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1
00:00:04,583 --> 00:00:06,541
- So anyway, of course now
the guy's on top of me
2
00:00:06,625 --> 00:00:07,958
going at it, you know.
3
00:00:09,375 --> 00:00:11,041
T-shirt's still on
'cause his breasts
4
00:00:11,125 --> 00:00:13,000
are bigger than mine...
5
00:00:13,083 --> 00:00:15,041
And I told him... what?
6
00:00:15,125 --> 00:00:17,375
I was jealous.
7
00:00:17,457 --> 00:00:20,582
So anyway, the dummy
starts asking me questions.
8
00:00:20,666 --> 00:00:23,207
"Are you close?
Are you close?"
9
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,041
I'm like, "Yeah.
Yeah.
10
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,207
"I'm close.
I'm close.
11
00:00:27,291 --> 00:00:29,541
"I'm close to getting
a buzzcut, a flannel shirt,
12
00:00:29,625 --> 00:00:33,000
and finally accepting Melissa
Etheridge's dinner invite!"
13
00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:38,665
I'm still Deborah Vance.
14
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:41,082
Goodnight, Las Vegas!
15
00:00:46,790 --> 00:00:48,957
- Great show.
- Thank you.
16
00:00:49,665 --> 00:00:50,915
Love these new heels.
17
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,625
Yeah, let's use them
this Friday night,
18
00:00:52,707 --> 00:00:54,387
but let's put a little tread
on the bottom.
19
00:00:54,415 --> 00:00:56,457
- Copy.
- I almost slipped.
20
00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,299
I knew these earrings
were gonna be too heavy.
21
00:00:59,332 --> 00:01:00,415
Great show.
22
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:01,832
- I was right.
23
00:01:05,415 --> 00:01:07,415
- Towel?
- No thanks, sweetie.
24
00:01:08,165 --> 00:01:09,457
So Bill, how'd they do?
25
00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:10,915
- Didn't cover
the fuckin' spread.
26
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,207
I'm out two grand.
27
00:01:12,290 --> 00:01:13,750
- Hoo-hoo.
Good luck with Beverly.
28
00:01:13,832 --> 00:01:15,915
You sleep on the couch
more than my dogs do.
29
00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:22,625
- Hey, Deb.
- Lookin' good, ladies.
30
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,207
- They want us wheels up in 25.
- I'll be quick.
31
00:01:25,290 --> 00:01:26,625
- And after the taping tomorrow,
32
00:01:26,707 --> 00:01:28,250
I got QVC to give us
a studio space
33
00:01:28,332 --> 00:01:29,641
to shoot
the Christmas album cover.
34
00:01:29,665 --> 00:01:30,915
- Ooh, love it.
35
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,000
- Also, Damien has
some historic news.
36
00:01:33,082 --> 00:01:34,290
- EBay is my bitch.
- No.
37
00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:35,665
- The Verdure tapestry is yours.
38
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:36,750
Yes!
39
00:01:36,832 --> 00:01:38,540
That's what I like to hear.
40
00:01:38,625 --> 00:01:41,290
- Great show, Deb.
- Thanks, baby.
41
00:01:41,375 --> 00:01:43,665
- Car's out front.
- Okay.
42
00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:45,790
Let's party.
43
00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:48,375
Aww, did you like the show?
I'm so sorry.
44
00:01:48,457 --> 00:01:50,625
We're running late
to the airport.
45
00:01:50,707 --> 00:01:52,000
Thank you so much.
46
00:01:52,082 --> 00:01:53,125
Love you guys.
47
00:01:53,207 --> 00:01:54,665
Love you guys.
Mwah.
48
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,290
- Look at the veining.
49
00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:08,332
Wow, this rose marble.
50
00:02:08,415 --> 00:02:10,290
- Look at the detail
in that crystal work.
51
00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:11,790
It's like
a million little winks.
52
00:02:11,875 --> 00:02:13,582
- I've never found
glass handles like this
53
00:02:13,665 --> 00:02:16,165
on any bath caddy
that I have ever used.
54
00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:17,707
- Very intentional.
55
00:02:17,790 --> 00:02:19,832
I am hearing that
we have sold out once again.
56
00:02:19,915 --> 00:02:21,165
My goodness!
57
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,750
We are a team.
That's incredible.
58
00:02:23,832 --> 00:02:25,375
Someone's been a bad boy.
59
00:02:25,457 --> 00:02:27,415
Have you been a bad boy?
- Ho, ho, ho.
60
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:28,957
He called me a ho.
61
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,500
- Have you been naughty or nice?
62
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,707
- Goodnight, Ronnie.
63
00:03:04,540 --> 00:03:06,125
Dinner's ready!
64
00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:10,040
There you are, my darlings.
65
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:11,250
There you go.
66
00:03:40,582 --> 00:03:42,707
- You know how I'm redoing
the casino's east tower?
67
00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:44,082
Yeah.
68
00:03:44,165 --> 00:03:45,925
- So the contractor
double orders everything.
69
00:03:45,957 --> 00:03:47,207
- Ooh.
70
00:03:47,290 --> 00:03:48,475
- And what the hell
am I supposed to do
71
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:49,875
with two tons of fertilizer?
72
00:03:49,957 --> 00:03:51,707
- Dump it on
Steve Wynn's doorstep.
73
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:54,665
Ha!
Bingo.
74
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:57,082
- Come on.
You set me up.
75
00:03:57,165 --> 00:04:00,415
- Deb, 2,500 shows.
76
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:03,250
Now, I think
it's a Vegas record.
77
00:04:03,332 --> 00:04:04,332
- It is.
78
00:04:04,415 --> 00:04:06,457
- Well, then cheers.
- Cheers.
79
00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:09,500
- And they're naming
a street after you.
80
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,332
- I know.
Deborah Vance Drive.
81
00:04:11,415 --> 00:04:12,536
It'll probably be a dead end
82
00:04:12,582 --> 00:04:13,957
with an abortion clinic on it.
83
00:04:19,915 --> 00:04:22,375
Now that the big show's
all planned,
84
00:04:22,457 --> 00:04:25,707
maybe it's a good time
to talk about the future.
85
00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:29,290
You know you'll always be a part
86
00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,165
of the Palmetto's history,
87
00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:33,457
but maybe it'd be good
88
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,707
if you did
a few less shows a year.
89
00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,790
- Good for who?
90
00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:39,665
Yeah.
91
00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:41,540
I need some marquee dates
92
00:04:41,625 --> 00:04:43,957
for new acts,
93
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,707
like Pentatonix.
94
00:04:45,790 --> 00:04:47,125
- What the hell is that?
95
00:04:47,207 --> 00:04:49,457
- They're a beatbox-forward
a cappella group.
96
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,375
They do medleys.
97
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:54,250
They won "The Sing-Off."
98
00:04:54,332 --> 00:04:55,875
- Who gives a shit?
99
00:04:55,957 --> 00:04:57,540
- Look, I have
two buckets to fill:
100
00:04:57,625 --> 00:04:59,290
families and idiots
in their 20s.
101
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:01,708
The families want to see
singing and dancing,
102
00:05:01,790 --> 00:05:03,665
and the college kids
want to spend a grand
103
00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:06,125
to watch a guy in a helmet
hit play on an iPod.
104
00:05:06,208 --> 00:05:08,000
- You're forgetting
about your third bucket,
105
00:05:08,083 --> 00:05:09,833
people from Florida.
106
00:05:09,915 --> 00:05:12,583
They love me,
and my numbers are strong.
107
00:05:12,665 --> 00:05:14,000
- You'll still be doing shows,
108
00:05:14,083 --> 00:05:15,665
just not Friday and Saturday.
109
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,707
Just the most important nights.
110
00:05:17,790 --> 00:05:19,540
Un-fucking-believable.
111
00:05:19,625 --> 00:05:21,540
- Deb, why do you even want
112
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,165
to do a hundred-plus
shows a year?
113
00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:25,165
It's not like you're having fun.
114
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:27,290
I mean, you're
on cruise control up there.
115
00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:28,582
- I fucking wish!
- All right.
116
00:05:28,665 --> 00:05:30,000
- I wish
I was on cruise control.
117
00:05:30,082 --> 00:05:32,040
I've been playing defense
my entire career
118
00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:33,665
thanks to assholes like you!
119
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,250
- Deborah, calm down please.
- What do you care?
120
00:05:36,332 --> 00:05:38,332
You own the place,
and the service sucks.
121
00:05:38,415 --> 00:05:39,625
- Great.
122
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:42,415
- Where's my fucking doggy bag?
123
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,875
- Okay, all right.
124
00:05:43,957 --> 00:05:46,375
- I'll take his too.
- Okay.
125
00:05:46,457 --> 00:05:48,582
- And the fork!
126
00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:53,332
There was a cockroach
in my salad!
127
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,625
- Shit.
128
00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:58,375
Comp everybody.
- Okay.
129
00:06:06,915 --> 00:06:08,516
- I guess I should just
jump out the window.
130
00:06:08,540 --> 00:06:10,100
- Well, you'd probably just
break your legs
131
00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:11,875
because there's that
12th floor terrace,
132
00:06:11,958 --> 00:06:14,290
but... if you're seriously
thinking of hurting yourself...
133
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,708
- I'm not.
134
00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:17,141
Plus, I've told you
how I would kill myself
135
00:06:17,165 --> 00:06:18,250
a million times.
- Yeah.
136
00:06:18,332 --> 00:06:19,582
- I'd wear a suicide vest on...
137
00:06:19,665 --> 00:06:21,000
"Watch What Happens Live."
138
00:06:21,082 --> 00:06:22,516
- Very funny.
- Y... you can't get me
139
00:06:22,540 --> 00:06:23,915
a meeting to write on anything.
140
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,250
I... I'm just done
because of one mistake?
141
00:06:26,332 --> 00:06:28,350
- Well, it was one mistake
and then a series of replies
142
00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:29,750
where you doubled downed, Ava.
143
00:06:29,832 --> 00:06:31,832
- I didn't do anything wrong.
144
00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:39,082
- Here, you're dripping
on the leather.
145
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:42,040
I just got those chairs.
It was a whole thing.
146
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,125
I had to get approvals.
147
00:06:44,207 --> 00:06:47,832
Look, you know I love your
strong female POV. Obsessed.
148
00:06:47,915 --> 00:06:49,750
But maybe in the future,
149
00:06:49,832 --> 00:06:52,000
you don't need to say
exactly how you're feeling
150
00:06:52,082 --> 00:06:53,582
about everything at all times.
151
00:06:53,665 --> 00:06:54,915
My God.
152
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,250
I'm sorry if I was unfiltered
153
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,790
and honest or whatever,
154
00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,040
but that's literally what
155
00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:00,458
people like about my writing.
156
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:01,975
Now... now all of a sudden,
it's a problem?
157
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,125
I mean, where's the line?
158
00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:04,790
- I don't know, okay?
159
00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:07,250
All I do know is you need
to lay low for a while.
160
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,625
- Yeah, I can't lay low.
I need to work.
161
00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:11,208
You know I send money
to my parents,
162
00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:12,583
and I just bought a house.
163
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,165
- I thought it was a townhouse.
164
00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:17,000
- Yeah, well, it cost
as much as a house house.
165
00:07:17,082 --> 00:07:19,625
- I hate to say this, but maybe
you should consider selling it.
166
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,500
- I have.
I can't immediately re-list it.
167
00:07:21,582 --> 00:07:23,290
I'm gonna lose
a shit ton of money.
168
00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:25,165
My realtor accidentally CCd me
on an email
169
00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:26,790
where she said
she got me a bad deal.
170
00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:28,457
- Oof.
Email's tricky.
171
00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:30,040
This is probably
172
00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:31,957
just residual
Catholic guilt bullshit,
173
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,582
but I... I can't help feeling
174
00:07:34,665 --> 00:07:36,433
that this is all punishment
for getting fingered
175
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,290
at my Uncle Rocco's wake.
176
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:41,250
- Okay, great example of what
I'm talking about, Ava.
177
00:07:41,332 --> 00:07:44,250
I never need to know
where you've been fingered.
178
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:47,009
- You don't know where
a woman gets fingered?
179
00:07:47,082 --> 00:07:48,875
- Ava.
180
00:07:48,957 --> 00:07:51,540
Please, I'm really
trying here, okay?
181
00:07:51,625 --> 00:07:52,832
I've called everybody,
182
00:07:52,915 --> 00:07:54,832
but I'm sorry.
183
00:07:54,915 --> 00:07:57,625
Nobody seems interested
in helping you right now.
184
00:07:57,707 --> 00:07:59,582
Also, don't vape in here.
185
00:07:59,665 --> 00:08:00,865
- It's not...
- It's all glass.
186
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:03,375
Just vape outside.
Wait one minute.
187
00:08:03,458 --> 00:08:04,708
- This is so unfair.
188
00:08:04,790 --> 00:08:06,500
- Would a hug make
you feel better?
189
00:08:06,583 --> 00:08:08,225
I can't technically touch you
without someone else present.
190
00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:09,875
We had a meeting about it, but...
191
00:08:09,958 --> 00:08:11,000
Hi, dude.
192
00:08:11,083 --> 00:08:12,333
- Hi.
193
00:08:12,415 --> 00:08:13,850
- Um, you told me to,
like, interrupt you
194
00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:15,165
when more important
clients call,
195
00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,665
and Deborah Vance is on the line
196
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:18,750
and, like, she's not,
like, as important.
197
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,673
So I'm just, like,
kinda giving you a heads up.
198
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,434
- Kayla, can you set her up
somewhere comfortable, please?
199
00:08:22,457 --> 00:08:24,250
- Absolutely.
Follow me, chica.
200
00:08:24,332 --> 00:08:25,766
- We're right in the middle
of something.
201
00:08:25,790 --> 00:08:27,290
- Deborah, perfect timing.
202
00:08:27,375 --> 00:08:29,250
How are you, my favorite client?
203
00:08:29,332 --> 00:08:31,000
- Fucking Pentatonix!
204
00:08:31,082 --> 00:08:32,665
Did you know about this, Jimmy?
205
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:35,082
- Do I know the Pentatonix?
Y... yes, love 'em.
206
00:08:35,165 --> 00:08:36,750
I voted for 'em
on "The Sing-Off."
207
00:08:36,832 --> 00:08:38,457
- Marty wants to cut my dates.
208
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:41,707
He blindsided me at lunch,
the dick-less snake.
209
00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:43,915
He says he needs to appeal
to a younger crowd.
210
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,600
You gotta do something
about this, Jimmy.
211
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,540
- Okay, I will call Morty.
212
00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:48,832
- Marty!
213
00:08:48,915 --> 00:08:52,207
- Marty, yes.
But um, I have a pitch.
214
00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:53,832
What if you hire a writer?
215
00:08:53,915 --> 00:08:57,125
I actually represent
a very in-demand young woman.
216
00:08:57,207 --> 00:08:59,125
She wrote for a hit show,
217
00:08:59,207 --> 00:09:00,666
nominated for an Emmy almost,
218
00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,375
everybody is talking about her.
219
00:09:02,457 --> 00:09:03,666
- I write my own material.
220
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:04,750
I do not need a writer.
221
00:09:04,832 --> 00:09:06,416
I need a manager.
222
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,041
- Your father
would've handled this.
223
00:09:08,125 --> 00:09:09,582
He promised me
you'd take care of me.
224
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:13,250
Don't make your dead father
a liar, Jimmy.
225
00:09:27,832 --> 00:09:29,750
So that was Deborah Vance,
226
00:09:29,832 --> 00:09:32,082
and I have incredible news.
227
00:09:32,165 --> 00:09:34,415
She is intrigued
228
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:36,582
by the idea of you
writing jokes for her.
229
00:09:36,665 --> 00:09:39,125
The QVC muumuu lady?
230
00:09:39,207 --> 00:09:40,290
- They're caftans.
231
00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:41,540
- Didn't she, like,
232
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:44,125
burn her husband's house down?
233
00:09:45,332 --> 00:09:46,540
- Yes.
234
00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:48,665
- Yeah, no fucking way.
- She's a legend.
235
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,433
She's one of the biggest
earners at this company,
236
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,290
and you just said
you need to work, so...
237
00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:53,625
- I do, but come on.
238
00:09:53,707 --> 00:09:55,582
I'm not gonna go write
knock-knock jokes
239
00:09:55,665 --> 00:09:58,332
about how men don't put
the toilet seat down.
240
00:09:58,415 --> 00:10:00,582
I'm not that desperate.
241
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,875
- Respectfully, as your manager,
242
00:10:02,957 --> 00:10:05,166
right now,
you are that desperate.
243
00:10:07,375 --> 00:10:09,832
- I know you think
you've called everyone,
244
00:10:09,916 --> 00:10:12,625
but I actually have a lot
of friends who will help me,
245
00:10:12,707 --> 00:10:15,875
so I guess I'll just
handle this on my own.
246
00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:18,707
- Ava, come on.
247
00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:21,125
- Girly, do you need validation?
248
00:10:21,207 --> 00:10:22,957
- Yeah.
- God.
249
00:10:23,041 --> 00:10:25,416
Crap, girl.
That's gonna take me a minute.
250
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,166
- That's fine.
Don't worry about it.
251
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,832
- Bill, can you get Kelly
to help me?
252
00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:38,125
- What the hell?
253
00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:47,250
- Damien!
254
00:10:47,332 --> 00:10:50,082
I need you to go
to the computer store!
255
00:11:01,416 --> 00:11:02,957
Shit.
256
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,207
- Yeah, he's an actor.
257
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:09,225
He says he's shooting
some Richard Linklater movie,
258
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,600
but I guess we won't know
if that's true
259
00:11:10,625 --> 00:11:12,291
- for, like, 20 years.
- My God.
260
00:11:12,375 --> 00:11:13,582
Hey, Taylor.
261
00:11:13,666 --> 00:11:15,416
- Ava, hey.
262
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,291
- How are you?
It's been forever.
263
00:11:18,375 --> 00:11:21,750
How's, the husband?
264
00:11:21,832 --> 00:11:23,457
- Mark?
- Yeah.
265
00:11:23,541 --> 00:11:24,832
- He's my ex-husband now.
266
00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:27,707
Fuck... him then.
267
00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,457
His loss, obviously.
268
00:11:29,541 --> 00:11:31,707
- Thank you.
269
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:32,875
- Hi.
270
00:11:32,957 --> 00:11:35,375
- Okay.
Ava, this is my mom.
271
00:11:35,457 --> 00:11:36,875
We're actually just having lunch
272
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:39,082
before she heads back
to the airport.
273
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:41,290
- My God.
- Your mom?
274
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,415
No, impossible.
275
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,790
Your sister.
Look at that skin.
276
00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:47,832
Get this bitch on Raya!
277
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:48,915
My God.
278
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,915
So congrats on season two.
279
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,750
So cool.
Are... are you guys hiring?
280
00:11:53,832 --> 00:11:55,415
Not even thinking
about that yet.
281
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:56,707
- Really?
282
00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:58,017
'Cause I heard
you're taking meetings,
283
00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,707
and I would love
to work with you.
284
00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:02,707
I mean, you know, obviously
I've been going through a lot,
285
00:12:02,791 --> 00:12:04,957
and I could really use a job.
286
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:07,916
- Ma'am, you're blocking
the driveway
287
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,375
to Tommy Hilfiger.
288
00:12:09,457 --> 00:12:11,582
- No, that's...
- That's not mine.
289
00:12:11,666 --> 00:12:13,916
I don't drive.
I don't have a car.
290
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,582
- I saw you do it.
291
00:12:15,666 --> 00:12:17,916
You're holding the keys.
292
00:12:19,082 --> 00:12:20,683
- Ava, why don't we
just talk next week, kay?
293
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,207
- You know, I would love to,
294
00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:23,791
but you haven't really responded
295
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:25,207
to any of my texts or emails,
296
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:27,666
so I would just love
to talk right now.
297
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:30,125
Okay, fine.
298
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,625
Ava, I can't hire you. Okay?
299
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:33,790
I'm sorry,
but I have to protect the show.
300
00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:34,957
- I'm just gonna get that.
301
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,957
- No, I got it.
I'm going.
302
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,665
So I make one stupid joke,
and everyone just turns on me?
303
00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:42,500
This is so fucked up.
304
00:12:42,582 --> 00:12:45,415
I thought we were friends.
- Did you?
305
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,125
Because you barely talked to me
306
00:12:47,207 --> 00:12:49,250
until I got a show so...
307
00:12:49,332 --> 00:12:50,915
- I don't remember it that way.
308
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,207
- Yeah, I'm sure you don't.
309
00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:56,457
Listen, I know this seems like
the worst thing in the world,
310
00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:58,957
but it's really not.
311
00:12:59,375 --> 00:13:00,625
- Hey!
312
00:13:00,707 --> 00:13:02,416
Move your shit-box car, bitch,
313
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,582
or I'll fucking kill you!
314
00:13:06,332 --> 00:13:08,041
- I'm sorry.
315
00:13:09,625 --> 00:13:12,666
You really do have amazing skin.
316
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,000
Deborah?
317
00:13:23,082 --> 00:13:24,207
- Yes?
318
00:13:24,291 --> 00:13:26,166
I'm sorry to bother you...
319
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:28,082
Your sister's on the phone.
320
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:31,750
- How the hell
did she get my number?
321
00:13:31,832 --> 00:13:33,207
No.
322
00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:39,415
- Beloved entertainer
and producer, Frank Vance,
323
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:43,040
died today at the age of 74
in his Monterey home.
324
00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:45,500
Vance's career began in 1973
325
00:13:45,582 --> 00:13:48,040
with the CBS sitcom
"Who's Making Dinner?"
326
00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:51,540
which he starred in with his
then-wife, Deborah Vance.
327
00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:53,915
The couple made headlines
when they divorced
328
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,375
after Deborah Vance set fire...
329
00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:00,582
- I can't believe
they used that photo.
330
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:04,707
- Do you wanna maybe
take tonight off?
331
00:14:07,416 --> 00:14:09,207
- Why would I do that?
332
00:14:11,625 --> 00:14:13,375
Ladies, have you ever noticed
333
00:14:13,457 --> 00:14:15,957
that men seem to feel entitled
334
00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:18,332
to sex on their birthday?
335
00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:20,416
No, thanks.
You know, a word of advice.
336
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:23,041
Next time, marry a guy
born on leap day.
337
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:27,416
You know what I mean?
338
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,416
You know, a leap day,
339
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,041
leap year every four years.
340
00:14:31,125 --> 00:14:32,582
Yeah, never mind.
341
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,625
- Hey.
- Hey.
342
00:15:05,707 --> 00:15:07,750
- Have a good night.
343
00:15:09,416 --> 00:15:10,832
- Hey.
344
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,707
- What?
345
00:15:20,207 --> 00:15:22,541
- Wait, do you have a condom?
346
00:15:22,625 --> 00:15:24,791
- Um, I think so.
347
00:15:31,916 --> 00:15:33,556
- You look so hot.
- I have one somewhere.
348
00:15:36,165 --> 00:15:37,665
Shit.
349
00:15:44,457 --> 00:15:46,832
- Why would they put
the kitchen shit up here?
350
00:15:46,915 --> 00:15:49,290
- Shit.
- Is that a Vitamix?
351
00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:11,291
- Hello?
- Hey.
352
00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:13,207
I tried you
a few times last night.
353
00:16:13,291 --> 00:16:15,750
- Sorry.
- I was fucking my Postmate.
354
00:16:15,832 --> 00:16:18,582
- Okay, I'm going to choose
to ignore that.
355
00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:20,375
So Deborah wants to meet.
356
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,000
I know you don't think
she's cool,
357
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,957
but I really think
you should reconsider.
358
00:16:24,041 --> 00:16:26,250
- Hey, mama.
- You know, it's a job.
359
00:16:26,332 --> 00:16:28,166
Work begets work.
I know you really need
360
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:30,207
something right now,
so I don't know.
361
00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:33,375
I think it could be worth it
if you just give it a try.
362
00:16:33,457 --> 00:16:35,290
- I'll do it.
363
00:16:35,375 --> 00:16:37,375
- Really?
That's great.
364
00:16:37,457 --> 00:16:39,375
Okay, um, could you meet today?
365
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,332
- All right, fine.
366
00:16:41,415 --> 00:16:44,207
Do I have to go all the way
to Beverly Hills or something?
367
00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:45,625
- Um...
368
00:16:45,707 --> 00:16:47,125
No.
369
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,375
- Welcome to Las Vegas, Nevada.
370
00:16:49,457 --> 00:16:51,625
The current temperature
is 111 degrees.
371
00:17:10,208 --> 00:17:11,915
- Jimmy.
- Hey, hey, Marcus.
372
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,165
How's my favorite CEO?
373
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,375
COO, yes.
374
00:17:15,458 --> 00:17:18,165
Chief Operating Officer.
You go off, king.
375
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:21,208
Um, listen.
I need a favor.
376
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,875
- How scared should I be?
377
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,517
- Look, I'm sending
a writer to Las Vegas,
378
00:17:24,540 --> 00:17:25,875
but Deborah is unaware.
379
00:17:25,958 --> 00:17:27,142
You know if she wants
to keep her dates,
380
00:17:27,165 --> 00:17:28,375
she's gotta do something.
381
00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:29,750
It could be good.
382
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:31,125
It could be good.
383
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:32,688
It could be bad,
but it could be good.
384
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:55,415
- Holy shit.
385
00:17:57,540 --> 00:17:59,625
- We need a wealth tax.
386
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,665
Hi.
387
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,875
- You can wait in here.
388
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,458
Would you like something
to drink while you wait?
389
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:14,000
We have coffee, tea, iced tea,
lemonade, Diet Coke,
390
00:18:14,083 --> 00:18:15,458
regular Coke, Coke Zero, Tab...
391
00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:17,625
- Um, I'll just...
I'll just take a water.
392
00:18:17,708 --> 00:18:18,708
- Okay.
393
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:20,208
We have Pellegrino, Perrier,
394
00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:21,625
Acqua Panna, Voss...
395
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:23,458
- I'll just take tap.
396
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:25,875
- The Acqua Panna is the best.
397
00:18:25,958 --> 00:18:27,125
- Okay, I'll have that.
398
00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:28,915
- Okay.
399
00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:06,790
Deborah, a girl is here
400
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:09,250
from Jimmy, a redhead.
401
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:10,333
- What?
402
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:11,875
- Okay, Jimmy did
send that writer.
403
00:19:11,958 --> 00:19:13,625
- That little shit.
- I know, but listen,
404
00:19:13,708 --> 00:19:16,333
we may be able to use this
to stall Marty on the dates.
405
00:19:16,415 --> 00:19:18,375
It's just for optics.
406
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,750
Just sit down with her.
407
00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:28,125
- Hi, I'm Ava.
It's so nice to meet...
408
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,250
- Sit, sit.
409
00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:38,750
- You know, I've actually
never been to Vegas.
410
00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:41,290
Do you ever get used
to this heat?
411
00:19:41,375 --> 00:19:43,540
- Yes.
412
00:19:43,625 --> 00:19:45,790
So Jimmy tells me
that you're a very talented...
413
00:19:45,875 --> 00:19:47,833
- No, let go of it!
Mom!
414
00:19:47,915 --> 00:19:50,875
Mom, they're being insane.
They're not letting me leave.
415
00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:53,250
- Sorry, apparently,
she won't let Josefina see.
416
00:19:55,375 --> 00:19:58,583
- My God.
- There's nothing in here.
417
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:00,165
- Give.
418
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:02,040
- Fine.
419
00:20:02,125 --> 00:20:03,790
You see the shit
I gotta put up with?
420
00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:06,040
Unbelievable.
421
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:09,875
They're antibiotics.
422
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,333
I've got a fuckin' UTI,
okay, everybody?
423
00:20:13,415 --> 00:20:15,665
I'm so sorry
I didn't feel like broadcasting
424
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:18,458
to the whole world,
but you got me.
425
00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:19,708
You got me, detectives.
426
00:20:19,790 --> 00:20:21,290
I need relief
427
00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:23,750
from my horrific
urethra pain, okay?
428
00:20:23,833 --> 00:20:25,290
Everybody happy now?
429
00:20:25,375 --> 00:20:26,625
- Not happy, no.
430
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:27,915
- Just glad to see you're
431
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,000
getting your fluids, sweetheart.
432
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,500
You'll have to excuse her.
433
00:20:45,583 --> 00:20:47,125
She has a UTI.
434
00:20:47,208 --> 00:20:48,540
- That's fine.
435
00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:49,958
And her father just died.
436
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,415
- My God.
- I'm so sorry.
437
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:52,875
Are... are you okay?
438
00:20:52,958 --> 00:20:55,458
- Me?
Thrilled.
439
00:20:55,540 --> 00:20:57,083
So why are you here?
440
00:20:57,165 --> 00:20:59,000
Um, well, obviously
441
00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:00,625
it would be a huge honor
442
00:21:00,708 --> 00:21:02,290
to work with someone like you
443
00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:04,375
who's been working so...
444
00:21:04,458 --> 00:21:06,875
successfully for so long.
445
00:21:06,958 --> 00:21:09,750
I mean, you're a legend.
446
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,790
- Wow, a legend.
- Yeah.
447
00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:13,290
- So you're a fan?
448
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:16,665
- I mean, of course.
Would I be here if I wasn't?
449
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,625
- What's your favorite
joke of mine?
450
00:21:21,125 --> 00:21:24,083
Man, you know...
451
00:21:24,165 --> 00:21:25,625
That's so hard.
452
00:21:25,708 --> 00:21:27,040
- Well, it shouldn't be.
453
00:21:27,125 --> 00:21:29,958
I've written over 30,000.
Just pick one.
454
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,833
You know what?
455
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,875
I would have to say
that your TV show
456
00:21:35,958 --> 00:21:39,290
is my personal favorite thing
that you've ever done.
457
00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:42,165
- You mean my sitcom from 1973?
458
00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:43,665
You've seen it?
459
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:45,500
Yeah.
460
00:21:45,583 --> 00:21:48,500
I mean I've... yeah, I've seen...
461
00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:51,750
Um, clips.
462
00:21:51,833 --> 00:21:53,833
- Clips?
463
00:21:53,915 --> 00:21:55,333
Wonderful.
464
00:21:56,708 --> 00:21:59,165
Yeah, well, um, you know,
465
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,000
a lot of the actors on the show
466
00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:04,665
that I most recently worked on
were stand-ups...
467
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:07,750
- You know, I'm gonna stop you
right there.
468
00:22:07,833 --> 00:22:10,125
I don't work with writers.
469
00:22:10,208 --> 00:22:11,500
- You don't?
- No.
470
00:22:11,583 --> 00:22:13,875
Jimmy sent you
against my wishes.
471
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:15,875
- I'm gonna kill him.
472
00:22:15,958 --> 00:22:18,000
- No, I'm gonna kill him.
473
00:22:18,083 --> 00:22:21,208
- Great, well, this sucks.
474
00:22:21,290 --> 00:22:23,540
- Yeah, this sucks.
475
00:22:23,625 --> 00:22:25,517
Well, but at least you didn't
waste too much time
476
00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:27,540
researching me.
477
00:22:27,625 --> 00:22:28,750
- I'm sorry.
478
00:22:28,833 --> 00:22:30,665
Did I do something
to offend you?
479
00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:34,540
- Other than walk those chimney
sweep boots on my silk rug?
480
00:22:34,625 --> 00:22:36,958
Um, no.
481
00:22:37,958 --> 00:22:39,500
- Sorry, I...
482
00:22:39,583 --> 00:22:41,875
I didn't realize it was
a shoes-off situation.
483
00:22:41,958 --> 00:22:44,208
- Well, it's shoe-dependent.
484
00:22:46,290 --> 00:22:48,333
Thank you for your time.
485
00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:55,333
Good luck with your career,
honey.
486
00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:56,625
- Fucking bitch.
487
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:57,915
- Excuse me.
488
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,915
Did you have
something else to say?
489
00:23:01,833 --> 00:23:02,915
- Yeah.
490
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,250
You've just been pretty rude,
491
00:23:04,333 --> 00:23:06,040
and I dropped everything
to come here.
492
00:23:06,125 --> 00:23:07,708
Christ.
493
00:23:07,790 --> 00:23:11,000
You wanted a gold star
just for showing up.
494
00:23:11,083 --> 00:23:12,500
- Kinda, yeah.
495
00:23:12,583 --> 00:23:13,665
Because you're right.
496
00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:14,790
I'm not a fan of yours.
497
00:23:14,875 --> 00:23:16,125
You caught me.
498
00:23:16,208 --> 00:23:17,683
This is all just
a little fucking annoying
499
00:23:17,708 --> 00:23:19,250
because I flew all the way here
500
00:23:19,333 --> 00:23:20,915
on Spirit fucking Airlines
501
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,250
even though I didn't want
this job in the first place.
502
00:23:23,333 --> 00:23:25,040
I mean, the last thing on Earth
503
00:23:25,125 --> 00:23:27,625
I want to do
is move to the desert
504
00:23:27,708 --> 00:23:31,000
to write some lame jokes
for an old hack.
505
00:23:32,375 --> 00:23:34,083
- I think you better leave.
- Yeah.
506
00:23:34,165 --> 00:23:35,583
- Can I show you to the door,
507
00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:37,183
or would you like
to go back up the chimney?
508
00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:38,458
- No.
- I know my way out.
509
00:23:38,540 --> 00:23:39,915
By the way, so cool
510
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,958
they let you move
into a Cheesecake Factory.
511
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:43,458
Is that where you wait tables?
512
00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:44,933
- That seems like a better fit.
- Yeah.
513
00:23:44,958 --> 00:23:47,000
I agree, you classist monster.
514
00:23:47,083 --> 00:23:49,415
I'd rather sling
Bang Bang Chicken and Shrimp
515
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:50,750
all day than work here.
516
00:23:50,833 --> 00:23:51,958
I mean, fuck.
What is this?
517
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,000
50 tassels on one couch?
518
00:23:54,083 --> 00:23:56,125
Even Liberace would think
it's a bit much.
519
00:23:56,208 --> 00:23:58,500
- No, you're incorrect.
- He actually loved it.
520
00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,000
He did poppers
on that couch in '85.
521
00:24:01,083 --> 00:24:02,290
Cool.
522
00:24:02,375 --> 00:24:03,875
I'm glad Liberace's butthole
523
00:24:03,958 --> 00:24:05,833
was nice and loose
in your house.
524
00:24:05,915 --> 00:24:07,290
Maybe you should've joined him
525
00:24:07,375 --> 00:24:10,625
since yours
is obviously tight as fuck.
526
00:24:10,708 --> 00:24:12,333
Hey, before I leave,
527
00:24:12,415 --> 00:24:14,415
did you want to inspect my bag?
528
00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:16,458
Maybe I should just
piss in a cup.
529
00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:18,458
You know what?
I'm gonna go ahead.
530
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:21,208
I'm just gonna leave
a stool sample on your lawn.
531
00:24:25,083 --> 00:24:26,083
Okay.
532
00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:28,333
Why are you really here?
533
00:24:28,415 --> 00:24:31,000
If you're so "in demand,"
534
00:24:31,083 --> 00:24:33,165
why are you meeting with me?
535
00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:35,665
- Because I can't get
any other job, okay?
536
00:24:35,750 --> 00:24:38,165
I tweeted a joke
about that closeted senator
537
00:24:38,250 --> 00:24:40,665
who's sending his son
to conversion therapy camp
538
00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:42,665
or whatever,
and everybody freaked out.
539
00:24:42,750 --> 00:24:45,415
And then some other asshole
dug up some stupid shit I said
540
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:48,333
when I was, like, 20 years old,
and I lost my deal.
541
00:24:48,415 --> 00:24:51,500
And now no one will hire me,
including you apparently.
542
00:24:51,583 --> 00:24:54,165
So yeah, my life
is pretty much ruined.
543
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:56,125
Your life is ruined.
544
00:24:56,208 --> 00:24:58,665
Please, it sounds like
a Tuesday for me.
545
00:24:58,750 --> 00:25:01,415
Besides, you're just a writer.
No one cares.
546
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:04,583
- Well, actually,
people really do care.
547
00:25:04,665 --> 00:25:07,500
It's been a huge
fucking problem for me.
548
00:25:10,583 --> 00:25:13,250
So what was it?
549
00:25:13,333 --> 00:25:16,708
This joke that supposedly
ruined your life.
550
00:25:16,790 --> 00:25:18,625
I gotta hear it.
551
00:25:23,708 --> 00:25:24,958
Senator Rogers is upset
552
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,875
because he found out
his kid is gay.
553
00:25:26,958 --> 00:25:28,915
Apparently, he heard it
from one of the guys
554
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,375
he was sucking off
in the Senate cloak room.
555
00:25:31,458 --> 00:25:33,208
Yeah, I... I don't even
do jokes like that.
556
00:25:33,290 --> 00:25:34,933
I was just trying to call him
out for being a hypocrite
557
00:25:34,958 --> 00:25:37,333
because he was caught
with a male escort.
558
00:25:37,415 --> 00:25:39,208
It didn't help that
it was a slow news day,
559
00:25:39,290 --> 00:25:42,540
but I... I guess
I crossed a line or whatever.
560
00:25:42,625 --> 00:25:45,415
- Honey, no.
- There is no line.
561
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:46,750
It's just not funny.
562
00:25:46,833 --> 00:25:48,290
I mean, you should
be blacklisted
563
00:25:48,375 --> 00:25:49,708
for how bad that joke is.
564
00:25:49,790 --> 00:25:51,308
- Cool, thank you so much
for having me.
565
00:25:51,333 --> 00:25:52,625
I'm glad we did this.
566
00:25:52,708 --> 00:25:55,083
I am starting to see
why your husband left you
567
00:25:55,165 --> 00:25:56,708
for your own sister now.
568
00:25:56,790 --> 00:25:58,165
Buh-bye.
569
00:26:11,833 --> 00:26:13,915
My God.
570
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,750
Holy shit.
571
00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:18,375
What is she doing?
572
00:26:25,583 --> 00:26:27,458
What the fuck?
573
00:26:32,290 --> 00:26:33,333
My God.
574
00:26:33,415 --> 00:26:34,750
- Sending your son to the woods
575
00:26:34,833 --> 00:26:36,351
with a bunch
of other horny, gay teens.
576
00:26:36,375 --> 00:26:38,208
The only thing
you're gonna convert him to
577
00:26:38,290 --> 00:26:40,540
is from a top to a bottom.
578
00:26:41,375 --> 00:26:42,290
- Okay?
579
00:26:42,375 --> 00:26:43,915
- Now, that's a better joke.
580
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,125
My God. That's why
you almost just killed me?
581
00:26:46,208 --> 00:26:48,327
- Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no.
We keep it on the dad.
582
00:26:48,375 --> 00:26:51,790
Senator Rogers has been
in the closet so long,
583
00:26:51,875 --> 00:26:54,290
his wife keeps trying
to donate him to Goodwill.
584
00:26:54,375 --> 00:26:56,540
- Okay, to be clear,
these are all problematic,
585
00:26:56,625 --> 00:26:59,625
but what if it's something
like Senator Rogers
586
00:26:59,708 --> 00:27:02,500
has been in the closet so long,
all his friends are mothballs?
587
00:27:02,583 --> 00:27:03,958
- Mothballs.
588
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,375
Senator Rogers has been
in the closet so long,
589
00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:08,790
he shits mothballs.
590
00:27:08,875 --> 00:27:11,833
- Yeah, that's pretty good.
- Yeah, that's it. That's it.
591
00:27:11,915 --> 00:27:14,333
- Okay, um, can I go now?
592
00:27:14,415 --> 00:27:16,708
- No.
No, you're hired.
593
00:27:17,790 --> 00:27:19,208
- Wait, what?
594
00:27:19,290 --> 00:27:21,000
I said I didn't want the job.
595
00:27:21,083 --> 00:27:22,458
- Yeah, well, you need it.
596
00:27:22,540 --> 00:27:24,665
Write me 20 jokes
before tomorrow morning.
597
00:27:24,750 --> 00:27:28,375
And nothing about pantyhose
or the Challenger explosion.
598
00:27:28,458 --> 00:27:30,625
I've done 'em all.
599
00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:37,000
- What the fuck just happened?
46012
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