Original subtitles

This could not have gone more wrong.

What happened?

We've spent a couple of months living your life.

Adventures and victories.

And now...

we're living my life.

Next time,

find somewhere less dangerous to pee, huh?

Yeah.

This isn't my fault.

Quite fair. This one's on me.

I will make it right.

On your own?

We're outnumbered, they're bigger than us,

and they look quite annoyed.

You may want to crouch.

Huh...

Look.

Where did they get that?

Perhaps it washed out of the castle at Braila.

No wonder these creatures were so angry.

We disturbed them while they were praying to it.

Huh?

It's a spell.

Murder wakes it up.

What kind of spell?

Resurrection.

It wouldn't have worked. It's missing parts.

But he would have killed these people to try.

And the other thing?

A sigil.

Sort of a magical code.

It will have the name of the person

he was trying to bring back from the dead.

Oh, let me guess.

It decodes as Vlad Dracula Tepes.

Why the fuck would anyone do that?

Hmm?

Would you do that?

Oh, exactly.

God, this is getting on my nerves.

I wish I could fucking kill you twice!

Shit!

What did you just say?

I said, "shit," okay?

Yes, it's just that you never, you know, curse.

Oh!

I never used to, and then all this happened.

And then you happened.

- Me? - Yes, you.

I was nice.

And then I met you, and now I'm like you.

Oh, so it's my fault.

It's all your fault!

You did this to me!

I found you turned into a statue

in a fucking tomb!

And climbed all over me,

and since that moment everything has been shit and...

Aah!

I am fucking talking here!

And you turned me into someone who says "shit."

Fuckity shit hairy arse-warts giant slimy balls!

Shit!

Aah!

Human sacrifice really is back in fashion.

Do we think this is about Dracula again?

I think these people are just out of their minds.

And so we're not going to try and reason with them.

No!

They were going to murder children.

Kids, lay down flat. Now!

What's that thing?

I've only seen drawings in books.

He has a lot of names.

Most often, he's called the Grim Reaper.

Or just Death.

He's actually Death?

I mean, this is what Death looks like?

Because I was hoping for something nicer.

Nah.

Just people from an earlier time

trying to understand what they were seeing.

There are elemental beings that just feed on things in nature.

He's not Death. He just eats death.

So this is just a shrine to him, you think?

People who still think this is Death itself?

Paying tribute.

Maybe in the hope that he can give Dracula back to them.

Don't get me wrong.

He's supposed to be lethal.

But he's not the sort of power who can reach into Hell

and pull someone out.

The whole world's gone crazy.

And this big stone?

Flagstone.

Must have been prized up from a town square somewhere.

What's the nearest place that would have flagstones in their square?

This is getting harder.

Really?

I hadn't noticed over the sound

of all my muscles and bones screaming.

Oh, God.

You'll live.

God, I hope so.

What were they even looking for down here?

They can't need more weapons.

This stuff.

A lot of it is a good deal older.

Hmm.

This stinks of magic.

They were looking for tools.

If we hadn't lost track of them,

these people would all still be alive.

Yeah.

This is where you're supposed to say

that it's not our fault, Trevor.

It's not.

But if we weren't so tired after six weeks of this shit,

they would have had a better chance.

Oh, God.

Right.

We need to find somewhere safe to sleep.

And take tomorrow to rest

and think all this through.

Hmm.

I don't get it.

We killed Dracula.

And now we have to spend the rest of our lives

making sure nobody brings him back from the dead?

This is not what I agreed to.

This is where it all started, isn't it?

Targoviste.

Is that bastard wearing the Belmont crest?

He is.

And that's a Speaker Magician with him.

And Sladek and Ivan didn't come out.

I know that. I've got eyes.

- Shh. - This isn't fair.

I was one of Dracula's first loyal followers.

He was going to give me everything.

And I was close.

So close to fixing it all.

But now I have to deal with a Belmont

and a mad magician?!

Varney, we need to go.

Go where?

This is where I'm supposed to be.

At the start of the war,

I came here to take Targoviste

and give it to Dracula as a gift.

Why is everyone making it so fucking hard?

Don't they know who I am?

No.

I'm Varney.

Night Mayor of London, Terror of the British Isles,

king vampire cocksman of all Europe.

And I don't have to put up with this.

Go, go.

Back to the nest.

I'll have both of you for my fucking dinner.

I should drink more water and less wine.

This is coming out as scabs and wax.

"To the Alucard of the castle."

For God's sake.

Why I am the Alucard now?

To the Alucard of the castle.

We, the people of Danesti, beg your aid."

Night creatures,

vampires and terrible demons assault us,

and we know not why.

Our defenses weaken and our numbers dwindle.

Please, sir, save our souls."

Save our souls.

That's a good 20 miles away.

You can shut up.

And you still kept on riding,

until you died from the pain or the blood loss.

Or both.

You stay right there.

I'm not done with you yet.

A bit less of your shit, please.

Hmm.

Oh, my God.

I'm turning into Belmont.

Frederator!