Original subtitles

These stories are real.

Any resemblance to actual events or people

living or dead is not coincidental.

Pierre Roustang presents

THE WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL SWINDLERS

[ L'escroc” sung by Serge Gainsbourg ]

Today. Tokyo.

-1,000 yen? - Yes.

Hello? Yes. Oh, the currency exchange?

I've already sent it out. You're welcome.

MAN: Your balance is 49,700 yen.

Then, let's make it 50,000 yen!

Here.

May I help you? Would you like that one?

Every time she comes in, she tries it on.

She should just buy an imitation.

The real one doesn't look good on her anyway.

BAR KINU

Here.

Another cognac.

- Another cognac, please. - Sure.

Here.

- Welcome! This way, please. - BARTENDER: Welcome!

- A beer. A small one. - BARTENDER: Sure.

I always sit here.

A beer tastes the same

without paying extra for the table.

- Are you looking for Madam? - Yeah.

Here you go.

- She stepped out for a moment. - I see.

You are leaving already?

No. Another one.

- A foreign custom, I see. - Hmm?

I'm too old to act cool anymore.

Don't be so modest. I think it's very reasonable and smart.

- You think so? - Of course!

The men with no money tend to try to show off more.

I don't like those men.

But isn't it your job

to make them spend more money in here?

Well, that's true.

- Oh, Sensei! - MAN: Welcome back!

This is a surprise.

I haven't seen you in a while, so I figured you died.

- That's a little mean. - Can I have a water?

Hey, you look younger today.

Don't you think so, Yoshie?

We've never met before.

- Is that right? - Yes.

- This is Yoshie. - Nice to meet you.

This is Mr. Mitsuda, a songwriter.

You've heard of him, right?

Remember a song "I love Ginza"? He wrote it.

She wouldn't know. It was 30 years ago.

You weren't born yet then.

It was such a huge hit, and he made a fortune.

Butyoulook really young, Sensei.

- It must be the teeth. - The teeth?

I finally got them today.

Oh, I see. They look very nice.

They don't look like dentures at all.

It's got a platinum backing.

What?

- Hey! - Welcome!

Nice seeing you again!

- Today was such a nice day! - Welcome! Come this way!

- I want to drink with Madam! - You don't like me any more?

A platinum backing?

It's all covered with it! It must have cost a lot.

It cost me about one million yen.

One million?!

It's hard to believe, right?

The platinum itself cost about 400,000.

But I'm surprised.

You don't mind spending money on your own body.

Of course not! That's what the money is for!

I need to fix my back tooth, but forget it!

I'd rather replace the curtains in here. Have a great time.

Here you go. Something wrong?

- My smoke. - We've got some over here.

I want my cigar.

- A light. - Yes.

- I said a light. - Oh, I'm so sorry.

I almost forgot.

- Can I use the phone? - Sure.

Hello? ls this Misashino Maid Services? This is Mitsuda.

Have you heard from Yoshikawa?

Not yet? That's not good.

Yeah, but a replacement won't understand what I need.

Well, let me know when she returns.

My housekeeper went back home for five days now.

I don't know what to do.

What about your wife?

I had one. Until 15 years ago.

So you are single now?

It's nice not to worry about anything. Except for cleaning.

It's depressing to go back home where the dirt is piling up.

Hey, would you like me to clean your house?

YOU?

- L'm not sure about that. - Why?

Well, I know a guy who married a girl who worked in the bar.

But she didn't clean. She couldn't cook.

They had to eat out every night. He said it was too much for him.

Then, I need to prove it to you that you are wrong.

So, where is your apartment?

A memo pad.

Here.

What's wrong?

My stomach hurts.

Suddenly?

I'm so sorry, but is it okay if I went home early today?

- It's that bad? - Yes.

Lately it's irregular.

I guess it's okay, then.

- Can you go home by yourself? - Yes, I'll be fine.

Mr. Mitsuda is quite a womanizer despite his looks.

But he's a typical miser.

He carries his bankbooks

and all the cash he has in that bag wherever he goes.

It's just for show. He won't give you a dime.

He showed you inside the bag, didn't he?

No.

Well, fine, then. ljust wanted to warn you, just in case.

- Be careful going home. - Thank you.

Here. Thank you for your business.

- Hey. Excuse me. - Yes?

- Can I have one? - Sure.

Thank you so much. Here.

- Can I have one more? - Sure. Thank you so much.

- Here. - Thank you for your business!

Please come again!

YOSHIE: Sensei!

I didn't think you were coming.

- I followed you. - That doesn't sound good.

This way.

APARTMENT MANAGER

It costs a lot to hire someone these days.

So this whole place is yours?!

Something like that.

Come in.

Wow, it stinks like a men's room.

Oh, jeez! Look at this!

It's so messy.

Nice breeze!

Hilltop is so nice!

Do you have a shirt I can borrow?

Ashirt?

I can't clean in this! This is my important business attire.

Don't worry about cleaning. You can do it later. Come on.

Hey. Come on.

- Here! Can I borrow this? - Oh, come on.

I'm going to change, so wait outside. Hurry.

YOSHIE: No peeking, please!

YOSHIE: I'm ready now!

- Move over! I'm cleaning! - What are you doing?

Oh, no! I have to clean!

- Don't! I need it! - Oh, come on!

How much are you going to give me?

However much you want!

I love you so much!

I love the chikara udon. It gives me energy!

I love Beethoven.

It makes me excited just listening to it!

This is not Beethoven. It's Chopin.

Can you play your song?

Let me join you for the chikara udon before that.

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing.

That was really good.

What's wrong?

More stuff I need to clean.

I'll take care of it, so just come over here!

Sensei?!

What's wrong?! Come on!

Sensefl

Ambulance! Ambulance!

Hello? Can you send an ambulance over here?

An elderly man has collapsed.

Yes. The address here is...

Hello? It's 6-461 Higashi-Kitazawa Nishi,

Setagaya-ku. Yes.

His name is Kazuo Mitsuda.

Yes. It's inside the apartment units.

Yes. Thank you so much!

Sensei! Sensei!

Thank you for coming this late.

I was shocked when I read it in the evening newspaper.

He was doing so well!

Please see him for one last time.

Thank you for the wait.

Thank you for your business.

Good morning!

I'm so sorry for being late.

- Yoshie Ogawa? - Yes.

Would you come to the station with us?

Come on. Don't cause us any more trouble.

Where are the dentures?

Say it, you will feel better.

Hey! Say something!

Calm down.

You can keep your mouth shut.

But we won't give up so easily, either.

We will keep searching.

Confess. And your punishment will be--

I told you, I don't know anything!

Hey, that's very beautiful. A pearl necklace, huh?

How long have you had this?

I bought it today.

Really. You are acting so confident, all of a sudden.

With the money from selling the dentures, right?

I saved up money for it!

I can show it to you.

You withdrew 47,000 yen today.

And the receipt from the jewelry shop also shows 47,000 yen.

I've been saving up for the last two years.

You can go ask the teller.

You don't mind me smoking, do you?

The old man's dentures? It's disgusting!

I wouldn't touch them, even if they're worth millions.

H9)'-

We found them.

A typical woman.

We found it inside the rice storage box.

See? You caused such trouble.

I see.

About the necklace.

It only costs 47,000 yen.

She could have bought it anytime if she wanted to.

But because she's been saving it up for so long,

she couldn't do it.

Then, she saw these platinum dentures.

She felt okay about spending that money.

Isn't that right?

Well, it will be a lie if I said

I didn't understand how you felt.

Hello? Yes. Sure.

Hello?

Yes, that's me.

Yes. Huh?

What?!

Is that right?

All right. I understand.

What's going on?

What do you know?

These are just samples.

Samples?

We tracked down the dentist and found out.

Just give her a warning and send her home.

Let's go.

H9)'-

Damn it!

I was tricked by that old man!

Damn!

Now, now.

Come on.

Bastard!

At the request of director Roman Polanski...

...his segment has been removed from this presentation.

[ L'escroc” sung by Serge Gainsbourg ]

Your tickets.

Thank you.

Tickets.

Thank you.

Ticket.

Thank you.

Is the kid with you?

Yes.

Thank you.

Even the whores travel for free.

And they say that it's us employees

that are pushing the company into the red.

- Excuse me. - Yes?

Do trains go back to Naples from here?

- Yes, from this platform. - When?

At 6:06 p.m.

Thanks.

You're welcome, miss.

Maria Rosa, what are you doing here?

Have you seen Giuseppone?

He's down there, under the two gays.

Giuseppone, Giuseppone!

You! Don't come any closer! Off with you!

You're my witness, I don't want this one to come near me!

Giuseppone, let me speak. Listen!

You're dead to me.

Giuseppone, you have to listen to me.

You can't leave me like this after so many years,

without any explanation, please!

Let go of me! Don't touch me.

You're spoiled goods in my eyes.

You did wrong and you're paying the price.

Giuseppone, I swear on my mother's life,

I've never solicited, I've always abided by the law.

The police chief lied because he had a problem with me.

I swear, Giuseppone!

I could have beaten you to death,

but I won't lay a hand on you

because you're no longer my woman.

Maria R0, you have to understand.

The law is at the front of his mind.

He respects authority,

and you, my girl, have violated Article 136.

It's not true, it's not true, it's not true.

Rosetta.

Rosetta, finally!

Hi.

I went to the police station every morning

to find out when you were getting out.

It's been a labor of love.

What's up? ls it true that they're sending you home?

All I said to him was "hey" because I thought I knew him -

I thought he was a regular client like you.

I didn't know that "hey" meant I was soliciting him.

The new law doesn't explain what is and isn't soliciting.

Well, our laws are ambiguous and contradictory,

and often leave the door open to various interpretations.

Giuseppone doesn't want me anymore.

I don't want to go back home.

Everyone thinks I'm good for nothing.

They make my life hell.

What am I going to do?

We need to find a solution,

but you need to keep out of sight.

It's like you're a fugitive, you know?

Where's this house of yours?

We're here, but keep your voice down.

Hurry UP-

Are you sure this is your house?

Are you going to get naked?

What, do you sleep fully clothed?

I can't go on.

- What floor are you on? - The third.

Ah, the third...

Whoa, you scared me! Stop that!

Take my bag and go in front, go on.

Quietly, be quiet.

Is this your room?

Yeah, don't you like it?

I've built a kind of boudoir over there.

If you want to make yourself comfortable...

It doesn't matter, you go first.

- What does your father do? - He works for GAS.

- Do you have any sisters? - Yes, three.

- Are they beautiful? - They're gross.

- You go to university, right? - Yes.

- And what are you studying? - Law.

Are you good at it?

Yes, I'm in my second year.

That was quick!

You look funny like that. Here.

Don't look, okay?

It's freezing in this house!

How are you supposed to take your clothes off?

- Don't you have a heater? - No.

That cat's so annoying, you can hear it even in here!

Are you sleepy, too?

Have you fallen asleep already?

You're a bit like that...

A bit like what?

Hard to get.

No, why?

Well, you only go with me. I'm the only one you look for.

Well, I like you.

You do?

See you.

You're leaving me alone? Aren't you going to walk me?

No, I can't.

Take your M99399-

People can see us.

What will you do? Where will you go?

I'll go to a friend's. She'll put me up for a day or two.

Do you have money?

No, Giuseppone took it all...

I don't have any either. What a nuisance.

Listen, here's what we'll do.

Let's meet at the war memorial in Via Caracciolo at 1:00, okay?

- Okay, see you. - Bye.

Is all this stuff for me?

- Who gave it to you? - Don't you worry.

Oh, taralli...

What, don't you like them?

- Nico, have you caught anything? - No, nothing yet.

What do I do with this?

You make coffee with it.

And what are these?

Whoops, sorry, that was a mistake.

Look, this is tuna. It's nice, eat some. Take it!

You'll never open it like that.

Give it here and I'll open it for you.

I've been thinking about it.

There's only one way for you to stay in Naples.

How?

You marry a Neapolitan

and you'll automatically gain residence through your husband.

Who's going to marry me?

Giuseppone could marry you.

What are you on about?

MAN: My son, the memo is clear.

On the 16th, you picked up packages 35 and 27.

Now, your instincts were charitable

and I'm sure there was somebody in need,

but the treasurer has a list of our approved beneficiaries.

You can't go out dispensing charity left and right,

however you see fit!

We have a very clear charity program,

and we have to respect that, my friend,

otherwise, what's this confraternity about?

We'd lose our sense of organization,

and that's at the very heart of what we do.

RELIGIOUS CHARITY

CONVALESCENT HOME OF NAPLES FOR DISABLED ELDERLY

May the Virgin Mary be with you once again today.

Get ready for the show, with costumes!

Start handing out the packages.

One package for every three old people!

One package...

Make sure you share them out correctly,

we don't want it to happen like last time

when they nearly beat us up...

Hurry up with the packages.

You here, more packages down the end!

This is for you.

- Thank you. - Get ready for a performance!

The San Quinzio Gonzaga Dramatic Society presents...

Can you all sit down?

- Are you not performing? - No, not me.

Attention, order, silence, and good grace!

We're about to begin.

We're going to start. A bit of discipline, please!

Le Fauste Nozze.

- Why have you come here? - Why have you come here?

Sorry, what are all these messages?

Scum, scum.

No, they were our benefactors.

The late Vincenzina Tisci was a great woman.

That's nice.

And I have to pray to get her into heaven.

I'll pray that she goes to hell. I don't want to be here anymore.

I don't want to be here anymore!

This salami is hard.

Are you from Naples?

Neapolitan by birth.

Giuseppone, Giuseppone.

- I'll pay for the coffee next time. - Fine, fine.

Giuseppone, sorry for coming to see you,

but I'll be gone right away, I swear.

This is a client of mine, a lawyer.

He's had a thought that'll stop everyone from bothering us.

No policeman will be able to send me away!

Giuseppone, you've wasted away without me!

MAN: There he is, the man with his hands in his pockets.

Have you explained it to him?

Not everything, but for what you're going to give him,

I think he'd do anything.

He's half-crazy.

Let's go.

Not you.

Why not me? What's up?

I want you to leave and never come back.

Have you lost your mind?

Rosetta, tell him. What's going on?

Rosetta, I beg you, don't leave me.

- Don't you get it? - I beg you, Rosetta!

Let's go, Rose.

Common duties of spouses.

Article 143.

Marriage imposes on the spouses

the common duties of cohabitation, loyalty, and support.

Article 144.

The husband is the head of the family, etc., etc., etc.

Nicola Capezzuto, do you take Miss Maria Rosa Percibaldi

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

And do you, Miss Percibaldi Maria Rosa,

take Nicola Capezzuto to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

By the power vested in me by law,

I now declare you husband and wife.

Congratulations to the happy couple.

Is there champagne?

Yes, afterwards.

What do you mean, champagne?

Giuseppone, wait.

Giuseppone, let's go home, I'm tired.

Why aren't you talking to me? Say something!

You're being weird.

It's three hours since you've spoken.

Do you regret getting married?

Giuseppone, tell me the truth.

I've had a great idea.

I'll organize weddings on a huge scale.

I'll set up a wedding business

with old men from the hospice

and working women, you understand?

It'll be a two-fold business.

I'll combine marriages between old people in Napoli

and visiting prostitutes

and get rid of the disgusting expulsion order in the process.

I'll take control of the situation

and become the recognized boss for people in the sector.

The girls I get married will accept my protection

and work for me.

Do you know how many of them would do anything for residence?

I'll charge the old men a fixed charge

of a dinner and 10,000 lire for the marriage,

just like it cost your husband.

I want to do it properly, though,

not the usual Neapolitan hijinks.

It'll be like it is in the north,

a company with a proper name,

an acronym like FIAT, CCM, FBI or GGB,

with glass doors, big offices, desks, guests.

AII the pimps in Naples will be my employees.

I'll have one section for residence permits,

another for filing the documents,

and then, the medical examination.

ROSETTA: Why a medical examination?

GIUSEPPONE: Eh, the unions!

It's the law, and as you know from your own experience,

I abide by the law.

I want to play by the rules, like the big companies.

Then, when they sign the contract, they'll pay a deposit.

I'll have a system that protects me from getting ripped off.

To trust is good, but not to trust is better,

that way you'll feel busier.

What the hell is this, I ask you!

Strombolo Rosetta will marry Gennaro Cuocolo.

- Me? Who is he? - What do you care?

It's a fake marriage!

Silence!

In the name of the law, I now declare you husband and wife.

Next, come on!

In the name of the law, I now declare you husband and wife.

Another one done. Next!

In the name of the law, I now declare you husband and wife.

That's one more.

Move it.

In the name of the law, I now declare you husband and wife.

Another one down, hurry up.

One, two, three, four, go on!

To the happy COUPE-

To the happy COUPE-

To the happy COUPE-

- To good health. - To the happy couple.

To good health.

To good health.

To good health.

To good health.

To good health.

To good health.

To good health. To good health.

Gold for your country.

- Shall I go? - No, tonight we celebrate.

It's our first night of marriage.

The door was open.

Will you really make me your secretary?

What are you doing here?

Get out!

Come on, you're not welcome here.

Why did you come here?

Still here?

I'm your husband, your legal spouse.

No, no!

If I really wanted a husband,

do you think I'd pick one like you?

What did we agree? A nice dinner, 10,000 lire,

and then you go back to the hospice, right?

I know I can't be a proper husband at my age

and I can't come and live here,

but there's one thing you can't deny me,

one thing you can't deny your true husband.

The church even allows it.

Let me see what you're made of.

What?

MAN: Come on, don't mess about.

Get out!

Leave him, Giuseppone, stop!

Don't hurt the poor old man, please!

- You're mean, you're horrible! - Here's your hat!

Don't come back!

- Granddad! - Now he arrives!

- Did they chuck you out? - You gave me some piece of advice!

- Do you feel unwell? - Eh...

If I thought they would treat you like that,

I would never have told you to come here,

but it was too big

an opportunity to miss, you know?

To teach them the lesson they deserve.

They take advantage of my legal training

to solve their problems

and then throw me away like an idiot,

but it's them that are the idiots,

the adulterers caught in the act by the husband.

Two to six years.

Granddad, do you know how stupid they were to mess with us?

Her tits were like the sun and moon.

And an ass like heaven.

Come here.

Look who's arrived.

Did you call them? Was it you?

I'll do it.

Adultery, flagrant.

I've been betrayed, right?

- There. - Sergeant?

- Did you report the crime? - Yes.

Are you willing to take responsibility for that?

Of course, she was committing adultery.

- In which house? - This one.

Come, come, be quick.

One moment, slow down.

- Is this the house? - Yes.

- Are you sure? - Of course!

In the name of the law, open up. ls there someone home?

In the name of the law, open up! Is there someone home?

We know there's somebody there, open up!

Don't waste our time, come on!

In the name of the law, open up!

[ L'escroc” sung by Serge Gainsbourg]

Paris!

Mr. Humlaupt.

There's a driver with some car trouble who is asking for help.

Don't bother me! Can't you see that I'm working?

But Mr. Humlaupt...

I already told you!

Certainly, Mr. Humlaupt.

But the young man is French.

A French man!

Tell him to come, please.

Well, young French man. Did your car break down?

Unfortunately, yes.

That's terrible.

What's the problem?

Smoke coming out of the engine. I am out of water.

Oh, water! It's cheap around here.

- Here, take this. - Thanks.

Wait!

Water is for cars.

But this... Do you have a minute?

Sure.

You speak French very well.

My name is Humlaupt Konrad. What's your name?

Pierre Clément.

Well, this is something...

Tomato. You've never had this before?

Sure, sure.

I have 28 others like this! All sizes!

If you have time...

Unfortunately...

Lucky you!

Why?

The Eiffel tower, the Mona Lisa!

Your people are great artists.

Well, it's about time!

I hope I'll hear from you soon

about our little business, Mr. Clément.

Mayo 9312.

MAN: "To Mr. Konrad Humlaupt Kesselberg etc...

Dear Sir.

My friend Mr. Clément told me, before he left on holiday... "

MAN 2: No, wait. "...before he left for a mission abroad. "

MAN: Oh, yes. "...before he left for a mission abroad... "

MAN 2: Yes.

MAN: "...told me you were interested

in the important business we manage."

MAN 2: Very good!

MAN: "This is why, exceptionally,

we give you the opportunity to present your offer to us.

We would appreciate it if you came to Paris."

MAN 2: Yeah, he'd better!

MAN: "Find a discreet hotel, call Daumesnil 4213... "

MAN 2: Yes.

MAN: "Then wait.

We advise you not to tell anyone about this.

Best regards, etc.

Signed Hervé...

Hervé des Arcys. "

MAN 2: Des Arcys, ha!

Des Arcys!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, I know.

It's very annoying.

I've been waiting for a week!

I have now been waiting for 12 days!

Even 13!

I don't care about the paperwork!

What do you mean, it takes time?

Paperwork is supposed to...

Hello? Hello? Hello?

They hung up!

I can't take it anymore.

I've waited long enough! Understood?

I don't care about competitors.

What competitors?

I don't care if you want to bring them together.

Why can't you bring them together?

I want this immediately.

No, not tomorrow. Not tomorrow.

Oh, tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow!

Then I'll see you tomorrow, dear friend.

We're meeting tomorrow!

Excuse me.

Gentlemen, please come in.

Your hat.

Gentlemen...

I'd like to introduce Mr. Pascal Carmaillon.

Mr. Carmaillon represents the Secretary of Urban Development.

He's here to guarantee the support of the government.

He was also a tremendous help to me...

Yes, my dear friend, you were a tremendous help

within the constraints of his official function,

to start my LRMCRS.

Whereas Mr. Cavaillon represents the interests of the State,

LRMCRS is a private company,

whom the government was kind enough

to entrust with a State contract.

I have the responsibility to choose

who will handle this deal.

That is why I asked you to come.

In this particular case, the best offer will win.

Will you give us a tour?

This way.

This way.

Here it is.

In 1960, the tower received 1,735,230 visitors.

It is painted every seven years.

This requires about 35 to 40 tons of paint.

That's crazy!

It makes you proud to be French.

How much does it weigh?

7,500 tons. It cost 7,500,000 gold francs.

That is 1 gold franc per kilo.

Well, I hope you won't sell it to me at that price!

My dear friend, you are the one who makes the offer.

What is the market price of steel?

10.25 per kilo.

- I can offer 12.25 per stock! -13!

13.25!

Please, sir. We're not there yet.

We are on the second floor.

This restaurant is a landmark of French haute cuisine.

It is open to food lovers from March 1 to September 30.

- What month are we in? - Later, gentlemen, later.

It's so beautiful!

Not only beautiful, but big too!

Not only big, but grandiose!

Not only grandiose, but incomparable!

MAN: At night, it shines with 170 spotlights

of 3,000 watts each.

I would have preferred the stairs,

where you could have marveled

at approximately 15,000 mechanical pieces

and 25,000,000 rivets,

however there are 1,652 steps to climb!

KONRAD: That's too much for me.

Here we are.

The third floor, gentlemen.

A unique view.

KONRAD: Really, I am speechless.

Paris!

MAN: Next time, try not to laugh. Idiot.

You, my friend, are scared stiff.

Yes, you don't say.

Come on, don't be nervous.

You handled it like a champion.

And you've done worse.

Remember when you sold the funeral monument in Aix?

So, don't back out now.

I have too many numbers in my head.

It weighs on my liver. I can't stand it.

- Here, take your pills. - Thanks.

With this blood pressure, I'm dead.

Are you a wimp or what?

Don't listen to him.

I like you better with your fake nose.

But this one is mine.

KONRAD: First floor.

Second floor.

300 meters!

You told no one about this deal?

Not even the bellboy?

Darling, not even the bellboy?

Iam dreaming...

Remember! Not a word. Not a word!

- What's going on? -lt's gone!

- What? - The tower!

- The tower? - The Eiffel Tower!

Well?

We want to make a deal with you,

but we need you to make a little effort.

What? 13.25!

Don't forget that it's a work of art.

Fine, I am sorry.

The steel company Delaigue has offered 14 and Rodin 14.50.

Sure, but I pay cash! Cold hard cash.

That's the difference!

These days, liquid assets are rare.

No matter.

My dear friend, I find haggling most unpleasant.

I am offering you the hottest deal in town.

I'm afraid I'll have to change my mind.

Wait!

13.75.

Still in cash?

Still in cash.

What do you think, Carmaillon?

No objection from the State?

Very good!

By the way, I must remind you that you have an appointment.

It is 2:30 p.m.

You know, Mr. Carmaillon was very helpful to us,

and to you as well.

Of course, he is a most righteous man,

so I won't talk about a commission,

but what about a small reward?

I know how things work.

He will not be easily convinced.

I can be subtle.

- The check, please. - Right away, sir.

When do we sign?

Tomorrow.

So, the deal is done?

You have my word, Mr. Humlaupt.

And you have mine.

Here it is.

No, do not let this gentleman pay!

I will pay! No! Don't make me angry!

I'm home here, in this tower!

- Here. - Thank you, sir.

Easy! The ink is still wet.

- He's here! - We can't be late.

Mr. Humlaupt.

Come in, my dear friend.

The paperwork is ready.

So is my check!

Excuse me.

All we need to do is sign.

Here I sign.

"The Eiffel Tower..."

"Ownership. Use of property!"

Please, after you.

Hey. Your tickets.

- What? - Your tickets.

- My what? - Your tickets.

My...

Tickets!

He's asking for my...

How funny!

Let's be serious.

Your tickets.

Do you really think I need a ticket?

Do you know who you're talking to, young man?

To the owner!

Tickets.

He insists.

I will tell you one more time,

I'm at home here!

- What's going on here? - They don't want to pay!

So what? It is my right.

The Eiffel Tower is mine. I have the title of ownership.

If you continue this ruckus, I will call the police.

Go on, then. Call the police!

You're the one who will be arrested.

- Go call them, Henry. - What does this mean?

Iam the owner of the Eiffel Tower!

You are both fired. No more social benefits!

73 million...

74 million...

75 million!

75 million! Life is beautiful!

Let's go, guys! The cops are here!

They're not after us.

Must be some guy getting arrested.

If you can't even trust the police...

What is this country? Isn't it a democracy?

I don't want to get in that car!

I have my own car! It's a Mercedes!

I don't want to get in!

[ L'escroc” sung by Serge Gainsbourg ]

THE CONFIDENCE MAN

Charity thinketh no evil.

Charity endureth all things.

Charity believeth all things. Charity never faileth.

Action!

Have some money! Have some money!

Have some money!

Have some money!

How much is the djellaba?

OK, I'll take it.

Here you are.

What's wrong?

What have I done?

Let go of me!

I haven't done anything.

Never mind.

Neither of us will ever find it, though.

Money... She's got money.

There.

There.

Let's scram!

Follow that car.

What do you want?

Miss...

I like lucidity, of all things,

and I am afraid I shall hardly be able

to converse satisfactorily with you, unless you bear it in mind.

Are you forging the bank notes?

Are you going to tell the police?

Certainly not.

I would just like to film you.

Maybe you do not sufficiently consider that,

though a small man,

I have my small share of feelings.

I promise I won't say anything.

Will you agree to let me film you

and ask you questions?

Charity endureth all things.

From evil comes good.

Distrust is a stage to confidence.

- Where were you born? - MAN: In Singapore.

Have you been forging notes for long?

Obviously.

Tell me, miss, did you not have an accident four years ago?

An injury to the head?

The strange effects remain.

Not only is one unconscious

of events for a greater or lesser time

immediately after the injury,

but likewise, strangely enough,

one forgets totally,

irremediably,

events embracing a longer or shorter period

immediately

preceding the injury.

That's to say, at a time

when the mind was perfectly aware

of what was happening

and fully competent also

of registering it in the memory,

and did in fact do so.

But all in vain,

for all was afterwards erased by the injury.

Why won't you answer?

What's your name?

Why do you give the money that you make to beggars?

Self-knowledge is not so easy.

Who knows, my dear lady,

you may have taken yourself for somebody else

for a time?

Stranger things have happened.

Do you do it all over Africa?

I forge dollars too.

And I drive an American car.

That way, the police don't suspect me.

Don't people get mad when they realise it's counterfeit?

It's the worst kind of swindle.

It's practically theft.

No. Charity thinketh no evil.

Iam no Fourier hatching impossible schemes.

Iam a philanthropist and a financier,

setting forth a philanthropy and a finance which are practicable.

- Practicable? - MAN: I was going to tell you.

After seeing my invention duly catalogued and placed,

I gave myself up to pondering the scene about me.

As Ireflected that here was the pride of the world

glorying in a glass house,

I was profoundly impressed by a sense of the fragility

of worldly grandeur.

And I said to myself,

let some worldwide good to the worldwide cause be done.

The World's Charity will be a society whose object

will be the methodisation of the world's benevolence,

the advancement of the spirit of generosity.

To achieve this,

the society will be empowered by various governments

to levy annually one grand benevolence tax

upon all humankind;

as in Augustus Caesar's time,

the whole world will be taxed;

a tax which, with my scheme,

should be something

like the income tax of England.

Why are you filming me like that?

I don't know.

Because I'm looking for...

the truth.

What for?

To show people.

So you're stealing something from me.

And you're stealing it from others too.

Why are you telling me all this?

Only now?

To have a clear conscience.

I see you have been mobilized by this society

to methodically organize

the advancement of the spirit of generosity.

Maybe.

It disgusts me!

But why? He's sick. He's a sad case.

Is that all he said?

Is that the end of the story?

Is that all he said?

Is that the end of the story?

Yes. He turned his back on me,

leaving me at a loss...

to determine exactly

where the fictitious character had been dropped

and the real one resumed. If he exists at all.

Yes. If he exists at all.

These familiar lines came to the mind

of the young filmmaker from San Francisco,

with pointed meaning,

as she gazed after the stranger.

"AII the world's a stage.

"And all the men and women merely players.

"With their exits and entrances.

"And one man in his time plays many parts."

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