All language subtitles for The.Unicorn.S02E13.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Hey, Delia, do you want to see

if this is well done enough for you?

No, I'm sure it is.

You always say that,

and then you make him put it back on.

No, I'm sure it's fine.

Look. It looks fine. I mean,
just maybe two more minutes

on that side and then flip it over

and do 30 seconds or,
you know, whatever, I'm...

You know, I'm so easy, so...

I'll eat mine raw with some dirt on it.

Uh, hey, Nat.

You, uh, you want to ask your
sister if she wants a burger?

- Yeah. Yeah, sure.
- Hey, Saturday night's

the big opening of the new hotel, huh?

- Yeah, it's gonna be pretty sweet.
- Yeah.

Pedro's Hot Chicken
is gonna do a taco bar

and sushi.

You know, Pedro makes

some surprisingly good sushi.

I have to admit that I
was close-minded at first.

Shame on me.

Well, this job has been huge for me.

I hired three new guys,
bought another van.

I-In fact, things are going so well

that a certain college student asked

if she could analyze my company

for her business management
class, but frankly,

I think she's just
trying to get in my pants.

Yeah, like that's so hard to do.

You know, I was looking over your books

and I already found some ways
where you can cut expenses.

Have you ever thought about
downsizing your office space?

Oh, whoa, whoa, okay.

Slow down.

You know, this isn't the classroom.

I operate in the real
world, and in the real world,

sometimes you have to spend money

- to make money. You know?
- Yeah.

So, Wade, tell me, you got
a date for the big event?

You know, I was gonna
ask Delia and Forrest

- if you... would you be my date?
- Yes! Yes.

- You... Really?
- Yes. Yes.

Of course. The answer is yes, Wade.

Oh, my God, free sushi?

I'm gonna have to start
fasting on Wednesday.

Wow.

But you should really bring a date.

'Cause Lord knows

you've got options.

Women are always hitting on you.

- Oof.
- It's disgusting.

Yeah, at soccer, Tracy Wilvers

hit you in the head with her boobs.

Okay, she didn't see me sitting there.

The hell she didn't.
That was premeditated.

Come on, guys. Cut me a
little slack, all right?

Shannon and I just
broke up a minute ago.

I mean, it was actually a
month ago, but... no, uh, yeah,

no, I get it.

Quick query?

So it was just a swipe,

or was it like

a "foof"?

Foof.

It wasn't a foof.

It was like a graze. It was grazing.

- Not a foof.
- What's a foof?

- Uh, nothing.
- Nothing.

What does your sister want?

Two cheeseburgers with everything,

two cheeseburgers with
ketchup, one plain,

and one veggie burger.

Okay.

Why did you do that?

Uh, hey, kids.

Hey, Dad.

You remember, um, Phoebe and Eleanor.

And?

Duncan, Bryce and Jack.

Cute little Jack from Gymboree?

- That's right.
- Wow.

Okay. Hey, uh, Grace, you want
to help me with the hamburgers?

Look, I know we made a deal.

The garage is your personal space.

No questions asked.

But why are there boys in there?

- That's a question.
- Okay, let me rephrase.

I find it curious that
there are boys in there.

God, can you guys please get him

out of the house and dating again?

We're trying.

- Yeah, he's getting foofed left and right.
- Hey, hey.

Come on, come on. Stop badgering Wade.

I think if he wants to talk to someone,

he could... reach out to a professional.

Did I tell you about the new therapist

that moved into the
suite next to my office?

Yeah, you did, like, 15 times.

He's so great. He drives a Peugeot,

and he went to Brown,

and he brings his own salad dressing

every day from home.

Wow, he sounds super cool.

- Yeah.
- Huh.

I just got a text from Shannon.

- Hmm.
- "Running late.

See you there at 7:30"?
What, she's coming here?

I had no idea.

"You're coming to my place?"

"Question mark, question mark.

Did you start drinking
without me, Steve?"

Ouch.

You must be very upset.

So I'm just gonna leave
Dr. Vogler's number for you.

Dennis! Hey. What's shaking?

Hey, Delia.

I have a very quick
professional question for you.

I have this friend who lost
his wife a couple years ago,

and it's been a little bit
of a bumpy road ever since.

And I'm just...

I'm just feeling like he could
really benefit from some therapy.

Great. Um, tell him to give me a call.

Yeah, he's not gonna do
that. So, I'm wondering,

is there a way that we could
ethically force him into it?

I mean, you know, gently, of course.

Yeah.

Delia, it sounds to me like
you're trying to exert control

- over your friend's life.
- Yes, exactly.

But he won't cooperate, so...

Do you find this is
a theme in your life?

Hmm?

- The need to control things?
- Oh.

- God, yes.
- Hmm.

I mean,

yeah. Yeah. Definitely.

I mean, somebody's got to. Right?

I mean, ever since I was even a kid,

I was the one in my house who had

to keep everything together, so...

Even my mom. She's a total train wreck.

I mean, completely disorganized.

Like, one summer,

I told her I wanted to go to camp.

So, she drops me off,
waves goodbye, drives away.

But sadly, she forgot to enroll me.

And they couldn't really get
ahold of her 'cause she decided

to go eat some mushrooms in
Vermont with all her friends.

Let's just say that was a pretty tense

couple of days there.

Plus, it was an all-boys camp. Oops.

But at least I got to be popular.

But for the wrong reasons.

Boys,

I need your help with a little problem.

Do you know anybody

who's interested in
making a lot of money?

Well, yes.

Not just a-a lot of money.

We're talking buttloads of money.

Possibly even multiple buttloads.

I love buttloads of money.

Good, good, good.

- Yeah.
- Because I'm about to break ground

on a new golf resort in Fearrington.

It's a huge project.

I want you guys in on it.

- Hell yes!
- Great!

Problem solved by the Can-Do Brothers.

All right.

Listen, I've got to, uh,

go meet my fiancée for lunch.

So, uh, what do you say we continue

this conversation at the big hootenanny

- on Saturday night?
- Sounds great.

- Oh! Shing!
- Oh!

Get some!

Wow.

- That was, uh, that was awesome.
- This is great!

We got to go out tonight and celebrate!

You know, I...

I just don't think I'm up to it tonight.

Wade, this is not what
you want to hear right now,

but as your friend,

I have to keep it a hundred with you.

Your girlfriend has moved on.

Now, the only way you're
gonna come to terms with that,

and I mean the only way, Wade,

is to come out with me tonight,

drink eight shots of tequila,

and hit on every adult
woman in a ten-mile radius.

Wade, say yes.

I, uh... Okay, yes. I'm in.

Yeah! How'd he do it?

So, the mariachi band
leaves. It's 11:00 at night.

I am starving, and I say,

"Mom, I've got to take
the PSATs in the morning."

And she says, "Darling,

you can't rush paella, sweetheart."

And all her little drunk
friends from Majorca

just thought that was hilarious.

Delia,

I can't help but
wonder if you've reacted

to that childhood feeling
of a lack of control

by overcompensating as an adult.

Really?

It's natural.

Those of us who are prone to anxiety

try to exert control over situations

and people to try to avoid that feeling.

Yes.

That's exactly right.

Oh, wow.

I have way overcorrected.

- I have to wrap up.
- Aw.

- I've got an 11:30.
- Wait,

does that mean I was your 10:30?

It would be great advertising.

Just a simple sign
in front of the hotel.

"Another quality installation

by Celebrity Home Theater."

I don't think Trey
would go for that, baby.

Well, did you ask him?

Michelle, this is about the relationship

that I have with the man
and how I handle my business.

- You can't get that from a book.
- Oh,

I see. It's a man thing.

No. Hey! Look at that.
Forrest and Delia here.

- Hi!
- Yeah, Forrest and Delia.

What's up, guys? Delia's
gonna drop us off at the bar

so we can get drunk!

And I have no problem with that.

Really?

- You okay?
- I'm great. I'm in therapy.

Yeah, man.

- So eye-opening. Whoo!
- Now, that's funny,

'cause I just assumed you
were in therapy for years.

I do, I seem the type. Yeah, no.

So, we're doing some real deep stuff.

Like, for example, I've always had

you know, mom issues.

- Okay, obviously.
- Oh, yeah.

What was that?

Yeah, I mean... No, a regular "yeah."

So, I started to wonder,

is it possible

that by trying to be
the opposite of my mom,

- I've become too controlling?
- Huh.

I think you're just the
right amount of controlling.

Well, see, that's what you'd say
to somebody if you wanted them

to think that they were in control.

Got me.

You were so right. It feels so good

to just let myself be pissed off.

I hate Steve.

To hell with Steve.

I bet you he's ugly and stupid.

Yeah.

But this place is teeming
with attractive females.

And there's nothing
holding you back, Wade.

That is a fact.

Would you like Captain
Cristal to make an appearance

and flush some of these babes out

and herd them in your direction?

That is a really
unenlightened thing to say.

And yet I want to see it.

Oh. Wow.

- Caroline is here.
- Game on.

Who better to get over
Shannon with than Caroline?

Fun. Simple. No strings attached.

Get back up on that horse, boy.

Oh, come on, guys. I mean, I don't know.

I mean, that's a little...

- Wonderful? Convenient?
- Splendid? Scrumptious?

Come on, man. When's the last time

you did something selfish, Wade?

Really. Something just for you.

Yeah, you are always so worried

about everybody else, man.
You're worried about your kids,

the dogs, your friends.

You know,

I bet you if Shannon hadn't
accidentally texted you,

you'd still be worried about her.

And it's okay

to put yourself first sometimes, Wade.

It's like they tell you

on the airplane about the oxygen mask.

Put your own mask on first
before helping others.

I like that. I like that a lot.

You're a wise man.

Caroline.

- Hi.
- Wade.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Hi.

- Oh, God. Wow.
- Hi.

How are you?

I'm really good.

Yeah. I haven't... I haven't seen you

at widows' group in a while.

No. I know. I, um...

I kind of moved past
that phase in my life.

I just feel like I needed

to rein things in a little,

you know, take things
a little more seriously.

- Ah.
- That second adolescence of mine

lasted a little too long.

I hate to hear that.

It's funny. I've-I've actually
decided to go the other way.

Huh.Yeah. I've just been

taking things so seriously for so long.

You know, like when you and
I got together last year,

I wasn't really in a place
where I could cut loose.

- Mm-hmm.
- But lately I'm starting to realize,

like Jack Kerouac said...

"life is just a gate,

a path to Paradise.

Why not live for fun
and love and joy or...

some girl by a fireside?

Why not go to your desire and laugh."

Let's go to our desire and laugh.

Let's go to our desire and laugh.

Hey, hey, guys, uh...

I'm out of here.

What? Boo!

He's leaving with Caroline, fool.

Oh, sorry. Fully on board. Saddle up.

- I'm out. Okay.
- Yes. Yes.

- Let's go.
- Oh, hey. Good morning, girls.

Sorry I was, uh, so late
getting home last night.

- It's okay.
- What'd I miss?

Nothing much. Just hung out.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

- Uh, with you, Natalie?
- No.

I'm not allowed to be in her garage

when she has certain people over.

Put on your hat, Linda.

Dad, the deal was that I could
have friends in the garage.

Yes, some of them are boys.

And, yes, everyone is out by 10:00.

I'm holding up my end of the deal.

I know, but I was thinking

maybe we could renegotiate that deal.

Dad, come on.

What kind of example does that set

that you can't even keep a deal

with your own daughter? Besides,

I'm not asking you where
you were last night.

- Mm-hmm?
- Okay, you win.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I guess, uh...

I guess maybe we could both
use a little more freedom.

Thanks, Dad.

- Yeah.
- What?

I was just thinking of
something your mom told me.

"You got to look out for that one.

She's much smarter than you."

She did? Did she say that about me?

Hey. Uh, coffee's ready.

I'm telling y'all, Wade is on fire.

Last night, Caroline.

And, just now, this honey
was looking at the plants,

and he was like, "Oh,
baby, you like that?

"No, that's a-a
Zantherinium pantoombium

with a... with a side
of Brazilian Ogallalala."

You got none of those right.

- None of 'em.
- Wow.

You know, Wade, I can't believe
I was ever worried about you.

You just bumble into Caroline
and then everything works out.

Thank you. All right,
who wants some drinks?

- Yeah. Yeah, can you get me, uh, my...
- Okay.

- Surprise me.
- Okay.

- Therapy is amazing.
- Look at this place.

Here's the thing. I have been

to every single one of
Dr. Vogler's cancellations.

That's five sessions this week.

Plus, I sat in on his
fear-of-flying group.

You're afraid of flying?

No, that was just for fun.

Actually, I'm gonna see if
Dr. Vogler has any openings

for Monday.

So? What do you think,
baby? Pretty posh, huh?

I'm just gonna keep
my opinions to myself.

I value your opinion, Michelle.

You know I do.

But this is my thing.

You know? A-At home,

we share the power fifty-fifty.

Um, actually, usually
more like 60-40, you.

When it comes to my company,

I got to be the king.

I get it.

You might not want to read my paper,

'cause the king's gonna come across

a little bit like a jackass.

- The king is used to it.
- Okay.

I want to get three

white wines, a beer and a Johnnie Black.

You sure that's enough?

It's a start.

I know you.

I work at the Wildwood Tavern.

A while back,

you and your friends came in and...

made quite a scene.

- Yeah. Oh, um... Lena?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wade.

Forrest.

Less importantly but yes.

You know, I s... I seem to remember

you giving me your number that night.

You didn't call it.

That was a mistake,

and I would never make
that mistake again.

Oh-ho-ho!

Who's the ladies' man, huh?

This guy.

You boys having a good time or what?

Hey, uh, Trey, I want you to
meet one of my best friends.

- This is Forrest.
- Forrest.

Yeah. I almost didn't
see you for the trees.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's nice to meet you.

Okay, you win.

Hey, stay right here.

I want you guys to meet
my fiancée, all right?

Oh, great.

Uh, you okay?

That was some intense eye contact.

He's like a German shepherd.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It's Caroline.

- His-his fiancée's Caroline.
- His fiancée's Caroline.

Oh, no. No. Come on. No.

- No, no, no, no, no. No, no. Hey, hey.
- No, no, no. Hey, be cool.

- Be... Just be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
- Boys,

this is Caroline.

Wade.

Uh, hello.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You two know each other?

Not well.

Sorry. Hi.

- Hi. Hi.
- Hey.

Uh...

Wade and I...

we bumped into each other last
night at my bachelorette party.

I-I did not know that that
was your bachelorette party.

Obviously.

Why obviously?

Why am I talking?

Is something going on here?

Trey, no. No, there's not...

No, nothing's going on.

We're friends, and we've been friends

- for a long while.
- Yeah.

- Yeah. A long...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really long...

while. Oh, my God.

This is so stupid.

- No, it's not. It's not stupid.
- It...

- No, it is, Wade.
- No, no, it's not.

- It is, though.
- It's really not.

I don't think it's stupid.

I've been trying to
find the right time to...

talk to you.

But now that...

- this is coming out...
- It's not coming out.

- It-it needs to.
- N-No. Caroline.

Nothing is coming out.

Zero.

Wade said something to me last
night that just rang so true.

Hold on a second, baby. Um...

Where you going with this?

Life is so short. Right, Wade?

- I mean...
- That's what you said.

Uh, it can be short. It can be long.

And you need to live it for yourself,

and I owe it to you

to be honest with you.

And there's never a good time for this.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow would be a great time.

- Where are our drinks?
- Seriously.

Trey, look, I'm-I'm really sorry.

- I-I had no idea...
- What's going on over there?

Do you have any idea how many
plants I bought from you?!

You don't have to, you don't
have to give me the hotel job.

Oh, you think? You...

- What?!
- Oh, my God.

- Okay. Mm-mm.
- Wade, are you...?

Come on. I got you. Come on. I got you.

Let's go.

- Grab your coat. Let's go, baby.
- Why?

He got you good.

- Baby, grab your coat.
- Am I bleeding?

Delia, I'm fine.

Okay, you say that,

but, uh, you could have a concussion.

Who's the president? Biden.

That's too easy. Even if
you had brain swelling,

you'd know that.

Uh, who's secretary of agriculture?

I have no idea.

- Oh, God.
- Delia,

nobody knows that.

- Tom Vilsack.
- Ah.

- See?
- I can't believe this.

I just knocked out the
biggest client I've ever had,

and I'm leveraged out the wazoo, baby.

Yep.

It's a fob with a braided strap.

A little loop. Okay?

Got to sell the van.

I could let some of the crew go.

Yep. It's a real pickle.

It's right... It's right there.

Right... See where I'm pointing?
Right there. Up, up, up.

You think you could... you could
help me figure this thing out

with some of your great business ideas?

Well, is the king sure?

Oh, for God's sake, man.

It's right here.

Thank you. Come on. Let's go.

Yeah.

I know, Delia.

I really screwed up.

I don't know.

Maybe this is a good thing.

I mean, you're getting out there.

You're taking chances.

Jill would be so proud of you.

Really?

She would be proud of this?

Yeah.

She would.

She really would.

You know, I never told
you this, but, um...

Do you remember when
Jill was really sick

and you guys had the hospice
nurse staying at the house?

The-the Serbian one with the insane...

Yes, of course.

- It was Teodora.
- Right.

Well, one night, Jill said to me

that she really hoped
that, after she was gone,

that you would hit that.

She said that?

Yeah. And I was so appalled.

I was like, "What?"

But that's just so Jill.

It's just... You know,
everything in life for her

was an adventure.

At least she thought
it should be. And...

I just really... I want to...

I want to try to be
more like that, you know?

What was it she used to always say?

Uh, "life is this
vast, glowing empty page

and you can do anything you want."

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Kerouac.
- Yeah.

The night we met,

she took me to a used bookstore

and bought me a copy of
On the Road for 25 cents.

It was dog-eared and dirty.

One of the pages even had
a beetle smushed on it.

I still keep it by my bed.

Did you take the beetle out at least?

No. Little fella's still on page 15.

I can lend it to you.

No, that's... It's okay.

I'll just get it on Kindle, thanks.

Here's us.

- Wade.
- Uh, Lena.

I... Here you go.

For your... eye.

Th-Thank you.

I-I wanted to give you my number,

- in case you lost it.
- Hey!

Wade. I'm ready.

- Let's go.
- Caroline.

- Here.
- Um...

- Who's this?
- Lena.

Oh, okay. Great.

I just call off my engagement,

and now you're hitting on the bartender?

Excuse me, I'm a novelist.

- Sure.
- Hey! Wade!

Come on! Let's go! Move it!

Uh, my, uh... my-my ride's here.

- L-Listen, don't worry. I'm-I'm gonna...
- Wade.

I have no idea what I'm gonna do.

Wade!

I got to go.

You're both so awesome.

You're s... I mean...

Awesome.

Oh, my God, I just got
a text from Shannon.

"I canceled my date.

I couldn't do it."

Uh-oh. She's not over you.

What is so funny?

Look at me.

My life is insane!

Oh, my God!

Looks like our boy's gonna
be living his best life.

Yeah. Suck it, Steve.

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