Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:03,033
My parents had
two constant arguments
2
00:00:03,066 --> 00:00:05,000
while they were driving,
3
00:00:05,033 --> 00:00:07,833
over either how fast
my father was going,
4
00:00:07,866 --> 00:00:10,233
or how much gas was left
in the tank.
5
00:00:10,266 --> 00:00:12,533
My father had
a standard defense
6
00:00:12,566 --> 00:00:14,533
for either one of these.
It was always,
7
00:00:14,566 --> 00:00:16,233
"That's because
you're looking at it
8
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,833
from an angle."
9
00:00:17,866 --> 00:00:19,566
[LAUGHTER]
10
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:20,666
If you were over here--
11
00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,233
it looks from where
you're sitting,
12
00:00:22,266 --> 00:00:24,733
it looks like
I'm doing 90 on empty,
13
00:00:24,766 --> 00:00:26,800
[LAUGHTER]
14
00:00:26,833 --> 00:00:28,800
but that's because you're
over there.
15
00:00:28,833 --> 00:00:30,000
If you were over here,
16
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,200
If you were over here,
17
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:32,833
you'd know I'm in the driveway
with a full tank.
18
00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:40,366
JERRY:
So George and I
went up to NBC,
19
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,166
and we told them
the idea for the series,
20
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,966
and now we're just waiting
to sign the contract.
21
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,166
And they liked the idea?
Yeah.
22
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,133
What do you got,
leather seats here?
23
00:00:47,166 --> 00:00:48,633
Since when
is George a writer?
24
00:00:48,666 --> 00:00:50,666
What writer?
It's a sitcom.
25
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:51,866
This is so exciting.
26
00:00:51,900 --> 00:00:53,466
When are you
going to sign the contract?
27
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,666
Soon. There's
a couple of problems.
28
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,666
Jerry, I wanna tell you,
that meal was the worst.
29
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:57,700
What do you expect?
30
00:00:57,733 --> 00:00:58,700
It's airline food.
31
00:00:58,733 --> 00:01:00,300
They give you
that fish.
32
00:01:00,333 --> 00:01:02,000
How could you
eat fish on a plane?
33
00:01:02,033 --> 00:01:03,566
Because she puts up
such a big stink
34
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,166
every time I have
a piece of meat.
35
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:05,619
What kind of problems?
36
00:01:05,619 --> 00:01:06,566
What kind of problems?
37
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,333
Well, George doesn't think
$13,000 is enough money.
38
00:01:09,366 --> 00:01:10,866
What? He's not even working.
39
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,000
George is right.
40
00:01:12,033 --> 00:01:14,300
Those people will try
to get away with murder.
41
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,166
Believe me,
they're all crooks.
42
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,000
Jerry, I want you
to sign that contract.
43
00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:19,333
We're gonna sign it!
44
00:01:19,366 --> 00:01:20,366
In fact,
George is out
45
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,066
with the woman
from NBC right now.
46
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,633
GEORGE:
So I'm...
47
00:01:24,666 --> 00:01:28,033
I'm afraid we're
gonna have to pass.
48
00:01:28,066 --> 00:01:29,366
You're-- You're passing?
49
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,733
Well, it's much too low.
50
00:01:31,766 --> 00:01:34,233
Are you and Jerry
in complete agreement on this?
51
00:01:34,266 --> 00:01:35,566
[SCOFFS, SNORTS]
52
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:35,619
Yeah, we've talked.
53
00:01:35,619 --> 00:01:36,966
Yeah, we've talked.
54
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,366
I believe I can speak
for the both of us on this.
55
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,866
Because you know
56
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,533
that because this
is your first show,
57
00:01:42,566 --> 00:01:44,233
it's a pretty standard deal.
58
00:01:44,266 --> 00:01:46,033
Standard?
59
00:01:46,066 --> 00:01:47,533
Yeah.
60
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:49,700
Is Ted Danson's deal standard?
61
00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:51,200
Ted Danson?
62
00:01:51,233 --> 00:01:54,500
The guy from Cheers.
Yeah, I know who he is.
63
00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:56,666
You're not Ted Danson.
64
00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,633
I didn't say I was Ted Danson.
65
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:01,700
All right.
66
00:02:01,733 --> 00:02:02,866
I'll tell Russell tomorrow.
67
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,700
You tell Russell.
68
00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:05,619
Oh, um, before I forget.
69
00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:07,733
Oh, um, before I forget.
70
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,500
Cuban cigars.
71
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:13,700
It's a present
from my father.
72
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:16,733
Do I have to write him
a note or something?
73
00:02:16,766 --> 00:02:18,866
Yeah, I'm sure
he'd appreciate that.
74
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:20,466
Well, what would I say
in the note?
75
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,700
Oh, you're a writer.
76
00:02:21,733 --> 00:02:22,700
You'll think of something.
77
00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:23,866
Oh.
78
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:24,866
[SNORTS, LAUGHS]
79
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,133
Yeah, I'm a writer.
80
00:02:27,166 --> 00:02:28,866
I forgot.
81
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,666
Were you waiting long
at the gate?
82
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:34,166
Um, I don't even know.
83
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,619
Where's that watch
we bought you?
84
00:02:35,619 --> 00:02:36,633
Where's that watch
we bought you?
85
00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:37,966
Oh, uh...
86
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,333
That's it
for this piece of junk.
87
00:02:39,366 --> 00:02:40,566
I've had it.
88
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,166
Is that the one
your parents gave you?
89
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,166
Yeah,
but it never works.
90
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,300
It's...being fixed.
91
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,666
I got a guarantee
on that watch.
92
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,666
Give it to me.
I'll take it back.
93
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:50,466
It's at the jeweler.
You send me the bill.
94
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,466
I'm not sending you
the bill.
95
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:53,633
That watch was a gift.
96
00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:55,000
You shouldn't have to
pay for it.
97
00:02:55,033 --> 00:02:57,333
That's 18.50.
98
00:02:57,366 --> 00:02:58,366
Here, I got it.
99
00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,500
What are you
talking about?
100
00:02:59,533 --> 00:03:01,333
It's my car.
Let me pay for the gas.
101
00:03:01,366 --> 00:03:02,566
No, no, put it away.
Dad.
102
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,633
Stop it!
I have money. I make money.
103
00:03:04,666 --> 00:03:05,619
Yeah, yeah,
you make money.
104
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,400
Yeah, yeah,
you make money.
105
00:03:06,433 --> 00:03:07,566
You don't think
I make money.
106
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,800
That's what you think,
isn't it?
107
00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:09,900
No, I don't
think that.
108
00:03:09,933 --> 00:03:11,500
Yes, you do, that's
what you both think.
109
00:03:11,533 --> 00:03:13,466
I'm paying.
Dad, I'm paying.
110
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,466
Get out of here.
111
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:15,466
You're not paying.
112
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,466
Now, Jerry, please,
113
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,000
do not do this
to your father.
114
00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:19,666
Over my dead body,
Jerry,
115
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,800
I'm telling you
right now.
116
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,000
You're not gonna
do it.
117
00:03:26,833 --> 00:03:29,466
Boy, you got a lot
of stuff here.
118
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:30,733
Dad,
what are you doing?
119
00:03:30,766 --> 00:03:31,900
Nothing. Nothing.
120
00:03:31,933 --> 00:03:33,800
Leave it.
What about your back?
121
00:03:33,833 --> 00:03:35,566
Morty,
what are you doing?
122
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:35,619
All right. All right.
123
00:03:35,619 --> 00:03:36,566
All right. All right.
124
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,966
You come
all the way up here
125
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,033
to see a back specialist,
126
00:03:39,066 --> 00:03:40,700
and you're lifting
heavy suitcases.
127
00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:43,733
Hey, Morty.
128
00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:46,500
Hey, Mr. Kramer!
129
00:03:46,533 --> 00:03:47,866
Good to see you.
130
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,233
Ah, Mrs. Seinfeld.
131
00:03:49,266 --> 00:03:50,233
Hi.
132
00:03:50,266 --> 00:03:52,133
Oh, what happened to you?
133
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,700
Oh, well, some guy kicked me
in the side of the head.
134
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:55,733
What guy?
135
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:57,700
Crazy Joe Davola.
136
00:03:57,733 --> 00:03:58,733
Why?
137
00:03:58,766 --> 00:04:00,133
Well, I was having this party,
138
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:01,133
and I didn't invite him,
139
00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:05,166
and then Jerry tipped him off.
140
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:05,619
Why'd you tell
this crazy guy
141
00:04:05,619 --> 00:04:08,233
Why'd you tell
this crazy guy
142
00:04:08,266 --> 00:04:09,900
that Kramer didn't
invite him to his party?
143
00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:12,233
I didn't know
he wasn't invited.
144
00:04:12,266 --> 00:04:15,733
Hey, these are
very comfortable pants.
145
00:04:15,766 --> 00:04:17,866
You know what I paid
for these, Jerry?
146
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:19,166
So why did you
say anything?
147
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,533
It was a mistake.
148
00:04:20,566 --> 00:04:21,833
They're good
around the house,
149
00:04:21,866 --> 00:04:23,666
and they're good
for outside.
150
00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,400
Are you okay?
151
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,233
Oh, yeah, yeah.
152
00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:28,666
I was a little off last week,
153
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,033
huh, Jerry?
154
00:04:30,066 --> 00:04:31,866
Yeah, but doctor says
it's just a slight concussion.
155
00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:34,700
So what's the matter
with this Davola guy?
156
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,619
He's got, like,
a chemical imbalance.
157
00:04:35,619 --> 00:04:36,533
He's got, like,
a chemical imbalance.
158
00:04:36,566 --> 00:04:38,366
He needs to be
on medication.
159
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,366
Oh, yeah, yeah.
160
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,366
He's after Jerry now.
161
00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:43,133
Kramer...
162
00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:44,500
He's what?
163
00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:45,666
He's joking.
164
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:46,666
He's after you?
165
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:47,666
No!
166
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:48,666
Why is he after you?
167
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,000
He's not after me.
168
00:04:50,033 --> 00:04:51,000
Morty,
do you hear this?
169
00:04:51,033 --> 00:04:52,533
Some crazy guy
is after Jerry.
170
00:04:52,566 --> 00:04:53,966
I'll make a few
phone calls.
171
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,366
Who are you
gonna call?
172
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,800
What are you
worried about?
173
00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:59,000
I want to know what you did
that he's after you.
174
00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:00,200
I didn't do anything.
175
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,700
Well, you must've
done something.
176
00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:03,400
No, he just doesn't like me.
177
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,233
Doesn't like you?
178
00:05:05,266 --> 00:05:05,619
How could anyone not like you?
179
00:05:05,619 --> 00:05:07,533
How could anyone not like you?
180
00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:09,300
I know. It seems impossible.
181
00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:11,033
Doesn't...doesn't like you.
182
00:05:11,066 --> 00:05:12,366
How could that be?
183
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,566
Ma, I know this may be hard
for you to understand,
184
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:15,733
but I'm sure
185
00:05:15,766 --> 00:05:17,533
there are many people
who do not like me.
186
00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:18,533
[GASPS]
187
00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:21,566
Jerry, don't say that.
188
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:22,566
It's true.
189
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,566
No, it isn't.
190
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,900
It's not true.
191
00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:27,166
You're a wonderful,
wonderful boy.
192
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,233
Everybody likes you.
193
00:05:28,266 --> 00:05:29,666
It's impossible
not to like you.
194
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:31,533
Impossible. Morty?
195
00:05:31,566 --> 00:05:33,566
Maybe some people don't
like him. I can see that.
196
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,619
Kramer?
197
00:05:35,619 --> 00:05:36,000
Kramer?
198
00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:38,533
Yeah, I like him...
199
00:05:38,566 --> 00:05:40,166
Hey, Jerry,
what time you got?
200
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,700
Uh...I haven't got my watch on.
201
00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:44,700
It's being fixed.
202
00:05:44,733 --> 00:05:47,066
When are you
getting it back?
203
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:49,333
Uh...next week.
204
00:05:49,366 --> 00:05:51,033
Next week?
205
00:05:51,066 --> 00:05:54,633
How come
it's taking so long?
206
00:05:54,666 --> 00:05:55,733
Huh?
207
00:05:55,766 --> 00:05:57,333
I said, how come
it's taking so long?
208
00:05:57,366 --> 00:05:59,800
I don't know.
209
00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:02,166
They're backed up.
210
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,400
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
211
00:06:03,433 --> 00:06:04,500
Where did you take it?
212
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:07,700
Where did I take it?
213
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:08,700
Yeah.
214
00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:13,966
Where did I take it?
215
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:18,733
Um...to that place
on Columbus and 85th.
216
00:06:18,766 --> 00:06:19,733
Okay?
217
00:06:19,766 --> 00:06:21,833
What, Jimmy Sherman?
218
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:24,633
Yeah.
Yeah.
219
00:06:24,666 --> 00:06:27,233
I know the guy. I take my stuff
in there all the time.
220
00:06:27,266 --> 00:06:29,633
Bet I can get your watch back
by tomorrow morning.
221
00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:30,666
No, Kramer,
222
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,500
I don't want you
to say anything to him.
223
00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:33,466
No, I'd be happy to.
224
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:34,633
He's a friend of mine.
225
00:06:34,666 --> 00:06:35,619
I'd like to follow
the regular procedures.
226
00:06:35,619 --> 00:06:37,033
I'd like to follow
the regular procedures.
227
00:06:37,066 --> 00:06:39,033
I don't want
any special treatment.
228
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,900
Hey, I'm gonna get
that watch back for you
229
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,133
by tomorrow, buddy,
you'll see.
230
00:06:42,166 --> 00:06:43,566
Bring me the receipt.
231
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,200
I'll get that too.
232
00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:51,933
Be right back.
233
00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:56,133
[WHISPERING]: Look,
there's no watch.
234
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,166
I threw it
235
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,700
in the garbage can
on the street.
236
00:06:58,733 --> 00:07:00,033
It didn't keep good time.
237
00:07:00,066 --> 00:07:02,300
My parents gave it to me,
but I didn't like it,
238
00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:03,966
so don't mention it again, okay?
239
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,966
Yeah, all right.
All right.
240
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:05,619
Wait, wait, wait.
241
00:07:05,619 --> 00:07:06,400
Wait, wait, wait.
242
00:07:06,433 --> 00:07:07,866
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
243
00:07:10,933 --> 00:07:14,066
What was that about?
244
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,566
Oh, no.
245
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,666
He's got my calamine lotion...
246
00:07:20,866 --> 00:07:23,066
And I told him not to return it.
247
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,700
If he needs it,
he should keep it.
248
00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:27,366
He's got a thing on his...ankle.
249
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,866
How could anyone not like him?
250
00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:43,700
Hi. Morty Seinfeld.
251
00:07:43,733 --> 00:07:45,466
I have a 2:00 appointment.
252
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:47,700
Yes, Mr. Seinfeld. Would you
please fill this out.
253
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:50,033
All this?
254
00:07:50,066 --> 00:07:51,666
This whole thing?
255
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,400
It's gonna take me 45 minutes.
256
00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:55,533
I know.
It's very long.
257
00:07:57,866 --> 00:07:58,966
Look at this.
258
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,500
It's a book.
259
00:08:01,533 --> 00:08:02,866
"Employer's address."
260
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,666
Why do they need this?
261
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:05,619
You know, I never had
a back problem
262
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:06,233
You know, I never had
a back problem
263
00:08:06,266 --> 00:08:09,000
until that night I slept
on the convertible sofa.
264
00:08:09,033 --> 00:08:11,300
My back was fine.
265
00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:13,200
Oh, it's not the sofa.
266
00:08:13,233 --> 00:08:14,466
You stick up
for that sofa
267
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:15,833
like I'm criticizing
a person.
268
00:08:15,866 --> 00:08:18,000
We got it
from Sullivan's.
269
00:08:18,033 --> 00:08:19,333
It's a good store.
270
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,533
Well, one day,
271
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:22,000
somebody's gonna sleep
on that thing,
272
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:24,033
and we'll get sued.
273
00:08:24,066 --> 00:08:26,066
I hope this doctor
knows what he's doing.
274
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,733
Leo says
he's the best there is.
275
00:08:28,766 --> 00:08:30,300
Leo.
276
00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,000
I'm listening
to Leo now.
277
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:34,000
You're lucky he was able
to get you this appointment.
278
00:08:34,033 --> 00:08:35,619
You know what the waiting list
is for this guy?
279
00:08:35,619 --> 00:08:36,000
You know what the waiting list
is for this guy?
280
00:08:36,033 --> 00:08:37,500
Well, if he fixes
my back,
281
00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:38,966
I'll be happy.
282
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,233
"Have you ever had
283
00:08:40,266 --> 00:08:43,366
a sexually
transmitted disease?"
284
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,333
That's it.
285
00:08:46,366 --> 00:08:47,733
Here. You got my name.
286
00:08:47,766 --> 00:08:49,066
You got my address.
287
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,633
That's enough.
288
00:08:50,666 --> 00:08:52,500
Julie...
289
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,233
you wanna
take him back?
290
00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,533
JERRY:
You what?
291
00:08:59,566 --> 00:09:00,566
You passed?
292
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,400
How could you do that?
293
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,266
Jerry,
my young friend...
294
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:08,800
You're so naive.
295
00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:11,866
You are so, so naive.
296
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:13,866
You know about a few things.
297
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:15,133
You know about comedy,
298
00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:16,966
a little bit
about relationships,
299
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,300
some baseball,
300
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,333
but you are so far
out of your element here,
301
00:09:20,366 --> 00:09:21,700
you're embarrassing yourself.
302
00:09:21,733 --> 00:09:23,366
Now, listen to me.
303
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,733
I'm negotiating.
304
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:26,244
Negotiation.
305
00:09:26,244 --> 00:09:26,733
Negotiation.
306
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:29,066
This is what you do
in business.
307
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:31,400
Let me explain to you
what you just did.
308
00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:33,400
There are literally
hundreds of people
309
00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:34,566
trying to get
pilot deals
310
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:35,566
with them this year.
311
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,066
They go with maybe five, okay?
312
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,300
If we pass, that's it.
313
00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:42,733
They go to the next show.
314
00:09:42,766 --> 00:09:46,833
Ooh, I'm scared.
315
00:09:46,866 --> 00:09:50,233
Oh, they're not
gonna do the show.
316
00:09:50,266 --> 00:09:51,633
We're lucky
317
00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:53,200
they're even interested
in the idea
318
00:09:53,233 --> 00:09:54,200
in the first place.
319
00:09:54,233 --> 00:09:56,244
We got a show
about nothing...
320
00:09:56,244 --> 00:09:58,233
We got a show
about nothing...
321
00:09:58,266 --> 00:09:59,533
with no story.
322
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,166
What do you think,
they're up there going,
323
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,466
"Hey, maybe we should give
those two guys
324
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,000
"who have no experience
and no idea
325
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,366
more money"?
326
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,866
Oh, what are we gonna do?
327
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:12,466
I'm shaking.
328
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,366
I'm shaking.
329
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,666
Well, I think you're wrong.
330
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,033
Well, we'll just see.
Yes, we will.
331
00:10:17,066 --> 00:10:18,066
Yes, we will.
332
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,700
I just said that.
I know you did.
333
00:10:19,733 --> 00:10:21,300
So good for you.
So good for you.
334
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:22,700
What, are you repeating
everything I'm saying?
335
00:10:22,733 --> 00:10:24,066
What, are you repeating
everything I'm saying?
336
00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:26,244
Well, George is an idiot.
Well, Geor--
337
00:10:26,244 --> 00:10:26,333
Well, George is an idiot.
Well, Geor--
338
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:34,066
All right.
339
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,533
All right, let's go already!
340
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:41,133
They keep you in here a year.
341
00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,200
They don't give a damn.
342
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:45,000
I could die in here.
343
00:10:47,366 --> 00:10:48,400
Excuse me.
344
00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:49,566
Excuse me.
345
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,833
What's going on?
346
00:10:50,866 --> 00:10:51,833
I'm here 20 minutes.
347
00:10:51,866 --> 00:10:53,166
Can somebody please help me?
348
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,533
Shh!
349
00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:56,166
Quiet. Everyone can hear you.
350
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:56,244
Twenty minutes,
I've been waiting 20 minutes.
351
00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:57,833
Twenty minutes,
I've been waiting 20 minutes.
352
00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,666
Well, the doctor must be busy.
353
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,333
Well, then, what do they
make appointments for
354
00:11:01,366 --> 00:11:03,400
if they can't keep them?
355
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:05,166
Look, if I did that
in my business,
356
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,066
I wouldn't have made a nickel.
357
00:11:09,833 --> 00:11:11,366
Hello,
Mr. Seinfeld.
358
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,700
I thought you forgot about me.
359
00:11:12,733 --> 00:11:14,533
We didn't forget.
360
00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:15,733
[VELCRO RIPS, MORTY SCREAMS]
361
00:11:15,766 --> 00:11:16,733
What?
362
00:11:16,766 --> 00:11:18,000
The Velcro.
363
00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:20,333
I can't stand Velcro,
that tearing sound.
364
00:11:20,366 --> 00:11:22,366
I used to be
in raincoats.
365
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,533
I refused to put that
in any of my lines.
366
00:11:24,566 --> 00:11:25,866
Okay, Mr. Seinfeld,
367
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:26,244
please come this way.
368
00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:26,866
please come this way.
369
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:27,833
We need some X-rays.
370
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,133
Leave all my stuff here?
371
00:11:31,166 --> 00:11:32,566
Leave it.
372
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:37,133
Oh, hey,
373
00:11:37,166 --> 00:11:38,500
by the way,
374
00:11:38,533 --> 00:11:42,000
you want a box of Cuban cigars?
375
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:43,133
I smoked one
last night.
376
00:11:43,166 --> 00:11:44,966
I got nauseous.
377
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,533
No, I don't want them.
378
00:11:48,566 --> 00:11:49,966
I'll take it.
379
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:50,966
No, I'll take it.
380
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,733
What is it?
381
00:11:52,766 --> 00:11:53,733
Here you go.
382
00:11:53,766 --> 00:11:54,733
What, cigars?
383
00:11:54,766 --> 00:11:56,244
Yeah. Cubans.
Oh, yeah?
384
00:11:56,244 --> 00:11:56,400
Yeah. Cubans.
Oh, yeah?
385
00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:57,966
Yeah, the kind
that Castro smoked.
386
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,133
You can't buy them
anywhere.
387
00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:00,733
Castro, huh?
388
00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:02,600
[IMITATES SPANISH]
389
00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:10,033
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
390
00:12:10,066 --> 00:12:11,033
Yeah?
391
00:12:11,066 --> 00:12:12,033
WOMAN:
Federal Express.
392
00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:13,466
Federal Express?
393
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,233
Come on up.
394
00:12:15,266 --> 00:12:17,233
Federal Express?
I'm not expecting a package.
395
00:12:17,266 --> 00:12:18,500
[SIGHS]
396
00:12:18,533 --> 00:12:19,800
You know what you just did?
397
00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:21,500
You let a burglar
in the building.
398
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,200
You think so?
399
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:25,000
Federal Express? Of course.
400
00:12:25,033 --> 00:12:26,244
That's the oldest trick
in the book.
401
00:12:26,244 --> 00:12:26,400
That's the oldest trick
in the book.
402
00:12:26,433 --> 00:12:28,000
You know,
it might not be a burglar.
403
00:12:28,033 --> 00:12:29,500
It could be a murderer.
404
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:32,733
So you wanna just abolish
all home package delivery?
405
00:12:32,766 --> 00:12:34,400
Yes.
406
00:12:34,433 --> 00:12:35,400
It's dangerous.
407
00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:36,566
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
408
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,033
Wait.
409
00:12:43,166 --> 00:12:44,700
Who is it?
410
00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:45,800
WOMAN:
Federal Express.
411
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:47,766
Okay...
412
00:12:49,233 --> 00:12:51,000
[ALL SCREAM]
413
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:58,966
I want one of those.
414
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,566
Kramer!
415
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,300
Oh, God!
416
00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:03,900
I thought you were
in California.
417
00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:05,200
Well, I came back
for you.
418
00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:07,300
Oh, shut up.
419
00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:08,366
I missed you.
420
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,566
Really,
you missed me?
421
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:10,733
Yeah, seriously.
422
00:13:10,766 --> 00:13:11,733
Yeah, yeah.
Me too, miss.
423
00:13:11,766 --> 00:13:13,066
I missed.
424
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,133
Yeah, big missing
going on around here.
425
00:13:15,166 --> 00:13:16,900
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna get a match.
426
00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:17,900
Oh, God.
427
00:13:17,933 --> 00:13:18,900
Whose suitcase is this?
428
00:13:18,933 --> 00:13:20,133
Oh, it's my parents'.
429
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,900
My father came up
to see a back specialist.
430
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:23,200
Oh, God,
431
00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:26,244
it's probably from sleeping
on that sofa.
432
00:13:26,244 --> 00:13:26,833
it's probably from sleeping
on that sofa.
433
00:13:26,866 --> 00:13:28,666
Boy, you look
really great.
Yeah.
434
00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:29,800
You lie.
435
00:13:29,833 --> 00:13:31,333
No, no, you really look great.
436
00:13:31,366 --> 00:13:32,333
[LAUGHS]
437
00:13:32,366 --> 00:13:33,500
So tell us
about the trip.
438
00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:34,500
How's Dr. Reston?
439
00:13:34,533 --> 00:13:36,333
Oh, he's fine.
440
00:13:36,366 --> 00:13:37,500
Things are good?
441
00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:39,500
Yeah. You know.
442
00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:41,000
Uh-oh.
443
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:42,833
What, uh-oh?
444
00:13:42,866 --> 00:13:43,833
Did you see that?
445
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:44,933
Yeah, I saw it.
446
00:13:46,866 --> 00:13:48,333
What?
447
00:13:48,366 --> 00:13:50,000
It's a tell. You got a tell.
448
00:13:50,033 --> 00:13:51,000
What tell?
449
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:52,366
What's a tell?
450
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,000
When you ask someone
about their relationship,
451
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:55,400
and they touch their face,
452
00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:56,244
you know
it's not going too well.
453
00:13:56,244 --> 00:13:56,833
you know
it's not going too well.
454
00:13:56,866 --> 00:13:58,833
Go ahead. Ask me how it's going
with somebody.
455
00:13:58,866 --> 00:14:02,566
Um...how's it going with Alice?
456
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,166
Good. Going good...
457
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,033
And the higher up
on the face you go,
458
00:14:08,066 --> 00:14:09,500
the worse the relationship
is getting.
459
00:14:09,533 --> 00:14:11,166
You know, it's, like,
460
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,700
pretty good...not bad...
461
00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:14,733
I gotta get out.
462
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,233
How high did I go?
463
00:14:19,266 --> 00:14:20,833
You almost hit the nose.
464
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:26,244
What, are you eating
my peanut butter out of the jar
465
00:14:26,244 --> 00:14:26,866
What, are you eating
my peanut butter out of the jar
466
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,200
with your disgusting
index fingers?
467
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,333
This is a sickening display.
468
00:14:32,366 --> 00:14:33,900
What? I'm not eating bread now.
469
00:14:33,933 --> 00:14:34,966
I'm off bread.
470
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,366
You're off bread.
471
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,366
So, what happened?
472
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,366
Is it over?
473
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,366
No, not quite.
474
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,533
Why not?
475
00:14:41,566 --> 00:14:43,966
Well, he was my psychiatrist,
you know?
476
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,133
I mean, he knows
all my patterns.
477
00:14:46,166 --> 00:14:47,566
He knows that in relationships
478
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,566
that I always try to find
some reason to leave,
479
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,366
and so he says, as my doctor,
he can't allow me do this,
480
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,000
so he's not letting me leave.
481
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:56,244
What do you mean,
not letting you?
482
00:14:56,244 --> 00:14:57,633
What do you mean,
not letting you?
483
00:14:57,666 --> 00:14:59,833
He has this power over me, okay?
484
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,733
I mean, he has this way
of manipulating
485
00:15:01,766 --> 00:15:03,733
every little word that I say.
486
00:15:03,766 --> 00:15:07,400
He's like a "Svenjolly."
487
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:09,233
"Svengali."
488
00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:10,900
What did I say?
489
00:15:10,933 --> 00:15:12,566
"Svenjolly."
490
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,566
"Svenjolly?"
491
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,200
I did not say "Svenjolly."
492
00:15:16,233 --> 00:15:18,200
George?
"Svenjolly."
493
00:15:20,033 --> 00:15:22,500
I don't see how
I could've said "Svenjolly."
494
00:15:22,533 --> 00:15:25,366
Well, maybe he's got, like,
a cheerful mental hold on you.
495
00:15:28,166 --> 00:15:30,333
You know, I can't find
a match anywhere.
496
00:15:30,366 --> 00:15:31,700
You know what you should do?
497
00:15:31,733 --> 00:15:33,500
You should tell this guy
you're seeing somebody else--
498
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,066
easiest way to get out
of these things.
499
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,800
No, it's not gonna work
with this guy.
500
00:15:36,833 --> 00:15:38,000
GEORGE: No,
you just tell him...
501
00:15:38,033 --> 00:15:39,866
an old boyfriend's
come back into your life.
502
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,500
I don't think so.
503
00:15:41,533 --> 00:15:42,500
Nice try.
504
00:15:42,533 --> 00:15:44,366
Took a shot.
505
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,366
It's a good cigar.
506
00:15:53,233 --> 00:15:54,533
[SCREAMS]
507
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:01,533
So when do I get to see
the doctor?
508
00:16:01,566 --> 00:16:02,966
He'll be in
with the X-rays
509
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,533
in a few minutes.
510
00:16:04,566 --> 00:16:06,533
You can get dressed.
511
00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:16,666
He stole my wallet.
512
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,666
The bum stole my wallet.
513
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:21,166
My wallet's gone!
514
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,700
My wallet's gone!
515
00:16:23,933 --> 00:16:25,500
I had my wallet
in my back pocket.
516
00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:26,244
It's gone.
517
00:16:26,244 --> 00:16:26,500
It's gone.
518
00:16:26,533 --> 00:16:28,500
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
519
00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:30,900
I went in to get my X-rays.
Somebody takes my wallet.
520
00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:32,033
Is that the operation here?
521
00:16:32,066 --> 00:16:34,033
Mr. Seinfeld,
I'm Dr. Dembrow.
522
00:16:34,066 --> 00:16:35,466
I've been going over
your X-rays.
523
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:36,900
I'm not interested
in the X-rays.
524
00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:38,533
I want my money back.
525
00:16:38,566 --> 00:16:39,866
Somebody stole
my wallet.
526
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,400
I had $225 in there.
527
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:43,200
I don't see how something
like that could've happened.
528
00:16:43,233 --> 00:16:44,666
Oh, you don't see.
529
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,000
You don't see.
530
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:47,666
Well, it happened,
believe me.
531
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,000
What's going on?
532
00:16:49,033 --> 00:16:50,166
They stole my wallet.
533
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,500
What?
Yeah, while I was
in getting X-rayed.
534
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:53,633
All right,
Mr. Seinfeld,
535
00:16:53,666 --> 00:16:54,966
I am sorry
about your wallet,
536
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,244
but would you like me
to look over these X-rays?
537
00:16:56,244 --> 00:16:57,166
but would you like me
to look over these X-rays?
538
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,966
What kind of clip joint
you running here?
539
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,500
All right. Fine.
540
00:17:02,666 --> 00:17:03,833
The least
you could have done
541
00:17:03,866 --> 00:17:05,133
was heard
your diagnosis.
542
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:06,700
I'm not interested
in his diagnosis.
543
00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:08,033
He's a bum.
544
00:17:08,066 --> 00:17:10,166
You came all the way
from Florida to see him.
545
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,366
I wanna know what kind
of an office is this
546
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,700
where you can't leave
your pants in the room.
547
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:16,266
You tell me.
548
00:17:18,866 --> 00:17:20,200
I'm sorry,
549
00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:22,633
but there's somebody else.
550
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,066
Mm-hmm.
551
00:17:26,666 --> 00:17:29,533
Well, it's nothing
I planned on happening,
552
00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:30,533
you know?
553
00:17:30,566 --> 00:17:32,033
It just kind of happened.
554
00:17:32,066 --> 00:17:34,000
Tell me about him.
555
00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:35,333
Well...
556
00:17:35,366 --> 00:17:37,033
There's not really much to tell,
you know?
557
00:17:37,066 --> 00:17:39,166
He's just a guy, really.
558
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,466
Yes, well,
I assume he's a guy...
559
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:42,900
Right.
560
00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:44,333
And you've known him
how long?
561
00:17:44,366 --> 00:17:47,666
Years...
562
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,200
Many years.
563
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:50,566
We've been close friends,
564
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,400
and then recently,
something just, you know--
565
00:17:53,433 --> 00:17:55,966
Ahh-- happened.
566
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:56,244
You mean sexually?
567
00:17:56,244 --> 00:17:57,666
You mean sexually?
568
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,666
Yeah. Yeah.
569
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,600
Sexually.
570
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,900
[TELEPHONE BUZZES]
571
00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:11,466
I think your, um...
572
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:13,333
Excuse me.
573
00:18:13,366 --> 00:18:14,333
Yes?
574
00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:18,066
Oh, yes, Bobo.
575
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,400
No, it's just east of Madison.
576
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,133
Around four would be fine.
577
00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:23,166
All right, Bobo.
578
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,100
See you then.
579
00:18:26,766 --> 00:18:27,900
I'm sorry.
580
00:18:27,933 --> 00:18:29,233
Where were we?
581
00:18:29,266 --> 00:18:33,833
Well, I was just telling you
about this other guy.
582
00:18:33,866 --> 00:18:34,833
Elaine.
583
00:18:34,866 --> 00:18:35,833
Yeah?
584
00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:37,300
Do you remember your dream
585
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,200
where you had a sexual encounter
with a Chinese woman?
586
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:44,666
Yeah.
587
00:18:46,279 --> 00:18:47,312
[COUGHS]
588
00:18:47,345 --> 00:18:48,312
Mm-hmm.
589
00:18:48,345 --> 00:18:50,412
Elaine, I'm concerned about you.
590
00:18:50,445 --> 00:18:51,779
Oh, no, no, no, no.
591
00:18:51,812 --> 00:18:54,412
Don't concern yourself with me,
because I'm good.
592
00:18:54,445 --> 00:18:55,412
I'm very good.
593
00:18:55,445 --> 00:18:56,244
I mean,
I'm really very, very good.
594
00:18:56,244 --> 00:18:58,412
I mean,
I'm really very, very good.
595
00:18:58,445 --> 00:19:00,812
Elaine...
596
00:19:00,845 --> 00:19:02,779
Have you been urinating
a lot again?
597
00:19:08,445 --> 00:19:09,745
No.
598
00:19:09,779 --> 00:19:13,412
And how often
have you been seeing, um...
599
00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:14,412
I'm sorry.
600
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:15,745
What is his name?
601
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:16,745
His name?
602
00:19:16,779 --> 00:19:17,912
Yes. His name.
603
00:19:17,945 --> 00:19:19,979
Well, what's the difference?
604
00:19:20,012 --> 00:19:21,812
Are you afraid
to tell me his name?
605
00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:24,979
No, no, I just don't really see
how that's relevant.
606
00:19:25,012 --> 00:19:26,244
It doesn't matter
if you don't see how.
607
00:19:26,244 --> 00:19:26,579
It doesn't matter
if you don't see how.
608
00:19:26,612 --> 00:19:27,579
I see how.
609
00:19:28,779 --> 00:19:31,079
Uh, his name.
610
00:19:31,112 --> 00:19:32,412
I don't even know.
611
00:19:32,445 --> 00:19:33,812
All right,
you wanna know his name?
612
00:19:33,845 --> 00:19:34,812
I'll tell you his name.
613
00:19:34,845 --> 00:19:38,012
His name is...Kramer.
614
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,579
Kramer.
615
00:19:41,612 --> 00:19:43,645
Is that his first name
or his last name?
616
00:19:43,679 --> 00:19:45,045
You know,
617
00:19:45,079 --> 00:19:47,545
I'm really uncomfortable
talking about this.
618
00:19:47,579 --> 00:19:49,312
Elaine, I want you
to do me a favor.
619
00:19:49,345 --> 00:19:50,312
What?
620
00:19:50,345 --> 00:19:52,145
I want you to tell
this young man
621
00:19:52,179 --> 00:19:53,379
to give me a call.
622
00:19:53,412 --> 00:19:54,945
It's very important
that I speak to him.
623
00:19:54,979 --> 00:19:56,244
Oh, no, no, no,
I can't do that.
624
00:19:56,244 --> 00:19:56,745
Oh, no, no, no,
I can't do that.
625
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,545
You can do it,
and you will do it.
626
00:19:58,579 --> 00:19:59,545
No, I can't.
627
00:19:59,579 --> 00:20:01,845
You can, and you will.
628
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,379
Okay, okay,
629
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,412
I'll have Kramer
give you a call.
630
00:20:09,979 --> 00:20:11,745
So you didn't even let
the doctor treat you?
631
00:20:11,779 --> 00:20:13,645
I wouldn't give him
the satisfaction.
632
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:16,045
Why did you leave
your wallet in your pants?
633
00:20:16,079 --> 00:20:17,245
What are you
talking about?
634
00:20:17,279 --> 00:20:19,245
What, was I supposed to
hide it somewhere?
635
00:20:19,279 --> 00:20:20,479
You could've
taken it with you.
636
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:22,645
Oh, yeah. I'll be lying
on an X-ray table
637
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,979
with my wallet
in my mouth.
638
00:20:25,012 --> 00:20:26,244
Hello.
639
00:20:26,244 --> 00:20:26,812
Hello.
640
00:20:26,845 --> 00:20:27,812
Hello.
641
00:20:27,845 --> 00:20:28,945
Hi, Uncle Leo.
642
00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:32,779
I just spoke
to Dr. Dembrow's son.
643
00:20:32,812 --> 00:20:34,945
He said they almost had to call
the police.
644
00:20:34,979 --> 00:20:36,279
What are you
talking about?
645
00:20:36,312 --> 00:20:37,879
I'm the one who should've
called the police.
646
00:20:37,912 --> 00:20:39,112
They stole my wallet.
647
00:20:39,145 --> 00:20:40,879
You know
how hard it was for me
648
00:20:40,912 --> 00:20:42,212
to get
that appointment for you?
649
00:20:42,245 --> 00:20:44,479
You can't just walk in
on this guy.
650
00:20:44,512 --> 00:20:46,045
He did me
a personal favor...
651
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:47,279
All right, Leo.
652
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,279
And you walked out
without paying.
653
00:20:49,312 --> 00:20:50,479
How was I
supposed to pay?
654
00:20:50,512 --> 00:20:52,112
I didn't have
my wallet.
655
00:20:52,145 --> 00:20:54,745
Well, I hope
you send him a check.
656
00:20:54,779 --> 00:20:56,145
What for?
657
00:20:56,179 --> 00:20:56,244
What for?
658
00:20:56,244 --> 00:20:57,212
What for?
659
00:20:57,245 --> 00:20:59,579
This man was nice enough
to see you.
660
00:20:59,612 --> 00:21:01,745
He did me
a personal favor.
661
00:21:01,779 --> 00:21:04,445
That's the second time
you said personal favor.
662
00:21:04,479 --> 00:21:05,745
Why do you keep
saying that?
663
00:21:05,779 --> 00:21:06,945
I said it once.
664
00:21:06,979 --> 00:21:08,279
Twice...
665
00:21:08,312 --> 00:21:10,279
and Dembrow doesn't
even know you.
666
00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:12,112
His son happens to live
on your floor.
667
00:21:14,445 --> 00:21:18,079
Leo, where did you
get that watch?
668
00:21:18,112 --> 00:21:21,145
You know
where I got this?
669
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:25,412
I found it in the garbage can.
670
00:21:25,445 --> 00:21:26,244
It kept terrible time.
671
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:27,279
It kept terrible time.
672
00:21:27,312 --> 00:21:28,712
I brought it over
to Jimmy Sherman
673
00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:31,412
right here
on 85th and Columbus.
674
00:21:31,445 --> 00:21:33,279
Gave it to me back
the next day.
675
00:21:33,312 --> 00:21:34,879
Works great.
676
00:21:34,912 --> 00:21:36,279
What kind of an idiot
677
00:21:36,312 --> 00:21:39,379
throws away
a perfectly good watch?
678
00:21:39,412 --> 00:21:41,912
Doesn't that watch look
like the one that we gave Jerry?
679
00:21:41,945 --> 00:21:42,912
Hey,
where's the waiter?
680
00:21:42,945 --> 00:21:44,045
Dad, what do you say,
681
00:21:44,079 --> 00:21:45,245
we have some
red meat tonight?
682
00:21:45,279 --> 00:21:46,445
Let's live a little.
683
00:21:46,479 --> 00:21:48,912
Let's see that.
684
00:21:48,945 --> 00:21:51,512
Could we continue this
another time?
685
00:21:57,279 --> 00:21:59,412
Don't you hate
"to be continueds" on TV?
686
00:21:59,445 --> 00:22:02,579
It's horrible when you sense
the "to be continued" coming,
687
00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:03,579
you know?
688
00:22:03,612 --> 00:22:04,579
You're watching the show.
689
00:22:04,612 --> 00:22:05,779
You're into the story.
690
00:22:05,812 --> 00:22:07,079
Then there's, like,
five minutes left,
691
00:22:07,112 --> 00:22:08,079
and suddenly you realize,
692
00:22:08,112 --> 00:22:10,945
"Hey, they can't make it.
693
00:22:10,979 --> 00:22:13,379
"Timmy's still stuck
in the cave.
694
00:22:13,412 --> 00:22:16,245
There's no way they wrap this up
in five minutes."
695
00:22:16,279 --> 00:22:18,579
I mean, the whole reason
you watch a TV show
696
00:22:18,612 --> 00:22:20,445
is because it ends.
697
00:22:20,479 --> 00:22:22,812
If I wanted a long, boring story
with no point to it,
698
00:22:22,845 --> 00:22:25,645
I have my life.
699
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:26,244
A comedian can't do that.
700
00:22:26,244 --> 00:22:26,645
A comedian can't do that.
701
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:27,979
See, I can't go,
702
00:22:28,012 --> 00:22:30,379
"A man walks into a bar
with a pig under his arm.
703
00:22:30,412 --> 00:22:32,312
Can you come back next week?"
46195
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese