Original subtitles

Thank you, kind sir. Can I have five more mild sauces?

I really love the stuff.Hey, Donovan!

Your guy's over here talking about he wants five mild sauces.

Five? Nigga, you need five mild sauces?

This is always you, "Three piece white."

No. It ain't happenin' today. No.

Uh, yeah. I'm like, a loyal customer. Ya think?

Yeah, everybody's a loyal customer, nigga.

It's Harold's. Look around.

Donovan: Four wings.

-Thank you, young man. -You're welcome.

Exc-- uh--Can I please have a couple of extra mild sauces?

Yeah, ma'am.

You can have as many as you want.

Get -- get her some mild sauce. Just grab a handful.

You can have all the mild sauces, ma'am.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

Why does she get extra mild sauce?

You just made a whole speech about mild sauce.

She's a black woman. Her life is hard enough.

All right.You know what? This doesn't seem fair.

Okay. Fair. All right, here's fair, right?

Uh, you got old and new mild-sauce stains on your clothes.

How about you just take that chicken,

rub it on your outfit, nigga.[ Laughter ]

I'm gonna call the Better Business Bureau on you.

No, no, no, no. Okay, look, look. For real, for real.

If you want mild sauce, just get it from your mama,

'cause she a hoe.

Wait, how does my mother being a prostitute

get me in the possession of more mild sauce?

Okay, that is a great follow-up question.

You are a very intelligent young man.

Mm-hmm.Um...uh...

Your mama sucks dick for mild sauce, you weak-ass nigga!

Ohh!Ha-ha!

That's it, that's my time!Not funny, guys.

♪ I was born on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ Everybody stick together like we in a line ♪

♪ 'Cause it ain't no side like the South Side ♪

♪ On the South Side ♪

♪ South Side! ♪

So somehow, he tries to imply that my mother is a sex worker,

that she gets paid with mild sauce.

That's crazy.

Your mom hasn't been able to have mild sauce

since she started diabetes.

-Not funny right now. -Here you go, buddy.

Full spectrum of flavors.

Wow. Thank you.

Gentlemen, today we embark on an amazing journey.

But every journey must start at the beginning.

So I ask you -- what is sauce?

What is mild?

Let's go, fellas. We got a lot to do.

You don't have time to smoke. Put that out.

All right.No. Don't put it out.

He ain't in charge of the blunts He's in charge of the sauce.

I won't -- I'm not putting it out.

Yeah. Thank you, Chase.

♪♪

It was 1982.

I was attending CSO's inaugural performance

of "Die Fledermaus"...

-Anton Luke. -Yes, Adam.

Anton Luke!

[ Door creaks open/shut ]

Walking in, I see this woman sitting outside,

crying on the marble walkway.

And I said, "Young lady,

there's no need for all of the theatrics.

You must leave that to the players."

[ Laughter ]

You know, it's funny you should mention theatrics

because I have an opera story.

It was "Pirates of Penzance," mind you.

And they weren't willing to let me into the show

because they had my last name spelled with an "M."

So they had Allen Mayle.

[ Laughs ] Get it?

Allen Mayle.

Who's that? I don't know who that is.

I'd say that story was Allen Stale.

[ Laughter ]

But seriously, my fellow Heirs of Madagascar,

my recently watching the film "Just Wright."

[ Murmuring ]

For our next Youth Day,

we should host a basketball tournament.

Yes. I've even gone so far

as to secure the star of the film, Common.

All: Ooh! Yep.

Incredible! [ Laughs ]

Allen: Really? Basketball?

Isn't that a little expected for black folks?

I mean, like, oh, look, black people playing basketball!

This is unprecedented!

So what would you suggest?

If this membership is ready for the future, we can do golf.

Actually, I've been eager hit the links again.

I'm glad we can see it my way. You know what?

I think great minds think a-- Look at our turtlenecks.

You know, Bethune, maybe basketball

was the idea du jour at U of I, but for us at Bowdoin College --

I'm sorry, I actually went to Yale.

Incredible! Huh? Incredible.

It was all very well-documented in my book,

"I Was Black At Yale."

Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I never got a copy. [ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ] Well, you're probably the only one.

It's was a New York Times best-seller.

You know, there's a copy there on the desk.

Yes, there is.

Lemieux, would you please hand me

a copy of Adam's book on my desk?

Oh, no, you don't have to. I got plenty of books.

Thank you.I'm cool, Lemieux.

Kitty, please pass this down to Allen.

I have many copies, Allen. Keep it.

So heavy.Keep it.

Forward by Michelle and Barack.

Okay, my taste buds are tired.

We need a fresh tongue.

Well, Travis hasn't left for work yet,

and that dude can taste the expiration date

on a Honey Bun, man.

Travis! He got a job?

Travis: More like donated my time seasonally to Zara.

Sweet.

Dull. Rustic.

Wait, no...

very rustic.

Wait...

I'm in an open field.

Sounds of a bubbling brook.

I approach a tire swing.

The grasshopper on the tire swing

makes eye contact with 1,000 eyes.

Am in his dream or is he in mine?

That's the one!Nice!We did it!

Good job.Finally.

Now all I have to do is upload this to YouTube,

and destroy the Harold's empire.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Or...

we can put some money in our pocket.

Everyone, the rumors are true.

I will not be seeking re-election

for Alderman next November.[ Crowd groans ]

But watching the passion of our members,

I believe my successor may very well be in this room.

[ Crowd "Oohs" ]

♪♪

Recently, one of our RTO Imagineers

created an exciting new product

that would not only elevate the store but drive traffic.

As you all know, IKEA has Swedish meatballs.

Well, now RTO has...

Mild Sauce Meatballs.

Please take in the flavor, the aroma.

This mild sauce is just like Harold's.

They're gonna sue you.

The Imagineer in question made these from scratch.

Sorry, I'm not allowed to share the recipe.

Yeah, you shared it with RTO.

No. It's a partnership.

We make them, RTO sells them, and we get a cut.

What?!

I wanted to sell my cousin's black Cabbage Patch dolls

and you wouldn't let me.Those dolls were scary as fuck.

Damn, now I can't get those collard-green kids

out of my head.

Q: Step right on up, miss lady.

Come on ahead and get these meatballs.

First taste on me. Second taste for a small fee.

Simon: Oh, fuck.

Eat them while they're hot.

Get you a microwave to go with them.

K: Hey, come on now.

Never get high on your own supply.

Ten crack commandments.

You're right.

This is big for me.

I finally have a seat at the table we corporate innovators.

I'm talking Jeff Bezos, Michael Dell, Jerome Smuckers.

Geniuses.

Park it close, my man.You coming in here?

Time's are changing at Winding Wing.

Heh.

Brotha.

So you are Allen Gayle.In the flesh.

Yes, you are. Indeed, indeed.

Well, this is very exciting for us.

We don't do a ton of urban events here.

Now, Allen, did we discuss a date on the phone?

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's this weekend.

I'm just here to sign the paperwork.

Oh, fantastic, fantastic.

Paperwork... Right here... [ Chuckles ]

Ahh, shoot.What? What "shoot"?

Uh...Well, here's thing. I-I...I am so sorry.

I forgot that we actually booked the club this weekend.

Wait, wait, wait.The weekend that your group

wanted to take it over, I mean, uh, rent it.

Okay, I-I don't think you understand.

We are the Heirs of Madagascar.

It's an elite social club.

And this is our big charity weekend.

Uh-- of course. This is totes on me.

And I will... I will own this.

I could be wrong, but...

it looks like the name of our group is on your calendar.

The name of our organization is literally on "Saturday."

No, that is -- that is the conflict, actually.

It was -- it was...

It was supposed to be a "T" there.

It's supposed to be "THE IRS."

We're actually getting audited, uh, this weekend.

It's a weekend It's a weekend audit,

so you can tell we're in a lot of trouble here.

Um... So. I just hate that this is happening.

I mean, I hate it, really.

It's -- it's a crime. It's a hate crime.

It's not a... it's not a...

No, it's not a hate crime.

It's a scheduling crime that I hate. [ Laughs ]

Did you get the documents I sent you?

What? No. I was in jail.

Yeah, right. Sorry.

I'm all over the place.

Look, we need to talk about this alleged grand alleged theft

alleged auto thing that I got, but you seem distracted.

Penny for your thoughts, brother?

My problems are nothing compared to yours.

But I shouldn't assume that.

Listen, there's this Alderman, all right?

I want his endorsement. I'm not an idiot.

I know it's a super long shot.

Now, it would have helped if I was able to secure

a golf course for the Heirs of Madagascar,

but I ran up against the glass ceiling of racism.

That's a real thing.

So now I have no golf course, which means no golf tournament,

and I will never get the endorsement of the Alderman.

Bethune wins again.

I-I missed most of that, but I did hear "golf course."

Why don't you just use the South Shore golf course?

South Shore? That place still open?Hell yeah.

We just had my grandmother's baby shower there.

It was lit."Emotional journey"...

RTO. This is Q speaking.

Hey, Quincy! Quincy Jones!

My man! It's Allen Gayle.

Hey, hey. Simon's lawyer.

To what do I owe this great honor?

Hey, listen.

I need 50 metal chairs to South Shore and I need 'em ASAP Ferg.

Well, you're in luck, Plain Jane.

That's not a problem at all.

All right.

Now if I can just get my caterer squared away, I'll be all set.

What kind of catering are we talking about?

All right, Pioneers, new deal.

We need to make enough meatballs to fill

a whole golf course by tomorrow. Huh?

All right. Hurry up and get back to work.

I don't want to have to come back down here

and kick nobody's ass.

♪♪

Whoo!

[ Trills tongue ]Ow!

Ladies and gentlemen, the African Methodist Church Spirit Dancers!

One more time.

Thank you for coming out to this very festive day.

Our first guest really needs no introduction,

but I will give him one anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Mayor!

The Mayor?The Mayor?

Da May-or.Ay! Ay! Oh!

Caught me rhyme and dancin' well!

Ha-how!

Ow!

Allen: Y'all know him from Bud Billiken.

Trust me, y'all know him. He's a hip-hop clown.

Oh, this is a big one.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Kel Mitchell!

Oh, shit.Kel Mitchell!

Hey, thank you, thank you very much.

Thank y'all. Thanks so much.

You know, speaking of philanthropy,

I want y'all to all come out to my walk-jump-run event.

Tomorrow at the South Side YMCA.

Yeah, it's gonna be on the fifth floor.

Room 206. Okay?

And please, please, please, bring a government-issued ID.

Thank you, Kel!

Or -- or you can bring a utility bill with an updated address.

It's got to be current.

Thank you, Kel.I said it's got to be current.

Kel Mitchell, everybody!

Yeah! Walk-jump-run!

[ Applause ]All right, all right.

Ohh.

We were having such a good time,

but unfortunately I have to be the bearer of bad news.

Um, it looks like, uh, Mr. Adam Bethune,

seen standing here,

wasn't able to secure us the visit from the rapper

Common, as he promised. Is that correct?

But we've scored someone even better.

You know her from the movies.

Give it up for my cousin, LisaRaye McCoy!

From "The Players Club"?

Incredible.

Hey, Turner, I see they got you doing security, huh?

Hell yeah. But I did not know that she was about to be so flossy.

I need to go change. Watch LisaRaye for me.

-What? -Be right back. Toot-too!

Today is the reason why I love the HOM so much.

Because of the hard work, charity, and pride.

Adam: And the free drinks.

Actually, today we're gonna do a light cash bar.

So don't nobody better tip!The fuck?

Also, due to a small construction issue,

you have to cross the street to get to the 10th hole.

Now let's play some golf!

Let's go have some fun.

And don't take it easy on the old boss today.

Shall we?

Got it!

Quincy, where are my meatballs?

Meatballs are traveling, Mr. Gayle.

Be there in just a jiff.

This is not a time for failure, okay?

I trusted in you. I believe you.

Get here. Please.

Ahh! We 'bout to die!

You know what my old golf coach used to say to me?

What?

He said "niggers can't play golf."

Used to motivate the shit out of me.

Are you trying to get in my head?

I'm trying to help you. That's what he told me.

God damn it!

Fuck! Racist game!

Girl, I am so happy I get to drive you around.

I've been a fan of yours since your episode of "In the House."

What's it like working with LL Cool J?

Oh, girl, he ain't nothin'.What?!

I'm just kidding.[ Both laugh ]You're stupid.

I counted in between scenes how many times he licked his lips.

It was like... one...

two...

three...

42 times.

So I'm at the Ebony after party, right? Right.

Angela Rye is there.From CNN?

Allen: Quincy, just get here, all right?

Hey, dawg, this ain't workin'. You see this?

Where'd you get spaghetti from?

Wait, this is not y'all?

We're almost there, guys. Wake up.

Come on. Let's go. Let's go. Go, go, go!

Yeah!So what's it about?

What? "Square Up, Jesus"?

Yeah.Yeah, it's about fighting your demons.

I play a character named Thirsty Daddy Jakes.

Uh-oh! Here we go!Yeah, man! Make them demons weak!

I said wake up!Aah!

Hey!

[ Tires screech ]Shit! What was that?

Oh, my God.

Hey, st-- stop, stop. Stop.

Meatball.

Meatball.

[ Groans, grunts ]

Mm. Go.

Mmm. Mmm.

That's incredible.

What a horrible day. Let's get out of here.

Can we go home please? A terrible day.

Did I do my part?His veins almost spilled all over the floor.

Guys...Guys... Guys! Listen.

Look, I...

I know things look grim right now, okay?

But you know what I'm thinking about?

Yeah, we're calling off the whole thing, guys.

No winners today.All right, come on.

No, no, no, no.Where's the park--

Listen, Kel didn't come here today

to play some stupid golf tournament.

Kel came here today because he wanted to walk, jump,

and run these children into their futures.

Now, I say we take a short break,

we get a drink at the club house,

and then we come back and we finish this tournament

the way it was intended.

Incredible!

[ Applause ]

Okay.

That brother's good, he makes me want to be a preacher.

Not that I'm happy per se that we almost killed Kel Mitchell,

but I was having an awful game.

At least people were talking to you, okay?

I tried to talk to Kel Mitchell and he goes, like,

oh I don't want to sign any autographs right now,

I'm like, bro, I'm playing with you.

We've been together for the last hour.

And I'm not even that big of fan.

And then I tried to talk to this clown.

He's like, "Oh, I'm a mime." I'm like, "You just spoke."

He said, "Oh, starting now."

And then he goes and does a cartwheel out of the way.

Actually, I know for a fact he does talk.

You know what? Maybe it's a good thing that I'm tanking.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Like, sometimes they're like, hey, let the boss win.

Mm. I-I still feel like he's not pleased with me.

Well, because he said he wants everybody to play their best.

He thinks you're tanking on purpose.

You know what? Fuck that old man.

He's almost dead anyway.

He should be begging me to be an Alderman.

I care about the South Side.

I defend the South Side, in public, in court...

as well as privately in conversation.

Not me. I am a champion of the common man.

Your strawberry mojito.Ooh, I said raspberry.

Mm! Mnh-mnh!

Got all of that one!

I'm coming for you, Mathers.

Yeah, not too bad, Gayle.

Goodnight: Shit.

Over the bunker and through the woods, man.

Adam: One stroke behind. You got a chance to win this thing.

I don't need a chance, all right?

Chance needs me.Wait...

you know Chance?Chancellor?

Yeah, I know Chance.Yeah, can you uh...

Can you show him my SoundCloud?

♪♪

I know everybody's tired,

but we got to get this mess cleaned up.

[ Stairs creak ][ Light clicks ]

[ Mouse squeaks ][ Screams ]

-Ohh! Ohh! -No!

[ Light clicks ]

[ Stairs creak ][ Squeaking continues ]

Goodnight: One putt. You hit this and you win it all, all right?

I'm not gonna lie, Sandy.

I was Da May-or earlier.Oh, he's talking now?

Yeah, he thinks I should tank it.

And then he grabbed my butt.No, no, man.

Fuck these bougie losers, man. Get this win.

Fuck that lying-ass clown.

Q: I'm so, so sorry things got out of hand.

At first, the meatballs were good.

You think you're the first RTO manager to try to sell food?

No. Two years ago, northern suburbs, sub sandwiches.

2007, chicken fingers in Missouri.

I thought about chicken fingers.

If you knew the extent of the rodent problem in America,

it would blow your fucking mind.

Pst-pst.

Dude, I'm trying to putt.

First of all, you need to calm

your motherfuckin' nerves, nigga.

Yeah, you didn't know I talk like this, do you?

Don't let those Vineyard Vines ties fool you.

I'm from Harvey.

South side of the south side.

I was not aware of that. Are you okay?

Don't worry about me.

See, what you got to worry about is Mathers.

His old ass is having a good day.

But you got to wonder, is he having a good day

because he might win this shit?

I mean, really think about it, right?

Should you hit this putt?

Or should you miss it by just a little bit?

Which one is gonna make you Alderman material?

I mean, come on.

You never have to put hands on both shoulders.

Look, Mathers knows me, all right?

Kehinde Wiley painted me in a prairie.

I'm the answer to a New York Times crossword puzzle.

"Who's That Nigga?" Adam Bethune.

But you? You're just a puzzle.

First of all, just back up, okay?

You may be from Harvey, but I'm from Inglewood.

I'm from Inglewood. Put some respect on it.

I ain't afraid of nothin'.

I got this, brother.

So am I cool with RTO corporate?

They're not mad?You'll be cool.

I'm gonna get you cleaned up in here

and get you back on your feet.

This is a good lesson for you.

The rats are here to remind us what we can and cannot do.

If you listen carefully, you can still hear them talking to us.

Can you hear it?

Can you hear what they're saying?

[ Whispers ] No.Come on, listen.

"Stay in your lane."

♪♪

-Yeah! -Whoo!

[ Echoing ] Fuck you.[ Laughing echoes ]

[ Whoosh ]

[ Chord strikes ]

I know you missed it on purpose. You're done.

Alderman.Alderman.

It's like a bad dream, bro. Wake up.

Wake up.

♪♪

[ Exhales sharply ]

♪♪

Wait! Wait! Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Guys, guys, what are we doing?

Kel is in the hospital.

We can't finish this without Kel, right?

[ Laughs ]

Right?

Alderman?

Just explain it. I'm -- What was the goal?

[ Spray nozzle hisses ]

♪♪

This isn't the last they've heard of Allen Gayle.

♪ I had a plan, I had a good plan ♪

♪ I wrote it down, down in my journal ♪

♪ Knew it would happen, I knew it would... ♪

I really got to pay my power bill.

♪ I-I-I was born on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ Good days on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ Got paid on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ Went to church on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ Went to work on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ Whole family from the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ Couldn't wait to go outside on the South Side ♪

♪ South Side! ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ South Side! ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ South Side! ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ South Side! ♪

♪ I was born on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪♪