Original subtitles

[in English] Chop, chop!

Yes, coming.

[clears throat]

-European Association of Banks. -Yes, and?

I have a lobbyist badge but my trainee doesn't.

She should be listed as a visitor for the day

under MEP Frantz Kurz.

Frantz Kurz.

-Oh, yes. Rose Pilkington? -Yes.

-I'll need an ID, please. -Ah, yes. Here you go.

Am I registered on your thing?

-Yes, why? -No, nothing.

Fuck.

-Everything Okay? -Yes.

I just used to work here,

so I thought maybe conflict of interests.

We all used to work here. No worries.

But you've quit your assistant job, right?

Yes. Yes, I handed my resignation.

Yeah, it's more of a privacy thing for me.

I know.

Transparency is getting out of hand.

Soon they'll be testing us for STDs. Hopefully not.

But for now, we're all under the Lobbyist Register,

as will you be if you pass this trial and join the European

Association of Banks: "Your credit, our mission."

Banks!

Okay, here is your accreditation.

Thank you.

MEP Kurz is waiting for you.

Appearances are everything.

We are the face,

the pretty face, if I might say so, of an industry.

Millions of jobs, plenty at stake. From the trader

in London worrying about his year-end bonus,

to the banker at your local branch

who's dying to say "yes" to that man

who really wants to start a business.

Or to the indebted family

who really wants to offer their last son a future

and pay for university fees, or a new kitesurf for Christmas,

we're not here to judge.

We are here for them.

MEPs have been hyperventilating

since the 2008 crisis.

They want to regulate banks to death.

Right now they're fixated

-on retail banking. -Yes, interesting.

They've been churning out amendments like mad.

And we want them to drop those, yes.

-God, no! -No.

[chuckling] Not at all.

For every problem, there are several possible solutions.

There are some we like and some we don't like.

Influence, persuade, convince,

lobbying has always been necessary in every society.

My boss says that lobbying is the world's oldest profession.

Loosen up a bit, girl.

We're not going to church.

Oh, darling. How are you?

Sorry, I just... Can I get my shoes, please?

I've got some shoes in there.

-Chop, chop, chop! -Yes.

I'll come back for my shoes.

[gasps]

[in French]

[in English] What are you doing here?

-Well, I was waiting for you. -Why behind the door?

To scare you.

[in French]

[in English] Are you here in behalf

of Ingeborg to make sure I've untabled the finning amendment?

Yeah, man, that's it! Oh, thank you!

I was waiting behind that door for so long, I forgot.

I zoned out. Zoned out. I'm sorry.

Did you untable it?

Not yet.

I don't know, man.

For a minute, I thought I could make a difference.

Where are you going?

Where's your MEP?

He went to Fiji or something.

I love when MEPs are on international trips.

It's like the film where Macauley Culkin is forgotten

by his parents and gets molested

by these two creepy home invaders.

[in French]

[in English] That's not what happens

-in the movie. -Dude, just drop that amendment.

Do like me, take some good time. Enjoy your youth.

When people say, "enjoying their youth", they mean

going to Thailand and taking MDMA.

Most people have lousy dreams they got from denim commercials.

That's probably the most intelligent thing you've said.

Bingo!

We have another MEP from the Greens in five minutes.

One floor up, 11.

Then two socialists in a row. I thought we could see all three

at the same time, do a group thing, but then

I thought it would be a bit intense for your first day.

Perhaps, yeah.

[clears throat]

So who's next?

-The next one is rough. -How so?

He likes playing hard.

[in French]

[knocking on door]

[in English] Hello, hello, Mr Jaager.

Come in, come in.

[in French]

[in English] Come in, please.

Thank you.

-Take a seat. -Yes.

Okay.

[clears throat]

Okay.

-This is for my webpage. -Oh, shit.

I publish all my meeting with lobbyists.

[camera clicks]

[in French]

[in English] As you know,

I never meet you guys alone.

-Let's go. -Yes.

Okay.

Shall we?

-[grunts] -[clatters]

What are you doing, Torsten?

It's just so not cool

that nobody got him a corkscrew as a gift.

It's so simple.

We're not gonna drink wine. It's not even 10.

It's sweet, the perfect breakfast wine.

There's no such thing as a breakfast wine.

And there's nothing to celebrate.

-I've not given up on finning. -I do not understand

why you put yourself in such a state over a little pawn.

[bangs]

What are you doing?

I saw it on YouTube.

What do you mean "a pawn"?

It's...

The finning is just a pawn to get a castle

on Ingeborg's chess game.

Can you explain it? What do you mean?

One, two, three, four, five.

-Really? -Yeah.

[sighs]

Don't put your feet on my amendment.

Don't put it beneath my feet.

Let me explain to you something. It's called "a bomb".

You put something explosive in a report you don't like

to defuse a bomb from someone else

in another report you do like.

You Spanish want to fuck with my pet project?

Well, I've got this finning amendment that I can blow up

and it's gonna fuck your constituents hard.

It's like a bargaining chip.

-A chip, a pawn, a bomb... -That's it.

I never knew how good I was at metaphors.

That's so creative.

I'm not gonna untable the amendment and doom

a whole species for your boss's little political agenda!

-Are you texting Ingeborg? -Yeah.

Wait, I might not untable it.

-I just have to think about it. -Wait.

Wait, she's writing back.

Okay, I'll do it.

I just have to make up my mind and that's fine.

She's inviting you for lunch at the MEPs' restaurant.

Well, that's... scary.

[in French]

[thudding]

[clears throat]

[laughs]

[clears throat]

[in English] The issue is more

with the article on safeguards, Article 43.

-44. -Yes, sorry, Article 44.

That's why we think your amendments on Article 76

-would be bad for business. -Yes.

But would it be bad for

people?

The damage that this kind of regulation

could do to the sector...

I think the banking sector has been causing more damage than...

That wasn't your initial position.

I like to try different

positions.

You have to pick one in the end.

And you know what's best for me, I suppose.

We could find a position that satisfies us both.

That would require some level of creativity.

All right.

I think we're done here.

I could come again with our association's detailed proposals

-That won't be necessary, Miss. -Okay.

You do the lobbying, I do the law-making.

Okay.

Thank you.

-Goodbye. -That was great. Bye.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, goodbye, sorry. I was distracted.

-Rose? -Yes, coming, sorry.

[sighs]

That was tough.

I like it like that.

God, I love it like that.

Okay, each to their own.

-Rose? -What? Yes.

I haven't untabled it yet. I will do it after lunch.

She convinced me. It's over.

And she did not even invite me for lunch, man!

Yeah, she doesn't eat.

Really? She never has lunch?

I have never seen her ingest anything solid. Ever.

-Like... Ever. -Yeah.

-Ever. -Yeah, I get it.

That's because she gets all the nutriments

from the children's blood she sucks every day

in her dungeon. [laughing]

-She's a vampire. -Yeah.

And probably it's just babies, you know?

With, like, little penises. [laughing]

Samy.

[in French]

[tense music]

Food fight!

[sighs]

[chuckling]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music continues]

[in English] What?

Well, you look... different.

You're not wearing trousers.

And yet you look more uncomfortable than me. [laughs]

I'm on a try-out for a new job.

They asked me to dress like this.

"What, you're an escort?" Very funny and clever.

I didn't say anything.

Plus, I'm the one who's not wearing trousers. [chuckles]

-So, you're an escort now? -Stop it.

I'm on a try-out to be a lobbyist, so...

This is painful.

I didn't know you smoked.

Well, you know, I'm trying it out. Fits the character, no?

I'm no expert but isn't it like highly illegal to be both

an MEP assistant and a trainee lobbyist?

Regarding conflict of interests?

I quit my job as an assistant first, of course.

-Really? -Yeah.

Yeah, I sent Sharon a resignation email.

She's in Fiji and I'm in charge of checking her emails, so...

So, you can actually get your job back by deleting an email?

-Yeah, something like that. -[chuckles]

[sighs]

Nice purse.

Thanks, it was a gift from a client.

So...

And what's up with you?

I was thinking, I might not drop the sharks in the end.

-Really? -Yeah.

Let me guess. You ran into a lobbyist?

Well...

[quirky music]

[sighs]

Rose?

Rose?

-Rose! -No!

Okay, I did! But not that kind of lobbyist!

-Yeah? -Yeah!

They said that there are no unimportant struggles,

how sharks don't deserve to die

simply because they don't vote, that kind of thing?

Okay, Guido is a lobbyist,

but he actually advocates for fishermen, so...

Guide Bonafide?

He works for a consulting firm.

So?

So he's a gun for hire.

Yesterday he was working for fishermen,

today for an environmental NGO. In fact,

I can check, because...

[laughs]

-What? -Yeah.

He actually is, since yesterday.

It's on the Parliament Lobbyist Register.

Since yesterday.

[in French]

[in English] Yep.

I hate this place. Wait, Rose. What should I do?

-Maybe put some pants on. -[fake laugh]

It's funny. Seriously, I'm lost. Can you help me?

No, I can't. I have to go and meet

a client at Crowne Plaza.

For a drink, so...

-For a normal... -I didn't say anything.

Okay, good, cos I didn't mean anything by that.

-Yeah, okay. Goodbye. -Goodbye.

Have a nice evening.

[upbeat music]

[door clanging]

[in French]

[in English] Anyone have the key

for the door?

[in French]

[knocking on door]

[in English] Make way for the People's Army!

Rose?

Rose?

There you are.

-Hi, Sharon. -Hello.

-How are you? -Good.

Yes? How was Fiji?

Did you know those people are ours? I didn't know that.

Well, they're members of the Commonwealth, but...

So... [sighs]

It's so nice to be home.

Did anything special happen while I wasn't here?

-No, nothing, business as usual. -Good.

Cos during one of those boring meetings in Fiji,

I was checking on my emails...

Yes, I actually have got a gift for you. [chuckles]

A little welcome-home gift, thought you'd like it.

That's nice!

-That's very nice. -Yeah?

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

-That's a lovely purse. -I've got work to do.

A very nice bag.

Thank you.

I like it.

[clears throat]

[exhales]

Eamon?

[tense music]

[in French]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[upbeat music]