Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Hello?

Hello?

Very good.

Now, if that's not the sound of being a man, I'm deaf.

We're talking about laying down the damn law

and standing up for yourself.

Oh, going the speed limit, huh?

It's funny, if I'm going the speed limit,

and you're going faster than me,

that means you're going above the speed limit.

If you're done being nice for no reason, I want you to scream.

Chapter five.

Let's all chant the word "balls." Balls.

- Balls, balls, balls. - Balls, balls, balls.

Hi, this is Charlotte. Leave a message. Bye.

Hi, love.

Just want to let you know that I am almost to my new post,

which is exciting.

Anyway, call me.

Would love to hear your voice, you know, or don't.

You don't have to if you don't want to. Actually, no.

I would like if you would call me, please.

This is me saying what I want, so there.

Okay, well, it's Finn. Love you. Call me. Okay, bye.

Balls. It's healthy. Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls.

Absolutely. Good afternoon to you as well.

Well, if you've got no holes to make, make some now,

as the storm is going to be a big one.

We're talking about a crippling...

Hi.

Where can I find the...?

Thank you.

- Mr. Parker, I told you... - Well, excuse me, Miss Sherwyn,

I told you that I'm here to listen.

It's Sherman.

See, it's just, I'm worried.

Now, this pipeline is a feat of human ingenuity. I mean, look at this.

This is plastic, cradled in steel laying underground in Portland cement.

I'll cut you a generous check, easy as a signature.

And... What-what is so funny?

It's just the... It's the irony. I've got an environmentalist staying on the second floor.

- See, I'm concerned that... - Hon, hon, hon, I got environmental guys.

I got MIT guys that are smarter than some environmentalist on the second floor.

Okay? They do lots of impact studies, they...

- Hi, I don't mean to interrupt. - Oh, no. Please do.

- Can I help you? - Are you Jeanine?

Yeah, I... You must be the new ranger.

Yeah. I'm Finn Wheeler, US Forest Service.

- Oh, I'm Jeanine Sherman. - Sam Parker, Midland Gas.

Oh, what a coinkydink.

- Excuse me? - The pipeline, right? That's your project?

- It is. - Yeah, I'm going to be stationed in Beaverfield

for the duration of construction.

- Well, lucky me. - Should it go through.

It will. I'm confident.

Has to be a majority vote, Mr. Parker.

Sure is a lot of beautiful nature here.

It'd be a shame to break grounds so close to a national forest.

A man that doesn't want to conquer nature

doesn't understand how brutal it is, Ranger.

Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to be like, "Oh, It'd be a shame."

- I wasn't trying to make a... - May I take your luggage?

Oh, uh, miss?

Yeah, uh, Jeanine, you know, I can get that.

Nope. Breakfast is 7:00 to 9:00 in the café,

and then we reopen again at noon.

For now, I'm the only game in town, food-wise,

open business, especially with the storm coming.

What a night.

Yeah, I hear we got a big one coming.

Probably overblown. Local news guys just love fearmongering.

Hey, Jeanine. We got café customers.

Do you want me to take care of it?

No. I'm making sandwiches.

All of your pictures are... I got.

Do you mind helping the ranger get settled?

Yeah, you go run this place 'cause you're my damn hero, okay?

Hi, Ranger.

Oh, Finn.

Finn Wheeler.

You're the mailman.

Person. Yeah, gender is a construct.

- Cecily. - Hey.

Oh, I have mail for the ranger.

- Oh, really? - Uh-huh.

Not littering. I'm just excited.

Yeah, not judging. Just watching it.

"I'm writing to inform you of Emerson Flint's commercial trapping activity." Hmm.

"Contact road authorities.

Sincerely, Dr. Jane Ellis, PhD, DVM,

and professor of zoology, and environmental studies.

Room 207."

- Well, ka-ching, I've got a case. - A case.

Yeah, I'm going to head over to this guy, Flint's place.

Can I walk that?

It's a bit of a schlep, yeah, but I can show you

'cause I have a delivery out that way.

If that's okay.

- It's totally okay. Okay. - Okay.

- Hey, go ahead and... - I'm just going to change.

...put on your ranger gear, or on your steed, or... Okay.

- Okay. Yeah. - Bye.

- So you live at the inn? - I do.

- Yeah, it's pretty sweet, right? - Yeah.

I rented a room when I first transferred jobs

thinking that I'd eventually get a place in town, but I don't know,

two days turned into four weeks,

and Jeanine wouldn't let me leave, and so I was like,

"Oh, you want me to help you tidy some rooms in exchange

for staying at your sweet-ass mansh?" "Yes, please."

- A "mansh"? - Mansion.

- Oh, right. - Want some hot Beaverfield goss?

Uh, yeah.

So Jeanine's husband met a woman at a bar and they ran off together.

Jeanine hasn't really been the same since.

- Dang. - Yeah.

Word is, they left for Belize.

- Ouch. - I hear Belize sucks this time of year.

Unlike Beaverfield, real fucking sun shining.

Should've packed our snowshoes.

What? People do that?

- What, snowshoeing? - Yeah.

Oh, sure.

You know, fun fact, not only is it the oldest,

but remains one of the most effective means of traversing the ice,

and snow, of course, because snowshoeing.

Wow.

Yeah, you're going to fit right in at Beaverfield.

Everyone here is a little questionable.

You know, the weather, the people, everything.

Fancy.

Devon's a tech dude, and Joaquim runs the yoga sesh.

They're all like an ex-city, nature-loving, millionaire power couple.

You know the type.

Hi, boys, this is Finny, the new ranger.

You just put the mail on the marble table, thank you.

We're friends.

Yo, Cecily.

Yo, Gwen.

I know you got my starter and my fuel injector.

- I don't, no, not yet. - That's weird.

Sorry.

I ordered them like the fourth of the last month

and by my algebra, it's been like three whole weeks.

I'll keep an eye open for it.

Marcus. Marcus!

Wait, you are going to want to see this.

- Damn. - Fuck, Marcus.

- Shit. - What time is it?

- Sorry, babe. Huh? - "Sorry, huh" is not a time, Marcus.

- Are you high? - Baby, no.

Drinking and driving is for dummies, honey.

Don't talk to me... There's strangers, who is that? Hey, what's your name?

- I'm Ranger Finn Wheeler. - What?

He's a new ranger in town.

- Oh, that's ranger thing... - What he say?

- That's that. Y'all both police? - I'm Cecily.

We've talked many times. Welcome to Beaverfield. It's a freak show.

Suck my dick.

She had too much soda.

- Colorful couple. - Yeah, quite a show.

- Eh? - Oh, my goodness, gracious.

- Proud of it. - Yeah, they're in it for a big check from the pipeline.

It's not funny. We're just renting here.

- How do you know all this stuff? - A big bag full of cigarettes.

You're not actually insinuating that you read people's mail?

- No, I'm kidding. - It's a felon.

You're the new ranger, hello.

- And who's this? - Stephen King's very own Trish.

- What? What did you say? - I said, "Beaverfield's queen Trish."

Oh, uh-huh. Hello. Trisha Anderton.

- Proud owner of Anderton Maple Flowers. - Hey, nice to meet...

It's been in the family 90 years and everybody knows but crafting is my passion.

- Boo! - Oh!

It's you.

- It's a little pale me. - Has anybody made you a snowfall angel before?

You put it on your Christmas tree, do you have a Christmas tree?

- Well, not currently. - Or do you celebrate Kwanzaa, put it on your Kwanzaa tree?

- No, such thing. - I am going to open my own craft store

as soon as that pipeline comes through.

Just mark them words.

Hello, hello, hello.

One, two, three.

He doesn't get any attention ever since little Chachi came into my life.

- Do you? Look at this. - Ooh!

There she is, it's Cecily the mailman.

- No, thank you. Stop, stop. - Ranger Finn Wheeler. Hey, how are you doing?

Hello, Ranger.

- Cool, never the left. - Never the left. My kind of guy.

It's not what he meant.

- How are you? - Come on.

Oh, I got something for you, Ranger.

It's from our own private reserve right there.

You guys, so many gifts.

The best syrup in Vermont. Oh, my God, are you kidding my behind?

What happened?

Jiminy Christmas, hippies knocked down our sign again.

Oh. It's Antifa.

I mean look at that. Great job, Picasso, you put an X through it.

You're not going to stop the pipeline.

Do you have this problem in your last town?

- No. - Brooklyn hipsters.

Yeah, you just give 'em a big old knock

on the old craniums, right?

Oh, oh, arrest her, Ranger, she's the one, lock her up.

Lock her up, yeah, lock her up, lock her up.

Say goodbye, Chachi.

There's a new sheriff in town, you're not really a sheriff.

No, you're not.

They seem cool, huh?

He boned Gwen in their sugaring room.

- No. - Yes.

That aggressive mechanic lady?

That's the one.

Whew. That's... That's a dish.

Now this thing, what exactly is this?

Oh, this? This is Parker's phallic fire totem.

He's stuck 'cause he needs a majority town vote to build it.

Half want the pipeline cash and half want to save the trees or whatever.

Anywho, I think the only holdouts are Jeanine and the boys.

- Do you need a hand with that? - Yes, please.

So you got a big family, small family, no family?

No, it's just me and my sis, how about you?

That's so lucky. No, there's seven of us. I'm the youngest.

My sister and I were born the same year.

Irish twins, same grade even, so it was like, "You want a toy? Take it from somebody else."

This here, right? You coming with?

Actually if you wouldn't mind,

you want to just bring him that package

'cause Flint likes to know who's around here,

so you could introduce yourself.

Neighborly fellow, my kind of guy.

Thanks for the tip.

Hey, oh, just one last...

- Hello Charlotte, hello? - You might want to read this.

Hello? Hello?

Charlotte, hello? I can't...

You're good.

Love, hello, can you hear me?

Hell... Ah, crap.

Hi, this is Charlotte, leave a message, bye.

Hi, Charlotte, it's me, it's Finn.

Glad I'm finally getting through, it's so hard to leave a voicemail. It's...

I'll call you back.

Mr. Flint.

Mr. Flint.

Oh! Oh-ho! Ha! Oh, man.

Oh!

You have 30 seconds to get the fuck off my property.

I'm Ranger Wheeler.

You're way the hell out of your jurisdiction, Ranger.

- You see, I received a complaint from Dr. Ellis. - Regarding?

Regarding concerns of possible commercial trapping.

You can tell Dr. Stalin I make my living legally on my own fucking land.

It's called freedom.

Uh, you know, as long as you're not doing it on US forest.

I don't recognize your job, your stupid uniform,

or the government you work for.

You're down to 10 seconds, nine...

- Oh, okay, yeah. Well... - Seven.

Are you gonna keep counting? I have a package for you right there.

Five, four, three.

He's armed! He's heavily armed.

- Thanks for handling my package. - Do you know this? Oh!

He's not my kind of guy at all, which is the neighborly kind.

- Are you hungry? - Huh? Maybe. I think.

Yes, this requires active measures, come here.

I tried to warn you, but I think you were on your phone.

I was on my phone.

I bring in their packages in the winter

so I have full access to the kitch kingdom.

Right? It's pretty great.

It's awesome.

Do you want to put on a song?

Oh, yeah, sure, on the jukebox?

Yeah, and I'll see if there's something I can heat up.

- Okay. - Okay.

It's a lot of '90s.

Huh?

It's a lot of '90... I'm just going to put something on.

Yes. I love this song!

So, what brings you to Beaverfield?

Hard ball right from the top.

- I had an incident at work. - Did you touch someone?

- No. - 'Cause time's up, you too.

Yes, but I didn't touch anyone.

- Do you want to show me on the soap bottle angel? - It's not about touching.

I'm sorry, yes, go ahead.

Some guys I know convinced me to fish Grout Pond

without a permit and then they posted it to social media.

- I mean, can you believe it? - Dummies.

So a transfer was a way for me to keep my job.

- And Charlotte thought - Charlotte?

Yes, Charlotte my girlfriend.

She thinks that this situation could be good for our relationship.

- How is that? - Well, you know, she thinks that I am too "available."

Right, because women like men who aren't, ahem, there.

But, you know, I figure I won't need a whole year

and maybe, you know, assuming nobody better comes along...

Your first kombucha?

- Assuming that nobody better comes along. - You will get back together or?

Well, technically, we're not broken up.

- Ah, but you're not living together? - No.

- You're not seeing each other? - Not currently.

- You're not talking. - There's texting.

And you're keeping your options open?

Because Charlotte thinks that... Oh, my God.

- I'm broken up, aren't I? - I think so.

Want to do something violent?

- Ah! - Wow.

I think it's like an English axe, just weighted differently?

- They use a metric system. - Yeah, I think that's what it is.

Oh!

God, that was beautiful.

- I'm being hustled. - You are, I'm a shark and this is a long con.

- Clearly. All right. - Welcome to your worst nightmare.

All right.

- I'm Ranger Wheeler - Hold on.

Before you do anything, just recognize that you're holding a real murder weapon.

- Yes. Acknowledged. - And it requires some training.

Yes.

So just try to flip it one time and then land it on the second flip.

Just like a flip and then it lands on the second flip.

- Yeah, okay. - Does that make sense?

- Yeah. Yeah. - You got this?

Okay. You got this.

- Oh, yes! - Oh, yes!

- Up high. - Yeah!

- Down low. Too slow, oh. - How did I not see that one coming?

How did you get into rangering?

- Rangering? - Yeah.

Yeah, that's what we call it, but you're going to freak, but I read that.

- My butt? - N-No.

- Yeah. Uh-huh. - Walden?

- Are you serious? - Yeah, absolutely.

- You poet. - Yeah, I was 15.

- It changed my life. Yeah? - Yeah, it changed mine, too.

Bet you've been to all the biggies, right? You've been to Sequoia?

- Been to Sequoia, I've been to Kings Canyon. - Mm-hmm.

Been to Yellowstone?

Yellowstone. I've been to Yellowstone.

You know, I camped out a couple of nights

- in the township on the way up. - Wow.

Yeah. You ever been to Gallatin National Forest?

No, but I would really love to go. Yeah.

You know, I feel, um, most myself outdoors.

- Yeah? - Yeah. It's a cool life you have.

Yeah, I guess so.

"A taste for the beautiful is most cultivated out of doors."

- Walden? - It's Walden. Yeah.

I want to stand with you On a mountain

Hey, um, Ranger Finn.

Mailperson Cecily?

- I wanna lay Like this forever... - Can I kiss you?

Until the sky...

I'm so sorry. Hello? Hello?

- I'm so sorry. - Are you serious right now?

- Hello? Charlotte? - Are you really really answering a call... Wow.

- Hello? Yeah, hey. Uh-huh, yeah. - I'm sorry.

Yeah, no. I'm just shopping.

Grow a pair.

Yeah, uh. Sorry. Wait, what?

Oh, no, you need the actual AAA card for that.

Let's go outside and do our business.

Yes, that's right, Chachi.

Yes, you are my good boy.

Poo-poo potty, please.

Chachi.

Ooh, boy.

Chachi, what in the hell...?

Okay. Come on!

- Mrs. Anderton? - It's the damn devil that ate my baby.

Devon found her like this.

I have a triathlon in August so, you know,

4:00 a.m. sprints, and I heard screaming.

Well, let's be honest. The whole neighborhood heard screaming.

I told you. I didn't need your help.

I'm going to go get a croissant.

My baby. That monster killed my Chachi.

I'm so sorry, I'm confused. Are we talking about a real baby?

Because if that's the case, oh, my God, but if not, it's a dog.

For God's sake, Joaquin, show a little respect.

It's Joaquim with an M.

I don't mean to be rude, Pete, but your dog only barked at Jews.

And brown people, no carbs for you.

There's something out there.

Probably just a coyote.

Or a possum, hon.

Those are scary, huh?

No.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Trish,

but everything in these woods eats little dogs.

- I can't get on the internet. - Calm down.

What do you think, Dr. Ellis?

Hi.

Uh, it's a little too early to tell, Mrs. Sherman,

mainly because I literally don't know what's going on.

Hi, everyone. I'm Dr. Ellis, Jane.

I'm here to stop the pipeline.

A prominent environmentalist who's staying here with us.

- Oh, Dr. Ellis. I got your... - Oh, my God.

The power's out, like, everywhere.

Oh, no.

Our poor Chachi left us this morning.

Come here. Oh.

- Sorry, Trish. - I'm sorry, too.

Okay, everyone.

I'm going to go to town, and I'm going to get the backup generators going,

log Chachi's death, and get you back on the internet.

Oh, my goodness. What now?

- Jeanine. - Yes.

You got to let us in. Our cedars broke.

Hey, yo, just so you know that the streets is all storm-fucked.

Storm-fucked.

- What did she just say? - I think he said...

- Storm-fucked. - Yeah.

I'll be right back.

Oh.

Heavens to Betsy.

Heavens to Betsy.

What is this?

Holy sh...!

Ranger, you look like you just seen a corpse.

You're right.

Uh... The roads are effed.

- Yes, we just said that. - Yes. No shit, dummy. We said it.

And something's wrong with the generator.

Which generator?

- All of them. - Wait, what?

- What does that mean? - It looks like somebody went at them with like a knife?

What the hell do you mean a knife?

Is that what killed my Chachi?

Might we put the horror leash away?

What kind of animal is smart enough to go around town, slashing all the generators,

but stupid enough to eat your stupid Chachi?

Okay, you're over the line, wolf city!

Why don't you use your inside voice?

I'll use whatever voice I want. Maybe I'll use my outside voice.

Okay, well, if the power grid is out,

it's going to take at least a week for the power to get back up.

- A week? - Uh, also, there's a dead body under your porch.

I didn't want to leave him on the...

So I left him on the table.

Aw, shit. That's your husband, ain't it?

Didn't get to Belize after all, huh, Dave?

- Ooh. - This is definitely a canine.

- How do you know? - Probably a wolf.

What are you, like, a wolf detective now, Marcus? I don't think so.

He's right. The leg muscles have been severed.

It's a canine. It's to immobilize their prey.

Accurate assessment for a gas man.

Well, I used to do a little brown bear hunting in Siberia. It's a beautiful animal.

Yo, lady, you a wolf detective, though?

Really good, Marcus. Close, no.

- She studies animals... - No, thanks.

Tea toddler, see for yourself.

Well, I'd, I'd take some if you'd be so kind.

- grunts] - I would be.

What happened to Dave? It's just so awful.

Anyway, um, lady doctor, do you think what got Dave also got my Chachi?

If you'll excuse me, I need to go compare these fur samples.

Peter.

He don't stink 'cause he froze up.

- Maybe we should just take it inside. - Yes.

- It's so disgusting. - Now one body, there's two bodies.

You know, nothing's gonna get down that mountain but a snowplow.

Does Beaverfield have a snowplow?

- Fuck yeah, we do. - Good.

I just need that starter and fuel injector I ordered.

- Oh. - Oh, there's a wild animal out there

and I don't wanna say it out loud,

but who knows who or when it's going to kill next?

Who she's going to kill next?

- I do not find that funny. - Hey, hey, hey.

- It's a little funny. - I have an idea.

This Flint guy, he's an expert hunter, right?

- Oh, yeah. - You could say that.

- Well, maybe we pay him a visit... - And kill the damn thing?

Actually, I was going to say, maybe h-h-he could trap it?

You can't go by yourself, man. That psycho, he's nuts.

- You could come with me. - No, I'm good.

Anyone else?

We're trying to have a baby.

And my husband is dead.

And Chachi also.

Cecily?

They can probably only eat one of us at a time.

Uh...

You know, if we had some snowshoes,

we'd be killing this walk right about now.

We get it, you love snowshoes.

Yeah. Thanks for coming with me.

It's really... really cool of you.

Cool? Is it cool of me, like "a friend way cool of me,"

or is it cool of me in like "a girl you almost make out with,

but then don't because your ex-girlfriend calls" cool of me way?

- Look, last night... - No, Finn, it's fine. You're not over your ex.

Let's not make a thing out of it.

Well, no, you're wrong. You know?

Last night was very, very big for me.

In like a sad way 'cause you're with the wrong girl?

No, because I was with the right girl.

One who's smart and beautiful.

True.

And interesting.

I'm listening.

Look, I blew it, okay?

There's no denying that,

and it's not because I love Charlotte still.

It's because I don't know why.

Finn, you're a really likable guy, and that's great.

A lot of people like you.

Not to sound too heteronormative, but maybe Charlotte's right.

Maybe you should man up, you know?

Grow a beard, hair on your chest,

chug a beer, yell at someone smaller than you.

I don't know, yell things like, "Respect me."

I don't know what men do. I try not to hang out with them too much.

You do realize that we are prepared to double the offer?

I don't care if you triple the offer.

We moved up here for scenery,

not your construction scheme. No.

And scenery requires having a forest, which you don't F up.

Well, you're really effing up our people's dreams.

Yeah, well, too bad, Pete.

Shit, I guess Trish don't get her craft store, huh?

Craft store? What about our freaking money?

- I don't know. - Go ask. Ask.

Yo, P-Parker, so Gwen and I, we want money.

Oh, sorry, Marcus, if the vote ain't unanimous, no one gets nothing,

unless you can convince your neighbors otherwise.

Are you deaf? We are not going to sell.

- Sorry, neighbors. - You suck. You both suck.

- I suck? - You don't belong here!

You're liberal snowflakes.

Y'all city slickers suck.

Yeah.

You got everything you, um, need, Doctor?

Dr. Ellis, do I call you Doctor or Dr. Jane or...?

Jeanine, I have everything I need.

Thank you so much for letting me set up shop in here.

Okay.

- You got enough power? - Yep. I work in the woods.

- I've got some batteries. - Okay, okay. Oh.

- Jeanine? - Okay.

I'm going to find out what killed your dead husband.

I have excellent samples, and I'm going to get answers for you.

Uh, okay.

- Do you want me to knock or...? - No, I got it.

- Are you scared? - No.

- 'Cause I can hear your tummy. - I'm not.

- Are you? - No, I'm punk.

- You're in a punk band? - I was, actually, in high school, yes.

We were called Megalodons 'cause our lead singer's name was Meg.

- That's so cool! - I know. I played...

Either of you care to illuminate

what the hell happened to my generator?

Uh, so...

In conclusion,

what we're asking is that you track this thing down and...

Kill it?

- No. - Okay.

Thank you for your time. You've made yourself perfectly clear.

We're just going to get out of your beard.

Mr. Flint, I understand that you're proud of being tucked away

in the outskirts of this town, but, you know, you're still a part of this town.

This thing is killing people in the place where you live,

and the people of this town, everybody's going,

"How the... How the heck are we going to get rid of this monster?"

You know what? Everybody, every single one of them, they all voted for you.

- It was really led by you. - Cecily.

Don't touch that, please.

- Mr. Flint, Emerson. - Emerson Flint.

People are afraid, and, you know, no matter what their differences are,

people deserve to feel safe.

I guess what we're asking

is that you...

you be a good neighbor, you know, like Mr. Rogers.

- Hey, I love him. - Yeah.

- Mr. Rogers, huh? - Yeah.

Who's that?

Hmm?

It was all Jeanine's story, you know, Dave running off and whatnot.

Welcome to Beaverfield. Population, bunch of liars.

What are you suggesting, Mrs. Anderton?

Pete, you and Dave were tight.

Did he ever say anything about going to Bailey's?

Nope, but you know what's weird?

Jeanine's against your pipeline, Mr. Parker,

but Dave was really excited about it.

- Mm-hmm. - Huh.

Wait, y'all aren't saying that...

We just don't know for sure now, do we?

Shit. You know what I can't get out of my head?

- Language. - Tell me.

Come on. All of the generators are just conveniently mangled by some animal?

- Fuck off. - Language.

Somebody did this, a legitimately maladjusted somebody.

Mm, I don't know. Dr. Ellis did say it was an animal.

- I mean, there was all those hairs. - Mm.

Well, we definitely have some unknown knowns and some known unknowns.

What's known is that animals don't sabotage generators,

but guess what is covered in hair and totally can?

A werewolf!

No. No. Again, I wasn't... I wasn't going to say that.

I was going to say... Emerson Flint.

"It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood," "Pink Friday."

Then he plays with puppets. You know.

- Is it the land of make believe? - I don't think so.

Mr. Flint, I'm convinced this thing is going to kill again, and...

Finn.

Chachi.

- Oh, my God. - I know, I know.

I'm not your man. Get out.

Understood. Uh...

You know, we're probably just going to head back to the inn, save some lives.

- Make a soup. - Mm-hmm.

I'd die for one of Jeanine's sandwiches.

- I don't want to die. - I don't want to die either.

- That would be be terrible. - Good night.

- Oh, gosh. - We have to just push.

- Is it jammed? - You want to leave?

- Uh... - It's fine.

It's not opening. I'm going in both directions.

You go ahead, please. No, spare me.

Oh, please don't. Oh, please!

- Please don't bother the lock. - Spare me there.

Think I couldn't do that myself?

I could have gotten that myself.

But I appreciate it.

- He's definitely the murderer. - Keep your voice down, be normal.

- Hurry! I need warmth. - What happened?

- What did he say? - Emerson killed Chachi.

What?

Hold on a minute. We don't know that for sure, Cecily.

Does that mean he killed Dave? Does that mean he killed my husband?

He had Chachi's collar.

She does this a lot.

No! That's my child.

That bastard did!

- Okay, okay! Shh! It's all right. It's all right. - Peter!

She's just happy to have some closure, and now we finally got it.

It's Emerson.

- Chachi just got his wings. Dave, too. - Sorry, Trish.

Hey, Jeanine, what do you say we open up a nice bottle of wine, huh?

- No! - Okay.

Oh! Uh... Uh, okay.

- Well, maybe not that one, Pete. - You want some, Gwen.

You're not one to turn away a spicy rat.

- Why you fucking touch my ass?! - Whoa, okay.

Keep your hands to yourself, or I'll cut them the fuck off.

Must be that time of the day.

Don't touch my wife's ass.

Can I make anybody a sandwich?

- I'll take one. - No, you won't.

Me, I want one.

Oh, my God,

that was an absolutely horrible sound you made.

Dr. Ellis, are you okay?

Did you find the answers now? That was fast.

I compared the DNA samples.

The hairs from both Dave's body

and Chachi's little outfit are a match.

Everything about this predator is unorthodox.

It's not human.

It's canine, but there are no matches in the database.

I'm going to keep running tests, but for now,

what I can tell you is I don't know what this thing is.

Examining the body, it appears it feeds like a dog or a wolf, meaning...

Meaning that? I want to know.

Meaning Dave was probably eaten alive.

That's fucking rad.

Okay.

Everyone, hey. Everyone, hey, can I have your attention, please?

- Find our way home. - Between the power outages and the storm,

the whole Emerson thing, I think we can all agree

that it's unsafe outside and there's safety in numbers.

- So maybe we... - We should stay here tonight.

I'm with you, yeah. I don't wanna go out and get ate.

- Same. - Jeanine, you got room.

You can put us all up, can't you?

No. It's just that... Well, I have...

Thank you so much, Jeanine.

But some people would have to double up.

Well, I mean, I think that'd be fine, right, Cecily?

- Okay. Slow down. - Uh, out of curiosity, who is packing?

I am, yes, sir, America.

Shit. Well, we're packing, dawg.

I have Dave's hunting rifle if that would be helpful.

Oh, gosh. I almost forgot. Um...

- I got... It's teensy. - It's a purse gun.

- Excuse you. - Okay.

You know, I think we should keep a gun in every room, just to be safe.

Hold up! This dude Emerson wants to come down off his mountain-maniac ass

and eat our asses and fuck our skulls, guess what?

It's not going to happen tonight because pam, pam, I'm up in this tit.

Yeah. Where my gun goes, I goes.

Same, and I am sleeping with my wife

unless someone prefers that my gun stays in someone else's room.

Cecily, do you want protection or...?

- I'm good. - Thank you.

Uh, one more time, raise your hand if you have a gun.

It's tiny. It's a purse gun.

And if you don't have a gun, no gun?

Marcus got my gun.

Welp, we're having a good, old-fashioned sleepover.

- With guns, though. - With guns, yes.

Dr. Ellis, we just thought we'd clue you in on the game plan for tonight.

Professor?

- You all right? - I'm fine.

I just need more time to work.

Okay.

All right, everyone, let's lock up.

Pete!

Get off of me!

What the fuck is going...?

- Peter! Peter! - We need more lights.

- Oh, my God! - Can someone please look for my hand?

Hell, yeah. I got you, bro.

You shot my husband.

- His hand has been bitten off! - Oh, my God!

For God's sakes, this is an animal attack.

Uh, no, I think he was shot, too.

Oh, wow, would you look at that?

- Okay, Peter. - He's just in shock.

I stopped the bleeding. He should be okay.

We would have heard him come in.

How many times did you fire your piece?

How many times do you ask stupid questions?

Guys, it was obviously an accident.

Accident or not, we're obviously not safe. We need help.

Is he here?

He didn't just disappear.

Dr. Ellis?

Dr. Ellis, are you okay?

Gwen, what was it? Did you see it?

Didn't get a good look. He was fast.

We need to get him to a hospital.

We can't go anywhere until the storm blows over.

- Marcus, don't touch that, please. - I didn't. I wasn't.

I feel like I'm in one of those dinner theater murder things

and I'm having a horrible time, and I can't go home.

- I don't get it. - All right, babe, it's a nightmare.

What could have gotten in here?

And how did it get in here?

How did it get out?

Who says it got out?

Okay.

It's not possible.

It's not possible. It's not possible. It's not possible.

Did you find the answers now? That was fast.

- No! No! - It's not human.

It's canine, but there were no matches in the database.

Does that mean he killed Dave?

Does that mean he killed my husband?

I have excellent samples, keeping the root alive.

I'm going to get answers for you.

Dr. Ellis?

I told you, she's probably tanked.

Touch this door again, I'll shoot, again.

Dr. Ellis?

Please.

- Look, we need answers. - It didn't disappear.

What did she say?

- What? - It's not Emerson Flint.

It's one of you.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Okay, well, we don't understand. Can you just please come out?

I'm afraid I can't do that, Ranger Wheeler.

You could be one of them.

- What is she...? - Shh, shh, shh.

One of what?

A lycanthrope.

- A what? - A werewolf.

What? What is this, dumbass island? She's drunk.

- She's a dumbass island, baby, you're fucking.... - Shh!

- This room got a back door? - Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Listen, hey, Dr. Ellis? I know you're freaked out.

Now I'm freaked out.

- I think we're all freaked out, yeah? - Yeah. We're freaked out.

But tell you what, if you come out,

- we can all discuss this together as a group. - Hey.

- Parker, no. Stay back. - Doc?

Put the gun down. No!

Dr. Ellis, are you okay?

- She killed herself. - Oh, my God.

What? Wait. Oh, what? She killed herself?

She was less afraid of death than whatever happened to Dave.

All right. We searched again, doors, windows, everything's locked.

Nobody in here but us, for better or worse, y'all.

And remember, nobody's calling the cops.

Everyone shut your stupid whore mouths and listen to this,

"Complete set of humanoid DNA overlaps with a complete set

of canine DNA." Blah, blah, blah, boring, boring, boring.

Oh, "Not sure if this is another species or evolution."

Well, it's not one of those things.

Hey, though, real? My dead dad did tell me an old folklore about the settlers

that used to run the werewolves out of the woods.

Okay. Why are we even talking about werewolves?

- Why not? Every culture's got a werewolf story. - Werewolves?

That's true. The Vikings had the ulfhednar, the Turkey has Kurd Adan.

Okay. Big daddy Sam Parker dropping that werewolf knowledge.

When I was a kid, my daddy used to kick my ass.

Okay.

He also used to tell me about the Wendigo.

He said he was coming to get me if I was acting like a little shit.

- What's a Wendigo? - It's a man-beast, stalks the woods,

hungers for human flesh, but is never full.

That's funny. That sounds like a euphemism for white men.

You're funny, honey.

Thanks, baby. You know, growing up in Argentina,

it wasn't uncommon for the seventh-born child to be killed

because that one's a werewolf.

But you don't do that anymore, right, because that's crazy?

I think I know what this is.

Somebody's trying to scare us, so cut the werewolf crap.

One of you in this house is a bully and a murderer.

Somebody is trying to take money from honest, God-fearing, hardworking people.

One of you would rather terrorize us than let Mr. Parker build his harmless pipeline.

- Oh, Jesus. - One of you killed my dog.

One of you ate my husband's hand, and for what?

To save some chipmunks?

- Trish, they tried to frack up here, and they log. - Oh, Janine, shove it.

- It's no different than fracking. - You need to listen to her.

You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

You can't just buy people, Mr. Parker.

Okay, we can't say that, okay, baby? We have money, honey. Okay?

Who are we to tell these people they can't take a check?

That's exactly right. Somebody's terrorizing us to steal our damn money.

Hey, we're talking low-impact construction here, people.

I don't let people fuck with my money. That's what I don't do.

Y'all suck!

Are we really in a Mexican standoff, right now?

Baby, don't say Mexican, just standoff.

Who's the bully?

Okay. Hey, everyone. Everyone, please.

- We've got a suicide on our hands. - You got little hands, bitch.

- And my husband is dead. - I don't have little hands.

- Stop saying hands. - Pete's missing a hand.

- I'm missing a hand? - And my husband is dead.

- And also Chachi. - Hey, look, I know tensions are high, clearly,

but can we all agree to lock our guns away until we can figure this out?

Even you, Ranger?

Yeah. Yes. Even me.

Even though that defies all protocol, sure, you know,

when... when werewolves are within the house.

You got a point. I mean, Dr. Ellis is right.

Any one of us could be a suspect.

I say we put our heads together and smoke the fucker out.

You're smart. You're so smart.

Shit, y'all. Hey, Trish has the most motive here, I think.

Cuz... Yeah. You hated Pete ever since my girl Gwen fucked him.

I'm missing a hand.

First of all, that was four years ago. Also, it never happened.

This conversation is foul.

- Why would I even bite off Pete's hand? That's... - Payback.

- Well, what...? - And you, you said you were going to cut off his head.

- You actually said it. - Why don't you just admit it?

- What? You're a creep. - Your husband's a creep.

- You're the creep. - Fine.

No, I'm not a creep.

I'm a werewolf.

Maybe you're a werewolf.

You're a werewolf, you're a werewolf,

you're a werewolf, maybe we're all werewolves!

- Maybe I ate my own hand! - Ow!

You didn't eat your own hand, hon.

Uh, okay.

Yeah, look, maybe we're just a little on edge.

Frankly, I'm a bit on edge about Mrs. Sherwood.

- Yes. - Oh, my goodness. It's Sherman.

Yeah. Well, Mr. Sher man was in favor of the pipeline

coming through this stinky old inn now, wasn't he?

- That's right. - It's not stinky.

Your husband wanted to sell, and your story about him is suspect.

That's right. That's right. That's right.

Don't go easy on her, Mr. Parker,

because, you know, you forget that we found her dang husband's body

- underneath her own dang house. - Right.

- If I could just say one thing... - You know, I'm sitting here and quite honestly,

- I'm just gobsmacked. - Oh, you're gobsmacked?

By of the accusations that are flying around this room!

You know, I didn't kill my damn husband.

I'm not a damn "lycantrope," whatever.

- Lycanthrope. - Well, whatever, I am not one of those.

I'm not a cockamamie wolf.

I didn't kill my husband.

Dave said he left me because...

I let myself go.

That's crazy. You look so, so good.

- You have clothes. - I'm so sorry.

- It's a bit of a reach. - Is that why you ate him?

- Uh, if I could just say one... - What about you, Mr. Parker? Aren't we suspicious of him?

And how do we know you didn't kill Dr. Ellis?

Why am I the only one bringing that up?

Am I the only one that finds that suspicious?

The gun was in her hand, hon.

You gave her your flask. She didn't want your damn booze.

This man, he is a newcomer.

He wants our land.

He's trying to buy us out with all his money.

What's wrong with that?

- Let me just say one thing... - What about Ranger Wheeler here, and Cecily?

- I mean, they're newcomers. - Oh, whatever.

We're innocent AF, and you know it!

We blindly walked into this weird-ass horror show of a town.

Yes, sticking your nose in these people's business

with your money and your fancy booze.

- All right, I'll say it again, lady! - You are a dangerous man.

That was Royal Crown Derby.

Look, I know it's easy to get caught up in the fear of a fear situation,

but can we all just take a breath and remember

what we wanted out of this community when we moved here?

- Yeah, like... Like you, Trish. - What?

- I mean, we know that you're devastated by Chachi. - Yeah, I am.

- It really sucks. - But you made us all those...

- Soap bottle angels. - Yeah, those.

I mean, I don't know about anybody else,

but that made me feel amazing.

- I still keep mine on the mantel. - Yeah, to my dismay.

And Devon, look, I know you feel that everything bad came in with Parker,

but, you know, some of your neighbors aren't tech millionaires.

You know, a little extra money would mean a lot of them.

Well, we're not actually millionaires.

- Well... - Are we?

- Maybe. Yeah, we're rich. - Oh.

And Janine, you've been so generous in spite of all your grief.

I know it's easy to point the finger and fear each other.

At its heart, this is a community,

you know, one that agrees about more than it doesn't.

You know, hard work.

Be a good neighbor.

Warm place to meet, have a sandwich.

Love.

All I'm asking is that we remember our common...

our common humanity.

And we just hold off on being enemies till we've all had a little sleep.

Fuck that noise.

I saw what happened to Pete and I saw what happened to Dave

and I'm not gonna stick around and let that happen to me and Marcus.

- Let's go, Marcus. - Hell yeah.

It's safer out there than it is in this hellhole.

Fuck your house.

So I hope y'all dildos get eaten by a wolf.

Okay. Well, this is where I also go my own way.

I had just about enough of this town, huh?

Once again, fear and intolerance has reared its ugly head.

We are going to wait this out at home

or at least until the cops get here.

Say goodbye to your stupid craft store, Trish.

Oh, okay. Petey boy, let's get you home, hon. Come on, come on.

They're gonna get theirs, hon. They'll get theirs.

They'll get what's coming.

- They'll get what they deserve. - Ow!

Hey.

How are you going to protect yourself?

Oh, uh, got my trusty bear spray.

- Okay, good. - Yeah. All right.

Oh!

There's something in Parker's room.

I'm sorry! Oh, God. What now?

Janine, just, uh, go to your room, lock your door.

Don't come up for anybody, okay?

Okay.

- I thought he left. - Me, too.

Looks like Parker left that window open.

Hey, Finn.

Yeah?

Did you say you were at Grout Pond and Townshend?

Yeah.

Why?

Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment right now?

You seriously wanna go back to that chicken shit madhouse with those people?

Oh well, I'm sorry, babe, but sue me, okay?

You know what they say, safety in numbers.

Yeah, more like not safety in numbers.

- What was that? - It's okay. It's okay. We're okay.

Watch your step.

- Who's there? Who's there? - Who is that?

Let's go.

Hey, Cec.

What's that smell like?

Diesel.

- The generators. - The generators.

This isn't funny!

- Hey, stop fucking with us. - I'll fuck you up so hard.

- Baby, let's go. Let's go. - Shh.

Wait a minute.

What the heck is this about?

- Oh, my God. - What?

Townshend, Grout Pond, Beaverfield.

- Joaquim! - Parker's tracking the attacks.

Oh, shit.

I'm going to go check the barricade.

What was that?

You?

I know, hon.

Trish. What the fuck?

Maple tap.

It's where the sweet stuff comes out.

What?

I want my craft store.

Hey!

You're probably a bit confused.

And why is this gas guy wearing a bunch of fancy hunting gear?

I always hunted as a hobby,

but when Ellis said one of you could be a lycanthrope, a werewolf...

Well, news of this predator around the state suddenly made a whole lot of sense.

- Are you okay? Yeah. - Yeah. Are you?

Hi.

Why is that Parker dressed like a scary cowboy?

- I think I just pissed my pants. - Sorry.

We were being chased, and then we got separated from each other, but then...

Wait, are you guys... Why are you guys hiding?

Parker thinks he's hunting werewolves.

He sabotaged the generator.

- Where's Devon? - I don't know.

We were... We were together, and then we got separated,

and then I got lost, and then something's out there.

Something's out there, I think.

- I think he got him. - Where was this?

It was by Trish's house.

If I know Devon, he probably came here for safety,

so he's probably in here, right?

- Devon? - Ssh! What are you doing?

Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right. I'm sorry, I won't do that.

- Devon, baby! - Ssh!

- Joaquim, stop! - Devon! Baby, is that you?

- Hey, wait. - Baby.

Boy, you just had to be strong.

Now you're dead.

But...

Marcus?

Marcus, what the hell are you doing?

What are you doing? What am I doing?

That's easy, Ranger, what am I doing?

I taped... I taped knives to my hands, and then underneath,

it's just my hand, but it's deadly with the knives on it.

And I'm going to steal everybody's shit

and then I'm going to make it look like a werewolf did it.

Well, if you end up being the werewolf, that's a big fucking disappointment.

- Right? - Okay, Marcus, I see you have some knives.

Back off!

- That's my work shirt. - Stay back! Stay back!

Maybe I'm the werewolf, maybe you became the werewolf.

Weren't you a werewolf part-time, motherfucker? Weren't you a werewolf?

I'm the full-time werewolf, bitch.

- Is there even a werewolf? - I don't know, I don't have to answer your questions, bitch.

You little bitches can't catch a cold.

I said, don't see you, don't want to be you, now, little punk.

You guys probably are so dead right now

'cause I'm your only friend, really, if you think about it. Don't get eaten.

Marcus, let's go, brainless!

Got you, homewrecker.

- Yeah, this town's bat shit. - Let's go inside, out the back, let's go out the back, please.

She still has her tiny BB gun! Fucking bitch.

That's very rude. My house, you're trespassing.

Trespassers will be shot on command, they will be shot on sight.

No. Oh, I know another way in.

- Nobody move. - What is she, Michael Myers?

What? Wipe your feet.

See, clean. Wiped.

Super, they're so clean, right?

Listen, back up! Just keep moving back.

- Come on. Watch where you're going. - Hey.

Happy family, line up, line up.

You people do not belong here.

You don't belong in this town,

in this house, and you sure as Shinola

don't get to tell me what to do with my property.

Trish, did you do something to my husband?

- Did you kill Devon? - Oh, I don't care what you do in your own home.

Your little husband should have kept his nose in his own beeswax,

and you all should've let Mr. Parker build his pipe... Peter!

Peter!

What did you do? Peter, no.

- You killed Peter. - You killed my husband.

Is she okay?

She's okay.

Trish?

Let's leave, please.

Okay, Ranger, put on your ranger hat, what are we doing?

All right. Well, we're going to take Marcus' truck

as far as we can, uh, you know, maybe fi... Ugh! Sorry, Marcus.

- Sorry, Marcus. - And find some snowshoes, and get the heck off this mountain.

- Dude loves snowshoes. - Well, it's the oldest,

most effective means of traversing ice and snow... Oh, God!

- Is that...? - Parker.

Why is he you hunting? Why are you hunting us?

Ssh! I don't know. You know?

Cec was the youngest of seven, you guys are blocking his pipeline,

and I'm the pain in the ass sent to give him a hard time.

So he could be hunting any of us.

But it's not any of us, 'cause none of us has seen any actual evidence of a werewolf.

- Finn. - No, yeah, good point.

Ellis was taking all those hair samples with that machine thing. I mean, science, am I right?

It's just, something doesn't add up.

Joaquim, what are you doing, man?

She's a seventh born.

I mean you said it your goddamn self, Ranger, didn't you? Okay?

We're not crazy. Okay. We're not crazy.

- Kinda...! - No, we're not, okay?!

You're the fucking werewolf! Okay? She's the werewolf, okay?

- So we have to... - Please put the gun down, okay?

I can't, okay?! I can't!

- Because I live in Argentina, the seventh born is a werewolf! - It's just superstition!

Shut the fuck up, girl, I love you so much, I have to kill your ass.

I know it's been a long, long day.

I know, right?

Maybe just put the gun down because...

Ow.

Finn, what do we do?! What do we do now?!

Okay.

Start the truck.

- Finn, it won't start! - Try again!

I'm fucking trying!

Let's go, darling.

Fight me, come on.

Family of four, mauled to death in Townshend.

Couple of college kids mangled in Grout Pond,

all around the same time that you were there.

Then you came to Beaverfield.

Yeah, you put yourself in charge, you discovered Dave,

now that's a... that's a bit obvious, don't you think there, Ranger?

Finn, what's he talking about?

Come on, Cec.

- He sabotaged the generator. - No, that was you, Ranger.

See, I found a diesel-drenched knife in your room.

I... We found that in your room, it's not possible.

I don't know what to believe.

You pitted this community against itself

with your promises, your money.

You brought out the worst of these people.

There's no animal on a killing spree.

There's no monster.

The only monster here is you.

Maybe you're right.

Well, better safe than sorry.

No!

- Finn! Finn, look out. - Cecily, are you okay?

Finn!

Eat some silver!

Yes! Yes! Finn! Get up!

Finn!

Excuse me, Mr. Parker.

Your pipeline is trash.

Fuck.

That was really fucked up.

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Hmm. Power is back.

Ooh, that's not good.

Oh, my God, Finn. Okay, come on, we got to get you inside, let's go, let's go.

- Come on. Come on. - Oh.

Oh, this is much worse than I thought.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. You know what?

- I'm gonna go get the first aid kit, okay? - Okay, I'm dying, I think.

No, you're not going to die. You're not going to die.

Hey, can you promise me that you're not going to die?

'Cause it would probably traumatize me for the rest of my life.

And also, 'cause I, um... I really like you,

and I, um... I'm very grateful that you saved my life,

so you're not going to die, okay? Okay?

- Okay, Say, "okay." Say, okay. Okay. Okay. - Okay. Okay.

Okay, I'm going to see if the phones are back up.

You know, nothing's going to get down that mountain but a snowplow.

Just need that starter fuel injector I ordered.

It's you, isn't it?

- Were you even in a punk band? - Yeah.

We just didn't actually break up, though.

- You ate them. - I ate them. Yes.

Oh, come on, Finn, didn't I seem a little too good to be true?

No.

You seemed great.

Oh, no, Finn, help me. What do we do now? The car won't start.

Finn, Sam Parker has me by the hair. That's great?

Don't yell at me.

That's not yelling. That's taking a tone.

This is yelling.

- You're really a... - Werewolf.

Yeah.

Werewolves are real.

Women who raid Walden while drinking kombucha,

and getting turned on by your Yellowstone stories, they're a fantasy.

- Hello? - You killed Dave.

I needed an outfit.

There can only be one postal worker.

It was really a districting thing.

You ate Trish's dog.

My baby.

And you ate Pete, his hand.

I was attacked!

Some men do this thing when they want to guide you,

where they put their hand on your lower back.

I hate that.

- Cecily, the mailman. - No, thank you.

- Should've bitten off both hands. - Why couldn't you just hunt?

Which is a brilliant idea, you think I didn't try that?

I did. It was exhausting, but Beaverfield is perfect.

There's lots of festering resentments,

made all the spicier way by this pipeline drama.

I don't let people fuck with my money.

All I had to do was plant a tiny little doggy's collar...

Emerson killed Chachi.

...spread a couple of rumors.

I found a diesel-drenched knife in your room.

Everyone else just took care of themselves with their fear,

and greed, and their own petty nature.

I mean, I'm going to eat them later,

and I knew there'd be that snowstorm but that road blockage,

mm, baby, just...

Hmm. You almost blew up my shit, though, you know that, right?

I kept trying to turn you into one of them, but you're pathological.

And what is my pathology exactly?

You're too fucking nice with your kumbaya speeches

and your small town, "Gee, golly goodness." Blow me.

This town is full of two-faced assholes and you know it.

You're a monster.

Girl's got to eat, and I got dinner on ice until spring.

What?

You mock me for being nice.

This whole time, you've been mocking me for being nice,

but... but you know what?

I got to tell you, I'm a nice person, all right? I'm considerate.

I'm compassionate. I care. People want me to change, but there's nothing wrong with me.

I'm a nice person who wants to do nice things for other people

and have nice people do things for other people. You know?

Sorry, I got to tell you, it's fucking okay to be nice.

Pardon my language, it's effing okay to be nice.

How's that for... for, you know, kumbaya bullshit?

Well, in a dog-eat-dog world,

you could be nice, or you could be me.

Heavens. Oh, fuck.

Cecily?

Emerson, what are you doing here?

Being a good neighbor, you know, like Mr. Rogers.

I just...

Oh!

Oh, no!

Oh!

Wolves.

Hey, all right!

Oh, shit!

Whoa!

What?

What?

Give me a hand, will you?

Thanks.

You all right?

You saved my life.

Yeah, well.

I like what you said back in my cabin about, uh, community.

That was, uh, nice.

You hungry?

Starving.

You think Jeanine's still alive?

Maybe.

She could make us a sandwich.

Make your own damn sandwich.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull