(gasps) My heartburn.

Oh, come on. You guys are still worried about that pizza guy?

So what? We didn't tip him, big deal.

What's he gonna do, forget the parmesan cheese again?

-Hey, who turned on the TV? -(Both) Not me.

Guys, come on. Pay-Per-Play movies?

I can't get caught breaking any of my dad's rules, remember?

I told you I'd teach you a lesson.

The Pizza Guy?

You got two minutes before the movie is ordered

and there's only one way to cancel it.

Fish, where were you when you were supposed to be

at Eli's sixth birthday party?

What is he talking about?

(laughs nervously)

Punch the answer into the password screen

to cancel the order or...

your dad will get a bill...

and next time, you'll get a babysitter.

(beeping)

(beeping continues)

Mom, Boyce, this is Dawn.

I can't believe my daughter made such an unfortunate mistake with the dress.

Things like that shouldn't happen to people as pretty as you.

And yet they do.

It's okay, I can barely remember having to walk

through the entire school wearing a soccer bag.

(overlapping laughter)

You're pretty!

Like a doll that blinks! Will you be my best friend?

S... sure.

Hello! She already has a best friend!

That's our Meaghan.

Can I take your bag?

My purse? Uh...

I'd prefer to hold it.

I smell something stinky!

Meaghan has a very keen sense of smell.

The doctors say her nose holes are very big.

I... I don't smell anything.

(sniffs) No.

Uh, see, I think it's actually time we should be going.

Wait, I have to get your dress.

I'll be just a sec.

Have a seat next to Boyce.

He was just saying how he never meets

any nice girls at male model school.

Well, maybe we can hang out for a bit, yeah?

-(beeping) -Just 30 seconds until

another rule gets broke!

I wonder what movie he ordered?

Fish, come on. Just answer the question.

Where were you the day of Eli's sixth birthday party?

I remember! You were sick!

You were supposed to be my Best Man.

-At a birthday party? -A wedding-themed birthday party!

-(beeping gets faster) -Come on! Hurry!

We only have 16 seconds!

Okay, fine! Just put in "Murph."

M-U-R-P-H.

Aw, man!

I wanted to break a rule.

(clucks)

You went to Murph Murphy's party instead of mine?

He has the same birthday as me.

Everyone always goes to his parties instead.

He's my birthday enemy!

I'm sorry, Eli, but...

he had his birthday at a water park!

How does the pizza guy even know about any of this stuff?

-You were supposed to come to my birthday. -Eli, Eli, I couldn't help it!

-You couldn't help it? -He invited me at the last second.

You're just noticing this now?

-(clucking) -Guys...

(intense music playing)

(Rebecca's mom) So, it's settled. You'll join us on Cape Cod this summer

and be Boyce's date to Fashion Week.

Let me check my calendar.

Yes, I can.

I knew we'd be BFFs someday.

Nuh-uh! She's my BFF.

Still here, Meaghan.

I love you, Dawn.

It smells like a zoo!

A booty zoo!

Meaghan's right. (sniffs)

It does smell like a booty zoo in here.

So, Cape Cod.

Um, we're going on a date.

We're best friends. No takesie backsies.

Okay, well I gotta go.

Oh, wait! I have this $500 coat that doesn't fit

and I swear, it would look perfect on you.

-You wanna try it on? -Well, I don't like to waste, so...

(whimsical music playing)

Wow. This has been such a nice surprise.

But I... I really gotta go...

-I'm gonna... -(intense music playing)

Where's my um... my gro... my purse?

It makes so much sense now.

(Kirby) Pizza guys are at all of our most important events.

Graduations. Birthday parties. Weddings.

That's why they know so much about us.

But how did he also clog the upstairs toilet,

which he did?

You did that when we were waiting for Kirby!

(whirring)

Not good!

Who's playing with Daddy's drone?

Oh, wait. It's me!

This is so unfair!

How come he gets to play with the drone?

(all yelp)

I have a question for you now, Eli.

Tell your friends the truth about Mr. Wobbles...

or this drone's gonna have a very unfortunate accident.

Mr. Wobbles? Never heard of him.

Anyway, I think I hear my mom calling.

You're not going anywhere!

Mr. Wobbles was my favorite toy as a kid.

(Fish) The commercial said Mr. Wobbles wobbled,

but wouldn't fall down.

But I was sure gonna try.

And one day, Mr. Wobbles did go down, and he never came back up.

Someone killed Mr. Wobbles!

I killed Mr. Wobbles!

(beep)

Whoa!

I had no choice.

(Eli) Fish was so obsessed with Mr. Wobbles,

he was completely ignoring me.

So, I did what I had to do.

(pops, hissing)

-Murderer! -Liar!

Whoa, guys, check this out.

Why do all these menus have the same symbol?

Because we pizza guys have our own brotherhood.

And when you don't tip one of us,

you don't tip any of us.

Okay, fine! We'll tip you!

I mean, there's gotta be some money around here somewhere...

Oh, it's far too late for that, Kirby.

You should've tipped.

-(dramatic music playing) -Uh, guys...

(Pizza guys chanting) You should've tipped! You should've tipped!

You should've tipped! You should've tipped!

You should've tipped!

-(maniacal laughter) -You should've tipped!

You should've tipped! You should've tipped!

Mr. Wobbles never did anything bad to you!

Well, then maybe I should've had him

as the Best Man at my birthday party!

-(Fish) Well, I'm sorry! It... -You drank all of my milk!

Sorry. Here, have it back.

(retching)

No!

(laughing)

(Dangerbird) Drumstick, baby!

-A wedding themed party is lame! -You were supposed to...

Shut it!

Brotherhood of the Bros!

Upstairs meeting in the bathroom now!

Come on!

Okay, so this pizza guy... he's tearing us apart.

Not to mention what he did to this poor, innocent toilet!

Why can't you just tell the truth?

I'm not the only one here not telling the truth!

Exactly.

But now, we're all gonna have to tell the truth.

Every lie we've ever told each other.

That way, the pizza guy has nothing on us.

Brotherhood of the Bros... let's spill our guts.

Fish, I re-gifted the bread maker you gave me for Christmas.

I'm the one who filled your toothpaste with mayonnaise.

Kirby, I re-gifted the bread maker you gave me for Christmas.

Fish, I told you I lost those jeans you let me borrow, but I lied.

I wear them to bed as pajamas.

For the first six months I knew you, I thought your name was Curvy.

I don't care for that shirt.

I dreamed I was a lobster, but I was wearing sneakers.

What?

Anybody else?

This clogged toilet right here?

It wasn't the pizza guy.

It was me.

(Both) We know.

Come on.

Dawn, can I help you find something?

Oh, what? Oh, no. I was just...

I'm Dawn!

I'm so pretty!

Look at me and my cool purse!

Hey, keep that away from the cupcakes!

-Hey, bestie, can I have my bag? -No!

♪ Booty zoo, booty zoo, booty zoo ♪

Hey, Dawn, like my dance?

-♪ Booty zoo, booty zoo ♪ -I need my bag, honey.

No!

Oh...

Well, thank you for the jacket, Rebecca!

I will... I'll see you at the Cape!

(door opening)

I've been waiting for you!

Are you ready for another question?

I have one for you, Kirb.

It's over, Pizza Guy.

We spilled every secret we have.

You got nothing on us.

Oh...

Well, then I guess me and my friends are just

gonna have to trash your house so bad

your parents will never leave you alone again.

(knocking)

We need to stop those pizza guys.

In order to save the Brotherhood of the Bros,

we need to start breaking some rules.

But what if your dad finds out?

(overlapping maniacal laughter)

(Both) Let's break some rules!

Finally!

(clucks)

(both screaming)

(laughing)

(clattering)

Eli, the kitchen!

Clean up on aisle you!

(yelps, groans)

Say hello to my dad's little friends.

Sick him, Ian!

(maniacal laughter)

(screaming)

There's too many of them!

You know, you really should've tipped me, Kirb.

How else am I supposed to know that you appreciated my service?

And to think, all of this unpleasantness

could have been avoided for a meager $10.

Wait... $10?

That's how much you expect for a tip?

It's appropriate!

Now if you don't mind, I'll just take back control of that drone.

(Fish and Wayne) (grunting)

Nobody takes control of this drone but me.

Ugh! Gross! That's disgusting!

Wait a minute...

that's your secret, isn't it?

You don't like pizza!

What are you talking about? That's ridiculous.

So, you wouldn't mind taking a bite.

Well, why would I?

I had a late lunch,

and I'm going swimming right after this.

Taste it.

Get that away from me! Okay, so what?

I'm a pizza guy who hates pizza. Sue me.

You're a disgrace.

You might deliver pizzas, Wayne,

but you will never be a pizza guy.

We're sorry about all this.

We'll help clean up.

You guys are the worst!

I really do have to go swimming!

I wouldn't have tipped him either.

Huh, look at that.

I had ten whole dollars in my pocket the whole time.

Life is pretty funny.

One drone back in place.

Check!

Wait! There's been a mistake!

I'm not an ant!

-(keys jingling) -Here they come! Hide!

Hi, Ian.

Busted, losers!

Huh. Someone proved you wrong.

Did someone touch my drone?

Nah, I'm being crazy.

Still too hopped up from those awesome

mean waiters at the restaurant.

-(gasps) -(dramatic music playing)

My Cheese Tibbies!

No, no, no, no, no!

Thanks, Dawn. Thanks a lot.

Kirby, why can't she be more like you?

"A" only marker.

-Let's break some... -Let's start breaking some rule.

(Both) Murderer!

♪ We're tight, we'll never get in a fight ♪

-(whirring) -Whoo!

-(laughter) -(Man) Cut!

(mimics karate shout)