All language subtitles for Not.Suitable.For.Children.2012.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

- Two minutes!

Two minutes, everyone!

- No, I'm pretty sure it's like an online,

direct debit kind of thing.

Or wait...

Hang on, is that the gas?

- You have lived here your entire life.

- I think it's just the gas.

- Uh, disconnection notice.

"This is your third and final notice.

Due to outstanding amounts

totalling..."

Jonah!

Hey, maybe I could sing?

No, I'm serious.

- Gussie, hey, it's cool.

Everyone's here.

They're having a good time.

Everyone's happy.

Hey, Cantzi!

You happy?

- Nah, I've cut myself
and I can't tell where.

- He's happy, see?

- No, Jonah, I can't see,

because it's dark.

- OK, come here, guys.

We're just three friends,
huddled together.

- Someone needs to make the announcement

the party's over.

- OK, um, Silvio.

- He hates us.

- He loves me.

- Whatever you do, Jonah,

just don't hug him.

It's just really inappropriate.

Oh!

- Grab a drink, everyone!

There's plenty in the kegs!

Take some chill time.

Forget
to pay the bill, mate?

- We're on, we're on, we're on!

- Is that my computer power board?

Have you been in my room?

- Hi. Sir, thank you so much.

I really hope Jonah conveyed

how much we appreciate this.

- 500.

- Sorry?

- Jonah said 500 cash
and a bottle of vodka.

Hey, can you hear me?

OK, so...

- Hey, hey, hey, Gus!

- $500?

- Yeah!

- No.

- We got that!

- No.

- Mate, there's like a million
people out there.

- There's, like, 150.

Half of them haven't paid yet.

- Everyone, need a favour!

We gotta get the juice back on.

So if you've got any money, just

hold it up.

We need cash.

- You still owe me 20 bucks, fuckwit!

- We're gonna get this party started.

Gonna get it started, Gussie.

Gussie!

Gussie!

Whoo!

Alright, on behalf of Stevie,

Gus, and myself,

big massive thanks to
Silvio, our neighbour.

- Silvio!

- Alright, let's take it
through till lunchtime!

And then let's do it again next week!

Yes, yes!

That's right, right here, here again,

this time, this place, next friday!

- What?

I Every woman

I And every man

I Hit me with your rhythm stick

I Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me

I Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me

- Come on! Come on.

Oh, sorry!

Let's put some music on.

- Let's...

Come here.

- Hey.
- Mmm.

You alright?

- You've got something here.

It's kinda hard.

Like a lump sort of thing.

Feels a bit like a frozen pea.

But not as cold.

- A lump?

Just a little pressure now.

Just the left aspect there.

I'm afraid it's a bit of

bad news today, Jonah.

You have testicular cancer.

I know it sounds a bit nasty.

Testicular cancer is,
in a manner of thinking,

the best kind of cancer to get.

The treatment is incredibly effective.

I'd have every expectation that you

would make a complete recovery.

Do you understand?

It's a relatively simple procedure

to remove the testicle.

- Remove the testicle?

- Aye.

- Permanently?

- Aye, we have to permanently

remove the left testicle.

I was hoping to book the theatre

for Wednesday week.

Then you'll undergo further treatment to

ensure there's absolutely no spread--

- Um, will it...

Will I lose my hair?

- Not in this case, no.

The side effects are relatively mild.

- Will I still be able to have sex?

- Aye, it might take
a couple of weeks, but

you will regain full sexual function.

With one exception.

The treatment will, unfortunately,

render you infertile.

- As in...

- As in unable to father children

in the natural way.

Thankfully, modern science offers

us a fantastic alternative.

- Please take care to contain the

first spurt of the ejaculate.

And, oh, please don't use any of

the hand soap until afterwards.

Some men try it for lubrication.

Any questions?

We lost the
deposit on the speakers.

I tried to tell them that they

just went fuzzy after a while.

But then he tipped them on their side

and lukewarm beer spilled out.

Why haven't you taken back the lights?

What?

- Jonah's got cancer.

- Gus.

It's nothing.

- Cancer?

- No, I mean, not bad cancer.

It's gonna be fine.

- What kind of cancer?

- Testicular.

- Oh, fucking hell, Gus.

It's actually...

It's easy to fix.

They just gotta take out the ball.

One day in hospital.

And then there's this other

treatment.

- Chemo?

- But it's not like where you go

green and get sick and stuff.

The doc said people go right back to work,

so I'll still be able to do things.

- What do they do with the ball?

Do you get to see it afterwards?

- I dunno, Gus.

- OK.

- Um, have you spoken to your sister?

- Fuck, no, I will.

Guess I should...

I should probably tell Ava too, huh?

- Oh, are you guys speaking again?

- Yeah. I mean...

Well, we did say six months of--

- No contact.

- Yeah.

But... she would wanna know this.

- Well, we better cancel next Friday.

Do you wanna send out a group email or--

- What?

No, we're not gonna cancel,

it's a couple of days away.

I don't wanna have to explain.

We can't stop now.

We've got some real momentum.

You know, we don't want to lose it.

- We'd draw attention if we cancelled.

- Right.

Hi, this is Ava.

I'm not around, so please
leave a message after the beep.

Thank you.

- Eight till 11 is DJ Sanz.

Also I promised Azzi his cousin

could do some drumming.

If he's shit, I can totally

take him off, though.

OK, well,
apart from anything else,

I don't think this house is physically

gonna handle another party.

The house is fine.

Yeah, it's Jonah's house anyway, so--
Ah, OK, this is stuck.

- Well, maybe try pulling it.

- I am pulling it.

- Hello?
- Please come up and help

Hi, it's Natalie
Gibbs here from andrology.

- Sorry?

The sperm bank.

It was, in many respects,

quite a strong sample.

Your sperm count was optimal,

which was impressive, given

the testicle situation.

Sperm velocity, also strong...

- Sorry.

Hello?

Yep, I'm at the bottle shop.

Mm-hm, yeah, I'm looking at it.

Yes, I'm writing it down.

OK, OK!

- OK, the problem we encountered

was with the freezing process.

- The freezing?

- We conduct a thaw test on every sample,

just to see if the sperm has coped

with the freeze procedure.

We do this because in some cases,

the sperm reacts badly with

the cryo-preservatives and...

Well, it doesn't survive.

- So, what?

Mine...

- Well, your sample
fell into that category.

- It died?

- It happens, with a
small percentage of men.

- What, just some of it or...?

Can I take a second shot?

- Regretfully, on the
basis of these results,

it would appear that
sperm cryopreservation

will not be an effective option for you.

- What other options are there?

- Do you have a girlfriend?

Hey, are you alright?

Yep.

If you're
not feeling up to this,

it's totally fine.

I can take you to your sister's.

No, it's cool.

Well, tell Gus it's his turn

to come out front.

- Everyone got a stamp?
- I haven't got one.

- There you go.

In you go, in you go!

Make yourself at home.

- What's your name?

- Miranda.

- Do you want a baby with me?

- What?

- Do you want a baby with me?

- Miranda.

- Hey, I won't stay.

I'll just come in and say

a quick hi to your sister

and then give you guys some time.

- You know Ava?

Is she still with Greggie Chambers?

- Um, why?

- Did you bring all your referrals

and things like that?

You should have information

and referrals and...

- Yeah, somewhere.

Hey.

What you watching?

- Dirtgirlworld.

Mum, Jonah's sitting on me!

- Do you want something to eat or...

What?

I've only got a bit of it here but Mum's

oncologist should have the rest on file.

Did your guy ask for that?

Any of Mum's old records?

Jonah?

- I just gotta make a phone call.

Thanks for, um, meeting me.

- Yeah.

- And sorry I haven't been in

contact much recently.

It's been so busy...

- Jonah, we said six months, no contact.

- Where are we at with that?

- Well, I don't know exactly.

- Because I think we could be done.

I think we've...

- No. It's four months.

It's been four months.

- How's Greggie?

- He's good.

So I hear.

- How's Becky?

- Uh, that's nothing.

It's just a party thing.

Couple of parties.

It's not going anywhere.

- Oh, OK.

Um, why did you want to see me?

Thanks.

No worries.

- I miss you.

Remember that time when we thought

you were, like, pregnant?

- The first time or the second time?

- Either, either.

- Yes.

- Well, I've been thinking about that.

The idea of us, you and me,

having a kid.

Where does that sit for you now?

- OK, what's going on?

- Ava, lately...

Things in my life have just

been clicking into place,

and it's making me think maybe

kids, family and all that.

Maybe that's my thing.

- Your thing?

- Yeah, that I'm supposed
to be doing in life.

Now.

With you.

- Oh, come on!

OK, Jonah, why don't you tell

me why we're really here?

- This
- What?.

- For this.

Yeah.

What are you thinking?

Calling me up after four months...

- OK. Ava, the thing is--

- The thing is, Jonah, that you

are entirely incapable

of considering other people's feelings.

Ever since your mother died, people

have cut you so much slack,

and now you just crash through life

without even thinking about anything

but what you want in the moment.

I mean, as if I would want to have

a baby with someone like that!

- I just need more time.

- Jonah, you've been
very lucky so far, but

with any cancer there's risk of a spread.

It's a small risk--

- How small?

- Apart from anything else, I don't have

another available time until the 10th.

That's over three weeks away.
- The 10th is good.

- When you're dealing with cancer, Jonah,

three weeks is a very long time.

- I'll take the 10th.

- Hey, we cracked a record on Friday.

Two grand, pure profit, after expenses.

So that's, you know, $737 each.

It's a weekly wage.

A fucking good one!

- Oh, cool.

- I owe you two bucks, but--

- It's cool.

- It's fucked, isn't it?

You know, if you want to

talk about it, it's...

Just hit me.

What's the calendar for?

- That's, uh, humiliatingly basic.

- Yeah, are you just looking for

excuses to get me over here?

- Sprung you got me.

I rigged all the computers to malfunction

once a week just to get you over here.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

- Yeah, no. Go. Go.

- Gus, I'm at work.

- You need to call Jonah.

You need to talk to Jonah right now.

He's pushed back his treatment.

And now he's going to see Stalker Becky.

He's gonna try and have a kid with

Stalker Becky.

He's spinning out.

He's already called Ava and...

I'll put him on.

I'll put him on.

Oh!

Mate?

Come on.

Unlock your door!

Jonah, unlock the door.

- Jonah!

Hey, in the world according to Gus,

you're off to conceive a child

with Stalker Becky.

Is that actually what's happening here?

Do you reckon you're feeling

so intense about this

because it's being taken away from you?

- Yeah, that's exactly how it feels.

- Aren't you worried that the feeling

might fade away in time?

Because it'd be pretty bad if it did

and you were stuck with a kid

you'd had with Stalker Becky.

- She's not a stalker!

She's my girlfriend.

Could be my girlfriend.

- Becky from the past few parties?

- And that whole time last year.

There was a whole time, Stevie,

we were sleeping together.

- I thought that was Gus.

- Well, she slept with Gus more back

then but she liked me better.

I think.

Actually, I know, 'cause she told me.

Told me I was better.

- OK.

Jonah, I don't think you should

get on this train.

You know, there are other ways.

There's adoption.

)r donor sperm...

What?

Come on!

- You just don't get it,
'cause you hate kids.

- I don't hate kids.

- Yeah, you do.

You call babies 'aliens'.

- I just don't personally want

an alien for myself.

- You know what, Stevie, I don't

expect you to get this.

And I don't care what you think.

- Oh, well...

OK, fine.

And I hope for your sake the

baby only has one head,

because the amount of drugs that

girl's taken, you never know!

Hey. Stranger!

Give us thicker drugs.

- Hey, could we just talk?

- We have to be quiet.

My flatmate's next door.

- Becky, I was thinking...

- I have to be at work in 45 minutes so...

- You remember that lump you found?

- My uncle had the same thing.

In his prostate.

- That's not the same thing.

That's prostate.

- You would've made
such a beautiful father.

- Really?

- You just have this
playfulness about you.

Your aura.

- Becky?

I've got three weeks of fertility left

and, I know it's a long shot,

but is there any chance, at all, that you

would ever consider trying for a kid,

with me?

- Really?

Jonah?

Really?

- Yeah.

- Jonah!

- Oh, my God!

- Um, Jonah, can I just...

Do you, I guess I just sometimes feel that

things are a little bit uneven

between us, the way we feel.

- Oh, yeah. That's 'cause
I've been fucked up!

- No, it's--

- Yeah, yeah, Becky.

Becky, I've been a total fuckstick.

'Cause you see me, you know?

You really see me.

- I guess.

I like having sex with you and everything.

I just never saw us as, like, a couple.

It's OK.

We can still do this.

- Sorry, brother, not now.

- We were only together for,

what was it, three weeks?

- Feels like more than that.

Like, in intensity.

- We went to go to my

sister's house-warming,

and you just didn't show.

- Well, it wouldn't be
like that with a kid.

Obviously, I'd get a diary.

- Jonah, Jonah, it's nothing

to do with you, really.

I mean, even if you were really

reliable and stable

and had lots of money and a good

career, were really smart.

It's just that the timing's wrong.

- What about Ava?

You were so in love with Ava.

- Yeah.

Nah.

- What about Becky Kincaid?

- Can I just confirm you're a definite no?

- OK, I have emailed you the

party contact list.

I reckon, you call A to K, warn them.

I will call L to Z.

- Gus, no girl in their right mind is--

- No. I don't think you know

what he is capable of.

No-one is
seriously gonna consider this.

- I don't think you know women at all.

I am a woman!

- Hey, Jonah.

What's going on?

Start calling.

- Oh, the change I've already made in this

last week has been like, massive.

So if I continue on this rate of

change, for the next nine months

when the baby would be born, I'm gonna

be a completely different person.

I don't even know who
that person would be.

But I feel very strongly that he

would be a fucking good dad.

- You can leave the tray, thanks, Mum.

- Thanks, Mrs. B.

I just wanna kick off by saying

there are lots of sides to me.

And I know the party side gets a lot

of play, because I have them.

- Jonah, I know why you're here.

We know.

We all know.

And we just wanna say, we're here for you.

- How do you know?

Yeah, it is a
little sad, but, you know,

we' re looking on the up and up.

Mm-hm, he might not even
mention babies at all.

He might just initiate sex.

And if you do end up having sex with him--

Look, I know, I know.

But just if you do, I wouldn't trust

any of his contraception.

I don't know.

Pin-pricks, anything.

OK, thank you for that.

- Who did you call?

- I honestly believe if the

situation was reversed,

you would do the same for me, mate.

You would intervene!

We've got serious traction

with these parties, Jonah.

We can kick on with this,

being paid to party, living hardcore

for the rest of our lives

like the Rolling Stones or something!

- The Rolling Stones
have all got kids, Gus.

- Bullshit!

- They have.

They've got like seven kids, each.

Check Wikipedia.

- I'm sure they don't see them much.

- Gus, I know you think you're helping.

But for the next couple of weeks,

stay out of my way, man.

- If this changes your professional life,

I expect a thank you in a major way.

- OK, just a light beer.

- Just a light one?

Okay.

Not entirely sure which
one's the light and

which one's the full strength, but...

Ah, so, got a bit of a rundown on you.

- A rundown?

Drinks vodka.

Lives in a share house.

Is very reluctant to lend

out her DVD box sets.

Um, and you had a pretty epic break-up.

- Ah, yeah. Gosh, that was years ago.

- Right, so, well epic.

- Oh, there was a joint web

business, and a mortgage.

Hey.

- Hey.

Ah, I checked the internet last

night, all over the internet.

And I can't adopt.

- Jonah, this is--

- I looked at adoption support

sites, government sites.

And you can only adopt if you've

got a clean medical history.

I got cancer on my history,

so I'll never get to adopt.

So, anyway...

Do you need to, go?

- No, no, no, no, no.

It's fine, no.

- Uh, he's just sitting out

there on the pavement.

- It's girls in their 20s, Jonah.

That's where you're going wrong.

They don't want kids.

Not these days.

If you're actually serious about this,

you should be going for an arrangement

with an older single woman.

A lesbian couple.

- What?

- What?

If you're serious.

- But I don't know any women

like that, Stevie.

- They're everywhere!

There's about four at my work.

- Well, I don't want...

I don't want a kid with some strange

'arrangement' woman from your work.

- You don't want it
that much then, do you?

- So, these lesbians you work with.

- I only work with one, Alison.

I don't know her partner.

- Are they cool?

- I cannot believe you
are facilitating this!

You said yourself, it
was just shock, reacting

to testicle loss or something.

- I know, I know it's a bad idea,

but what was I meant to do?

You know what he's been like.

- What?

I wasn't sure if they were vegetarian,

so should I take out the salami?

- Just so you know, I am drafting

an email, telling everyone.

Parties cancelled indefinitely

until further notice.

I think with the three of us acting

this way, we have no other choice.

- It's OK.

Just send it.

- This is just fucked!

- Just think about it before you speak.

Don't launch off--

- Stevie.

- Don't improvise.

- I got this.

- Well, we thought about going

the anonymous donor route.

We even put our names on a registry

at one point, didn't we?

But at the end of the day, we

want our kid to have a daddy.

- eah, we do.

A diverse family.

- Same, yeah.

Big on daddies over here.

- Ah, Jonah, do you have any questions

for Alison and Jennifer?

- Um, yeah, yeah.

So...

Who were you thinking would

actually be mother?

- Well, both of us.

I mean, total sharing of the parenting.

- But in terms of the actual, biological?

The--

- Oh, we think it's irrelevant who

the biological mother is.

So no thoughts on who'd actually

carry the child?

Well, we did think Jennifer,

because she's a little younger and--

- But then we decided,
no, because the clock's

ticking more for Alison, so...

- OK, yeah, yeah.

- It's just something
I've always imagined.

You know?

Getting pregnant.

Carrying a child.

- I know, I know, me too.

- And how do you think you might

approach actually being a dad?

Oh, yeah.

There's a number of
things I've been thinking

might be good to do with the kid.

OK, there's this clip on YouTube,

where this guy, this dad,

has taken a photo of his kid, every day,

so it's kind of like a time-lapse thing.

But his isn't real smooth,

'cause his pictures are taken

from different distances.

But I reckon if you had a camera set

up permanently, at a set distance,

that way you're nailing it.

- Ah, Jonah, I think Jennifer meant how

you might actually approach--

- Television, TV.

My belief is you don't want to--

- I was actually meaning more,

why do you want to be a father?

- In terms of?

- Just why?

- Well, basically, I just really...

Feel it.

The feeling of it.

My whole body is just

screaming for it.

- Okay.

Well--

- You know what?

Tomorrow...

We're actually babysitting.

Yeah, yeah.

Tomorrow's the day that I babysit

my niece and nephew.

- Oh.

- So maybe you guys could just

come around.

If you're free.

- We'd love to, but we have--

- I just think if you saw me with kids,

you would get what I mean.

- I have to face Alison at work on Monday.

- She the hot one?

Because she was digging it.

I wouldn't be surprised if she

was a bit bi, actually.

- Stop talking.

Just stop talking.

Try the cheese sticks again.

The cheese
stick's on the floor.

- Well, jiggle keys.

- Take them out of the ignition.

- The house keys, Stevie!

Hey, come on, Ellie.

Oh, is that..

- Aah, it's Alison!

- What?

Don't answer it now!

Don't answer it.

Please, let me pull over.

Please!

Just try a little bit.

Oh, no hitting!

Don't hit people, OK?

They coming?

- I don't know any more lesbian couples.

Maybe it's time to let it go.

You realise this'd be it, Jonah?

You'd be giving up your life

for someone who's probably gonna

grow up to resent you anyway.

Then they'd leave.

You'd get a phone call once a

fortnight if you're lucky.

There's so much more out there in life.

- Do you actually believe that?

The last time I saw my mum

she told me she was happy

because she brought me and

Claire into the world.

She said in the end, that's

all that mattered to her.

I want that.

Hey, can you grab him?

- Shh!

Fuck.

I hope you're not offended

that I'm even asking you.

I just remember you saying something about

donor sperm if you got near 40.

It might have been a joke.

- No, I looked into it, sort of.

So it wouldn't be like a date?

No, no, no.

That's the whole thing.

It'd be an arrangement.

Like donor sperm,

only you'd be getting a fully functioning

dad for your baby.

It's a really strange thing

to get your head around.

- No, I was just thinking about

what my sister would say.

She's got three kids.

Perfect family.

- Well, maybe she'd be jealous.

- I don't think so.

- Well, you'd get the best of both worlds.

You'd have your baby, but you could

still date whoever you wanted.

Seriously, the whole 'partner for life'

thing, is it really that great?

I mean, most of the time it's

disastrous, or quietly crap.

- Oh, cynical!

- No, oh, sorry.

Sorry.

No, I just think it's smart.

An arrangement.

You get to have a family,

but keep your freedom.

I don't know why more people don't do it.

- Sounds like you should.

So, you think he'd make a good dad?

- Yeah, yep.

- I'm not seeing anyone that

looks like that, Stevie.

She usually wears headbands.

- Headbands?

And layers, lots of layers.

She looks like the kind
of person who might

do craft in front of morning TV.

Found her?

- Sony I'm late.

Oh, no, no worries.

- Can you ring and rebook the AV equipment

for the next two Fridays?

- I thought the parties were cancelled.

- Ah, no, no, no.

I spoke to him and he wants to roll with

two really epic parties
before his treatment.

He was speaking about getting a second
DJ, training up Cantzi and Smitty.

Just taking it up a whole other level.

- I guess it's a pretty young crowd.

- How old do you think I am?

Oh, no, Marcie, not you.

You'd fit in perfectly.

You would!

- Nice save.

- You've got moves.

Look at you!

- You think I've got the moves?
- Yeah!

Just from the walk from
the restaurant to--

- Stevie!

He was great.

He was just really, really great.

You didn't tell me he was so good-looking.

- Oh, no, I guess I see a lot of him.

Bit too much, really.

- Yeah, he's really in
the moment, isn't he?

- Yeah.

We ended up drinking quite a bit.

I didn't expect it to be such

a big night actually.

Has he spoken to you yet?

- No, I--

- He's probably sleeping in.

Wish I was too!

Anyway, I just wanted
to thank you, Stevie,

for thinking of me and

organising everything.

He really is a brilliant
guy, but I can't do it.

- Oh.

- He has to lock it in, like,

basically this week.

And I don't know him.

- Ah, I can vouch for him.

- I know, I know.

But you've lived with him for years, and

I don't even really know you that well.

I don't mean that in a bad way.

- No.

- So, Smitty, you'll be shadowing Jonah.

Cantzi, you're on me.

You'll see the perks as they come,

you know, the attention,

but what I want you to
note is the military

precision beneath these good times.

OK, you know, things like...

Jonah, Jonah!

Smitty, I will indicate when

the shadowing period begins.

It's things like that that, you know,

are gonna get in the way of

us having a good night.

No pre-emption, presumption.

- I was just checking.

- Yeah, just check.

That's OK.

Take the hat off for now.

- Did you get my messages?

- Ah, no.

Sorry, it was a crazy day.

- What'd she say?

- She didn't call you?

Oh, well, she said that she

had a wonderful time

but ultimately it's not a road

that she wants to go down.

What, fuck.

Fuck!

- But, you know, she said
that you were lovely.

- You know, she had a great time.
- Reckon I should call her and

say that that never happens?

I mean, only twice in my life have I

ever had any trouble getting hard.

Oh, the tequila!

The fucking tequila.

I'm telling you, there's an ingredient
in tequila where I just can't--

- You slept with her?

- Ah, no.

Well, I mean, I tried to, yeah.

- What?

You weren't supposed to try
and sleep with her, Jonah.

It was meant to be an arrangement.

Fuck, I've told you a hundred fucking

times, it has to be an arrangement.

It should be an arrangement.

- You okay?

- Ah, yeah, yep.

Yeah, sorry, sorry.

I just, I shouldn't have

involved people from work.

- No, you're right.

Can't believe I let that happen!

It's gotta be about the arrangement.

Just a clean...

If you could just get me

a second shot with her.

Stevie, just a second meeting,

I'd keep it all about the arrangement.

- Jonah, honestly, she's--

- I'd give her this house!

- What?

- Yeah, I'd give her the house.

- You can't give her the house.

- Listen, if a woman is gonna carry my

kid, I'm gonna give her this house.

- Split it, you mean?

You split it.

- Nah, nah.

It's theirs.

Hers and my kid's.

And she'd get to work, right?

Work as much as she wants?

You'd be a stay-at-home dad?

- If that's what she wants.

- Well, she does.

She would want.

- Then absolutely.

Round the clock.

I'd be like a manny.

- And you'd be totally cool with

her having relationships,

like, dating other guys?

- Totally cool.

- It wouldn't get weird, her bringing

other guys in the house?

Other guys, here.

- How many guys are we talking about?

Oh, well, you know, like, a guy.

Um, a boyfriend.

- It's her house.

- You can't give her the house.

That's extravagant.

- I'd put it in both of our names.

- Oh, no, I wouldn't need that.

What, what?

Um, I'm gonna get changed.

Can you just...

- Dude, dude!

Dude, dude, dude!

Hey there you are.

Gus said you'd tell me

how to change the keg.

- Jonah, Jonah!

Where's Stevie?

- Oh, she's, um, got a migraine.

- Poor thing.

- Yeah, she'll be down later.

- Hey, man, you know, even if

she pulls out, it's cool.

Don't worry about it, you know?

We're building our team.

It's the foundations for the empire.

We're gonna fucking dominate, yeah?

Oh, hey, hey!

Build-up in the hall!

Hi, you've reached Stevie.

Leave me a message.

- Stevie, before in your room,

I don't know what that was,

but if there's even the slightest chance

that you would consider...

With everyone else, it's never

really made total sense to me,

you know, how it would work

as an arrangement,

but with you, I get it.

I mean, we'd be two best

friends raising a kid.

- Yeah if we were to consider this,

I would have conditions,

a lot of conditions that we

would need to agree upon.

- I would agree with whatever you--

"100 % confidential."

Um, chances are this won't work

and if it doesn't, I want us to

go completely back to normal

with no-one knowing a thing.

- Right, right, except Gus.

- No, what, no, especially not Gus.

- Yes, of course.

Right, mm.

- What?

No, you need to actually

read it, Jonah.

- Oh, I do?

- Just sign it.

You don't have any questions or comments?

- Yeah.

Are you sure?

Two weeks ago you didn't even want a kid.

And now--

- I know it's insane.

I keep asking myself that.

But then I break it down.

A stay-at-home dad, this house.

I love this house.

You know that.

Freedom, but with a family.

Seriously, I think it's a good deal.

I mean, I don't even think I believe

in the whole love, marriage, babies thing.

But this, you and me having

a kid as an arrangement,

I think it could be kind of genius.

What are you...

Oh, no!

- What?

- Oh, we're not doing it natural.

It said very clearly 'artificial'.

- Artificial?

- Yeah.

That'll be good.

- Don't we need a few of them?

How many times do we...

Hey, do we re-use it?

- It'll be fine.

And we'll supplement that with

Monday and Wednesday.

- And Thursday, for luck.

And so do I, like, deliver it in my room

and transport it to yours or--

- No, I'm not attempting this with

Gus just outside the door.

- We can lock it.

- It said very clearly 'off-site'.

Did you actually read a single word?

- So not here?

It looks expensive.

It's cheap.

For four nights, but.

It's cheap as shit, Jonah.

What's the bowl for?

- Well, you deliver into the bowl.

You can't go directly
into the syringe, Jonah.

- Right.

Yep, yep.

Ooh, it probably won't be that much

and it's probably gonna

be thicker than that.

- This is for practise, Jonah.

- Yep.

Yep.

- So you deliver into the bowl.

Now, do you want to be
the one to draw it up

or would you prefer to bring it out to me?

No, I'll do it.

- Yeah.

Right, easy.

Oh.

- Did you do that on purpose?

- No, this syringe,
it's just, it's fucked!

Get over yourself.

- Fuck.

- What if we squeezed

all the toilet-cleaning gel

out of this and just...

- It's a four-day window.

We've just missed the first day.

- Fuck!

That's a whole quarter of the time.

I'm just gonna put something out there

and I totally expect you to say no,

but I'm gonna put it out there anyway.

You wanna just sit and talk for a bit?

- Uh, about what?

- Small talk.

Um, how about a massage?

I could give you a massage.

- I don't like massages.

- I'm good at them.

- I just don't like them.

- What if I went into the bathroom

and got myself ready,

you get ready out here

and then when I'm right on the verge,

I'll just come out and, you know, quick.

- Can we just try it normal?

- Yep. yep-

Jesus, so many pillows!

Are you in yet?

- No, I'm just...

Um, you...

Are you good?

- Yeah, thanks, I'm alright.

This is tight.

- Um, so OK...

Arggh, Jonah, ow!

- Oh, my nose!

- Jonah, ow!

- Can you have a look?

Am I bleeding?

- No, no, you're fine.

- Sorry.

So from now?

- Uh, yeah, yep.

Yeah, if you're...

- OK.

- Um...

- Uh, including kissing?

- Oh, maybe no kissing.

- Um...

- If we just...

- Yeah.

Sorry, sorry.

- So, you know...

- Ooh, ooh!

- Oh, just...

Oh, sorry, no.

- Too full-on?

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

That's fine.

It was good.

Sorry, um...

I was just looking the other way.

Maybe we should try a slow grade-up,

maybe take it from 1 to 10 slowly.

- OK, what's one?

- Um...

Yeah.

- OK, two?

- Uh, three.

- Oh.

Seven, eight, nine, 10, yeah?

- Yeah.

Oh, oh...

- I'm sorry.

- Say something.

- After-dinner mint?

Well, I don't mind if I do.

- Hey.

Hi.

4:00-pick up ice.

4:30-check the sound cables.

4:45.

- No, no, no, no.

You're looking at the column.

You gotta look at the row.

It's the Cantzi row.

- Sorry.

- Where are you going?

- Just gonna run over stuff with DJ Sanz.

I think Gus is getting suspicious.

- Yeah.

- I was thinking, like, um, a projector.

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

So we film the dance floor,

but then we can project

it on the outside wall.

We could write
our own messages in there.

- Scrolling across the bottom.

- And/or a band.

I could try some of my music contacts.

- Really?
- What?

- Music contacts?

- I know the drummer of Fait Accompli.

She just made that up.

Hey!

- What?

- Google them and you'll find

them and they're rad.

If we wanted lame, underground,

daggy, '90s hip-hop bands

then we would come to you,

but if we're not, if we

want something cool...

- Big Papa, he's not daggy.

- "He's not daggy"?

- He's not daggy.

- Um...
- He's not daggy.

- What do you think, Gus?

- Sounds fucking awesome.

Awesome!

I love the projector.

- What is it?

- Are you sure...

That this is right for you?

- You're not having second thoughts?

- No, no.

This is perfect for me.

But you've got heaps of time, Stevie.

I mean, you've got years and years.

I hope it's not 'cause you think you're

not gonna get another chance.

'Cause you would, I reckon.

You would for sure.

- No, I'm good with this.

- I thought we agreed

that the links would highlight

as you scrolled over.

- Oh, did we?

- Yeah.

- Malcolm, do you have
a copy of the brief?

Thank you.

Oh, man,
can you just chill out?

I didn't change anything, alright?

All I did on there was just...

- Smitty has messed with the privacy
settings on the party page.

Now we've got what, 500
confirmed attending?

How many maybes?

How many maybes, Smitty?

- I don't know how many maybes.
- Hello.

Hey, can you meet me?

- What?

Can you come
in and meet me at my

work, at the car park, please?

Hey.

- What is it?

- Uh, I got my period.

- What?

I got my period.

- But I thought...

Like, are you sure?

- Yeah, yep-

- Has it come early?

- Well, it's not like clockwork, Jonah.

It changes.

- Yeah, I know.

I just felt for sure it was

gonna happen.

- Well, thank God we didn't tell anyone.

- Yeah.

- Oh, fuck.

Three more days.

Fuck!

Just, oh, if there was more time or...

- Or what?

- I don't know.

- You could go another option or...

- No, obviously, no.

- Well, don't let me hold you back.

- Well, it's just not feasible now.

- Well, you do what you gotta do, Jonah.

Um, I've got to get back to work.

- Hey, are you angry at me?

No, I'm just, I've gotta get back to work.

- Stevie, you're fine.

You got heaps of time to have a kid.

- Oh, thanks, thanks.

- Well, it's true!

You didn't even want a kid until

a week and a half ago.

What?

- Oh, I can't believe I

got involved with this.

- This was your plan, Stevie!

- Oh, my plan?

- Yeah, I was the one
trying ex-girlfriends

and you were like--

- 'Cause you were having tremendous

success with your ex-girlfriends!
- I'm just pointing out there's no reason

for you to be all furious.

I'm not fucking furious!

I'm fine!

In fact, I'm relieved.

Thank God it didn't happen, 'cause

us having a kid together

would have been a total fucking disaster.

- Oh, hey, if you run into Gus, tell

him I am getting the ice.

We're literally leaving right now, yeah?

- Alright, man. Cool.

Hey, whoa!

Not yet!

There's still half an hour.

Where have you been? There is,
like, 20 people out there.

We are two hours behind.

The sound is fucked and Stevie

is bailing.

- What?

- She just sent me a text.

She didn't explain or anything,

just, "Can't make it."

Take these over there.

- What?

- What did she say?

- Uh, well, don't stress.

We'll put it together.

Have you done the kegs?

- Just two of them.

- OK.
- OK.

Sorry, half an hour.

Hey.

- Hey.

- You shouldn't have committed to

this the weekend before your...

- Oh, no, it's good, man.

It's good.

It's time to take it up a notch.

- OK.

- Lollapalooza, right?

- Lollapalooza!

- Alright, would've made a pretty

fucked-up dad anyway.

- Jonah!

I've been looking for you.

- You have?

I, um... I made a phone
call on your behalf.

- You've got cancer?

How could you not tell me this?

You are still so much a part of my life.

- It's OK.

You won't be able to have kids?

- Come upstairs for a second?
- Of course.

Oh, my God, the things that I said.

Oh. my God!

- Ava.

- It's okay, it's okay

- I don't think that you would be a

terrible father.

I really don't.

I think you would be great.

I've always thought that.

I guess that's why I kept coming back.

I could see it.

Playing with your niece, when

your nephew was born.

Hi, Jonah. I'm on my way home.

Can you just call me when

you get this, please?

Thanks, bye.

- You know I tried with other women.

- Was I the first?

- Smitty, Smitty!

- Do you know those
blokes in the suspenders?

- No, no.

Have you seen Jonah?

- I just saw them try and

unscrew the toilet lid.

- Oh, ohh!

- Fuck!

Fuck.

Oh, did any go in?

What happened?

- I don't think I can do this.

- What?

- It's not you.

You're beautiful.

- Gus, Gus, Gus!

- Oh, now you show up!

Someone sent out a mass text.

I don't know who half these people are.

- Where's Jonah?

- He's upstairs!

Can you grab Cantzi?

- I think I'm in love with someone.

- What?

This is the police.

The party is now over.

Make your way outside, please.
- Please, just wait here.

I'll sort this out.

- Who is she?

- Wait here.

Lock the door behind me.

- Thank God you didn't--

- I'm so sorry.

- Hi.

Don't keep drinking, mate.

Get out!

- Excuse me, guys.

Put the drink down and get out.

Jonah!

The party is over.

- Stevie!
- Move!

- Hey.

- Hi. Um, I've been calling.

I tried to get through to you.

- I've been trying to call you too.

- I just wanted to, I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.

- No, I'm sorry.

I called and I just freaked out

and I didn't mean, because...

Excuse me, Thank you.

- I, um...

- Excuse me.

You need to move the fuck

away from the door!

- Oh...

Um...

Stevie!
- Sorry, Excuse me.

- Fuck, excuse me!

Excuse me, Sorry.

Hey, wait, wait!

Stevie, wait!

Stevie, I didn't...

Stevie.

Excuse me!

Hey!

Hey, Stevie!

Please stop, Stevie!

Oh, Jesus!

Stevie...

Stevie!

Stev...

- Fuck!

- Whoa!

Oh.

- Fuck, fuck. Are you alright?

Fuck, are you alright?

- Oh, shit.

I'll pay for it.

- What?

Fuck, I don't care.

Oh, Jesus, what were you...

Oh, yeah.

- Listen. I don't care about

getting a baby anymore.

I don't care about the arrangement.

I don't.

I just wanna be with you.

- Well, I do care.

I want a baby.

And it'll never happen with you.

And you've fasted this morning?

Nothing since dinner.

- Right, well, just some information there

about your recovery and treatment area.

Any questions?

- Yeah, um, what do they
do with the testicle?

Does he get to view it after?

- Um, it's okay.

I don't need to view it.

- Are you sure, man?

Is it this one?

Just the door on the right.

I'll check on you afterwards,

but you may not be too coherent
at that point,

so I will call you tomorrow,

and we'll begin talking about the
next phase of your treatment.

Alright, I'll see you soon, Jonah.

Hi, Aidan.

Gus.

- Well, uh, Gus, could you help me

back to the car with Aidan?

- Yeah, hey.

- Call me, yeah, as soon as...

- Yep.

Bye, Stevie.

- Bye.

- He's not an explosive device, Gus.

- Yeah, no, I know, but
is this smell normal?

I'll be back in a second.

- Thanks for coming.

It means a lot.

- I got you something.

- Choc bullets!

I love choc bullets.

- Yeah, I know.

Thank you.

- Uh, Jonah, what I said the other night.

I'm sorry.

- Nah, I'm sorry.

- No, what I said was inexcusable and--

- No, Stevie, you were right.

You were so right.

You've just gotta be a mum, Stevie.

That's the best thing that's

come out of all of this.

Now you know.

I reckon you would have been one

of those girls who turns 40

and thinks, "Shit, I did want a kid."

Now you know.

And you got heaps of time.

You're gonna meet a really cool guy

and you're gonna have four kids, I reckon.

- I haven't changed that much.

And what about you?

- Maybe I was always meant to

be, like, the cool uncle,

just giving your kids their first beers.

And one day you gotta tell them

that if it wasn't for me,

you never would have had kids.

Okay

They said they're coming

with the wheelchair.

So it's time.

Hey, Stevie, it's okay.

You just gotta think it's actually

the start of Jonah getting better.

- Oh, oh!

Hey, man.
- Shh, it's okay.

I'll see you on the other side.

- I'm not dying, Gus.

- No, that's right.

No, you're not.

- Um, the things you said to me the

other night, did you mean them?

- What did he say?

What did you say?

- Are you ready, Mr. Reid?

The orderly will be here in a minute.

- I did.

I do, but--

- I don't think you should

settle for cool uncle.

I think you gotta be a dad.

And if you can't do it naturally,

then there's always donor sperm.

What, what the fuck?