Original subtitles

[MACK THE KNIFE INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

WHY, FRANCIE?

WHY?

IT'D HAVE BROKEN

YOUR POOR MOTHER'S HEART.

I'M SORRY, MR. LEDDY.

Francie: WHEN I WAS A YOUNG LAD,

20 OR 30 OR 40 YEARS AGO,

I LIVED IN A SMALL TOWN

WHERE THEY WERE ALL AFTER ME

ON ACCOUNT OF WHAT I'D DONE ON MRS. NUGENT.

IF SHE HADN'T POKED HER NOSE

IN BETWEEN ME AND JOE,

EVERYTHING WOULD'VE BEEN ALL RIGHT.

ME GERONIMO. WHO ARE YOU?

SITTING BULL.

LET'S DO WAR CRY.

[WAR CRIES]

NOW, LOOK ROUND FOR WHITE MAN.

[INDIAN WAR CRIES]

Francie: OF ALL THE WRONG THINGS I DONE,

I SUPPOSE THE APPLES WERE THE FIRST.

THEY STARTED ALL THE TROUBLE.

AND FRANCIE BRADY DIDN'T NEED ANY OLD SNAKE

TO GIVE HIM ONE.

HE ROBBED THEM HIMSELF.

COME ON, JOE.

COME ON.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, COME ON?

COME ON, IT'S NOT THAT HIGH.

DON'T WORRY, KEMOSABE, I GOT YOU.

COME ON, FRANCIE,

GET A MOVE ON. COME ON!

RIGHT, JOE.

SO HOW MANY HAVE WE GOT NOW?

JUST KEEP SHAKING, FRANCIE.

I'LL SHAKE THE LIVING SHITE OUT OF HER, JOE.

ANOTHER HUNDRED, AND WE'RE RIGHT.

THEM NUGENTS AREN'T GONNA GET THE BETTER OF US.

NO WAY, BOY.

Francie: AND WHO BUTTS IN? ONLY PHILLIP NUGENT,

HIS HEAD FULL OF AMAZING FACTS,

LIKE THE BOILING POINT OF WATER

AND THE NUMBER OF EYES ON A FLY HEAD...

SURE, IT'S YOURSELF, PHILLIP, ISN'T IT?

DOIN' A BIT OF READING NOW?

COMICS, FRANCIE.

WE'VE GOT TO HAVE THEM, JOE.

TELL YOU WHAT, PHILLIP.

WE'LL SWAP.

ONE OF YOUR MA'S COX'S PIPPINS...

FOR ALL OF THEM COMICS.

IT'S ONLY FAIR, PHILLIP.

NOW, JOE,

HE ISN'T REALLY THAT BAD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JESUS, FRANCIE, IT'S MRS. NUGENT!

GET OUT!

COME ON, JOE, RUN LIKE FUCK!

YIKES.

IT HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO

WITH KNOWIN' KIDS OR ANYTHING ELSE.

I KNEW THE KIND OF YOUR LOT

LONG BEFORE I WENT TO ENGLAND.

I SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE SENSE

THAN TO LET MY PHILLIP NEAR THE LIKES OF HIM.

NOT THAT IT'S THE POOR CHILD'S FAULT.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM A HOUSE

WHERE THE FATHER'S NEVER IN?

LYIN' ABOUT IN PUBS FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT.

HE'S NO BETTER THAN A PIG.

IT IS SMALL WONDER

THAT THE BOY IS THE WAY HE IS.

WHAT CHANCE HAS HE GOT LIVING IN A PIGSTY,

BUT IF HE'S SEEN NEAR MY PHILLIP AGAIN,

THERE'LL BE TROUBLE, MARK MY WORDS.

PIGS!

THAT'S ALL YOU ARE!

THE WHOLE TOWN KNOWS THAT.

WELL, THAT OLD MRS. NUGENT,

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT HER?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT BY CHRIST--

[ALL SHOUTING]

Francie: WELL, I DON'T KNOW KNOW

IF MY DA WAS A PIG OR NOT,

BUT ONE THING SHE WAS RIGHT ABOUT,

HE SURE COULD DRINK.

HE WAS THE BEST DRINKER IN THE TOWN.

TV announcer: AND HOW. MAN HAS REALIZED HIS DREAM.

NOW HE MUST CONTROL IT.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO, JOE,

IF YOU WON A MILLION BILLION

TRILLION DOLLARS?

I'D BUY A MILLION BILLION TRILLION

FLASH BARS, FRANCIE.

YA!

HEY, A FISH.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO TELL YA?

FUCK OFF!

NOW, FISH, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?

HEY, COME BACK WITH MY ARROW!

DO YOU KNOW YOU WERE ONLY 5 POUNDS WEIGHT

WHEN YOU WERE BORN, FRANCIE?

MA, WHAT'S THE CHAIR DOIN' ON THE TABLE?

YOU'D NEVER LET ME DOWN, FRANCIE.

WOULD YA?

YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T, MA.

OH, I'M WAY OFF UP THE TOWN, FRANCIE.

I HAVE TO GET THE BAKING STARTED

FOR YOUR UNCLE ALO'S CHRISTMAS PARTY.

YOU DROPPED YOUR TABLETS, MA.

DR. BOYD SAID THEY'D CURE ME.

I THINK THEY'RE MAKIN' ME WORSE.

COME ON, ANNIE.

WELL, THERE YOU GO, JOE.

THAT'S MA OFF ON HER TRAVELS THEN.

WHERE IS SHE OFF TO, FRANCIE?

THEY SAY SHE HAD A BREAKDOWN, JOE.

WHAT'S A BREAKDOWN?

THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE TOOK OFF TO THE GARAGE,

WHERE A TRUCK COMES AND TOWS YOU AWAY.

I TELL YA, THERE'S SOME CRACK IN THIS TOWN.

THERE SURE IS. THE GARAGE.

HAND ME DOWN A SPANNER, EH, MIKE?

I THINK MRS. BRADY'S ANKLE NEEDS TIGHTENING.

JOE.

HMM?

DO YOU THINK THE ONE-ARMED MAN DID IT?

DO YOU KNOW, HE PROBABLY DID.

THAT BASTARD. I'M GONNA KILL HIM.

Francie: NOW THE THING ABOUT MRS. NUGENT IS

SHE CAME BACK FROM ENGLAND

WITH ALL THESE AIRS AND GRACES

AND WALKED AROUND AS IF SHE OWNED THE TOWN.

BUT HERE'S ONE LITTLE PIG

THAT'S GOING TO TEACH HER DIFFERENT.

AH, THERE YOU ARE, MRS. NUGENT, PHILLIP.

JUST LET ME BY, PLEASE.

OF COURSE, BUT THAT'LL BE A SHILLING.

A SHILLING?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

AND HALF FOR PHILLIP.

SO THAT'S ONE SHILLING FOR YOU AND SIXPENCE FOR PHILLIP.

ALL TOGETHER 1 AND 6.

1 AND 6, PLEASE.

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY MONEY

TO GO BY HERE.

I'M SORRY, MRS. NUGENT, BUT A TAX IS A TAX.

IF YOU DON'T PAY, IT'S NOT GONNA BE FAIR

TO EVERYBODY ELSE, IS IT?

TAX?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, TAX?

THE PIG TOLL TAX, MRS. NUGENT.

I'VE WORK TO DO.

I CANNOT SIT ABOUT HERE ALL DAY,

SO COME ON NOW. ONE SHILLING PLUS SIXPENCE.

WOULD YOU RUN AWAY HOME NOW

AND STOP ALL THIS NONSENSE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MRS. NUGENT.

I'LL LET YOU GO THIS TIME,

BUT YOU REMEMBER NOW IN FUTURE,

YOU MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THAT PIG TOLL TAX READY.

AND I AIN'T FOOLIN', MRS. NUGE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, JOE?

IT'S A BAD STATE OF AFFAIRS,

WHEN PEOPLE WON'T PAY A TAX TO GET BY, HUH?

WHAT TAX IS THAT, FRANCIE?

DON'T YOU START, NOW, JOE.

Woman: THANK YOU, MR. LEDDY.

HELLO, MR. LEDDY.

FRANCIE.

AH, THERE YOU ARE, MY LADIES.

AH, FRANCIE.

THERE YOU ARE.

I'M NOWHERE ELSE, LADIES.

I'LL HAVE 2 TINS OF SARDINES AND A LOAF OF BREAD, PLEASE.

HOW'S YOUR MOTHER, FRANCIE?

OH, SHE'S FLYIN'. SHE'S ABOVE IN THE GARAGE,

AND IT WON'T BE LONG NOW TILL SHE'S HOME.

THEY'RE GONNA GIVE HER A SERVICE.

HAND ME DOWN A SPANNER, MIKE.

I THINK MRS. BRADY'S HEAD NEEDS TIGHTENING.

FRANCIE, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

KEEPIN' THE HOME FIRES BURNIN', FRANCIE?

THE INCREDIBLE FRANCIE BRADY.

NOW, IF YOU LADIES WILL EXCUSE ME,

I MUST BE OFF UP TO TOWN ON TOLL TAX BUSINESS.

TOLL TAX? I NEVER HEARD OF THAT,

FRANCIE. WHAT WOULD THAT BE?

IT WAS INVENTED BY ME,

BUT, OF COURSE, NUGENT WON'T PAY IT.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE TRYING TO GET BLOOD OUT OF A STONE.

NUGENT. MRS. NUGENT?

BE IT ON HER OWN HEAD.

SHE'LL NOT BE GETTIN' BY SO EASY THE NEXT TIME--

GETTIN' BY? GETTIN' BY WHERE, FRANCIE?

ON THE FOOTPATH.

WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU WANT TO GET PAST?

THERE'S NO DENYIN', FRANCIE,

YOU'RE A RARE CHARACTER.

Francie: OH, NOW.

[PLAYING WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE]

IT'S A DUD, FRANCIE.

A DUD FROM THE DAY I GOT IT.

A FUCKIN' DUD, DAD. THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER

THAN TO TRUST THE LIKES OF TRAYNOR.

BEGOD, HE'LL NOT SELL ME A DUD TELEVISION

AND GET AWAY WITH IT.

WORK!

BE CHRIST, IT'LL NOT BEST ME!

YEEEE! HA!

[PLAYS OH, MY PAPA]

Francie: YOUR FATHER WAS A GREAT MAN

ONE TIME, THEY'D SAY.

BY CHRIST, A GREAT MUSICIANOR.

HE COULD'VE BEEN SOMEONE, SURE,

HADN'T HE MET EDDIE CALVERT.

AND WHO THE FUCK IS EDDIE CALVERT,

I'D ASK THEM.

WELL, THAT'S THE END OF THE COWBOYS, I GUESS.

DAD, THERE'S NOTHING BUT DRY BREAD IN THE HOUSE.

THERE'S NOT EVEN A RASHER.

ARE YOU DEAF?

I GUESS IT'S ALL DOWN TO FRANCIE NOW.

THE INCREDIBLE FRANCIE BRADY.

NO MORE COWBOYS, JOE. COWBOYS, GOOD LUCK.

WHY NOT, FRANCIE?

DA, HE FIXED THE TELLY GOOD AND PROPER.

WE WON'T BE SEEING JOHN WAYNE

ROUND HERE AGAIN.

AH, HACK A BIT OF ICE THERE, FRANCIE. GO ON.

HACKIN' AWAY, BOYS, HUH?

OH, HACKIN' AWAY THERE, FATHER.

THAT'S A COLD ONE, ISN'T IT?

WOULD YOU SAY THAT'S A COLD ONE, YOUNG BRADY?

I'D SAY IT'S THE COLDEST YET.

HA HA HA!

THE COLDEST YET, HE SAYS.

OH, HE DOES.

AH, HE DOES.

HOW'S YOUR FATHER?

OH, THE BEST. NEVER BETTER.

GOOD, GOOD. AND YOUR MOTHER WILL BE HOME SOON?

SHE WILL. SHE'LL BE BACK ON THE ROAD

BY CHRISTMAS.

SHE HAS TO GET THE CAKES READY

FOR UNCLE ALO'S PARTY.

OH, UNCLE ALO.

NOW, THIS TOWN SHOULD BE PROUD OF HIM.

YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME

ABOUT THE GREAT JOB HE HAS IN LONDON.

AYE, 10 MEN UNDER HIM.

OH, WELL, I BEST BE OFF.

I HAVE THE GOOD LORD HERE FOR BENNY MAGUIRE.

GOOD LUCK NOW.

WHAT DOES BENNY MAGUIRE WANT WITH THE GOOD LORD?

I THINK HE FELL OFF HIS BUCKRAKE.

THEM BUCKRAKES ARE A CURSE.

Announcer: RICHARD KIMBLE PONDERS HIS FATE

AS HE LOOKS AT THE WORLD FOR THE LAST TIME

AND SEES ONLY DARKNESS.

BUT IN THAT DARKNESS,

FATE MOVES ITS HUGE HAND.

GO ON, FUGITIVE. GO ON, RUN.

YOU'RE ONLY A HOPPITY BASTARD, ONE-ARMED MAN!

YEAH, HOPPITY BOLLOCKS.

AT LEAST RICHARD KIMBLE HAS 2 ARMS.

SHE'S COMING!

THE BITCH!

Francie: NOW, IF THERE'S ONE THING WORSE THAN A PIG,

IT'S A BOGMAN,

UP FROM THE COUNTRY FOR THE DAY

TO DO THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.

WE SEE THEM IN THE CAFE

WITH THEIR CAPS AND THEIR BOOTS

AND THEIR BONY ARSES.

THEY CALLED IT DANCIN'.

IT LOOKED MORE LIKE WADIN' THROUGH MANURE.

WHAT'S THAT DANCE THEY'RE DOIN', FRANCIE?

IT'S CALLED THE BOGMAN TANGO, JOE.

THE BOGMAN TANGO?

OUT WITH THE BACKSIDE, UP WITH THE NOSE.

WELL, HERE'S MY FACE, AND MY ARSE IS COMIN'.

THE INCREDIBLE JOE PURCELL,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

AND HIS PARTNER, FRANCIE BRADY.

THE BOGMAN TANGO.

YEE-HA!

* HE WILL NOT STAY *

* I WISH, I WISH *

* BUT I WISH IN VAIN *

* I WISH I WAS A MAID AGAIN *

MA, YOU'RE BACK!

LOOK AT YOU. GOD!

BY CHRIST, THAT MUST BE SOME GARAGE, SERGEANT.

BACK ON THE ROAD BETTER THAN EVER, EH, MA?

BETTER THAN EVER.

COME ON, I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.

COME ON NOW.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT, FOR TAKING ME HOME.

ANYTHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU, ANNIE.

YOU KNOW THAT.

THANK YOU.

COME ON, MA. COME ON.

I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR US.

Francie: BACK FROM THE GARAGE,

THERE WAS NO HOLDIN' MA.

WHIZ HERE ONE MINUTE, THERE THE NEXT.

AND HADN'T SHE BOUGHT THE BOGMAN RECORD

THEY WERE PLAYIN' IN THE CAFE.

AND THAT'S WHEN THE BUNS BEGAN.

UNCLE ALO WAS COMIN' HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

FROM HIS BIG JOB IN LONDON,

AND THE HOUSE STARTED FILLIN' UP WITH CAKES

AND BUNS FOR THE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

CAKES, CAKES, CAKES.

BUNS, BUNS, BUNS.

MY MA, THE BUN WOMAN.

* AND CALLING TO *

I ASK YOU, JOE.

HOW MANY CAKES CAN UNCLE ALO EAT?

BEATS THE HELL OUT OF ME, COMPADRE.

HO, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.

SEE YOU, JOE.

SEE YOU, FRANCIE.

[RECORD PLAYING]

Francie: WELL, IF I HEARD THAT BUTCHER BOY ONCE,

I HEARD IT A HUNDRED TIMES.

AND IF YOU SAID TO ME, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR IT AGAIN?

I KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID.

NO, THANK YOU.

[ARGUING, PLATES BREAKING]

Da: COULDN'T EVEN GET A HAM SANDWICH?!

I'M FUCKIN' STARVIN'!

* I WISH I WAS *

* A MAID AGAIN *

* BUT MAID AGAIN *

IS THAT WHAT THEY DO TO YOU IN THE GARAGE, MA--

TURN YOU INTO A CAKE MACHINE?

ALO LOVES CAKES.

IF THERE'S ONE THING YOUR UNCLE LOVES,

IT'S CAKE.

AND BUTTERFLY BUNS?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'LL MAKE SOME MORE.

HA HA HA!

AH, THE MEN. HARD AT IT, EH?

HARD AT IT, HE SAYS.

I DON'T SUPPOSE THERE'S ROOM

FOR AN OLD FELLOW LIKE MESELF, HUH?

SURE, ANY AMOUNT, FATHER.

HA HA HA HA!

SO, NOTHING STRANGE ANYWAY, LADS, HUH?

I TELL YOU, FATHER,

IF UNCLE ALO DOESN'T COME SOON,

THE HOUSE IS GONNA BURST.

HOW'S IT GOING TO BURST, FRANCIE?

WITH CAKES.

NOT TO MENTION BUTTERFLY BUNS.

NOTHIN' BUT THE BEST FOR UNCLE ALO,

COMIN' ALL THE WAY FROM HIS JOB IN LONDON, EH?

10 MEN UNDER HIM.

10 MEN UNDER HIM.

UNCLE ALO! FUCK!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FATHER.

GOD BLESS YOU NOW.

Francie: SEE YOU, JOE.

SEE YOU, FRANCIE.

I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY MUST HAVE THOUGHT OF US.

A RIGHT-LOOKING TRIBE TO BE LANDING IN BUNDORAN.

NOT TO MENTION THIS MAN HERE.

SURE, WASN'T HE THE STAR OF THE SHOW?

PLAYIN' THAT TRUMPET EVERY NIGHT

FOR THEM BELOW IN THE PARLOR.

AM I RIGHT, ANNIE?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT. SURELY, ALO.

I HEARD ALL ABOUT IT.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CHARLIE?

OH, INDEED IT IS.

THE SUN SHONE OUT OF BENNY BRADY

FOR MRS. THOMPSON.

LOVEBIRDS, HE USED TO CALL THEM.

LOVEBIRDS. BUCKING LOVEBIRDS.

ALO!

AYE, AND HE PLAYED THE TRUMPET

EVERY NIGHT OF THE HONEYMOON.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BENNY?

WELL, I DARESAY I PLAYED A FEW WEE TUNES.

AH, INDEED YOU DID.

AND THAT'S NOT ALL. RIGHT, CHARLIE?

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

LOOK AT THIS HERE, GIRLS. LOOK.

THE BOLD BENNY AND MYSELF AND ANNIE

WERE GOIN' ALONG THE BEACH.

AND OUT COMES THIS FELLOW. 2 AND 6.

"2 AND 6," SAYS THE MAN,

"AND YOU CAN BE KING OF THE JUNGLE."

WELL, I'LL TELL YA, GIRLS,

YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE LIKE OF IT.

BENNY HERE,

WITH HIS HEAD STUCK OUT THROUGH THE CARDBOARD HOLE,

AND THE BODY OF TARZAN ON HIM.

AND HE WAS SHOUTING,

"I'LL GET YOU, McGLONE," HE SAID. "I'LL GET YOU."

GET YOU, McGLONE.

I'LL GET YOU.

IS THAT TRUE, DA, YOU IN A TARZAN'S BODY?

SOME TARZAN, NOW.

SOME JANE.

McGlone: OH, MAN, IT WAS THE BEST HOLIDAY

MAY AND ME EVER SPENT. DO YOU KNOW THAT?

AND FOR YOU PAIR OF TRICKSTERS

TO COME ALONG ON YOUR HONEYMOON.

WILL YOU EVER FORGET IT, BENNY?

NO.

TARZAN BRADY.

GOD, YOU'RE AN AWFUL MAN!

AND YOU JANE, WAS IT?

COME ON, WE'LL SING.

BEAUTIFUL BUNDORAN.

[PIANO PLAYS]

* BEAUTIFUL BUNDORAN *

* BY THE SILVERY SEA *

* YOUR GOLDEN STRAND *

* CHARMS SO GRAND *

* EVER CALLIN' ME *

* YOUR WELCOME'S ALWAYS WAITING *

* AND HAPPINESS FOR ALL *

* IN BEAUTIFUL BUNDORAN *

* THE PRIDE OF DONEGAL *

[NEW SONG PLAYS]

* YOU MUST NEVER DO A TANGO WITH AN ESKIMO *

* NO, NO, NO *

* OH, DEAR, NO *

* WHEN A LADY FROM NEBRASKA *

* IS AT A PARTY IN ALASKA *

* SHE MUST NEVER DO A TANGO *

* WITH AN ESKIMO *

* SHE CAN DO IT WITH A LATIN FROM MANILA TO MANHATTAN *

* SHE CAN DO IT WITH A GAUCHO FROM BRAZIL *

* BUT IF ONCE THOSE ESKIMOSES START TO WIGGLIN' THEIR TOESES *

* YOU CAN BET YOUR LIFE YOU'RE GONNA GET A CHILL *

[ALO SINGING SOFTLY TO HIMSELF]

* THE VILLAGE CHURCH WAS CROWDED *

* AND THE FUNERAL MASS WAS SAID *

* AND HERE WAS I ON BROADWAY *

* BUILDING BRICKS, MY LOVE *

* HIS HUMAN HEART WAS LONELY *

* ITS GRIEF WILL EVER BE... *

ANOTHER WEE DROP BEFORE WE GO.

THE NIGHT IS YOUNG YET, EH, BENNY?

WELL, MY DEAR, EVERY TIME I THINK OF IT,

THE PAIR OF YOU STANDING THERE

WITH YOUR HEADS STICKING OUT THE HOLES,

TARZAN AND JANE BUCKIN' BRADY.

SHUT UP ABOUT IT, SHUT UP ABOUT IT NOW!

SURE, BENNY, I'M ONLY CODDIN'.

A BIT OF A SONG, EH?

THERE'S BEEN ENOUGH SINGIN'.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JOE REILLY?

DO YOU REMEMBER JOE?

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLIN', ALO?

LOOK AT HIM WITH HIS WEE RED HANKY.

DID THE WIFE IRON IT FOR YOU?

BENNY, DON'T.

I WARNED HIM.

CARRYIN' ON WITH MARY

LIKE SOME SCHOOLBOY HALF-WIT.

HADN'T THE GUTS TO ASK HER TO MARRY HIM.

Francie: IT WAS A GRAND PARTY,

BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WAS GETTIN' A BIT TIRED.

SINGIN'S ALL RIGHT, SINGIN'S GRAND,

BUT I THINK 5 BEAUTIFUL BUNDORANS

IS ENOUGH FOR ME,

NOT TO MENTION 2 OLD BOG ROADS

AND ONE NEVER DO A TANGO WITH AN ESKIMO.

DON'T BLAME IT ON HIM. DON'T BLAME ALO

BECAUSE YOU WERE PUT IN A HOME.

JESUS, BENNY, LET IT END.

Francie: AHEM, EXCUSE ME.

Alo: I MUST BE OFF.

YES, IT'S ME, FRANCIE.

I DO BELIEVE I SHALL BE OFF TO SLUMBERDOWN MANSIONS,

IF YOU PLEASE.

I'VE HAD RATHER A LONG DAY, BEGGIN' YOUR PARDON.

BUT, SURE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE TALKIN' TO THE WALLS

AS TRYIN' TO TELL THEM IT WAS TIME FOR BED.

OHH!

MAY THE CURSE OF CHRIST LIGHT UPON YOU, YOU BITCH!

THE DAY I TOOK YOU OUT OF THAT HOLE OF A SHOP IN DERRY

WAS A BITTER ONE FOR ME.

I'M SICK OF HIM! SICK OF HIM! SICK OF HIM!

YES, I DO BELIEVE I SHALL BE OFF

ON MY TRAVELS.

EXCUSE ME, DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE MR. FRANCIS BRADY

BY ANY CHANCE?

I'M SORRY, OLD BEAN, BUT I REALLY WOULDN'T KNOW.

I HOPE HE'S NOT GONE TRAVELING

THROUGH THE WASTES OF SPACE AND TIME

WITH ALGERNON CARRUTHERS.

DON'T YOU WORRY, KEMOSABE.

I'LL BE BACK.

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF FRANCITO BRADY.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME, SEÑOR JOE?

SURE, THEM COMMUNISTS ARE TAKIN' KENNEDY FOR A RIDE.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO DEAL

WITH THE LIKES OF THEM BOYS.

YOU GO IN FIRST.

ONE BOMB IS ALL IT TAKES.

WONDER HOW MANY NUNS THEY'D INTERFERE WITH THEN, HUH?

THAT'D SETTLE THEM, WOULDN'T IT?

INDEED, BY CHRIST, IT WOULD.

I'D KNOCK 7 DIFFERENT KINDS OF SHITE

OUT OF THAT KHRUSHCHEV BASTARD.

GO ON, KHRUSHCHEV, YOU BASTARD!

IS THIS REALLY DUBLIN?

YEAH, IT IS. WHERE'D YOU THINK IT WAS,

FOR JESUS' SAKE?

FOR JESUS' SAKE.

Francie: THE WAY THEY WERE GOIN' ACROSS THAT BRIDGE,

YOU'D THINK SOMEONE HAD SAID,

EXCUSE ME, BUT I'M GONNA LET OFF AN ATOMIC BOMB

ANY MINUTE NOW.

THERE YOU GO.

THANKS, MUM.

THERE'S DAMN ALL WRONG WITH THE COMMUNISTS.

THEY'RE NO WORSE THAN THE REST OF THEM.

YOU SAID IT, MISSUS.

2 SONS IN ENGLAND.

YOU THINK THEY'D SEND YA A COUPLE O' SHILLIN'S.

NOT IF IT WAS TO SAVE THEIR OWN LIVES.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SON?

ALGERNON CARRUTHERS.

I KNEW BY THE LOOK OF YOU YOU HAD MANNERS.

YOU'D SEND A COUPLE O' SHILLIN'S.

YOU'D LOOK AFTER YOUR MOTHER.

Francie: LOOK, MISSUS,

WILL YOU STOP TALKIN' ABOUT MOTHERS

AND GET ME THEM CHIPS?

I REALLY DO NOT HAVE TIME TO TALK TO WOMEN WITH BEARDS

ABOUT MOTHERS, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

THAT'S ONE SHILLING, ALGERNON.

THERE YOU GO.

I'M OFF.

BYE.

SMOKED COD AND CHIPS.

ALL RIGHT, SIR.

OH!

YOU PEOPLE HAVE SMALL LIVES.

YOU ARE UNABLE TO GRASP THE IMPORTANCE

OF TODAY'S EVENTS.

Francie: THERE WAS ONE OF THEM ALIENS.

HE HAD A HUMAN BODY HE STOLE OFF A SNOTTY-NOSED DOCTOR,

BUT YOU KNEW BY THE CUT OF HIM THAT, INSIDE,

HE WAS MRS. NUGENT.

NAH. ONLY JOKIN'.

INSIDE, HE WAS A FAT GREEN BLOB

WITH ARMS LIKE AN OCTOPUS AND HIS FACE ALL SCALES.

AAH!

AH! DAVE!

OHH! AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH!

COME ON, YOU ALIEN BASTARDS!

ONE BOMB IS ALL IT TAKES.

[MUSIC BOX PLAYS]

IT'S £2, 10 FOR THE IRISH COTTAGE, SONNY.

Francie: THE THING ABOUT RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME

IS YOU CAN'T BRING YOUR MOTHER WITH YOU.

IT'D BE GRAND IF YOU COULD, BUT I'M SORRY, OLD BEAN,

THAT'S JUST NOT THE WAY IT IS.

I HOPE YOUR MOTHER LIKES THE PRESENT, SON.

DON'T WORRY, SHE WILL.

THE GOOD LORD DOES HIS HARVESTING

AND FORGETS NO ONE.

TRUE ENOUGH.

[BELL TOLLS]

YOU'D BEST GET OFF HERE, SON.

AH.

THANKS, ANYWAY.

GOOD LORD DOES HIS HARVESTING

AND FORGETS NO ONE.

AH, GOD LOVE YA, SON.

MA.

MA.

MA!

JOE.

JOE.

FRANCIE, WHERE WERE YA?

LOOK WHAT I GOT HER, JOE.

LOOK WHAT I GOT HER.

WELL, YOUR MOTHER'S WITH OUR LADY NOW, FRANCIE,

AND SHE'LL LOOK AFTER HER,

AND SHE'LL LOOK AFTER YOU, TOO, FRANCIE,

IF YOU PRAY TO HER EVERY DAY.

GOOD BOY.

AHH, BENNY.

BENNY.

GET A GOOD REST FOR YOURSELF NOW, EH?

AND MAKE SURE FRANCIE GETS A GOOD REST.

GOD BLESS.

THEY FOUND HER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER

NEAR THE MADHOUSE.

WASN'T ENOUGH TO PUT HER THERE, WAS IT?

YOU HAD TO WRECK HER FUNERAL, TOO.

YOU CAN DO ONE BAD THING, CAN'T YOU, JOE?

YOU CAN DO ONE BAD THING,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

EVERYONE'S GONNA SAY, "HE DID IT. IT'S HIM.

HE DID THE BAD THING."

NO, AND EVEN IF THEY DID SAY THAT,

WHAT WE SAY IS THAT WE DON'T CARE.

WE'RE TOO BUSY.

THAT'S WHAT WE WOULD SAY.

WE'D SAY, "EXCUSE US.

WE'RE TOO BUSY."

YEAH, AND WE'D SAY, "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS."

I HOPE HE'S PROUD OF HIMSELF NOW, THE PIG,

AFTER WHAT HE'S DONE TO HIS POOR MOTHER.

Francie: MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC.

WHAT'S THAT PHILLIP NUGENT GOT TO DO WITH MUSIC?

NOTHING. THAT'S WHAT.

THAT'S SOME MUSIC CASE, PHILLIP.

FRANCIE, I HAVE TO GO. I'M LATE.

PHILLIP, DO YOU LIKE ME?

YES, BUT I HAVE TO GO.

'CAUSE I LIKE YOU.

I THINK YOU'RE A SMASHING CHAP.

YOU THINK I'M A SMASHING CHAP, PHILLIP?

YES.

EXCUSE ME, PHILLIP, BUT DO YOU MEAN, "OH, YES"?

YES.

GO ON, THEN. SAY IT.

SAY WHAT?

FOR GOD'S SAKE, PHILLIP,

JUST SAY, "OH, YES! I THINK YOU ARE A SMASHING CHAP."

OH, YES, I THINK YOU ARE A SMASHING CHAP.

I KNOW I AM, PHILLIP, AND THAT IS SOME MUSIC CASE.

THINK I COULD HAVE A LOOK AT IT?

I DON'T KNOW. MY MOTHER SAYS--

I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOU NOW, PHILLIP.

NO, FRANCIE, HERE. TAKE IT.

YOU CAN HAVE IT.

THANK YOU, PHILLIP.

YOU REALLY ARE A SMASHING CHAP.

YOU KNOW, I MAY BE A [SNORT] PIG,

BUT I CAN STILL BE YOUR FRIEND,

NO MATTER WHAT MRS. NUGE SAYS.

YES, FRANCIE.

WHAT AM I, PHILLIP?

YOU REALLY ARE A SMASHING CHAP.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY I STOLE YOUR COMICS,

BUT NOW THAT WE'RE GETTIN' ON LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE,

I'M GONNA GIVE THEM BACK TO YA.

ARE YOU, FRANCIE?

ON ONE CONDITION.

YOU DON'T TELL ANYBODY WHERE YOU GOT THEM, OK?

OK.

OK, LET'S GO, PARTNER.

Francie: OOH, IT WAS DARK INSIDE THAT CHICKEN HOUSE

WITH ALL THEM CHICKS GOIN' "BARBLE, BARBLE,"

AND PHILLIP GOIN', "OOH, FRANCIE, IT'S DARK IN HERE."

OOH, FRANCIE, IT'S DARK IN HERE.

IT SURE IS, PHILLIP. DON'T WORRY.

IT'LL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU SEE THOSE COMICS.

FRANCIE, IS THAT WHERE THEY ARE?

RIGHT HERE.

NO! FRANCIE! NO!

FRANCIE, WHY?

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

DON'T SAY NOTHIN',

OR IT'S GONNA BE WORSE FROM NOW ON!

YOU WON'T SAY NOTHIN', RIGHT?

YES, FRANCIE!

YOU'VE DONE IT NOW!

YOU'VE REALLY GONE AND DONE IT NOW!

BUT, JOE, I MISSED HIM.

I ONLY PRETENDED TO HIT HIM.

YOU DID LIKE FUCK!

PHILLIP, YOU'RE GONNA GO HOME AND TELL YOUR MOTHER

THAT YOU FELL OUT OF THE APPLE TREE.

DO YOU HEAR ME?

BECAUSE WE'VE HAD HER COMIN' AFTER US BEFORE,

AND WE DON'T WANT IT AGAIN!

DO YOU HEAR ME?

YES, JOE.

JESUS, FRANCIE, WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME KNOW?!

I'M SORRY, JOE.

GET IN THERE!

AND KNEEL DOWN, WILL YA?

AAH!

YOU GOT TO PROMISE, FRANCIE.

YOU GOT TO SWEAR

BY THE BLOOD OF THE APACHE

THAT YOU'LL NEVER GO NEAR HIM AGAIN!

I SWEAR, JOE.

BY THE BLOOD OF THE APACHE.

BY THE BLOOD OF THE APACHE.

NOW GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

GIVE ME YOUR HAND!

AAH! JOE!

WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?

AH! AH! JESUS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME YOUR HAND,

WILL YA?

GIVE ME YOUR HAND, WILL YA?

BLOOD BROTHERS, FRANCIE,

UNTIL THE END OF TIME!

UNTIL THE END OF TIME, JOE.

AS LONG AS YOU SWEAR

NEVER TO GO NEAR HIM AGAIN.

I WON'T, JOE.

BLOOD BROTHERS, FRANCIE.

BLOOD BROTHERS, JOE.

[YELLING UNDERWATER]

HEY, FISH!

FISH!

FUCK OFF!

NOW, FISH.

Francie: WELL, THE FISH FUCKED OFF, ALL RIGHT,

BUT MRS. NUGENT DIDN'T.

HER AND HER 2 BOGMAN BROTHERS

CAME ALONG TO TEACH ME A LESSON.

BY CRIPES, I'LL HOLD HIM DOWN TILL HE DROWNS!

WE'VE NO ARGUMENT AGAINST YOU, PURCELL,

BUT THAT LITTLE BLEEDER HAS ME SISTER'S NERVES IN TATTERS.

TAKE PHILLIP'S COMICS, WOULD YA?

YOU'D GO FOR HIM ON YOUR OWN, HUH?

YOU'LL NEVER TOUCH A NUGENT AGAIN, I SWEAR.

THAT'S THE END OF YOUR GALLOP!

COME ON, BOY.

COME ON, WILL YA? WAKE UP.

FRANCIE.

A LITTLE GULP OF WATER NEVER HURT ANYBODY.

Second man: YA DONE IT NOW. COME ON!

COME ON!

JESUS! WHAT HAS SHE GOT US INTO NOW?

IT WASN'T MY IDEA.

LOOK WHAT YOU DONE!

FRANCIE, PLEASE!

OH, FRANCIE, PLEASE, FRANCIE.

PLEASE, FRANCIE!

COME ON, PLEASE!

PLEASE.

THAT'S A LESSON, JOE.

NEVER TRUST THAT PHILLIP NUGENT.

OH, JESUS! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU KNOW, MRS. NUGENT. I HAVE EARS, YOU KNOW.

I SAID, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU SEE, I JUST HAVE TO SEE PHILLIP.

PHILLIP IS DOIN' HIS LESSONS.

TELL HIM IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT MATTER,

MRS. NUGENT.

PHILLIP, AMAZING FACTS!

THE MOON-- 90 MILLION MILES AWAY!

AND THE COLORADO BEETLE.

DID YOU EVER HEAR OF HIM, MRS. NUGENT?

NO, I DIDN'T.

WATCH OUT FOR HIM, MRS. NUGENT.

HE'S A DISASTER!

BEWARE OF THE COLORADO BEETLE, PHILLIP!

AND YOU THINK PIGS ARE BAD?

THERE'S DAMN THE HELL WRONG WITH PIGS!

AT LEAST HE WOULDN'T EAT YOUR HOUSE AND YOU.

[SNORTING AND SNARLING]

YOU SEE, MRS. NUGENT, A PIG JUST CAN'T DO IT.

[SNORTING]

CAKES!

OOH!

PHILLIP, JUST WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOUR UNCLES GAVE ME A RIGHT GOIN' OVER.

GET OUT! GET OUT!

Francie: WELL, I NEVER SEEN SUCH PUSHIN' AND SHOVIN'

AS WENT ON THAT DAY.

THEY WERE ABOUT THE WORST PUSHERS I HAD EVER SEEN.

MRS. NUGENT, I JUST DON'T KNOW

WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH YOU.

[HONK HONK]

Francie: IT WAS THE CAKES THAT CLINCHED IT.

I DIDN'T KNOW MRS. NUGENT WAS A BUN WOMAN, TOO.

MRS. NUGENT,

THE MOST FAMOUS BUN WOMAN OF ALL TIME, I DO BELIEVE.

Francie: WELCOME TO NUGENT'S,

MR. FRANCIE BRADY!

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO BE STANDIN' HERE

ON THESE BLACK AND WHITE TILES

IN THE SCULLERY OF MRS. NUGENT'S!

Francie: OH, NOT AT ALL, FRANCIE.

WE'RE DELIGHTED TO HAVE YOU.

NOW, YOU MUST MEET EVERYONE.

SURE, DON'T I KNOW THEM ALL?

YOUR HUSBAND, MR. 10-TON HOPPITY BOLLOCKS!

AND YOUR SON...PHILLIP!

AAH!

I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAND IT TO YOU, MRS. NUGENT.

WHEN IT COMES TO POLISHING--FLIES! OHH!

NOT IN YOUR HOUSE, MRS. NUGENT.

ANY CAKES UNDER LOCK AND KEY,

WHERE MR. FLY AND HIS CRONIES CAN'T GET AT THEM!

AH!

TV announcer: A SUBMARINE BOMB EXPLODED IN A HARBOR

MIGHT AFFECT A CITY.

THE AFFECTED AREA WOULD BE A POOR PICNIC SITE.

AMAZING FACTS.

Francie: BUT DO YOU THINK THOSE NUGENTS

WOULD EVER PAY ATTENTION?

AMAZING FACTS IS WASTED ON THAT LOT.

GOOD HEAVEN'S, PHILLIP, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.

RIGHT, THAT'S IT. WRITE IT OUT 20 TIMES.

NOW, "PHILLIP IS A PIG."

* PHILLIP IS A PIG, PHILLIP IS A PIG *

* PIG, PIG, PIG, PIG *

* PHILLIP IS A PIG... *

TV announcer: IT'S A BOMB! DUCK AND COVER!

TONY KNOWS THE BOMB

CAN EXPLODE ANY TIME OF THE YEAR, DAY OR NIGHT.

DUCK AND COVER!

WE MUST BE READY EVERY DAY, ALL THE TIME.

IT'S A BOMB.

DUCK AND COVER.

DUCK AND COVER.

Francie: ALL RIGHT, THEN, ENOUGH ABOUT BOMBS.

TODAY WE'RE GOIN' TO DO THE FARMYARD.

NOW, CAN ANYONE TELL ME

WHAT ANIMALS WE FIND IN THE FARMYARD?

COWS?

COWS. YES, INDEED. WE DO FIND COWS.

SHEEP?

AND WHAT ELSE?

PIGS.

PIGS! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, PHILLIP.

AND WHAT DO PIGS DO, PHILLIP?

[SNORT]

THEY RUN ROUND THE FARMYARD.

ANY TAKERS AT THE BACK?

GIVE US RASHERS?

WELL, THAT'S TRUE,

BUT THAT'S NOT THE ANSWER I'M LOOKING FOR.

MRS. NUGENT, I CAN TELL IT'S COMING.

THEY DO...

NO, MRS. NUGENT. OUT WITH IT.

THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

WHAT DO PIGS DO?

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO GO OVER IT?

NOW, MRS. NUGENT, DON'T BE SHY.

YOU CAN DO IT.

5...4...3...

2...

1...

[BOOM]

[SQUEALING]

AHH!

AH, MRS. NUGENT, CATCH ANYTHING?

Francie: WELL, THAT MRS. NUGENT.

HOW WAS I TO RUN A PROPER PIG SCHOOL

WITH ALL THESE INTERRUPTIONS?

DISGUSTING BOY!

DISGUSTING!

THANK CHRIST YOUR MOTHER ISN'T HERE TO SEE THIS.

OH, SHE'S IN THE LAKE! IT WAS ME WHO PUT HER THERE.

FRANCIE. IT WAS JUST A MISTAKE, WASN'T IT?

YOU DIDN'T TOUCH PHILLIP NUGENT, DID YA?

JOE, I'M INNOCENT. I DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM.

I JUST WANTED A PIECE OF CAKE.

BLOOD BROTHERS, FRANCIE, UNTIL THE END OF TIME!

UNTIL THE END OF TIME, JOE. JOE!

JOE!

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO IT, SON?

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THE LIKES OF THAT?

Francie: UP SHE ROSE OUT OF NOWHERE,

THE HOUSE WITH THE HAUNTED WINDOWS,

JUST LIKE THE ONE

WHERE DA AND ALO SPENT ALL THOSE HAPPY DAYS,

AND WHAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR DA AND ALO

MUST BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR FRANCIE.

SO THIS IS THE FAMOUS FRANCIE BRADY, HMM?

AYE, THAT'S RIGHT, FATHER. THAT'S ME.

SPEAK WHEN YOU'RE SPOKEN TO!

CHRIST, IF YOU WERE ONE OF MINE,

I'D BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, SERGEANT.

YOU'LL HAVE NO WORRIES ABOUT THIS FELLA.

I'LL LOOK AFTER HIM. GOD BLESS NOW.

RIGHT, FATHER.

BYE, SERGEANT. LOOK OUT FOR THEM ROBBERS, NOW.

THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU.

THEM ROBBERS. YOU CAN'T BE UP TO THEM--

AAH!

WELL, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF YOUR NEW HOME, MR. BRADY?

IT'S GRAND.

GOOD ENOUGH FOR PIGS.

YOU'LL FIND NO PIGS HERE.

THE INCREDIBLE SCHOOL FOR PIGS.

HMM?

VERY WELL, THEN.

I'LL EXPECT YOU IN CHAPEL FOR PRAYERS BEFORE TEA.

WE'RE HERE THE LONGEST IN THIS SCHOOL,

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

ANYONE GIVES YOU TROUBLE, YOU JUST COME TELL US.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

SO DOES THAT MEAN YOUSE'LL PROTECT ME?

AYE.AYE. AYE.

THE GREAT AL CAPONE BOUGHT MY PROTECTION RACKET.

WHO'S AL CAPONE?

WHO'S AL CAPONE? WHO'S AL CAPONE?

HEY, BOYS.

WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT DOES ONE FLEA SAY TO ANOTHER?

I DON'T KNOW.

WILL WE WALK OR TAKE THE DOG?

HA HA HA!

TAKE THE DOG!

WHERE DID YA HEAR THAT JOKE?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

ALGERNON CARRUTHERS.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU, ALGERNON.

ANYONE ANNOYS YOU, YOU TELL US,

'CAUSE WE'RE THE LONGEST IN THIS SCHOOL.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, FELLAS?

WELL, IF YOUSE ARE GONNA PROTECT ME,

YOUSE BETTER FOLLOW ME.

Francie: WELL, I NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THOSE BOGMEN,

THEIR BONY ASSES COCKED IN THE AIR

LIKE THEY WERE CARRYIN'

AN INVISIBLE SACK OF SPUDS AT THE BACK.

OUT WITH THE BACKSIDE, UP WITH THE NOSE,

AND WE'LL KNOCK 7 DIFFERENT KINDS OF SHITE

OUT OF ANYONE WHO LAYS A FINGER ON FRANCIE BRADY.

COME ON, BOYS.

Francie: WELL, IT WAS SURE GOOD IN THAT OLD SCHOOL--

ALL IN LINE LIKE APACHES

AND FATHER BUBBLES WITH THE BIG RED COUNTRY FACE ON HIM

LIKE A BEAUTY-OF-BATH APPLE FROM THE WALKIN',

AND ME GIVIN' THE BOGMEN LESSONS

IN HOW TO TALK LIKE AL CAPONE.

OK, BOGMEN, LET'S HEAR SOME OF THAT AL CAPONE LINGO.

THOSE GUYS EVER COME ROUND HERE AGAIN,

WE'LL KICK THEIR ARSES

INTO THEIR NECKS.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, FRANCIE?

NO! WE'LL RUB THEM OUT, I TOLD YA!

NO, I TOLD YA, YOU BOLLOCKS, YA.

HEY, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU AT?

I WANT TO SEE THE FOUR OF YA IN MY OFFICE AFTER TEA.

AND YOU STACK THEM PROPERLY, YOU FOOL, YOU.

OH, THAT'S GREAT WORK, FRANCIE.

AH, YOU'D NEVER BE FINISHED,

YOU KNOW THAT, FATHER.

OH, NOW.

[SNORING]

Francie: AS SOON AS THE LIGHTS WENT OUT,

WHEEZE, WHEEZE, WHEEZE.

SLEEP FOR THEM, BUT NOT FOR FRANCIE BRADY.

A SAINT IN EVERY WINDOWSILL

SNORIN' 10 TO THE DOZEN, TOO.

QUIT BREATHIN', YOUSE BASTARDS!

Francie: "OH, FRANCIE BRADY,"

JESUS WAS SAYIN', "ISN'T IT A TERRIBLE PITY?"

ISN'T WHAT A TERRIBLE PITY?

OOH, AH, AH...

I'M ONLY SAYIN', HE SAYS.

NO. YOU DIDN'T ANSWER ME. ISN'T WHAT A TERRIBLE PITY?

OH, NOTHIN'. I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

DID YOU, PATRICK?

NO, NO. IT MUST HAVE BEEN GABRIEL.

HE SAYS, FUCK OFF, WILL YOUSE?

NOW, MIND YOUR LANGUAGE, PLEASE, FRANCIE.

YOU THINK THEY'D GET THEIR SHOES DIRTY?

OH, NO. OH, NO.

WALKIN' AROUND IN THEIR BLACK SKIRTS

AND THEIR PENGUIN COLORS.

LET THEM CUT THEIR OWN GRASS VERGES.

THAT'S A HARDY DAY, ISN'T IT?

THINK THEY'D DO IT? NO.

BUT THEY'RE QUICK ENOUGH TO ANNOY ME

WHEN THEY TAKE THE NOTION.

"OOH, YOU MISSED A BIT HERE," HE SAYS.

"YOU MISSED A BIT THERE."

FUCK HIM AND HIS GRASS VERGES.

ME THAT FOUGHT WITH MICHAEL COLLINS

IN THE TROUBLED TIMES.

WHICH COLLINS WAS THAT NOW?

AH, THERE YOU ARE, JIMMY.

I WAS JUST WONDERING

ABOUT THIS GRASS VERGE OVER HERE

AT THE SIDE, HMM?

OH, AYE, SURELY, FATHER. DO YOU KNOW WHAT?

WASN'T I ABOUT TO CUT IT THIS VERY MINUTE?

WELL, YOU HAVE TO KEEP ON TOP OF THEM.

YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO LET THEM GO FOR A MINUTE.

NO, YOU CANNOT, INDEED, FATHER.

Francie: WELL, THEM BOGMEN LIKED THEIR PORRIDGE,

THEY CERTAINLY DID.

MIND YOU, THE OLD SCHOOL WASN'T THAT BAD,

AND IT WAS THE BEST SCHOOL IN THE WORLD

THE DAY THAT OLD LETTER CAME FROM JOE.

YOU KNOW WHERE I MET JOE FIRST?

JOE WHO?

WHO DO YOU THINK?

JOE PURCELL!

I DON'T KNOW ANY JOE PURCELL.

MAN, BUT YOU'RE A BOGMAN.

JOE PURCELL, THE BOY WHO WROTE THIS LETTER.

I NEVER GET ANY LETTERS.

WELL, AREN'T YOUSE GONNA ASK ME?

ASK YOU WHAT?

WHERE I MET HIM FIRST?

WHERE DID YOU MEET HIM FIRST?

IT WAS AT THE FOUNTAIN.

IT WAS AT THE FOUNTAIN.

THERE AREN'T ANY FOUNTAINS ROUND OUR WAY.

Francie: "DEAR FRANCIE, YOU IDIOT.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOIN'?

"WERE YOU TRYIN' TO BURN DOWN THE NUGENTS' HOUSE?

"THERE'S ALL SORTS OF STORIES ABOUT YA.

"YOU'LL HAVE TO LAY OFF PHILLIP.

PHILLIP ISN'T THAT BAD."

AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE.

JOE SAYIN' PHILLIP WON A GOLDFISH AT THE CARNIVAL

AND GAVE IT TO HIM.

PHILLIP AT THE CARNIVAL WITH JOE?

I KNEW IT WAS A JOKE,

BUT THEN I SAYS, MAYBE IT WASN'T.

MAYBE PHILLIP DID WIN A GOLDFISH,

AND, WORST OF ALL, MAYBE JOE TOOK IT.

"TIMES ARE TOUGH, JIMMY," HE SAYS.

A SHILLING RISE IS ALL HE COULD MANAGE.

MAYBE NEXT YEAR.

FUCKIN' SKY PILOT!

I'D GIVE THEM THAT!

SEE? HUH?

IF YOU WERE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE

AND THIS OTHER PERSON GAVE YOU A GOLDFISH,

THE OTHER PERSON YOU WERE FRIENDS WITH,

WOULD YOU TAKE IT?

IF WHO GAVE IT TO YA?

THE OTHER FELLA.

OH, BEDAD NOW, I WOULDN'T KNOW.

I WOULDN'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT GOLDFISHES,

IN THE HEEL OF THE HUNT TO BE STRAIGHT WITH YA.

OK.

IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY.

Francie: I THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A WHILE,

AND THEN I SAYS I WON'T THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN.

I WON'T, I WON'T, I WON'T.

THERE WON'T BE NO MORE ABOUT GOLDFISH

AND CARNIVALS FOR ME.

GOLDFISH AND CARNIVALS, THE END.

I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE LEARNING MANNERS, FRANCIE.

THANK YOU, FATHER.

OH, NOW...

AND SO I'VE SEEN THEM ALL COME AND GO

SINCE THE VERY FIRST DAY I CAME HERE

AS A FRESH YOUNG CURATE MYSELF.

THERE'S OUR FOUNDER, FRANCIE, NOW, FATHER CLEARY.

IS IT NOW, INDEED, FATHER?

Francie: WAS IT HIM THAT FOUNDED THE SCHOOL

FOR BOGMEN WITH BONY ASSES, I SAYS.

I DID LIKE FUCK.

FATHER CLEARY HAD A SAYING.

NO BOY IS SO BAD

THAT YOU CAN'T FIND A SCRAP OF GOODNESS IN HIM.

MM-HMM.

Francie: BUT WHAT DID JOE HAVE TO TAKE IT FOR?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY DIDN'T HE SAY,

"SORRY, PHILLIP, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR GOLDFISH.

YOU'RE NOTHIN' TO DO WITH US."

THEN IT CAME TO ME.

JOE ONLY TOOK THE GOLDFISH

SO THERE WOULD BE PEACE BETWEEN US ALL.

AND WHEN I CAME HOME, ME AND JOE

WOULD JUST CARRY ON THE WAY WE HAD.

THE DEVIL MAKES WORK FOR IDLE HANDS,

YOU SEE, FRANCIE.

AND THERE'S NO FLITTER OF BADNESS

THAT GOOD, FRESH COUNTRY AIR

AND HARD WORK CAN'T CURE.

Francie: AND THAT WAS THE END OF THE GOLDFISH.

BECAUSE, FROM NOW ON, I WAS GOING TO BE GOOD,

AND IF ANYONE WAS LOOKING FOR FRANCIE THE BAD BASTARD,

THEY WOULDN'T FIND HIM, BECAUSE HE WAS BUSY GETTIN'

THE "FRANCIE NOT A BAD BASTARD ANYMORE" DIPLOMA.

AND SOON I WOULD BE OUT, AND WHERE WOULD I BE THEN?

RIGHT AT THE FOUNTAIN

WITH THE ONE AND ONLY JOE PURCELL,

KING OF ALL TIME.

WHEN I SEE YOU OUT THERE IN THE BOG, FRANCIE,

BENDING YOUR BACK,

I KNOW THERE'S GOODNESS IN YOU.

BUT, FATHER...

YES, FRANCIE?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO BETTER

THAN CUTTIN' TURF AND GRASS VERGES?

WHAT, FRANCIE?

I'D LIKE TO BE AN ALTAR BOY, FATHER.

BEGOD, FRANCIE...

YOU'RE FULL OF SURPRISES, HUH?

Francie: AND THE FRANCIE BRADY

"NOT A BAD BASTARD ANYMORE" AWARD GOES TO...

BEGOD! I THINK IT'S FRANCIE BRADY.

AND SO IT WAS THAT THE BLESSED VIRGIN MARY

APPEARED TO 3 SMALL CHILDREN WHO WERE CHOSEN BY HER,

3 BEAUTIFUL LITTLE SERVANTS OF GOD

CHOSEN TO DELIVER HER SPECIAL MESSAGE,

FOR SHE KNEW THAT THE SOUL OF A CHILD

IS THE PUREST OF ALL.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, FRANCIE?

GET BACK TO WORK WHEN YOU'RE TOLD TO!

GET BACK TO WORK WHEN YOU'RE TOLD TO!

DID SHE SPEAK TO YOU, FRANCIS?

NO. SHE JUST LOOKED.

I THINK SHE MIGHT SPEAK THE NEXT TIME.

OH, FRANCIS...

I THINK YOU'VE UNLOCKED SOMETHING VERY PRECIOUS.

THANK YOU, FATHER.

COME ON INSIDE. TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

SO YOU'VE UNLOCKED SOMETHING VERY PRECIOUS, HAVE YA?

THE OLD BOLLOCKS.

THE BALUBAS DIDN'T GIVE 'EM HALF ENOUGH.

THE BALUBAS?

YEAH, THE BALUBAS.

THEY HAD THEIR CLOTHES AND ALL OFF

FROM OVER IN AFRICA

AND IN THE COOKING POT ABOUT TO LIGHT THE STICKS

WHEN THE ARMY COME.

YOU DON'T THINK HE WAS LIKE THAT ALL HIS LIFE, DO YA?

[SPITS]

FRESH DAY, FRANCIE.

GOOD BOY.

HELLO, FRANCIE.

HELLO, OUR LADY.

HOW ARE THINGS?

UH, NOT SO BAD,

BUT I WAS A BIT WORRIED THERE FOR A WHILE.

BUT I'M OK NOW.

WORRIED, FRANCIE?

WHAT WERE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

THE GOLDFISH.

THE GOLDFISH?

WHAT GOLDFISH, FRANCIE?

THE GOLDFISH PHILLIP GAVE TO JOE.

OH.

FRANCIE, YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T WORRY

ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

JOE'S YOUR FRIEND, ISN'T HE?

YES, OUR LADY.

OF COURSE HE IS.

OF COURSE HE IS.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A PARTICULAR REASON

WHY SHE CHOSE YOU, FRANCIE.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SO SPECIAL.

WORRYING MY HEAD ABOUT GOLDFISH.

SHE SAYS I'VE NO SENSE.

A YOUNG FELLA LIKE YOU WITH HIS LIFE BEFORE HIM?

WHAT CALL HAVE YOU TO BE WORRIED?

FRANCIS.

YES, FATHER?

WOULD YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT AGAIN?

THE FIRST TIME YOU SAW HER.

WELL, THE FIRST TIME THERE WAS THIS PERFUME,

AND THEN THERE WAS THIS SMELL.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS

UNTIL THESE ROSE PETALS

STARTED FALLING OUT OF THE SKY.

Francie: SO, THERE I AM, TELLING HIM THE STORY,

AND THE NEXT THING, HIS HAND IS JIGGLING IN HIS POCKET.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE, FATHER TIDDLY?

PAY ATTENTION. YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE BLOODY NUGENTS.

THIS IS AMAZING FACTS ABOUT OUR LADY I'M TELLING YOU,

AND YOU'RE JIGGLING AWAY THERE.

COME ON, DEAR. WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT?

THE NEXT THING, HE BENDS OVER SHAKING.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA BREAK INTO 2 HALVES.

I'D BE IN A RIGHT FIX IF THAT HAPPENED.

JUST WHAT IS ONE HALF OF FATHER TIDDLY

DOING OVER BY THE BOOKCASE

AND THE OTHER HALF ON THE FLOOR?

DON'T YOU BE BOTHERIN' YOUR HEAD ABOUT IT, FATHER.

COME OUT FROM UNDER THOSE HANDS NOW.

[WHIMPERING]

WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS WHY DOES SHE NEVER APPEAR TO US?

MAYBE IT'S ONLY TO FELLAS CALLED FRANCIE.

WHAT, DO YOU THINK SHE'S NOTHING BETTER TO DO

THAN APPEAR TO MUCKSAVAGE BOLLOCKSES

LIKE YOU?

*

*

[DOOR OPENS]

HERE'S THE BOY NOW.

COMING ALONG GRAND HE IS, TOO.

UP AT 7:00 EVERY MORNING SERVING MASS.

HE'S A CREDIT, MR. BRADY.

Francie: THERE WAS DA IN HIS AL CAPONE COAT.

HOW ARE YOU, FATHER?

NO, THAT'S NOT A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN ME POCKET.

I KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE MYSELF.

SURE, WASN'T I IN A HOME LIKE THIS WITH ALO

ALL THOSE YEARS AGO?

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

THEY'RE LOVEBIRDS, FRANCIE.

ALO WAS RIGHT, YOU KNOW.

DON'T TALK ABOUT ALO.

THERE WAS NO ROWS THOSE DAYS.

NO WHISKEY, NOTHING.

THE WAR WAS JUST OVER, AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY.

BUT ALO WAS ONLY HALF RIGHT, FRANCIE.

I MET HER 3 TIMES IN BUNDORAN,

AND ALWAYS IN THE BOARDINGHOUSE

OVER THE WAVES,

WHERE THERE WAS MUSIC IN THE EVENING.

SHUT UP.

SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

I JUST STARTED A BRASS BAND AT THE TIME, FRANCIE,

THE TIME I MET EDDIE CALVERT.

SOMETIMES YOU GET TO THINKING, SON,

ABOUT THE OLD DAYS.

WELL, THEY'RE GONE.

THE PAIR OF US

LIKE A COUPLE OF YOUNGSTERS...

"YOU PUT YOUR HEAD IN, BENNY," HE SAYS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME AS TARZAN?

McGLONE EGGIN' HER ON.

THERE WAS NO WHISKEY THEN, SON.

ONLY THE SEA AND THE WAVES.

WE SAID THE ROSARY ON THE ROCKS,

US AND THE McGLONES.

WE SAID THE ROSARY ON THE ROCKS.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE ROSARY ON THE ROCKS.

WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS, SON.

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED THAT WOMAN.

"MAY THE CURSE OF CHRIST LIGHT UPON YE, YA BITCH.

"THE DAY I TOOK YOU OUT OF THAT HOLE OF A SHOP IN DERRY

WAS A BITTER ONE FOR ME."

I CAME HERE TO SEE YA, SON.

IF ONLY YOU KNEW.

YOU HAVE NO SON.

YOU PUT ME IN A HOME LIKE HER.

WHAT DID I DO?

WHAT DID I DO?

I LOVED YOU LIKE NO FATHER EVER LOVED A SON, FRANCIE.

Francie: IT WAS HARD FOR HIM TO SAY IT.

I COULD BARELY HEAR HIM.

IT WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER IF HE DREW OUT AND HIT ME.

WELL, FRANCIS,

THAT WAS A NICE SURPRISE.

SURE. IF YOU CAN'T HAVE A BIT OF A LAUGH,

WHAT CAN YOU HAVE? ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT, FATHER.

YOU'D NEVER BELIEVE THIS, FRANCIE,

BUT MY OWN MOTHER

HAD A BONNET NEARLY THE VERY SAME.

IS THAT RIGHT?

YEAH.

YEAH. IT HAD RIBBONS, TOO.

FRANCIE...

DID YOUR MOTHER WEAR A BONNET?

NO.

SHE ONLY WORE SCARVES.

JUST SCARVES.

WELL, SHE MUST'VE WORN A BONNET SOMETIMES.

ARE YOU SURE SHE DIDN'T WEAR ONE?

MAYBE AT CHRISTMAS OR EASTER.

OH, SHE MUST HAVE.

NO, SHE DIDN'T WEAR BONNETS, FATHER.

I ALWAYS LIKED A BONNET.

A BONNET IS NICE.

I SAID SHE DIDN'T WEAR BONNETS, FATHER.

DID SHE WEAR RIBBONS LIKE THIS?

LITTLE RIBBONS COMING DOWN HERE.

FRANCIE, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME NOW

THE WORST THING YOU EVER DONE.

I DID NOTHIN' BAD.

SOMETHING SO BAD, SO AWFUL

YOU WOULDN'T TELL YOUR OWN MOTHER.

WHAT DID I DO THAT'S SO BAD?

YOU BASTARD!

I DID NOTHIN' BAD!

GOD FORGIVE US.

WELL, BY CHRIST, YOU'RE THE GOOD ONE.

IT'S ONLY A PITY

YOU DIDN'T CUT THE TODGER OFF HIM ENTIRELY.

THEM AND THEIR GRASS FUCKIN' VERGES.

THEY'RE SHITTIN' THEMSELVES NOW,

IN CASE THE NEWSPAPERS HEAR ABOUT IT.

BE CHRIST, FRANCIE.

THERE HASN'T BEEN AS MUCH CRACK ROUND HERE

SINCE BULL McQUAID RODE THE GOAT.

HERE WE ARE.

A GREAT MAN.

A WONDERFUL MAN.

BUT WE ALL HAVE OUR PROBLEMS, DON'T WE?

THE PRIESTHOOD IS A LONELY LOT,

AND THERE'S NOT ONE OF US THAT'S PERFECT.

FATHER SULLIVAN WAS A GREAT MAN, YOU KNOW.

THE NIGHT HE WENT IN THE MISSION,

I REMEMBER IT WELL,

SO HE HAD US IN STITCHES LAUGHING, YOU KNOW?

FATHER...

YES, FRANCIE?

I WANT ONE OF THESE CUSTARD CREAMS.

YOU CAN, FRANCIE. TAKE 2. THEY'RE SMALL.

TAKE 2, THEY'RE SMALL.

UH...HA HA!

HA HA HA!

SURE, A BIT OF A LAUGH NOW AND THEN

IS WHAT MOST OF US NEED, I SUPPOSE.

BUT FATHER SULLIVAN NOW WILL BE OFF TO SOME SPEND TIME

WITH HIS SISTER IN DUBLIN.

AFTER A REST, SURE, HE'LL BE RIGHT AS RAIN AGAIN.

FATHER, THESE ARE GRAND CUSTARD CREAMS.

FRANCIE, THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO TELL YOU NOW,

AND, WELL, I DON'T WANT YOU TO BREATHE IT TO A SOUL.

EH?

UM...

AHEM.

FATHER DOYLE WAS JUST SAYING LAST NIGHT

HOW WELL YOU'RE COMING ON, YOU KNOW.

AND I SUPPOSE REALLY WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY

IS THAT, UH, YOU KNOW, IF YOU KEEP THIS UP,

WELL, I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED

IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE

AT THE END OF THE--

OH, BOY!

AT THE END OF THE WEEK, REALLY, YOU KNOW?

Francie: POOR OLD BUBBLES.

WHAT HE WAS REALLY TRYING TO SAY WAS,

FRANCIE, YOU CAN HAVE

THE FRANCIE "NOT A BAD BASTARD ANYMORE" DIPLOMA

AS LONG AS YOU GET OUT OF HERE

AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

YOU'RE LIKE A FUNGUS GROWING ON THE WALLS,

AND WE WANT THEM WASHED CLEAN.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, FATHER BUBBLES? 'TIS, INDEED.

YOU'RE A TERROR FOR THE CUSTARD CREAMS, HUH?

Francie: OFF I WENT,

RIDIN' DOWN THE FRESH, CRUNCHY ROAD.

YEP, IT WAS SURE GOOD TO BE BACK IN THAT TOWN.

YEE-HAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, MISTER?

THAT'S OUR FOUNTAIN!

IS IT YOURS? IS IT?

YES. WE'RE IN CHARGE OF IT.

ME AND BRANDY.

OK. I WON'T TOUCH IT ANYMORE.

I RECKON, MISTER.

I'LL LET YOU GO THIS TIME.

IT MIGHT BE YOUR FOUNTAIN NOW,

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO IT USED TO BELONG TO?

NO. WHO?

ME AND JOE PURCELL, THAT'S WHO.

WELL, YOU DON'T OWN IT NOW.

WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS,

COMIN' IN HERE?

YEAH, TAKING OVER OUR FOUNTAIN.

LET HIM GET HIS OWN BLOODY FOUNTAIN.

WHY DID THEY LOCK YOU IN THE BOILER HOUSE FOR?

THE BOILER HOUSE WAS JUST ONE THING, JOE.

IT WAS JUST ONE THING.

BUT WHY DID THEY LOCK YOU IN THERE?

I KNOW YOU'RE IN A BIT OF A BAD MOOD, JOE.

IT'S THE THING WITH THE GOLDFISH, ISN'T IT?

WHAT GOLDFISH?

WHAT GOLDFISH?

YOU'RE SOME MAN, JOE. "WHAT GOLDFISH?"

THE THING ABOUT THE GOLDFISH IS

THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER IN THE SLIGHTEST.

JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, OK?

OK.

OK, NOW, THE BOILER HOUSE-- WHY DID THEY LOCK ME IN THERE?

WELL, FATHER TIDDLY AND HIS BLOODY MICKEY. WHY ELSE?

IMAGINE IT, JOE, A PRIEST WANTING YOU TO WEAR BONNETS.

I SAID, "NO, FATHER. NO BONNETS,

NOT UNTIL YOU FORK OUT THE CHOCOLATES."

MAN, JOE, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE FACE ON HIM.

I'VE GOT TO GO NOW.

WHAT?

I HAVE ESSAYS TO DO.

ESSAYS?

WHATEVER THEY ARE.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU ON SATURDAY, THEN.

JOE...

YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME ABOUT FATHER TIDDLY

AND ALL THAT, NOW, DID YA?

HEY, THAT WAS SOME LAUGH, MAKING THAT UP.

IMAGINE IT, JOE, A PRIEST WANTING TO DO THE LIKE OF THAT.

SOME HOPE, EH, JOE?

SOME HOPE.

THEY LOVED ME TONIGHT, SON.

[PLAYING SMOOTHLY]

Francie: AND THERE WAS DA AGAIN,

PLAYING THAT LOVELY TRUMPET.

WHEN I HEARD HIM, IT BROUGHT BACK MA

AND ALL THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS,

LIKE SNOWDROPS AND ROSES AND FLASH BARS,

AND ME AND JOE BY THE LAKE,

AS IF GOLDFISH AND NUGENTS HAD NEVER BEEN INVENTED.

I'M SORRY, SON.

I'M SORRY.

[COUGHING]

DA. DA.

LEDDY WANTS YOU TO START TOMORROW, SON.

[SQUEALING]

[GUNSHOT]

I CAN HELP IF YOU LIKE, MR. LEDDY.

NOT NOW, SON.

YOU JUST CLEAN UP AROUND. LEAVE THIS TO ME.

[SQUIRT]

THEY DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT TO 'EM, MR. LEDDY.

WHAT, SON?

CUT THEIR THROAT.

INDEED, THEY DO NOT.

NOT ONE BIT.

AH, HELLO, LADIES.

WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT WHO'S HERE.

FRANCIE, YOU'RE BACK.

WE THINK YOU WERE AT THE SCHOOL.

AH. ALL OVER NOW, LADIES.

FRANCIE BRADY, BACK IN ACTION.

KNOW WHAT IT IS, FRANCIE?

I THINK YOU'RE GETTING BIG.

HE IS, INDEED,

HIM WITH THE BIG JOB AND ALL.

FRANCIE BRADY, THE BUTCHER BOY.

Woman: AH, FRANCIE, YOU'RE A TICKET.

WHAT KIND OF TICKET WOULD THAT BE, NOW, LADIES, HUH?

A BUS TICKET MAYBE, YEAH? YEAH?

MAYBE A TRAIN TICKET!

OR A ONE-WAY TICKET, AM I?

IS THAT WHAT I AM?

I HAD YOU THERE, LADIES, HADN'T I?

A TICKET! HAH!

A TICKET.

YES, ALL RIGHT, A TICKET.

HA HA HA!

THERE'S ONE PIG THAT'S COME TO THE END OF THE ROAD ANYWAY.

SHE WAS AN AWFUL WOMAN, YOUR MOTHER.

THE SQUEALS OF HER IN THE WATER.

SQUEALING, DA?

AND THE McGLONES LAUGHING THEIR HEADS OFF AT US.

HERE, DA. HAVE SOME MORE TEA.

YOU'RE THE BEST WEE SON THAT EVER WAS, FRANCIE.

[COUGHING]

SQUEALING HER HEAD OFF!

FRANCIE, WHERE'D YOU GET THE MONEY?

FROM LEDDY.

I'M A WORKING MAN NOW, JOE.

SAVING UP FOR A MILLION TRILLION FLASH BARS.

BUT THE THING IS, JOE,

THE MAIN THING IS,

THINGS WILL BE ALWAYS LIKE THE OLD DAYS.

AH, MAYBE.

NO MAYBES ABOUT IT, JOE.

GO ON. SAY IT THE WAY YOU USED TO SAY IT.

SAY WHAT?

OK, FELLAS, WE'RE RIDIN' OUT!

OK, FELLAS, WE'RE RIDIN' OUT!

DEATH TO ALL DOGS WHO ENTER HERE!

YOU SAID IT.

HEY, FISH!

FUCK OFF!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, FISH?!

YOU SPERMY LITTLE BASTARDS!

Francie: WE HAD SOME LAUGHS OUT THERE,

ME AND JOE, JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS.

AND IF I EVER THOUGHT

I HAD IMAGINED THE OLD DAYS WITH JOE, I WAS WRONG.

I SURE WAS.

BUT I HADN'T RECKONED ON MRS. NUGENT, HAD I?

SENDING HER BOGMAN BROTHERS AFTER ME

FOR SHITTIN' ON HER FLOOR.

ISN'T THIS OUR LUCKY DAY?

BACK OFF, YOUNG JOE.

YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY NOW.

WHO'S GONNA MAKE ME SORRY?

FRANCIE, PLEASE DON'T START ANY TROUBLE.

GO ON, BUTTSY!

OH, SHIT.

OH, JESUS!

AAH!

SHE CAN'T EVEN LEAVE THE HOUSE!

WHY COULDN'T YOU LET HER ALONE?

AYE, YOU CAN GIVE IT, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE IT!

THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOOD FOR!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

GET BACK HERE!

AAH!

LOOK AT YOUR BUDDY!

LOOK AT YOUR BUDDY FROM THE TERRACE, PURCELL!

AAH!

COME ON, PURCELL, LOOK AT HIM!

WHY ARE YOU HANGING AROUND WITH HIM FOR ANYWAY?

WHAT DOES YOUR OLD MAN SAY?

I'M NOT HANGING AROUND WITH HIM!

I USED TO HANG AROUND WITH HIM.

HE KEEPS CALLING. HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.

HEE HEE HEE!

AAH!

OH, JEEZ!

OHH!

NO, FRANCIE!

FRANCIE, NO! FRANCIE!

WHAT'D YOU MEAN, JOE?

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?

JOE WOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT BUT FOR YOU!

YOU BASTARD!

AAH!

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, JOE,

PRETENDING YOU USED TO HANG AROUND WITH ME.

GAVE ME MY CHANCE AND SMACK WITH THE ROCK!

HE HADN'T RECKONED THAT US BE BLOOD BROTHERS, EH, JOE?

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT, JOE?

COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN SOMETHING ELSE?

YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT, DID YOU, JOE?

NO, FRANCIE.

BLOOD BROTHERS, JOE.

Francie: SO LONG, TONTO.

THIS IS YOUR OLD PAL, THE LONE RANGER.

YOU TAKE ALL OF MY FISH.

YOU'RE A FRIEND OF JOE PURCELL'S,

AREN'T YOU?

SHE FANCIES HIM.

LIAR. I DO NOT.

WILL YOU GIVE HIM A MESSAGE FOR HER?

GO ON. YOU'RE HIS FRIEND, AREN'T YOU?

I USED TO BE.

I DON'T MEAN TO ANNOY YOU, MR. PURCELL,

BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR JOE.

JOE'S NOT HERE, FRANCIE.

HE'S GONE AWAY TO CARRICK TO HIS AUNTIE'S.

OH.

Francie: AND OUT OF THE MISTS

COMES DR. BOYD IN HIS DRACULA OUTFIT,

LOOKING FOR HIS PINT OF BLOOD.

STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE AND SAY AH,

AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, CAN I BITE YOUR NECK?

FUCK OFF, DR. BOYD, YOU WANKER.

THERE WAS ONLY ONE GOOD MUSICIANOR IN THIS TOWN,

AND THAT WAS DA, BUT THAT WAS ALL OVER NOW.

ALL OVER, THAT IS, ONLY FOR THE FLIES.

FLIES, FLIES...

IS THAT ALL THERE'S EVER GONNA BE?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO SOMEWHERE,

AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, LET THE POOR MAN SLEEP?

GOD, WHY DO YOUSE

HAVE TO STICK YOUR NOSES IN HERE?

DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR HEAD ABOUT THEM, DA.

DON'T YOU BE BOTHERIN' YOUR HEAD AND WORRYIN'.

WANT TO LISTEN TO THE WIRELESS?

THEN THE WIRELESS IT IS.

Announcer: CUBA IS BEING TURNED

INTO A SOVIET NUCLEAR BASE.

DIRTY COMMUNISTS!

[CLICKS OFF]

WE'LL MAKE OUR OWN MUSIC, DA.

I SAW YOUR MOTHER, FRANCIE.

THEY'RE SAYING A PRAYER FOR US BOTH

DOWN AT THE ROCKS IN BUNDORAN.

Francie: THE BEST MUSIC MAN THAT EVER LIVED, MY DA.

[PLAYING OH, MY PAPA]

President Kennedy: WE WILL NOT PREMATURELY

OR UNNECESSARILY

RISK THE COURSE OF WORLDWIDE NUCLEAR WAR,

IN WHICH EVEN THE FRUITS OF VICTORY

WOULD BE ASHES IN OUR MOUTHS,

BUT NEITHER WILL WE SHRINK FROM THAT--

HELLO, LADIES.

DOING A BIT OF SHOPPING, FRANCIE?

AYE, THAT'S RIGHT, MRS. CANNING.

I'M IN CHARGE NOW.

YOUR DADDY HAS ENOUGH ON HIS PLATE.

YEAH, HE HAS, INDEED.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ALL THIS?

WILL THE WORLD COME TO AN END OR NOT?

THE THING IS, FRANCIE, YOU DON'T KNOW

THE TYPE OF PEOPLE YOU'RE DEALING WITH.

FATHER DOMINICK SAYS

THE THINGS HE'S SEEN THEM COMMUNISTS DO,

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.

OH, SURE, DON'T I KNOW THAT, MRS. CANNING.

IF THEY WANT TO PUSH THE BUTTON,

THEN PUSH IT THEY WILL.

THE LIKES OF YOU OR ME WON'T STOP THEM.

YOU CAN BE SURE OF THAT NOW, FRANCIE.

I GOT A HALF DOZEN OF EGGS,

A COUPLE SLICES OF HAM, AND A BAG OF TEA.

IT'LL BE A BITTER DAY FOR THIS TOWN

IF THE WORLD COMES TO AN END,

THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.

IF YOUSE ASK ME, IT'LL COME TO NO END,

FOR OUR LADY WON'T LET IT.

WOULDN'T I BE RIGHT THERE, FRANCIE?

YOU NEVER SPOKE A TRUER WORD, MRS. CANNING.

BUT BEST BE OFF. HAVE TO GET THE TEA ON.

TA-RA NOW. SEE YOUSE.

WHAT CHANCE DID HE EVER HAVE, THE POOR CREATURE?

Kennedy: AN ATTACK BY THE SOVIET UNION

ON THE UNITED STATES.

Francie: IF ONLY THE NUGENTS HADN'T COME TO TOWN.

IF ONLY THEY'D LEFT US ALONE.

THAT WAS ALL THEY HAD TO DO.

MUSIC?

JOE?

[OH, MY PAPA PLAYS]

THE TEA IS DONE.

I DON'T MIND PHIL GIVIN' HIM GOLDFISH,

AS GOD IS MY JUDGE,

BUT DON'T LET HIM START THINKIN'

THAT HE CAN GET IN WITH US THROUGH MUSIC!

THAT ISN'T THE WAY IT WORKS WITH BLOOD BROTHERS.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

YOU'D THINK THEY'D EVER

JUST LEAVE THE TWO OF US ALONE, EH, DA?

JUST LEAVE THE 2 OF US ALONE.

HELLO, FRANCIE.

HELLO, DR. BOYD.

YOUR FATHER WAS MEANT TO COME AND SEE ME

A WEEK AGO.

BE KIND OF IMPORTANT THAT I SEE HIM, FRANCIE.

HOW COULD YOU SEE HIM, DR. BOYD?

ISN'T HE GONE TO ENGLAND?

ENGLAND?

WHAT'S HE DOING IN ENGLAND?

GONE TO SEE UNCLE ALO.

WELL, HE MUST BE BETTER THAN I THOUGHT.

AYE. HE'S MADE OF STRONG STUFF, DR. BOYD.

WELL, WHEN HE COMES BACK,

TELL HIM I WANT TO SEE HIM.

MMM.

OH, YES, YOU WOULD HAVE TO COME ALONG

AND SPOIL IT, DR. BOYD, WOULDN'T YOU?

ASKING ALL YOUR QUESTIONS.

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG. YOU WON'T!

DON'T WORRY, DA.

I WON'T LET THEM NEAR US.

YOU SEE, I LOVE YOU, DA.

Francie: WHAT ELSE HAD CHANGED

SINCE I WAS LOOKIN' AFTER DA?

THE TOWN. IT WAS A GREAT BIG OCEAN LINER

THAT HAD BEEN LYING SUNK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN

AND NOW WAS RISING UP ALL LIT UP WITH THE LIGHTS

AND READY TO SAIL WHEREVER WE WANTED TO GO.

ANYWHERE YOU SAY, JOE.

YEP. YOU JUST GOT TO SAY, JOE, OLD BUDDY.

EXCEPT JOE WASN'T ON THE SHIP.

IT WOULD'VE BEEN GOOD IF HE WAS, BUT HE WASN'T,

SO THERE WAS NO USE THINKING ABOUT IT.

I SAY, BRADY, HAVE YOU A LOCK OF SHILLINGS?

ME AND YOU, BRADY?

WELL, HO, YOU BOY, YA.

UP SHE FLEW, AND THE COCK FLATTENED HER.

FLATTENED HER, BE CHRIST.

AYE, FOR THE DANCE.

I'M LOOKIN' FOR A HUSSY, AND I'M NOT VERY FUSSY.

ARE YOU COMIN' FOR A SLITHER ON THE BOARDS?

YOU DON'T BE LOOKIN'

AT THE MANTELPIECE WHEN YOU'RE POKIN' THE FIRE.

THE FUCKIN' MANTELPIECE, HE SAYS!

OH, MY DEAR, BE CRIPES! THAT MAN'S HIS FATHER'S SON!

2, PLEASE.

ME AND FRANCIE BRADY. THANKS VERY MUCH.

* ALWAYS THE SAME *

* THE SEA OF HEARTBREAK *

* LOST LOVE, LONELINESS *

* THE SEA OF-- THE SEA OF-- *

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?

NO, THANK YOU.

WELL, WHYN'T YOU BRING YOUR KNITTIN' THEN?

WHYN'T YOU BRING YOUR KNITTIN'?

BY GOD, BRADY.

* THE SEA OF HEARTBREAK *

* THE SEA OF LONELINESS *

WE'RE UP FROM THE BOGS IN OUR BOOTS AND OUR TOGS!

AND WE'LL FIX 'EM-- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

Francie: AND THEY WERE ALL OVER ME,

LIKE THE APACHES OVER JOHN WAYNE.

JOE, HELP, I SHOUT. CALL OUT THE POSSE!

GET THE CAVALRY!

WHO'S GOIN' TO GET ME OUT OF HERE

IF IT'S NOT JOE PURCELL?

BUT HE DIDN'T COME, DID HE?

Man: DON'T FUCKIN' WELL COME BACK!

UH!

Kennedy: THE COST OF FREEDOM IS ALWAYS HIGH,

BUT AMERICANS HAVE ALWAYS PAID IT.

AND ONE PATH WE SHALL NEVER CHOOSE,

AND THAT IS THE PATH OF SURRENDER, SUBMISSION.

OUR GOAL IS NOT THE VICTORY OF MIGHT,

BUT THE VINDICATION OF RIGHT.

NOT PEACE AT THE EXPENSE OF FREEDOM,

BUT BOTH PEACE AND FREEDOM

HERE IN THIS HEMISPHERE.

DID I EVER TELL YOU WHAT SHE TOLD ME, DA?

I WAS ONLY 5-POUND WEIGHT WHEN I WAS BORN.

CHEERS, MISSUS!

SO JOE DIDN'T WANT THE GOLDFISH?

AH, MISSUS, GOLDFISH ARE NOTHIN' TO DO

WITH ME AND JOE.

HOW MANY DID YOU GET HIM, FRANCIE?

A MILLION BILLION TRILLION.

OHH.

TOO MANY.

OH, MISSUS, ME EYES ARE GETTING SO HEAVY.

DON'T WORRY, FRANCIE. JOE IS COMING.

WHEN, MISSUS?

LITTLE FRANCIE.

WHEN DO YOU THINK?

HE'S AT THE WINDOW.

IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT, FRANCIE.

JOE IS HERE.

JOE!

OH, NO!

NO!

IT'S OK, SON. IT'S OK. IT'S OK.

I LET DA DOWN, SERGEANT.

I'M SORRY, FRANCIE.

I LET HIM DOWN.

AAH!

DA! DA!

EASY NOW, EASY.

DA! DA!

THAT'S THE BOY.

DA!

THAT'S THE BOY.

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* WHERE HAVE YOU GONE WITHOUT ME? *

* I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

THERE YOU ARE!

I WAS LOOKIN' FOR YOU.

JOE, IS THAT THE LAKE BEHIND YOU?

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS, THE RIO GRANDE?

JESUS!

* WHERE IS THE DREAM WE STARTED? *

* I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE PARTED *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

OH, NO! NOT THE COMMUNISTS!

I GOT A FUNNY FEELIN' ABOUT THIS, JOE.

YEP. SOMETHIN'S NOT RIGHT.

Dr. Boyd: YOUR FATHER WAS MEANT TO COME AND SEE ME

A WEEK AGO.

[JINGLES]

Mrs. Canning: THE THING IS, FRANCIE,

YOU DON'T KNOW THE TYPE OF PEOPLE YOU'RE DEALING WITH.

YOUR DADDY HAS ENOUGH ON HIS PLATE.

THIS THING IS BIGGER THAN THE BOTH OF US, JOE.

BETTER CALL IN THE FEDS.

Mary: IF THEY WANT TO PUSH THE BUTTON,

THEN PUSH IT THEY WILL.

SO WHO'S A PIG NOW, LADIES?

IT'LL BE A BITTER DAY FOR THIS TOWN

IF THE WORLD COMES TO AN END.

FATHER DOMINICK SAYS

THE THINGS HE'S SEEN THE COMMUNIST DO.

TIME TO RIDE OUT, I GUESS.

YEAH.

THIS OLD TOWN HAS HAD IT.

Francie: THANK GOD I HAD JOE.

ME AND JOE PURCELL,

THE LAST TWO IN THE UNIVERSE

ON THIS BITTER, BITTER DAY FOR THE LOVELY TOWN

WHEN THE WORLD HAD ENDED.

[WHINNIES]

OH, FRANCIS, YOU'VE UNLOCKED SOMETHING VERY PRECIOUS.

RUN!

AND YOU SAY THE ALIEN LOOKED LIKE...

WELL, A LITTLE LIKE YOURSELF, DOC,

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

THEN AGAIN, A LITTLE LIKE FATHER SULL.

MAYBE HE TOOK OVER AN ORDINARY PRIEST'S BODY.

I DON'T KNOW.

HMM.

MAYBE WE SHOULD GET OUT OF HERE, DOC,

BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

MMM.

WELL, WELL, WE MEET AGAIN. YOU'RE A LONG WAY

FROM THE LOW FIELD IN THE SCHOOL FOR PIGS.

WHAT WAS THAT, FRANCIS?

WHO DO YOU THINK, DOC?

OUR LADY ON THE WALL BEHIND YOU.

ME AND OUR LADY GO BACK A LONG WAY.

IT'S NOT EVERY SHITEHAWK SHE'LL APPEAR TO, YOU KNOW.

MMM.

WHAT DO YOU PLAN ON DOIN' NOW, DOC?

Francie: SO THIS WAS THE GARAGE?

ONE BLAST, AND I WAS AWAY OFF THROUGH HYPERSPACE!

HELLO THERE, EGYPTIANS, PYRAMIDS AND ALL!

PHARAOH CAN'T COME TODAY, SO IT'S ME INSTEAD,

FRANCIE FROM THE TERRACE.

AAH!

WHERE DO THEY BE TAKIN' YA?

CRIPES, MORE BOGMEN!

YOU NEEDN'T THINK YOU'RE NOT SEEN.

THEY TAKE ME TO THE TIME TRAVEL ROOM, OLD BEAN,

WHERE I TRAVEL THROUGH THE WASTES OF SPACE AND TIME

COURTESY OF ALGERNON CARRUTHERS!

I KNEW YOU WERE A COWERING CUR

THE MINUTE I SET EYES ON YOU.

BOGMEN, BOGMEN!

WILL SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM BOGMEN?

LOOKIE HERE!

THEY'RE GOING TO GIVE YOU THE TREATMENT.

THEY'LL SOON WIPE THAT GRIN OFF YOUR FACE

WHEN THEY PUT THEM HOLES IN YOUR HEAD.

WHAT HOLES?

I SEEN THE LAST FELLA.

HE USED TO STAND BY THE WINDOW ALL DAY

EATING BITS OF PAPER.

OFFICER, GET THIS BOGMAN OUT OF HERE!

YOU LIKE PAPER?

WELL, YOU BETTER START GETTIN' TO LIKE IT.

YOU BETTER LIKE IT!

AAH!

Francie: THE TREE TRUNKS HAD TO HAUL ME OFF HIM.

IT'S A DISGRACE A PERSON CAN'T GET

A BIT OF SLEEP HERE.

WITHOUT BEIN' ATTACKED BY BONY-ASS BOGMEN!

THAT BOGMAN BASTARD

SAYS YOU'RE GOING TO PUT HOLES IN MY HEAD.

NO, NO, FRANCIS. NOTHING LIKE THAT.

COME HERE. I WANT TO SHOW YOU THESE.

I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT THEM AND TELL ME

WHAT YOU THINK. YEAH?

LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL BE WRITIN' NO MORE MESSAGES

ON THIS PAPER, DOC.

AND WHY IS THAT, FRANCIS?

LOOK AT IT. IT'S DESTROYED!

Francie: LIFT YOUR SPECS AND REPEAT AFTER ME.

MMM.

MMM.

[SHOUTING]

INTO THE BACK OF THE NET WITH HER!

BY CHRIST, THIS YEAR'S TEAM IS THE BEST YET!

Francie: AND THAT'S THE GARAGE FOR YOU.

BOGMEN AT MASS,

THINKIN' THEY'RE AT A FOOTBALL MATCH.

AND THAT'S WHEN I SAYS WHATEVER IT TAKES,

FRANCIE BRADY'S GETTIN' OUT OF THE GARAGE FOR PIGS.

HERE, BOGMAN, HOLD THIS.

AND STOP SHAKIN', WILL YA?

THE THING ABOUT CAVAN PEOPLE

IS NOT ONE OF THEM WOULDN'T GIVE YOU

THE LAST HA'PENNY OUT OF THEIR POCKET.

BEST MEN EVER WALKED IN HERE

WERE THE CAVAN MEN.

HEY, BOGMAN.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BITE ME AGAIN, ARE YOU?

NO, NOT IF YOU TELL THEM

THAT I'VE GONE TO DUBLIN, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

YEAH. OK.

SEE YOU IN BORNEO.

Francie: HERE I WAS BACK HOME

AND NO MORE ABOUT HOLES IN THE HEAD,

WHEN I MET JIMMY THE SKITE...

YOU HAVE HALF A DOLLAR?

AND I THOUGHT I WAS BACK INSIDE AGAIN.

SORRY, WE'RE CLOSED.

YOU'RE WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

THE FRANCIE BRADY BANK IS CLOSED,

AND THAT'S ALL ABOUT IT.

GO ON BACK TO THE GARAGE, YOU FUCKIN' LUMP, YA.

BACK OFF, YOU FUCKIN' ROUND TUB OF GUINNESS!

[BELL TOLLS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[KNOCKING]

AH, HELLO, MR. PURCELL.

WELL, HELLO THERE, FRANCIE.

I WAS WONDERIN' IF JOE'S IN.

SURE, JOE'S AWAY IN BOARDIN' SCHOOL

IN BUNDORAN THESE LAST 3 MONTHS.

HIMSELF AND PHILLIP WENT AFTER THE EXAMS.

PHILLIP?

AYE. YOU KNOW THE YOUNG NUGENT FELLA

HE HANGS AROUND WITH.

SON, YOU SHOULDN'T BE ON YOUR OWN.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL, FRANCIE?

MR. PURCELL, I WISH YOU'D STOP ALL THIS.

I JUST WANT TO TALK TO JOE.

I TOLD YOU, FRANCIE. HE'S AWAY IN BUNDORAN.

I'M SORRY, MR. PURCELL, BUT I'M FED UP

WITH PEOPLE TELLIN' ME LIES!

HE USED TO NEVER DO THAT, MR. PURCELL.

ISN'T IT TRUE? ISN'T IT?

COME HERE, FRANCIE. I'M NOT TELLIN' YOU LIES.

HE NEVER WOULD'VE IN THE OLD DAYS.

IT'S ONLY FOR HER!

IT WAS FINE UNTIL SHE CAME ALONG

AND STARTED INTERFERING AND CAUSING TROUBLE!

FRANCIE, COME ON NOW. CALM DOWN.

I KNOW YOU DON'T MEAN TO BE LIKE THIS, MR. PURCELL.

ONLY FOR MRS. NUGENT, IT'D BE ALL OK.

ALL LIKE THE OLD DAYS WAY BACK LONG AGO,

LIKE THE WAY IT USED TO BE.

IT WAS ALL OK.

Francie: THAT OLD MRS. NUGENT,

SHE WAS TAKIN' OVER THE WHOLE TOWN BIT BY BIT.

EVERYTHING I'D EVER LIKED.

I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

I SAT DOWN IN THAT OLD KITCHEN

AND MADE A LIST

OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT WERE GONE ON ME NOW.

AH, FRANCIE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE,

THAT'S THE BEST ONE YET.

SURE, HOW COULD JOE BE GONE ON YOU?

AREN'T YOU BLOOD BROTHERS?

I'M AFRAID HE'S GONE, MISSUS.

THEY'RE ALL GONE.

FIRST MA,

THEN DA.

THEN ALO.

NOW JOE.

GONE WHERE?

BUNDORAN.

* BEAUTIFUL BUNDORAN *

* BY THE SILVERY SEA *

* YOUR GOLDEN STRAND *

* CHARMS SO GRAND *

YOU'VE GIVEN ME AN IDEA, MISSUS.

HELLO THERE!

JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE COMMUNISTS.

ANY NEWS?

TURN BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

COME 12:00 TOMORROW,

THERE WON'T BE A BULLOCK STANDIN'.

KHRUSHCHEV.

DID YOU SEE THEM ROCKETS ON THE NEWS?

FIT TO BLOW UP CHINA!

DO YOU THINK IT'LL BE SAFE IN BUNDORAN.

BUNDORAN?

WHERE THE FLEAS ATE THE MISSIONER?

AAH AAH AAH AAH!

CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?

YOU USED TO LEAVE THE KEY

UNDER THAT MAT THERE FOR THEM,

BENNY AND ANNIE BRADY.

THE LOVEBIRDS, YOU CALLED THEM.

OH, YES, WE HAD THEM ALL HERE.

Francie: OVER THE WAVES,

OVER THE WAVES, THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN.

I COULD STILL HEAR HIS MUSIC

PLAYIN' THROUGH THE DINING ROOM.

DA SAID THEY'D LIE ON THE BED UPSTAIRS

AND LISTEN TO THE SEA UNTIL IT GOT BRIGHT.

WE HAD MUSICAL EVENIN'S TO BEAT THE BAND.

LOVELY, LOVELY PEOPLE.

YOU ACQUIRE A REPUTATION, YOU SEE.

THERE THEY ARE! THERE THEY ARE, MISSUS!

OH.

THAT'S THEM.

THE BRADYS.

THE LOVEBIRDS, YOU CALLED THEM.

THE LOVEBIRDS, AYE.

YOU USED TO LEAVE THE KEY UNDER THE MAT FOR THEM.

YES, THE KEY. WELL,

SOME PEOPLE COME IN LATER THAN OTHERS, SON.

PLEASE, MISSUS, DON'T GO LIKE MRS. NUGENT ON ME.

MRS. NUGENT, WAS SHE WITH THEM?

MRS. NUGENT?

HA! THERE WAS NO MRS. NUGENTS IN THEM DAYS, MISSUS.

THEY WERE HERE WITH THE McGLONES.

TOO MANY PEOPLE, SON,

OVER THE YEARS.

SURE, WHAT WOULD I KNOW ABOUT A COUPLE LIKE THAT?

A COUPLE LIKE WHAT?

LOVELY PEOPLE. ALL OF THEM.

JUST TELL ME, MISSUS.

JUST TELL ME.

PLEASE, SON.

YOU WERE SAYING, MISSUS, THE COUPLE LIKE WHAT?

WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT A MAN

NOT SOBER ON THE DAY OF HIS HONEYMOON?

POOR CHARLIE McGLONE, HIS HOLIDAY RUINED,

CARTIN' HIM OUT OF PUBS.

AS FOR HER, WHAT COULD YOU DO

BUT PITY HER THE WAY HE TREATED HER?

NO BETTER THAN A PIG!

OH, GOD.

I'M SORRY, SON. I--

[DOOR SLAMS]

EXCUSE ME, JANE, EXCUSE ME, TARZAN.

I WANT TO WARN YOU, PLEASE.

I WANT TO SORT OUT THIS MATTER ONCE AND FOR ALL.

WHAT, YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT NOW, DO YOU?

YOU FUCKIN' BASTARDS! THERE!

YOU'RE A FUCKIN' SHITE!

AAH! AAH!

OOH! AAH!

WHO WANTS TO BE MR. AND MRS. MONKEY ANYHOW?

MA!

DA!

Francie: YES, INDEED, IT WAS THE END OF THE LINE.

EXCUSE ME, MOON. HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY

OR ARE YOU SAYIN' THE ROSARY, TOO?

YEP, JOE, IT'S THE END OF THE LINE.

FRANCIE'S COMIN' TO GET YOU OUT OF THIS.

IT'S EITHER THEM OR US, JOE.

HEY, WHAT THE HELL

YOU THINK YOUSE ARE DOIN' UP THERE,

PUTTIN' OUT THEM LIGHTS?

HOW AM I GOIN' TO FIND JOE PURCELL?

[THUD]

WHAT'S ALL THIS,

A HUNDRED SLEEPING BOGMEN?

NOT FOR LONG.

OK, BOGMEN, DON'T TRY ANY TRICKS,

AND NOBODY'LL GET HURT!

IF ANYBODY MOVES OUT OF THEIR SPERMY LITTLE BEDS,

I'LL BLOW THEIR FUCKIN' BOGMEN BRAINS OUT!

ALL RIGHT!

YOU SEE, I JUST GOT TO FIND JOE.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME, DON'T YA?

WHERE ARE YOU, JOE, BOY?

COME HERE, JOE! COME ON! LET'S SADDLE UP!

WE'LL RIDE OUT, JOE!

WE CAN RIDE OUT TO THE MOUNTAINS, EH, JOE?

WE CAN TRACK FOR DAYS!

WE CAN LISTEN TO THE COYOTES AT NIGHT.

AAAAAAAH!

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!

JESUS, NO NEED TO CURSE, FATHER.

I'M JUST LOOKING FOR JOE.

CAN YOU FIND HIM FOR ME, PLEASE?

[ALL TALKING]

SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU SPERMY LITTLE BASTARDS!

JOE!

FUCK!

EXCUSE ME. DO YOU MIND?

JOE, TELL THE SKY PILOT HERE TO STEP ASIDE,

AND WE'LL BE OUT OF HERE.

PURCELL!

COME HERE A MOMENT, WOULD YOU?

LIFE IS GOING SO GRAND NOW, HEY, JOE?

THE INTERROGATION. DON'T LET THEM BREAK YOU, JOE.

WILL YOU SHUT UP?

SORRY, FATHER.

PURCELL, DO YOU KNOW THIS PERSON?

OH, NO, FATHER, HOW WOULD HE KNOW ME?

YOU KNOW, I'M JUST HIS BEST FRIEND.

YES, FATHER.

HIS NAME IS FRANCIE BRADY.

SERGEANT FRANCIE BRADY, "B" COMPANY, SIR!

AND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT HE'S DOING HERE?

NO, FATHER.

Good trick, Joe. You keep him talking.

We'll make a run for it, OK?

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

OH, YES, FATHER. Brilliant, Joe.

WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME FOR?

ARE YOU DAFT OR SOMETHING? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME FOR?

Joe, don't give it too much.

He'll start believin' you.

Don't go overboard, Joe, boy.

LOOK, THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.

FOR THE LAST TIME, PURCELL,

IS THIS OR IS THIS NOT A FRIEND OF YOURS?

NO, FATHER.

JOE, PLEASE, JOE!

DON'T PRETEND ANYMORE! JUST TELL 'EM STRAIGHT!

JOE!

PLEASE, JOE!

STOP HIM!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT, NUGENT?

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LOOKING?!

IS THAT ALL YOU CAN DO, YOU WANKER--LOOK, LOOK, LOOK?!

Priest: GET BACK TO SLEEP!

JOE!

JOE!

BE ON YOUR WAY NOW.

THAT WASN'T JOE, FATHER.

THEN WHO WAS IT, THEN?

I KNOW IT LOOKED LIKE HIM,

BUT IT WASN'T.

GO HOME, SON, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

MAYBE THE COMMUNISTS TOOK HIM.

OR WAS IT THE NUGENTS?

MAYBE THE ALIENS.

ONE THING IS FOR SURE,

IT WASN'T HIM.

[MAN SINGS AVE MARIA]

HEY, BOY, WHERE YOU GOING WITH THEM SAINTS?

IF THE PRIEST SEES YOU, YOU'LL GET IT.

YOUNG TRAYNOR SEEN THE BLESSED VIRGIN.

SHE'S COMING WITH A MESSAGE

TO DO WITH THE END OF THE WORLD.

DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD.

I'D BEST TEAR ON, FRANCIE.

WE'VE MORE TO DO THAN DRINK WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE.

THERE'S PRAYIN' TO BE DONE.

Francie: IF ONLY THEY KNEW,

STRAINING THEIR NECKS LIKE CHICKENS

TO SEE WAS SHE COMING.

MIGHT AS WELL BE WAITIN' FOR THE ALIENS TO ARRIVE.

AND MY GOD-- THEY'RE HERE,

TAKING OVER THE BODY OF MRS. NUGENT,

THE GREATEST ALIEN OF ALL TIME, I DO BELIEVE.

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

MESELF AND DR. BOYD WERE LOOKIN' EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.

ON MY TRAVELS, MR. LEDDY.

OH, YOU AND YOUR TRAVELS.

THE HOSPITAL RANG LOOKING FOR YOU.

LOOK, I'M DESPERATE TO FINISH HERE.

WANT TO GO HOME, GET READY FOR OUR LADY.

YOU GO WATCH THE END OF THE WORLD,

SURE, MR. LEDDY.

I'LL LOOK AFTER THINGS HERE.

FAIR PLAY TO YA, SON.

IT'S THE LEAST I COULD DO NOW.

GOOD LUCK NOW.

* THE QUEEN OF HEAVEN *

* THE OCEAN STAR... *

SHE TOLD YOUNG TRAYNOR

SHE'D BE HERE ON THE DOT OF 6:00.

THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

P.A.: HELLO. HELLO. TESTING. TESTING. HELLO.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, PIGS?

WILL OUR LADY COME OR NO?

SHE SAID NOTHING TO ME ABOUT IT.

DID SHE SAY ANYTHING TO YOU?

WHAT? WHAT?

OH, SO SHE MUSTN'T BE COMING THEN.

WELL, IT BEATS THE HELL OUT OF ME

WHY THEM IDIOTS IS UP THERE PRAYING.

NOW WE'RE RIGHT, MISSUS.

Francie: THEN OFF I WENT ON ME TRAVELS.

EVERYBODY WAS ALL HOLY NOW.

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, PEOPLE OF THE TOWN,

BOGMEN TAKING OFF THEIR CAPS,

THE WOMEN LOOKING AT THE PRAMS AND EVERYTHING.

THIS IS THE HOLIEST TOWN IN THE WORLD.

THEY SHOULD'VE PUT THAT UP ON A BANNER.

NEVER SAW THE TOWN LOOKIN' SO WELL,

AND IT LOOKED LIKE THE BRIGHTEST, HAPPIEST TOWN

IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

...AT THE HOUR OF OUR DEATH. AMEN.

HAIL, MARY, FULL OF GRACE.

THE LORD IS WITH...

AAH.

IT'S ME, MRS. NUGENT.

MY GOD!

DON'T WORRY, MRS. NUGENT.

YOU WON. JOE'S GONE.

ONE LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE MARKET.

ONE LITTLE PIGGY STAYED AT HOME.

ONE LITTLE PIGGY HAD BREAD AND BEEF.

ONE LITTLE PIGGY GOT NONE.

NO SIGN OF HER YET, LADIES?

I'M SURE SHE HAS A LOT ON HER PLATE, FRANCIE,

WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE IN THE WORLD.

PLEASE GOD, SHE WON'T BE LONG NOW.

AS THE MONKEY SAID WHEN HE GOT HIS TAIL CUT OFF.

AFTER ALL ME PRAYING,

SHE DIDN'T BOTHER HER ARSE COMIN'.

HAVE YOU THE MONEY FOR A DRINK, LAD?

I HAVE ME HANDS FULL HERE.

FUCK OFF, YOU AND HER!

THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE FOR ALIENS,

AND THAT'S UNDERNEATH THE ROTTEN CABBAGES

IN THE BROCK HEAP.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

OH, GOD!

OH, GOD! OH, GOD!

HAVE YOU SEEN HER, MRS. COYLE?

YOU'VE SEEN OUR LADY?

OH, SO YOUNG TRAYNOR GOT IT WRONG.

THE SQUARE, HOW ARE YA?

Man: OUR LADY, I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T LET US DOWN.

[WOMAN CRIES]

Francie: WELL, OUR LADY MIGHTN'T HAVE SHOWN UP,

BUT FRANCIE BRADY DIDN'T LET THEM DOWN.

THAT WAS THE BEST SHOW THAT OLD TOWN HAD EVER SEEN.

Man: EVERYBODY BACK.

EXCUSE ME IF YOUSE DON'T MIND.

YOU DID IT! YOU FUCKIN', FUCKIN'--

JESUS CHRIST!

I HOPE YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THE FURNITURE.

SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH!

SERGEANT, THERE'S NO NEED FOR THAT LANGUAGE!

JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH.

WILL YOU TELL US WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH HER?

WHO?

JESUS CHRIST! WILL YOU STOP THIS?

THIS IS DOING NOBODY ANY GOOD.

WILL YOU, SON, PLEASE?

SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS, SERGEANT.

YOU THINK THEY'LL HANG ME?

I'M AFRAID THERE'S NO MORE HANGING.

SERGEANT, WHAT'S THIS WORLD COMING TO?

[MACK THE KNIFE INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A CHOPPER-UP, TOO, FRANCIE.

YOU KNOW MARY'S SHOP?

WILL YOUSE DO ME A MESSAGE?

SURE, BUT ONLY IF YOU SAY

NO MORE CHOPPING UP.

MRS. NUGENT AND MY MA

WERE GOOD FRIENDS, YOU KNOW.

OK, THEN. CHOPPIN' UP THE END.

COMMANDOS, PLEASE.

BANZAI, YOU YELLOW SONS OF NIPPON DOGS.

YEAH!

WE'RE ALL GATHERED HERE TO PRAY FOR THE REDEMPTION

OF FRANCIS BRADY FOR HIS TERRIBLE CRIME.

YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING, FRANCIE.

THANK GOD.

THAT'S ENOUGH TALK. LET'S GET IT OVER WITH.

SHE'S RIGHT DOWN HERE.

KEEP GOIN'.

FOR GOD'S SAKE. WHO PUT THAT THERE?

WHAT?

THIS. OH, GOD!

COME!

OK. I'LL GET HIM.

FRANCIE BRADY ESCAPES. READ ALL ABOUT IT.

COME BACK HERE!

COME HERE!

FUGITIVE FRANCIE BRADY STILL AT LARGE.

THERE'S A REPORT THAT RICHARD KIMBLE

ONLY LAST NIGHT SAID,

"I HAVE TO ADMIT IT.

FRANCIE BRADY BEATS ME HANDS DOWN."

Boy: WHAT DO YOU SEE? WHAT DO YOU SEE?

NOTHING.

COME ON, THERE MUST BE SOME CLUES IN THERE.

NO. NOTHING.

CALL YOURSELF A DETECTIVE, HUH?

HEY, BOYS.

YOUSE WANT TO FIND

A MILLION BILLION FLASH BARS, YEAH?

THEY'RE LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.

DO YOU WANT THEM OR DON'T YOU?

I SUPPOSE SO. WHERE ARE THEY, THEN?

IN A DUNG HEAP BEHIND LEDDY'S.

HOUSE, YOU ARE A DISGRACE!

I HAVE SO MUCH TIDYING UP TO DO,

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

[WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE PLAYS]

HOW MANY DID HE SAY?

I FORGET.

I KNOW IT WAS A LOT, THOUGH.

AND NOW FOR THE MOST AMAZING FRANCIE BRADY BONFIRE...

OF ALL TIME.

HEIGH-HO, SILVER!

AWAY!

THAT'S MRS. NUGENT'S HEAD!

SO THAT'S WHERE SHE WENT.

YAAAAA!

WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE FLASH BARS?

[BELL CLANGS]

THERE'S SOMEBODY IN THERE!

STAY BACK!

COME ON. COME ON. HANG ON. HANG ON.

MOVE BACK! MOVE BACK! CLEAR THE WAY!

CLEAR THE WAY! WE FOUND FRANCIE BRADY!

CLEAR THE WAY.

YOUSE AREN'T BURNED, ARE YOUSE?

IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR YOU.

AND YOU WENT IN TO SAVE THE WEE FELLA BY YOURSELF?

ACTUALLY, YOU WOULD'VE DONE THE VERY SAME.

I WOULD'VE NOT.

I WOULD'VE BEEN SCARED OUT OF ME LIFE.

JESUS, FRANCIE,

I THINK YOU DESERVE A DRAG OF THE CIGARETTE.

OH, SURE. THANKS.

OR MAYBE YOU'D LIKE SOME MORE SWEETS.

HUH?

YEAH, SURE.

Francie: WELL, THAT WAS ALL A LONG, LONG TIME AGO.

AH, SURE, YOU'RE A GRAND OL' TOPPER.

THEY PUT FRANCIE BRADY IN THE GARAGE FOR BAD BASTARDS

AND GAVE HIM A NEW JOB MAKING BASKETS.

AND AFTER HE MADE A MILLION TRILLION BASKETS,

THEY SAID THEY'D LET HIM OUT AGAIN.

YOU'RE GOING BACK INTO THE WORLD, FRANCIE.

WE THINK YOU'RE READY FOR IT.

YOU'LL BE IN WHAT WE CALL A HALFWAY HOUSE,

BETWEEN THIS ONE AND THE NEXT ONE.

THE NEXT WORLD, DOC?

THE REAL WORLD, FRANCIE.

IT'S TIME YOU JOINED IT.

IT'LL TAKE SOME ADJUSTMENT.

BUT AS LONG AS WE ANTICIPATE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS,

THEN EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FINE.

I HAVEN'T SEEN FIELDS FOR SO LONG, DOC.

Francie: MAN, BUT IT WAS SURE GOOD

OUTSIDE THAT OLD GARAGE.

THE SHEEP WERE MUNCHING AWAY AT THE GRASS,

THE BREEZE WAS BLOWING,

AND THE SEA WAS SINGING SWISH, SWISH ALONG WITH IT.

FRANCIE BRADY HAD GOT

THE "NOT A BAD BASTARD ANYMORE" AWARD AT LAST.

AND HE WISHES FATHER BUBBLES

COULD SEE HIM NOW.

NO MORE ALIENS OR CHOPPING UP

OR ANY OF THAT OLD SHITE.

AND IF ANYONE THOUGHT FRANCIE BRADY

WAS GETTIN' IN TROUBLE AGAIN, THEY WERE WRONG.

TROUBLE. NO, THANK YOU.

SO THERE IT IS,

FRANCIE BRADY, BUTCHER BOY, THE END.

OH, FUCK! OH, MOTHER OF JESUS.

HELLO, STRANGER.

HOW ARE YOU, FRANCIE?

HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR A POWER OF YEARS.

IT'S NOT THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU, FRANCIE.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN', MISSUS...

STILL TALKING TO THE LIKES OF ME?

GOD LOVES EVERY ONE OF US, FRANCIE.

BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING, FRANCIE?

HE HAS A VERY SPECIAL PLACE IN HIS HEART FOR YOU.

AH, NOW, MISSUS. YOU'LL HAVE TO STOP

THIS APPEARING AND DISAPPEARING CRACK,

OR THEY'LL PUT ME BACK IN THERE.

JOE LOVES YOU, TOO, FRANCIE.

BUT THE WORLD GOES ONE WAY,

AND WE GO ANOTHER.

DO YOU GET MY MEANING?

SO DON'T GO BOTHERING YOUR HEAD

ABOUT GOLDFISH ANYMORE, ALL RIGHT?

OR A HUNDRED MILLION FLASH BARS.

PROMISE ME, FRANCIE?

TELL ME SOMETHING, MISSUS.

ARE ALL THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS GONE?

OH, NO, FRANCIE. THEY'RE ALL STILL HERE.

LOOK. HERE'S ONE OF THEM.

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* WHERE HAVE YOU GONE WITHOUT ME? *

* I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME *

PICKED A FLOWER, DID YOU, FRANCIE?

SNOWDROP.

* WHERE *

THEY'RE LATE THIS YEAR.

* ARE YOU? *

* WHERE'S MY HEART? *

* WHERE IS THE DREAM WE STARTED? *

* I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE PARTED *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* WHEN WE SAID GOOD-BYE, LOVE *

* WHAT HAD WE TO GAIN? *

* WHEN I GAVE YOU MY LOVE *

* WAS IT ALL IN VAIN? *

* ALL LIFE THROUGH *

* MUST I GO ON PRETENDING? *

* WHERE IS MY HAPPY ENDING? *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* WHEN WE SAID GOOD-BYE, LOVE *

* WHAT HAD WE TO GAIN? *

* WHEN I GAVE YOU MY LOVE *

* WAS IT ALL IN VAIN? *

* ALL LIFE THROUGH *

* MUST I GO ON PRETENDING? *

* WHERE IS THAT HAPPY ENDING? *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.