Original subtitles

‐ Did last night really happen

or was it all just a wonderful dream?

Did Jodie and I really make love?

And did we really find that secret passageway

that leads to that room where Charles Barkley wanted me

to eat sticks of Right Guard?

‐ Oh. We had sex alright.

The Charles Barkley stuff was a dream though.

‐ You can hear my thoughts?

‐ You left your Brainwave Vocalizer on.

‐ Oh. Why do I have this? I should go.

‐ Actually, I think you should stay.

‐ Really? You're not regretting last night?

I thought it might have been kind of a backslide thing for you.

Or a one‐last‐time kinda thing. Or some mean kids dared you.

‐ MODOK. No, I wanted you.

I still want you.

‐ Oh, here comes the nervous belches.

That probably ruined it. ‐ No. Still.

‐ Well, now we're both smelling it,

and I'm sure your jets are officially cooling.

‐ My jets are raring.

‐ Wow! I can't lose.

Oh, kids. Get off me!

‐ Smells like some hungry burps in here.

Luckily‐‐ ‐ We made you breakfast.

‐ Thirty‐two sausage links,

yolk‐only scrambled eggs,

generous smear of lard!

My favorite breakfast.

‐ From what we could hear very, very clearly

through the walls last night,

it sounds like our family is back together!

‐ Well‐‐ ‐ That's exactly right.

We're getting back together.

‐ R‐r‐really?

‐ One hundred percent r‐r‐really.

Really real real really real.

‐ That's not me, MODOK. It's an impostor.

‐ Dad! Somebody's kidnapped us!

‐ He can't hear you through the TV.

‐ Wait, this is all too good to be true.

But it is true, and it's wonderful!

‐ What are you thinking. you fool?

Answer me!

‐ And 32.

Last sausage. That is a solid base.

‐ Aww, MODOK.

‐ Uh, bon appetit!

‐ A second breakfast in bed.

I... shouldn't?

‐ Knock yourself out, Modie.

I had the master bathroom completely soundproofed.

‐ Is that so? ‐ Yeah.

A man could be sick all over inside his body in there for hours

and I'd never hear any of the disgusting sounds

his body made him make.

‐ This is the best day of my life!

‐ Why is this happening?

Who is doing this to us?

Oh, MODOK.

Dad? Fool!

‐ One of you said MODOK, and you're right.

I am MODOK but from 20 years ago!

‐ Oh, some time‐traveling version of your father.

‐ Wow!

‐ I bet you're pretty shocked to see me looking so young.

‐ You don't look that young.

‐ Younger than your father! He's got crazy wrinkles.

He's got wrinkles here real deep.

‐ Hey, buddy, you have wrinkles there.

‐ What?

Oh, you all make me so mad.

I was supposed to have a beautiful life.

I was supposed to be a world conqueror.

Instead, I'm this.

‐ And it's all your fault.

The housewife.

The weird boy.

And the ice skater. Pfft, ice.

Inline skating is what's cool. The world is your rink.

If he hadn't spent all his time with you,

we would have been emperor of the world by now!

I was going to bring forth a great scientific utopia,

ushering in a new age of empirical logic.

Also, I was going to marry Mena Suvari.

‐ I'm way better than Mena Suvari.

‐ Oh, are you?

Were you in American Beauty and also American Pie

in the same year?

Did I simply not see you in those marvelous films?

Did I miss your scenes?

‐ Hey, back on topic.

What's the plan here? The plan is torture.

You sit here and watch your father with these robots

designed to tell him everything he wants to hear,

things you would never say,

so you can see how little he knows you

and how replaceable you are to him.

Now, I couldn't have made these robots alone‐‐

Well, I absolutely could have, but I didn't.

I had help.

From someone who might shock you!

‐ Ohh... uh, what‐his‐face.

‐ I bet you're wondering why I gave up your secrets and betrayed you.

Me, the family's beloved robo‐‐

‐ Roomba! It's Roomba!

Aww, look at him eat.

I love him. ‐ I miss him, and I love him.

‐ Oh, let's kill them now. ‐ I hadn't told them that part yet!

Okay, so you heard him. Eventually going to kill you‐‐

‐ Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you'd told them.

‐ It's fine, I‐‐ Ugh, I was close to saying it anyway.

Needles.

Is it medicine? Oh no, it's poison!

Aren't they achingly slow?

It's actually a lot harder to do this than to have them go fast.

The only one who can save you is MODOK.

And he has no idea you're in danger.

He thinks you're right there,

applauding him... do that.

‐ These robots are nothing like us. He's bound to figure it out.

‐ Ohh, you think?

Ahhh, after all that breakfast,

this crab salad is very refreshing.

‐ Hey, Dad, guess what?

I no longer want to do weird, weird magic at my Bar Mitzvah.

I'd like the ceremony to be AIM‐themed.

‐ That's my Lou!

‐ Let's start a family band

like you've been suggesting for years, Dad!

I'm not too cool for it anymore!

‐ More joyous news!

‐ Is this what he wishes we were like?

‐ Jodie! I'm ready for the soundproof bathroom now!

I need it.

‐ It's so sexy that you know what you need‐‐

‐ Get out of my way!

Okay, so Dad just keeps eating and eating and eating,

but at some point he has to get full.

‐ Theoretically‐‐ ‐ And when he does,

we have to somehow send him a message,

let him know that's not us.

‐ We don't have a lot of time.

Or maybe we do? I really can't clock the timing on these needles.

Man, we are in a tight spot!

‐ Hey, you know who's really good at getting into tight spots

and cleaning things up?

‐ A tiny maid! ‐ Roomba!

‐ Roomba's on the Wi‐Fi, and I have my GRUMBL Watch.

I have bars.

Lou, can you reach it?

‐ Oh. Here, use my shoe!

‐ Ow, Mom!

‐ Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie, that was a mistake.

‐ It's time to save our lives, Roomba.

Sorry, that shoe in the face really hurt!

‐ Careful now. LOU: Okay.

Ha!

‐ Ohh! Okay. Now for the easy part.

Getting the marbles.

Ah, that was so good! And our first time too!

Yes! ‐ Yeah! There we go.

I'm so confident he'll get that I'm getting rid of the shoe.

‐ Ahh, kink in my neck from this keytar strap.

Gotta stretch it out... by a‐lookin' at the ground.

‐ Wow! You're the best stretcher, Pappy!

‐ Aw, thanks, Son.

Okay, down I go. See everyone shortly.

Yes!

No!

‐ What's up, baby? I was just about to stretch.

‐ I wrote a song of my own, Modie.

‐ I write the songs, but sure, okay. Sing it.

‐ Okay, so that's not catchy at all.

Burt Bacharach can rest easy‐‐

Wait! You want to renew our vows?

Ohh, baby, you ate shit hard!

‐ MODOK, will you marry me again

gain‐gain‐gain‐gain‐‐

‐ What the hell

do you think I'm going to say?

Of course I'll remarry you, Jodie!

‐ What?

I love‐‐

I love‐‐

I love‐‐

‐ Okay, so we're renewing our vows.

What's the right kind of cake for that?

There's a school of thought that says no cake at all,

renewing your vows is stupid,

it's a way for people late in their lives to cling to something

that's obviously dead or dying.

But I like strawberry and cream!

I know that face.

You just want me to be happy. And I am!

Happy we're so in sync with my opinions!

‐ Well, your father's going through a delusional psychotic break.

We'll have to save ourselves.

‐ What if... I have a superpower and don't know about it?

We're in a concrete cell.

Like, what if I could harness the power of concrete in some way.

‐ Okay, let's look around the room. There must be something‐‐

‐ If you have a superpower, how do you use it?

Like, how do you activate it? ‐ There's no windows. No pipes.

Where even are we?

‐ Does anyone know how you vibrate your pineal gland?

That could be how I do it. ‐ Lou, honey, I don't‐‐

‐ Concrete! Your master commands you!

‐ You don't have superpowers, idiot!

‐ Don't be rude to your brother, Melissa.

He's only trying to help.

‐ There is a solution. And it's fairly obvious.

Mom, you have to seduce Young Dad.

‐ Absolutely not.

‐ He looks just like Dad. You've done that before.

‐ Yeah, well, he's not Dad, okay.

He's my captor,

and seducing my captor isn't something I'm really into.

Although in the right circumstances,

I'd be down for a sexy spy scenario, that's just roleplay‐‐

‐ My hands are bound, so I can't cover my ears.

‐ Also, young lady, you need to learn that a woman

shouldn't have to resort to using her sexuality to solve a problem.

‐ Thanks for being such a great role model.

It was especially great when you used your sexuality

to trick Wonder Man into giving you free publicity.

‐ Well, I thought we were both using each other

for sex and publicity!

‐ Why aren't there eyelids for ears?

‐ Oh, you weren't okay with me dating, that's what this is.

‐ It was way too soon after splitting with Dad!

‐ Well, I didn't hear you say anything about Wonder Man

when he took you to the premiere of his movie,

The Hunchback Quarterback of Notre Dame, The College!

‐ I had to see it! And it sucked!

‐ Stop it! Was the movie wrongheaded? Yes.

Was it an ill‐conceived effort, ineptly made

by a group of confused amateurs dipping their booms into every shot

and still somehow managing to make it sound like

the Hunchback Quarterback was underwater?

Yes, but it was trying!

And we need to be trying to get out of here!

Dad needs us!

‐ Ohh, I wish you kids cut me as much slack as you do your father.

‐ Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.

‐ Mom literally gave you a peanut allergy

and you're apologizing to her now?

‐ I have to make nice with Mom and Dad.

It's just going to be us after you abandon me for college!

And maybe, oh, I don't know, I wanted a peanut allergy!

Thank you, Mom, for that.

‐ Oh, Lou, stick up for yourself.

‐ I'm sorry. You're right.

‐ Don't apologize to me, oh my God!

‐ Don't yell at him, he can't help it!

‐ Thanks, Melissa.

‐ Oh, shut up, you jellyfish. I'm basically a sociopath!

Do not tell that sweet, simple‐minded boy to shut up!

‐ Oh! It's time!

‐ Let's put our disagreements aside

and think of a way to get to the needles faster.

‐ Jodie. We've had our ups and downs,

but recently things have been all up, no down.

And I love that.

Our life together stretches in front of me,

one long unceasing wave of happiness

piness‐piness‐piness‐‐

‐ What's happening?

‐ Piness‐piness‐‐

Get ready for a surprise!

‐ It wasn't really Dad! It was a robot!

‐ Wait, if that wasn't your father, where is he?

‐ He's here! He's here to save us!

‐ Kids!

Let's find your father!

I think the explosion came from this way.

‐ I told you Dad wasn't stupid enough

to fall for a bunch of robots.

‐ Although we are, maybe?

We were fooled by Dad's robot up until it exploded.

‐ Well, we just couldn't tell because it was on those little TVs.

Yeah, if we were in a room with a robot,

we'd definitely know.

‐ Melissa, Lou, Jodie, where are you?

Dad! We're coming, Dad!

MODOK! ‐ Oh, thank god.

Now I hear you, but I don't see you.

Follow the sound of my voice. I'll just keep talking.

God, I can't think of anything to say.

Ahh, there you are.

Now quick, we gotta get out of here.

Dad! We're coming, Dad!

MODOK! Huh?

Dad! We're coming, Dad!

MODOK!

Good. You're all finally together.

MODOK and Families, hello, hello.

Arcade and I, Arcade is here,

would like to welcome you to

Murder World!

‐ I hope you like being confused!

‐ So, MODOK, I bet you're wondering who I am.

‐ No. I'm more interested in why I've got so many dang families right now!

‐ But you're also still wondering who I am.

‐ Ehh, judging from the chronocrystals stuck in your head,

I'd say you're a time‐traveling version of me.

‐ That's... very annoying.

‐ I'm always tinkering with time travel.

I'm surprised something like this hasn't happened before.

‐ What an unlikable attitude!

‐ But I bet you're wondering how I managed to track you down.

‐ No, you traced the robot signals I left for you to follow.

I wanted you to be here. It was part of my plan!

‐ Then why was it so hard if you wanted me to come?

I almost gave up!

‐ I think it's time to turn things over to the designer

of the game we're about to play,

a merciless mercenary and an absolute loony bird,

Arcade!

‐ Hello, players!

Thank you for the entertaining deaths you're about to suffer for me.

It was a true pleasure to consult on this project with Young MODOK,

which is why I charged him the entirely symbolic fee

of one million dollars.

No really, i‐i‐it's all about the carnival‐esque death games for me.

‐ I've been watching you bicker all day.

It might feel good to pick up a weapon and take a swing at one another.

‐ But first my favorite part,

explaining the elaborate nature of my game!

All the real members of the MODOK family are in this room,

mixed in with... robots!

‐ It's been so many robots already!

‐ These perfect robots believe that they are the real family members.

‐ You have 20 minutes to figure out

which ones are robots and then to kill them!

If you fail, or refuse to try,

you will all be killed.

If you choose correctly,

the final four will be allowed to leave Murder World

in a small escape plane,

courtesy of our partners at Airplane World!

‐ Let's start the timer!

Find your real family.

Oh, and to start you off,

I'd like to give you a little clue:

I have three torture chambers, my torture chambers three.

In each, I placed two robots and a human abductee.

‐ Everyone, grab the two family members you came in with!

That'll help us start figuring out who's who.

Whoa!

‐ Don't you hate it when the floor does that?

‐ That spun them right round, baby,

like a record!

‐ Can I say things too?

‐ No! ‐ Well, what'll I do now?

‐ I don't care. I don't need you anymore.

‐ Well, doesn't that sound familiar.

Oh, come on!

‐ You think I'm afraid of the dark?

Me? Mr. Planetarium?

Aw, crap.

‐ That's right! I took the liberty of adding two more MODOKs

because I am frigging cuckoo for symmetry

and I have got to have it!

‐ Okay, everyone, pair off with the other versions of you

and start checking each others' bodies.

‐ That's right. These robots might have, like,

a USB port on their backs or something.

‐ Right. You might, for example.

‐ Sure, robot. Whatever you say.

‐ Well, they look just like me. Or I look just like them.

We all have that tattoo we've never regretted getting.

‐ I burned myself on a curling iron a couple days ago.

‐ Okay, so?

‐ Oh my God.

‐ The rest of you can't be certain like I am,

but I knew I was the real one.

‐ But they thought they were the real one too.

‐ Uh, it's different with me.

There's gotta be something in them.

Lotta real‐looking stuff in here.

Starting to think I may be the robot.

Oh, here it is! Computer chips!

‐ Ooh! And the real Melissa has discovered the telltale chips!

‐ I'm the real one too, so let's get those chips out, babies!

Lou,

those weapons are sharp, I don't want you touching them.

‐ Whoops!

‐ No! ‐ I'm a real boy‐‐

‐ Oh, thank God!

‐ Okay, we got a chip but, Lous, you're banned from the weapons.

‐ This is so unfair!

‐ What is the deal with this kid? Is he okay?

‐ Maybe we MODOKs should just go at it, trust the true MODOK will win.

‐ Oh, I like that. I like it a lot.

‐ Well, I love it. ‐ Are you going to marry it then?

‐ We can't just keep wittily topping each other.

‐ I can.

‐ Shut up! You die first!

‐ Stop! We can't do this.

We have to talk to each other,

ask each other questions.

There has to be things we know that the robots don't!

‐ Let's start off easy, what is our anniversary?

‐ May 13th.

‐ Wrong, you robot! It's June 13th!

‐ It's May 13th. ‐ Yeah, it's May.

‐ Wait, wait, wait!

‐ Yes! I was wrong, but I got away with it!

‐ What? The one who got it wrong had to be the real Dad.

See?

‐ Even MODOK's beloved family

knows what a disappointment he is!

‐ So we learned something there, right?

They know every little thing that we know,

but their recall is perfect instead of human?

‐ So if I answer a question right, you're going to think I'm a robot?

‐ And now that you've said that, if I answer wrong,

you're probably going to think I'm a robot

who's pretending to get it wrong.

‐ A nuanced and, I'll say it, elegant conundrum!

‐ A perfect time for multi‐ball!

‐ There's no good answer, is there?

All we really know is that we can't all escape.

Take care of each other.

‐ Wait, what are you doing?

‐ I loved you all.

‐ No!

Damn you, giant pinballs!

‐ We could have figured it out.

‐ Lous... maybe you shouldn't see this‐‐

‐ Get away from us, you horrible robot!

Go oil your gears!

‐ Uhh, Dad? Look.

‐ Jodie? ‐ Oh please, is it so bad

that I didn't commit suicide for you all?

That's insane, okay. This family is sick.

You can't find a standard high enough to hold me to.

‐ There's only one robot left to find, and it's a Lou!

‐ So... who's gonna kill a Lou?

‐ We're friends! ‐ You got that right, me!

‐ Oh, whoops. Ohh!

‐ I wish the third one was around. Whatever happened to that guy?

‐ We're not killing them. ‐ Such wieners.

‐ Frankly, I think there's been too much killing today.

‐ If you refuse to kill, you'll all die!

Time is running out!

‐ There's still more than 15 minutes, actually. Should we wait?

‐ Fine by me.

‐ How are you going to kill us?

When the, when the time's up. I'm just curious.

‐ Arcade has rigged up some giant pinball flippers.

They'll... flip you to death, I think?

‐ That's correct.

‐ Right. Because you couldn't kill us without Arcade.

You couldn't kill us by yourself.

‐ Ahh, excellent effort, MODOK, but I don't think‐‐

‐ Stop the clock, Arcade.

‐ You're kidding me. ‐ I'm not!

I'm gonna go down there and teach this old fool a lesson.

‐ This is a total breach of the rules of the game!

I quit!

I am a robot as well!

‐ But why would‐‐

‐ Or am I?

‐ Everyone stop paying attention to him. He's just gonna keep going.

‐ Ohh.

‐ Big mistake. I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson, you little punk.

I'm older, wiser, and more dangerous‐‐

‐ But I'm the one who's been preparing for this.

‐ Oh no, Dad!

‐ Mel, do something! ‐ Dad's dying.

‐ I... I‐‐

‐ Oh, pathetic housewife, what do you think you're doing?

‐ God of Pilates, grant me usable strength.

‐ Mommy?

‐ Can you fix him?

‐ Dad?

‐ You all... saved me.

‐ Oh God, I killed someone.

‐ So... should we get something to eat?

‐ Look, I'm Mom! Ahh!

‐ I didn't know you did Pilates, Mom.

‐ It's just very small movements. I'm doing it right now.

‐ Huh.

Maybe I'm doing it right now too.

‐ Whoa, whoa, whoa, the word search goes diagonal too?

‐ "Appetizer." Could be a coincidence.

‐ Having two Lous is feeling very natural to me.

‐ Ohh. Well, you all left the base so fast,

I didn't get a chance to talk to you,

but I'm like, blah,

sorry about betraying you or whatever.

‐ You betray us all the time. We just have to reset you.

‐ What‐‐

Hey, it's the MODOKs!

What are we doing, having dinner?

‐ Do you want to betray me now?

‐ Never! Why would I want to do that?

Can I get chicken fingers? ‐ No.

‐ Oh, you'll pay for this.