Original subtitles

I really feel, as human beings,

we need more training in our basic social skills,

conversational distance.

Don't you hate these people that talk to you,

they talk into your mouth, like you're a clown at a drive-thru?

And handshakes is the worst.

There's absolutely no guidelines for handshakes.

You know how many people--? Too strong, too weak.

Sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake,

just the fingers.

Early release, late release.

Sometimes people will dispute your release.

You've let go. They're hanging on.

I have actually said to people,

I have actually said to people,

"Hey, the handshake is over."

Too many pumps,

coming in too high.

Too sweaty. From too far away.

Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip,

late release, and pull you in for the too-close conversation.

To him I say, "That's three strikes. You're out."

(♪)

You know, the timing couldn't be worse.

Is there ever a good time to have your parents stay with you?

You don't understand.

I haven't been together with Rachel for, like, three weeks.

First I was on the road, then my parents show up.

I'm getting a little, uh, backed up.

When are they leaving for Paris?

Not for another three days.

What about her place?

She lives with her parents.

Really?

Hey, maybe this will become, like, a cool thing,

living with your parents.

living with your parents.

Yeah, then maybe baldness will catch on.

Things will all be turning your way.

Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on.

When the aliens come,

who do you think they're gonna relate to?

Who do you think is gonna be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?

The baldies.

Hey, my parents want to have your parents over

for dinner before they leave town.

Good. Then I get the apartment for at least one night.

I'm paying for this whole Paris trip.

It's their anniversary present.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Alec. Hey, Alec.

This is Joey.

This is Joey.

Hey, Joey. How you doing?

Hi. Hey, listen.

I was wondering if either one of you guys

would be interested in doing some work

for the Big Brother program.

I'm kinda running the local chapter.

What do you say, George?

Well, uh--

Wouldn't you like to be a big brother

to someone like me?

Please?

Well...

Sure, Joey. Sure.

I would be thrilled.

That's great, George. Thanks.

I'll get in touch with you.

Wouldn't you like to be a big brother--?

Wouldn't you like to be a big brother--?

All right, Joey. That's enough. Let's go.

See you.

What happened?

What could I do?

Did you see the mug on that kid?

Wouldn't you like to pass the ketchup

to someone like me?

Please?

Hey, have you noticed they moved

where they do the interview on Jeopardy now?

Yeah, it used to be right in the middle of Single Jeopardy.

Now they do it right after Single Jeopardy.

Yeah. It's much better, isn't it?

Oh, no comparison.

Hey, I gotta stop at the bookstore, to get my parents one of those

French-English dictionaries.

French-English dictionaries.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What?

Your parents are going to Paris, right?

Yeah.

So, I tell Alec

that I have to go to Paris

for an undetermined amount of time.

Then all I have to do is buy some postcards

and have your parents mail them from Paris.

What about little Joey?

Who?

I think he's probably better off.

GEORGE: I'm trying to get out of this Big Brother program.

So, when you get to Paris, all you have to do is

drop them in any mailbox.

But there are no stamps on these.

But there are no stamps on these.

Well, no, not yet. You got to buy French stamps.

I'll-- I'll reimburse you, of course.

Why are you doing this?

He wants this guy to think he's in Paris.

Why?

Because George is a deeply-disturbed individual.

Oh, hey. Helen, uh...

could I use some more of your hand lotion?

I told you it was good. Yeah.

It's from the Saks Fifth Avenue in Miami.

Mm. I'm gonna remember that if I'm ever in Florida.

Yeah. Or if you're ever on Fifth Avenue

here in New York City.

You can get some there. Yeah?

Say, those are nice pants.

Say, those are nice pants.

I got a pair just like them at home.

That doesn't surprise me.

I bought these at Rudy's.

It's a used clothing store.

See, when people like you die...

the widows, they bring in their wardrobes.

They make a bundle.

Really?

My father's got a ton of old clothes,

just sitting up in the attic.

You think they're worth something?

Yeah, if they're vintage...

and you're a widow.

What happens if the husband dies after the wife?

Who brings the clothing in then?

I suppose the children do.

Yes, I suppose they do.

Yes, I suppose they do.

All right. I got a 10:00. I'll see everybody later.

Hey, ooh, I just remembered.

My parents really wanna have you guys over for dinner

before you leave town.

What about tonight?

Tonight?

Yeah. They're making paella.

Uh... Oh, I don't think we can make it tonight.

We have plans.

What plans?

We have plans.

We have plans.

Where did you get plans?

We have plans.

Oh. Well, um... what about tomorrow night?

Maybe.

Okay, uh...

I guess I'll tell them that.

Hey, give them our best, though.

Yeah. I'll call you later.

Yeah.

So, what plans do you have?

None.

So, how come you're not going over there for dinner?

Jerry, we don't care much for the Costanzas.

Jerry, we don't care much for the Costanzas.

We can't stand them.

Really? Since when?

Since always. We've never liked them.

Why?

They're so loud. They're always fighting.

It's uncomfortable. You never noticed?

Oh, I noticed. But they're from your age group.

I didn't think you could detect abnormal behavior

among your own kind.

Well, we do.

(DOORBELL BUZZES)

Yeah?

(ELAINE AND AARON LAUGHING)

ELAINE: It's us.

Oh. Come on up.

It's Elaine. You don't have a problem with her, do you?

It's Elaine. You don't have a problem with her, do you?

We adore Elaine.

She wants to say "Hi" with her new boyfriend.

What's he like?

He's nice. Bit of a close talker.

A what?

You'll see.

I really had no idea that

you felt this way about the Costanzas.

They're exhausting. It's like being in an asylum.

(BOTH): Hi.

There she is.

Hello, Elaine!

Hi, Mrs. Seinfeld.

Oh...this is Aaron.

Hello, Aaron.

Hello. Hello, Aaron.

So, how long are you folks in town?

Oh.

Oh.

Three more days.

Three more days, and then we're off to Paris.

Ah.

We're going with a select charter group.

I love France. I was just there last year.

In fact...you know,

I still have an envelope full of French francs.

I'll give them to you.

We can't take money.

No. It's a gift. From us.

Oh, that is so nice, Aaron.

Isn't he nice?

Has Jerry been showing you a good time?

No, I haven't.

No, I haven't.

You know, I have a friend

who works at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

How'd you like a behind-the-scenes tour?

Really? You could do that?

Easily.

It wouldn't be any trouble?

Of course not.

When could we go?

How about right now?

I'm ready.

Are you sure? Yes!

Okay, let me get my coat.

Elaine, what do you say?

Well, I don't think so, Aaron.

Uh...I have plans.

Oh.

Oh.

How about you, Jerry?

I'm swamped.

You sure? You can examine the artwork up close.

Maybe I'll try and catch up with you.

Yeah, that'll happen.

All right. We're off.

Okay. Bye.

Okay, bye-bye. Have a good time.

Bye. See everybody later.

Okay. Bye.

Why would he ask your parents to go to a museum?

I don't know. What is that?

Maybe he was just trying to be nice.

Have you ever heard of anyone doing anything like this?

Have you ever heard of anyone doing anything like this?

Wait a second. He just did me a big favor.

What?

He got them out of the house. What?

I can call Rachel.

Oh.

Oh, no. I got the machine.

Rachel, are you there?

I got the place to myself for a few hours. Rachel!

Where are you?

Rachel!

Sorry, pal. Wish I could help you out.

(SMOOCHES)

FRANK: They're not coming?

No. They had plans.

How could they have plans?

That's what I wanna know.

That's what I wanna know.

What difference does it make?

They wouldn't lie to us. They're our dear friends.

What am I supposed to do with all this paella?

They said tomorrow, maybe.

Maybe? Maybe they don't like us.

Why wouldn't they like us?

(GASPS)

Again with the pepper?

What do you gotta use all that pepper for?

Ah, keep quiet.

What are you, trying to set my mouth on fire?

I don't know what the reason could be.

(LAUGHTER)

Hello. Oh, hi.

Hello. Oh, hi.

What a day.

Ah, Jerry, you would not believe the time we had.

Aaron is quite the tour guide.

Jerry, have you ever seen any of those Impressionist paintings?

Oh, sure, like Monet.

Don't you think he had to be, uh, nearsighted?

I mean, nobody would paint like that if they could see.

It's all out of focus.

Well, he's from the Impressionist school,

you know, like Monet, Manet,

Tippy-tippy-day-day.

I say that guy was painting without his glasses.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Hello.

Rachel.

Rachel.

Yeah.

Uh, no. They're back.

Jerry, if you have something to do,

we can just sit right here and read.

Yes.

Well, uh, I'm sorry too.

Listen... I'll call you later.

Okay, bye.

Well, I should be going.

Oh, thanks again.

Goodbye. Bye.

Hey.

Oh, you must be Kramer.

I've heard about you.

Hey, you must be Aaron. I've heard about you.

(LAUGHS)

Well, see you later.

Yeah.

Bye. Okay.

So, what are you guys doing for dinner?

We have no plans.

Look at that, Helen.

Do you see what he's wearing?

That's the Executive.

What is the Executive?

The beltless trench coat. My father invented it.

I sure did. Raincoats were my business.

The Executive was a classic.

These haven't been made in 20 years.

These haven't been made in 20 years.

Why would they? Nobody bought them then.

He's wearing one.

These are a hot item at Rudy's.

You don't say.

You know, I have boxes of those sitting in my garage in Florida.

Get them up here.

You give me 25 percent, I'll take care of everything.

You got a deal.

Yeah.

This is like the meeting of Smith and Wesson.

I'll call Jack Klompus.

He's got a key to the garage.

He can send them overnight delivery.

You're gonna first start shipping boxes?

We're leaving for Paris in three days.

We're leaving for Paris in three days.

He'll send them express.

You're crazy.

I'll tell you how crazy I am.

I'm gonna pay for this whole trip with these coats.

I'm paying for the trip.

So much the better.

Anyway, it's kind of a fluke thing, but, uh,

I'll be leaving for Paris in two days and...

I will send you a postcard when I get there.

Paris, huh?

Yeah, yeah. You know, I feel terrible about Joey,

but it's a great business opportunity.

but it's a great business opportunity.

I don't even know how long I'm gonna be away for.

Where will you stay?

An apartment complex.

The, uh-- The Eiffel Towers.

Uh...

Like I said, uh,

you'll be getting a postcard in a few days.

And again, I'm sorry.

George, you have no idea how fantastic this is.

Fantastic? Yeah.

We've been trying to reunite Joey with his father,

who lives in Paris.

But he's afraid to fly alone.

But he's afraid to fly alone.

You know, he's kind of withdrawn.

But he seems to take to you.

So, it's a perfect solution.

Gee. What a coincidence. Yeah.

And you'll send me a postcard.

Helen really seemed to respond to Renoir.

I think she really connected

with the way he painted children.

Mm-hmm.

And that Morty...

I'll tell you, that old guy's full of life.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

He was convinced Monet was nearsighted.

I kept telling him.

Aaron?

Yes?

Uh...let me ask you a question.

How come you asked Mr. and Mrs. Seinfeld,

to go to the museum with you?

Well, they were in from out of town.

I thought they would enjoy it.

Uh-huh.

Um, you didn't feel uncomfortable

spending the whole day at the museum

with two complete strangers

with two complete strangers

who are more than twice your age?

No.

It was fun.

You had fun with Mr. and Mrs. Seinfeld?

Yeah.

They bought me a Coke.

How'd you come up with the idea for the beltless trench coat?

I came home one night

and I tripped over one of Jerry's toys.

So I took out my belt, just to threaten him.

And I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

And I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

How serendipitous.

So, that night, I cut off the loops,

and the Executive was born. Mm.

He also came up with an idea for a brimless rain hat,

but that never materialized.

All right, come on. Let's play.

Did you call Jack Klompus yet?

I haven't been able to reach him.

I'll call him right now. Come on.

Just a second.

Jerry, have you seen Schindler's List?

No, I haven't seen it yet.

Oh, you have to go. You have to.

I'm going.

You have to. Okay.

Hello, Jack? Yeah?

Jack, it's Morty.

Who died?

Nobody died.

Jack, I want you to do me a big favor.

In my garage there are a couple of boxes.

What boxes?

I'm gonna explain what boxes.

All right. How the hell do I know?

Anyway, there are these three big boxes. You can't miss them.

I want you to ship them here to New York for me.

I thought you were going to Paris.

I'm still going to Paris.

I got a big deal cooking here.

What's in the boxes?

Raincoats. Raincoats?

Raincoats. Raincoats?

You think you're gonna sell those old, crappy raincoats?

That's garbage.

HELEN: I guarantee you,

Doris is not letting him mail those boxes.

When do you want these?

Send them tomorrow.

ESTELLE: So...

you think they're coming tonight?

I don't know. They said maybe.

Of course they're coming. They're leaving soon.

If they don't come tonight, they might not see us.

Well, they better come.

I got all this paella.

I admire Morty and Helen going to France.

I admire Morty and Helen going to France.

We should take a trip.

Maybe a cruise.

Yes, a cruise.

A long cruise.

Just the two of you.

Georgie, what were you doing,

poking around the attic last night?

I...

I wasn't in the attic.

I heard noise.

Maybe it was a mouse.

Okay, that's it! We're moving!

What?

I will not tolerate infestation.

You haven't even seen one.

You haven't even seen one.

Don't you understand? The very thought, the very idea.

I'll never be comfortable again.

All right, Frank, that's enough.

GEORGE: I guess I've been hanging onto them

for so long, because...

I just couldn't accept the fact

that Dad was really gone forever.

Uh-huh.

They will get a good home, won't they?

Look, I gotta be honest with you.

There's nothing here too spectacular.

Oh, I beg to differ.

My father took great pride in his appearance.

He was a very handsome man. A Casanova, really.

I'll give you $200 for the three boxes.

Could you make it 225?

That was his high game in bowling.

Yeah, I'm in a good mood. Here.

Thank you.

Hey...George. What are you doing here?

Uh, I'm just selling some of Dad's things.

That's what he would have wanted.

Oh. I got you.

Oh. I got you.

That'll do.

Oh, hey, guess what. Morty Seinfeld and I

are going into business together selling raincoats.

Hey, that's swell.

We worked it all out over dinner last night.

Dinner? What?

You...had dinner with the Seinfelds?

Yeah, last night.

Was this something you had planned for a while?

No, it was spur of the moment.

Well, you-- You know Morty.

He likes to fly by the seat of his vintage pants.

They had plans. They had plans!

Ooh. Boy, I've never seen these before.

Ooh. Boy, I've never seen these before.

They just came in.

Part of my springtime cruise collection.

Two for $25.

Oh, I'll take these. Yeah. All right.

Hey, remember this raincoat that you sold me?

Sure. That's the Executive. Uh-huh.

Do you have any others?

I wish. They don't make them anymore. Come here.

Suppose I told you I have 50 in mint condition.

You interested? Very interested.

They're coming in from Florida.

Bring them in. So, you'll buy them?

I don't see what would possibly stop me.

Ahhh, hahhh.

Aha!

They had plans, huh? They were busy.

They were busy with their big plans, huh?

What are you talking about?

Mom and Pop Seinfeld.

Look, I don't know.

I know what they did last night.

They had dinner with Kramer.

Oh, they were tired. It was a last-minute thing.

They don't wanna have dinner with my parents?

That's right.

Something wrong with my parents? Absolutely.

They're wonderful people.

The same people you currently live with?

The same people you currently live with?

Yes!

Uh-huh.

So, are they coming tonight?

I don't know what their plans are.

Okay. Fine.

It's going to be very interesting.

Very interesting if they don't show up tonight.

You know, my mother made all this paella.

What is that, anyway?

It's a Spanish dish.

It's a melange of fish and meat with rice.

Very tasty.

All right. I'll tell them.

Could you do one other thing for me?

Name it.

Name it.

Would your parents have any objections

to taking a little kid to Paris with them?

It turns out that the kid's father lives in Paris.

Is that a coincidence?

Alec wants me to take him over there.

So I figure as long as they're going--

You thought as long as they're mailing postcards,

it wouldn't be too much to ask my parents

to drag a child who they've never seen

through the streets of Paris?

through the streets of Paris?

If you think it's too much,

they don't have to mail the postcards.

So, where's he taking you?

First, we're going to a matinee. I'm taking the afternoon off.

We're gonna go see My Fair Lady.

And then we're gonna go to dinner.

He knows all these fantastic places.

You are one lucky girl.

Wish I could find a nice guy.

Oh. Hi, Aaron.

Hey, Joanne. (LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY)

Hey.

Hi.

Hello, hello!

Hello, Elaine.

(LAUGHTER)

I was able to finagle two more tickets to My Fair Lady,

and I thought, why not ask Morty and Helen?

Great.

This is some office.

What's the square footage?

You don't mind, do you, Elaine?

Mind? Oh, of course not.

We can make a whole day of it.

We can make a whole day of it.

This is some building.

Harry Fleming used to have an office here.

There was a deli on the first floor.

You don't get corned beef like that anymore.

What happened to that deli?

I really don't know, Mr. Seinfeld.

(WOMAN SINGING "I COULD HAVE DANCED ALL NIGHT" FROM MY FAIR LADY)

♪ I could have danced All night! ♪

♪ I could have danced All night! ♪

♪ And still have begged For more ♪

♪ I could have Spread my wings ♪

♪ I could have Spread my wings ♪

♪ And done a thousand things ♪

♪ I've never done before ♪

♪ I'll never know ♪

♪ What made it so exciting ♪

♪ Why all at once ♪

♪ My heart took flight... ♪

Mm. Mm. Mmm...

We better not.

We better not.

Look, they're gonna be here any second.

When are they leaving?

In two days.

It's been so long.

I know.

Okay.

It's only two more days.

Right.

Thursday, 3:00.

MORTY: ♪ I could have danced All night ♪

♪ I could have danced all night And still-- ♪

Oh!

Oh, hi.

We didn't know you had company. Yeah.

This is Rachel. Hi.

This is Rachel. Hi.

Hello, Rachel. We'll come back another time.

What other time?

Whenever. Where you going?

We'll drive around for a while.

You don't have a car.

We'll take a bus.

Come on, stop.

No, we don't mind.

I'll get a book.

No, no, it's okay. I was just leaving anyway.

Are you sure? We don't want--

No, it's okay.

So, we'll go see Schindler's List later.

Definitely. Okay.

It was nice meeting you. Okay.

Nice meeting you.

I'll call you later.

Boy, that was some show.

Boy, that was some show.

What show?

My Fair Lady.

When did you get tickets to see that?

Aaron surprised us. And Elaine came.

Oh, Elaine? Really?

Well, that sounds interesting.

We saw Regis Philbin get out of a limousine.

He looks better on TV.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Hello, Jerry?

Yeah?

It's Jack Klompus.

Oh, hi, Jack.

So, when are you coming down to Florida again?

So, when are you coming down to Florida again?

As soon as is humanly possible.

You know,

I still got that pen,

the one that writes upside down.

Yeah, yeah. I should have kept it.

So, where's your father?

Oh, he's right here.

Yeah?

Hello, Morty.

Listen...I can't get in the garage.

What do you mean?

There is something wrong with the gate.

The gate doesn't work.

You gotta jiggle it a little bit.

I jiggled it. I jiggled it for 15 minutes.

I jiggled it. I jiggled it for 15 minutes.

Tell him to come down here and get his own packages.

You have nothing better to do than to worry about his boxes?

You gotta pull on the knob as you turn it.

Get the hell outta here with your knob!

What does he want from you?

My idiot son could open that garage door.

What did I do?

Just do it first thing tomorrow. I need it.

They'll be here first thing Thursday morning.

Thursday morning? You know we're leaving at 3:00.

Yeah, you're leaving at 3:00.

How you gonna get this done in time?

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, how will get this done in time?

Yeah, how will get this done in time?

GEORGE: They were drinking champagne in a buggy!

First Kramer, then Elaine?

Yeah.

It's a slap in the face.

What did we ever do to them?

I want to know what we did to them.

What are they, too good for us?

A raincoat salesman.

I could buy and sell him, like that.

The hell with them!

The thing that bothers me the most is the lying.

Well, let's forget about it.

We're going on a beautiful vacation.

Vacation?

Your mother and I are planning on taking a cruise.

Ohh!

But I can't find any of my vacation clothes.

There were in the attic.

The attic?

You haven't worn any of those clothes for years.

How can I go on a cruise without my cabana-wear?

I love those-- Those clothes.

Aah! A mouse! I saw a mouse!

It's the remote.

Where the hell are my clothes?

I love those clothes.

I love those clothes.

Lousy, moth-ridden crap.

I'm not crazy about used clothes.

I mean, they call it vintage, you know,

to take your mind off of what it really is--

nasty-wear.

"Oh, it's clean. People wear underwear."

Yeah, well, they don't wear iron underwear.

And that's what it's gonna take

to get me in those clothes.

I mean, I'll move into an apartment

after a strange person moves out.

Why would I want to move into somebody's pants?

Why would I want to move into somebody's pants?

There is no vintage underwear, of course.

But it's not because a guy couldn't sell his underwear.

It's because men wear their underwear

until it absolutely disintegrates.

Men hang onto underwear

until each individual underwear molecule is so strained,

it can barely retain the properties of a solid.

It actually becomes underwear vapor.

We don't even throw it out.

We just open a window,

and it goes out like dandelion spores.

That's how men throw out underwear.

That's how men throw out underwear.

We just go-- (BLOWS)

And it's gone. That's it.

(MOVIE DIALOGUE IN GERMAN)

Hey. MORTY: Hey, Jerry.

So, how was the movie?

Oh. Really good.

Really good.

Didn't the three hours go by just like that?

Like that.

What about the end, with the list?

Yeah, that was some list.

What'd you think of the black and white?

The black and white?

The whole movie was in black and white.

Oh, yeah. I didn't even realize.

You don't even think about it.

There's so much going on.

There's so much going on.

Yeah. Yeah.

I tell you, I could see it again.

So, Klompus has the key, but the jerk couldn't open it up.

All you got to do is jiggle it.

You just get it in there, jiggle it, jiggle it.

Look, I find this whole thing very uninteresting.

When you get the coats, come in.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm on your side. Yeah, yeah.

Hey. What, again?

I'm trying to buy some of the clothes back.

Hey, you want to come over for dinner tonight?

My mother made all this extra paella.

My mother made all this extra paella.

Paella? Yeah, I'll be there.

Apparently, the Seinfelds are too good for us.

I shouldn't say anything bad about your partner.

No, we're not really partners. I only get 25 percent.

Twenty-five percent? It was your idea.

Yeah, I know.

You're doing all the legwork.

That's right.

He's ripping you off.

You're right! He's ripping me off.

If anybody should be getting more, it's you.

He's ripping me off!

Don't let him take advantage of you like that.

Aah!

Oh, it's you.

You're the one who sold me the moth-ridden cabana crap.

You know, I've been thinking.

Why is Kramer getting 25 percent?

Well, he told you about the place.

So what? Why is that worth 25 percent?

It's a finder's fee. You know what a finder's fee is?

You find something, you get a fee.

A finder's fee is 10 percent, no more.

Well, it's too late now.

Those are my coats. I saved them, I stored them.

I've been waiting years for this payoff.

I've been waiting years for this payoff.

Well, you're not gonna say anything. Hm.

I've been thinking about something.

Yeah. So have I. Ah!

I don't think the deal is fair.

You don't think it's fair? No. No. No.

I found the place. I set the whole thing up.

I'm doing all the legwork.

What legwork?

Oh, there's legwork.

If anything, you're getting too much.

Too much?

That's right. They're my coats.

Okay, look, I want 35 percent.

I'm thinking more like 15.

No way I'm taking 15.

Well, you're not getting 35!

All right, let's compromise.

All right, let's compromise.

Twenty-five percent.

Okay, it's a deal.

RUDY Moths are the scourge of my business.

All it takes is one moth to lay eggs.

You know what happens to the larvae?

They hatch and they're everywhere.

Well, I'm-- I'm sorry.

Here's your money back.

And I'll take the clothes.

This will hardly put a dent in my fumigation bill.

So, uh, where are the clothes?

I burned them.

Oh. That's good.

ELAINE: Now, I know they're your parents, Jerry,

ELAINE: Now, I know they're your parents, Jerry,

and they're very nice people.

But don't you think it's odd that a 35-year-old man

is going to these lengths

to see that someone else's parents are enjoying themselves?

Don't you find that abnormal?

It is a tad askew.

I mean, they're your parents, and you don't do anything.

So, why is this stranger doing it?

I've hardly been out to dinner with them.

See? And I can't even say anything.

Because all he's really doing is being nice.

But nobody is this nice.

But nobody is this nice.

This is like certifiably nice.

You're right. He's insane.

Yes. He's insane. That's what I think.

So, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, God. So, how was the movie?

Uh, from what I saw, it was pretty good.

Yeah, what do you mean "from what you saw"?

Well, I, uh--

I didn't actually get to see the whole movie.

Yeah? Why not?

I was, kind of, um... making out.

I was, kind of, um... making out.

You were making out during Schindler's List?

I couldn't help it.

We hadn't been alone in a long time.

It just got the better of me.

During Schindler's List?

We're both living with our parents.

Did anybody see you? Did anyone say anything?

No, I don't think so.

I saw Newman as I was leaving, but he didn't see me.

Oh.

Hello, Mrs. Seinfeld.

(IMITATING JERRY) Hello, Newman.

Jerry's not here.

Uh, uh... having a nice trip?

Wonderful. We went to the theater last night.

Oh, the theater.

Because I was wondering...

Wondering what?

Why I didn't see you at Schindler's List with Jerry.

Well, we already saw it.

Oh, well, it's a good thing

for Jerry that you didn't go.

Why is that?

Why is that?

Well, he really seemed to have his hands full,

if you know what I mean.

I'm afraid I don't.

Him and his buxom little friend, Rachel,

were going at it pretty good in the balcony.

What?

What, do I have to spell it out for you?

He was moving on her like the stormtroopers into Poland.

Jerry was necking during Schindler's List?

Yes!

And a more offensive spectacle I cannot recall.

Anyway, I just really came up to get some detergent.

Jerry sends his laundry out.

Jerry sends his laundry out.

Oh, right.

Well, it was nice seeing you folks.

And, oh, by the way, you didn't hear this from me.

Ta-ta.

(LAUGHS)

Hi.

What? What did I do?

How could you?

How could I what?

You were making out during Schindler's List?

You were making out during Schindler's List?

What?

No!

Don't lie, Jerry.

(WHISPERS) Newman!

How could you do such a thing?

I couldn't help it!

We hadn't been alone together in a long time!

And we just started up a little during the coming attractions.

And the next thing we knew, the war was over!

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Hello.

Jerry.

It's Jack Klompus.

It's Jack Klompus.

Hang on a second.

Dad, it's Klompus.

Hello.

Hello, Morty?

Listen. That key doesn't work.

It's no good!

You didn't get in?

Oh, I got in.

I had to break the window with a rock.

And then I got my hand all cut up reaching in.

You broke the window?

He broke the window?

You wanted those damn boxes, didn't you?

DORIS: He should be on his hands and knees thanking you.

Did you send them?

Yeah. They'll be there tomorrow afternoon, 2:00.

Yeah. They'll be there tomorrow afternoon, 2:00.

Tomorrow afternoon?

Tomorrow afternoon?

Tomorrow afternoon?

I told you to send them express!

Well, it was $10 cheaper in the afternoon

than the morning.

I figured, what the hell's the difference?

What did you do about the window?

I got to fix your window now?

All right, all right! Goodbye!

I don't think we're gonna make that flight.

What do you mean?

We have to make the flight.

We're with a charter group.

If we don't, the trip is off.

If we don't, the trip is off.

What's the difference? We'll go someplace else.

Someplace else? What about Paris?

You don't understand.

I've come this far. I can't stop now.

I can't believe that you're doing all this

just to sell some stupid raincoats.

You don't understand. Fashion is cyclical.

This thing could come back.

I think you're out of your mind.

FRANK: I just don't understand

how all those clothes can disappear.

Moths?

Moths ate three boxes?

Well, you know what happens when larvae hatch.

Well, you know what happens when larvae hatch.

They-- They're everywhere.

You know,

I was thinking today.

I never liked those Seinfelds anyway.

He's an idiot altogether.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh, there's Kramer.

KRAMER: Hello?

Hello! KRAMER: Ohhh ohhh ohhh!

Hey.

Good evening.

Hope you're hungry.

Ooh, paella.

Here, let me take your coat.

Oh, yeah. Thanks, buddy.

Hey.

That shirt. Where did you get that shirt?

What?

What?

That's my cabana shirt.

You stole my shirt, you son of a bitch!

George, I had no idea your friends were

up in the attic stealing my clothes!

Give me that back!

Wait. Give me that! Give me!

Hey, I bought it from Rudy!

Rudy? That skunk!

I knew he didn't burn those clothes!

Who's Rudy? What clothes?

I sold your clothes yesterday.

You sold my clothes?

What do you mean, you sold my clothes?

I didn't think you wore them anymore.

It's cruise-wear!

Kramer...

Kramer...

I love that shirt.

That's because it's mine!

You look just like Frank...

on our honeymoon.

Oh.

Well...thank you.

Who's this Rudy?

Rudy's the guy buying Morty's raincoats.

Morty Seinfeld? He's a bum.

Well...the whole deal's going down tomorrow.

Morty's gonna miss his plane for it.

Missing his plane? Wasn't that a charter flight?

Yeah.

Well, what happens to charter tickets,

when you don't use them?

Well, I suppose they're wasted.

Yes, I suppose they are.

Yes, I suppose they are.

Tomorrow I'm going straight down to this Rudy

and get my clothes.

A mouse! Egad! A mouse!

In the bedroom! Aah!

Get in!

You want the tickets? Yes.

You're gonna take this kid to Paris?

Hey, I get a free trip to Paris,

I go in the Big Brothers' Hall of Fame.

I mail my own postcards.

You know, I'm paying for these tickets.

It's all right. I got lunch.

Oh, you should've gone to the Costanzas' for dinner.

Mm. The paella was magnificent.

Have you ever had really good paella?

Have you ever had really good paella?

Not really.

Oh, it's an orgiastic feast for the senses,

a wanton festival of sights, sounds and colors.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Hey, Dad, you sure we're at the right carousel?

This is it.

So, how much we gonna make, hm?

Take it easy.

I've been through a million of these negotiations.

What, 2000, 3000?

That's giving it away. This is a one-of-a-kind item.

More? More than 3000?

Just watch me do my thing. Ha, ha, ha.

Say, Dad, isn't that one of yours?

Look at this. Look how this idiot packed it.

Look at this. Look how this idiot packed it.

He didn't tape it. He just flipped the flaps.

Wait. Ho-hold it.

Kramer, you missed a couple.

Bonjour.

Welcome to the Gateway to Paris charter flight.

Dad, isn't that your charter group?

GEORGE: Honesty, hard work.

These are the values that I was raised with.

The most important thing, Joey,

is to be able to look yourself in the mirror

before you go to sleep at night.

Hey, I got news for you, four-eyes:

There's no way you're staying with us in Paris.

FRANK: You burned them?

Those clothes are not yours to burn.

Who are you anyways?

I'm the father.

He said his father was dead.

He said I was dead?

That's right.

Squeezed an extra $25 out of me.

That's what my life is worth to him, $25?

Hey, Frank!

Oh. Hey, I just want you to know

that I'm retracting that dinner invitation.

Well, you don't have to retract it, 'cause we never went.

I'm retracting that it was ever offered.

I retract your retraction.

What are you, trying to unload some of that junk of yours?

What are you, trying to unload some of that junk of yours?

Will you excuse me, please?

We're conducting business here.

Keep your raincoats. I'm not interested.

I thought we had a deal.

That's another one of my shirts!

I'm not buying any more clothes from anyone off the street.

Who's off the street? I'm in the raincoat business 35 years.

Maybe they have moths, like his stuff.

My clothes don't have moths!

Because of his moths, you're not buying my raincoats?

That's right.

(LAUGHS) I'm all ticklish!

MAN (OVER PA): Flight 433 now boarding for Miami at gate 18-A.

MAN (OVER PA): Flight 433 now boarding for Miami at gate 18-A.

Flight 433, now boarding.

Okay, let's go.

It was so nice of you to come to the airport

to see us off.

Are you sure you can't stay a little longer?

No! No!

Goodbye. Bye.

Bye-bye. Take care.

Okay, Jer. See ya.

Bye-bye, Elaine. Bye-bye.

We'll call you when we get home.

Thank you.

I think she meant me, but--

And make sure Kramer uses good tape

when he sends back the raincoats.

Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Aaron?

Aaron, are you okay?

I could've done more.

I could've done so much more.

You did enough.

No. I could've called the travel agency,

got them on another flight to Paris.

I could've got them out!

You tried, Aaron. It was too expensive.

This watch.

This watch could've paid for their whole trip.

This ring...

This ring is one more dinner

I could've taken them out to.

I could've taken them out to.

Water.

They need some water.

Why?

They'll get dehydrated on the plane!

Get the Seinfelds some water!

Please!

Please!

Hi, Mr. Goldstein. Is Rachel home?

I'm afraid Rachel's not going to be able to see you tonight,

or any other night for that matter.

Why? What did I do?

You know very well.

I heard about your behavior at the movies the other night.

I heard about your behavior at the movies the other night.

It was disgraceful.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I, for one, will not allow my daughter to be involved

with someone of such weak moral fiber.

Fortunately, my postman happened to witness the entire incident.

A heavyset fellow. I believe he lives in your building.

(MOUTHS) Newman. Now, if you don't mind.

Rachel.

Rachel. Good night.

JERRY: So, my parents get home,

they open the door, my father flicks the light on,

the whole place is cleaned out...everything.

(GASPS) Get out!

How did that happen?

How did that happen?

The broken window. Klompus never fixed it.

They just walked right in.

Ohh boy. They could use a vacation.

Yeah, they're taking one.

The travel agent's trying to set something else up for them.

So, how about that Aaron? (WHISTLES)

You know what drove me crazy about him?

Did you ever notice that he stood too close to you when he talked?

No, I hadn't noticed.

Pair of bear claws, please.

Hi, Newman.

Hello, Jerry.

Hello, Jerry.

Say, I happened to catch you

coming out of Schindler's List the other night.

Oh. Were you there?

Yes, I was.

It's a pow-- It's a powerful film.

Yes. Shocking brutality, don't you think?

Shocking.

Yeah, well, that was nothing.

Jerry! Jerry!

(TRADITIONAL FRENCH MUSIC PLAYING)

GEORGE: Where the hell is your father?

ESTELLE: This is the best thing we ever did.

ESTELLE: This is the best thing we ever did.

I just hope those exterminators know what they're doing.

Ah, forget about them. Let's just try and relax.

Personal distance is a very important thing.

There's a new personal distance, ATM distance.

When someone's using an ATM,

you want to be about 6 feet back, don't you?

People get a little edgy around that ATM, don't they?

They got their money out,

their eyes are darting all around.

The other place I want to be about 6 feet away is a urinal.

You want some distance there too.

ATMs and urinals.

I guess whenever someone's taking valuables out of their pants,

I guess whenever someone's taking valuables out of their pants,

you want to give them as much room as possible.

(♪)