Original subtitles

[Stereophonics "I Wouldn't Believe Your Radio" plays]

Colin: Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I'm about to fuck up, so what else is new?

* Traveling through

* A tunnel under sea

* You never know if it cracks in half *

* You're never ever gonna see me *

* But you can have it all if you like *

* You can have it all if you like *

* And you can pay for it the rest of you life...*

* Life...

Ah, shit.

* I wouldn't believe your wireless radio *

* If I had myself a flying giraffe *

* You'd have one in a box with a window *

* You can have it all if you like *

* You can have it all if you like *

* And you can pay for it

* The rest of your life...

[breathing heavily]

* Life

Georgina: This is what I call my memory corner.

That forget-me-not reminds me of my first love.

That cockscomb invokes my late husband.

Oh, this dianthus, this came from a cutting my mother gave me.

Hmm.

And I always think of my daughter every time I look at a primrose.

* So you can have it all if you like *

* You can have it all if you like *

Colin: I know how hard this must be for you to understand.

It's hard enough for me.

[car skidding]

I mean, why would any guy go an violate his parole

when he's already spent half his life behind bars?

It's about bloody time.

Call it unfinished business, if you like.

All I know is that nicking a bunch of flowers

is a bloody sight different

than what they put me away for at 18.

The time I spent inside was hell on earth.

But in a way I welcomed it.

I guess I felt I deserved it after what I'd done.

After 15 years, I had accepted that this was what my life would always be.

But a year before I met you...

all that changed.

We have some news which might be of interest to you.

We're transferring you to Her Majesty's prison, Edgefield,

a more progressive institution.

We consider you to be an ideal candidate for the work that they're doing there.

Congratulations.

You've been reclassified to category D.

It's taken me a long time to get used to this place.

And I don't fancy the change, so, if you don't mind,

I'll stay put.

So this is what fresh air smells like.

Guard: Follow me.

I'm Governor Hodge.

And this is our head of lifers, Mr. Dudley.

You gentlemen have been selected from prisons across the country

to join other inmates in our open system.

As you may have noticed when you arrived,

there no high walls, razor wire fences or security cameras.

Nothing to stop you walking away.

Here at Edgefield, we function on trust.

Show us you can be trusted...

and you're well on your way to being paroled.

However,

if we detect any signs of anti-social behavior,

you will be immediately transferred back

to a secure prison.

Am I dreamin' or are they serving us tea and biscuits?

Holly is from the WRVS.

The Women's Royal Voluntary Service.

Run the visitor's canteen.

Holly, I'd like you to meet our new arrivals.

Hello.

Help yourselves to tea, gentlemen.

You must be parched.

Come on. Don't be timid.

I can recommend the chamomile.

Chamomile it is, then.

[scoffs]

Tell me.

Not bad, eh?

Yes, it's all right.

My name is Fergus. Fergus Wilks.

Yeah. Dudley told me you'd be arriving today.

And I've been looking forward to meeting you.

My last bunk mate achieved his freedom

uh, over two months ago.

And it's a bit, um, solitary in here, you know?

Yeah, it'll be good to have someone to pass the time of day with.

Listen, mate, I keep myself to myself.

I'm not looking to bond with no one.

I'm just gonna do my time, keep my nose clean. All right?

Perfectly understandable.

I felt the same way myself

when I was your age.

But after awhile,

I found my own company

pretty damned boring,

if you want to know the God's honest truth.

Oi! Watch it, old man!

Fuck! For fuck's sake!

I-I-I'm really sorry.

Sorry.

Jesus.

I don't like that fellow.

Strange one, isn't he?

What's he in for?

He's a menace to society, like the rest of us.

What you in for, then?

Half way through a six stretch for armed robbery.

You?

Murder.

Same here.

I'm innocent.

I'm not. Caught me on video, didn't they.

You're a bit of an early bird, aren't you?

Oh, yeah. Shit, shaved and showered before I even put me two feet on the floor.

Oh, by the way.

A word of advice. They're going to put you lads to work today.

Do yourself a favor, and steer clear of building maintenance.

Laundry. That's the place to be.

Come winter, when everybody's balls are frozen,

you'll have the warmest seat in the house.

I, um, [clears throat]

I've a certain influence in laundry matters.

In fact, the governor doesn't let anyone touch his shorts but me.

Not a lot of people know that.

Dudley: This is not a holiday camp. Everyone works here.

No free rides, not for the governor, not for me,

and certainly not for you lot.

Whilst at Edgefield you'll be required to work a job where you'll learn a trade

and thus be prepared for employment upon your release.

Together, you and I will find the job which suits you best.

We have half a dozen job options for you, Mr. Briggs.

Yet Dudley informs me you remain unemployed.

How so?

I don't care where you put me.

It's not a question of where we put you, Mr. Briggs.

It's more a question of where you put yourself.

It's all the same to me.

It doesn't make a scrap of difference whether I'm doing laundry,

peeling potatoes or carving rocking chairs out of oak trees.

With my record, when I do get out of here,

I'll be lucky enough to get any bloody job at all.

So, you know, whatever.

You leave me no choice but to make the decision for you.

[toilet plunger thumps]

[grunting]

Where you going?

- Home. - Can I come?

Very funny.

Why don't you stay and watch me play?

I already have. You're terrible.

Oh, yeah?

I'm a bloody marvel, me.

Can I help you?

What's wrong with him?

He's in for his chemotherapy treatment.

Cancer.

Yes.

Along with retinitis pigmentosa,

osteoporosis,

and arthritis in his feet.

Do me a favor, don't tell him I came here.

[chatter]

[sighs]

Did you miss me?

Didn't even notice you were gone.

You were right about building maintenance.

It stinks.

[chuckles]

[coughs]

Thanks for saving me plant.

I just gave it a bit of water, that's all.

Sometimes it takes very little to put things right.

[Christmas music plays]

Here you are. Merry Christmas.

Whoa. Not too much, that's it.

Is he still telling his mates his daddy's dead?

Go and speak to him, Jimmy,

but don't expect too much.

Well then.

I hear your school is going great.

Tony, you've got a stiffie.

So?

It's against regulations.

[record scratches]

[rock music plays]

Colin, I'd like you to meet me sister, Mary.

I've told her so much about you.

I'm no good with families.

Fuck, you're becoming a bore.

Well, you can have these, anyway.

Merry Christmas, Colin.

Oh, for fuck's sake, don't do this.

Too late. I've done it already, haven't I?

You're sure this is a good spot?

Give me the seeds.

[coughs]

You all right?

Fine.

You know it's a total waste of time, don't ya?

It's so cold those little buggers don't stand a chance.

They said that about me, didn't they?

But I proved them wrong.

I turned me life around.

"Turned your life around."

What are you talking about?

You're a blind, crippled old fart

who's been locked up all his life.

Even if you get paroled you won't have any time left to enjoy it.

I'll never be paroled, Colin.

- What? - Nah.

I'm one of the few in here who will never walk out.

I'll spend the rest of me days in Edgefield.

Yay!

What a ball! What a ball!

Cheers, Holly.

Hello, Tony.

Hi.

[chuckles]

Oh, it's really sweet.

But it's against regulations.

I know it is. I know.

Will you just put it in your hair?

It's just, just lovely.

Where'd you find it?

I found it growing near the pitch.

Um, I'd better get back.

They got no chance without me.

[both chuckle]

I'll see you later, yeah?

Spring is here.

What?

You can't see a bloody thing.

I don't know why you bother with those specs.

They hide me wrinkles.

[sighs] I've got better things to do, you know.

Knew we should've marked the spot.

You know, I'm sorry, old man. I've had enough of this.

Colin?

You've found them, haven't you?

Yes.

Are they beautiful?

Very.

They never stood a chance, Fergus.

I told you.

It's all about defying the odds.

Adversity is your ally, Colin.

What?

Make friends with your misfortunes.

Otherwise you'll always be angry.

Toss it back, will ya?

What did you go and do that for?

You ruined our bleedin' flowers.

I what?

Look, from now on, this area is off limits.

Hey, lads, come and get this.

Player: What's up?

The football pitch is now off limits. Want to know why?

Why?

Because we trampled their little pansies.

Oh, dear, now wouldn't that be a catastrophe?

Well, if it ain't the lilies of the field.

Look here. I don't think we give a shit

about your fucking flowers.

Player: Go on, Raw!

[whistle blows]

That will do.

Hodge: We don't look upon altercations very fondly here at Edgefield.

Much less those resulting in bloodshed.

And all over a...

pansy?

A violet, sir.

A double violet, actually.

A double violet?

An ascended one, at that.

In this terrible limestone soil of ours?

[sighs]

Hodge: Pity.

And your football inflicted this damage?

Raw: We didn't see no bleeding flowers, sir.

We were just playing.

Raw, if you and your teammates want to continue playing football

you will have to assist Mr. Briggs and Mr. Wilks

in their horticultural endeavor.

Our what?

Mr. Briggs, you've just cleaned your last toilet.

And you have your green fingers to thank for it.

That's bollocks, sir.

These flowers are a fluke. I don't know nothing about--

Gentlemen...

a new work program has just been born here at Edgefield.

Gardening.

Gardening, sir.

That's right, Dudley. Gardening.

Raw: Look at the buds on this.

- I'd like to get a whiff of that. - Guys, listen.

The governor is expecting a proper garden by next spring.

And from what I've read, it ain't gonna be easy.

I'd take laundry duty any day over this shit.

This here is women's work.

Yeah. I mean, look here, Briggs.

I think we'd gladly give up football.

But gardening ain't for the likes of us.

They're right, Fergus. Who are we kidding?

We're no bloody gardeners.

I saw the look in your eyes when you spotted those flowers.

And it was love at first sight.

We've been prisoners long enough, Colin.

Let's be gardeners.

[toilet flushing]

Fergus: Now think about it.

This was the governor's idea, right?

Raw: Yes, sir.

And who do you think carries the most weight

when your parole review comes 'round?

The governor.

Right.

So we plant a nice little garden

and you lads stand to get

the governor's personal recommendation for release.

Now, not a bad idea, wouldn't you agree?

So let's just get on with it and cut the crap, shall we?

Colin: We prepared a list of things we need, sir.

Um...

Well, there's a fork and spade, obviously.

A pair of shears.

Some branch loppers.

And don't forget the hoe.

Oh, yeah. A hoe.

And a weed wand.

A weed wand. How interesting.

Oh, it's a wonder. It's this nifty little gadget.

Looks a bit like a bicycle pump

with a blowtorch on the end of it.

Just aim it at them nasty little weeds

pull the trigger and blam! Nukes them right down to the roots.

Anything else, gentlemen?

Um, hats and gloves, I suppose.

Yeah.

Tony?

A bottle of suntan lotion would be nice.

Indeed it would.

And have you calculated the cost of all these items?

Yes, sir. We've prepared a budget.

Very well.

I, too, have prepared a budget.

You want in, my love?

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Don't you think you're pushing it a bit

putting spades and forks in the hands of murderers?

"The best place to seek God is in a garden.

You can dig for him there."

George Bernard Shaw.

This would do, wouldn't it?

Hmm...

What do you think, Colin?

I don't know, ya know.

We're still begging for sunlight.

We're in England. Don't build your hopes up.

- Come on. - Yeah?

No, it's no good.

My God, Susan, have you read all these?

No.

Then it's high time someone did.

Georgina Woodhouse says it all comes down to two basic questions:

What do you want your garden to do

and what flowers do you want to grow.

Fergus, what do I want my garden to do?

I thought it was our garden, Colin.

80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85.

Don't tell me what to do, Briggs.

Look, just hang on a minute.

I'm tired of waiting. This spot's as good as any.

Why are you always in such a hurry all the time?

'cause I ain't gonna be here for the rest of my life like you.

I'm gonna get out there, I'm gonna make savin' of meself.

Oi! I asked you not to do that.

I ain't standing on no fuckin' sidelines.

I got just as much say in this as anyone.

Look at me, right?

The daffodils think I'm right. Here.

Who said anything about fuckin' daffodils?

- Hey! - Hey, boy!

If you don't mind,

the old man will decide where the garden goes.

[Tears For Fears "Sowing The Seeds Of Love" plays]

* High time we made a stand *

* And shook up the views of the common man *

* And the love train runs from coast to coast *

* DJ's the man we love the most *

* Could you be, could you be squeaky clean *

* And smash any hope of democracy *

* As the headline says you're free to choose *

* There's egg on your face and mud on your shoes *

* One of these days they're gonna call it the blues *

* Sowing the seeds of love *

* Seeds of love

* Sowing the seeds of love *

* Seeds of love

* Sowing the seeds of love *

* I spy tears in their eyes

* They look to the sky for some kind of divine intervention *

* Food goes to waste so nice to eat so nice to taste *

* Politician granny with your high ideals *

* Have you no idea how the majority feels *

I'm leaving, Tony.

Today's my last day at Edgefield.

Why?

Because!

Every time I look at you I get all wobbly.

The feelings I have for you are totally inappropriate.

And before I bring further dishonor to the Women's Royal Voluntary Ser--

Meet me in the woods behind the garden.

You see this?

Hampton Court Palace flower show.

Biggest in the world it is.

Oh, my God. Oh, let's enter.

Ha! You're dreaming, old man.

Look, I've never won an award in my entire life.

This could be me big chance.

You want something to show off at the picnic.

All right, now it's time...

to germinate.

With a little cooperation from mother nature

we should have a jolly nice little garden come this spring.

"Her Majesty's Prison Edgefield

"more closely resembles life on a university campus

"than a citadel of reform for Britain's worst blight.

"the so-called open prison

"is in fact an open invitation to disaster."

Bastards.

Why does your family never come to visit you?

They want nothing to do with me.

Will you never tell me why you're in here?

If God could find it in his heart to forgive me after what I've done

He's not going to quibble over your sins, lad.

You sure about that, are you?

I killed my wives.

I passed the first two off as accidents, but

when I got around to the third...

it wasn't the police that worked it out.

I gave myself up.

I'd come to terms with the fact that

alcohol turned me into something terrible.

I'd say.

I'll be doing porridge till the day I die.

Which could be any time, my friend.

Not many more opportunities for heart-to-hearts.

I'm not the confessing type.

We're startin' up a vegetable garden next.

Fancy them more than the flowers.

That's what I'm gonna do when I get out.

Gonna be a gardener.

What do you think of that, John?

Mom says that you won't be until I'm away at university.

No I won't. I'm gonna be out in about 18 months.

That'll be up to the parole board, Jimmy.

I went ahead and painted it for meself

just in case I don't make it to spring.

You'll make it.

Splendid.

Just splendid.

It's a great day for you, gentlemen.

And a great day for Edgefield.

What did I miss?

What did I miss?

I was just telling your colleagues

how pleased I am with your horticultural endeavor, Mr. Wilks.

We now have heaven under our feet

as well as over our heads.

I'm such a fan, Mrs. Woodhouse.

Uh, to Margery.

I have one quick question.

I have an unruly cotoneaster shrub.

What should I do?

Go for the chop, dear.

Give it a nice haircut.

One must never be afraid to use one's loppers.

Thank you very much, Mrs. Woodhouse.

And who should I inscribe this to?

To Colin, Fergus, Tony, Jimmy, and Raw.

Raw?

Mrs. Woodhouse, I was wondering if you might be so kind

as to visit a garden that my husband's employees have planted.

They did it all on a micro-budget

and they were completely inspired by your writings.

Hello. I'm frightfully sorry.

But now that my mother's coming to an end,

we're looking forward to a cup of coffee.

Well, splendid. We can give you one.

We're only ten minutes from here.

Please. It would mean so much to the men.

Primrose, you don't say "We're at an end."

You say "We're on a punishing schedule and we're running late."

I simply can't tell lies the way you can.

I can't.

I blush up like nobody's business.

Social know-how isn't lies, Primrose.

The woman didn't say anything about a prison, did she?

Such a jumble,

all these disconnected dabs of color.

I really rather like it.

Who would've thought that the dogtooth violet

would be so compatible with that straggling group of daphne mezereum.

Really, quite a success considering that arctic winter of ours.

How about a big smile, Mrs. Woodhouse?

I beg your pardon.

I hope you don't mind, Mrs. Woodhouse,

but, uh, open prison's been the brunt of such bad press lately

we thought Edgefield could use some good PR for a change.

If you'll just stand in the middle next to the prisoners.

Thank you. Darling.

So, Mrs. Woodhouse,

what do you think of a garden made by murderers?

Murderers?

Just one or two of them, ma'am.

I really rather like it.

Ma'am, perhaps you and your daughter

would care to join us all for lunch.

Thank you all very much.

But we're on a punishing schedule and we're running late.

It's been a long morning.

We'd be delighted to join you.

Good. This way.

Mr. Briggs, have you always had green fingers?

Only when he picks his nose.

Don't mind him, ma'am.

Too many blows to the head.

Well, actually, I just started gardening about 6 months ago.

Oh, so then you have made strides.

Nothing you couldn't do, I'm sure.

I'm afraid, in my case, the apple fell far from the tree.

To my mother's profound disappointment

I'm a total disaster in the garden.

Really?

Oh, her father was even worse.

Refused to get out of the hammock.

Of course, the gin and tonics didn't help.

So, tell me.

What stops you chaps from just, you know, absconding?

Well, that'd be stupid, mum.

There's too much at stake.

We'd go straight back to a closed prison.

And we've all seen our share of dark days at Wormwood Scrubs.

All right, gentlemen.

Back to your duties.

It was an honor to meet you, Mrs. Woodhouse.

Watch out for slugs and sooty mold.

They can absolutely make life hell.

Bye. And best of luck to you, Mr. Briggs.

So tell me, who did what and to whom?

It's quite a notion for a prison, isn't it?

The tomatoes are more confined than the prisoners.

Now you sound like our local member of parliament.

"The only way prison works is to keep people locked up."

If our MP had his way,

Gerald would never be allowed to let the men out on work release programs.

Work release?

I don't suppose this would qualify,

but I've been commissioned by a lovely couple

to do their gardens at Ozlebury House.

My own gardeners are so over-extended

they're going to stage a mutiny if I ask them.

*

Hello!

This way. Over here.

Oh, Primrose, go and see if our clients are around.

Sure they'd love to meet the boys.

No one's called me a boy since 1929.

Some have it all, Raw.

The rest have fuck-all.

That's the way the mop flops.

Some people, they see this as just a mound of earth.

But I, on the other hand, see it as a commencement

of our homage to the goddess Flora.

Oh, hello!

- Hello! - Hello, everybody!

Oh, Georgina, darling.

[smooches]

So kind of you all to give Georgina a hand.

I'm Laurence. This is Nigel.

How do you do?

Anything we can do to make your time at Ozlebury more enjoyable,

don't hesitate to ask.

I do hope you like shepherd's pie.

And we have trifle for dessert.

Right! Well, excuse us.

We've got work to do.

Go on, off you go. Off you go.

Off you go, Falstaff.

- I'll see you later. - Bye.

Let's get started.

No more lectures.

And hosting yet another benefit

for the Orchid Society is equally abhorrent.

No! No!

You can't treat wisteria so cruelly!

You cut into the hardwood, it'll never flower next year.

- Tony, Tony, Tony... - Sorry. Uh, I don't know.

You'll have to settle those dates with Primrose. Primrose! Primrose!

- Where is she? - [loud buzzing]

Oh, no.

Oh, no! Oh! Oh, no.

[yelling]

Ah! Oh!

Tea time!

- [Georgina gasping] - Primrose!

Bag! Bee! My adrenaline!

[Georgina gasping, wheezing]

Just a little honeybee, Mrs. Woodhouse.

Perfectly harmless.

It may be just a little honeybee to you,

but it could be death to me, Raw.

Let it alone! I'll get it.

We need to get her to hospital.

She'll be all right, won't she?

Yes, yes. It's an allergic reaction.

Nothing too serious.

The only time she gets a week's rest.

All right.

See you then, then.

Oh, no. I'll be by tomorrow morning to collect you all.

Mother's orders.

*

What the devil is he up to?

I'm only just beginning to imagine.

Tony! We do have a loo, you know.

Nigel, you're a spoilsport.

[chuckles]

Morning, sweetheart.

Oh, that's from "the lady and the unicorn" series.

The lady and her handmaiden are holding clove scented carnations.

Don't go for carnations much, me.

- [chuckles] - What did you pay for it?

Oh, couldn't put a price on it.

It's been in my family for over 400 years.

I hope you got a good alarm system.

Falstaff's the only alarm we need.

Aren't you, boy?

How's everything going, Mr. Briggs?

Good. How's your mother?

They took her off the defibrillator today.

Glad to hear it.

You don't fancy giving me a hand, do you?

Oh, no. I'd be more of a hindrance than a help.

Oh, don't be silly. Come and help me with this.

No, don't be so timid. If you just go for it,

just rip it apart. That's it.

Right. Okay. Now we place it in the ground.

Hmm?

We're home.

Well, you know what I mean.

That's all right. It is my home.

I think mother will be really pleased with what you've done.

Thanks, Miss Woodhouse.

Primrose.

It's a lovely name.

I despise it.

Good night.

Guys. Guys, we're out of here.

Cheers, Miss Woodhouse.

I know, babe, I know.

I - just wait. Wait.

Listen. Listen to me. Shush. Don't go worrying about money.

All right? I'm gonna figure it out.

[gasps] Oh, Tony.

What have we done?

Silver foliage?

It was quite clear in my design that I wanted purple foliage.

[sighs in disgust] When this clay soil grows cold in the winter.

The silver will never survive.

- Yes, it will. I've seen to it. - Oh, have you?

A problem that's plagued the gardeners of Gloucestershire for over two centuries.

I think that if you plant simple quartz crystals in the clay they radiate warmth.

They don't interfere with the roots

and they don't add any chemical compounds

to upset the clay's natural pH balance.

Upon what do you base this conclusion?

I've been experimenting at Edgefield.

There's loads of clay and quartz around there.

I suppose that no one's ever bothered to mix the two together.

[chuckles] No, I don't suppose they have.

Well, Mr. Briggs, you have quite a future.

*

They're the most brilliant and talented prisoners you'll ever meet.

The work they did for me at Ozlebury House was simply stupendous.

One in particular has a great deal of talent.

I wish to sponsor them in their first show garden.

At Hampton Court?

I can just see the front page of the Daily Mail

on opening day.

"Her majesty surrounded by murderers, rapists and such."

Now there's a photo op.

It might do us some good.

It's sure to boost attendance.

Well, I'm against it.

We have the public safety to consider.

[knuckles crack]

My personal recommendation has paved the way

for many an upstart's entree

into this charmed circle.

Including yours, Julian.

Let us not forget what Her Majesty, the Queen,

had to say on the subject.

"Gardening has been a national obsession for centuries.

"There cannot be any other occupation

"that absorbs equally every section of society."

*

We're going to Hampton Court.

Oh, brilliant! Brilliant!

- Ah, great! Ah, lovely! - Hampton Court! Hampton bloody Court!

Raw! Raw!

"Hampton Court Palace."

[Sting "Twenty-Five to Midnight" plays]

* Train I ride don't be slow *

* If your whistle can blow

* Fifteen miles down the track *

I'm thinking of a field of tulips

with a bubbling brook running through middle of them.

And a wooden chute overflowing with poppies.

What about doing something typically English

but with a tropical slant?

Recreating Stonehenge in Hawaii.

I was thinking about a vegetable garden

like, on the moon?

A scented garden would be nice.

Chock full of English roses.

Honeysuckle. Lilies.

I'm seeing wild flowers, all shapes and sizes.

Bluebells, sunflowers, daisies--

Daisies. Tulips. Fucking bluebells.

I can't take this anymore.

You lot are a disgrace to the prison system.

* 'Cause she said she won't wait *

* She'll just go marry Jack *

* So there's no turning back *

* And it's twenty-five to midnight *

* And fifteen miles of track

* Twenty-five to midnight

* And fifteen miles of track

Greek legend tells us that when Aphrodite

was hurrying to the side of her dying lover, Adonis,

she was scratched by a thorn, as she pushed her way

through a white rose hedge.

And forever after, the blooms have been tinted red with her blood.

I think a scented garden's a lovely idea for Hampton Court.

It was Fergus's choice.

His sense of smell is one of the few things he's got that still works.

Primrose, did you know that

a white rose signifies purity,

a yellow rose marks the end of an affair,

and a red rose signifies passion?

Really?

I-I never knew that.

*

How's that?

Not too hot, I hope.

Now, then...

This comes from Miss Georgina's private supply.

The caviar of them all, it is.

Now listen.

I don't want you getting stressed out

just because you're in the mother of all garden shows.

I mean, it's hard to believe, I know.

But just because you come from a little prison garden

doesn't mean to say you can't compete with the big boys.

You can.

You've got just as much chance as any of the others.

You know, Susan,

I think we've got a chance at a prize at Hampton Court.

I truly do.

I hope so, sweetheart.

TV newsman: And now back to rural crime.

Jane Cavandish reports from Ozlebury House.

Jane: Can you tell us exactly what happened?

Laurence: We arrived home from the opera to find the entire house ransacked.

Nigel: Yes, they took it all.

Irreplaceable artifacts dating back

to the 16th century. It's a devastating loss.

- Gerald. - Nigel: Simply devastating.

Jane: I know the police are investigating

but do you have any idea who might have done it?

No, none at all.

Well, obviously, you have to consider the prisoners

from Her Majesty's Prison Edgefield, don't you?

I believe they were doing some work in your garden only a month ago.

Isn't that correct?

The perpetrator of the crime was apprehended this morning in Bristol

boarding a train.

He had a plan of Ozlebury House on him.

Says he bought it off one of the gardeners.

Hodge: The police suspect one or all of you men.

I'm giving you until tomorrow morning to sort out

which of you sold those house plans.

If I don't hear anything by then,

you'll all be shipped back to a real prison.

Is that clear?

This couldn't have happened at a worse time.

What about the flower show?

Canceled.

What you looking at?

You were the only one of us who set foot in the house.

They invited me in for a piss.

Little shit!

Whoa. Boys, boys.

I swear on my baby's eyes it wasn't me!

Raw. Mate.

You short termers always,

always screw it up for us lifers.

Sarah, if the kid hears about that robbery over at Ozlebury House

you tell him I had nothing to do with it.

All right? Nothin' whatsoever.

And you tell him about Hampton Court

because I'm sick of disappointing him.

Raw, where you going?

I'd rather sleep in the potting shed than stay here.

Cheers, mate.

Radio: Next week our guest is Georgina Woodhouse,

to tell us all about the Hampton Court Palace flower show,

the blockbuster gardening event of the summer.

The outdoor gardens represent the cream of the world's horticultural talent;

today's big names and the stars of the future,

all of whom will be digging for victory.

*

[dog barking in distance]

*

Hodge: Minister, it's one black mark

on an otherwise untarnished record.

That's still one too many

from the point of view of public confidence.

After all, the young man is still at large.

Don't close us in, Peggy.

Most of these men are coming to the end of some very long sentences.

They've got to be prepared.

If they're not, they're far more likely

to commit further offenses.

We've been in the outfit a long time, Gerald.

You know I respect the work you're doing here at Edgefield.

But until this thing cools down,

all work release programs

in the private sector are suspended.

*

Does the Secretary of State

support or decline the prisoner's release?

Here's the letter, sir.

I see from your file you've served

the greater part of your sentence.

You feel you're ready to rejoin society?

I would imagine that I'm the only one here

who knows what it means to have taken a life.

You think about it every day.

And you wish that someone would just come and take yours and get it over with.

But then one day...

you discover that you can give life.

Create life.

Grow something that needs caring, feeding.

To those of you sitting here thinking that

rehabilitation through gardening just sounds too stupid to swallow,

that's your right.

But most of my life was spent in a bang-up jail

and a prisoner is all I thought I'd ever be.

But today, whether you parole me or not,

I no longer think of myself that way.

I'm a gardener.

I'm a gardener.

Bloody good one, as well.

And to any of you wrestling with your own unresolved issues,

you know, displaced anger, that sort of thing,

I recommend it highly.

Good-bye, lads.

Do your best for me while I'm away.

I'll try and visit you as much as I can.

I'll miss you.

- I'll miss you, too. - [Jimmy chuckles]

Ah, go on.

Hope I never see you again.

[sighs]

Make sure you bag the roses at the first sign of frost. Yeah?

I won't forget.

You can depend on me, son.

I was 18 and totally wasted

the night I caught them together.

She was the girl I was planning to marry.

He was my brother.

My baby brother.

I lost it. [sighs deeply]

I just went for him. I--

I didn't know what I was doing.

When he stopped fighting back I realized what I'd done.

My mum and dad never spoke to me after that.

They acted as if both their boys died that night.

All I got left of him is a photograph.

Take this with you

to the outside.

I don't want it to die in here with me.

Remember, Briggs, one small fuck-up

and you'll be straight back to Edgefield.

Now then, you sure you don't need a lift?

No, thanks.

Sorry about Hampton Court.

It meant just as much to me as it did to you.

I know it did, sir.

Good luck out there.

Good luck in here.

Dudley: We just lost our best gardener.

[U2 "All I Want Is You" plays]

* You say you want

* Diamonds on a ring of gold *

* You say you want

* Your story to remain untold *

* But all the promises we make *

* From the cradle to the grave *

* When all I want

* Is you

I hope you like it.

It's all I could find in your price range.

* You say you'll give me *

* A highway with no-one on it *

* Treasure, just to look upon it *

* All the riches in the night *

* You say you'll give me *

- You okay? - Yeah.

* Eyes in the moon of blindness *

* A river in a time of dryness *

* A harbour in the tempest *

It's been a long time, Primrose.

For me as well.

* From the cradle to the grave *

15 years.

* When all I want is you *

Well, not quite that long.

*

Georgina: So, tell me, Colin.

How are you adjusting to your new life?

Well, I think the transition's

been made much easier by your daughter.

[chuckles]

Those who get out and have no one,

don't know how they do it.

Oh, this must be terribly hard.

Mother, you always attributed the failure

of all your relationships

to the fact that none of the men were any good in the dirt.

[chuckles]

Well, I've found one who is.

Have you?

And he could really use your help

finding him a job.

[gasps]

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

Excuse me.

Oh!

Bit dramatic, don't you think?

That was very rude, mother.

Oh, Prim, you know how fond I am of Colin.

But honestly, dear, the man was serving a life sentence.

God only knows what he did.

He killed his brother.

- Oh! - It was an accident.

And who knows what might trigger it off again?

I mean it could be over the most trivial of things.

I shudder to think of the consequences

if you should happen to burn the Sunday roast.

It's funny how open-minded you are about him publicly,

but when it comes to my happiness

suddenly he's judged by what he was and not by what he is.

[door slams]

That's what I like about plants.

They don't answer back.

[sighs]

*

He's destroying that topiary.

The border needs fortifying.

I mean, the guy doesn't know what he's doing.

We'll find you a garden of your own. Don't worry.

You've been saying that all summer and still I'm a delivery boy.

I've been to every nursery and garden center in the area,

but, you know, I'm an ex-con.

I'm knockin' and lookin'.

What's it gonna take?

A personal reference from the queen?

It was the housekeeper what gave the plans to her boyfriend.

The wanker tried to blame us to save her ass.

So Tony was telling the truth.

Hey, hey. Did you hear about Hampton Court?

[chuckles] They've invited us back to do a garden

for next year's flower show.

No shit. You lucky bastards.

Yeah, but Colin, listen, listen.

How are we gonna do a garden without you, mate?

What are you talking about? You got Fergus. He's artistic.

Listen, Fergus ain't doing too well.

He's, um,

well he's gone downhill since you left.

Really?

Tell him I'll pop in for a visit real soon. Yeah?

All right. Bye, son.

All right. Gotta go. Take care.

Raw: See ya.

Roses are red,

violets are blue.

I'm about to fuck up,

so what else is new?

Colin: They say that to abandon one's life for a dream

is to know its true worth.

I've got this crazy idea in my head

that I'm good enough to win something at Hampton Court.

[skids]

It's a hell of a way of going about it

but then I've always done things the wrong way around, haven't I?

Please forgive me for this because I certainly won't forgive myself.

I hope this is the last time that anybody ever sends you yellow roses.

Hi, boys.

I'm very disappointed in you, Mr. Briggs.

Our hope at Edgefield is,

once a man is released,

he never returns.

That said,

I'm expecting you to pull out all the stops at Hampton Court.

[grunts]

What's this thing doing back here?

It wasn't quite ready for the outside.

Welcome back, Greenfingers.

*

Well, I have to say I'm a bit miffed

to see how well you guys have done without me.

It ain't like the old days no more.

- Hi, Colin. - Hi, John.

There's a fuckin' waiting list to get in here now.

Jimmy and me have been having a think, Colin,

and we decided we want you

to come up with the design

for Hampton Court.

Gentlemen.

The Home Secretary and the Prisons Minister.

Most impressive, gentlemen.

The Home Secretary's quite a gardener himself.

Oh, ho, you exaggerate, Peggy.

I'm what you would call an armchair gardener.

More an inveterate reader of other people's exploits

than, uh, an actual tiller of the soil.

The Home Secretary's come up with an idea for Hampton Court.

Mind you, it only just hatched over lunch.

I thought we'd go for

a bit of the unexpected.

A rock garden.

Lots of prickly, hard plants

with not the slightest hint of color

representing incarceration

with the goal of freedom symbolized by a juicy red

strawberry archway.

I didn't break my parole

only to be laughed out of Hampton Court.

There's something much bigger at stake here

than a flower show, Mr. Briggs.

After years of fighting the home office,

we've just recently begun to make inroads

to insure the survival of open prisons.

Look, put your ego aside for one moment.

And give some consideration

to the scores of inmates

working through the system

who've yet to experience a place like Edgefield.

Yeah, but a rock garden, sir!

Do you honestly think we stand a chance in hell

of winning anything?

That all depends on your definition of winning, doesn't it, Mr. Briggs?

About as subtle as a hemorrhoid.

The only thing missing is a bloke with a pickaxe.

So, Colin.

What was it like being with a woman again?

Well, it weren't that great

if he came back here, now, was it?

Every day I miss her.

Primrose was the greatest thing

that ever happened to me.

Now, remember, these only need

one hour a day under these lamps, okay?

- You got it? - Yeah, I got it.

- Hey, we need every last one. - All right.

This archway's gotta be bursting with strawberries.

Where do you think they'll bury me, Colin?

Well, Westminster Abbey's out of the question, I'm afraid.

[Fergus chuckles weakly]

I've been thinking

that being cremated is the way to go.

Dust thou art,

and unto dust shall thou return.

Yeah, all right, old man.

Any female visitors lately?

No, I haven't.

The way you left things, I'm not surprised.

Fergus.

Do you think I'll ever be capable of loving someone?

Ah, yes. Oh, yes.

I spent my life imprisoned.

That's how it went.

But you're different.

You've got things to do.

So the next time they let you out,

don't go fuckin' it up.

Raw!

- Bloody hell! - We've got two weeks left.

We'll never be able to replace them.

I did exactly what you told me. Timer must be broken.

- Bloody mice. - I don't believe this.

Look, I've got a lovely bunch of red peppers.

Maybe we can fill up the trellis with them.

Red peppers?

Come on, Colin, don't lose the faith.

We still got the cactus. Look.

Colin! Colin!

Oh, what now?

Fergus.

[Bruce Springsteen "If I Should Fall Behind" plays]

* We said we'd walk together *

* Baby come what may

* That come the twilight

* Should we lose our way

* If as we're walking

* A hand should slip free

* I'll wait for you

* Should I fall behind, wait for me *

* We swore we'd travel

* Darlin' side by side

* We'd help each other

* Stay in stride

From the looks of it, it appears that HMP Edgefield

and flower shows just aren't meant to be.

From the looks of it, we're all just a bunch of deadbeats.

No-hopers, dregs of society, right?

Wrong.

I know different.

If Fergus Wilks were alive today,

he'd tell me not to give up without a fight.

"Adversity is your ally, lad."

Well, I've had my absolute fill of adversity

and now I'm looking for some allies.

Anyone here who wants to come with me

and make history at Hampton Court Palace

step forward!

* I'll wait for you

* And if I should fall behind, wait for me *

I believe I have the last word on the subject, Mr. Briggs.

Good luck.

[fanfare plays]

[inhales deeply]

Mmmm.

Savor the perfume and the pleasure filling the air

at the gardening year's most anticipated event,

The Royal Horticultural Show's Summer Extravaganza

at Hampton Court Palace.

Henry VIII's glorious palace by the river Thames

has seen nearly 500 years of spectacle and pageantry

but I think even Henry couldn't fail to be impressed

by this feast of flowers.

Hello, I'm Georgina Woodhouse

and I so remember my first flower show victory.

I'd just given birth to my daughter, Primrose,

and I was desperate to get back to gardening.

Every year, Hampton Court Palace

has a habit of showcasing something quite new and unique.

And this year, we have found an entry

that must be one of the most unusual in the history of the show.

It was made without sponsorship on a tiny budget

and from the confines of a prison.

I'm here with the men from Her Majesty's Prison Edgefield.

Tell me, how does it feel

to be exhibiting at Hampton Court?

It's terribly exciting.

I'd like to thank all me mates

back at Edgefield who lent a hand.

[cheers]

Colin. Tell me about your design for the show.

Well, it's a wild flower garden.

And it's all about finding beauty in the most unlikely of places.

And it's dedicated to our friend, Fergus Wilks.

*

[birds chirping]

[water gurgling]

*

Wouldn't be the same without you, Fergus.

Colin! Colin!

Hurry up! The judges are here.

They hate it.

They don't get it.

They look more like rock garden-types to me.

Trying to read those judges is like trying

to unravel the mystery of the Mona Lisa's smile.

See you at the gala.

What gala's that, then?

Sorry, men. It's for VIPs

and non-prisoner competitors only.

Fine by me. I had nothing to wear, anyway.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, look. It's the boys over there.

Got a confession to make, lads.

I left those heat lamps on too long on purpose.

I've got a confession, too.

I let them mice eat all them strawberries.

Well, thanks for owning up, guys.

Just leaves one question, don't it?

Who torched that bloody awful rock garden?

[Jimmy and Raw chuckle]

This was a mistake, Mother. I'm really not up to it.

Oh, darling, how are you ever going to meet anyone if you never leave the house?

[gasps] Look who's there. Colin!

This is all about spite. Now that you have my blessing

you're deliberately trying to defy me.

I know I've not been an ideal mother,

but I do love you, Primrose.

And so does Colin.

He's just had a little bit of garden fever, that's all.

I so want you to be happy.

I really do.

Primrose.

Hello.

You look stunning.

Thank you.

[band plays]

So...

this is who you left me for.

I hate to admit it, but she's fantastic.

[gasps] Colin.

You planted primroses.

You were a total shit to leave me the way you did.

Second biggest mistake I ever made.

There's more to life than gardening, you know.

I know.

Are you seeing anyone?

No.

Neither am I.

I keep hoping that when I get out next spring...

that you might be there waiting for me.

[fireworks launching]

[laughing, cheering]

[applause]

Judge: Congratulations. Well done.

"Marigolds For The Millennium" has just walked away with the silver gilt!

So exciting.

And to Fontley's Nurseries in Hampshire

a gold for, uh, "Fuchsias and Delphiniums."

Congratulations.

Many congratulations. This is for you.

And this concludes the medal winners in all the major categories.

Now, it is not every year that we bestow the Tudor Rose award.

But by unanimous ratification of the Royal Horticultural Society's judging committee

we have singled out a garden

for that most coveted of awards.

[murmuring]

And this year it goes to

"The Feng Shui Garden of Harmony."

[applause]

It's a tragedy!

[muttering, murmuring]

Man: Come along, son. Keep up.

We salute all the gardeners who grew for gold and got it.

As well as those who didn't.

So, until next year, thank you for watching

and happy gardening.

[quietly] It's so unfair.

Men.

- Colin: I'll just be a minute. - Hodge: Excuse me.

I just want to, uh--

I got into the prison service some 30 years ago

because I envisaged doing something positive with men like you.

To force you to go to your call and rebuild your integrity.

I lay far greater store in that victory

than in any medal they had to offer today.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

You're holding up rather well.

I have a lot to be happy about.

It's the best carrot we ever tasted.

Thank you, son.

- Miss Woodhouse, can I ask your opinion? - Yes, by all means.

Do you think we made a mistake

not going with a more typically English garden?

You know, no graffiti, no crashed cars.

No concrete.

Oh, I like a bit of rough, Raw.

Excuse me.

Her Majesty requests the presence

of the gardeners of Edgefield in the Royal Palace.

Her Majesty? The Queen?

HRH herself.

She was quite impressed with your garden.

And would like to meet the men who made it.

Hang on. Are you sure you're not confusing us

with the Feng Shui garden next door?

Oh, quite sure.

Unofficially, she thought you were robbed.

Holy shit.

Ah!

Oh, go on!

Come on, John.

Well, come along then, gentlemen.

Let's not keep Her Majesty waiting.

- I'm sorry, sir. - Hmm?

Gardeners only.

Excuse us, would you?

[The Staples Singers "Heavy Makes You Happy" plays]

* Oh, ho! Good gosh a-mighty now! *

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Say it, y'all

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Tell me, tell me, tell me, c'mon now *

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Well, yes

* Sha-na-na-na-boom boom, yeah *

* I've been trying to find what's heavy *

* That's been messin' up my mind *

* I think I found the answer *

* 'Cause it was right there all the time *

- * Heavy makes you happy - * Yeah, yeah!

* I just got to say

* Put on your heavy

* If I can't feel this way *

* I feel gloomy now

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Come on, now

- * Sha-na-boom boom, yeah - * Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it *

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Sha-na-na-na-boom boom, yeah *

* Oh!

* By talking to my people

* You know what? It occurred to me *

Colin: I hope she lets us out.

* It's more than just a feelin' it's a philosophy *

- * Heavy make you happy - * Yeah, yeah

- * Dryin' up your drink - * Ohh, yeah!

- * Oh, spread a little heavy - * Spread a lil' heavy, now

- * It makes somebody sing - * Somebody sing

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

- * Tell me, y'all, say it - * Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Right on, right on, right on *

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Sha-na-na-na-boom boom, yeah *

* Oh!

[softly] * Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Do it softer, now

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Oh, do it easy now

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Lay it on down

* Sha-na-na-na-boom boom, yeah *

* Bring it down

[louder] - * Ohhhhhh! - * Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Oh, bring it on up

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Oh! Take me higher! *

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* I wanna go higher

* Sha-na-na-na-boom boom, yeah *

- * Whoo! - * Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Whoa, oh, yeah!

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Sha. Na. Boom. Boom. Yeah. *

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah

* Say it, say it, say it say it, say it *

[song fades] * Sha-na-na-na-boom boom, yeah *

* Ohhhhh

* Sha-na-boom boom, yeah [song ends]

*