Original subtitles

(BUBBLING)

-(SONG BEGINS) -One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

(SONG ENDS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

-(CRASHING) -(MAN SCREAMING)

Bea: This is so... (SING-SONG) exciting!

-You do the honors, Koi. -Rah!

(ALL CHEER)

BEA: (SING-SONG) The student council dance is tonight!

Yay!

-Hello, Bea. -Oh, uh, hello, student council.

The student council acknowledges your greeting.

So, Bea, as you know

the council has the difficult task of choosing a dance queen tonight.

Yes, the queen has to be mature.

And sophisticated.

And totally not embarrassing.

And the student council thinks that you, Bea,

might be a perfect fit.

We have to go to class now.

(ALL SQUEAL)

Oh my gosh! They said I might be queen of the dance.

And I've so always wanted to be queen of something.

As long as nothing embarrassing happens,

tonight's dance is going to be the greatest dance...

WOMAN'S VOICE: In my little pumpkin bottom's entire life!

(GASPS)

-(SING-SONG) Surprise, Bea! -It's us, your parents!

Your father and I just signed up to be chaperones for the dance tonight.

-What? -Yeah!

Bet you can't wait to see your old dad cut up a rug at the sock hop.

(LAUGHS) Oh, sweetie,

I just know we're going to have oodles of fun tonight.

All right, cupcake. We'll see you at home.

Then, later tonight, we'll waltz on over to the dance!

(CHUCKLES)

-Wow. -This is an absolute nightmare!

The council specifically said the queen could not be totally embarrassing.

Well, what is more embarrassing than my parents?

Girrrl, we are so sorry.

Hey, Bea, check it out. Milo has an amazing new talent.

(INHALES, GROANS)

-Huh? -Gross.

You guys, I just found out I would be the perfect queen of the dance.

But the student council aren't going to vote for me

because my parents are going to chaperone and humiliate me all night.

Hmm, now how do we keep Bea's parents away from a dance?

-Rope? -Too much chafing.

-Wolves? -Nah, too much biting.

What we need is a simple plan, something easy.

(GASPS) Hey!

Why don't we just make a fake dance for your parents to chaperone?

How is a fake dance easy?

We need a lot of fish and a dance hall and...

Oscar, bro, bro's got connections.

I happen to have this amazing place that I always hang at

with these even amazinger fish that are totally down for anything,

Including, and especially, fake school dances.

A fake school dance?

Yeah, okay!

(LAUGHS) And, Oscar, you can do the decorations.

I will make that place magical.

Great, but what should we do for entertainment?

-I could help. -(SCREAMS)

My music group and I have been looking to play some gigs.

Great, we have a band.

-Yeah! -Yay, Queen Bea!

Guys, with a little hard work, I think this fake school dance could be

one of the worst plans I have ever gone along with in my entire life.

(COUGHING)

L17.

(FARTS)

-Where's my teeth? -I don't know.

Bea, Bea!

The guy just called L17. I have L17!

Now I just need four more and I get bingo!

Milo, when speaking about this "amazing place" you hang out at,

you forgot to mention that "A", it was bingo night,

and "B", it was a retirement home.

Bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo.

And, Oscar, I thought you said your decorations were going to be magical.

OSCAR: But they are magical, Bea. I call it "Magical Fred of the Mountains."

-He fights dragons. -Okay. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

-I'm officially starting to panic. -Bea, this dance is unbelievable.

-Look, I can explain. -Unbelievably wonderful!

-Really? -Oh, yes.

Your classmates are very nice, and very mature for their age.

How's it going there, slugger?

Wow. Well, I'm glad you're buying...

-I mean, liking it. -(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

Uh, hello, fellow classmates.

I'd like to introduce the musical entertainment for this evening:

Uh... Clamanthar and the Shiny Objects.

Oh, no.

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

School dance!

Fun!

School dances are fun!

(CHEERING)

Uh, Mom, Dad, will you excuse me? I need to use the little girls' room.

Okay, dear.

All right, off to win my crown. Call me if there are any problems.

(PANTING)

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

-Hey look, it's Bea! -(SINGING) La!

-Girlfriend, where have you been? -Long story.

So have the student council been around?

MALE VOICE: The student council is behind you.

BEA: Oh, uh...

So, Bea, are you enjoying the dance?

The dance created by us, the student council?

Why, yes. I would say that this dance is quite regal.

The student council is pleased by that answer.

Yes, that answer was quite queen-like.

-Let's go this way. -ALL: Ooh!

Did you hear that? He said "queen," Bea.

Well, he didn't say "queen bee."

-He did say "queen," but... -Girl, you are so in.

-(CELL PHONE RINGING) -Hello?

Bea, we have a problem.

Clamantha's about to do an acoustic set and your dad wants to dance with you.

I mean, I would volunteer to do it,

but I really don't wanna slow dance with your father.

Oh, all right. I'm on my way.

This next song is dedicated to the secret love of my life.

(GUITAR PLAYING)

(SONG BEGINS)

(SINGING) Oscar, Oscar, his name is Oscar

He looks like broccoli

-(WHIMPERS) -CLAMANTHA: (SINGING) Oh, Oscar, Oscar

That rhymes with bo-boscar

-Someday he'll marry me -(BEA GIGGLING)

(SONG ENDS)

Jeez, Dad, when it comes to dancing, you always did have two left fins.

What are you talking about?

These moves helped me win over your mother.

(GIGGLES) Norman!

-(CELL PHONE RINGS) -Hey!

Girl, student council just requested your presence

beside the punch bowl, A-sap.

Oh, all right. Um, Dad, will you excuse me for just one sec?

-Oscar? -(GROANS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

So then the first queen tells the second queen,

"Hey, this isn't my crown, this is a lampshade."

(JABBERING)

The student council found that joke to be hilarious.

-Yes. -Oh, uh, thanks. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Hey, Beabers, your mom wants to sing a duet with you.

-Right now? -Uh-huh.

-Um, I'll be back in one sec. -'Kay.

(BOTH SINGING) You!

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

-Shellsea: Girrrl. -(SIGHS)

-All right. -Two, three, four.

-(SONG BEGINS) -CLAMANTHA: (SINGING) I wanna be queen

I just wanna be queen I can do this

-(CELL PHONE RINGS) -CLAMANTHA: (SINGING) Queen Bea

Queen Bea's gotta be queen I wanna be queen

-I wanna be queen -(CHEERING)

-CLAMANTHA: (SINGING) I can be queen -(CELL PHONE RINGING)

CLAMANTHA: (SINGING) If I just try real hard

-Queen Bea, Queen Bea, Queen Bea! -(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(SONG ENDS)

(HEAVY BREATHING) I am completely, utterly exhausted.

And I'm pretty sure I swam 200 miles tonight.

But I feel great.

Oscar, the fake dance worked. Look! My parents are happy.

And now all I have to do is be there by the time

the student council announces the king and queen of the dance.

-(CELL PHONE RINGS) -Hey.

Bea, the council are announcing the king and queen of the dance.

Uh, is this thing on?

Oh my gosh! Okay. Off to get my crown! How do I look?

OSCAR: Uh...

Perfect!

(GASPS) Closed for cleaning?

(GROANS) You've got to be kidding me! All right, all right.

Well, I guess I'll just have to take Pleasant Way Road to get there.

-(ROARING) -(MONKEYS SHRIEKING)

Hold on, everyone. I'm coming!

(YELPS) Gotta be queen.

(PANTS) So honored.

The student council would again like to congratulate

Student council dance king Bo Gregory.

And now the student council queen of the dance is...

Bea Goldfishberg.

Wait, where's Bea?

Hey!

Sorry! Running a little late. (GIGGLES)

Wow, this is totally unexpected.

Gosh, I have so many fish I need to thank.

-Uh, Bea, what happened? -What do you mean?

-Uh, girl? -Wow.

Uh, the student council might have to consider a re-vote.

-Yeah. -Wait! I... I can explain!

-Mrs. Goldfishberg: Bea! -Sorry, Bea.

They figured out it was a retirement center as soon as the clock struck seven.

-(SNORING) -(COUGHING)

No, I'm the one that should apologize.

But just so you know, the fun I had with you guys at the fake dance

was not fake fun.

Oh, we didn't have fake fun with you either, dear.

Yeah, tonight was a blast! Plus, I got a bingo!

(BOILING KETTLE WHISTLING)

Win or lose, you'll always be our little Queen Bea.

Aw, you guys are the best!

In a two-to-one majority vote, the student council finds this moment touching.

-Here's your crown, Bea. -Thanks!

And for my first act as dance queen

I shall step down and officially crown my awesome, understanding parents instead.

Did you hear that, honey? We're queen of the dance.

Looks like this celebration could use some groovy tunes.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

BALDWIN: ...And that's why, class, they always say,

"No shirt, no shoes, no service."

-BALDWIN: Any questions? -(GROANS)

Well, I'm bored.

-BALDWIN: 1986... -Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm.

-Eye! -Knock it off, Milo!

I'm trying to pay attention.

BALDWIN: Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Hey, back off my snacks.

Ooh, Captain Aquarium! What's this?

Give me that back, Milo. You're gonna get us caught.

It says here that he's the most powerful superhero in the sea.

-Oscar, is this true? -Yes! Now give it back, Milo.

B... but it says that he can't resist a phone call from crime

(PHONE RINGING)

And that he hides, disguised in his day job

as mild-mannered, Lame Borington.

But wait, if he's so powerful, then why hide under such a dull disguise?

Because he has to, Milo. It's his hero way of blending in.

-Oh. -Yeah, if he were here right now,

we wouldn't even know it, ready to strike out of the darkness.

BALDWIN: Ha!

What, are you two passing love notes? Gimme.

Captain Aquarium? Stop reading that nonsense.

-It'll fill your head with ideas. -My bag!

I'll just be putting this in the drawer of stuff-that-is-mine now.

-(CELL PHONE RINGS) -Yes?

What? Trouble? I'm on it!

Sorry, class, but this lesson's gonna have to wait.

I have, uh, car trouble.

-(GRUNTS) -(CRASHING)

-BALDWIN: Ow. -(ANIMAL SCREECHING)

Don't you see what's going on here, Oscar?

Yeah, my cookies were just stolen.

Forget your cookies, bro.

Baldwin doesn't want us reading Captain Aquarium comics

because Baldwin is Captain Aquarium!

Milo, have you been inhaling bathroom water again?

No, no, no, no. Check it out, Brosef.

He's always answering secret phone calls.

Everyone gets phone calls, Milo.

He fits lame Borington's personal appearance to a "T."

A lot of middle-aged men look like that.

And he's always using the same lame excuse

to get out of his daily routine to go fight crime.

CAPTAIN AQUARIUM: Ha, ha, ha! I've got car trouble!

Come on, everyone has car...

Wait, Milo, I think you're on to something.

Lame Borington does always have car trouble,

just like Mr. Baldwin.

I can't believe Baldwin is Captain Aquarium!

If our teacher's a superhero,

he probably does all sorts of cool stuff outside of school.

I knew there had to be more to good old Baldwin than boringness.

This is an awesome discovery. We gotta get Bea in on this.

(LAUGHS)

So, Bea, how's your journalism final coming along?

It's great. I'm almost finished reading the paper.

What? Journalism isn't just about reading the...

(GASPS) Air!

-(SCREAMS) -Dr. Frog?

-(INHALES) -(CROAKS)

I'm okay, I'm okay. Whoo!

Anyways, where were we?

Oh, yeah. Bea, journalism isn't just about reading the news.

It's also about writing the news. Are you with me?

You never said anything about writing.

What? Well, anyway, you have to do a report

on the most totally tubular story in the world.

And it's due Monday. No pressure. What?

-What? -What?

Monday? But, Dr. Frog, it's Friday.

Well, you should've thought of that yesterday. Oops!

A story in two days? How will I ever pull that off?

Well, Bea, no one ever said this was an easy class.

That's why no one takes it.

(SCREAMS)

Oh, good grief. What am I gonna do?

-Oscar: Bea! -Milo: Bea!

We've just discovered the most

totally tubular, amazing story ever told in the history of school.

-Wait, you guys have a story? -Yes! Baldwin is a superhero.

Oh, I don't know, guys. Baldwin? He's just so old. And lame.

Yes, I know. That's his disguise.

Oscar, is this a real story or is this a Milo story?

Real! I saw it too, Bea, with my real eyes.

Wait. This is good. No, it's perfect!

This could be my story I need to pass journalism class.

(SING-SONG) Problem solved, diddly doo.

Okay, guys, a good journalist

needs absolute proof before going to the presses.

Great, so all we have to do is follow Mr. Baldwin

and wait until he turns into Captain Aquarium.

In the comic, Captain Aquarium saves the city from giant monsters.

CAPTAIN AQUARIUM: Gadzooks! Giant monsters are destroying the city!

-(SCREAMING) -(EEL ROARS)

Run! Help!

-(SIRENS BLARING) -(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

(EEL ROARS)

Gadzooks! The price of eyeglass repair is destroying the city.

Well, Captain Aquarium also captures dangerous bank robbers.

CAPTAIN AQUARIUM: Arrest these bank robbers in the name of the law!

-(ALARM RINGING) -(SIREN BLARING)

(SCREAMS)

Ooh, ooh! Captain Aquarium changes his super-suit in a phone booth.

CAPTAIN AQUARIUM: Yeah! A phone booth!

Ah, I love to nap in phone booths.

Okay, guys. I think I've seen enough.

This story is hopeless.

We're never gonna get proof. What was I thinking?

Bite your tongue, Bea. Baldwin is a superhero. You'll see.

-Bea's making a good point. -MILO: You bite your tongue!

Think about it, all right? Superheroes only show up to stop one thing.

-Bad hair days? -No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

-Supervillains! -Oh!

I think I'm cooking up a plan here, bro.

Hey, do you still have that wizard's costume from last week's role play?

Do you even need to ask? (SNORTS AND LAUGHS)

Oh, yeah, let's do this thing!

(LULLABY PLAYING)

-(BANGING ON DOOR) -(SCREAMS)

(PANTS) Not again.

(CLEARS THROAT)

-Bea? -Please, Mr. Baldwin,

you have to come quick! Milo is in grave danger.

(SQUEALS) Call the cops! Here, I have a panic button.

No time for that. Come on. I've packed a water suit in your car.

Water suit?

(TIRES SQUEALING)

You're actually doing it, Mr. Baldwin. You're saving Milo.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Bea, stop flashing that camera in my face. I, I can't see the road.

There, up ahead!

(WHIMPERS)

Oh, gasp! This looks like a dire situation.

My life looks like a dire situation.

Uh, I, dark wizard Wizzleworm, um...

(COUGHS)

...command you to step out of your car and reveal yourself.

Help me! Somebody help me! This dude means business.

Ho-kay.

Uh...

And is there a reason why I'm here, Oscar?

Yes. Uh, one sec.

Evil! Tell him that you're an evil supervillain.

-That'll make him change. -Oh, yeah. I'm evil.

He's so evil!

(LAUGHS MENACINGLY)

(SNORTS) And no one can stop my evil, so do not even try.

-Uh-huh. -You have to try!

-He's not trying. -No, man. We gotta step it up.

Um... Hey, hey, if, if you don't try,

then Dr. Wizzle Bizzle Kizzle is gonna throw me in the sharks.

Yeah, uh, don't think I won't do it.

Are you sure you want me to do it?

It's the only way to get him to reveal Captain Aquarium.

-But... -Don't worry! Baldwin will save me.

Okay. Good luck, bro.

I'm pushing him. I'm pushing him into the shark tank below.

I'm evil.

Milo, Oscar, get in the car. I'm taking you kids home.

Now grab an end and help me lift. (GRUNTS)

Bea, take your picture!

Baldwin is so heroic. Look, he's saving me!

(GROANS)

(MILO AND OSCAR SCREAM)

Oh, dear gosh.

We're saved!

You're not saved! My arms are gonna give out any second.

Maybe you should use your super-strength? Huh? Huh?

What are you talking about? I don't have super-strength.

But it says you do in the comic.

-What comic? -The comic, the comic!

-Captain Aquarium? -Yeah, we know you're him.

What? I'm not Captain Aquarium.

-Whoa! Whoa! -(SCREAMS) No!

(ALL SCREAMING)

I guess it's true. You're really not him.

You didn't turn into a superhero to save us. (GROANS)

Hey, at least we lived.

Heh, yeah, yeah, until we get eaten by sharks!

Mm, you're just in time for dinner.

Mm-hmm.

(ALL SCREAM)

Well, this is much more pleasant than expected.

-Apple? -Why, yes, please.

So, let me get this straight.

You guys went to all this trouble because you thought I was a superhero?

BOTH: Blushies!

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

Uh, we're sorry. Are you mad?

Well, I should be mad.

But frankly, I'm kind of flattered you think I was that cool.

Truth be told, I haven't been outside of my house on a Friday night since 1986.

Blushies.

(ALL LAUGH)

Stop laughing!

I mean, if I don't have a totally tubular story

with proof to back it up, I'm gonna fail journalism.

Proof, huh? I can help with that. Guys, get some duct tape and a cape.

We've got a report to save.

Ah-hah! So, Bea, how did we do over the weekend?

See for yourself. All done. All totally tubular and all true.

What?

(CROAKS)

Whoa!

No way!

What? Baldwin is Captain Aquarium and you've got pictures to prove it?

A+!

Blushies.

Well, that was fun. (GASPS) Air!

(SCREAMS)

SNAKE: (SIGHS) I love school dances...

The music, the dresses.

-(GASPS) Come on, dance with me. -Dancing is for spiders.

Oh, one dance.

-No way! -Too late.

(SNAKE SINGS)

-(SCREAMS) Stop! -Yeah! Wicked.

(GLASS SQUEAKING)

This is why I don't go to school dances. Oh, come on!

Aw, snap.