Original subtitles

- It's better.

- It lacks excitement.

- You still don't like it?

- This is a big presentation.

- Maybe I've heard it too many times.

I need the board to be 100% in.

If they don't approve the next round of funding

in next month's meeting, there won't be an A7.

- We can't keep flying the A6.

- You don't have to convince me

but if you don't convince them,

two of us won't be here at the end of the year.

We'll still be here.

- Oh.

- Punch it up.

- Punch it up?

- So?

- What?

- Tonight.

- Oh, dinner at seven, then I'm gonna do it.

- Have you thought about maybe, I don't know,

just waiting until we wrap up on this A7 deal?

What happens if you get fired before the wedding?

- You think we won't get the deal?

- No, we will, we will.

Yeah, we'll get it.

I just, I worry too much.

Go have a fantastic night

and text me, if you get the chance.

- You're such a great friend.

- We make a great team.

- I'll text you.

- Yeah, he'll text you.

- Melissa.

Over the last two years, you've changed my life.

You've made me a better man

and showed me what real love is.

We've created so many lasting memories,

from Cancun to Canada.

I can't imagine having done it with anyone else.

I know, we're still young.

But if there's one thing I'm sure of, I love you.

Will you make me the happiest man

in the world and marry me?

- Don't stop.

Jason.

- Kyle?

Why?

I'm gonna throw up.

- Stop.

It's not about Kyle.

- If you're having sex with him,

it's like I'm having sex with him.

- Not exactly.

- What if you got pregnant?

We'd be on Maury.

"Jason, you are not the father."

- Kyle and I only have anal sex.

- What?

You told me you didn't.

- Just not with you.

The first time you went there,

you were touching it with your thumbs

like it was a PlayStation button.

Either go in or get out.

- A little navigation would have been nice.

- Oh.

I'm sorry, bro.

I didn't know you and Mel were serious.

- Maybe it's best you go and let Jason and I talk.

- Oh yeah, no problem.

No hard feelings, bro?

- Yes hard feelings, bro.

- Ah, that's too bad, man.

- What was that, Mel?

- Jason.

We need to talk.

It's not you, it's me.

- So do you just have anal with him

or was that just today?

- If we can't just talk, then you need to leave.

- Fine.

- Fine.

- Okay, wait.

Let's talk.

- You should have called before you came over.

- We had dinner plans at now.

- You're right.

I should have told you months ago.

- You've been sleeping with him for months?

- No.

Kyle has just been a few times.

- Oh.

Okay, I can get past that.

- But there's been a few others.

- A few?

Two?

- No, two is two.

A few is two or more.

Look, it's not about how many.

It's about you and me.

The last two years have been...

What I'm trying to say is-

- Wait.

I have something to say.

Melissa, over the last two years

you have changed my life.

You've made me a better man

and helped focus the direction of my life.

- Jason!

It's over.

(somber rock music)

♪ Tell me ♪

♪ Won't you tell me ♪

♪ Where did I go wrong ♪

♪ Why's this light at the end of the tunnel gone ♪

- No hard feelings, bro.

(Jason crying)

♪ I can't believe how lonesome ♪

Melissa.

(Jason breathing heavily)

- I never liked her.

- You're just saying that because she doesn't like you.

- She doesn't like me?

- I miss her.

- Don't be a loser.

- I need to get her back.

- You need revenge sex.

Nothing helps a breakup better.

It's clinically proven.

- Will you stop that?

I'm not gonna sleep with someone else.

- Melissa is, probably right now.

- Don't you have to be somewhere?

♪ Better with you ♪

♪ You had sex with Kyle ♪

♪ In your butt hole ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

- Do you have another brand?

- You're more than welcome to buy your own.

- I like these.

You okay?

- Will you stop drinking all my beer?

- This is not a beer, it's a girl's drink.

You're up early.

This all you got?

- You're free to buy whatever cereal you want.

- Last night, I met these two girls

on my last delivery.

They invited me in and we totally got stoned.

I'm going back tonight.

Come with me.

- I'm good.

- But you gotta get out there.

Okay.

- Hi, Vee.

- Hey, are you avoiding me?

- No.

I just, I didn't get much sleep.

- Yeah, well, you look like shit.

- Thank you.

- Are you sick?

- It's a long story.

- When you want something, you really commit.

What are you gonna do now?

- I don't know.

You're a girl.

How do I get her back?

- You want her back?

- Weren't you listening?

- So you go to propose,

and you catch her having sex with another guy.

- Anal.

In some countries, that's not considered sex.

- Then you find out that she's been cheating on you

with a whole bunch of other guys.

- But not a bunch.

A few.

Possibly more than two.

- But she said that it was over.

- Why are you focusing on all the negatives?

- How did you get this fucked up?

- I thought you were here to help?

- I am.

I am.

You know what, I think you should go take a shower.

'Cause the look and the smell is a bit much.

That's a start.

So you're telling me in two years,

she never once said "Don't do this,"

or "I don't like that?"

- She did say that I treat her butt hole

like a PlayStation button.

- What?

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

You know, in most relationships,

a couple of months go by, problems arise,

and you just deal with them.

- Never happened.

- How many girlfriends have you had?

Like real relationships, ones that have lasted longer

than three months.

- Four, or five.

And Melissa, she's the longest.

- Four or five?

That's a doable number.

You know what I think you should do?

I think you should go to them

and asked them how you messed up.

- How I messed it up?

- Yeah, like, get their opinion

on you and the relationship.

Find out what happened.

You know like, were you bad in bed,

or did you have bad breath

or did you snore in your sleep

or dress funny or,

did the parents hate you.

Just ask them questions.

It might give you an answer as to why Melissa dumped you.

- You want me to ask all my exes

why I'm a bad boyfriend?

- Yes.

- I don't see how this is helping.

- It's helping.

Drink up.

We are on the verge of a breakthrough.

Oh God.

(dog barking)

- Dude, thank you for not coming with me.

What happened to you?

- Major hangover.

- Anyways, last night I went back to those two girls' house.

At first, we're just sitting and talking.

I was bored as shit.

I was about to leave.

Then, they started kissing right in front of me.

- Right.

- No bullshit.

Then they look at me and they go, do you wanna join?

Like that's a question.

My first three way.

- You're serious?

- Four boobs and two vaginas is a lot of responsibility.

You gotta multitask.

- I'm glad it went well.

I'm going back to sleep.

- Hey, I'm sorry you had to get drunk alone.

- I didn't, Veronica came over.

- Bang her?

- We're just friends.

- Should've.

- I thought I might see you today.

- What happened last night?

- You don't remember?

- And I thought this was a good idea?

- Check your phone, it's in Notes.

We managed to track down all of your exes,

we found out where they lived, where they work,

you even went as far as mapping out an order.

Look, there should be a link at the bottom.

- I don't remember any of this.

- So you don't remember having sex with me?

- Did we?

- No.

No, we didn't.

- This is gonna take a week.

- Four days.

You already texted Tom and got the days off.

- What?

I'm going today?

- Why wait?

Just go and talk to them

and then give me a call and tell me what they said.

You're gonna need a female translator.

- This is crazy.

- No, this is necessary.

Come on, just go home and pack.

This is gonna be good for you.

And no communication with Melissa.

No texts, no calls.

Not until you get back.

Just give her a couple of days too.

- It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Why put yourself through it?

- Veronica's right.

I have no idea why any of my past relationships failed.

Everything's good and then overnight, done.

- That's why it's dating.

It's a test drive.

Check under the hood, take it out on a trip.

- Well if you have all the answers,

then what's my problem?

- One thing.

You date out of your class.

- What?

- The girls you date are too hot for you.

You're average.

They're above average.

- On what scale?

- On every scale.

- You're a quantity dater, I'm a quality dater.

- My objections have been stated.

- See you in a few days.

- Can I use your apartment while you're gone?

- What's the matter with yours?

- I have roommates.

I can't get any privacy.

- Oh, I know the feeling.

♪ Oh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I love to wake up in the morning ♪

♪ Gotta keep dreaming without warning ♪

♪ The day is gone ♪

♪ And sometimes I take a walk ♪

♪ But I forget about the clock ♪

♪ I can't slow down ♪

♪ My friends are sitting laughing ♪

♪ But I just keep on napping ♪

♪ They're knocking on my door ♪

♪ But I'm knocking them down ♪

♪ They said I'm acting crazy ♪

♪ But I just wanna lie in the sun ♪

- Hey.

- Where are you?

- I'm in San Diego already.

- It's Nicole tonight, right?

- How do you know her name?

- I have a copy of your schedule.

I'm here to keep you on track, remember?

So how'd you meet?

- After ASU, I interned in San Diego for a year.

I was at the beach one day

and I saw her walk by after surfing.

That night, I saw her again at this gaslight bar.

- How long did you date?

- Maybe six months.

- Then how did it end?

- One day she said she couldn't see me anymore.

- Okay, well good luck

and give me a call after, okay?

- [Jason] Okay.

- Bye.

♪ My friends are sitting laughing ♪

♪ But I just keep on napping ♪

♪ They're knocking on my door ♪

♪ But I'm knocking them down ♪

♪ They say I'm acting crazy ♪

♪ But I just wanna lie in the sun ♪

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ I just wanna lie in the sun ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Lie in the sun ♪

♪ Da, da, do, do, do ♪

♪ My friends are sitting laughing ♪

♪ But I just keep on napping ♪

♪ They're knocking on my door ♪

♪ But I'm knocking them down ♪

♪ They say I'm acting crazy ♪

♪ But I just wanna lie in the sun ♪

- Jason?

- Nicole?

Wow, how are you?

- I'm great, still surfing, you know.

- This is so weird.

- Kinda like how we first met.

Well, where you saw me

and then stalked me to that gas lamp bar.

- The Tipsy Crow.

- So are you still living here?

- No, I'm in LA now.

How 'bout you?

- I'm still living here.

- Duh.

You look fantastic.

- Thank you.

Live is good.

So, what brought you down here?

- I just went through a breakup.

I want to propose and she was sleeping with my old roommate

plus a few others.

But not at the same time.

So I got in the car and drove out of town to get away.

I'm sorry, probably way more info

than you were looking for.

- A little.

So, you have dinner plans tonight?

If I'm being honest, this is my only good meal.

- If we're being honest,

us seeing each other again wasn't exactly an accident.

- I know.

- How?

- I have a video doorbell.

Records anyone that walks up.

- But when I left, I had no idea I would see you.

That was complete luck.

- Right, like when we first met.

I'm sure you followed me to that bar.

- 100% fluke.

- A fluke.

- A perfect coincidence.

- So why did you really come down?

- Do you mind?

- So I don't know if you remember, but I was married.

I should have said no but I got so caught up

in the proposal and the family.

She did you a favor.

- When we were dating, what was it about me

that made you break up?

Be brutal, I can handle it.

- So that's why you showed up.

You're trying to figure out why she said no.

- What?

- Come on, Jason, be honest.

Our breakup had nothing to do with you.

- It's not me, it's you.

I mean it's not you, it's me.

- Usually, that's an excuse but it was true.

I met you right when my marriage ended.

You showed up all young and cute and quirky and young.

I was just flattered that I was still noticed.

- What?

You were like 27, surfer goddess,

and cooler than Beyonce.

- Thank you.

- But seriously, what happened?

We were doing everything together for months

and then you just broke it off.

- You want me to be brutal?

- Yes.

- So we had just gotten back from X-Fest

and we started fooling around.

It was a really good night.

We were on fire.

Your mouth was right by my ear,

so I can hear you breathing

and then you whispered-

- I love you.

I thought you didn't

or like did and didn't want to, you know?

- Jason, I'm sorry.

I loved feeling loved by you.

I just knew there wasn't a future.

Just bad timing.

- I should get going.

- Wait.

I have something to show you.

Remember these?

- Wow.

- I didn't come over here to do this-

(Nicole shushing)

- Just tonight and then friends.

Nod if you understand.

Good.

(reflective piano music)

- I feel bad.

All we did was talk about me.

How's your life?

- It's how I like it.

Simple.

- Simple?

Are you dating anyone?

- I like being single.

There's a few guys that I see

but they know it's only temporary.

- Don't you think there's that one guy?

- I married him.

- Oh, right.

- I like the freedom to do what I want when I want.

You know?

- Was I okay last night?

In bed.

- You were great.

Way better than I remembered.

- You were like my sex Yoda.

- How do you figure?

- Well, before you, I would just hop on and pound away.

Sort of like a fish out of water

but you taught me to slow down,

to be in the moment,

and make it about you more than just me.

- Sounds like me.

- Thank you.

Really.

I'm still a young Padawan, but I think I'm adequate.

- More than adequate.

You're like a Jedi.

- Jedi?

(upbeat music)

♪ Just past the tree line ♪

♪ You will find my body there ♪

♪ Please, I beg you ♪

♪ Please don't show my ♪

Hey.

- You were meant to call last night.

- [Jason] Sorry, it got late.

- So what did you find out?

- I said I love you too early.

It freaked her out and that's why we split up.

- Yeah, makes sense.

What else?

- She said I'm more than adequate in bed

and even better now.

- You had sex with her?

- It just happened.

- Yeah right, what she just tripped and fell on your dick?

- No, she was showing me this pink underwear I got her

and she started draping open her robe.

- I don't want to know.

At least it wasn't Melissa.

- I didn't even think about her until just now.

- That's a step in the right direction.

- I'm not trying to forget about her,

I'm trying to get her back.

Hold on, Benji's calling me.

I'll call you later.

- Okay, but-

- What's up?

- Dude, when are you coming home?

- In a few days, why?

- I invited the three way girls over

and they're impossible to satisfy.

They never get tired.

- What do you want me to do about it?

- I need you to take one of them off my hands.

One's doing a photo shoot, one's in the bathroom.

I'm fucking low.

- No way.

- Please, I need to sleep.

Oh shit, she's coming.

I'll call you later.

- Come to bed.

Now.

- Okay.

♪ They know ♪

♪ When I meet them in the basement ♪

♪ They know ♪

♪ I think I meant it, falling in a worst case ♪

♪ That's when everybody says ♪

♪ Hold up ♪

(upbeat rock music)

- Hello?

- [Madison] We're closed till two P.M.

- Okay, sorry.

- Hey, Jason.

- Hi.

I'm really sorry about this.

I was just passing by

and I wanted to see if you still worked here.

- Why?

- I was passing by and I thought,

"I wonder if Madison still works there."

So I put in a little extra effort and parked.

Now I know.

- Now you know.

- Do you have a few minutes so we can catch up?

- I have a lot of prep work before we open.

- Nice seeing you again.

- Hey.

We close at 10 if you wanna come back and talk.

- Awesome.

- Yeah.

- Hello?

- [Jason] Hey!

- Hey, who is this?

- Jason.

- Jason?

College Jason?

- Yeah.

- Why are you calling me?

- I was in town and I wanted to say hi.

- Jason, I gotta go.

I'm gonna be late for work.

- Okay, maybe later.

Or not.

- Okay, so what's the deal, do you need money?

- What, no.

- You're not dying, are you?

- I'm fine.

- Then what?

- I wanna know what happened with our relationship.

Why did we break up?

- You're looking for closure after four years?

- No.

I just don't understand why any

of my past relationships failed.

- You came all the way here just to ask me that?

- You won't hurt my feelings.

- My parents hated you.

- Really?

Parents love me.

Usually more than the girl I'm dating.

- I thought they'd like you too

but you fucked it up.

- [Jason] How?

- You really don't remember?

Mini golf.

- You mean when you cheated?

- I didn't cheat, you toad.

You couldn't stand the fact that I beat you.

- You moved the ball more than six inches,

that's a penalty.

- You didn't have a ruler.

You guesstimated and guesstimated wrong.

- Why are you getting so mad?

- Because it was under six inches.

- So why don't your parents like me?

- The first and only time I took you meet them,

you brought it up.

In fact, you spent the entire night

talking about me cheating in mini golf.

- They seemed interested.

- Not interested.

You went on and on about the six inch rule.

- So that's why we broke up?

- Yes.

Mostly.

- Wow.

I am really sorry, Molly.

- I appreciate that.

- I get the competitive thing from my brother.

He's the six five muscular version of me.

The only way I could ever win at anything

is if he cheated and I could prove it.

- Siblings can be tough.

- But six inches is six inches, cheater.

Sorry.

- That wasn't funny.

- It's sorta funny.

- How good are you at Ms. Pacman?

You know, you look good.

- Thank you.

You look amazing.

Like even better than before.

- [Molly] Okay, no more ass kissing.

- Dating anyone?

- Sort of.

It's convenient for now.

I'm so busy at work.

- What do you do?

- Property management, 300 units.

- Sounds like 300 problems.

- You got it.

Last year I bought my first apartment building.

- Nice.

- Six units over in Arcadia, not far from old town.

- You gonna be the next real estate tycoon?

- We'll see.

What are you doing tonight?

- I was thinking we could go play some mini golf.

- You're an idiot.

- No, I'm visiting another one of my exes.

I dated her before you.

- Oh, so you didn't come here just to see me?

- No, I'm doing a whole road trip thing.

- To see your exes?

- Yup.

- What the fuck is wrong with you?

- Are you Jason?

- Yes.

Do I know you?

- What are you doing here?

- I'm meeting a friend.

- I know that, why?

- She's a friend from a few years ago.

- Hey, Einstein.

You've answered everything expect my fucking question.

- I see you've met Angela.

- Oh, we were just getting to know each other.

- We live together.

- Oh, we didn't get that far in the conversation.

- I met Jason in high school.

He was the nicest guy.

- I bet he was.

- I saw her again in college.

- My car battery died and he offered to jump me.

- I bet he did.

What are we doing here?

- She's so jealous.

- Oh, I didn't realize you're together together.

I'm no threat.

In fact, I'm getting married.

- Let me see a photo.

- What?

- If you're getting married to this girl

you have to have few pictures of her.

- All right.

- Are you satisfied?

You're gonna be late for work, go.

- It was nice to meet you.

- Likewise.

- Chug your beer.

- We're done?

- I've been here all day.

Let's go somewhere else.

- So how long you been dating girls?

- Pretty much always.

You're the only guy I went out with.

- No.

- Yeah.

- Why me?

- Well, my mom liked you

and remember when we went to prom?

My mom was so happy to put up the prom pics

in the living room.

- Does your mom know now?

- She always knew.

She was kinda just waiting on me.

- You only dated me to make your mom happy?

- Oh, gosh no, that came out wrong.

I always liked being with you.

You always were real.

- To being real.

- To being real.

- Out of all my girlfriends, you were really my best friend.

There was always something about us

that was just so in sync.

- That's 'cause we both like pussy.

- To pussy.

- I'll drink to that.

And have it for dessert later, too.

- So we know that you say I love you

way too early.

- Correct.

- [Veronica] And that you are a stickler for rules.

- Maybe a bit too much.

- And that moms like you

except when your obsessions for rules

shows its ugly face.

- And the girlfriend that I thought I was closest with

was actually just a friend.

- Are you having a good time?

- It's a little outside my comfort zone.

But I'm glad I'm doing it.

- Good.

- So.

What did you do tonight?

- I went on a date.

- Oh.

Great.

- Yeah.

It was okay.

Do you want details?

- Nah, I'm up early tomorrow and heading back to LA.

- Kate.

- Kate.

I'm gonna get some sleep.

- Hey, Jason.

- [Jason] Yeah?

- I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Goodnight.

- Night.

- Jason?

- Hey, Kate.

- Hey.

How are you?

Sorry, I'm all sweaty.

- Me, too.

- Not like we haven't been sweaty together, before.

- I remember.

Sex in Arizona.

- Oh, I meant living in Arizona.

- Oh, I just thought.

- It's good to see you.

Do you live around here?

- No, I'm in Culver City

but I like trying new places to run.

- [Kate] Yeah.

- Gotta stay fit.

- Well, it was great seeing you again.

We should catch up sometime.

- How 'bout right now?

- Yeah, I guess.

- We can do it another day.

You probably have plans.

- No, it's my day off.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- How?

I haven't been able to find this anywhere in LA.

- I know.

I found it in some random little shop in Echo Park.

You got me addicted to this stuff.

- I haven't had one of these in years.

- So good.

- Do you remember our first date?

I bought a six pack of Chihuahua,

sat in your convertible till sunrise.

Talked about all the great things

we were gonna do.

- Yeah.

Yeah, you said that space travel was gonna make a return

and you were gonna be the guy

who was in the belly of the beast when it happened.

- How do you remember that?

- It's a gift.

So what did you actually end up doing?

- I'm in the space program.

- Shut the fuck up.

So I've had sex with an astronaut.

- I wish I could check that off your bucket list.

I'm the flight director at Rocket Dynamics.

Our rockets put satellites in orbit.

- You know, I don't know anyone

who actually did what they wanted to.

But you always knew.

- You were my only girlfriend who thought it was cool.

- I did.

I mean it would be way cooler

if you were actually astronaut, but.

I'm really proud of you.

- You were the most driven person I've ever met.

What are you doing now?

- Are you hungry at all?

- We have a cool new rocket coming up.

- What's it called?

- The A7.

- Nice, and so how fast do these rockets go?

- Top speed is 27,000 kilometers an hour.

- Unreal.

And what do you do?

- I'm the guy that says go for launch.

But if I say go, I better not have messed up.

- I'm impressed.

And you know I'm not easily impressed.

- Oh, I remember.

Our fourth date and still no sex.

You made me show you something

that made me worthy of your vagina.

- It wasn't like that.

But my vagina is worth it.

You needed to impress and you did.

- It's one of the few things I'm good at

and definitely not sexy, though.

- Yeah, no, not sexy.

- But it worked.

What?

You still have it?

- It was a gift, why wouldn't I?

You still got it?

- It may not be as impressive now.

- Yeah, I'll be the judge of that one.

- Not bad for out of practice.

- Come here.

- [Jason] What?

- Come here.

So I hope you don't mind but

I'm going to say I've had sex with an astronaut.

- Fine with me.

- I probably should have asked.

Are you seeing anybody?

- I was.

In fact, I almost asked her to marry me.

- And what happened?

- She was having sex with my old roommate.

- I'm sorry.

- Enough about me, what about you?

- Do you remember what my plan was?

- Totally.

- I bet we remember differently.

- Our junior year at ASU, before Christmas,

you told me you wanted to be the head

of Media Relations at a Fortune 100 company.

Not 500 but 100.

- That's pretty good.

Do you remember why?

- You loved when a company like that got in trouble.

The media relations person would come out

and put a public spin on it so crafted,

it made the whole public regain confidence again

and the stock holders relaxed.

(soft music)

I'm sorry.

Did I say something?

- I just freaked you out, didn't I?

- No.

- Jason.

- A bit.

Okay, you freaked me out.

What did I say?

- Okay, I'm gonna tell you something

that I've never told anyone, okay?

- Okay.

- My freshman year I was broke and had to make tuition.

- You were on a full ride.

- No, not the first year.

I had to earn it.

So, by Christmas I was broke.

Tuition, housing was due, I had to buy books

and I found out that a bunch of girls in the dorm

had sugar daddies.

But instead, I started doing cam modeling.

No modeling required.

I would get men off in private chats.

You don't wanna hear this, do you?

- You can tell me anything.

- Well, after the first few days

I figured out a way to make a lot of money.

The longer I could keep guys on a private session,

the more I made.

So I got really good at controlling the pace

and after two months, I paid off all my bills.

I quit, I finished top of my class

and I was on my way.

And of all people, I didn't prepare for damage control.

My first big interview after college was amazing.

You know, I got offered a great salary,

stock options, benefits.

Pending a background check.

- But how did they find out?

You didn't use your real name, did you?

- No.

Where I fucked up is I used a photo from my cam profile

from a Cancun vacation.

That same photo is on my Instagram and Facebook.

- Reverse image search.

- Every interview after that was pretty much the same.

I was the most qualified person in the room

until the background check.

Sometimes I'd get a, you know,

thank you but no thank you email.

But usually I was just ghosted.

- I'm sorry.

But your so talented.

Fuck Fortune 100, 200, how 'bout 500?

- Keep going.

I finally got hired at a Fortune 1,000 company.

Took 'em two months to find out.

Got fired and walked to my car.

The boss said he was sorry

and then he hit on me, right there in the parking lot.

I need a drink.

(soft reflective music)

Well, all I have left are Rita's Mangoritas.

What?

- I wish you could see you the way I see you.

- Jason.

I may have made a mistake not keeping you in my life.

- It never would have worked.

- Really?

- Us astronauts get the ladies.

What can I say?

- Well, I'm really glad you're here.

- Me too.

- Hey?

Are you home?

I went past your place last night.

- Oh, I'm just leaving Kate's now.

Hello?

- Well, what did you learn from sleeping with Kate?

- Who says we slept together?

- Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that...

- We did, several times.

- Well, you might just go for a trifecta this week.

- Well, this was all your idea.

Why are you getting so upset at me?

I'm going home.

- No, no, you've come this far,

just go see Izzy and try to keep it in your pants.

- Nothing's gonna happen with her,

she's the shy one.

We dated for like a month before doing anything

and never with the lights on.

- Why?

- She was a little heavy and it's always bothered her.

She's really sweet, though.

- So why'd you break up?

- I don't know.

- You know what.

Go see Izzy, found out, and then call me.

Okay, I want a full debriefing tonight.

- Okay, but you can't get mad at me.

- Call me.

- [Izzy] Just a sec!

- Hi, does Izzy still live here?

- Jason?

- Izzy?

- What are you doing here?

- Funny story.

- So, why do you think that we broke up?

- I can't remember.

You were always so nice

I don't even remember arguing about anything.

- I used to please men by being agreeable.

We can eat wherever, that movie's fine.

Another blow job, sure.

It's not like I'm busy studying or anything.

- But with me specifically, do you remember?

- I remember everything about every guy I've dated.

Pigs.

- Did I treat you bad?

- Nothing major.

When you shaved, you would leave all those little hairs

in the sink and after you ate,

you would take your plate and put it on the counter

on top of the dishwasher.

And I know that this is picky

but you would leave your dirty socks

next to the hamper.

Not even next to it, touching the hamper.

- Why didn't you say something?

- Because I'm a sucker.

Every time we had sex,

it started off with me giving you a blow job.

How 'bout returning the favor?

- I did.

Twice?

- Twice.

And I used to send you these cute texts

with specific things that I loved about you

just to make your day a little bit better.

- They did.

- Then send something back better

than a fucking thumbs up emoji.

- I'm sorry, Izzy.

I didn't know.

- It's okay, men are stupid.

- So, what do you do for work?

- How 'bout I show you?

You wanna try it?

No charge.

- It's not my thing.

- How would you do if you've never tried it?

- I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

- You're a fucking pussy.

- What?

- I can loan you some of my panties

in case you're feeling a little vulnerable.

- No, I just-

- I said try it!

- Okay.

- We're going to need to come up with a safe word.

How about

Izzy is my master.

- Izzy is my master.

- And after we're done shaving, we're gonna clean it up.

Aren't we?

Good.

Dirty dishes

go into the dishwasher, don't they?

- Yeah.

- Dirty socks.

We drop them into the hamper.

Don't we?

- Yeah.

Izzy, Izzy is my master.

Izzy is my master.

- And when we have sex with our partner,

we're gonna satisfy them first,

every time.

Aren't we, lover?

- Yes, yes, yes.

- Don't worry, baby.

No more spanking.

You've earned something else.

Have you ever wondered what it's like

to get fucked and receive absolutely zero pleasure?

- Izzy is my master, Izzy is my master.

- This is gonna hurt a little.

(muffled shouting)

- Hey. - Hey.

- How'd it go?

- It was painful.

- Did you hit the trifecta?

- I wanna tell you in person.

Could I meet you somewhere?

- Yeah, I'm about to head out.

- Well, meet me at Lansing Park.

- Okay, Lansing Park, 30 minutes.

- Hey, Vee.

- [Veronica] Yeah?

- I missed you.

I hope that's not weird.

- No.

Me, too.

- All right.

- Bye.

- What are you doing here?

- We need to talk.

- How'd you now I was here?

(Benji groaning)

- Where is he?

- I can't tell you.

(bones creaking)

Lansing Park, Lansing Park.

- Sit.

First, I want to say sorry about what happened

and I want us to forget all that, okay?

- Okay.

Why?

- Well, over the last few days,

I asked myself, what do I want?

- Me?

- Not exactly.

But I realize I might have to compromise.

You'll never be a Jason Bateman or Jason Statham.

But you could be a Jason Biggs or Jason Schwartzman.

I'm sure they're nice people.

- Where are you going with this?

- Hello?

You're not very smart for a rocket guy, are you?

Let's pick up where you came over to propose

but instead of what happened.

- Kyle having butt sex with you.

- That is not being productive.

Imagine you came in and I was looking fabulous,

what would you have said to me?

- Hi, Melissa, you look great.

Are you hungry?

- No.

Do you have the ring?

- Yeah.

- Do the get down on one knee part,

with the ring.

- You know, a lot has happened over the last few days.

I've been thinking a lot, too.

I think we might need to spend some time apart.

- Jason, please.

Do you know how hard it was for me to come here

and admit that I was wrong?

- Melissa, over the last two years,

you've changed my life.

You've made me a better man

and helped focus-

- Yes, yes, I've heard this part.

Skip to the end.

- Melissa, will you make me the happiest man

in the world and marry me?

- Huh.

Sure.

- Jason, what are you doing?

- Who are you?

- Well, she's just a girl from my work.

- You two deserve each other.

- Did she just insult me?

Jason.

Look at me.

Who was that?

- I'm gonna go.

- I want some answers.

- Melissa, it's not you, it's me.

Goodbye.

- You'll be back.

Asshole.

- So you messed up.

Call her, say you're sorry.

- I did.

- Text?

- I stopped after seven.

- Nothing?

Go to her house, buy her flowers,

and beg for forgiveness.

- No, I'll see her at work tomorrow.

Whatever happened to those three way girls?

- I couldn't get rid of them.

I had to fake a penis injury.

Then they lost all interest and left.

I discovered I'm a one girl guy.

- Crazy week.

- Tomorrow is a new day.

Things always work out the way they should.

- Diane is gonna help get the presentation finished

until Veronica gets back.

- What, where's Veronica?

- You haven't talked with her?

I assumed you knew before I did.

- Knew what?

- So, where are we with the changes?

- I wanna score the presentation.

Stock music sounds sort of stock.

- Wait, when is she coming back?

- I didn't talk to her.

Are you good changing the music?

- Wait, where is she?

- Jason, I had her job before she did.

I got this.

- Where are you going?

- I'm going to get Veronica back.

Without her there is no presentation.

No offense, Diana.

- Can't you just call her?

- That was a relationship reaction.

(muffled hip hop music)

- Veronica.

Can I explain?

I'm sorry.

I know it looked like I was proposing

but I wasn't gonna go through with it.

The truth is, the whole time I was gone,

the only one I was thinking of was you.

I don't know how I didn't realize this sooner

but I love you, Vee.

I always have.

Since the first day I saw you.

I was just scared if we got into a relationship

and it didn't work out.

No one stays friends.

Will you give me a chance, please?

- I think you blew it.

- Who are you?

- I'm Carrie, Vee's sister.

Vee's been talking about you for the last two years.

- To you?

- My whole freaking family knows about Jason

from the party.

- What party?

- The 2018 Christmas party.

Heard it a thousand times.

- What she say?

- That you and Vee snuck into the lounge

with a bottle of Jack,

talked so long that everyone at the party left.

- About right.

- Talked about family and kids

and when the time was right,

you looked into her eyes and you leaned in for a kiss.

- You don't have to say it.

- And you threw up all over her and you.

- I'm bad with hard alcohol.

- Obviously.

And what did she do?

She took you home, got you cleaned up,

and put you to bed.

You blew it.

At least you would have with me.

But she still loves you.

I don't know why.

- She said that?

She said that out loud in a sentence?

- I have to be honest, I'm not that impressed.

- Where is she?

- She went on a trip with this guy, Mitch.

He's been asking her out for months.

- Where?

- I promised not to tell you.

- I need to talk with her.

- Sorry, we're family.

- Dude!

- We need to talk.

I'm sorry how shit went down.

I'm your boy and I've had your back.

But you smell.

You're missing all your interviews

and I hear what goes on here every night.

- What?

- You want me to say it?

You're whacking off loudly or crying.

Usually both.

It's time to take a shower.

Call the people that for some reason

keep trying to interview you

and get on with life.

- You're a good friend.

- Yes, I am.

(knocking at door)

This is for your own good.

- Who is it?

Diana?

- You look horrible.

- [Jason] You came over to tell me that?

- I'm VP at Pacific Aerospace now.

- I heard.

- Really?

Because my HR guy has been trying to get you in for months.

- I was gonna call him back.

I'm taking a few months off

to figure out what I wanna do.

- You know, Tom still blames you

for not getting the board's approval on the A7 money.

- I hope that's not why you got fired.

- No, I just realized that if you didn't have a penis,

I wasn't getting promoted any higher.

- A lot of dick at the top.

- So what do I have to do

to get you to come work with me?

We have better pay, better benefits.

- How do you see me fitting in?

- Before, we were always chasing number one

but at Pacific, we are number one

and I need you to keep us there.

- I always thought I wanted to be in the space program

and I did it.

But I think I want to do something else now.

- I'll double what you were making.

- Yes.

- It's not about the money.

I need to find something else.

- At least think about it.

You know more about the space program than anyone I know.

The world needs your talents.

Don't just walk away.

- I'll think about it.

- Is that a maybe?

Is that a maybe?

- It's a yes.

- It's a no.

I spent the last week thinking through my options

and I need to make a change.

Come on Jason, give us a try just tell me what you want

I wanna be happy.

Well, I can’t help you with that.

I respect your decision and if you change you mind, let me know.

I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

I know.

I'm sure our paths will cross again.

I hope so.

Take care Jason.

Thanks, Diana.

- Mr. Jason.

I have a question.

- I'm sorry, class is over.

- Oh.

- But I can stay if you need some private tutoring.

- Well I have a question

about why you became a teacher.

- Okay.

- So I looked you up online

and I thought it was kinda strange

that you would go from a high paying job

to a book deal that made you even more money

to a teacher?

We all know that teachers don't get paid very much.

- Well, I will give you an A for research.

I saved what I earned as a flight director

and after a very successful book deal, thank you, I retired.

- Doesn't look like you retired to me.

- This?

This is fun.

I get to get students like you excited

about science and space

and I'm working on book two.

- Well, I'm a big fan of the first book.

Where does Captain Beansprout go this time?

- I don't wanna give it away.

- No.

- But where no sprout has gone before.

- I do have one complaint.

- What?

- Well, it just seems that Captain Beansprout

must be lonely, up in space all alone.

Was there ever a co-captain Bean

or a squash or a carrot?

- Well, there was a co-captain Bean

but it didn't work out.

- Why not?

- The captain didn't know what he wanted

until it was too late.

She ran off with some tomato.

- Not a tomato.

I would love to hear more about the book.

Is there anyway that I can schedule

some out of class time?

- So how'd things go with Mitch?

- We dated for a few months

and then when he asked me to move in with him,

I panicked.

Yeah.

- Sort of like saying I love you too early.

- Right, yeah.

Everything's about timing.

- I'm sorry I threw up on you at the Christmas party.

- What?

What made you think of that?

(reflective piano music)

- When I met your sister,

she took great pleasure in reminding me.

- Yeah, she's got an evil streak.

She does.

- It's really good to see you, though.

- You, too.

Too long.

♪ How many watching ♪

♪ Will make a tree worth growing ♪

♪ Is it three or four ♪

♪ Or a 100 more ♪

♪ Call me foolish ♪

♪ Call me naive ♪

♪ But one is good enough for me ♪

♪ I may forget that this ♪