Original subtitles

I love when you get your car back from the car place,

and it's got that... paper mat on the floor.

Like they're so obsessed with cleanliness.

They don't even want their shoes to touch the carpet.

Meanwhile, the mechanic comes out.

He looks like Al Jolson.

He's covered in goo from head to toe.

You can't even see him.

Although I prefer that to when they have the lab coat,

the clipboard, the nice glasses.

Now you know you're getting screwed.

"Can I see it?" "You better not.

"It's idling quietly right now.

"I think it should stay overnight.

"I think it should stay overnight.

"We wanna keep an eye on it,

and we wanna keep the bill running up."

You can tell the players that I reimbursed the trainer

for the cigarettes and the diet shakes.

The players will be reimbursed?

The trainer, George.

Tell the players I reimbursed the trainer.

What's the matter? This is the third time I had to repeat myself.

Sorry, Mr. Wilhelm. Sorry doesn't cut it.

We're running a ball club here, George.

You've got to pay attention.

I know, sir. It won't happen again.

Let me see. I, uh...

I had an assignment for you.

Huh. Let me... Let me think here.

PETERMAN: Elaine.

Hi, Mr. Peterman.

You know what a huge fan I am of John F. Kennedy.

I do.

It was the Peace Corps that gave me my start in this business.

Clothing the naked natives of Bangtubesh.

The Pygmy pullover.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Sotheby's is having an auction of JFK's memorabilia.

One item in particular has caught my eye.

One item in particular has caught my eye.

The presidential golf clubs.

Oh. To me,

they capture that indefinable romance that was Camelot.

Eh. Whatever.

But unfortunately, I will be out of town with my lady friend

and therefore unable to bid on the lot.

I was hoping maybe you would go in my stead.

Oh. Oh, yeah. I'd be happy to.

How much do you want this thing?

I mean, you know, how high are you willing to go?

I would see no trouble in spending up to, say,

$10,000.

Have my secretary give you a signed check.

Wow.

...when you're done, George, and bring it directly to me.

Mr. Steinbrenner is very interested in this.

Yes, sir.

Yes, George.

I want you to make this project a top priority.

I will, sir. Top priority.

Top priority, George. Top priority!

So he walks out of the stall.

So he walks out of the stall.

He's been talkin' the whole time.

He pulled an LBJ on you.

LBJ?

Lyndon Johnson used to do that to his staffers.

No kidding? Oh, yeah.

He'd hold national security meetings in there.

He planned the Hanoi bombing after a bad Thai meal.

Well, I still don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I don't even know what my assignment is.

Ask him to repeat it. Tell him there was an echo in there.

I can't. He's been on my case about not paying attention.

Besides, it's too late. I already told him I heard him.

You know what you do?

Ask him a follow-up question.

Tell him you're having trouble getting started,

Tell him you're having trouble getting started,

and you want his advice.

Yeah.

Follow-up question, that'll work.

Hey, bud. Hey.

Can I have my keys-- Yeah.

--back please.

You should have come, Jerry.

We made quite a haul.

Where'd you go? Price Club.

Why didn't you take your car?

Ah, the steering wheel fell off.

I don't know where it is.

What are you doing? Don't throw that away.

Well, I'm not paying the 5 cents for that stupid recycling thing.

You don't pay 5 cents. You get 5 cents back.

Here, read the label: "Vermont, Connecticut,

Here, read the label: "Vermont, Connecticut,

"Massachusetts, New York. Refund--"

Vroot! "--5 cents."

Refund? Yeah.

Well, what do you think the hobos are doing?

I don't know. They're deranged.

All right, listen. Can you give me a lift back to my place?

No, I can't. I gotta pick up Elaine.

I'm taking her to this Kennedy auction.

All right. I'll see you later. All right.

What is this "MI, 10 cents"?

That's Michigan.

In Michigan you get 10 cents.

Ten cents? Yeah.

Wait a minute. You mean, you get 5 cents here and 10 cents there?

Wait a minute. You mean, you get 5 cents here and 10 cents there?

Round up bottles here and run them to Michigan.

No, that doesn't work.

What do you mean? You get enough bottles--

You overload your inventory,

and you blow your margins on gasoline.

Trust me. It doesn't work.

You're not talking that deposit-bottles scam, are you?

No, no, I'm off that.

You tried it?

Oh, yeah, every which way. Couldn't crunch the numbers.

It drove me crazy.

You two keep an eye on each other?

No problem. You bet.

Are you sure you didn't hear my car making a funny noise?

I know those two idiots did something to it.

No, I didn't hear anything.

(GASPS)

Oh, my God. Look who's here.

JERRY: Sue Ellen Mischke,

the braless, Oh Henry! candy-bar heiress.

Well...

Hello, Elaine. Jerry.

Hi, Sue Ellen. Hi, Sue Ellen.

Well, I'm surprised to see you here.

Come to catch a glimpse of high society?

Come to catch a glimpse of high society?

(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)

No. No, I'm actually here to bid, Sue Ellen.

I mean, that is if anything's to my liking.

I'm here to catch a glimpse.

Of high society.

Well, I hope you find something that fits your budget.

I hate that woman.

NEWMAN: I don't understand.

You fill an 18-wheeler.

You fill an 18-wheeler.

No, an 18-wheeler is no good. Too much overhead.

You've got permits, weigh stations, tolls.

Look, you're way outta your league.

I wanna learn.

I want to know why.

Oh.

Those are handsome.

Look at that set.

Yeah, think I might bid on those.

(GAVEL STRIKES) AUCTIONEER: Lot number 745.

We have a full set of golf clubs

We have a full set of golf clubs

that were owned by President John F. Kennedy,

as seen in the famous photograph

of the president chipping at Burning Tree

on the morning of the Bay of Pigs Invasion.

The set is in perfection condition,

and we will start the bidding at $4000.

Four thousand dollars? Do I have $4000?

I have $4000. Do I have 5?

Five thousand dollars. I have $5000. Do I have 6?

Six thousand dollars for this set of beautiful clubs.

Six? I have $6000.

Can I have 6500?

Can I have 6500?

Sixty-five hundred to the...

dark-haired person on the right.

We are at 6500.

Do I hear 6600?

The president's own golf clubs.

Leisure life at Camelot.

Sixty-five hundred going once.

Eight thousand.

AUCTIONEER: Eight thousand.

We have 8000. The bid is now $8000.

What is she doing?

She's starting in on the bidding now? I--

Eighty-five hundred.

We have 85.

Nine thousand.

Nine thousand dollars.

Nine thousand dollars.

I think she wants those clubs.

Do I hear 95? Ninety-five hundred.

Ninety-five hundred.

Ten thousand.

Ten thousand to the...

shapely woman on the left.

Ten thousand going once.

Well, that's your ceiling.

Ten thousand going twice.

Eleven thousand.

Twelve thousand.

Thirteen thousand.

Fourteen thousand.

Fifteen thousand!

Peterman is gonna kill me.

I really thought you had her there at 17,000.

Why didn't you stop me?

Do you hear this clunking?

(METAL CLUNKING SOFTLY)

A little.

Oh. You know what?

I'm gonna grab these from you later.

You'll take care of 'em. Okay? Okay.

I'll see you tomorrow. Okay.

Alrighty. Bye. Bye.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(METAL CLUNKING)

(METAL CLUNKING)

What's goin' on?

Oh, my God.

Oh, those idiots!

NEWMAN: So we could put the bottles in a U-Haul.

You know, go lean and mean.

Newman, it's a dead end. Come on.

Hey, there he is. Hey.

You put your groceries under the hood of my car?

Oh, that's right. We forgot about those.

That's where my missing soda is.

That's where my missing soda is.

And your crab legs and a thing of cheese.

The AAA guy said I was this close

to sucking a muffin down the carburetor.

What were you thinking?

We ran out of space.

Now I gotta take the car down to Tony and get it checked out.

He's good. Yeah, he's real good,

but he's so obsessive about the car,

he makes me feel guilty about every little thing wrong with it.

I gotta get it washed before I bring it,

or I'm afraid he'll yell at me.

'Choke?

No. Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

I remember this car.

I remember this car.

Beautiful car.

Yeah, so anyway, the engine's been idling a little rough.

I thought it might be time for a...checkup.

There's really nothing wrong on the inside.

Well, the shift knob is loose. You know about that?

No, I hadn't noticed.

Have you been picking at it?

Have I been picking at it?

No. You know, it's just wear and tear.

Wear and tear, I see.

The engine's really the only thing that needs checking.

You been rotating the tires? Try to.

You don't try to, you do it!

You don't try to, you do it!

Fifty-one percent of all turns are right turns, you know?

Try to.

PETERMAN: Twenty thousand dollars?

Elaine, that's twice the amount I authorized you to spend.

I know, Mr. Peterman.

But-- But-- But once I saw them,

I just couldn't stand to let anyone else have them.

And certainly not some stuck-up candy-bar heiress

who shamelessly flaunts herself in public without any regard--

Well, where are they?

They should be here today.

Uh, uh, Mr. Wilhelm.

Yes, George.

Hi, I-I was just, uh...

I just have one little question about, uh, my assignment.

Yes. Well, I trust things are moving smoothly.

Mr. Steinbrenner's counting on you.

Yes, yes. Very smooth, super smooth.

No, but I really want to attack this thing.

You know, sink my teeth into it.

So I-I was just wondering...

what do you think would be the very best way to get started?

what do you think would be the very best way to get started?

Get started? I don't understand, George.

Well, I was wondering-- You mean you haven't been to payroll?

Payroll. No, haven't done that. What's the problem?

Now, come on, George.

I told the big man you were moving on this.

Now, don't let him down!

(CHUCKLES)

Payroll!

Hello, there.

I'm, uh...

I'm George Costanza.

I'm George Costanza.

Yes.

Assistant to the traveling secretary.

I'm, uh...

working on the project.

What project?

Payroll project.

Wilhelm?

Big, uh... Big payroll project.

You're gonna have to fill me in. I...

You know what? I'll... I'll look around for awhile.

Just browse around. Hey, wait. Excuse me.

Uh, you can't come back here.

Uh, you can't come back here.

I am under direct orders from Mr. Wilhelm.

If you have a problem with that,

maybe you should just take it up with him.

Well, maybe I will.

You know what? I urge you to take it up with him.

Go ahead. Give him a call.

He'll tell you what I'm doing here.

Then you can tell me.

Mr. Wilhelm, uh, this is Lafarge in payroll.

There's a Costanza here.

Says he's working on some project.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

Interesting. Well, that's...

Interesting. Well, that's...

quite a project.

All right. Thank you.

Uh...

I-I'm sorry, uh... that I doubted you.

Whatever you need, just make yourself at home.

So he explained it all to you?

Yes, he explained it all very clearly.

What did he tell you?

Look, you were right, I was wrong!

You don't have to humiliate me about it, all right?

(BUTTONS CLICKING, LEVER CRANKING)

(MUTTERING)

Damn.

NEWMAN: Oh, Mother's Day.

Wait. Wait a second.

Mother's Day? Ah--

Yeah.

Yeah.

(MUTTERS)

Yesss!

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(BURPS)

(CHUCKLING)

Come on, Kramer!

What? It's the truck, Kramer. The truck!

What? It's the truck, Kramer. The truck!

Look, Newman, I told you to let this thing go!

No, no, no, listen to me.

Most days the post office sends one truckload of mail

to the second domestic regional sorting facility

in Saginaw, Michigan. Uh-huh.

But on the week before holidays, we a see surge.

On Valentine's Day, we send two trucks.

On Christmas, four packed to the brim.

And tomorrow, if history is any guide,

we'll see some spillover into a fifth truck.

Mother's Day.

The mother of all mail days.

And guess who's signed up for the truck?

And guess who's signed up for the truck?

A free truck? (LAUGHS)

Oh, boy. That completely changes our cost structure.

Our G and A goes down 50 percent.

We carry a couple of bags of mail, and the rest is ours!

Newman, you magnificent bastard, you did it!

Let the collecting begin!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(♪)

(COINS CLINKING)

(LAUGHS)

So.

So.

Did you go down to payroll?

Yes, payroll. Yes, I did.

Very productive. Payroll paid off.

Then I guess you'll be heading downtown, then, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Downtown.

Definitely.

Well, I'm very interested to see how this thing turns out.

Yeah, you said it. Excuse me, Mr. Wilhelm,

uh, do you really think--?

Well... I-Is--?

Is this downtown trip really necessary,

you know, for the project?

Oh, no, you've got to go downtown, George.

Oh, no, you've got to go downtown, George.

It's all downtown.

Just like the song says.

The song?

There's your answer,

"Downtown."

Downtown? ♪ Downtown ♪

♪ Things'll be great When you're ♪

JERRY: The song "Downtown"?

You mean, the Petula Clark song?

Yeah.

You sure he didn't mention it

because you happened to be going downtown?

I think he was trying to tell me something,

like it had some sort of a meaning.

Okay. So how does it go?

"When you're alone

"When you're alone

"and life is making you lonely,

you can always go..."

"Downtown."

"Maybe you know some little places to go

where they never close."

"Downtown."

Wait a second. Little places to go that never close.

What's a little place that never closes?

7-Eleven?

Maybe.

"Just listen to the music

"of the traffic in the city.

"of the traffic in the city.

"Linger on the sidewalk

where the neon lights are pretty."

Where the neon lights are pretty.

The Broadway area?

No, that's midtown.

"The lights are much brighter there.

"You can forget all your troubles,

"forget all your cares.

Just go."

"Down...town."

"Things will be great when you're..."

"Downtown."

I got nothing, Jerry. Nothing.

Well.

"Don't hang around and let your troubles surround you.

There are movie shows."

You think I should come clean?

What do you think? You think I should confess?

How can you lose?

♪ Downtown ♪

♪ Downtown ♪

♪ Downtown ♪

♪ Downtown ♪

♪ Downtown... ♪

(TAPE REWINDING)

(TAPE REWINDING)

(OVER ANSWERING MACHINE) Yeah, Jerry, it's Tony Abado at the shop.

Look, we gotta talk. You better come down.

Any time after 4.

(MACHINE BEEPS)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello.

Hi, it's me. Oh, hi.

Listen, I need to come over

and pick up the clubs for Peterman.

Oh, you know what?

Oh, no. What?

No, it's no big deal. I left the clubs in the car.

You left them in the car?

How could you leave them in the car?

How could you leave them in the car?

I forgot.

Oh, go down and get them.

No, I can't. The car's at the mechanic's.

Oh, this is great.

All right. Well, where is the mechanic?

I'll just go and pick 'em up myself.

No, no, you can't.

He's working on the car right now.

You cannot disturb him while he's working.

I'm going there in like an hour

if you wanna meet me down there.

You know the place. It's on 56th Street.

Ugh. Okay. All right. Fine.

Hey, Tony.

Thanks for coming in, Jerry.

Sure.

Sure.

I think I know what's going on here.

And I just wanna hear it from you.

But I want you to be straight with me.

Don't lie to me, Jerry.

You know that motor oil you're putting in there?

It's from one of those quickie lube places, isn't it?

Well, I change it so often. I mean--

Jerry, motor oil is the lifeblood of a car.

Okay? You put in a low-grade oil,

you can damage vital engine parts.

Okay, see this gasket?

I have no confidence in that gasket.

Tony, I really don't--

Here's what I wanna do.

Here's what I wanna do.

I wanna overhaul the entire engine.

But it's gonna take a major commitment from you.

You're gonna have to keep it under 60 miles an hour for awhile.

You gotta come in,

and you gotta get the oil changed every thousand miles.

How much money is this gonna cost me?

(SCOFFS)

I don't understand you.

It's your own car we're talking about.

You know, you wrote the wrong mileage down on the form.

You barely know the car.

You don't know the mileage, the tire pressure.

When was the last time you checked the washer fluid?

When was the last time you checked the washer fluid?

But the washer fluid is fine.

The washer fluid is not fine!

All right, you know what? Um...

I just wanna take my car, and I'm gonna bring it someplace else.

What do you mean?

Just can I have my car?

I'm gonna pay my bill, and I'm gonna be on my way.

Well, the car's on a lift.

Well, just get it down.

All right.

Okay. Um, wait here, and I'll...

I'll bring it around. Okay.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

ELAINE: Hey.

Where's the car? Hi.

He's bringing it. Good.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Okay. Thank you.

So, what did they say?

They're sending a detective to my apartment tomorrow.

What the hell were you thinking leaving my clubs in that car?

Well, I didn't count on my mechanic

pulling a Mary Beth Whitehead, did I?

Well, what kind of maniac is this guy?

He's a very special maniac.

What am I supposed to tell Mr. Peterman?

I don't know.

Why couldn't you take better care of that car?

PETERMAN: Well, are they here?

Mr. Peterman, uh...

There seems to be a bit of a snag.

There seems to be a bit of a snag.

Snag.

It seems that a psychotic mechanic

has absconded with my friend's car.

What does that have to do with my clubs?

They happened to be in the back seat at the time.

MAN: What was the suspect wearing

at the time of the incident?

You know, like mechanic's pants,

a shirt that said "Tony."

Lemme ask you something. Have you ever seen a case like this before?

Lemme ask you something. Have you ever seen a case like this before?

All the time.

Mechanic forms an emotional attachment.

Thinks he's gonna lose the car.

He panics and does something rash.

I'm gonna ask you some personal questions.

I'm sorry if I touch a nerve,

but I think it'll help with the case.

Had you been taking good care of the car?

Had I been taking--? Did you leave the AC on?

Do you zip over speed bumps?

Do you ride the clutch? Things like that?

Well, what does it matter? It's my car.

I can do whatever I want with it.

Not that I would...

Not that I would...

think of doing such things.

All right, Mr. Seinfeld,

we'll let you know if we find anything.

I gotta be honest with you.

These cases never end up well.

Well, whatever you can do. Thanks.

Oh, Mr. Wilhelm, about the project, sir.

That's what I came to talk to you about.

Great job, George. You really nailed it.

I did?

Oh, yes, I read through it this morning.

I couldn't have done it better myself.

I couldn't have done it better myself.

And I turned it right over to Mr. Steinbrenner.

Good work, George.

JERRY: I don't get it.

He assigns it to you.

You don't do it.

Somehow it gets done,

and now he's telling you what a great job you did.

Maybe somebody did it and didn't take credit for it.

Maybe it was already done

and didn't need doing in the first place.

I have no idea who did it,

what they did, or how they did it so well.

And you know what?

Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care.

Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care.

The gardener did a nice job planting the rose bushes, didn't he, dear?

WOMAN: You planted the rose bushes, dear.

I did?

Yesterday. You remember.

That's right.

Oh, what's for dinner?

We just ate.

Did you forget to take your medicine?

Oh...

The point is, however it got done,

it's done.

it's done.

So...any luck with the car?

Nah, the police have no leads,

and I just found out today my insurance doesn't cover it.

Why not? They don't consider it stolen

if you willfully give the guy the keys.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, what'd the detective say?

They're looking.

(PHONE RINGS)

I gotta go.

Yello.

MAN: Mr. Seinfeld? Yeah.

It's Detective McMahon.

I'm at the warehouse on pier 38.

Uh...I think you'd better get down here.

Uh...I think you'd better get down here.

Yeah, okay. They may have found the car.

Are the clubs in it? Ask him.

Are there golf clubs in the back?

We really can't tell.

You better bring your service records.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

Watch where you step.

There's quite a bit of grease.

Detective, Jerry Seinfeld is here.

How do you do? Thanks for coming down.

This is Elaine Benes.

We used to date, but now we're just friends.

We used to date, but now we're just friends.

I see.

You know.

I'm sorry to make you go through this,

but we need to make sure.

What's going on? What is this thing?

One of our patrolmen stumbled over this.

(GASPS) Oh, my God.

The block is nearly split apart.

We found the overhead cams 30 feet away.

We can only hope the body's sold for scrap.

Oh, my God.

And we know it's a Saab.

The angle on the V6 is definitely a '92.

The model's hard to determine

because the drive train is all burnt out.

because the drive train is all burnt out.

What is that smell?

Mm.

Look at the clutch. (BOTH GASP)

(GAGS) Excuse me.

Whoever did this didn't just dismantle it.

I mean, they took their time, they had fun,

they were very systematic.

They went out of their way

to gouge the sides of every piston.

And the turbo was separated from the housing,

and shoved right up the exhaust pipe.

(GASPS)

Wait a second. Turbo?

I didn't have a turbo.

Your car is not a turbo?

Your car is not a turbo?

No, it's a 900 S.

It's a turbo, Elaine. A turbo!

(LAUGHING) It's a turbo!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Excuse me. Did you say "turbo"?

Saab Turbo 9000?

(SNIFFLING) Is it...midnight blue?

Yes, ma'am.

KRAMER & NEWMAN: ♪ 9999 bottles and cans In the truck ♪

♪ 9999 bottles and cans ♪

♪ At $0.10 a bottle And $0.10 a can ♪

♪ At $0.10 a bottle And $0.10 a can ♪

♪ We're pulling in $500 a man ♪

♪ 9998 bottles and cans In the truck ♪

♪ 9998 bottles and cans ♪

♪ We fill up with gas We count up our cash ♪

♪ 9997 ♪ ♪ Nine-- 97 ♪

♪ Bottles and cans In the truck ♪

Ah.

(PHONE RINGS)

Yello.

Hey, Jerry. It's Tony.

Tony, where are you?

Tony, where are you?

Oh, look, I just want you to know that the car is fine.

Got her all fixed up.

We're in a nice area, no potholes, no traffic.

So there's nothing to worry about, okay?

In fact, here.

Somebody wants to talk to you.

(ENGINE HUMMING)

Tony, you better bring that car back.

Nobody's giving anything back!

You tried to take it from me.

I don't forget that.

Tony, it is my car, and I want it back.

Oh, your car? You want your car back?

Tony-- Listen.

Tony-- Listen.

That registration may have your name on it, Jerry,

but this engine's running on my sweat and my blood.

Where do I find these guys?

NEWMAN: How much gas we got?

Three quarters of a tank.

That's better than we estimated.

That is seven dollars and 22 cents better.

Oh, baby.

Maybe we could, uh, stop for a snack.

No, no, that's not in the budget.

Well, the budget changed, you know.

I mean, might be a good investment.

That's not a good investment. That's a loss.

Hey, you see that car?

Hey, you see that car?

Looks like Jerry's.

I'm gonna check out that license plate.

Yeah, those are New York plates.

Is that Jerry's number? I don't know.

But that's New York and we're in Ohio.

Those are pretty good odds.

What are you doing? Calling Jerry.

On what?

I brought my phone.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello.

Hey, Jerry. What's your license number?

JERRY: What's up?

Yeah, well, I think I spotted your car.

Yeah, well, I think I spotted your car.

Oh, my God, you're kidding. Hang on a second.

It's JVN...

728.

KRAMER: Hey, that's it!

That's it, Newman. Hey, look, we got him.

We're driving right behind him in a truck.

Oh, my God. Yeah. He said he brought it to the country.

We're in the country, and we're right on his tail.

Good work, Kramer. This is incredible.

Yeah, don't worry, Jerry.

We're right on this guy like stink on a monkey!

I'll check back with ya.

(PHONE RINGS)

Elaine Benes.

Yeah, it's me. Kramer found the car.

Yeah, it's me. Kramer found the car.

(GASPS) Oh, my God. Where is it?

Somewhere in the country. They're following him.

Are the clubs there?

I don't know. They're tailing. I'm waiting for a call.

All right. I'm heading over right now.

What's the status?

Last check-in, they were still on him.

Have they called the police yet?

No, they won't call the police. What? Why not?

They're afraid of trouble from misusing a mail truck.

Kramer doesn't want a record.

Kramer has a record.

Not a federal record.

(PHONE RINGS)

Kramer? Kramer?

JERRY: What's going on? Yeah, nothing.

We're still following him.

Wait a second. He's getting off.

Yeah, he's gonna be going south on the 135.

Keep following him.

All right. I'll follow him.

We can't. We're going north to Michigan.

Yeah, hey, listen, I can't.

It's gonna be taking us out of our way.

I need those clubs.

Kramer, I want my car.

I don't know what to do!

Hey, we got 10,000 deposit bottles here.

I mean, this guy could be going to Arkansas.

Keep following him. Don't let me down.

We can't afford a detour. Our budget won't hold it.

We can't afford a detour. Our budget won't hold it.

Well, I don't know what to do, man!

Stay left! Stay left!

Left, left, left. Stay left!

Right! Go right! Go south!

All right, I'm getting off! I'm gonna go on the ramp!

I hope you realize what you've done.

You've destroyed our whole venture.

This ramp is steep.

All my work, my planning, my genius, all for naught.

Look, we're pulling too much weight.

He's getting away from us. Take the wheel.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna get something.

NEWMAN: Are you crazy? (TIRES SCREECHING)

Keep your foot on the gas.

Keep your foot on the gas.

Hey, you're not dumping those bottles back there, are you?

Hey, Kramer, those have wholesale value.

We can cut our losses.

Bottles below!

(CAR HORN HONKING)

!¡Ándale!

Love this magnifying glass. I feel like a scientist.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh, yeah.

You wanted to see me, sir?

You wanted to see me, sir?

Uh, come in, George. Come in.

Uh, Wilhelm gave me this project you worked on.

Yes, sir.

Let me ask you something.

Having any personal problems at home?

Girl trouble? Love trouble of any kind?

No, sir.

What about drugs? You doing some of that crack cocaine?

You on the pipe?

No, sir.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

Because I got a flash for you, young man.

You're non compos mentis. You got some bats in the belfry.

What--? What are you talking about?

George, I read this report. It's very troubling.

Very troubling indeed. It's a sick mind at work here.

Very troubling indeed. It's a sick mind at work here.

Okay, come on, boys.

Come in here. George, this is Herb and Dan.

They're gonna take you away to a nice place

where you can get some help. Very friendly people.

My brother-in-law was there for a while.

The man was obsessed with lactating women.

They cured him, though he still eats a lot of cheese.

But you see--

You see, I didn't write that report. That's not mine.

Of course you didn't, George. Of course you didn't.

I didn't do it! I-- It just got done!

I don't know how it got done, but it did!

Of course, of course, it got done.

Things get done all the time. I understand.

Don't worry, your job will be waiting for you

Don't worry, your job will be waiting for you

when you get back!

Get better, George! Get better!

KRAMER: Man, I don't understand this.

I ditched every bottle and can, and we still can't gain.

It's like we're...

...sluggish.

We collected all those bottles

and all those cans for what? What a waste.

I'm really gonna catch hell for those missing mail bags.

Hey, wasn't that a pie stand back there?

Hey, wasn't that a pie stand back there?

A pie stand?

Oh, yeah. Homemade pies, 200 yards back.

Oh, come on, pull over. Pull over, will you? Yeah.

Where? I-I don't see it.

Well, open the door. You'll get a better look.

I don't see any pie.

Haaah!

Kramer!

I'm sorry, Newman, you were holding us back.

Kramer!

Jerry, we've lost the fat man, and we're runnin' lean.

We're back on track, buddy.

(♪)

Federal employee.

(HORN HONKING)

(GRUNTING)

I hate corn.

(GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERING)

(PANTING)

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hello, stranger.

Look, I-I'm sorry to bother you,

but I'm a U.S. postal worker,

and my mail truck was just ambushed

by a band of backwoods, mail-hating survivalists.

You just calm down now. Calm down.

Don't worry. We'll take care of you.

This farm ain't much, but, uh, you're welcome to what we have.

Hot bath, hearty meal, Ha-ho.

clean bed.

Oh, thank you, sir.

I just have one rule:

I just have one rule:

Keep your hands off my daughter.

KRAMER: Jerry, we got him.

I'm riding his tail.

There's no escape. He's running scared, buddy.

How's the gas situation?

I got enough to get to Memphis.

He's reaching in back.

Keeps grabbin' at something.

He's pullin' out a gun. He's got a gun, Jerry!

JERRY: Duck, Kramer, duck!

Jeez!

Jeez!

It's a golf club. There's no gun.

He-- He threw a golf club at me!

Those are JFK's golf clubs.

Hey, I'm under fire.

I'm under heavy fire here.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Jeez, there goes a five-iron.

Stop the truck, Kramer. Pick up the clubs.

No, don't stop, Kramer. Keep going.

Don't let him get away.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I think he's done.

Oh, no, he's taking out the woods!

Oh! More.

You'll have to do a lot better than that!

Oh!

(TIRE POPS) (TIRES SCREECHING)

JERRY: What's happening?

This truck is dying.

We're losin' him.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

(HISSING)

KRAMER: I think we lost him.

Damn it.

Can you stop and pick up those clubs, Kramer?

Yeah, yeah, I'll get 'em.

Jeez.

(SIGHS)

Enjoying that mutton?

Oh.

It's delicious mutton.

This is, uh...

This is out of sight.

I would--

I would--

I would love to get the recipe.

It's very good.

(COUGHS)

That cider too strong for you?

No. No,

I love strong cider.

I'm a...

I'm a big strong-cider guy.

Gonna be milkin' the Holsteins in the morning,

if you'd like to lend a hand.

if you'd like to lend a hand.

You know, I don't really know that much about, uh--

I don't have any--

I-I don't think I know much about that.

Ah, Susie will just teach you.

Just gotta pull on the teets a little.

It's nice having a big...

strong man around.

You know, those mail bags, they get mighty heavy.

I, uh...

I Nautilus, of course.

Can I have some gravy? Just...

Steinbrenner had me committed! I'm in the nuthouse.

I'll be back same time next week, Pop.

They-- They took my belt, Jerry.

(WHIMPERS) I got nothing to hold my pants up.

Well, you gotta come over here now!

Just tell him what we talked about,

how I-I didn't do the project, heh-heh.

George?

I see you're finally getting some help.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, Deena, thank God. Thank God, you're here.

Oh, Deena, thank God. Thank God, you're here.

Listen, you gotta help me.

You-- You gotta tell these people that I'm okay.

You know that I don't belong in here.

George...

this is the best thing for you.

Yeah.

What? No, no, Deena. Deena, wait! Deena, help!

It's not what it looks like.

Is that little Georgie C?

How's the folks?

You still got that nice little car?

(GUNSHOT)

(SUSIE SCREAMING)

Aagh! Aagh!

What are you doing?

Kramer, help me, help me!

Jeez!

I told you to keep away from my daughter!

NEWMAN: Aagh-ha-ha!

(GUNSHOT) Yeow!

Don't, Daddy, you'll hurt him.

Don't, Daddy, you'll hurt him.

I love him.

Goodbye, Norman!

Goodbye!

Elaine, you found the clubs. That's wonderful news.

Where are they?

Yep.

Let me get 'em for you, Mr. Peterman.

Oh, I'll be inaugurating them this weekend,

with none other than Ethel Kennedy.

A woman whose triumph in the face of tragedy

is exceeded only by her proclivity to procreate.

The, uh...

The letter of... authenticity is

in the side pocket there.

Elaine.

I never knew Kennedy had such a temper.

Oh-- Oh, yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

The only thing worse was his slice.

(CHUCKLES)

See you on Monday.

See you on Monday.

Have a good game.

(♪)