Original subtitles

[slow music playing]

[inhales]

[exhales deeply]

[Owen] Dying isn't easy.

♪ You wish your mind had failed you ♪

♪ And left it all behind you... ♪

The body was designed to stay alive...

[grunts]

Thick skulls...

strong hearts...

keen senses.

[man speaking indistinctly on TV]

♪ And wishin' on the stars ♪

♪ You gotta make it easy ♪

♪ For yourself ♪

♪ You're breaking apart at the seams ♪

♪ And holding out for the one ♪

[alarm beeps]

- [clears throat] - [alarm stops]

[groans]

- Morning. - Mm.

Morning.

Oh. Ugh.

♪ ...Before you lost control ♪

♪ You're holding out for love ♪

[sighs]

And when the body starts to fail...

medicine takes over.

Morning, Kim, Sean. How are you feeling?

Ready.

Today is the day.

How are you doing?

OK.

[Owen] Surgeons are arrogant enough to think...

there's no one we can't save.

- Hey, you need a consult? - Uh, Kim Allan.

She had stage IV large cell lung cancer.

I removed a second mass from her right lung

about two months ago, but her tests had showed that

the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes and to her liver.

She was readmitted last week with pulmonary edema.

I drained as much fluid as I could,

but she is still having a tough time breathing.

That's too bad. You gonna have to intubate her?

She doesn't want that.

You're gonna have to treat her palliatively.

I don't see what else we can do for her.

She wants us to help her die.

[Owen] Like I said, dying isn't easy.

Since the state requires two physicians' signatures,

I've asked Dr. Hunt to look over your chart.

OK.

Her prognosis says that she has less than six months to live.

I have informed her of her treatment options.

She has met with a psychologist who has determined

that she is mentally fit.

And this can serve as her second oral request.

OK.

[labored breathing]

You have to say it.

Washington state says I have to hear you ask two times

at least 15 days apart.

[chuckles] It's so weird. It's like I'm applying to die.

- Well, if you're having second thoughts... - You saw how bad it got last night.

It's just gonna get worse.

[exhales deeply]

[inhales and exhales]

I would like to end my life

through physician-assisted suicide.

[labored breathing]

Excuse me. Um...

[labored breathing continues]

I'm just gonna go see what's up.

Dr. Altman.

How long does it take...

to die... once I take the barbiturates?

[Sean] Can we not talk about this?

It's just, um...

We're not there yet.

We are there, Sean.

[Kim exhales] We are.

[inhales deeply]

[Teddy] Kim, to answer your question...

[clears throat] about 45 minutes.

It takes about 45 minutes to die.

Three dates, no sex. Just talking.

Do you have any idea how much you can learn about someone

if you remain upright?

Like I'll bet you didn't know Teddy hates the word "moist."

Hates it. Would really prefer people say "damp".

- You hear me? - [laughs]

I'm growing again. I'm, like, grown.

She's making cartilage from scratch.

She's a little preoccupied these days. It's super hot.

- [laughs] - I'm gonna be late.

Bye.

Mm.

She doesn't want kids.

Arizona doesn't want kids. In her womb, in her house, ever.

- She told me. - What did you say?

Nothing. I mean, we're doing so great.

I don't want to ruin it

by being the crazy, desperate girl with the aching womb.

Better than being the crazy, childless woman

who sits out at the playground watching the children play.

They have laws for people like that.

You gotta tell her.

Hmm.

All right, so in the third quarter,

the collection rate of Medicaid was what percent again?

Hey. Would you excuse me one second? [clears throat]

You have 30 seconds.

OK, so this woman comes in to the ER with abdominal pain.

She's had it on and off for about six months.

- Mm-hmm. - And a lot of doctors have told her

- it's either an ulcer or gastritis. - All right, get to the point.

- You have 15 seconds. - OK, so it occurs to me...

that the nausea is probably caused

- by a positional shift... - CSF. OK. Brain tumor. Got it.

Right, but not just any brain tumor.

I mean, she's got this huge, beautiful ependymoma.

- So Shadow Shepherd... - Dr. Nelson.

OK, Shadow Shepherd is going to do

- an intraventricular resection... - Mm-hmm.

...and let me assist, and I may even get to debulk the tumor.

That's it?

OK. Sorry for the interruption.

So where were we? Percentage, third quarter of Medicaid...

What was the rate of return?

- [siren wailing] - How close?

- Two minutes. - It's Nicole, right?

Three guys waiting on an ambulance?

- Must be Nicole behind the wheel. - Have you seen her ass?

Man, I'd love to hit that.

Morning, Chief.

Sorry about that, Chief. I...

That's quite all right. And, um, I'm not the chief.

[siren whoops]

[brakes squeal]

- [Mark] Hey, Nicole. - Hey.

Nick Kelsey, 32, injured skiing off a helicopter.

- Vital signs are stable. - It wasn't the helicopter that did it.

- It was the avalanche. - Idiotic either way.

He's got two idiot friends coming in behind him,

but he's got the worst of it.

Open fracture to the left tibia and left hip fracture.

What are you looking at, chachi?

[woman speaking indistinctly over PA]

What happened? We were in the middle of a consult.

You're her doctor. You shouldn't be pushing her to do that.

I offered her options. I told her about hospice.

She doesn't want to die a slow death hooked up to machines

or be so heavily sedated, she might as well be dead.

And I have to say, I don't blame her. This is an act of mercy.

Oh, "an act of mercy"? You are killing her.

Just so that you are clear, by writing that prescription,

you are killing that woman.

All right, then.

I'll find someone else.

[static crackling, rumbling]

[fighter jet engines roaring]

Watch it. Watch it. Heads up!

You need to work on your passing game, Hunt.

[Owen] Oh, yeah?

- You ball hog. - Well, you need to work on your game!

- [Teddy] Owen, on your four! - Oh!

- Go! Go! Go, go, go! - [man] Not a chance, Major!

- Get it! Get it! Get it! - [Teddy] OK, watch out, watch out!

[Owen] Go! Go! I got him. I got him.

Whoo!

- Oh! Whoo-hoo-hoo! - [laughs]

- Whoo-hoo-hoo! - Yeah...

OK, break it up, break it up. Break it up, you two.

- We're only down by three. - Oh, yeah, 'cause you suck.

- [Teddy laughs] Insubordinate. - Oh, sir, you suck, sir.

I mean, Dan. Come on, it's true. You play like my grandma.

Whatever.

[laughter]

[helicopter blades whirring]

Get your battle rattle. It's time to go to work.

[whirring continues]

Owen, come on!

[helicopter blades whirring]

I need to reduce this ankle dislocation. Give him 10 of morphine.

I need to treat his frostbite. Nick, you like the tips of your fingers?

Yes, please.

- You jumped out of a helicopter on skis? - Yeah.

You can't get powder like that anywhere else.

I'm seeing fluid around your kidney.

We're gonna need to do a CT of your abdomen.

[Nick] Do what you gotta do.

Me and the guys are running with the bulls in Pamplona next year.

Gotta be up on my feet.

Hey, Phil!

Tell those doctors they need to fix you up so you can run with the bulls next year.

- You're an active guy. - Once a year anyhow.

Better than nothing.

- Once a year, we live like men. - You almost died like men.

On my count. One, two... three.

[people shouting indistinctly]

[woman] Big ass car bomb waxed half their unit.

They tried to evac, but it turned into an insurgent firefight.

GSW to the abdomen.

Let's stabilize him till we get him to an OR.

Get me some wet bandages and an occlusive dressing.

All out of those!

- [labored breathing] - OK, uh, some wet towels and, uh...

That.

We'll close him with this.

Gekko, give me that roll of two-inch tape.

[people speaking indistinctly]

I need a laryngoscope, an ET tube. I need to intubate.

- OK, finish this. - [Gekko] Yes, sir. I'm on it.

[Dan] Pupils fixed and dilated.

- He's way past go. Who's next? - [man] Over here, sir.

Colonel Mooney, sir. Sandstorm's coming.

- Command's ordered us to move back. - You're kidding me. When?

Now, sir.

All right. People, secure your patients.

- I almost have my guy stabilized. - You'll ride with him on the medevac.

Take my amputation and the head trauma too.

Hunt, we'll take your GSW in the APC.

Let's move.

You want me to go?

- No, I'm fine. - You hate helicopters.

I know. I'm fine.

I'll see you back there.

See you back there.

[voice echoes] Shall we scan him first?

[man speaking indistinctly over PA]

[normal voice] See what kind of damage we're dealing with

in case we need an OR? He's got some abdominal bruising.

Yeah, yeah, OK. You... you take this.

- Uh, get him up to CT. - [woman] Right away, doctor.

Hey, how come you didn't get hurt in the avalanche?

Oh, I never got off the helicopter.

I was about to jump when the avalanche started.

You missed it, Tommy. It was friggin' awesome.

[Nick] Yeah, Tommy, friggin' awesome!

Yeah, Tommy. Friggin' awesome.

Uh, Dr. Altman said you requested to lower your pain meds.

They make me fuzzy.

I don't want to be fuzzy today.

Did she tell you?

That you're going home? Yeah.

- Oh, I changed my mind. - What?

No, no, not about... I just...

I want to do it here... in the hospital.

I don't want Sean to have to deal with my body afterwards.

- Don't worry about that stuff. - We can make this place

like home, you know?

Get rid of all these machines, and...

Get some of our stuff.

- My quilt, some pictures... - Mm-hmm.

Some wine.

Can we have wine?

I don't see why not.

- If you need wine... - I don't.

-...then maybe you don't really want... - I don't need wine. I want the wine.

But I think you're gonna need it.

You seem scared.

Are you scared? [exhales deeply]

- Stop worrying about me. - All these things are happening,

and I'm making all these choices,

and I have no idea how you're feeling.

- I'm not feeling anything. - Sean!

I'm talking about where I'm gonna die.

You have to be feeling something.

[labored breathing]

I'll go home and get the stuff, all right?

Sean.

Red or white?

[exhales] Red.

[labored breathing]

In a wine glass, not a plastic cup.

OK.

[labored breathing]

It never changes.

You have the same fights.

I mean, even when you're dying, you have the same fights.

You want to know how they're feeling,

and they don't want to tell you.

[sighs] Sorry. I'm...

Don't be.

[labored breathing]

I think they don't know.

You know, when you ask them how they're feeling,

and they don't want to tell you, and you think they're being difficult?

I think they really don't know.

[labored breathing continues]

Relax.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

- [inhales and exhales] - Good.

[inhales deeply]

[exhales]

[woman speaking indistinctly over PA]

Where do you stand on physicians-assisted suicide?

- Well, I'm not opposed to it. - Good.

And as long as we're talking about the controversial stuff,

let's get something straight. Arena football is not real football.

- Obviously... - Mark, Mark, wait.

This is not me getting to know you.

This is...

I have a patient who's terminal.

She wants to die and she wants my help,

and I want yours.

See that?

The tumor's pressing down on the floor of the fourth ventricle,

- which is causing the nausea. - So you debulk the tumor,

and then you move on to the stalk.

- No. You debulk the tumor. - [door opens]

- [laughs] - Dr. Shepherd has requested these scans.

His schedule has freed up. He's decided to do the resection himself.

Oh, no! That's my... I am debulking. It's my tumor.

It's Dr. Shepherd's tumor now.

[scans crinkle]

- Dr. Hunt, can I help you? - Uh, no. No, no, I got it.

[vehicle rumbling]

Oscar-4-Kilo, this is Echo-5-Gulf.

Oscar-4-Kilo, this is Echo-5-Gulf.

- Anything, sergeant? - No, sir.

I think it's the storm.

Yeah, well, they know we're coming, right?

All right.

- Where are we going? - Green zone, baby.

They'll stabilize you,

then you are going to a hospital in Germany.

And then you're gonna go home. OK?

Teddy get there yet?

No word. [laughs]

Don't worry. I'm sure your girl's just fine.

- Stop it. I am serious. We're friends. - Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

[explosion]

[metal squeaks]

[grunts]

[exhales]

[groans]

[Dan] Hunt!

You all right, Hunt?

[Owen] I'm OK. You OK?

Yeah.

We must have hit an IED.

- How are the patients? - [panting]

I don't know.

I gotta find 'em all.

[exhales deeply] Everyone's gone. We lost Gekko.

[Dan panting]

Dan?

Dan.

[Cristina] Owen?

Owen?

[panting]

- Owen? - What?

You paged.

When you did Kim Allan's evaluation, did you scope her?

What? Wait. Is that her chart?

Dr. Altman's patient, who, according to this chart,

you ordered pulmonary function tests one week ago.

I'd like to know if, during that evaluation,

- you did a bronchoscopy. - Is there a problem?

- Can you just answer the question? - Why are you interrogating me?

PFTs can give you false positives,

and a patient may kill herself due to incorrect data.

Well, it's routine, so we probably did...

Probably? Probably is good enough for you? Probably is good enough for Dr. Altman?

What is going on? Are...

Owen.

[Tommy] Did you call Lani?

Um, you should call your wife.

She'll freak. Tommy, call when I go in. Downplay it.

It's a broken leg.

A little frostbite on your fingers, but nothing terrible.

- You're about to... - [screams]

Um, scream really loud.

[pants] That was worse than when I broke my ankle on Kilimanjaro.

- [Mark] You guys climbed Kilimanjaro? - Couple of years ago.

I made it to the summit while these guys got altitude sickness

- half a mile from the top. - [laughs] Man. You guys are hard-core.

We gotta be. I sell insurance.

Phil and Tommy are accountants.

[groans] These trips are all we got to keep our blood moving.

Hey, show 'em the picture of you on top of Kili

- with the rubber chicken. - [Callie laughs]

That doesn't look like you on a mountain.

Oh, sorry. That's my daughter Hannah.

Ladybug for Halloween.

You telling me you don't want one of those?

[speaking indistinctly]

You stole my surgery right out from under me.

It wasn't your surgery. It was Nelson's surgery.

It's beyond Nelson's skill level.

- Right? I mean, that's what you said... - My diagnosis, my tumor, my debulking.

- Can I scrub in at least? - You're on Nelson's service.

If I switch you, it's gonna look like favoritism.

- Dr. Nelson's been given an aneurysm... - You stop talking.

[whispers] Meredith, calm down. People are starting to stare.

You stole my surgery.

He stole my surgery.

Everything OK?

Yeah, it's fine. Everything's, uh... fine.

Have you had lunch yet today? I'm headed down.

Oh, I can't eat in the cafeteria anymore. The vultures won't leave me alone.

- Vultures? - People need things from me.

Seems like everybody has a pressing problem

- that can't wait. - Shepherd, you have a minute?

Mm-hmm.

See?

[Andrew Belle's "Static Waves" playing]

My lunch is making me sad, and I haven't even started eating it yet.

[Callie] Mm.

- [lowered voice] Say something. - [lowered voice] Shut up.

I was gonna go for lasagna.

I don't know why I didn't pull the trigger.

- Say it. - Shut up.

- Say what? - [Callie] Nothing.

[Richard] Hello.

OK, then.

If you don't say it,

- you're gonna regret it for a long, long... - [lowered voice] Enough.

OK, what is it with you two?

What is your problem?

- Teddy, I... - You go to Shepherd behind my back

about a patient you don't even know?

You have no idea what she's been dealing with,

the kind of pain that she's in. Pain that's only gonna be worse

after I ram a tube down her throat

because you're having some kind of problem

with her exercising her legal right to die.

So I want to know, what the hell is your problem?

♪ Like my emotion ♪

♪ I would have let you ♪

♪ I would have let you ♪

♪ I would have let you leave ♪

[woman speaking indistinctly over PA]

You missed it.

Altman tore Hunt a new one in the cafeteria.

- Whole hospital's talking about it. - Oh, not to me.

I walk in the room, and all conversation grinds to a halt.

Well, come on.

You don't talk locker room talk in front of the coach.

I'm not a coach anymore.

I'm a player. I take a shower like everybody else.

Richard...

You're a little bit like everybody else.

But mostly, you're still a coach.

It's a sign of respect.

It would be wrong to take it any other way.

[birds chirping]

You know the drill. We've put you in a twilight state,

next, we're gonna spray lidocaine on the back of your throat

- and pass the scope... - [Sean] I don't get it.

She had this test last week.

- Is there a chance the results are wrong? - It's very unlikely.

But it's possible?

You wouldn't put her through this again for no reason.

You must think that there's a chance the tests were wrong.

There are questions being raised that have nothing to do with...

By who? Raised by who?

- Sean... - Just talk to me, 'cause I'm standing here

thinking that my wife's gonna die today.

And if that's not gonna happen,

if there's a chance that she might get better...

[Cristina] Your wife isn't gonna get better.

This test is unnecessary, and the hospital's covering its ass.

[whispers] Thank you.

[lowered voice] No problem.

[Richard] Julie...

Can you find out if Dr. Bailey's on her way?

OK, Doctor.

[monitor beeping rhythmically]

[lowered voice] If I wasn't happily married,

I'd hit her.

[door opens]

I'd hit her hard.

[metal clatters]

Sir, I think what you wanted to say was "hit that".

I don't think you wanted to say that at all.

[clears throat]

I hear Shepherd took your surgery.

How'd you hear that?

Apparently you yell really loud.

Yeah, well, I have to hold a retractor for Shadow Shepherd

while Derek debulks my tumor. So, yes, I yell very loud.

Yeah, well, the key is to think of yourself

as one of the whos down in Whoville.

What?

You know, when, um,

the Grinch came down and stole all their presents...

They didn't let that ruin Christmas for them.

You know, instead, they came out on Christmas morning

and they sang.

You're gonna go into that surgery, and you're gonna sing.

[laughs]

Sing, Cindy Lou. [chuckles]

Sing.

- [sighs] - [door closes]

Your scalp lac is small enough

that shooting in lidocaine would be more painful

than just throwing in a couple of staples.

Is this gonna hurt like my fingers?

- Because... - Not too much.

- [staple clicks] - [screams] God!

- [screaming] - Sorry, sorry.

OK, that's it. I got it.

- [whimpers] - The hand was swelling so much,

it would've popped the finger right off.

- [plastic crinkles] - What?

You're still trying to save the arm.

- You gotta tourniquet it. - If I do, then you will lose it.

[groans] It's not about the arm.

If I could just try to tie off that brachial artery...

Owen! It's not about the arm.

You're right. I know. I know. You're right.

- OK, Dan, listen to me. - [grunts]

The back of this truck is trashed.

Most of the supplies, all the morphine...

There's no morphine, there's no lidocaine.

You bring whiskey?

[both laugh]

- [crunching] - [screaming]

OK, we got it. We got it.

- [groans] - We got it. We got it. We got it.

No.

I don't think we do. [grunts]

[blood flowing]

No!

[voice echoes] Dr. Hunt.

[normal voice] Dr. Hunt.

Kim Allan's bronchoscopy

confirmed that nothing more could be done.

Sloan signed off.

He did his due diligence, but it's over.

You're not gonna kill him.

I won't let you kill him.

You're not gonna kill him.

The patient in question is a woman.

No one's trying to kill her.

She's choosing to die.

You should go home.

I have a surgery.

You're done for the day. Go home.

- OK, OK. - [groaning]

Can you...

Can you hold this? Can you put pressure there?

I don't think...

- OK, I'm gonna have to move you... - Oh, no, I can't. I can't. I'm too tired.

No, no, no. Dan, Dan, wake up. Wake up.

I have to.

It's gonna hurt like hell,

but I have to find something to pack this wound

- till someone comes. - Someone's coming?

Someone's coming?

- OK, you ready? - [moans]

Here we go.

Here we go.

OK, here we go.

[screaming]

Oh, please, please!

Please!

[crying] Please. Please. Please. Please.

- Please. Please. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Please just... don't. - I'm sorry.

[mutters]

There we go. There we go.

Hypothermia... uh, that's the last one.

The last...

Stop that. Someone is coming.

Help is coming.

You been saying that for hours.

[grunts] I'm coagulopathic.

I'm probably acidotic.

I'm in the triad of death.

No one is coming.

- If I could just move you... - No! Look, Hunt, I need you...

I need you to say a Hail Mary with me.

Dan... [exhales]

I don't know it.

That's OK.

It's OK. Just say it with me.

[exhales]

- Hail Mary... - Hail Mary...

- Full of grace... - Full of grace...

- The lord is with thee. - The lord is with thee.

- Blessed art thou amongst women... - Blessed art thou amongst women...

- Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. - Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

- Holy Mary, mother of God... - Holy Mary, mother of God...

- Pray for us sinners... - Pray for us sinners...

- Now... - Now...

- And at the hour of our death. - And at the hour of our death.

- Amen. - Amen.

You make sure Lisa gets my ring, all right?

Don't give up, Dan.

Don't... don't use it to propose to Altman or something.

[laughs]

But you... you should propose to Altman.

[sniffles] You know, you two, you should... you should...

Shut up, Dan. I'm engaged to Beth.

And you, you are gonna give that ring to Lisa, OK?

[grunts] Come on. Come on.

What? No.

- Move your hand. - No.

That's an order, soldier.

No, sir.

[thunder rumbles]

They're working on Nick's kidney.

Uh, I was able to stabilize his legs,

but it's gonna be a long recovery process.

You may need to let his wife know it's a little bit more than a broken leg.

Yeah, I told my wife, and she's calling Lani.

- My wife can handle her better. - [chuckles]

So you... you summited Kili,

you run with the bulls,

but you're scared of your friend's wife.

I was scared on Kili. [chuckles]

- I hated every minute of it. - So why do it?

Nick and Phil. They're my boys.

And they love adventure.

Me? I got a kid...

And bad knees.

But I can't ruin it. We're a team, you know?

So you just suck it up, huh?

Close my eyes and hope I don't die.

[inhales and exhales]1

I can't actually give you the drugs, but you can have this prescription filled

in the hospital pharmacy.

Again, I want to emphasize, there are other options.

We can make you comfortable.

I just have one question.

- Owen, no... - What if they find a cure?

I know that it's a long shot, but isn't saving your life

worth gambling on a long shot?

Dr. Hunt, I will call security if you do not step...

Let her answer. I'd like to hear the answer.

Maybe... [sighs]

You have to be dying to understand.

But there's this thing that happens...

[exhales] where death stops being scary.

[inhales deeply]

What starts being scary is hope...

'cause it's not true.

[labored breathing]

Even if they found a cure for cancer tomorrow...

it's too late for me.

[exhales] And hanging on to hope,

it may make you feel better...

[labored breathing]

but it just makes me feel alone.

[labored breathing]

I don't want to die alone.

OK?

[sniffles]

[inhales and exhales deeply]

I am not afraid of this.

Why are you?

Why are you so afraid to let me die?

[labored breathing]

[exhales]

[Angus & Julia Stone's "Draw Your Swords" playing]

[exhales deeply]

[Sean] Dr. Hunt.

The pharmacy wouldn't take my insurance card.

There was some problem. So I had to go to a cash machine.

And, uh, I'm running around... I'm trying to get enough cash

to buy the pills that are gonna kill my wife. [sniffles]

Anyway...

Here they are.

[pills rattle]

There'll be a moment...

when she dies, her face will relax and...

all that pain that she was in, it'll be gone.

And you will feel relief...

Relief for her, relief for you.

And you will know with absolute certainty...

that you did the right thing.

Just for a moment...

[labored breathing]

You gotta let me go, Hunt. OK?

You gotta let me go. Please. It hurts.

It hurts.

Oh, please. It's OK. It's OK.

It's OK. Look at me.

OK, you gotta do it.

You gotta do it. I can't make you do it.

OK? Oh, jeez, it hurts.

It hurts. It hurts. It's OK.

It's OK. It's OK.

OK? You gotta do it.

- [coughs] - [blood trickling]

[choking]

You have to hold on to that moment,

because all the rest of it...

is just your own garbage.

[Callie] You'll be in physical therapy for six months,

but with luck, uh, you'll be ready for your trip next year.

Pamplona, baby!

Pamplona!

Pamplona.

Oh, come on.

He hates this stuff.

All right, the adrenaline,

the adventure. He does this just for you guys,

because you guys love it, and he loves you.

And... that's my rant for the day. I'm sorry.

I like to see people keep their legs. Ignore me.

You know, I'm starting my own business.

That keeps my blood pumping.

I'm with Tommy.

[Brett Dennen's "Heaven" playing]

Sorry, Nick.

[Nick] I can't believe you guys.

I almost died jumping out of a damn helicopter...

when I really wanted to go wine tasting in Napa.

Napa.

[all] Napa!

[all laughing]

Ugh. It...

The place looks different.

Something's different.

- Something I can help you with? - You were jealous of her today.

I'm sorry?

Meredith. That's why you stole her surgery.

You miss the pace of back-to-back surgeries,

the adrenaline.

Yeah, I do.

Schedule yourself one surgery a day.

In the morning, early, an hour before anyone else.

So at the very least you start your day good.

You start your day cutting.

And you don't have to actually sign all the paperwork.

Patricia's an excellent forger.

And if you eat alone in the cafeteria, you are a sitting duck.

So you need to eat with someone else.

That way people are more likely to leave you alone.

- You can eat with me. - [chuckles]

Thank you.

[Owen] Living is better than dying...

[pills rattle]

...until it's not.

♪ Heaven ♪

♪ What the hell is heaven? ♪

♪ Is there a home for the homeless? ♪

I'm scared.

Come here.

♪ Heaven ain't got no prisons ♪

♪ No government ♪

♪ No business ♪

[Owen] But even if letting a person die

is the right thing to do...

...it's not what surgeons are built for.

We are arrogant and competitive.

[sighs deeply]

I'm sorry.

I know you're mad at me.

I'm not mad.

I'm in Whoville.

- Whoville? - Whoville.

[laughs]

[Owen] We don't like to lose...

Um...

This is really hard for me to say,

'cause I really care about you, and...

Oh, my God. You're breaking up with me.

Mark? Is it... is it Mark? Are you sleeping with Mark again?

'Cause are... Are you one of those fake lesbians,

just having a vacation in lesbian land and...

Stop.

God, it's not bad.

[exhales]

This thing I have to tell you isn't bad.

Um... I just...

I want to have a baby...

at some point in my life.

That's all.

I really...

I have to have a baby.

[Owen] And death...

feels like a loss...

[sighs]

Even when we know it's not.

[knock on door]

We know it's time.

- We know it's right. - Hey there.

Hey.

Come in.

I helped my patient die today.

You want to talk about it?

No.

[romantic music playing]

[Owen] We know we did everything we could.

[Dan] It's OK.

OK? You gotta do it.

You gotta do it. I can't make you do it.

You... you gotta do it.

OK?

[coughs]

[choking]

[coughs]

♪ Abandon ship ♪

♪ Before it's too late ♪

♪ Or all this love I've got ♪

♪ Will turn into hate ♪

♪ You're not so very far away ♪

♪ But I feel more distance ♪

♪ With each ♪

♪ Passing day ♪

[helicopter blades whirring]

♪ I am alone ♪

[whirring continues]

[grunts]

What are you...

Oh. [panting]

I couldn't sleep.

Are you OK?

[Owen] But it's hard to shake the feeling that...

we could've done more.

[panting] Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

Go back to bed.

Owen...

- Wh... what are you thinking? - Nothing.

Nothing.

Go back to bed.

[helicopter blades whirring distantly]

♪ I sit here and listen to the rain ♪

[grunts]

[whirring continues]

♪ The falls have let out on my windowpane ♪

[whirring continues]

♪ Sometimes drowning me ♪

♪ It's like a flood ♪

[whirring continues distantly]

♪ I wish the wind would lift me I wish it could ♪