Original subtitles

♪ Let me hear you say crash! ♪ ♪ Crash! ♪

Six days left until summer vacation.

If I can just catch a five-day virus, I'm home free.

I can't wait to be in eighth grade and grow a mustache.

You don't just grow a mustache when you get into eighth grade.

My sister did.

[doorbell rings]

Whatever you're selling, I don't want any!

Oh. Hey, Bernstein.

And Pesto.

Get off my lawn!

Come on, Crash, let's get to class.

The last week of school is the best.

The teachers don't have any fight left in them.

Yeah. I have to say, I was starting to get the hang of seventh grade.

[sighs] One more practice year. And after that,

I'll totally nail it.

That's not how it works. Next year we go to eighth grade.

There's an eighth grade?!

That's crazy talk!

What more can we possibly learn?

I already know everyone's name. Hey, Pete.

That's toby.

Yeah, but I call him Pete. It's kind of our thing.

Hey, Pete.

Lisa.

Crash is right.

My brother says eighth grade stinks.

The tests are harder, the teachers are meaner.

And they make you shower after gym.

[shudders]

Oh, man, eighth grade must be rough.

That kid looks horrible.

Come on, let's go. We're gonna be late.

Uh, just give me a sec. I have to get my books.

[clanging]

[water splashing]

I'm gonna have to borrow your Math book. I dropped mine in the hot tub.

♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪

♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪

-♪ But ding-dong ♪ -♪ Who's that? ♪

♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪

♪ Don't wait for you to open Kick it down hard core ♪

♪ A purple with a 'tude Where your mom hide the food? ♪

-♪ In the fridge ♪ -♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude ♪

♪ No make-up or feelings Tea parties or dolls ♪

♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪

- ♪ And face slams ♪ - ♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪

♪ What he said ♪

♪ It's war against awesome But awesome's gotta soar ♪

-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪ -♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bernstein Crash and Bernstein ♪

-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪ -♪ I said "Stein" ♪

♪ What he said ♪

[chuckles]

Hey, Bernstein.

I finished helping your mom blow up the balloons for the parade.

Crash, the parade isn't for another three days.

Now you tell me.

Whoa-ooh-ooh-ooh!

Whoa. How did that happen?

Not sure, but a word of advice.

Don't sit on the balloon tank.

Whoa-oh-oh.

-Wyatt! -Aah.

You're in big trouble, Mister.

I found this under your pile of dirty laundry.

It's from September.

You haven't done laundry since September?

Anyway, it says you and Crash owe two hours of community service

before school ends next week.

You two have to stop fooling around.

We're not fooling around.

-[Crash] Yeah. -Aah!

Listen to your mother. This is no time to fool around.

Crash, I told you not to sit on my balloon tank.

I know. Where do you think I got the idea?

Mom, the door!

Whoa!

I can see our apartment from here!

How long was he sitting on that thing?

The community service jobs in this list don't sound very interesting.

Where are the good ones?

List Nascar test driver?

Or lumberjack at an old folks home?

That's a thing, right?

You could help me set up for the parade.

I'm selling V.I.P. seats in front of our building for suckers.

I mean, very important people. [chuckles]

Who's gonna pay for seats at this lousy Portland Day Parade?

We live in Portland. Every day is Portland day.

Well, this year, it's supposed to be great.

[scoffs] Don't even start.

Every year they promise it's gonna be great.

Hey, guys.

You're looking at the chairman for this year's parade.

It's gonna be great.

[Crash shouting]

[grunts]

Thanks, buddy.

That balloon air made me go in the sky. I ate a cloud.

[belches]

Mmm. Delicious.

Crash, get out of here. This area is for V.I.P.s only.

Virus infected pirates? [scoffs]

Good luck with that.

With today's modern medicine and the lack of accurate treasure maps,

it's really a dying profession.

Hey, lady. You can't park there. It's a V.I.P. loading zone.

Cleo, this is a business street. You can't--

Ah! Do you really want to challenge me?

You heard the girl. You can't park there.

Amanda.

Hey. I'm so glad you're gonna be Sacagawea for this year's parade.

I haven't agreed to anything yet.

What's in it for me?

You'd be a local celebrity,

part of Portland history.

You'd probably even get on the news.

Yeah, that all happened to me when I fell down a well.

Wait.

You're baby Amanda?

My mom would not believe this.

[camera clicks]

It'd be so great to have a celebrity in the parade.

All I have now is that weatherman who got skinny.

Please, Amanda?

There'll be a lot of people here.

Well, I do like being the center of attention.

And coincidentally, I have crushes on two boys named Lewis and Clark.

Yay!

I promised big changes as Parade Chairman.

Our current Sacagawea's been doing it for too long.

[Rosie clears throat]

Rosie.

I told you to just drop off the dress.

All right, fine. Who wants to unzip me?

You can keep the dress.

I'll make my own.

Who does she think she is?

That's baby Amanda.

The baby Amanda?

Wow.

It's not exactly being a Nascar test driver.

But at least we get to clean the school!

I thought if we said it in that excited voice, it'd sound fun!

Yeah! It didn't!

This community service is pointless. The school isn't even that dirty.

I'm on it.

Where'd you get all this trash?

Online, baby. It's all online these days.

Ooh! What is this vision of chrome and possible mayhem?

Power floor buffer.

What's this? A warning label?

"Do not play on or around."

Stop flirting with me, Buffy.

Okay, the janitor said to hang on tight because this thing's got some kick.

Oh, please, Bernstein. Like I can't handle an electric mop.

[grunts] Whoa!

[Crash shouting] This is awesome!

Whoo!

This is awesome!

Whoa, whoa!

[laughing] [grunts]

[crashing]

[grunts]

Again, again, again!

All right. Your turn.

Then it goes me, you, me,

Bernstein, me, me, me, you,

me, Bernstein, then me.

All right, just two chores left.

I'll wipe down the fountains, you take care of the graffiti.

Right.

I took care of the graffiti.

[Crash] And the best part is: I gave you full credit.

♪ Let's go! ♪

Two hours of community service was hard enough.

But 12 hours of scrubbing off graffiti was even worse.

How'd they know it was us? That's what I don't get.

I just got off the phone with the school.

The bad news is, your community service hours don't count.

What?

The good news is, they're not going to prosecute.

What?

Okay, in my defense, Mrs. B.,

it was an honest mistake.

[whispering] I make bad decisions.

Just get your hours done.

We tried.

We even offered to pick up trash on the side of the freeway.

But you have to get arrested to do that.

Criminals get all the cool jobs.

It's really not fair.

Dream big, honey. You'll get there.

But now just finish your hours or you'll never get out of seventh grade.

[gasps]

They can do that?

Yes, Crash.

Guys, you're thinking about this all wrong, okay.

Community service shouldn't be a chore.

Think about all the benefits of giving back.

[scoffs] Like what?

Well, you get a warm tingly feeling

for being a part of something bigger than yourself.

I get a warm tingly feeling when I sit on the toaster.

-Ew. -Are you gonna eat that?

[humming]

What are you doing?

I'm helping. Hold still.

Okay, let's see. Um...

What are these numbers for?

I don't have time to fool around. I'm making my outfit for the parade.

I'm the new Sacagawea.

Is it contagious?

No. Sacagawea was a...

Well, she led the... Actually, I don't know what she did.

Oh, what does this do?

[shouts] No, no!

[stammers and shouts]

Crash!

I'm fashion.

-[doorbell rings] -Doorbell.

Amanda, it's you from the future!

Hi, sweetie.

I just wanted to wish you good luck in the parade.

I know you're gonna make a wonderful Sacagawea.

Aw, thank you so much.

And I just want to say

it's not weird at all that you came here to tell me that.

I've had a good run, and now it's over.

So, I guess I'll go home to my 14 cats,

all named Sacagawea.

Aww.

I'd hug you...

but, you know, gross.

Look, missy. You can't just swoop in here and un-Sacagawea me!

I'm not giving up the fame.

Okay, fine, I really don't wan--

-I'm not giving up the attention. -Really, if it means that much--

And I am not giving up the 50% discount at the mall.

No, I get it. You could be Saca-- What did you just say?

Fifty percent?

Sorry, Rosie. There's a new Sacagawea in town.

I don't know what she did.

But she's gonna look super cute doing it.

Yeah, we are.

Care to purchase V.I.P. seats for the parade?

You get free water

and I have this stick to beat back the clowns if they get too close.

[shouts]

That was another fail.

When we volunteered to work at the soup kitchen,

it wasn't so you could eat all the soup.

Well, then I'm certainly not volunteering for the pie kitchen.

Good day, sir!

Come on, Crash. Enough fooling around.

We've got to find a way to get this community service done.

Right, Bernstein. Wink, wink.

We really have to do our wink, wink community service.

Why are you saying "wink, wink"?

Because I can't wink.

Besides, we don't really want to do our community service.

If we do, we'll have to leave seventh grade.

That's what your mom said.

Wait a minute.

You purposely sabotaged our community service

so you wouldn't have to leave seventh grade?

Oh, Bernstein!

I don't want to go to eighth grade!

They make you do homework. Don't you understand?

That's work you do at home!

We already have homework. You just don't do it.

Yeah, but in eighth grade, there's more of it to ignore.

It'll take hours!

Please, Bernstein. Get me to stay in seventh grade.

[sighs]

Come on, Crash, you can handle eighth grade. It'll be piece of cake.

This is the first time I'm hearing of this cake. Keep talking.

I'm saying that you don't fear of anything. And I'll be with you.

You better not touch my eighth grade cake, Bernstein!

I will end you.

Okay. I'm glad to see we're over our fears.

Now can we please finish our community service hours

so we don't have to go to summer school?

Summer school?

That's a thing?

What's the cake situation?

There isn't one.

Summer school's full of delinquents and slackers.

My people.

But mostly, it's kids who really, really like going to school.

[screams]

We need this parade to be tight.

This is my first time being in charge

and I want to make my grandma proud.

I could feel her looking down on me.

Go back inside, Granny. I got this!

[Crash] Quick!

Where's the community? I need to serve it right away.

Oh, what's up, little man?

Bernstein and I need a community service project

or we'll be sentenced to summer school.

[whispering] Smart kids, no cake.

I'll hook you up.

There's all sorts of stuff that needs to be done before the parade starts.

You could pick up trash or help set up barricades.

I also need someone to paint signs and...

wash my scooter.

[Crash] Consider it done.

-You painted my scooter! -And washed the signs.

It was supposed to be the other way around.

All right, I washed the signs and painted your scooter. Sheesh.

I'm sorry, guys.

I can't approve your community service hours.

Wait, wait! [groans]

Crash, you did it again.

You sabotaged us!

That wasn't sabotage.

It was just good old-fashioned incompetence.

Face slam!

Oh, Bernstein, don't leave my face hanging.

Roland, we're really sorry.

Is there something else we can do? We really need those hours.

All right. I got a couple of things. You choose.

You can follow the horses during the parade to shovel up all the poop.

Or you can ride in a fire truck and throw candy to the kids.

[scoffs] Really, that's a choice?

-Isn't it pretty obvious? -We'll take the poop.

-[Bernstein] No! -[Crash] Shh!

[Crash] Yes, yes, yes.

-[cheering] -[marching band playing]

Um, excuse me?

This is the V.I.P. section.

These people didn't Pay $10 a seat to smell manure.

Okay, fine. They can smell it for free.

But if they want to touch it, it'll cost them $4.

Hey, guys.

I see you're finally getting your community service done.

Yeah, but I'm not getting that warm tingly feeling.

More like a warm steamy feeling.

[Crash] Mm. Yeah.

Guys, there's a cleanup behind the mounted police.

Another one?

What are they feeding these horses, empanadas?

[cheering]

Is that still the same bunch of balloons?

No. It's the second bunch.

I tied the first bunch to my purse

which is now floating somewhere over downtown.

I'm beat. Can I sit down?

Sorry, mom.

Even if you had your purse, you couldn't afford it.

But those are my chairs.

Oh, you look cute.

I'm wearing a boat.

Oh! Well... you hardly notice it.

Sacagawea, it is I, your husband.

Mr. Gawea.

What? Nobody said anything about a creepy husband.

I volunteered, so I could be with you.

Mom said I couldn't get in a canoe without a lifejacket.

Fine.

This parade is not big enough for two Sacagaweas.

Out of my boat!

Give it up, lady.

You do not want to get between me and a mall discount.

Girls, you're holding up the parade.

Butt out, Roland.

This is a Sacagawea thing. You wouldn't understand.

I'll help you, Amanda.

As soon as I figure out which one of you is the real Amanda.

Is it you, or is it you?

Is it you, or is it you?

-Crash, be careful. You're gonna spill it. -No, I'm not.

I did not see that coming.

[grunting]

[laughing]

I've got clowns down. I repeat, clowns down.

This parade is a disaster!

What are you talking about?

This is awesome!

Viva Portland!

Oh, man, poor Roland.

This was a big day for him.

Yeah.

Well, see you on the flip-flop.

Wait, Crash. We can't just bail on Roland.

Sure we can. He already signed our community service hours.

But we ruined his parade. And he really wanted to make it special.

This is our one chance to actually do something for someone.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

That some of that poop is clown poop?

No. Why do I ask that? You're never thinking what I'm thinking.

I was just thinking that.

I'm sorry, everybody.

The parade stunk, and it's all my fault.

I never should have taken on this responsibility.

I flew too close to the sun, Cleo.

Too close to the sun.

Everyone, you heard him. His fault. No refunds.

[crowd exclaiming]

What's going on?

Oh, sweet cheese on toast! That is something special.

[laughing]

Yeah.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah.

Thanks, Wyatt.

Does this make up for the scooter?

No, it does not.

[audience laughs]

Hey, Mrs. B., look at me.

I'm something bigger than myself.

And I'm starting to get that warm, tingly feeling you were talking about.

But it could be just because I have to pee.

[crowd screaming]

Where's everybody going? No! Don't let go of those ropes.

No, oh, no.

Well, I'm done cleaning out my locker.

I just have a couple more things.

[grunting]

[continues grunting]

You know, Crash.

Maybe this is just the last day of school talking.

But I feel like you and I have really bonded this year.

Yeah. At the beginning of this year, I totally did not like you.

And...

And what?

♪ Crash and Bern, hard core ♪

♪ Bass, bass ♪

♪ What ♪

♪ That's what friends are for ♪

♪ Crash and Bern ♪

♪ Tear it up, dude ♪

♪ Good call ♪

♪ Crash and Bern Crash and Bern ♪

-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪ -♪ What he said ♪