All language subtitles for The.Unicorn.S02E12.WEBRip.x264-ION10

All right, Dad, what do
you want in these brownies?

Oh, uh, walnuts?

Ben just ate all of the walnuts.

Whoops.

- Um... how about M&M's?
- Mmm.

And there goes the last of the M&M's.

Uh, Ben ate some, too.

Well, what else is there?

Uh, coconut.

Coconut? Ugh.

Well, you guys ate everything else.

- I'm hungry.
- Okay.

- Oh, Wade.
- What?

You have a pic of Shannon still
on your phone as your wallpaper.

Do I?

Yeah. You guys broke up.

Yeah, you know, that's
the thing about this phone,

I can't really change the picture.

Hmm. Uh, that's not really true.

- No, it's not.
- No, not even kind of.

Okay, look, I'm gonna get around to it.

Benjamin, what are you eating?

An apple.

You have a colonoscopy tomorrow.

Aren't you supposed to fast

when you have a colonoscopy?

Yes, you are, and he knows it.

Sorry, babe. Guess I'll just have to

reschedule that procedure.

Well, I guess you will.

Wade?

Is this a picture

of Shannon on your phone?

- I'm gonna change it.
- Mm-hmm.

- Eventually.
- Okay.

- Up to you.
- He's not gonna change it.

- He's gonna change it.
- Yeah.

- Really?
- I am.

Cool.

What? I'm gonna change it.

- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.

This is the third time
you've broken your fast

and had to reschedule your colonoscopy.

Now, am I supposed to believe
all these are accidents?

Baby... it's hard to
think when all you've had

to eat all day are
little cups of Jell-O.

That would be my dream.

My favorite is orange.

Well, I bet if you knew what gelatin

was made from, you'd
probably never eat it again.

Probably oranges

and lots of sugar.

And some kind of delicious,

edible rubber.

That's exactly right.

Why don't you go look it up?

Honey,

the doctor recommended the test

because you're high-risk.

Now, am I gonna have
to lock you in the...

Oh, my God, it's my sister Meg again.

What if it's an emergency?

It's always an emergency.

She's freaking out about her boyfriend.

"Carl's always late."

"Carl ignores my text."

"Carl smells too clean."

What?

Wait, why is that an emergency?

She thinks he took a
shower before he came home

because he's cheating on her.

It's too much.

God.

Can one of you please

talk some sense into my husband

while I tell my sister
why I'm not talking to her?

Yeah. Ben, colonoscopies
are nothing to worry about.

And, you know,

when it's our time, five
or six years from now,

we'll be the first ones in
line for our colonoscopies.

- Absolutely. No reason to wait.
- Um...

Actually, the new guidelines suggest

men start at 45.

45?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God, Dad, you're 58.

What?

I'm 46, Natalie.

And so is Forrest.

Yeah, but I'm two months
younger than he is, though.

W-Why does that matter?

It matters to me, grandpa.

Okay, guys. Okay.

You all have to do it,
so why don't you just make

an appointment on the same day?

Yeah. No, come on.

These... I'm telling
you, these surgery centers

are like little Jiffy Lubes.

They just pop you on
a table, shove a camera

up there, move it around,

see what's what, bing,
bang, boom, colonoscopy.

Boy, does that not make
it sound more pleasant.

- Oh! Got it.
- What?

Sleepover.

We could do our fast
the day before together.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know, we can support each other,

so no one chickens out. Ben.

If we call it a guys' night...

- I'm in.
- Great.

Okay, fine. I'm in.

Good.

Oh, you know what? Hey,
we could do it here.

- Cool.
- Uh...

Are you sure we want
to be here for this?

Oh, it's really just no big deal.

They're just gonna chug some laxatives,

and then have six to eight
hours of near-constant diarrhea.

Ew.

- That is so gross.
- That's disgusting.

If you guys are having guys' night in,

I think Michelle and I
deserve a gals' night out.

Yeah, I could use a break

from my kids, and my school

and my sister, who is calling me again.

Girls' night is sounding a
lot better than guys' night.

No, no, no. It doesn't have to be.

We can, we can watch all
three John Wick movies,

crush some cherry gelatin.

Yeah, that sounds like a party.

- Kind of.
- Eh?

It's pig bones.

Gelatin is made of pig bones.

Thank you so much, Grace.

Okay, who's ready for round three?

Not me.

Come, let's do it, let's
do it. Come on, on three.

One, two, chug. Ugh.

Ah!

32 ounces down,

32 ounces to go.

When does this stuff start to kick in?

Oh.

There you go. Right there.

What's up, Meg?

Everything all right?

No, Michelle could not
answer the house phone

because she's out.

The new spot on Greenwood.

Um, uh, I mean, I
don't... uh, I don't know

where she is. She's, uh...

Hello?

Did you just tell Meg where Michelle is?

I did. She's gonna kill me.

I got to call her. I got to
call Michelle and warn her.

In one minute.

Oh, man.

Oh, they only have two bathrooms.

So I was taking notes

- in my philosophy class...
- Mm-hmm.

When I realized I
grabbed Sahai's notebook

- by mistake.
- Oh, no.

Okay, so what'd you see?

Well, just a bunch
of doodles about a boy

she has a crush on.

All I know is his initials are D.W...

- Mm...
- and his sneaker game

is either "fire" or "fine."

You know, my D.W.

- was Joel Bresnick...
- Mm.

And I made out with
him just because he wore

a Depeche Mode T-shirt.

And then he broke up with me.

And then we made out again.

- Mm.
- And then he broke up with me again.

And then he gave me mono.

Ben? What?

Get out. Run!

- But we just got here...
- Michelle!

There you are.

I am going to kill you.

But I told you to run.

I don't know what to do. I am
a trusting, generous person.

I give and I give

and I give.

Are you guys buying?
Honestly, I'm too sad to pay.

- Oh, yeah, of course.
- No.

I'm so glad I have you guys to talk to.

I just need someone
on my side, you know?

I'm not sure I'm on your side.

- Hmm?
- Michelle.

Well, I just have to
wonder if she's telling us

the whole story.

When have I ever lied to you? Hmm?

- When you dented my car.
- Uh-huh.

- When you lost my earrings.
- Oh, sure.

When you let Sahai's bird loose.

Okay, I will never apologize
for letting a bird be free.

Well, I'm on your side, Meg.

- You are?
- Yes.

You think I don't remember
what it was like to be single?

Ugh. Which is why I know

that you need a change.

And I'm gonna help you through that.

Okay? We're gonna, we're
gonna work this out together.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Yeah, we need more drinks.

Delia, you want to give me a hand?

Yes, I... I guess I do.

Ooh, will you get me something

sweet yet strong?

Kind of like how I
was before I met Carl.

Look, I know you're trying to
be nice to Meg on my account,

but you don't have to be.

Yes, I do.

I mean, I really think
we need to help her

through her time of crisis.

Well, she's always in a crisis.

If you fix this one, there'll
be a new one tomorrow.

Well, but I just know
what she's going through.

I mean, I used to get involved
with these really horrible guys,

and then stay with
them for just too long

because I just felt bad
about breaking up with them.

And then they'd break up with me.

God, it was the worst.

But you're so strong and confident now.

Yeah, I... now. But...

I used to be like Meg.

Guys, I think I dropped
my contact in my margatini.

Okay, you know, like, a quieter
Meg who didn't drink so much,

but still, Meg.

- All right. Everybody's back.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Time to resume the Wick-a-thon.

Alexa, dim the lights.

Forrest, do we have to?

We've paused it three times, man.

I'm starting to lose the thread.

What's there to lose?

I mean, somebody kills John Wick's dog,

so he kills everybody.

Alexa, turn up the lights.

Come on, guys.

I mean, this is supposed to be fun.

I can never watch these movies.

Delia calls them "antisocial
blood-soaked nightmares."

Just give it a chance, huh?

- Okay.
- All right. Thank you.

Alexa, dim the lights.

You know, actually, can
we, can we take a break?

Oh, my God, you just went.

Alexa, turn up the lights.

It's not that. It's just...

These are exactly the kind of movies

that me and Shannon used to watch.

- She loved them.
- Oh, man.

She really was perfect.

Yeah.

I guess I just didn't realize

that watching them again
would-would hurt so much.

I mean, she would have

really loved the part

where the guy's head
explodes in the elevator.

Yeah.

You know, it sounds like, uh,

sounds like you haven't
made your-your peace

with this whole Shannon thing.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. And that's okay.

That's okay. That's what tonight's for.

Sharing... everything.

Yes.

Oh, in two minutes.

Oh, boy.

I don't ask a lot from
him, but every time

I need him, he's never there.

Because he's cheating on me.

Mm-hmm. And he's always in

and out of court.

And he's always asking me for my money.

- Uh-uh.
- Which I just give to him.

- No.
- Ugh. I'm an idiot.

- Meg.
- Hmm?

You have got to break up with this guy.

Oh, no, I couldn't.

I love him.

You have got to love yourself more.

Seriously. Like, you're
wasting your time, okay?

Every minute that
you're with the wrong guy

is a minute that you could be
finding the right guy, right?

Mm-hmm. I mean, when I first met

my Forrest,

I just barely noticed him,
'cause I was really stuck

in this relationship
with this philosophy major

who kept trying to convince
me that I didn't exist.

Delia, I know you're
right, but I don't know.

I don't know if I can do it.

Well, you don't have
to do it alone, Meg.

- Hmm?
- No.

'Cause we're gonna do it with you.

Uh, do what?

No. No!

No, Delia, you don't
want to get involved.

- Yes, I do. Oh, yes, I do.
- Yes.

We're gonna break up with Carl!

- Yes.
- For Meg.

- Yes.
- And for 1995 Delia.

- Yes.
- Oh, wow.

Let's go, right now. Actually, no.

I'm gonna... mmm.

Right after we finish these
lemon elderberry daiquiris

'cause they are
oh-so-very delicious.

I mean, I know we did the
right thing by breaking it off.

It's just...

It's so hard.

At least it was mutual.

Right? You're still friends.

That's got to help a little.

No. No, it makes it worse.

I mean, we didn't actually break up.

You know, nobody did anything wrong.

I mean, if I was mad at her,

or if-if she were
mad at me, it would...

it would make it easier.

I could deal with it, but this, it's...

Hmm.

And everything makes me think about her.

It's not just John Wick.

It's bicycles.

It's Cat Stevens.

It's toast.

- Toast?
- Yeah.

She made great toast.

- Huh.
- Hey.

I make great toast.

Not like she did.

Okay. Look, I know this sounds crazy.

I do, but I don't, I don't
know what to do about it.

Well, you can start
by taking her picture

off your home screen.

You're right. I know you're right.

Hey, Wade.

Just know you can talk
to us about anything.

Yeah. And, hey.

So can you, Ben.

- Oh, I do.
- Come on, man.

I mean, we're friends here.

There's no judgment. We know
you're scared of doctors.

I'm not scared of doctors.

Ben. Come on, man.

You sabotaged three colonoscopies.

Don't tell us it was
because you were just hungry.

Yeah, Wade opened up.

- And now...
- And?

I got nothing to open up about.

- I'm good.
- Ben.

- We're just trying to help.
- I said I'm good!

You know what, I need some air.

You're going inside to get air?

Yes, Wade! What are you, the air police?

I want inside air.

Looks like somebody else
might cry at this sleepover.

All right. All right.

You are going to knock on this door...

- Mm-hmm...
- and change your life.

Are you ready?

Can I just wait in the car?

Ooh, can I wait in the car, too?

No. We, uh, we Ubered. There's no car.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Yes.

Meg?

And, uh...

My sister and her friend.

Ooh.

Are those flowers for me?

Meg. Meg. Meg.

Flowers are a ruse.

Okay. Just...

Don't-don't you have something
you want to say to Carl?

Yes.

Thank you for my peonies.

You know that they're my favorite.

Don't fall for the flowers.

Okay. Carl, hi.

We are here to support Meg...

- in... ending her relationship with you.
- Mm-hmm.

Meg, what's going on?

I thought we were fine.

How could things be fine, Carl?

You're just never home. I mean,

you've just been really
impossible to reach.

- Mm-hmm.
- And you've been in and out of court

for God knows what reasons, Carl.

- I'm a lawyer.
- Oh, yeah?

Huh? Okay. Yale University.

That-that would be a good reason.

Which you didn't mention.

- No. Sorry.
- Mm-mm.

Okay, fine, fine.

But that doesn't explain
what you did with the money

that you took from her.

I helped her open an IRA.

Did I say "took"?

What is this all about?

It's about you cheating on me, okay?

I hear all those late-night
phone calls to California.

I hear you whispering
in the phone all sexy.

Who are you dirty-talking?

What lady? Who? Who?

I pray with my grandma in Oakland

before she goes to bed every night.

Really?

That's so cute.

Well, okay. Yep.

Quiet praying sounds very
sexy to me and my ears.

Yep, there it is.

What are we doing here?

Good question.

Wait.

Hmm?

How did you know I
was calling California?

I really love my flowers.

They're so cute.

Meg, did you hack into my phone?

You know, we got to ska-daddle.

We got to go.

Sorry we barged in here like that.

It's not good. Also, those two,

They drink a lot.
They're-they're drunk.

Well... This is the last of it.

You ready?

Ah. Ready as I'll ever be.

Hey.

You guys aren't gonna
drink without me, are you?

We thought you needed some space.

Thanks, but I-I'm okay.

Yeah, Ben, if you don't open up,

that's totally cool.

But I'm ready to.

Uh...

When I was born...

three of the toes on my left foot

were fused.

And I couldn't wear flip-flops

till I was seven.

Well, I... I could.

I could wear one on my right foot,

but, uh...

yeah, that just called
more attention to it.

Okay. Fine.

Here's the thing. It's
not the colonoscopy.

And I'm not scared of doctors.

It's just that I'm 42.

And, uh...

that's the same age my
father was when he died.

Oh, wow.

I'm sorry, man.

And, uh...

he was just, like, invincible, man.

He was big and strong,

and just the picture of health.

And I could count on my dad
to be there for anything.

Everything.

Then one day, he just
got sick, and, uh...

then he was gone.

And when it comes to this test,

I don't know, man. I'm, uh...

just scared that I-I could find out

that I'm gonna leave my kids...

in the same way that he left us.

I get it.

But come on, man.

I mean, just 'cause you don't
pick up the newspaper every day,

that doesn't mean the
bad news just goes away.

Nah, it's real.

You know what, Ben, you...

you've got to focus on the upside.

On the tiniest chance

that they find something,

you're getting so far ahead of it.

It's the best thing
we can do for our kids.

As nasty and disgusting
as this night has been...

I'm really glad we're doing it.

- I really am.
- Yeah.

Hear, hear.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

Ah.

You know, life is, uh,

sort of like a John Wick
movie when you think about it.

You never know what's gonna happen next

or, in some cases, even
what's happening right now.

Yeah.

But, man, is it a hell of a ride, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, and the best thing about
it is we're riding together.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, what do you think, Wade?

Can you handle some Wick?

Yeah.

I think I'm ready.

Well, then let's queue up John Wick 2

and smash some bouillon.

- Smash?
- No?

Slam.

- Better.
- Okay. Slam.

I am so sorry, Meg.

I guess I just wanted you to be free

so that you could find your Forrest.

Oh, Delia.

You don't get it.

Meg's not ready for her Forrest.

I was in love with Carl.

You've been in love
with six men this year.

But he was in my top three.

Um, God, Michelle.

I'm so sorry.

I should've listened to you and just...

stayed out of it.

I guess I just...

I really, just really wanted revenge

- for 1995 Delia, you know?
- It's okay.

You know what, knowing that
you were a bit of train wreck

like Meg when you were younger...

gives me a little bit of hope for her.

Do you think she's gonna be okay?

Hey, Stewart.

It's your boo.

Yes. And I'm naked.

- She's fine.
- Mm-hmm.

She's already lying to him.

Well, we did it.

Yeah, they should give
us a group discount.

Hey, check this out.

What am I looking at?

That's my, uh, two tiny polyps.

Doc sent the pic to my phone.

You should tell people
before you show them that.

Oh. Okay.

Hey, baby.

- Hey.
- Hey, Michelle.

- All good.
- Really?

Clean as a whistle.

See, I told you you
didn't need to worry.

Yeah, you were right.

- I take pretty good care of myself.
- No.

- I take pretty good care of you.
- All right.

Okay, guys.

Let's get dressed and
get out of here, okay?

The colonoscopy shuttle

leaves in five minutes.

And make sure you close your gowns,

'cause I don't want to see
anything I'm not supposed to.

Oh, my God. Too late.

- Wade!
- Oh, uh...

Sorry.

No, not funny.

Okay, I'm waiting outside.
Four and a half minutes!

All right, everybody.

I've got all my favorites
from Clyde Cooper's.

Eat up.

- Oh, wow.
- This is how you break a fast, right here.

- Huh?
- I can't believe these pics.

They're amazing.

I feel like I'm inside your colon.

I know, right?

How can you look at that while you eat?

Hmm?

Oh, I'm so glad y'all found each other.

Hey.

Can we turn on the firepit
and make s'mores for dessert?

I don't know.

- Are you sure you want to?
- Yeah.

Do you know what
marshmallows are made out of?

I do not want to know.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la,

- You know, 'cause I'm pretty sure
- la, la, la...

they're made out of pig bones.

- Yeah, and skin and flesh and eyeballs.
- Mm-hmm.

- La, la, la, la, la...
- Girls, leave that boy alone.

- La, la, la, la...
- Hey, hey, guys.

Check me out.

It's not a shot from
inside your butt, is it?

Nope.

- Aw.
- Hey.

Aw.

That is so sweet.

Look at Wade.

- Progress.
- Yeah.

And guess what I had for
breakfast this morning.

- What?
- Toast.

Oh, John Wick over here.

Right?

- Such a badass.
- Yeah.

Okay, let's go. I want to eat.

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