Original subtitles

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick

♪ Kick Buttowski

♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪

Yay, Halloween!

The one day I can dress up like Kick

without my mom taking me to the couch doctor.

(SCREAMING)

-BOY 1: Trick or treat! -BOY 2: Trick or treat!

Oh, how cute, Gunther.

You're a darling little ballerina!

Actually, Mrs. Buttowski, I'm famed Viking warrior Thor Thorsen.

He was so fierce in battle,

he wore purple tights to avoid intimidating his own men.

Trick or treat?

Make way for Billy Stumps!

(IMITATING BILLY STUMPS) Now, who's gonna pay for my truck?

Check it out, Kick.

Found this elephant poncho online.

Only thing big enough to hold our candy haul.

We hitting every house in town again?

Same as last year.

Trick or treat!

Trick or... Treat!

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

Oh, yeah! And this year, we'll trick-or-treat even faster.

Nothing will stand in our way.

(BOTH IMITATING HORN HONKING)

BOTH: Trick or treat!

Happy Halloween, boys.

What are you doing here?

I'm your next door neighbor, Brain-owski.

Seeing as you're here, wanna check out my rockin' Halloween party?

Would love to. But unfortunately,

Gunther and I have more important business than your "rocking"...

Halloween party!

(GUNTHER WHOOPING)

Gunther, you've got five minutes.

This is the worst Halloween party ever!

(DISTORTED) Shh! Quiet, Buttowski!

Who's he supposed to be?

The speed of light. Duh!

Give it a chance, Kick. Maybe Kendall's going to show a scary movie.

Oh, look! Bobbing for apples!

Hi, Kick.

KENDALL: Attention everyone!

You there, the ballerina in the corner! Please take your seats!

It's Thor Thorsen.

Your assigned seats.

Kick! You're beside me!

KENDALL: Lights!

Oh, goodie! The scary movie's about to start!

(READING)

(SCREAMS)

(ALL GROANING)

A report?

The origins of the holiday we call "Halloween" are mysterious indeed.

Why we're staying here is the real mystery.

Let's go.

Hey! My Halloween presentation isn't over, Clarence! Lights!

It is for me. I already know what Halloween is all about.

Trick-or-treating. And I'm gonna hit every house in Mellowbrook.

-Ha! -Ha what?

I know for a fact there's one house you've never gone to.

Which one?

That one.

(WOLF HOWLING)

The Van Der Deth Mansion? It's haunted!

No one ever trick-or-treats there!

(SNORING)

It's a scientific fact that no one who goes in that place ever comes out.

Ever. Ever!

(SCOFFS) Fairy tales.

Then why haven't you trick-or-treated there?

ALL: Ooh!

Well, technically I'm not even sure it's in Mellowbrook.

And we're on a tight schedule.

Plus does anyone really believe...

It's okay, Kick. You can admit you're scared.

ALL: Ooh!

Fine. Tonight, I, Kick Buttowski,

in the guise of Billy Stumps,

will be the first person to ever trick-or-treat

the Van Der Deth Mansion!

(WOLF HOWLING)

KENDALL: Lights!

Gunther, time to make history.

One thing I've noticed about history,

a lot of people get hurt.

Don't worry, Gunther. If you see any ghosts,

-your ballerina costume will scare them away. -(SNICKERS)

I'm Thor Thorsen!

Can we leave, too?

No!

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

As I was saying, the origins of the holiday we call Halloween

are mysterious indeed. The ancient Celts...

(WOLF HOWLING)

I don't know about this, Kick.

Gunther, there's a light on.

That's the universal sign for trick-or-treaters welcome.

(GATE CREAKING)

Yeah. That sounds inviting.

Look at this place! There's no point in trick-or-treating here.

I doubt they even have any candy.

It's not about the candy.

It is for me!

Gunther, we have to do this!

To silence Kendall, sure, but more importantly, to be legends.

Forever known as the first to trick-or-treat the Van Der Deth mansion.

(SHRIEKS)

Relax, Gunther. I'm sure those are just Halloween decorations.

Like these fake cobwebs and plastic spider I just walked into?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, totally fake.

(LAUGHING) Totally fake.

(BATS SCREECHING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS) Nobody's home. Let's go.

Look! Ghosts!

Relax, Gunther. It's just covered furniture.

Furniture ghosts?

Is there someone right behind me?

Calm down. It's just an old suit of armor.

See? Nothing to be afraid of.

(STUTTERING) Did you see that?

It tried to kill me!

It's probably just the wind.

(SCREAMING)

Gunther!

This house isn't haunted.

Now take a deep breath, and follow me.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

You're right, Kick, I feel much better. Oh!

-Kick! -Gunther?

Gunther! Where are you?

Gunther! (ECHOING)

Gunther?

Gunther?

(SCREECHING)

Hey! What'd you do with Gunther?

I said, what did you do with Gunther?

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

(SCREAMS)

(YELLS) (MEOWING)

(SIGHS) Just a cat.

I knew this house wasn't haunted.

(FOOTSTEPS THUMPING)

Gunther?

Is that you?

(ROARING)

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

(SCREAMING)

BOTH: (DISTORTED) There is no escape from the ghosts of Van Der Deth Mansion!

(TOLLING)

They were right! This house is haunted!

OLD WOMAN: Why did you come here?

To... To trick or treat.

Thank goodness.

(MEOWS)

I'm Mary Van Der Deth.

And I've been waiting so long to hand out candy to you kids.

You... Huh?

Oh, I love Halloween.

We even turned our mansion into a haunted house.

(MACHINES POWERING DOWN)

My late husband made our fortune

selling the scariest decorations in town.

Cool! But your floor. It ate my friend!

You mean Thor Thorsen?

GUNTHER: I'm a balleri...

Hey! She got it right!

(CHUCKLING)

Gunther! You're alive!

Better than alive. She has lemon squares.

(GASPS) Gunther! The spider! It's real!

Stand back!

His name is Terrance.

I do apologize about the broken floorboard.

Been meaning to get that fixed.

And another thing.

I buy candy year after year,

hoping the kids will finally visit me.

BOTH: Candy?

Since you two were brave enough to trick-or-treat here,

it's all yours.

Too bad no one's here to see this beautiful sight.

Yeah. Wait a sec.

Beautiful, huh, buddy?

Mrs. Van Der Deth. How'd you like to finally get some visitors?

That would be a trick of a treat!

Now the word Halloween dates back to the 16th century Scotland.

No candy? Ha!

I knew you were too scared to trick-or-treat at the mansion, Clarence.

(WOLF HOWLING)

You actually went there?

Oh, we went there. And so will you.

-(ALL GASPING) -What did he say?

Follow me if you wanna go to an awesome Halloween party for a change.

Oh, right. Like anyone wants to go to a creepy old...

(SNORING)

Party!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Now that's a party.

(SQUEAKING)

Same time next year?

Absolutely!

No, Terrance. You didn't finish all your flies at dinner.

Oh, like I can say no to you.

(WOLF HOWLING)

Salem, Massachusetts was the site of the famous witch trials.

While not technically associated with Halloween,

these trials are well worth describing in great detail.

(OWL HOOTING)

BRAD: It was a night just like tonight.

In these very woods,

two dillweeds sat around their campfire,

unaware that the spirits of the forest were closing in all around them.

(LAUGHING VICIOUSLY)

(SCREAMS) I do believe in spooks! I do! I do!

There's no such thing as ghosts, Brad.

Oh, no? Then how do you explain this?

(GASPS)

(VOMITING)

We didn't make Mom and Dad force you to drive us out here

to tell us lame ghost stories.

We came here to pay respects to a true pioneer.

Dead Man Dave.

He disappeared on this very spot, 20 years ago today.

-Lame. -Lame?

Dead Man Dave was the most pure skater who ever lived!

He didn't skate for the money,

he didn't skate for the chicks.

He skated for the purity of the sport.

No fame? No chicks? More like Dead Man Lame.

(GASPS) It's the...

(STUTTERING)

He's gone all koo-koo.

Ghost of Dead Man Dave!

Have fun walking home, suckers!

I guess we'll have to follow the road and walk back home.

Nuh-uh. I know a shortcut. That way.

Deep through the dark, scary forest?

Yep. We'll beat them home in half the time.

What about the ghost of Dead Man Dave?

Gunther, there's no such thing as ghosts.

Well then how did Brad do that to his finger?

Are we lost yet?

No.

Are we lost yet?

No.

Are we lost yet?

Yes. Yes, we are lost.

(SIGHS) Good. Lemme call my Mom to pick us up.

Hmm. No service.

No service.

No service.

(SIGHS)

There! Hey, Kick, I finally got...

Paul... Paul Bunyan! It's Paul Bunyan!

It's just a statue, Gunther.

Hmm. Lot one and Lot two.

A parking shuttle!

We must be in the middle

of some long forgotten parking lot!

Parking lot for what?

It's an abandoned amusement park.

All to ourselves.

BOTH: An abandoned

amusement park!

An abandoned

(SOFTLY) An abandoned amusement park.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH WHOOPING)

(CHEERING)

Maybe we should forget about the rides.

This park is amazing, Gunther!

I wonder why they closed it?

I bet it used to be all space-age and cool,

but then they had a Jules Verne-style update in the '90s and ruined it.

You know what, Gunther?

I bet you're right!

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

ANNOUNCER ON TV: We'll be right back, after these messages!

ANNOUNCER 1: It's getting late.

(READING)

Stupid commercial.

My heart, it feels so heavy.

ANNOUNCER: And now back to Tankini Lumberjacks!

Tankini!

The Wild West Show starts in 15 minutes!

You wanna come, Kick? Sounds exciting!

Not this time, Gunther. I wanna hit some games.

Suit yourself! I'll save you a seat just in case!

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

MAN 1 ON TV: I can't go on.

MAN 2 ON TV: No, Brother. I shall not leave you behind!

(BLOWS NOSE)

I know how hard it is for you.

But again, I beg of you, please go on without me.

No, Brother. I shall never leave your side.

(SOBS) So tender!

Front row!

Yeah!

(CLATTERING)

Hey, who threw that?

Who is that?

You can come out. I know someone's here!

Brad?

I saw you! Okay, Brad! I know it's you!

Horace? Pantsy?

Not funny, Brad!

(YELLS)

Yeah! (EXCLAIMS)

Huh. Must have been the pre-show.

(BRAD SOBBING)

(HUMMING) Oh, hey, Bradley.

You wouldn't happen to know where your brother is, would you?

Get off my back, Dad! I'll find him!

Okay? I'll find him!

Don't you ever question the unbreakable bond between two brothers!

Never!

What was that all about?

I'm not too sure, but I think our baby boy has taken his first steps

to becoming a man.

Hmm. Well, how about you help me finish the dishes?

I swear, Brad. If that's you...

Oh, it's on.

Your move, bad boy.

Brad! Let's get out of the forest and drive on some real roads!

I've gotta find my little brother! I'm coming for you, Kick!

This guy's good.

Four score and seven years ago...

End of the line. You've got nowhere else to go.

My board!

Oh, my gosh! You found my hidden board?

Your board? (GASPS)

If this is your board then you must be

(GULPS) Dead Man Dave?

Half true.

You're alive?

You're Alive Man Dave! What up.

I can't believe this! This is crazy!

But why? Why?

Why did you disappear, Dave? Why?

Oh, man. It was a night just like tonight.

(THUNDER CRACKLING)

I dunno. I just got sick of it, dude.

I mean, yeah, I had the money.

Yeah, I had the chicks.

But I didn't want any of that.

I did it for the purity of the sport!

Oh, this rules!

I can't wait to tell everybody you're alive!

Nuh-uh, dude! I came here to escape that crazy world!

No one can know I'm here, understand?

Please. Promise me that you'll keep me a secret.

Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.

No one will ever know about this place.

Or you.

(HORN HONKING)

Kick! Oh!

Oh! You're okay! You're okay!

Wait a minute. What is this place?

Uh, well, you found me, Brad! We best be on our way!

Not a chance! This is my new hangout!

We're gonna be here all the time!

Maybe do it up all Jules Verne-style.

Brad, no! You can't!

Oh, yeah? Who's gonna make me?

(GASPS) A...

What's your problem?

(STUTTERING) A ghost!

Ha! There's no such thing as...

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

ALL: It's the ghost of Dead Man Dave!

(ALL SCREAMING)

And they went wee-wee-wee all the way home.

I guess they won't be coming back here.

I guess I won't be coming back here for a while, either.

Aren't you gonna be bored with no one around?

Nah, dude. Don't worry about me.

I'll keep myself busy.

I've actually been doing a western show

every 15 minutes for the past 20 years.

But no one ever goes to that.

Well, it's been great hanging out with you, Dave.

I guess I'll see you around.

Or not.

You know, dude. I was thinkin'.

This coaster's lookin' pretty shabby.

-It needs a killer test run. -You mean...

You know what my motto is, dude.

-"Do it all..." -"And then some!"

(BOTH WHOOPING)

Chimichanga!

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOOING)