Original subtitles

Noble sir.

With my beauty so fair, surely I have already enchanted thee.

Fair maiden.

If thou have already enchanted me,

it must mean I yearn only for thy bosom.

That can't be what you want!

I suggest you change into a turtleneck sweater

to show off your beauty within.

What I want is precisely a man not enchanted by my beauty,

and truly cares about me.

Noble sir.

I shall change into a turtleneck sweater right now.

-Goodness! -Goodness!

-That's the kind of man we want to be! -That's the kind of man we want to be!

What are you doing? Messing around?

Your hair and makeup are not even done.

Go and find the lovely Ms. Fang.

I'm Wei Hung-jen.

I majored in drama at university.

All my teachers said that I will be a star someday.

I expect to work my way up

in the entertainment industry from an extra to a bit part actor,

to a supporting actor, and to a lead actor.

A slow and steady rise to superstardom.

I want to become an outstanding actor

so that my girlfriend would be proud of me.

Wake up! Stop dreaming.

You're just not destined to be a star.

If you really can't make it,

won't you consider another path?

Seaweed.

I don't want seaweed and tofu soup

to continue showing up on my feeds.

Ma'am. Check, please.

Ma'am, the check.

Ma'am?

Poor thing.

Ma'am.

Ma'am!

Ma'am, where are you?

Ma'am, the check.

What a babe.

I've been staring at her for days, but she just ignores us.

Hung-jen, want to try your luck?

She's the lead.

We're just extras.

Maybe in the future.

Hey!

Hey, you lot!

You!

Are you here for naps and free food?

You guys really look like you came from ancient times to kill people, you know?

So dark.

So spooky.

Sir, we actually haven't eaten yet.

I see.

So this one speaks.

Why don't you work in a circus?

The male lead is in a rush to leave today.

How would I find the time to feed the pigs?

All right.

The male lead has a fight scene.

Who hasn't been on camera today?

Yi-min, later on, say, "Yield and live. Fight and die."

-Okay. -Then you say, "I won't give in to you."

Okay, prepare to shoot!

Sir, no rehearsals?

Rehearse my ass!

Let's shoot!

OLD CHINESE CITY

Action!

Yield and live.

Fight and die.

I won't--

Cut!

Yi-min, you're done for the day.

Here's a bit of money for some good food.

-Here. -Thank you, sir.

-Thank you, sir. -Okay.

-Thanks a lot, sir. -Don't waste it.

Thank you, sir.

Cheng.

I had a line today.

Don't I get a bit more?

What bloody line did you say today?

"I won't give in to you."

You're damn right I won't give in to you!

Did you finish saying your line?

"I won't--"

Not quite.

Then your pay should be the same as everybody else's.

No, Cheng. That wasn't the original plan.

I think you're actually a smart guy.

It's a waste to be an extra.

You're arguing with me over 200NTD.

You're so pitiful.

There's a vacancy in the crew.

I'll recommend you.

You can earn a fixed salary every month.

How about that?

Thanks, Cheng.

But I still prefer to be an actor.

As Stephen Chow once said,

"If a person doesn't have a dream, how is he any different from salted fish?"

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WEDDING.

Thank you.

She's beautiful.

How did he manage to get her?

What exactly is your number?

Guess.

Guess? Just tell me.

Fine, it's 738.

738.

Okay, I've saved it.

Remember to call me first.

Why?

My fortune-teller told me that my future wife is more proactive than me.

Are you crazy?

Remember to be the first to call.

-Wei Hung-jen. -Jun.

Long time no see.

I have to get going.

Get going? You're already here.

Shit, man.

Did you get this suit on sale at the superstore?

I'll go home to change.

Come check this out.

Did we help Bao score a hot wife or what?

You guys helped Bao…

I was wondering how he managed to do it.

Of course, he couldn't have!

He couldn't have done it without us.

Come take a look and you'll know.

Goodness.

Is she looking at something or what?

Her heart is no longer at her table.

Where is it then?

Here with me.

Damn.

It's true.

I got this.

Hey!

You guys remember this performer?

Damn it. You're still around?

When bullies from another school were beating us up,

this guy pretended to a mobster and saved us.

Right.

I had never been beaten up at that time, so I was naive.

That's strange. How come you didn't join the entertainment industry?

What are you up to now?

I'm very thankful.

I already own two factories in Vietnam.

Awesome!

Jun, what about you?

Me? I'm a TV producer.

You're that good?

He's okay. I think I'm more impressive.

What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?

-Or have you married already? -Well, I…

Married? I haven't had a girlfriend in a while.

I can tell from the vibe he gives off that it has been a long time since he…

You guys haven't changed a bit.

How did Bao do it?

He hit the jackpot.

He has a beautiful bride.

-Kiss. -Kiss.

He hit the jackpot!

-Kiss. -Kiss.

They kissed, just like that.

How did you guys help Bao?

Do you believe that I can make a girl kiss you

even in a place like this?

Are you kidding me?

Opportunities exist all the time.

All the time.

Are you ready?

-Ready! -Ready!

Three, two, one.

Goodness. Why did the bouquet land in a man's hands?

Come up.

In that case, this gentleman may make a request.

Whoever can fulfill it will be the lucky girl who will get the bouquet.

What is your request?

What request would I have?

A kiss.

One kiss, and you can bring home the bouquet.

Who wants it?

Hey!

One kiss, in exchange for future marital bliss.

Hey! Not even one kiss?

Is he really that bad?

Does he stink?

If even that didn't work, it's really not our problem.

As soon as girls smell our anxiety, they become heartless.

Do you keep yourself away from women because of your struggling career?

-Struggling career? -We see you on TV occasionally.

Do you know why you can't land good roles? You're not popular with the ladies.

Popularity with them means popularity with the audience.

Have you ever seen a leading man who isn't popular with the ladies?

I had lots of good roles back in university.

Nonsense.

You paid tuition, of course, they'd give you roles.

Now, it's up to the audience.

Becoming more popular with the ladies will surely help your career.

Given your current condition, if you meet a girl you like,

regardless if she's aware that you're nervous or not,

pretend to be brave first.

Be more assertive.

That's the only way

she'll notice you.

Let's go to the karaoke bar.

That girl in the red dress earlier invited us.

I have an early start tomorrow.

And my singing is terrible.

Fine. After you think things through, we'll take you to meet some girls.

Why are you trying to help me?

It has been years since we last saw each other.

To me, you're an A-lister in making people happy.

You more or less inspired us to become as popular as we are now.

You deserve to be liked by a lot of girls.

What do you think? Did I seem very sincere?

You‘re the king of bullshit!

Room 188. You're welcome to join us.

Can you stop singing already?

Even if I am just doing the logistics for musical instruments,

singing has always been my interest and dream.

It's good to have a dream.

But at least, have a plan.

What's the use of singing randomly wherever you feel like it?

You're wrong.

Last week, I was helping a customer move.

And because I sang as I worked, he discovered my beautiful voice.

It just so happens that he works at the National Concert Hall,

so he set up an audition for me.

Don't be so sad.

Be like me.

I sang happily,

and the doors of the National Concert Hall opened for me.

Damn it.

Who rented this manual truck?

How do I park this?

So annoying.

Hey, you.

Your CV is not bad and the director recommended you.

Every film crew is different.

Being a part of my crew is extra hard.

I still need to be sure that you can handle the job.

Cheng.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, but with the salary you're offering,

I doubt you're being flooded with applications.

How can you say that?

Then why are you here?

I'm applying to study overseas.

The director said if I do this, he'd write a letter of recommendation for me.

Letter of recommendation?

How is that my business?

Cheng.

You'll burn the clutch that way.

So, sir,

did I pass the test?

Bad news.

The budget has been cut again.

Pung-pung and Ding Man.

You guys get to stay.

The rest of you can stay home until further notice.

You may leave after lunch.

Before lunch is fine too.

Okay. Mealtime.

-Time to eat. -Let's eat first.

Cheng, is having only two extras enough?

Have you got foreskin blocking your ears?

The budget has been cut!

But Cheng, haven't you seen my performance lately?

Do you know that you're really annoying?

The crew is missing an errand boy.

You can do that for now.

And if we need any extras, you can step right in.

Okay?

This is your final chance!

Cheng, but that means that I'll just be part of the crew.

-Someone is looking down on the crew! -Wait, no! Cheng.

Cheng, I'm not.

I'll do it.

I'm even worried that you can't handle it!

Go report to the film crew!

If you think it's too hard,

go eat shit.

And don't come back tomorrow.

This scene is very important. It's…

Can you stop moving around?

Can't you see that I'm going through the scene?

Okay. All the best.

They've written this part a hundred times, changed it, then wrote it again.

Let's get ready!

Get ready!

Lower the boom mic.

Lower.

Lower the boom mic more.

Yes. Lower. Don't be scared.

Don't be scared. Lower it more.

Girl, open your mouth and put the boom mic in.

Are you stupid?

Stop laughing! This is serious!

The boom was in the frame from the start.

The boom operator needs to watch the monitor, okay?

Do you know what a monitor is?

Okay. Now, you can laugh.

What are you doing?

Fang

My dear Fang

Pop.

Pop?

Where are you from? Do you know who you are?

I'm the makeup artist.

You're not the makeup artist

You are my crush

It seems like he's using the budget savings to chase girls.

Forget it.

Just tell Cheng that you quit.

I know.

Excuse me. Fang wants to change your makeup.

You are…

I'm the new assistant director. My name is Hui-hsin.

Goodness!

-What a pretty little lady! -Such a sexy body, such delicate skin!

Let me touch you.

-I really want to cop a feel! -Feel…

Okay, go ahead.

Hurry up.

Cop a feel, then go do your makeup.

You're the new sound recordist.

Before we start shooting each scene, go to the director's monitor first

to check the scope of the frame.

That way, you'll know how close the mic can be to the actors.

Bring in the light.

Wait. Shine it on the center.

Come to my restaurant when you're free.

My treat.

When I first joined the entertainment industry,

I had no idea how long I would last.

I thought I'd invest in a restaurant instead.

But I ended up playing lead roles for over a decade.

Hey, you.

You know how to use the boom mic now?

I need to teach him until he knows.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Sure, let's talk later.

Your name is…

Hung-jen?

You know the scope of the frame now?

These directional mics are a bit different,

so you must follow the actor closely.

If I turn to the side, doesn't the volume go down?

If I take a step forward…

No matter what happens,

never let the mic get in the frame.

I was working.

The hours are long, and you can't take phone calls.

Can't you find another job?

Last time, you told your dad

that you want to study screenwriting overseas,

he came home and told me off!

Mom, you…

Why are you calling me?

Do I need a reason to call you?

You were born beautiful because of my genes.

Not only are you unappreciative, but you're also impatient too!

What a waste!

I don't know what you're trying to say.

Pretty girls can't just work all day.

When was the last time you went on a date?

Jeez!

Back when I was your age, our family was already rushing me to…

Thank you for teaching me today.

There's no need to thank me.

You're not quitting, are you?

What makes you think that I'm quitting?

Those who have never worked behind the scenes

usually quit after the first day.

I never said that I was quitting.

I'll be here tomorrow.

And the day after tomorrow.

And the day after that too.

And the day…

-Yes. -Okay.

Hopefully, I will really see you here every day.

You must come back tomorrow.

Angel, your eyes look quite familiar to me.

You're a Pisces.

How did you know?

All Pisces have very seductive and special eyes.

Right, Hung-jen?

Yes, Pisces.

Pisces have this trait.

Wait…

Wait a bit more.

Okay.

Have you forgotten what we were just talking about?

Because Pisces… Because fish have…

A bad memory.

Because fish only have a seven-second memory. Right?

We won't join you this time.

Let's catch up another day.

Okay. Keep in touch.

Don't go.

Don't go.

No good?

They're just okay.

They both use filters on their online photos way too much.

That won't do.

You don't like them?

Then what were you doing in the bar earlier?

Getting to know each other.

But once we get to know them, they're just…

-Just okay. -Yes.

But you guys were acting all…

You guys are blowing my mind.

You're the one blowing my mind.

What did you say?

Fish only have a seven-second memory?

What the hell was that?

You'd better forget all those crappy jokes online

and things only losers would say.

Girls won't go home with you because of that.

I think it's an issue of attitude.

Don't be afraid of failure and then go beg for the approval of girls.

They won't buy that.

Be someone who can spread happiness.

Just be yourself.

You need a lot of practice to relax.

What kind of practice?

Starting today,

you must proactively talk to women around you.

I mean any woman.

The point isn't to ask for their number or WeChat or something.

Just pure chit-chat.

Sir, want to dine in? Or would you like to sample our beer?

Your uniform is very nice.

It won't fit you.

Don't worry, she just misunderstood you.

The next opportunity is just around the corner.

Do you come here for coffee often?

Not really.

I think I've seen you here once.

So?

And? So what?

It's probably that time of the month. She didn't feel well.

Forgive her.

You'll get used to it after you get more rejections.

Where are we going?

Some weirdo is coming to talk to me.

I've been waiting for half an hour already.

It's really hot!

Are you coming or not?

That guy is so weird! He won't leave!

There's no shade around here!

It's her, not you.

You should stay as far away from these vicious types as possible.

I'm serious.

Kuan-chi is really good at magic.

He can do all of Lu Chen's tricks.

Last time, he even made a girl's panty disappear.

Amazing.

-Put it wherever you want. -Here!

You're so good at inserting things.

All right. Here! Do you see that?

A lot of cards have the numbers facing up.

It's a set of phone numbers.

Pick up your phone.

-My phone? -Yes. Call this number.

The person who answers will tell you which card you chose.

-Goodness. -How is that possible?

Are you calling home to ask your mom?

There's a coin here. What's going on here?

Put the coin behind the cloth, and it turns into a beer.

-How ridiculous. Here. -How did he do that?

-Another bottle. -Amazing!

Hello?

You chose five of hearts.

Does it mean that you love me a lot?

Hey! That was your number?

Wait, you could have just told me directly!

But then I wouldn't have your number.

Impressive.

Is he willing to teach me?

You mean him?

Of course.

Let me tell you.

You're like a sponge right now.

You have to absorb everything.

Anything you learn may come in handy in the future.

You try.

I got pissed off and divorced him!

In the past, I only had to clean his shit.

Now, I have to clean the shit of all men.

Miss.

You'll meet a man who cares about you.

Like me.

I'll just hold it in.

Hold it in?

Then you'd be full of shit!

Yes.

Observe what they need first.

Only when their emotional needs are met

will your interactions start becoming positive.

-Okay. -What a heartbreaker.

Thank you. Okay.

I don't want to act anymore.

Little Apple, act well.

I'll take you out for cake and pearl milk tea later, okay?

No. I'm on a diet right now.

They are so high in calories. Are you trying to make me fat?

Little Apple, your mom said that you love acting.

Yes.

But I just found out that I'm not being paid for it,

so I don't want to do it anymore.

Okay.

You talk like an adult, so I'm going to treat you like one.

Your mom, who is also your agent,

already agreed that you're doing this for free.

Never mind that you don't cherish this opportunity,

you're also making everyone wait for you.

Think about how your mom would face us later.

Hey.

Can you relax a little when you speak?

If you speak this way, how will your boyfriend be able to stand you?

No, wait.

You probably can't get a boyfriend, right?

Do you believe that I can tear your head off with my arm?

Come here.

You can't talk to kids that way.

The director has already lost his patience.

He's the one that will tear your head off later.

No, Cheng. Give me two more minutes.

This kid is horrendous.

What are we waiting for?

Mealtime?

-Just two more minutes. -You can all eat animal food!

You're on your own.

-Okay? -What are we waiting for?

How did you do it? Teach me.

Go finish your scenes and your big brother will teach you, okay?

You're more like an uncle.

I'm a big brother.

How old are you?

Is that important?

Do you have any other tricks?

What? You want to see other tricks?

Okay. Let me think.

I made this brush appear.

Now, I can brush away my stubbles.

Big brother who looks like an uncle, you're amazing!

-You have to promise to teach me later. -I promise.

-Pinky swear. -Pinky swear.

Okay.

Go on.

Let's go, miss.

Are we waiting for the sky to turn dark?

Thank you.

Come on. The director is furious.

You.

Everyone is on set already.

What are you doing?

You think we have nothing better to do?

Stay behind later and clean everything up.

-Hey. -Then take out the trash!

Take yourself out too! Why?

Because you're trash too!

What?

Very good, Little Apple.

You got all your lines right.

Hey, Hung-jen.

She's a better actor than you.

Hui-hsin.

-Yes. -You found this little girl?

-Yes. -Not bad.

You're good.

You should learn from her more.

Don't think you're so great because you're holding the boom mic in that costume.

Do you want to hold the boom mic or act?

Figure it out.

Okay? What a lunatic.

You're incredible.

You got it in no time.

-There's a key to this trick. -Okay.

Make sure that it's vertical when it pops out.

Good job, Hui-hsin. Nice one.

How did you get that kid to cooperate?

Cheng, it wasn't me. It was Hung-jen.

You know that I'm…

I'm no longer young.

And Fang, she is…

She's no longer a young woman.

I was thinking, if…

Perhaps…

If--

You want to know how to make Fang like you.

Are you a mind reader?

Cheng, even though you usually act like a jerk,

I know you actually have a good heart.

I think you should show your gentle side more.

Or let her know that you're actually capable of helping people.

I think that'll make you seem super manly.

Yes, that's the way.

Hey, Mr. Magician.

What are you doing here?

Cheng thinks you might not be able to finish this alone, so he told me to help.

He had a bit of humanity left in him then.

I guess I can't give up on him just yet.

You're really working in the film crew because you like acting?

I know it's funny.

I'm not laughing at you.

Unless you can't act.

Hey.

Of course, I can act.

Is that so?

Hey! Stop pushing! You keep pushing me.

Well…

Why is the ground getting so…

That was quite different.

Let's try another one.

Seeing your girlfriend holding another guy's hand on the street.

What?

Why? Every drama series has this scene.

Why aren't you reacting with anger?

Because when it happened to me, I didn't react with anger.

It really happened to you?

Tell me about it.

It's too embarrassing.

I thought good actors never get embarrassed.

Go home if you're embarrassed.

Fine.

My ex-girlfriend and I had been together since my college days.

After I started working, I realized that guys my age

who are better than me are everywhere.

I started feeling that she might leave me,

so I didn't put much effort into the relationship.

Later…

Before she officially broke up with me, I found out that she had someone new.

Perhaps her decision was the best for both of us.

Very good!

What?

I also want to show a different side of myself in front of others,

but I'm a little scared.

Showing such a fragile and useless side of oneself to others

is not something everyone can do.

I can't do it.

I think she seems a bit concerned about me.

But I often get frustrated talking to her.

That's normal.

All pretty girls have a layer of defense around them.

You can't imagine how many guys she needs to reject daily.

But she still wants to date guys, right?

Of course.

But you must take down the layer of defense first.

-What should I do? -Challenge her.

Make a bet, play a game, or compete with her.

After you divert her attention,

she will forget her high and mighty disguise.

Actually, a lot of pretty girls ignore us because we put them on a pedestal.

They're afraid to disappoint us.

Once she knows that you dare to challenge her,

you start becoming more attractive.

Not just the layer of defense, even her bra will be removed!

All lines are engaged.

We are a triple threat indeed.

It's true.

Since when did you become a home shopping host?

I'm a man of many talents.

There is no job I can't handle.

From hospitals to courts,

from patisseries to columbaria,

from botanical gardens to zoos,

I've done it all.

Want to see an elephant?

I've seen too many Asian elephants. I prefer seeing African elephants now.

You've been doing well lately.

It's all thanks to your guidance. Otherwise, I'd be begging on the streets.

That's true.

Actually, your situation has been constantly on my mind.

I really want to help you.

Cheng, you mean…

Right. You've got a role.

A role with lines.

That's right!

I got it for you.

For real?

Thank you, Cheng.

Thank you. Thank…

Cheng.

What are you looking at?

Are you having a stroke? You're having a stroke, aren't you?

-You're having a stroke, Cheng! -Who says I'm having a stroke?

My health check was off the charts!

Hurry, go get…

Go get into your costume.

Find the costume designer.

Go!

Cheng.

You must be healthy.

Thank you, Cheng.

Thank you.

Sometimes, giving youngsters more opportunities

is actually the right thing to do.

Looks like I should give someone more opportunities too.

Go!

Go and never come back!

Why did you let him hold your hand?

How can you take such a stupid scene so seriously?

Sir, how was that? Was it okay?

Nice. Not bad.

I don't even know how to scold you.

I think this scene is quite meaningful.

Are we close?

What the hell do you know?

You've finished the scene. You're part of the crew again.

Hui-hsin.

Regarding that recommendation letter that you asked me about,

I've thought about it.

Is that a yes?

Of course it's good to study screenwriting abroad.

Before you go, I want you to write a story for me first.

A love story. Yes.

Just an outline is fine.

And if I think it's okay, I'll help you.

Why? You want me to write one before I study it.

It doesn't make sense.

I want to see if you have the talent.

Why does it have to be a love story then?

Can't I write something else?

That's what I like.

That's what the audience likes!

Listen, not this type of story.

I want contemporary, urban types.

Writing love stories is perfect for girls.

Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can write love stories.

Get this straight.

You're asking me for a favor, not the other way around.

Or do you lack imagination when it comes to romance?

Do you?

So you've never dated before?

Change the setup! Let's do the next scene.

Good boy.

How come you didn't invite me to eat with you?

There's still a little left, you can have some.

That's okay, I'm not hungry.

Are you worried about that outline you have to write for the director?

It shouldn't be too hard for you.

Okay, why don't you try writing it?

I take that back. It should be quite hard.

Bye.

Love stories need romantic plots.

But I want to write realistic stories that I can believe in.

You can look for inspiration in your personal experiences.

Most love stories are very ordinary.

Share a meal, watch a movie…

It's hard to conceptualize an interesting story.

Unless I can experience a movie-like romance for myself,

otherwise…

I doubt I can write anything decent.

Then…

If we pretend to go on a date,

it might help you find inspiration.

The purpose is simply to help you finish the outline.

What?

Dare to try it?

-What? -Dare to try it?

Do you dare to… You know…

This is quite like a movie's plot.

This is the movie plot of a tool.

Not making your true intentions clear,

using the excuse of helping her to get close to her.

You are a tool.

She probably just agreed to go out with me so she can get the recommendation letter.

Just treat it as practice.

Scout out some fun places.

You can take other girls there in the future.

That's not bad either.

This book makes sense.

I failed with a lot of girls who liked me

because I didn't give them a sense of security.

Babe alert.

Now, you have to let her sense that you're watching her.

Imagine that you are 007.

Confident, charismatic, and a little dangerous.

But she's facing the other way.

She will sense it.

Use your will to attract her.

She really looked over.

I know her.

I asked her out and stood her up both times.

Why?

I had better options, of course.

Reading How We Love?

You don't even have basic respect for women.

I'm sorry.

I was wrong.

Harder.

Not so loud, I'm begging you.

I was immature.

Look.

Can't you see that I'm reading books now so I can learn to be mature?

Forgive me.

Let me take you out to a nice meal. Okay?

Pinky swear.

You'd better not stand me up again.

Sir!

Please show some restraint!

This isn't a night club!

Even in night clubs, you can't just touch girls like this!

I'm already screaming so loud,

-yet you're still touching me! -Don't act this way.

That's your punishment.

Now, I have to get her.

Are you a deviant?

"The woman's voice is even louder than his,

'I'm the one making all the money now.

You wouldn't be here without me.'

That's what men are most afraid to hear."

A lot of guys might think that reading this kind of book

is very emasculating.

But it's precisely that kind of attitude that most of our lives

are spent playing video games and masturbate to…

You know what I mean.

Yes.

That should be my mindset right now.

It's better if we don't go on a date.

What?

Why?

Simply going on a few dates isn't going to help me write a love story.

I'm afraid we'll just be wasting each other's time.

No.

This is a wonderful idea.

You can just tell me the things you like and the things you don't like.

I'll also do my best to adjust myself to your preferences.

That'll be exhausting for you.

And what will you get out of it?

You'll be like a teacher to me.

Guys often have no idea

what's going on when a girl rejects them.

Perhaps by the time you finish your outline,

I will have become a dating expert.

What?

Dating expert.

-Dating-- -What?

Dating…

Dating expert. Just a little bit.

I reserve the right to end it at any time.

Sure, whatever you want.

That won't do.

Girls don't like submissive guys.

Have you decided where to go?

I'll be brutally frank.

This one is not exciting and this one is not fun.

You might as well let me decide.

This is way too exciting and fun!

I can't do it anymore.

Are you okay?

You're not done for the day, are you?

Are you kidding? I felt like that thing was too slow.

Then, let's try them all.

Wait for a second!

Your story needs more dialogue.

We could chat about your personality,

likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses,

and so on.

How about going to that fast food joint over there?

I don't really like analyzing myself.

Dating is about completely opening yourself up.

If you don't have the courage, even if someone reaches out,

nothing will come out of it.

You memorized that from a book?

Yes.

I'm a bit independent, and…

I don't like being embarrassed.

When I was little, there was a glass wall at my school.

I walked straight into it because it was too clear.

I then decided to run into it again

so that people would think I was just trying to be funny.

Food photos, selfies,

and uploading injury photos upon getting hurt.

Instead of doing these things, I prefer to live in the moment.

Give me your phone. I want to take a photo of you.

A photo of us together? Yes.

Good memories on a date need to be captured.

You can take it, but I can only be in the background.

-The angle… -That's enough!

WAHAHA WATER TANK

Is he okay?

There's no one lining up.

I think he's going to lose it.

Help him out, give him some business.

You want to dunk me in the water?

It might not be you.

Let's play rock, paper, scissors.

Let's do it again.

There's no need.

You can just stand a bit farther when throwing the ball.

Goodness.

You're so far back. You must have a lot of confidence in yourself.

That's really far!

It was an accident! I wasn't even aiming!

You're despicable! How can you even say that?

This is what we'll do.

Let's switch, you can throw five balls!

You're so arrogant.

Fine, your turn. I'm going to destroy you!

She'll destroy you!

-That's pathetic. -That's pathetic.

-That's pathetic. -I'm good, let me do it.

No, I've only got one ball left.

It's my last chance at revenge.

Can you relax a bit? How can your boyfriend stand you?

-Yes! Who would be able to stand her? -That's right.

Hey, can I let him do it for me?

-Yes! -Yes!

Kids!

One ball each, okay?

-Yes! -Yes!

You can't get me!

I was with your mom last night.

Actually, I'm your biological--

Where did you come from? Why are your aims so good?

You're so unlucky.

Everyone had a great time earlier.

You don't mind being so embarrassed?

Hey, my bus is here.

I'm going in the opposite direction. I'll go ahead.

Shouldn't the guy say something special to the girl right now?

What?

Can't think of anything? All right.

Wait.

Hey.

Wait!

Hey.

Hey!

This is quite romantic.

Sir, don't stop yet.

Keep driving first.

Hey!

Speed up a bit.

Hey!

Can't you hear me?

Hey, I'm yelling really loudly!

Hey!

-Okay, you can stop now. -Wait!

What is it?

When I was changing clothes earlier,

I lost my wallet.

And my phone's out of battery.

Can you lend me some money for the ride home?

I'm overwhelmed by love when I see cats and dogs,

so I look after a few strays at home.

Goodness, you're such a nice guy.

Indeed.

I didn't expect an A-lister like him

would do a cameo for our low-budget production.

Regardless if I'm an A or a B-lister,

one call from Cheng and I'll crawl here if I have to.

Cheng?

Cheng looked after me when I started out.

If I didn't perform well, he would scold me too,

but it's only because he knew that I could do better.

There were even tears in his eyes.

-Really? -Yes.

So don't judge him by how he seems.

He has a sharp tongue but a good heart.

A tender but tough guy.

He's a good man!

Hey.

Stop embarrassing me.

Stop it, showtime.

-Right, showtime. -Showtime.

Cheng.

He looks good in purple.

Not many people can pull off purple.

Yes. No wonder he's an A-lister.

Hung-jen, I need to thank you.

If you hadn't dragged me to that book store,

I wouldn't have run into Qiu-qiu again.

And I wouldn't have understood the beauty of love.

Traitor!

Qiu-qiu makes me want to be a better man.

When I become a better man, I'll love her even more.

Hung-jen.

You need to think about how to make Hui-hsin

feel like you're a man who can help her grow.

If you can do that, maybe she'll start having feelings for you.

Bullshit!

If you want to get laid, the quickest way is to take her

partying.

Give her a couple of drinks and she'll dare to do anything.

I'm holding a party this weekend.

It would definitely be fun.

Sexy dancing competition.

Lip-synching competition.

Bring her.

Liberate that little girl.

All four girls are ready on stage.

What about you?

Let me hear you scream!

What do you think?

Not too weird?

I feel like lots of people are staring at me.

That's because they think you're pretty.

I guess they have good taste.

However, pretty girls shouldn't be stuck in long lines.

I told my friend already.

He's coming to get me, but--

Don't nightclub bouncers let pretty girls go in first?

I wonder if it's true.

Ask for her number, hurry.

Hey!

Do you mind?

I'm standing right here!

Let's go.

We were invited today.

This way, please.

One VIP female guest.

This is the VIP entrance.

Average Joes have to line up from the back.

He was also invited.

His friend is the organizer.

Average Joes have to line up.

You should be able to get in before the party is over.

Average Joe?

He's a VIP. His friend is the organizer.

Why don't you take a proper look?

Why are you wearing sunglasses at night?

Can you even see anything this way?

That's fine.

I'll give my friend another call.

Wait.

Did you play a drunkard on television?

You've seen it?

Was my acting okay?

I see lots of drunkards at this job.

Your performance is the most convincing and most annoying one.

Go on in.

Thank you.

Qiu-qiu, solo!

She can really dance.

Amazing.

Keep dancing.

Go away! Get back!

Qiu-qiu!

Jun has lost his mind, right?

Amazing, right?

My goddess is my dancing queen!

You're amazing. You don't get stage fright even with a crowd.

It's because I've got Jun cheering me on.

See?

Even now, she gives me all the credit.

How can I not love her?

Come. Let's have a toast.

Cheers!

-Cheers! -Cheers!

Let's celebrate that someone recognized me.

Sure. That's quite worth celebrating.

You're the best.

Do you want one?

Okay, feed me.

I want that one.

Do you want me to eat the chicken or kiss you?

-Both. -I don't sell tofu

Tofu tofu

What I learn at school is called kungfu

-Kungfu kungfu -That doesn't count as lip-synching.

The microphone keeps blocking his mouth.

Who knows what he's doing?

Isn't the point of the competition to make people think that he's the one singing?

He's fine.

He's great at hyping up the crowd.

He has won first place many times in this competition.

Is that so?

I reckon I lip-sync better than him at karaoke bars.

How about this?

Get up there and try.

Show him how it's done.

No way. There are so many people here.

All right. It seems like we've got

-our winner here today! -Give it a shot!

-I'll be your backup dancer. -Who will it be?

If you're really better than him, you ought to get on stage.

-Norman! -Norman!

-Are you scared? -Norman!

-We won't force you if you are! -Norman!

-You're 30 already, right? -Norman!

-You're an old woman now. -Norman!

-Why are you so shy? -Norman!

-Norman! -Norman!

Good, very good!

-If there are no more challengers, -I'll do it.

-our champion tonight is-- -Wait!

What's the matter?

We want to do the challenge!

This is our first lip-sync battle with a female contestant.

And this…

This stud.

Is there a reason you're up here?

I believe that she will win, so I'm here to be her backup dancer.

Very confident!

Very good!

Miss, what song are you performing today?

I'll do Jay Chou's "Nunchucks."

Jay Chou's song versus Jay Chou's song.

A very provocative choice.

Beside the smoky BBQ stall is a kungfu gym

Old lady inside is a 3-dan expert In the way of tea

The boss practices Iron Palm And Yang-style spears

Best kungfu fundamentals With impenetrable D

As their son, I've practiced martial arts since young

Whether swords or staffs, I wield with mastery

My favorite weapon? Nunchucks, limber yet tough

Wanna go to Songshan To learn Shaolin and Wudang

What? What?

Breathe in and out with ease

What? What?

Breathe in with open palms

What? What?

Walk a thousand miles a day Carrying sandbags

If you see me walking on walls Don't worry, I'll be right back

Move forward in horse stance

Left hook

What would you like to drink today?

Today?

Can you ask them not to play my songs every time I'm here?

It feels awkward.

It's just a lip-sync battle.

They're not really playing your songs.

The sign that says “Sick man of East Asia"

What? What?

I've already kicked it down

Hah!

Quickly use nunchucks to

Heng heng hah hee

Quickly use nunchucks to

Heng heng hah hee

Kungfu practitioners remember

The benevolent has no enemy

Who's learning Tai Chi

What's the deal with that guy?

He's obviously not a dancer.

Quickly use nunchucks to

Heng heng hah hee

If I knew qinggong I'd

Fly onto eaves, walk on walls

Behave with unyielding integrity

Be filled with righteousness

Heng!

A round of applause!

Awesome!

Look, the guy put in so much effort.

The girl's lip-synching is pretty good too.

A love song should be more suitable for them up next.

Hey.

You said your friend used to do logistics for musical instruments?

Crazy, right?

And he's singing a series of love songs today.

Unless his singing is full of emotions, it'll be hard to move me.

That was less than a second.

No, loud farts don't stink.

Give it a try.

Maybe you'll feel something after shouting.

Wei Hung-jen! I like…

So pretentious. That's so bad.

What a joke.

You either like someone or you don't.

Why do I have to yell at fishes?

No way am I putting this crap in my screenplay.

Clapperboard.

Scene 87-87, take 98.

James, that's a wrap!

Thank you, guys.

I've prepared afternoon tea.

Everyone is welcome to get some.

-Thank you for the afternoon tea, James. -Thank you for the afternoon tea, James.

-It's delicious. -It's delicious.

For you.

Thank you! How come you remember it?

I inadvertently saw it before.

It's a wrap for me. Why don't we exchange numbers?

We can take my cats and dogs out for a walk some time.

I see.

But we're still shooting every day.

Why don't you bring them to the set?

For this cameo, I especially learned calligraphy.

Send me a text some time.

Say hi

to my cats and dogs.

Goodness, impressive!

He gave you his number?

09581920706

Yes.

A famous actor gave me his number in calligraphy.

It feels kind of special.

Will you call him?

Why?

Are you nervous?

Yes. What should the guy do in this situation?

Should he say, "Don't worry, she has the right to make friends"?

But that seems rather too generous.

But if he tears it up and the girl pieces it back together again,

wouldn't that be embarrassing for the guy?

Hey.

What are you doing?

Fine. Swallow it.

I'm going to watch you swallow it.

What a memorable moment.

You're insane. Why did you swallow it?

That way, I'm the only one you have left.

I'm the only one you can date.

Here.

I don't want it. Didn't he buy it for you?

I don't want it.

It's so sweet. So delicious.

Well, what is the female lead doing?

She--

Of course, I know. I can tell.

This female lead used to have very high standards. Very lofty eyes.

Her eyes used to be here, but then they slowly dropped to here.

She couldn't find a boyfriend, so her eyes kept dropping.

They kept dropping.

After she lowered her standards, she met a bunch of losers,

resulting in her current attitude toward love.

Right?

You've got a rich imagination.

No, this isn't important.

What's important is…

Let me give you an example.

One day, the male lead suddenly decides to take the girl…

to the beach.

To…

The place is not important.

There needs to be some adventure, so the female lead would realize

that the male lead loves her.

How can we make the audience

feel very touched and very…

This is really important. That's what the audience wants.

But I

don't see that here.

We returned everything we borrowed.

Hey.

Where can we go for a sense of adventure?

Let's go to the next place that pops up on that digital billboard.

I'm doomed. I already feel a sense of adventure.

We're going to the zoo?

Let's go.

Hey!

By the…

By the time we get there, the zoo will be closed!

That's why it's an adventure.

It's closed indeed.

What an impromptu idea.

-I'm such an idiot! -Hey.

Don't say that.

In an adventure, we are bound to run into some challenges.

What adventure?

We're just wasting our time.

As long as we're together, it's not a waste of time.

Is that so?

Yes.

Maybe what's important isn't what we do,

but that we are by each other's side.

The way you're consoling me is a little gross,

but it works quite well with girls.

Please continue.

We could probably…

Maybe there are fun places nearby.

We can wander around.

Perhaps we'll meet someone we know.

"What a coincidence."

He happens to work at the zoo and he can let us…

Hello?

What?

You remember that I used to work there?

Okay. I'll help you…

I'll help think of a way.

The stars are beautiful tonight.

Maybe we'll see a shooting star later. That way, we can make a wish.

The odds are way too low. Can't you just pretend?

Hey, a shooting star!

Hurry! Come on!

Make a wish! Hurry!

You're so loud!

Hurry!

I wish…

I wish that Hung-jen's acting can be seen by more people.

Someday, he'll be in a popular program

and be interviewed by a famous host.

Thank you.

What are you staring at? Your turn.

Okay.

All right.

I wish Hui-hsin can complete her story soon

and become an outstanding screenwriter.

You forgot something.

What?

Success in my studies abroad.

Perhaps I…

I don't really want you to go overseas.

Why?

Because…

Because I won't have anyone to date.

You need to look into my eyes when you say that,

so I'll know that you're sincere about it.

Aren't you an actor?

Okay.

-Okay, start over. -Okay, I'll start over.

Okay.

Here I go.

I only want to date you.

Don't you want to date

a smarter,

sweeter,

and prettier girl?

There's no one else for me.

I just want you.

What's up?

We can go in now.

Great, let's go.

A bird call.

A monkey call.

A sloth.

The sloth didn't make a call.

The sloth didn't make a call.

Hey, what kind of animal do you like? Let's go find it.

Probably a lion or a tiger.

People used to call me a tigress when I was young.

That's because you're very independent,

very charismatic, and very rare.

Jeez, you know me too well.

I'm so embarrassed.

There's no need to be embarrassed. I was just kidding.

Damn you.

He's mesmerizing.

It's too dark. Don't take photos.

Let me see.

You said that, but you want to see it?

That's you.

And that's the lion.

Why are you such a good photographer?

I'm all right.

Let's find an animal that represents you.

I'll take one for you.

An animal that represents me?

They should all be resting inside at night.

In that case,

stand here to take one with this background.

I'm not that similar to a gorilla, am I?

Gorillas are rich in emotions and they're highly expressive.

Being similar to a gorilla is good.

I'll go get it.

Don't! It's too dangerous.

Just buy another phone.

No. There's so much important stuff in it.

Pull me up later.

It's too dangerous!

Get back up here.

Come on.

Hurry.

Hurry up.

Almost there.

Look at what you've done!

What are we going to do now?

I'll use my phone to check if there are any exits.

Are you stupid?

My phone's not broken.

-Help me take a photo on that platform. -No.

We're already here.

-No. -Help me take a photo.

Stop messing around!

Right over here. Right here.

Okay, I got it.

No, do it horizontally.

How is it? Do I look very comfortable?

-All right. -A bit closer. Closer.

Yes. There.

Hey! Not this close.

Okay, right there.

Yes. That's the spot.

How is it? Can you see clearly?

A gorilla.

I don't really look like one, okay?

I'm not talking about you.

A gorilla is behind you.

He doesn't look very happy.

I'll protect you.

Don't come over!

Don't do that. You look threatening to him.

It'll retaliate for sure.

I don't want to piss him off either.

I know. But he's a gorilla.

How would he know that?

This is all I can do.

Hui-hsin.

I really do like you.

Why are you telling me that now?

Are you okay? Are you hurt?

I'm fine.

We have decided not to press charges against you.

As long as you promise not to break in again.

Okay, we won't do it again. We're sorry.

And…

This is my business card.

If you have any questions, please contact us.

Thank you.

Any questions at all!

Hey.

You're finally awake.

I was shot by a tranquilizer gun?

Yes.

The zookeeper said that he was aiming for the gorilla.

Why are you so good at imitating gorillas?

When I was in a drama school, I researched how to imitate animals.

I did a gorilla impersonation to pass the exam.

I never expected

that your research would help me finish my story outline.

Hopefully,

I can pass my exam too.

Of course, it has a happy ending.

So the female lead is going overseas.

I was thinking that she doesn't necessarily have to go overseas.

Why?

Because studying overseas costs a lot of money

and it takes a long time too.

You can self-study everything online these days.

The results shouldn't be too bad.

That's why she's giving up on her dream?

She hasn't given up.

She's just learning in a different way.

Of course,

it also has something to do with the guy.

I don't think he'd want the girl to make such a decision.

Why?

Doesn't he want the girl to stay?

This girl is very special.

I don't think he's good enough

for the girl to change her original plan.

I don't agree.

I don't like the guy's reaction.

The guy should agree to it.

I don't agree.

No, wait…

Are staying and going overseas the only available options?

Just pretend that those are the only options.

Have you forgotten what you told me?

Who did you say is the only one you want to date?

Jeez.

Perhaps that was just because I wanted to give you inspiration,

so you can finish your story.

That's why I said…

That's why I said those things to you.

What's happening now then?

The obligatory argument scene in every romantic movie?

I finally found the courage to say that I want to stay,

but you don't want that.

In the end, what are you going to do?

Sing a song to beg for my forgiveness?

I'm not acting right now,

nor do I intend to sing a love song.

So it was all just an act?

Why are you acting like I've done something wrong now?

You're the one who forgot our agreement.

I'm working with you to inspire you to finish your story.

And in the process,

if I manage to deal with a difficult girl like you,

it'll be much easier for me to pick up chicks in the future.

So being with me is a struggle for you.

You really think that I'm a very difficult person?

I always throw up after a roller coaster ride since I was a kid.

I even swallowed a piece of paper.

That gorilla was going crazy and I still faced him.

Without our agreement, I don't know if I could have done any of those things.

You're a very ambitious and capable person.

It's not worth it for you to…

-To change for me. -That's not the point at all!

It seems like I still couldn't make you understand how girls really think.

COMEDY KING

I read your story.

Not bad. It's quite fun.

This is what I promised you.

You're really good,

but I still prefer happy endings.

It's up to you.

Successful coupling.

Love rules.

Your call will now be transferred to voicemail.

Please leave your message after the tone.

The shooting of your movie was very smooth and successful.

Give a round of applause.

I have another piece of good news. It's personal.

At the end of the year, I'm going to share my good luck with you.

I'm going to make the world's prettiest makeup artist, Fang,

my wife!

-Congratulations! -Thank you, guys.

Remember to come to my wedding.

Congratulations!

His house is under my name now.

Right, there's one more thing.

Our assistant director, Hui-hsin,

has applied to an overseas school to further her studies.

Her application has also been accepted.

-Let's congratulate her. -Really?

-She's going overseas! -Congratulations!

She's going overseas!

She's studying overseas!

All right.

Now, let's enjoy the wine and this scrumptious feast!

Just like that, without saying goodbye,

Hui-hsin departed from my world.

Although the movie wrapped up, my work did not stop.

The video from the zoo of me imitating a gorilla to save Hui-hsin

was uploaded online by someone, and it scored a lot of views.

That's how I got the opportunity to host a nature show.

To know whether a crocodile is male or female,

you have to spread open its anus

to see if there is a protrusion.

If there is, it's male.

If not, it's female.

Okay. The footage is fine.

Let's take a ten-minute break.

Every time I have a break, I think of Hui-hsin.

I wonder what she's doing and if she's doing well.

He can't forget that chick.

He's acting depressed there by himself.

He's thinking of the assistant director you mentioned in the group chat that day?

Yes.

However, if he's using the broken-hearted tactic

to attract girls' attention,

then I endorse it.

No way. He clearly just wants to be with her.

You're misinterpreting it.

You.

You know what's going on.

Go talk to him.

I'm okay with that.

After all, among the three of them, his wedding gift contained the most money.

Hey.

How much did we put in our red envelopes?

You both gave 600NTD. What did you mean by that?

-In total? -Yes, in total.

Have you no shame?

-You gave 360NTD? -I gave 360NTD.

-You gave 240NTD? -Yes.

You even put coins in there. Why are you such a lowlife?

-The envelope has-- -It has more coins than bills, okay?

Hung-jen.

I'm Bao's wife.

Call me Janel.

Yes, I saw you at the wedding. Hi.

We don't know each other, but I know a lot about you.

Right. You've got a new show.

It's super funny.

Thank you.

Here's the thing. I'm a bit nosy.

Are you still thinking about that assistant director?

-She wants nothing to do with me now. -Of course. She's still mad.

I hate to tell you this.

I know you meant well,

but the way you did it was so stupid and hurtful.

Did you ever apologize to her?

Yes.

-You called. -Yes.

-Sent a text message. -Yes.

What else? That's it?

If I were her, I'd be mad too.

She's a great girl.

I'm sure there are lots of guys pursuing her already.

Hey.

Why do you think I'm with Bao?

Because he's silly and adorable. He makes me happy every day.

More importantly,

I know that he is sincere.

Even if it's something he's not good at, he will try it for my sake.

He might embarrass himself, but he doesn't care.

That's how I know that he loves me with all his heart.

I really cherish him too.

When she was with you, was she really happy?

I'd like to think that we were both very happy.

Therefore, you need to feel worthy of being with her.

And you need to let her know.

This is very important.

Did God send you to help me?

I was sent by God to help your girlfriend.

What's up?

I need a favor.

HUNG-JEN: DO NOT ANSWER.

YOUR WISH HAS COME TRUE!

Welcome to Little Star, Big Talent.

Yes, in the entertainment industry,

it can be said that everyone has an extraordinary talent.

However, we have invited a special guest today

who is about to show off a talent he's most unconfident with.

What could it be?

Welcome, Wei Hung-jen.

-Hello, Tseng-tseng. -Hello.

I heard that you're about to give a certain performance

for the first time in your life.

I wrote a song recently.

I want to dedicate it to a female friend who is studying overseas.

Is there anything you want to say to her before you begin?

Long time no see.

I wrote a song for you.

I want to say sorry.

As I perform this song,

I will also put up some pictures.

Because a lot of love stories and romantic movies actually all have--

So why don't you just start singing?

Come on.

She's right here.

Come on.

I watch you through the long lens

A great distance lies between us

Others laugh at how silly I am

For chasing the scenes you're in

When you slowly come toward me

I zoom in on your charming expression

A romantic movie

Starts screening deep in our hearts

A few lines of dialogue

I want to star opposite you In this love charade

I'm still here waiting for you to respond

In your enchanting eyes

It's as though I can see me

At first sight, I fell in love with you

Destined to be your fan

I'm helping you save time on casting.

Give it a shot!

I'll be your backup dancer.

Lighting, art design and costumes

-Romantic scenery -I'll protect you.

My love will never wrap

It seems like I still couldn't make you understand how girls really think.

Don't you want to date

a smarter,

sweeter,

and prettier girl?

There's no one else for me.

I just want you.

This is a customized love story

With unexpected twists and turns

Wei Hung-jen!

I like…

Romantic scenery

My love will never wrap

You!

Okay.

You're done?

-Yes. -Okay, great!

You're really lucky.

In the past four years, this is Tseng Noodles' first raffle draw.

And the winner turned out to be a celebrity.

What are the odds?

I only bought two packets and I won.

I really am quite lucky.

It's really you.

You are so lucky.

-All the best. I was very moved. -Thank you, Tseng-tseng.

ONE YEAR LATER

You're my agent.

How can you not be here for the audition?

Hung-jen.

I drank with them for two nights straight to land you this audition.

What else do you want from me?

But I haven't even seen the audition script yet.

They're very secretive.

Other actors only get the script upon arrival too.

You'll be okay.

Hey, I think it's my turn. I'll talk to you later.

I want a piggyback ride.

Okay.

-Let's do everything we can. -No problem.

Okay. Thank you, James and Ichi.

-No worries. -Thank you for coming today.

The director is quite pleased.

Thank you.

Okay.

-You're here for the audition, right? -Yes.

Sir, this is the one Jun forced us to audition.

Give him a shot.

Just follow the script.

This scene is the ending of the movie.

We just need to get a feel for it.

I'll get the screenwriter to read opposite you.

-Hui-hsin. -Yes.

Please do the scene with him.

Hui-hsin.

Are you okay?

Yes, I'm okay.

In this scene, the guy is rushing to the airport

to see the girl before she flies overseas.

Old plots never fail.

That's basically it.

You two can start now.

Action.

What are you doing here?

I want to apologize to you in person.

Isn't it too late?

I've already decided to leave.

I know that it's too late.

I'm such an idiot.

I really am a huge idiot.

But I know that I don't want to part with you.

-Sir, he has gone off-script. -Wait.

Before, I didn't dare to think that I could be with you.

I felt that I wasn't good enough.

And I didn't think that I could ever be good enough.

But now I know

I'm able to stand here

because I met you back then.

Forgive me.

I'm certain…

I'm certain that I…

We deserve to have this relationship.

I've wondered from the moment I arrived at the airport…

whether you would run to me

just like in the movies

and hug me,

and beg me not to leave.

I kept waiting and waiting.

I kept waiting

until I had to board the plane.

But you…

You made me wait until now.

Subtitle translation by Howard Shih