Original subtitles

(tranquil music)

(grunting)

(warbling)

I know what you're wondering.

"What do the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. do when they're not saving the world?"

(grunting)

Don't rush, Rick. Read the rock.

Take a moment and plan your route.

Yeah, yeah. Will you hurry up? They're gaining on us.

This is a training exercise, not a race.

(grunting)

(bird shrieking)

(panting)

-(grunting) -Hey. I'm climbing here.

-Skaar: Bye-bye. -Red Hulk: Make a hole, people.

See ya at the top.

Ain't a race, remember?

Take it from a real soldier. You want to make a man...

push him. To the limit. Then ya push him more.

If he doesn't break, he's got a shot.

Okay, it's on.

(laughing) Oh, yeah.

A-Bomb: Don't wanna rub it in your face, but I kinda did it. Getting away!

-(growling) -She-Hulk: In your face.

Took me a long time to learn my strengths and weaknesses.

Better if Rick learns his in training,

not in the field.

(sighing) Hulk's worse than my mom.

I mean, Skaar's the same age as me.

I-I think.

And Green doesn't treat him like a little baby.

(panting)

(grunting)

Rick, watch it!

(grunting)

(rumbling)

(yelling)

Rick!

I got it.

(growling)

Gonna change his diaper too?

Kid would have survived the fall.

Probably.

Not the point, Red.

Red Hulk: Yeah, the point is to show 'em how it's done.

Heads up!

-(Hulk Growling) -She-Hulk: Ah! Cheater!

(grunting)

Hoorah! King of the Mountain!

Hope you were paying attention, Jones.

-(rumbling) -Huh!

Whoa-whoa!

Is this part of the test?

-(rumbling) -(splashing)

Uh-oh.

(Red Hulk screaming)

(breathing heavily)

(theme music)

(growling)

(rumbling)

Jump!

(grunting)

(groans)

-Yeah! -(whirring)

(rumbling)

Huh?

-(thuds) -Oh!

Chillax, bro.

It'll take more than an avalanche to hurt The Bomb.

(grunts)

She-Hulk: This volcano is supposed to be dormant.

It's not due to erupt for another million years.

Where's shouty man?

-Red was on top when it blew. -(whooshing)

She-Hulk: Look, that rock's headed for Vista Verde.

I got it.

(rumbles)

Found Red.

(rumbling)

Skaar, go help him stop the fireballs.

Skaar slash!

I'm gonna go help too.

No, you're with me and Jen.

We gotta divert that lava flow.

(groans)

(tense music)

(people screaming)

That's one jerkwater town saved.

You're welcome!

(Skaar yelling)

(grunting)

Good dog.

(all grunting)

Hulk: It's working. Keep going.

-(grunting) -(rumbling)

I'm on it.

(grunting)

Heavier than it looks.

Watch out!

A-Bomb: Hey, what are you doing?

-(grunting) -(rumbles)

(lava sizzling)

Hulk: Magma contained. Nice work, smashers.

-Why did you pull me out? -I was saving your scaly butt.

You were about to take a lava bath.

So what? My armor's tougher than you think.

Not a good time to test it.

There's never a good time. Not with you.

(laughing) Kid's got a point.

Someone's gotta show him the ropes, let him make his own mistakes.

Rick's a teenage kid learning to be a hero, not a soldier.

Red's ideas about basic training are only gonna get him into trouble.

(ominous music)

(beeping)

She-Hulk: Looks like our backyard barbecue wasn't an isolated incident.

Hulk: Lots of eruptions. Coming from here. Antarctica.

The South Pole?

Nothing down there but a bunch of... ice and penguins.

All sorts of stuff to hurt me there.

(Hulk growls)

Don't joke, rookie.

South Pole is also home...

to the savage land.

We better check it out

before the planet turns itself inside out.

A-Bomb: So... what is the savage land?

It's an isolated tropical region hidden deep within Antarctica.

And full of dinosaurs.

Ooh. (giggles)

Dinosaurs? Real dinosaurs?

I love dinosaurs.

Scales, fangs, claws, they're my peeps.

Check me out, I'm a t-Rex.

(screeching)

I can't quite reach you with my tiny arms.

(whooshing)

(suspenseful music)

A-Bomb: This is the coolest field trip ever.

Are we there yet?

(gasping) A dinosaur! Dinosaur!

(screeching)

-(screeching) -(zapping)

(alarm beeping)

Oh, my gosh. Dinosaurs with lasers.

How cool is that?

Why do you think they call it "The Savage Land", kid?

I can't shake them.

Don't worry. We're packing too.

So? Let 'em have it already.

-(beeps) -(whirring)

-(grunts) -(rapid gunfire)

More coming in from above.

Hulk: I see 'em!

(rapid gunfire)

A-Bomb: Oh, who is that?

Sauron. Half man, half dinosaur.

Has some kind of mind-control power.

Can drain your energy by touch.

(sighing) He probably wants to rule the earth.

Come, my brothers.

Let us show them why dinosaurs are meant to rule the earth.

Hulk: Yep. What'd I tell you?

Bet they want to eat us too.

Well, they can choke on this.

Come on, A-Bomb.

Someone's gotta teach you how to take care of yourself.

So, big brother here won't have to keep wiping your nose.

(A-Bomb scoffs) 'Bout time.

Pure and simple,

I'm the only one qualified to train the kid.

Plus, I love that it annoys Greenie.

You know, we've never been buds, but Red's actually being really cool to me.

It sure beats arguing all the time.

-(screeching) -(zapping)

You keep those things off our back and I'll land us in one piece.

-(thuds) -(squeaks)

I hope this thing has wipers.

Merry Christmas. Time you learn how to handle a flying lizard.

The gamma taser?

-A-Are you sure? -Let's make 'em extinct again!

-(whirring) -(zapping)

Don't be shy, kid.

It's not about quality of shots.

It's about quantity.

I can't believe I'm zapping dinosaurs.

Yeah! Come get some!

-(laughing and yelling) -(zapping)

Ah! Give me your strength, my brother.

(screeching)

(hissing)

(A-Bomb laughing)

-Hulk: Watch it! -A-Bomb: Uh! Sorry.

Red, you know Rick hasn't been trained on this weapon.

It's on-the-job training.

He's never gonna learn from you, nurse Nancy.

-(zapping) -(squawking)

-(clanks) -Ah!

(yelling)

Rick!

(A-Bomb screaming)

(tense music)

Oh, no.

(grunting)

This was all your fault.

My fault? He's the one who fell off.

(whooshing)

'Bout time you put on your gamma blaster.

-(screeching) -(zapping)

(both yelling)

(grunting) What are those chuckleheads doing?

(gunshots)

(yelling)

(zaps)

(screaming)

(dinosaurs screeching)

-(zaps) -(both grunt)

We survived extinction.

You will not, beast.

Man's time on this planet is at an end.

Not on my watch, needle nose.

-(grunts) -(crackling)

Huh?

(hissing)

-(grunts) -(clanks)

(whooshing)

The jungle will soften them up for us.

Now come. We have work to do.

(screeching)

Jen, we lost Rick. Have you seen Red?

-Can we discuss this later? -(alarm beeping)

Like, after the crash?

(whooshing)

(alarm beeping)

(rumbling)

-(whirring) -And we're here.

Red, so, uh...

how are we gonna find the others?

We'll rendezvous at the objective.

-But where's that? -Red Hulk: Over there, Einstein.

(distant rumbling)

A-Bomb: Oh, of course. The giant super volcano.

Maybe we should go around?

Lesson one, "face front".

Always meet danger head on.

-(zaps) -(screeches)

Stick with me, kid, and you'll be giving old Greenie lessons.

You know, maybe Red's not such a big old jerk after all.

(dinosaur roaring)

Hulk: That's, what, the third jump jet we've crashed this month?

Good news is, I think I can get it flying again.

Just need to realign the turbine thrust vectors.

Give me an hour.

No, if we go airborne, Sauron will know we're coming.

First order of business, find A-Bomb and Red.

Over-protective much?

They can take care of themselves.

-Even Rick. -What are you talking about?

I'm not over-protective.

Not over-protective? Ha!

My cuz wouldn't even let me fight Batroc The Leaper

when I first became a Hulk.

(chuckling) Rick, I feel ya, dude.

Point is, Rick became A-Bomb because of me.

I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did.

-(screeches) -(thumps)

(distant thud)

He won't.

He'll make his own mistakes. That's how you learn.

You gotta let Rick be Rick.

(grunts)

(rumbling approaches)

-(dinosaurs growling) -What would scare them ?

Think we found the source of our problem.

You two scout that volcano, find out what Sauron's up to.

I'll find the others.

There's no telling what kind of trouble Red's gotten them into.

-(dinosaur roaring) -A-Bomb: Awesome.

-Lesson two: -(weapon cocks)

"Smash first, ask questions later."

(roaring)

Well, I'll be a monkey's red butt.

(thumping)

(Sauron hissing)

Obey me, you beast.

(high-pitched whirring)

Destroy them.

(roaring)

(gunshots)

Skaar: What lizard people doing?

Whoa...

Nothing good. That's for sure.

-(growling) -(clanking)

She-Hulk: They actually built a doomsday machine.

Hello, doomsday machine.

Since when did dinosaurs get so smart?

(sighing) Well, we're here.

Might as well save the world.

Skaar, slash drill. Got it?

-I'll cover you. -Skaar slash!

-She-Hulk: And we're off. -(yelling)

(grunts)

(horn booming)

(dinosaurs screeching)

-(yells) -(crackling)

(zapping)

-(laughing) -(gunshots)

(groaning)

(horn booming)

My drill. In danger.

Finish them!

(whimpering)

(panting)

-(gasps) -Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow!

(gulps)

Hulk: No!

(belches)

(dinosaur roaring)

Hulk: Hang on, Rick. I'll get you out of there.

Red Hulk: Fat chance.

(roaring)

(grunting)

Red Hulk: That's how you do it.

I leave you alone for two seconds and you get Rick swallowed by a dinosaur?

So, let's perform a little A-Bomb-ectomy.

-(chuckles) -(roaring)

Got a better idea.

(growling)

(Hulk grunting)

(thumping)

(Hulk grunting)

Whoa! Whoa, easy, big fella.

-Calm down. Calm down. -(low growl)

Hulk: That's a good boy.

(warbling)

(belches)

-(groans) -(squelches)

(sighing) Lesson three: "no more lessons from Red".

(squelches)

Dinosaur trying to eat me again.

Aah!

Relax. He's our friend now.

He's free of Sauron's mind control.

Aw. He's a cute little devil, isn't he?

-Who's a devil dinosaur? That's you. -(growls)

A-Bomb: Spikes and horns and roar. I love devil dinosaur.

(chuckling) Yeah, you are.

I told Hulk my armor's tough.

I just rolled up into a ball so devil couldn't digest me.

(rumbling)

Play time's over. Let's move.

(zapping)

-(grunting) -(clangs)

(both growling)

(dinosaurs screeching)

(distant thud)

Which one stop drill?

Halt, beast man.

(high-pitched whirring)

Sauron: My thrall savage.

(hissing)

(groaning)

Skaar?

-What are you... -(thuds)

Give me your strength.

-(groaning) -(crackling)

(whimpering)

(both groaning)

Yes!

The global cataclysm is at hand!

Earthquake and fire will destroy human civilization!

-Dinosaurs... -Are history. And so are you.

-(grunting) -I'll take Sauron.

-You guys take the drill. -Oh, no. I'll take the drill.

You take Sauron.

-(groans) -I'm on it, Green.

(whirring)

-(yelling) -(rumbling)

(growling)

(rumbling)

(groaning)

(dinosaur roaring)

(thuds)

Traitor!

You would defend those who would destroy us?

-(crackling) -(rumbling)

Gotta put the brakes on this drill, Jones.

-Hey, wait up. -(both grunting)

Sauron: The final plate is about to fracture.

The end of your world is at hand.

(laughing)

(Hulk Roars)

-(whirring) -(groaning)

-Sauron: Such power. -(crackling)

I have never felt anything its equal.

(groaning)

-(roaring) -(rumbling)

-Red, you gonna stop this thing, or what? -(groaning)

Working on it.

Let's see.

If I was a reverse lever, which one would I be?

Eenie, meenie, miney, moe!

(cranks)

(cranking rapidly)

Ooh, I'm good.

Stop them!

-(zaps) -(groans)

No!

(A-Bomb roaring)

(zapping)

Red!

(rumbling)

(groaning)

Hang on, Red. Time to put my armor to the test.

(whirring)

(A-Bomb groaning)

My drill!

-(thumps -thuds)

(growling)

(babbling)

(whooshing)

(wheezing) No. All my power.

Burned away.

You're done.

Well done.

(gasping)

-My brothers. I've lost control of them. -(screeching)

And they've come for me.

Sauron: You'll pay for this, Hulk!

Hulk: That's one pterodactyl turning chicken.

(scoffs)

-(rumbling) -(fire bellowing)

(rumbling continues)

Rick?

Rick!

-(rumbles) -(grunts)

He... didn't make it.

No.

Ah, I was just messing with ya. (laughs)

(groans)

Yeah, I figured, you little punk.

Let's get out of here.

(rumbling)

You did okay, kid.

For a rookie.

All thanks to my training, of course.

What training was that?

No, no, no. To be fair, I did face the danger head-on,

but only after I took a moment to think things through.

-Best of both worlds. -You did good today, Rick.

Oh, yeah!

Who's a full-fledged, card-carrying Agent of S.M.A.S.H.?

That would be moi. Da bomb.

That's my name. The A-Bomb.

I said you did good today.

There's still tomorrow. Training center. Ten minutes.

Aw...

-(roaring) -(rumbling)

Why did we bring that thing back?

We already have a dog.

(slurping)

Huh?

Hey, A-Bomb. Your next training mission

will be to train "Red Rover" to go to the bathroom outside.

He just left souvenirs from the savage land

all over Red's bunk.

(growling)

I realize I gotta let Rick be Rick.

He needs a chance to spread his wings before he can fly.

She-Hulk: That's what I've been saying.

Just... You mind?

I'm trying to have a private moment here.

Sheesh.

- Hulk out. -(static)

(closing theme music)